Pretzle: Getting ready to try for a baby, and getting off citalopram (celexa)

[ChessieCat]

Hi Pretzle,

 

Keep the libido in check for the time being .

 

Just checked Cipramil ingredients from this site.   It looks like it does contain water so you should be able to dilute it.  I'd wait for confirmation though, just to be sure.

 

6.1 List of excipients

• Methyl parahydroxybenzoate (E218)

• Propyl parahydroxybenzoate (E216)

• Ethanol

• Hydroxyethylcellulose

• Purified water

 

So it looks like you'll be good to go.

 

CC

[Pretzle]

Haha, thanks. I'm quite cycle savvy by now (doing fertility awareness method) so I know when I'm safe and when we have to stay protected Period is starting today or tomorrow (can already feel it). What sucks is that it means period coincides with the latest dose reduction, which I started yesterday evening. 

 

I can't remember how quickly I started getting w/d symptoms last time, I think it was very quickly. I'm a bit nervous about going through this again, but I know I have to in order to get where I want and need to be. Last time was messy though - I first had one or two days at 5 drops (which is supposedly MORE than the 10 mg tablet I was on), after that I went to 4 drops (should have been equal to the tablet) and then rather (too) quickly to 3 drops because I wanted the first 'real' reduction. That may have made the symptoms worse, because it basically meant I had jumped around a bit in dose (without intending to updose I did for a day or two, thanks psychiatrist for telling me to take 5 drops). So maybe this will be slightly smoother... 

 

2 drops (=4 mg) currently. I know that's not 10 % (or close to), but I decided to go this route anyway, at least for this round. I have two calm weeks at work ahead of me (only work in the mornings), a good support network and I did jump back pretty quickly after last time. Symptoms were just gone one day to the next and did not return after that. We'll see how it goes... I'll keep you updated

[Pretzle]

Before any symptoms start, I'd like to write a reminder/motivational post to myself to read when things get bad: 

 

Reasons for wanting to be med-free:

1) Restoring a natural balance to my brain. 

2) Having a healthy, med-free body for a baby to grow in (hype hype hype!). 

3) Not having to worry about missing a dose or two and experiencing horrible withdrawal. (Never happened, but still a good reason). 

4) Saving money not having to visit the psych or getting meds.

5) I want to show myself & everyone that I can cope without meds.

6) Getting my hormones to be more balanced, naturally. (I think the meds might be messing up my cycle, too). 

 

Some things to remember: 

- Last time it took two weeks of prrrretttty bad symptoms before I felt better. It sucks, but I can wait this out.

- Take it easy on the exercise front. No use in falling over, or making the nausea/fatigue worse by jumping around. This is one situation where 'sweating it out' does not work. W/d is NOT a cold, don't treat it as such.

- Nap when necessary, or even when not necessary but possible and comfortable. Sleep is good for brains.

- Having trouble falling asleep? That's fine, listen to an audio book if possible, or just lie there and relax. 

- Now is not the time for any big changes/goals. This is not the time to get extra fit. Now is not the time to enforce a completely different diet. Take it easy.

 

- Healthy food will help you heal, though. Easy healthy food is probably preferred, don't worry if you can't make a lavish meal. Lots of veggies, some eggs/protein. Husband can also make dinner a few times. 

- Try to limit 'noise'. Listening to music while browsing or working? Usually great and nice. Limit stimuli when possible. 

- One more on exercise - don't neglect your body. Walking, stretching or other slow forms of exercise are good and even necessary. Do something every other day at the very least.

- Notes, write them, read them, use them. Your brain will feel fried and you WILL forget things. Make sure you have reminders (also at work) to help you remember the necessary things. 

- On that note, check that your keys are where they should be before going to sleep. No leaving them outside this time, please.

 

- You usually work very hard. Taking a few more minutes to answer an e-mail during this stage is absolutely fine. I know your fingers aren't working as they should and that typing correctly is hard. It's ok, the backspace button exists for a reason. 

 

------

 

This got fairly long. Oh well. 

 

Currently I'm a bit 'hyper'. Probably just nerves at this moment, and I think I'm talking myself into 'already feeling spacy'. I don't think it's that, just yet. But yeah, the nerves are real. Boo. 

[ChessieCat]

Hi Pretzle,

 

Good idea and good job.  Just don't forget to read it!  Take care.  CC

[KarenB]

I really enjoyed your lists - I think a lot of people will. 

 

It's true that meds can muck with your cycle - just one more thing to deal with...

 

I know you've made the decision to drop, but I just wanted to post a gentle reminder that you might do better to hold another 2 weeks first.  It's not long since your last drop, so your body might find it more difficult this time (another reason to go with 10%).  The urge to drop can actually be a w/d symptom - it's connected in with the manic feelings, among others.

 

Whatever you decide, wishing you all the best.

KarenB

[Pretzle]

Thanks for the reply, and thanks for the reminder  

 

I would have considered holding for longer if I didn't have an important work day January 23rd. I really hope to feel well for that day (obviously I could hold until then.. but... that's too long. I feel like I'm already testing my therapist's and psych's patience going this 'slowly') and I feel like I have the best chance for that by lowering my dose now and giving myself almost a full month to deal with that. So far it has worked every time, to feel ok again within 2-4 weeks. Curious to see how this time will play out. 

 

I've been mostly fine today, a bit 'spacy' (again, not too sure if it's actual symptoms already appearing, or symptom-spotting too much *shrugs* in any case, it's not very severe or even really annoying). 

 

I know it typically gets more challenging at lower doses (which makes me nervous just thinking about it), but I'm hoping that the last drop was made more difficult by messing around with the dose too much within a short time (changing to the liquid, going 'up' a bit because of the different rate of absorption or the liquid) and then immediately dropping the dose a bit from what it was. This time it's only a drop, after being stable for a few weeks. Hoping that was enough. But as long as it doesn't get any worse than it was last time, I'll be able to deal with it pretty well. 

 

Next update might be in a while, I'll try to avoid the forum for a bit. Symptom spotting is not going to make things better after all.

[KarenB]

Okay - fingers crossed for you .  Such a shame your therapist and psychiatrist are causing you to feel pressure to go faster than what will be best for you.  All the best til we hear from you again.

 

KarenB

[Pretzle]

Back (for now)  

 

So far so good! First 2 days I didn't notice anything (huge surprise there, haha). Last two days I took an extra nap in the afternoon (generally tired, today I had a headache - but the headache could be random). I've noticed I'm just the tiniest amount 'fuzzy brained' (sometimes I take awhile before finding the word I'm looking for), but ... maybe because I expected things to be worse, I'm patient with myself and I don't really mind. 

 

No: Brain zaps, trouble sleeping, maybe only 5 % of the time a bit of spaciness/dizziness. I had (so far) a grand total of two waves of nausea. 

 

I know it's still early times, but I'm pretty much convinced that this step is at least smoother than the last one January 23rd is the earliest date I might lower my dose again, so I have enough time to see if symptoms will get worse or not. I'm pretty sure last time they appeared more quickly, though. Here's to hoping things will stay like this, then get better, and that the remaining steps will be smooth, too. 

[Pretzle]

Update time!

 

I have had a few dizzy spells that's pretty much been it. I almost feel guilty for being this lucky with this reduction, almost. I hope it can give hope to people who are struggling. One difficult reduction does not necessarily mean that all others will be that difficult, too!

 

I'm not quite as happy as I was back in October (when still at 20 mgs), but I think it's just normal seasonal variation in my baseline. I think I'm around 5-6/10 most days (haven't been under 5 in a long while) so I'm not complaining at all  

[Pretzle]

Ok I'm done with the stupid drop-system. I dropped the bottle once, and now the drops don't work properly (come from the side of the thingy, or drop more quickly/slowly than before and I'm pretty sure it messes up the amount it actually drops). 

 

Last two days I could definitely taste it was a bit stronger, so I think I've been taking more than intended Yesterday I felt a bit uncoordinated because of that.

 

So, I found my syringe, and made a solution. Can anyone check that my maths are ok? 

 

Basic solution = 1 ml = 40 mg. 

 

I added 1 ml of water, so now it's 1 ml = 20 mg. 

 

I added 2 ml of water to that (same as total amount of fluid before this step), so now it should be 1 ml = 10 mg. 

 

I currently take 4 mg, so I should take 0,4 ml. Is that correct? 

 

Thanks so much! I'm still staying at 4 mg until at least January 23rd, but I just want to make absolutely sure that I'm not taking more/less randomly based on the crappy drop system.

[ChessieCat]

Hi Pretzle, I've just done the calculations a bit differently and come up with the same answer.  I hope that helps.

 

Basic solution = 1 ml = 40 mg. 

 

I added 1 ml of water, so now it's:      2 ml = 40 mg

 

I added 2 ml of water to that:             4 ml = 40 mg

 

Divide both sides by 4:                       1 ml = 10 mg

[Pretzle]

Thanks I'm a bit of a goof when it comes to numbers, so that's quite reassuring. 

[Orangecat]

Hi Pretzle! I'm also trying to taper off of my meds before trying to conceive... And I'm also trying to learn FAM... AND my husband is also a graduate student. And I'm getting better at managing depressive tendencies. Let's get through all this mess!

 

Just read your thread and you sound cheerful and brave. Thanks the the list- I know you made it for yourself but it will help others too. Welcome to the world of syringes! It shouldn't last too long, let's hope!!

 

Hope your drop is going okay, and also that your big work day earlier this week went well.

 

About to do another taper after holding at around 25 mg Zoloft for a good long while. I hate the withdrawal symptoms I experience- mostly morning anxiety and fatigue and general crankiness. Sleep makes so much difference. The magnesium helps!

 

Glad to find another person in this position- I know of one other, a woman in the UK, who was similarly tapering and is now pregnant : ). It seems to be a strong trend in the Is for women not to bother getting off of their Ssri's before conceiving. They are told not to worry. Many women seem to be able to actually reduce in the manner the drug companies suggest, which is far too rapid for my system (tried it).. It feels lonely caring about this sometimes, and having the symptoms. Particularly challenging for me is being patient. The thought of having withdrawal trouble while pregnant isn't a nice one though. Much more fun to dream about pregnancy in general : ))). Anyway, great job and carry on! Wishing us both luck in 2016.

[Pretzle]

Hey there and thanks for the comment!

 

The drop from 6 to 4 mg remained as uncomplicated as I mentioned in the last update. I pretty much didn't notice much of anything. Psych suggested last drop (tablets 10 mg to 8 mg in liquid) might have been worse because of the switch in form of the drug.

 

Saturday went very well We had a wonderful day, first time we organised this and all the students were (very) pleased (average grade on the evaluation form we handed out at the end: 8.5/10!).

So I did decrease on Saturday.

 

Between Saturday and today I've been decreasing  from 4 mg to 2 mg ('2 to 1 drop'). I've made a solution with water so I could do this gradually. I'll stay at 2 mg for a while now to see what will or won't happen, but so far so good.

 

Yesterday evening I had a moment of feeling a bit 'dizzy'/spacy. But whether from the meds or from tiredness, no idea. Yesterday was the first day at 2 mg. 

 

Hubs and I decided to 'not try, not prevent' this cycle. I'm in the 'two week wait'. I mostly decided this because so far I've had a very short luteal phase (between ovulation and period), so the chances of actually getting (and staying) pregnant are quite slim at the moment. If it happens we'll be very pleased, however. I'm at such a low dose now that I feel confident I'll be able to come off within about a month if I do end up being pregnant. I'm fine with that. 

 

To be honest, I hope I'm pregnant. But either way I'll be fine. 

 

Here's to hoping and praying this step will be as easy as the last, and that the final step will be doable as well...

[Pretzle]

Update!

 

Yesterday was the first evening I did not take any Citalopram. I lowered my dose steadily from 4 mg to now zero (basically I went 4 - 3 - 2 - 1.5 - 1.25 - 1 - 0.7 - 0.5 - 0.4 - 0.25 - 0). 

 

A bit quicker than I might have done otherwise, but... I'm pregnant So far no real withdrawal symptoms, unless it's nausea/slight dizziness, but those are also early pregnancy symptoms. The most important thing though, so far I've not been any more sad/depressed. Unless I end up having lots of w/d symptoms I don't think I'll be back on the forums (I get symptom spotting and end up seeing more symptoms than I really have). I also had my final appointments with the shrink and psychologist. They will however send a letter to the pregnancy clinic that deals with mums on meds or with a history of meds - mostly so that if things get difficult I have a place to quickly go to for questions/support.

 

I'm optimistic and very happy with getting off the meds since switching from tablets to liquid (that switch was horrid, after that it was pretty much smooth sailing. Unless things will still change, which I know is possible). Last appointment my shrink told me that 1.5 mg was probably just more of a placebo than having any real effect. I know that's definitely not true for everyone. I hope I end up being one of the lucky ones, but if not I think I'm in a good position with plenty of support to cope anyways.

 

Thanks for the support everyone, and all the best in your own tapering journeys!

[KarenB]

Congratulations Pretzle, we'll keep our fingers crossed for you .

 

Hugs,
Karen

[Orangecat]

So many congratulations!!!! I'll be in your shoes come May if I have any say in the future : )). Best, best of luck to you and your family. Remember there's no shame in getting talk therapy support while pregnant- it helps me immensely!!

[Pretzle]

Thanks  

 

I received a letter from the hospital with TWO appointments there. I kind of feel like "Hey, wait, that wasn't my intention at all!" I'll need to reschedule anyway, so I'll phone them and ask if it's necessary - because I don't think I'll need constant monitoring (and don't want it to be honest! I just want to try and enjoy this pregnancy as a 'normal' person. I'm not on meds anymore, and IF I need it, I know myself well enough to know that I WILL contact them at that point). 

 

Other than that - a few hot flashes, some extra fatigue but overall I feel absolutely fine. And again, that could be from getting off the meds, or generic pregnancy symptoms .

[ChessieCat]

Wow, what lovely news.  Congratulations to both you and your husband.  Take care and please drop in when you can to let us know how you are.  Wishing you a wonderful pregnancy!!!

 

CC