Figgy: 3 months off Lexapro - relapse or withdrawal?

[Figgy]

HI, 

I am nearly off lexapro for good..I am ready to make the jump to completely off.  I have used liquid lexapro to taper all the way down to .02mls where I have been for 3 weeks.  I am not sure what is going on but i find myself easily crying and often.  Is this just the return of normal emotions or does withdrawal cause this?  I can't drop my dose any lower successfully so I plan to have my last dose in 3 days.  Thank you for your advice!

Figgy

[Altostrata]

Good to hear, Figgy. I would coast on 0.02mLs for a while. How many milligrams is that?

[Cigale]

On 4/21/2018 at 6:19 PM, Figgy said:

After trying to withdraw for more than a year I gave up the struggle and went back on Lexapro 5mg.

Hello @Figgy - I hope it is okay for me to jump in on your story here. I am currently trying to reinstate on 5mg of Lexapro before starting a slow, slow liquid taper like you. I was wondering if you remember how long it took you to stabilize once you decided to go back to 5mg of Lexapro in 2016. And I want to say how much I admire your courage, patience and thoughtfulness as you worked through the last four years. I am so inspired by you!

[Figgy]

On 6/3/2020 at 6:36 PM, Altostrata said:

Good to hear, Figgy. I would coast on 0.02mLs for a while. How many milligrams is that?

Well, I guess I wasn't clear.  It was a micro dose at .02 of 1 ml.  Very, very small.  And, I have been off completely for a month.  I must say it has been a bit of a wild west with my emotions and learning to deal with them again.  To be able to cry when moved is actually a joy after many years of no tears.  It is so weird being my true self again.   I have had just a few anxiety spikes,  good days and not so good days.  I am so happy to be off even in these difficult covid times.  Some days I wonder if I am better off without antidepressants but then I remember how hard and how long I have worked to get off and banish the thought.  Do you have any information on how long it may take for me to really stabilize?  Thank you!

[Figgy]

On 6/4/2020 at 6:14 AM, Cigale said:

Hello @Figgy - I hope it is okay for me to jump in on your story here. I am currently trying to reinstate on 5mg of Lexapro before starting a slow, slow liquid taper like you. I was wondering if you remember how long it took you to stabilize once you decided to go back to 5mg of Lexapro in 2016. And I want to say how much I admire your courage, patience and thoughtfulness as you worked through the last four years. I am so inspired by you!

HI!  I am so sorry to be so long answering you.  I haven't checked this thread in a long time.  Thank you for your kind words.  It has been a very long journey.  I can't say I really remember well but I have reinstated more than once.  Were you at a smaller dose and then reinstated back up to 5mg or were you completely off and went back?  I am happy to tell you more about my taper and how it went for me.  For advice if you are having difficulty,  again I am happy to tell you my experiences but please rely on the experts on this site for the best information.  Best wishes!  Figgy

[Cigale]

Congratulations @Figgy! It gives me hope to read about your successful journey to 0. 

[Figgy]

On 7/12/2020 at 1:21 AM, Cigale said:

Congratulations @Figgy! It gives me hope to read about your successful journey to 0. 

Good luck!  

I will say as you decrease the dose....it can take a toll to be in a constant state of withdrawal every few weeks.  I followed the GAB taper excel spread sheet and only dropped 5 or 10% at a time.  If you have the holidays or an event you are looking forward to consider stabilizing for a longer spell like a few months.  I wish I had down that maybe more often.  It is nice to feel better and easy to forget its withdrawal that you are feeling and not you just unable to cope or something.  Read the materials moderators send you about withdrawal.  It will reassure you.

[Cigale]

Thank you @Figgy - I plan to use the Brassmonkey slide - 2.5%/week for 4 weeks with 2 week hold. What is the GAB taper? Thank you!

[Figgy]

On 7/14/2020 at 2:54 AM, Cigale said:

Thank you @Figgy - I plan to use the Brassmonkey slide - 2.5%/week for 4 weeks with 2 week hold. What is the GAB taper? Thank you!

The GAB taper is an excel simple spreadsheet that calculates your dosage drops for whatever percentage and frequency you want to follow. It is very helpful.   It also has a page for microdosing when you get to below 1 mg assuming you have switched to liquid lexapro.  I can't figure out how to attach it on this website.  Brassmonkey can provide it for you.

[ChessieCat]

I think it will be in the first post of this topic:  how-to-calculate-dosages-and-dilutions-spreadsheets-and-calculators

 

[Figgy]

Now that I am newly off antidepressants

 

Well, here I am.  I went by the book and tapered off Lexapro slowly, switched to liquid and tapered all the way down to 0.01 mgs.  Yes, I do mean 1/10th of 1 mg.  I was feeling pretty confident I would be ok and I am.  But, I experienced my first wave last week and it shook me up.  It was an intense anxiety spike that lasted a few days.  Then, it got a lot better for a day or two and now I experience intermittent smaller anxiety spikes pretty much daily.  My only other symptom is insomnia that prevents me from getting uninterrupted sleep and a total of only 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night.  It is taking a toll on me but I am trying to just roll with it and practice acceptance hoping one day this will all be better.

Is it weird that I have never experienced brain zaps or brain fog?  Is stomach upset a part of withdrawal?  I am always told return of anxiety is withdrawal but how do I know that is it and not a return of the reason I went on antidepressants in the first place....generalized anxiety and what I have come to realize is an entirely over sensitized nervous system?  I have stayed steadfast in my determination to get off Lexapro and I remain determined to stay off antidepressants.  I could use advice.

Figgy

 

Edited July 22, 2020 by ChessieCat
added topic title

[Happy2Heal]

hi Figgy  good to see you 

it's hard to tell from your signature, when exactly did you get to zero?

It's interesting, we were both trying to get off lexapro in the summer of 2015, and both went way too fast at first

Looks like you did a much better job of tapering slower when you reinstated however! 

 

 

anyway I am now coming up on 3yrs off the lexapro (in Oct it will be 3 yrs)

 

wow, hard to believe it!
 

anyway, once you get past zero, you still have some healing to do, and small waves are pretty common

 

you can also be very sensitive still to caffeine (I'm finding out the hard way lol) stress and other things

 

I still had some pretty bad insomnia for another year or so after getting to zero, It's funny I can't recall now exactly when I started getting a decent night's sleep.... I guess it's been awhile,  if I can take it for granted now

 

you will get there too but don't be surprised or discouraged by the waves

 

I had one nasty 10 day wave a short while ago, I went into an anger spiral and then one day, it just left, in the middle of the day

and I felt this incredible peace!!

 

 

are you continuing your self care?  I kinda slack on that some times and it just comes back and bites me in the butt!!

I need to keep up with gentle exercise and keeping to regular hours, not staying up all night binge watching Hoarders or something!

that only starts trouble for me LOL

 

 

anyway good to see you!

I hope that by the time you see this you are already feeling better

 

[Figgy]

Hi H2H, Thank you for your good advice.  I edited my signature to show my final schedule of dose reductions.  I went slow with that last milligram.  If I am like you, I don't know if I can cope with another year or more of insomnia.  I'm tired and have no energy.  You asked if I am continuing self care.  I am not sure what you are referring to except eating well.  I drink on cup of coffee in the morning and, believe me, the morning comes very early regardless of what time I go to bed.  I stay up late.  If I go to bed at 10pm I am up at 4am and I don't want to be up that early.  I turn the light out about midnight and I wake up usually at 5 and try so hard to go back to sleep.  Sometimes I do for a short time and sometimes I end up just lying there.  

Do you think anxiety spikes are withdrawal or just the original me still me?  

Figgy

 

Edited July 22, 2020 by ChessieCat
removed big quote and addressed to OP

[Happy2Heal]

hey there!

ok if you were at 1mg at the end of June 2019 and did a 10% reduction every 28 days, you would still be at around 0.23 mgs now, so although you believe you went slowly with that last 1mg you actually went a bit faster than recommended

 

I reinstated at 0.3mgs and it took me a year to taper off.  From 1/3 of a mg.

BUT that was still way too fast, because I did a super rapid taper starting in June of 2015 (after essentially a CT a couple of years before that, my poor brain!! bouncing up and down so much!!)

 

so If I put in the dosage I started at in the summer of 2015, I would not even be finished with my taper yet!!
 

so basically what I'm saying is that we both kinda jumped the gun and went too fast.

 

If you look at it that way,  you realize your brain still needs more time to heal.

 

I would doubt that anxiety spikes are "the original you" but I don't know what your anxiety was like before you were on meds. I don't know if you always had issues with anxiety or if the anxiety you had was situational when you were first Rxed meds.

AND you are older and you and your situation(s) have almost surely changed- so I don't know if anyone can ever really compare themselves to their past  self....?? I just don't know.

 

I image our ways of relating to the world and our emotional habits and thought patterns might be similar (pre and post meds) I mean we aren't going to have a total personality transplant, right? LOL
but just because someone had, say, depression 5 or 10 or 20 yrs ago when they were first given ADs, doesn't mean that once off, ta da!! they are gonna be depressed again, Or anxious, or whatever the issue was that led them to consider taking meds. You are who you are and having gone thru WD you've likely learned ways to handle anxiety better, so you're already in a better place! 

 

 I know that insomnia sucks but it DOES get better!!

I was happy with the amnt that I was sleeping way back in 2018.   I am even more happy to  be able to sleep more now, but I wasn't suffering when I was only able to sleep 4 or 5 hrs a night. There were times I was sad about it, but I just accepted it was part of the healing process.

I must say, I haven't been working full time or had much stress through out all this time, except for 2 moves and wait, yes there was some stress!! LOL but I don't think I had a lot of the stressors that some ppl do. So if you've got a lot of stress or your daily life is super busy, not getting the sleep you want may feel worse to you.

 

Personally If I were you, I'd cut out screen time at the very least an hour before bedtime, sleep in a cool and dark room (I used an eye mask, it helped a lot as my alarm clock has an LED light and I need night lights to find the bathroom) These things are part of self care and are commonly referred to as sleep hygiene. Going to bed at the same time every night, having a calming ritual before bed, things like that, help you sleep better. 

 

I hate waking up early too!! just hate it!
I found that the best way to approach it was to try to think of something I enjoyed doing when I woke up before I wanted to

I'd put on a video and listen to that, something soothing and interesting and a lot of the time I would actually fall asleep again, when I was least expecting to. But If I didn't, it was ok. Acceptance was a big part of it too.

 

I had to give up all caffeine. I think if you're serious about wanting more sleep, it might be worth it to give up all caffeine for a few weeks and see if it makes a difference. 

I have been drinking weak tea and it put me back in a wave (at least that's what I now believe and I"m testing it out by going back to herbal tea)

 

I was totally caffeine free for a long time and did great. Any time I try to introduce coffee or tea back in to my daily routine, it messes me up. I now know it's just not worth it for me.

 

Everyone has to make their own decision though. I don't feel deprived not having coffee. I did feel that way at first but the longer I went without it, the less I wanted it. Now I could care less if I ever have coffee again.

I like feeling peaceful and calm and being able to sleep well SO much more!

 

as far as self care goes, other things would be gentle exercise during the day (a half hour walk works great for me, that's all I need to get a good night's sleep now.)

 

It might be helpful to get up when you wake up, even though you want to sleep, and just start your day. If you do that, your body may be tired enough to go to bed and sleep more hours in a row at night. I don't know, but it might be worth a shot

 

what are you days like? are you able to find time for yourself?

 

don't worry, you are well on your way to total healing. Brassmonkey wrote a great post about what it's like once you get to "zero" 

You might want to check out that out.

 

hang in there, full recovery is just around the corner!

 

 

Edited July 22, 2020 by ChessieCat
removed quote and extra white space

[ChessieCat]

5 hours ago, Figgy said:

Now that I am newly off antidepressants

 

Well, here I am.  I went by the book and tapered off Lexapro slowly, switched to liquid and tapered all the way down to 0.01 mgs.  Yes, I do mean 1/10th of 1 mg.  I was feeling pretty confident I would be ok and I am.  But, I experienced my first wave last week and it shook me up.  It was an intense anxiety spike that lasted a few days.  Then, it got a lot better for a day or two and now I experience intermittent smaller anxiety spikes pretty much daily.  My only other symptom is insomnia that prevents me from getting uninterrupted sleep and a total of only 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night.  It is taking a toll on me but I am trying to just roll with it and practice acceptance hoping one day this will all be better.

Is it weird that I have never experienced brain zaps or brain fog?  Is stomach upset a part of withdrawal?  I am always told return of anxiety is withdrawal but how do I know that is it and not a return of the reason I went on antidepressants in the first place....generalized anxiety and what I have come to realize is an entirely over sensitized nervous system?  I have stayed steadfast in my determination to get off Lexapro and I remain determined to stay off antidepressants.  I could use advice.

Figgy

 

 

This topic has recently been updated:

 

It Doesn’t end at “0”     (in the Are We There Yet? topic)

 

Experiences after tapering to zero

 

Is it withdrawal or relapse?  Or something else?

How do I know it's withdrawal and not relapse?

 

5 hours ago, Figgy said:

Is it weird that I have never experienced brain zaps or brain fog?  Is stomach upset a part of withdrawal?

 

Just because it has been noted that some people experience a certain withdrawal symptom doesn't mean that we will experience it.

 

Yes, upset stomach can be part of withdrawal.

 

However, it could also be related to the anxiety.  And some of the anxiety which you are experiencing may be that you are "hyper-alert" (not withdrawal, but being very aware) at the moment because you are watching/waiting/worrying about how you are reacting to being completely off the drug.

[Figgy]

Thank you Happy2Heal for taking the time to respond so thoughtfully.   To answer your question about my referring to myself and anxiety as the "old me".  Yes, I have struggled with anxiety since childhood but more severely in my 50's which got me to Lexapro in the first place.  But, you are right.  I am older now and retired so my days are much more calm.  And, I am learning to lean into anxiety and pass through it.  I've been told confidence dealing with it and giving up fear of it will eventually lessen it if not take it away.  Not sure that is good advice but I am giving it a shot. 

Thank you for your sleep suggestions.  I practice most of them but will try eliminating coffee altogether although my one cup in the early morning should be well out of my system by midnight.  

In times past when I have tried to get off Lexapro I found that about 3 months from my last dose came a really big wave.  It overwhelmed me.  That time my primary care doc told me to just go off at 2.5 mg and it would be out of my system -no problem -in two weeks  I didn't know at the time that was bad advice.  Do you think this time with the much slower taper it might not be so bad at month 3? 

Thanks so much, Figgy

 

Edited July 30, 2020 by ChessieCat
removed quote and added member's name to post

[Happy2Heal]

you're welcome

you seem to have a lot already figured out on your own

 

yeh you would think a single cup of coffee would not be a problem however it is a stimulant, so regardless of when you drink it,

my understanding is that it is still messing with your brain.

depressant drugs, "anti" depressant drugs, stimulant drugs, sedative drugs, they all act on our brains, right? so my guess is that even a single cup of coffee is enough to destabilize us.

 

I have weaned down on my black tea and am already seeing a huge improvement. 

I slept for a total of 12 hrs last night, with an hour break in the middle 

Amazing!

 

3 hours ago, Figgy said:

In times past when I have tried to get off Lexapro I found that about 3 months from my last dose came a really big wave.  It overwhelmed me.  That time my primary care doc told me to just go off at 2.5 mg and it would be out of my system -no problem -in two weeks  I didn't know at the time that was bad advice.  Do you think this time with the much slower taper it might not be so bad at month 3?

oh I had the same exact problem and got the same stupid advice from my doctors!!

 

you've gone a lot slower this time so I would *guess* you won't have a big uptick in symptoms at 3 mos out.

 

I really don't know though.
I can't honestly remember what it was like when I first got to zero, I was so happy to have made it thru the acute stuff. I don't know that it would apply to anyone else but me, we are all so different at least in some ways.

I have been feeling mostly pretty good for a long time, with sleep issues being what lingered the longest. 

 

 

the fear of the fear, yeh I bet letting go of that could help

Much easier said then done of course

 

 

[Figgy]

Hello,

I have been off Lexapro competely for nearly 7 weeks.  I did pretty well at first.  Now, not so much.  I have a major stressor coming up the end of August and received news that our daughter's family with our young grandchildren are moving a long way away.  I cannot control the tears every time I think about it.  My thoughts are racing away with me about many things to anxiety provoked worst case scenarios...all classic things anxiety brings.  I am a wreck and it is hard to accept.

 

I can't even believe I am saying this but i am wondering if i should reinstate a tiny dose.  I am worrying my family with this sudden flood of uncontrolled emotions and really, even for me, it is unusual.  Can someone please look at my taper history and tell me if a tiny reinstatement would make sense and, if so. then what?  Seriously, I went down with liquid lexapro to one tenth of one milligram so does that even make sense?  

Thank you

Figgy

[ChessieCat]

Hi Figgy,

 

If it was me I would not be reinstating.  Not sure if the August stressor is your daughter moving or something different. 

 

Having your daughter and grandchildren moving a long way away from you would have been upsetting regardless of whether you were taking an AD or not.  Antidepressents don't change the situation.  What you are going through is a very natural reaction and part of it is grief.  It is not just the death of a person or pet which causes grief.  Major life changing effects can cause grief too, even for people who have never taken a psychiatric drug.

 

I think it would be a good idea for you to see a counsellor.

 

I suggest you also read this:  It Doesn’t end at “0” 

 

 

[Figgy]

21 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Hi Figgy,

 

If it was me I would not be reinstating.  Not sure if the August stressor is your daughter moving or something different. 

 

Having your daughter and grandchildren moving a long way away from you would have been upsetting regardless of whether you were taking an AD or not.  Antidepressents don't change the situation.  What you are going through is a very natural reaction and part of it is grief.  It is not just the death of a person or pet which causes grief.  Major life changing effects can cause grief too, even for people who have never taken a psychiatric drug.

 

I think it would be a good idea for you to see a counsellor.

 

I suggest you also read this:  It Doesn’t end at “0” 

 

 

Thank you, ChessieCat,

Counseling is a good idea and I will try to pursue it.  I have actually been thinking about CBT therapy for the anxiety.  I am remarkably better today.  Maybe yesterday was another wave as I was very emotional on the 22nd of July with the uncontrolled tears for a couple of days that suddenly cleared up.  Can waves happened as soon as 10 days apart?  I don't know.  I really thought I wouldn't have waves going off slowly but maybe I am or maybe I'm just anxiety me again off SSRI's.  

PS.  I have read doesn't end at zero...I just somehow thought going down to 1/10th of a ML would spare me any problems.  I will read it again.

Thank you.

[Happy2Heal]

2 hours ago, Figgy said:

I just somehow thought going down to 1/10th of a ML would spare me any problems.  I will read it again.

It doesn't seem that way. Since getting to zero in Oct 2017 I continue to have small waves, usually pretty short ones. I'm just coming out of one now.

Try not to be scared of them and try hard not to make any assumptions about what they may mean....

I know that's difficult to do.

We want to know that all that time and agony we went thru getting off the drug is going to worth it and that we are in a place in our life where we can handle whatever issues might have led us to take the drugs in the first place.

I'm finding it's much easier on my nerves to go with the idea that any issues I'm having now, are a wave, until proven otherwise.

It takes a lot of stress off me. When I think it might be some "pre drug condition" or my personality or something like that, I instantly judge myself and fret about if I'm going to be able to change.

When I see these things as lingering symptoms, I give myself a pass and relax- and wait for the wave to end.

 

so far, that's what's happened each time.

 

I think this is the 3rd wave I've had. Each one has been different. The first one I'm still not sure was a wave, I was crying a LOT. I think it was partly grief and partly  a wave.

The second one was almost entirely anger and that was over in like 10 days.

This one is anxiety and dread, triggered possibly by drinking reg black tea instead of my  usual herbal tea.
Now I'm back on the herbal stuff and feeling a LOT better.

 

I don't know if this approach will help you but just putting it out there in case it does.

 

It also helps to try to stay in the moment. also hard to do! esp when you're anxious.

 

I read something somewhere about how one's ability to handle uncertainty had a lot to do with your quality of life... or something like that

wish I could recall the exact words but it instantly felt aimed at me.

I have a hard time "not knowing". I like things to be  predictable. 

I don't know about you, but this whole WD recovery thing has been so damn unpredictable, I honestly thought at the end of it, 

life would be different. Everything would fall into place and be wonderful. 

 

I think after all we've gone thru, we deserve that much!!! right?!?

 

ok I'm rambling now... I  hope that you will continue to feel better and better.

 

I need to re read the threads about the different waves that seem to be semi predictable. I think Brassmonkey mentions one around 10 mos off? which I believe for me was more like 11 mos instead but close enough

 

 

let me see if I can find that thread about grief.... it may help you. it seems like that may be what you're going thru, perhaps?

 

Edited July 31, 2020 by ChessieCat
changed 2107 to 2017

[Figgy]

Thank you Happy2Heal so much for your help and taking the time to respond.  I have to get through some events I have going on until the end of first week of September.  This is always a hard time of the year for me so I don't know what is my situational stress/anxiety and what is withdrawal or whatever.  Things will settle down for me then.  I will be sad our daughter and kids are moving but at least I will be past my other obligations.  I'll check back in then.   I'll have a better idea of how I am really doing.  I'm stuggling pretty hard but trying even harder to hang in there.  

 

Edited August 15, 2020 by ChessieCat
removed quote

[Figgy]

On 7/30/2020 at 4:21 PM, ChessieCat said:

Hi Figgy,

 

If it was me I would not be reinstating.  Not sure if the August stressor is your daughter moving or something different. 

 

Having your daughter and grandchildren moving a long way away from you would have been upsetting regardless of whether you were taking an AD or not.  Antidepressents don't change the situation.  What you are going through is a very natural reaction and part of it is grief.  It is not just the death of a person or pet which causes grief.  Major life changing effects can cause grief too, even for people who have never taken a psychiatric drug.

 

I think it would be a good idea for you to see a counsellor.

 

I suggest you also read this:  It Doesn’t end at “0” 

 

 

Hi,  it has been about 4.5 months since I have been off lexapro completely after slowly reducing for about a year and a half.  I can't say i have been having windows and waves as I have been battling pretty severe anxiety almost continuously.  I have seen a pscyhotherapist a couple of times and she is telling me she feels I need to go back on an antidepressant.  She respects my desire to be off but she says I have an illness that needs to be treated.  She says the type of deep rooted anxiety I struggle from that manifests itself in the body is a very tough road.  Mostly, I am so tired of the struggle against debilitating anxiety and it is affecting my health.  I don't want to give up but 

I need to do something.  There are days I have to take an alprazolam to get through ..My question is:  Can I go back on Lexapro after 4.5 months off?  I have heard that sometimes the medication doesn't work after a break.  I am sure it goes against the grain of the purpose of this site to answer that but I think I have to consider it.  I would really appreciate your thoughts.  Please respond.  Figgy

[Gridley]

1 hour ago, Figgy said:

Can I go back on Lexapro after 4.5 months off?  I have heard that sometimes the medication doesn't work after a break. 

Reinstatement works most predictably within 3 months after your last dose.  Sometimes it works farther out, sometimes it doesn't.  If you do reinstate, we suggest a much smaller dose than your last dose--nowhere near your original dose.  In the time since you stopped the drug, your brain has made adjustments to not having the drug, and if you take too much it can overwhelm your brain and cause you to become more unstable.  Please read:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms. -- at least the first page of the topic

 

Two questions, please:

 

1.  During your year and a half taper, what was your rate of taper?  How fast did you reduce?  

 

2.  What was your last dose 4 1/2 months ago before you went to zero?

 

Please update your signature to reflect this information.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

 

 

[Figgy]

2 hours ago, Gridley said:

Reinstatement works most predictably within 3 months after your last dose.  Sometimes it works farther out, sometimes it doesn't.  If you do reinstate, we suggest a much smaller dose than your last dose--nowhere near your original dose.  In the time since you stopped the drug, your brain has made adjustments to not having the drug, and if you take too much it can overwhelm your brain and cause you to become more unstable.  Please read:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms. -- at least the first page of the topic

 

Two questions, please:

 

1.  During your year and a half taper, what was your rate of taper?  How fast did you reduce?  

 

2.  What was your last dose 4 1/2 months ago before you went to zero?

 

Please update your signature to reflect this information.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

 

 

Thank you for responding.  I tapered with liquid lexapro with a 10% drop every 3-4 weeks with many holds along the way.  And, it was a struggle..never anxiety free but not as bad as now.  The further out from my last dose i go the worse it seems to be. My last dose 4.5 months ago was  0.01mg.  I was micro-dosing at the end going down from 1mg to the last mark on the 1 ml syringe. 

If I go on an antidepressant again and a different one will it overwhelm my brain?  I hope you are not saying I can never be better or it's too late to go back on.  Again, i know this is not what this site is about but surely there are some of us that really need to be on these drugs.  It is very tough for me to be saying these things after such a battle to come off lexapro.

Thank you.

PS.  If i tried reinstatement what would the dose be?

Edited November 2, 2020 by Figgy
further question

[Gridley]

42 minutes ago, Figgy said:

If I go on an antidepressant again and a different one will it overwhelm my brain? 

There's no way that we can predict the effect of a different antidepressant.  We don't recommend going on a different antidepressant to deal with withdrawal from a previous antidepressant.  If you decide you want to, that's beyond the scope of this site and would be a matter between you and your doctor.

 

42 minutes ago, Figgy said:

I hope you are not saying I can never be better or it's too late to go back on. 

I'm definitely not saying that.  I can say that our experience here has been that, if we stay off the drugs, we all heal, though we can't predict how long it will take.  If you go back on a drug, that's, again, beyond our scope.  

 

42 minutes ago, Figgy said:

surely there are some of us that are better off on these drugs.  

I can't answer that.  

 

If you wanted to try reinstating your last dose, 0.01 (which was a very low dose and I congratulate you), you could see if that helps.  It takes 4 days for a reinstated dose to reach full strength in your bloodstream and a few more days to register in the brain.  If you feel worse after reinstating, stop the reinstatement immediately.

 

I think you understand that we're a site for going off drugs and helping members with withdrawal.  That is what underlies the recommendations we make here.  Other sites have a different perspective.  

 

I've found the following restorative yoga pose very helpful with anxiety.  If you're not limber or have a bad back, you can just hook your legs onto the seat of a chair and it will work.

 

10 minute Restorative Yoga for Relaxation | Up the wall

 

 

 

 

Edited November 2, 2020 by Gridley

[Happy2Heal]

Dear Figgy

I do hope you reconsider going back on the AD, but of course I understand you wanting to

 

you are only a few months past zero, healing continues to happen after we're totally off and I really wholeheartedly believe that you will heal and feel great once you do

 

I went on and off lexapro so many times, each time thinking I was better off. I even got to 7 mos off (doing a CT) and went back on and so regretted it. Things just got worse, the anxiety did abate but other things got worse, the emotional anesthesia, the lethargy and apathy. Life was dull and flat and not at all enjoyable.

 

Now, 3 years past zero, my life is nothing like it was on drugs.  It is so much better

 

I know everyone is different but it seems from the accounts that I've read, this is the experience of most of us who get off the ADs and other drugs

 

you've come so far, and done so much hard work. it would be a shame to throw that all away. 

[Figgy]

1 hour ago, Gridley said:

There's no way that we can predict the effect of a different antidepressant.  We don't recommend going on a different antidepressant to deal with withdrawal from a previous antidepressant.  If you decide you want to, that's beyond the scope of this site and would be a matter between you and your doctor.

 

I'm definitely not saying that.  I can say that our experience here has been that, if we stay off the drugs, we all heal, though we can't predict how long it will take.  If you go back on a drug, that's, again, beyond our scope.  

 

I can't answer that.  

 

If you wanted to try reinstating your last dose, 0.01 (which was a very low dose and I congratulate you), you could see if that helps.  It takes 4 days for a reinstated dose to reach full strength in your bloodstream and a few more days to register in the brain.  If you feel worse after reinstating, stop the reinstatement immediately.

 

I think you understand that we're a site for going off drugs and helping members with withdrawal.  That is what underlies the recommendations we make here.  Other sites have a different perspective.  

 

I've found the following restorative yoga pose very helpful with anxiety.  If you're not limber or have a bad back, you can just hook your legs onto the seat of a chair and it will work.

 

10 minute Restorative Yoga for Relaxation | Up the wall

 

 

 

 

I am going to think about it.  I don't want to reinstate but I also don't want to have a full blown breakdown of some kind.  There are days I can barely deal with it and my family wants the person I was back.  They can see my struggle and fear for me.  I do understand what the site is about and i appreciate all the help that has been given to me.  I will try the reinstatement you suggest. And, if I feel better but still not good enough...then what?  Or, if I feel just the same should I try a bit more?  I understand if I feel worse I should stop immediately although I'm not sure where that leaves me.

Thank you again!

Virginia

Edited November 2, 2020 by Figgy
more to add

[Gridley]

1 hour ago, Figgy said:

if I feel better but still not good enough...then what?  Or, if I feel just the same should I try a bit more? 

Let's see one step at a time.  I would very much like for you to feel better.

[ChessieCat]

Reposting this as a reminder of member's recent stressor/s:

 

On 7/31/2020 at 9:21 AM, ChessieCat said:

Hi Figgy,

 

If it was me I would not be reinstating.  Not sure if the August stressor is your daughter moving or something different. 

 

Having your daughter and grandchildren moving a long way away from you would have been upsetting regardless of whether you were taking an AD or not.  Antidepressents don't change the situation.  What you are going through is a very natural reaction and part of it is grief.  It is not just the death of a person or pet which causes grief.  Major life changing effects can cause grief too, even for people who have never taken a psychiatric drug.

 

I think it would be a good idea for you to see a counsellor.

 

I suggest you also read this:  It Doesn’t end at “0” 

 

 

 

 

[Figgy]

16 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

Reposting this as a reminder of member's recent stressor/s:

 

 

 

I am seeing a new counselor and she thinks I should reinstate. You will probably say wrong counselor and you may be right.  She doesn't think CBT would be very helpful either for my type of anxiety.   I also spent 1.5 years seeing a psychotherapist for the 1st time in my life while I was tapering.   I have adjusted to the daughter moving. I really have.   What concerns me so much is the unrelenting anxiety I feel that is identical to what caused me to go on AD's in the first place.  I don't have windows and waves.  I wish I did. A window would give me  hope this is withdrawal.  I am sure you understand how much I don't want to reinstate.  But, I am not convinced this is all WD.  I have fully read It Doesn't End at 0.  I have not made a decision but if I decide to try reinstatement I would like to know what amount to try.  If it comes to it, I would rather try reinstatement for a little stability than just going back on an AD.  I don't know.  Maybe that would just compound things.  Thank you for your response.  It is a great thing to have a place to ask these questions.

Figgy

PS...went back and realized I was given the suggestion if I reinstate to go back to 0.01mg.

[Figgy]

17 hours ago, Gridley said:

Let's see one step at a time.  I would very much like for you to feel better.

Thank you for the video of yoga poses.  I am going to give them a try.  I am considering reinstating 0.01 mgs if you think that small amount has a chance of helping.  I haven't decided .   If I do reinstate it and after 4 days to helps what would you suggest then?  If it does help would this be evidence this is WD and not just return of anxiety that caused me to get on AD's in the first place?  Being is a constant wave with no windows is what has lead me to think this is more than WD.  Sorry for all the questions...I very much appreciate your help.

[Gridley]

1 hour ago, Figgy said:

If I do reinstate it and after 4 days to helps what would you suggest then? 

Remember, it takes 4 days to reach full strength in your blood stream and a few days longer to register in the brain, so give it a chance to work. If it does help, I would hold there for several months to stabilize and then taper off.

 

1 hour ago, Figgy said:

If it does help would this be evidence this is WD and not just return of anxiety

Yes.

 

Please keep in mind that the goal of reinstatement isn't to eliminate all withdrawal symptoms (though it does for some) but rather to bring them down to a tolerable level.

 

 

Edited November 3, 2020 by Gridley

[Figgy]

4 hours ago, Gridley said:

Remember, it takes 4 days to reach full strength in your blood stream and a few days longer to register in the brain, so give it a chance to work. If it does help, I would hold there for several months to stabilize and then taper off.

 

Yes.

 

Please keep in mind that the goal of reinstatement isn't to eliminate all withdrawal symptoms (though it does for some) but rather to bring them down to a tolerable level.

 

 

Thank you,  I am considering trying reinstating but a 0.01 micro dose is the smallest measurable amount on a 1ml little syringe.  I wouldn't know how to taper off that...how can you go any smaller?  It is hard to imagine that amount would have an effect but I will considering trying it.  Please get back to me if you intended a slightly larger amount for reinstatement.    Many thanks once again.

[Gridley]

@Figgy

 

I understand that you tapered to a very low dose and that it would be difficult to taper off that.  I'm going to bring your situation to the attention of one of our moderators, Brassmonkey,  who is very good with these situations.

 

 

[Figgy]

2 hours ago, Gridley said:

@Figgy

 

I understand that you tapered to a very low dose and that it would be difficult to taper off that.  I'm going to bring your situation to the attention of one of our moderators, Brassmonkey,  who is very good with these situations.

 

 

Thank you!