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Theon

Being too docile. Easily abused by others.

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Theon

My apathy and inability to care about anything makes me too docile and easily abused by others. 

 

I have always been a nice guy, the kind of guy that seems easily abused, but I have always had enough self-love to stop people abusing me, like whenever I saw that someone was socially abusing me in whatever, I knew how to defend myself.  I had something inside me to prevent me from being abused.

 

Now the prozac-induced apathy/indifference has made me very very easy to abuse, because I just don't care. 

Yesterday I was with my friends, and I noticed that I was paying more than them for a shared dinner, and that is something that I would have been pissed off in the past, but yesterday I simply didn't care and I just paid more.

 

Also, some of my friends tend to be a bit abusive sometimes to get what they want. Yesterday one of my friends liked one good-looking girl that we didn't know and he told me to go there and talk to her and then introduce him to her, because he didn't dare to go alone. That's something that I wouldn't do so easily, because I know he wouldn't do that for me, but yesterday I went there and introduced that beautiful girl to him because I just didn't care. The girl liked me more than him and wanted to talk with me (I am more attractive than him, sorry if I sound arrogant, but its just true) but I let them talking alone because I didn't care.

 

If I didn't get paid in a part-time job that I am doing now while finishing my university degree, I wouldn't care. Someone could come and steal me my almost done engineering university degree and I probably wouldn't care neither.

 

Someone could insult me, or said to me absolutely whatever without making me feel bad. He could even punch me in the face, and I think I wouldn't care at all.

 

If I knew for sure that this is temporary and that in for example 6 months I will regain my ability to care, then it would be ok. But I just don't want to stay like this forever

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Jin

Emotional numbness is the hardest part of withdraw. It affects all aspects of life. There aremothers out there who starts feeling indifferent towards there children because of the withdrawal. I myself don't care about anything. There is nothing in this world that attracts me anymore. This is really hard I know.

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Jin

I have read few recoveries where they managed to reverse their anhedonia and apathy using hydrocortisone. They believe that it is because of adrenal fatigue. This is something that we can explore.

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Theon

I have read few recoveries where they managed to reverse their anhedonia and apathy using hydrocortisone. They believe that it is because of adrenal fatigue. This is something that we can explore.

yeah, i have also read a few of those... but I think that hormone therapy is very risky, there is a thread here that speaks about it http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/10687-hormone-therapy/ 

I think  I am done with doctors and medicines, if my anhedonia doesn't get better, then I will have to learn to live with this, I don't want to end up with even more problems.

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brassmonkey

We don't recommend treating symptoms with additional drugs.  

 

Anhedonia is a major WD symptom that affects most of us at some point in our journey.  The good thing is that with plenty of time it does clear up and resolve itself.  We also have a number of members who had sever agoraphobia caused by WD and again with plenty of time and effort on  their part the problem was solved and moved past. 

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Altostrata

Theon, it seems that on some level you know you are being abused, and you don't like it. So you're not nearly as docile as you think you are.

 

Perhaps you don't have the energy to argue with your friends. Maybe emotional anesthesia has drained you of anger. Still, if something is happening that moves you to post here, you can find the energy to set up boundaries with your friends in your real life.

 

I would sit with this realization, recognize it, and practice asserting yourself, not angrily (which may take energy you don't feel), but firmly and consistently. You don't want people to take advantage of you. You have not lost the capability to express yourself about this.

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Cookson

I really feel you, I'ts a difficult one. I was at my local pub about a month ago waiting for some friends when a guy I knew who had bad previous dealings/record came in. He would not stop looking at me and I know he was looking for trouble.. So I just got up to leave, heard him call me a ***** on the way out.

So there I was, walking home. Cancelled seeing my firends outright. Didn't say what happend, just said I wasn't up too it. And you know I just had no care about the entire thing whatsoever.

If this had happend before withdrawal I would have got up in his face and confronted him, I would have been filled with anger. And If I had left it like I did I would have been angry at myself for showing such weakness. But It just really didn't bother me that much.

Blimey I have bloody changed. I really am different now. You know, I even go out of my way to avoid confrontations/arguments now. Both in the real world and at home, beacuase I just don't care and I cannot tolerate the stress of it.

Really is pathetic. but what can you do eh?

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brassmonkey

Walking away from a senseless confrontation instead of engaging in it is a sign of maturity, not pathos.  It's one thing that separates the men from the guys.  It shows that you've grown while your "friend" in the pub hasn't, as you now consider the confrontation not worth your time or energy.

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Altostrata

Also, if your circle of friends likes to engage in aggressive "bro" behaviors, you may wish to limit your contact with them and perhaps find other friends with whom you feel more comfortable.

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Theon

Theon, it seems that on some level you know you are being abused, and you don't like it. So you're not nearly as docile as you think you are.

 

Perhaps you don't have the energy to argue with your friends. Maybe emotional anesthesia has drained you of anger. Still, if something is happening that moves you to post here, you can find the energy to set up boundaries with your friends in your real life.

 

I would sit with this realization, recognize it, and practice asserting yourself, not angrily (which may take energy you don't feel), but firmly and consistently. You don't want people to take advantage of you. You have not lost the capability to express yourself about this.

 

Thank you for your answer Altostrata.

The thing is that now my reactions are not spontaneous:

 

Before the emotional flatness it was something like: Stimuli (me realizing that I am paying more for a dinner)- Spontaneous feeling(Negative feeling of not liking that situation)- Action(I say that I am paying more and that I don't like it).

 

Now my brain works differently, it is like: Stimuli (me realizing that I am paying more for a dinner)- Nothing(I don't get any feeling about it, either good or bad)- Reasoned thought (I am paying more and I don't really care, but I should care)- Forcing myself to feel anger by reasoning (I need to get angry because if this goes on like this, I will end up doing things that I know I shouldn't do)- Action (I say that I am paying more and that I don't like it).

 

This example represents the root of all my current problems, since emotional flatness is my only symptom (my pssd is only loss of the feeling of libido, physically everything works).

 

I wonder if this is just the way that ssris work, but I have not taken them for months and my brain has gotten stuck in this state as if I was still taking fluoxetine.

 

Doctors recommend to continue taking ssri for 6 months after your condition has improved to avoid relapse.

I think this recommendation has something to do with this stuck state. Like the longer you continue taking ssri, the longer you will be emotionally numb after stopping, so that way you "avoid" relapse. But of course I don't know.

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Theon

I really feel you, I'ts a difficult one. I was at my local pub about a month ago waiting for some friends when a guy I knew who had bad previous dealings/record came in. He would not stop looking at me and I know he was looking for trouble.. So I just got up to leave, heard him call me a ***** on the way out.

So there I was, walking home. Cancelled seeing my firends outright. Didn't say what happend, just said I wasn't up too it. And you know I just had no care about the entire thing whatsoever.

If this had happend before withdrawal I would have got up in his face and confronted him, I would have been filled with anger. And If I had left it like I did I would have been angry at myself for showing such weakness. But It just really didn't bother me that much.

Blimey I have bloody changed. I really am different now. You know, I even go out of my way to avoid confrontations/arguments now. Both in the real world and at home, beacuase I just don't care and I cannot tolerate the stress of it.

Really is pathetic. but what can you do eh?

But do you feel something that makes you avoid the confrontations/arguments? or you just don't feel anything?. Because those are different.

 

If you feel something that tells you to avoid the confrontations, then you are feeling something,and our problems are different.

But if you don't feel anything at all, and you need to use reasoning to decide what to do, because your feelings don't show up, then you have the same problem than me haha. 

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Altostrata

Theon, you could start out at dinner saying, in a joking way, "Hey, let's make sure we divide the drinks separately from the food, I'm not going to be drinking again" or something that indicates you're going to want a fair division of the bill -- before the bill comes.

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Jin

Theon, don't mind me asking do you have genital numbness? Are you experiencing pleasure less ejaculation? Do you not experience build up for orgasm?

If everything is working and loss of feeling is your only complaint then perhaps you are just suffering from depersonalisation not PSSD.

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Theon

Theon, don't mind me asking do you have genital numbness? Are you experiencing pleasure less ejaculation? Do you not experience build up for orgasm?

If everything is working and loss of feeling is your only complaint then perhaps you are just suffering from depersonalisation not PSSD.

 

I don't know... I've already suffered depersonalization in the past, when I was 15 or 16, after experiencing quite bad anxiety, and it was different from this. 

Luckily I don't suffer genital numbness or pleasure-less ejaculation, I am very grateful for that.

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Jin

Unfortunately, I am suffering from genital anethesia and pleasureless ejaculation along with loss of libido :(. PSSD is not well defined and it's hard to judge who fall with the realm of PSSD or who doesn't.

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Wingbatty

Hi Theon -

 

This was a huge problem for me. And I stayed on my medication for over 9 years, letting everyone take advantage of me. Now that I'm not anymore, my marriage is becoming a huge problem. My husband is so used to just walking all over me that when I stand up for myself, he acts like he is being put upon. "oh woe is me, my wife is so mean. She doesn't want me to spend $20,000 on myself for my hobbies and she even thinks our kids should have basic needs met, like shoes that fit. Ugh, my life is so sad".  :angry: Most days I feel the resentment is insurmountable and I'm just waiting for the school year to be over so I can leave.

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Skylark

I'm sorry for what you lot are going through.

 

Actually, I was more easily abused before. (Granted, I was an abused kid then.) Now, I can't stop being enraged. Over every little thing. It's unbearable. The stress it creates is crazy, and since I fluctuate between being enraged and being abused/too non-assertive, I sometimes find it really hard to tell what the reality of the situation is - am I being wronged or not? It seems like I err on both sides way too often, but with my horrible childhood, counselors have told me I'm prone to abusive patterns, too. And from what I've told them, there is a very real pattern of abuse, because I don't know how to stand up for myself calmly, so abusers are alternately attracted to me, while healthy people are alternately scared away (by the rage, and other unhealthy behaviors) and just don't take notice of me because they're not attracted to people they can easily abuse.

 

I hope that's not too confusing. I feel inflamed most of the time, though. This seems to go beyond irritability. I could be wrong, and it's partly the stress and fear that inflame me, but I find it really hard to calm down and stop worrying. The only thing that helps is when I cut out carbs and eat a really protein-heavy diet. But extremes aren't healthy. Fear and anger seem to have taken over my psyche, though. I hardly ever feel anything else.

 

I got accepted into a master's program recently, and though I wanted to feel happy, knew I should feel happy and proud and all the rest of it...I really didn't. Weirdly, I did feel some sadness. I can still feel grief. Fear, anger, and grief. Grief is usually buried and out of touch because it's an ocean that would just drown me if I let it burst forth.

 

Oh, damn...I'm sorry if I'm hijacking the thread. But just checked the date - apparently not. Well, I'll try starting my own next time. It's just that my brain is a bit of a mess at the moment, and it's hard to think clearly.

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btdt

It is easy for others to take advantage when our brains are not working well just now your brain is still working well enough for you to notice... so it is not all a loss like it could be.  I think the advice here is really good.  Some of them I wish I had thought of when I needed them in the past. Good luck.

peace

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Cookson

Late reply I know! For me its a feeling of deapersonilsatinon (shocking spelling i know) and an emotional bluntness. Hope your doing okay buddy anyhow

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