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FunkyBaboon Writing my introductory post is hard write now


FunkyBaboon

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Has anybody got any ideas on how I can get some kind of purpose back in life?

 

Good update, FB.  Thanks very much.  Glad to hear that you have stabilized to a substantial degree and kudos on your introspection and research.  Coming up with a story that works for you as to why things happen is very important to acceptance.  I say it this way because while your rationale is very logical -- and it may very well be the exact cause of your "crash" -- none of us know how these things really happen specifically.  Given where you are and where you have come, I agree that this is a logical analysis of what happened -- the too many drops in an already full bucket theory.

 

You write very well and have done a nice job putting this together.  What about journaling about your experience as a way of finding some purpose in each day.  Write for 10 minutes day one and 20 on day 2, etc.  Once you are at a point where you can get to 90 minutes of writing on a daily basis I would be willing to bet that you will start looking forward to getting up each day to start capturing your thoughts.  Given that this kind of mental stimulation also serves to increase BDNF it might serve the dual purpose of helping you heal.

 

Just a thought.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Hey Andy,

 

Thanks for your comment I really appreciate your words of wisdom! 

 

I admit that the current story I have come up with is simply my best guess based on the limited research I have done to date and I'm sure in the future I will find holes in my current understanding and will refine it further, but having a story that works for me is essential in this process. As somebody who is very logical and analytical (the software developer in me needs logic & reason!) I need a story that I can cling onto to explain what is happening to me so that I feel as though I have some form of control. The previous story that I told myself was a much more simplistic version of my current understanding and it was based mainly around antidepressant dose changes. So when I started experiencing a serious worsening in my condition after a long hold at 10mg and my story couldn't explain it, I freaked out completely, which made things a whole lot worse.

 

Your suggestion to start writing more and journaling my experiences is a fantastic one and I will make an effort to start writing more frequently. I would love to check into survivingantidepressants more often but I limit my interactions to this site to the times when I'm feeling more optimistic and positive. I do this because anything I read that is slightly scary or worrying when I'm in a pessimistic or negative mindset only adds to my troubles and I can't cope with that. I also feel that anything I write on the forum is tainted by my current mood and so in order to ensure that my contributions to my own journal and my comments on other peoples posts are as supportive, encouraging and optimistic as possible, which, let's face it, is what we all need, I only post when in the more buoyant mindsets too.

 

I've further revised my next dose reduction down from 7.5% to 5%. This is because even the thought of a 7.5% reduction scares me too much right now. I'm about to go away on holiday for a couple of months and spend time with family and friends and I really don't want my reduction to negatively affect the time I spend with them too much. I will see how this next 5% drop goes and make the call as to whether to continue on that trajectory or whether to up my rate slightly to 7.5% on the next one.

 

Cheers,

Funky

A convenient link to my introduction post

 

2003 Paroxetine (20mg I think) daily for 5 months due to extreme anxiety before final exams and stopped cold turkey. From 2003 onwards I have suffered with extreme anxiety, akathisia, severe muscle tension & digestive problems whenever off I'm off anti-depressants.

2007 Clonazepam (unsure of dose) - took approximately 100 tablets to try and self medicate for anxiety.

2007-09 Amitryptyline 10mg - was advised to take this "as and when needed" for anxiety.

April/May 2011 Diazepam 2mg - 2 week course followed by complete inability to sleep upon finishing so started Citalopram 40mg and I was able to sleep again.

Mid 2012 Diazepam 10mg - took approximately 100 tablets.

Mid 2012 Started Citalopram taper - 5mg reductions every month or two, severe withdrawal symptoms throughout taper.

Apr 2013 Completely off Citalopram and continued to have severe withdrawal.

Oct 2013 Completely fell to pieces mentally and alongside had a whole host of debilitating physical symptoms too. I went to the doctors who performed whole batteries of tests but had no idea what was wrong with me. They tried me on Sertraline and Amitryptyline to which I had terrible reactions which made symptoms worse. Eventually got put on Nortryptyline 25mg, which I tolerated and over 3 months withdrawal symptoms started to abate.

Mid 2014 discovered survivingantidepressants.org and hallelujah! I knew what was wrong with me - slow taper FTW!

Late 2014 & 2015 Reduced Nortryptyline 22.5mg & 20mg respectively in November & December of 2014. In 2015 Tapered Nortryptyline from 20mg to 10 mg in 2mg increments. Withdrawal symptoms with each dose reduction are debilitating but in a much different way to Citalopram.

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Feeling a lot of love for survivingantidepressants today. This place is special. #JustSaying

A convenient link to my introduction post

 

2003 Paroxetine (20mg I think) daily for 5 months due to extreme anxiety before final exams and stopped cold turkey. From 2003 onwards I have suffered with extreme anxiety, akathisia, severe muscle tension & digestive problems whenever off I'm off anti-depressants.

2007 Clonazepam (unsure of dose) - took approximately 100 tablets to try and self medicate for anxiety.

2007-09 Amitryptyline 10mg - was advised to take this "as and when needed" for anxiety.

April/May 2011 Diazepam 2mg - 2 week course followed by complete inability to sleep upon finishing so started Citalopram 40mg and I was able to sleep again.

Mid 2012 Diazepam 10mg - took approximately 100 tablets.

Mid 2012 Started Citalopram taper - 5mg reductions every month or two, severe withdrawal symptoms throughout taper.

Apr 2013 Completely off Citalopram and continued to have severe withdrawal.

Oct 2013 Completely fell to pieces mentally and alongside had a whole host of debilitating physical symptoms too. I went to the doctors who performed whole batteries of tests but had no idea what was wrong with me. They tried me on Sertraline and Amitryptyline to which I had terrible reactions which made symptoms worse. Eventually got put on Nortryptyline 25mg, which I tolerated and over 3 months withdrawal symptoms started to abate.

Mid 2014 discovered survivingantidepressants.org and hallelujah! I knew what was wrong with me - slow taper FTW!

Late 2014 & 2015 Reduced Nortryptyline 22.5mg & 20mg respectively in November & December of 2014. In 2015 Tapered Nortryptyline from 20mg to 10 mg in 2mg increments. Withdrawal symptoms with each dose reduction are debilitating but in a much different way to Citalopram.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Sorry to have to be the bearer of terrible news. Funkybaboon (Adam) was my oldest friend, we knew each other since school days. While visiting family in the US he was involved in a freak cycling accident, and did not survive. He did not suffer.

 

Apologies if this is not the correct place to post this. I know he had many friends here, please pass on to anyone who needs to know.

 

He cared a great deal about this community, although he will not be here in person any more please keep him with you in your hearts, if he was here now he would be thinking of you all.

2001-2002 Venlafaxine 300mg (2 x 150mg double strength Efexor XL). Instructed by GP to reduce dosage by alternating between 300mg one day and 0mg the next, with predictable results. Managed that for approx 2 weeks, then to avoid suicide went full cold turkey.

2009-2015 Successful non-drug treatments - CBT for anxiety, light therapy for seasonal affective disorder.

2001-2015 ongoing withdrawal symptoms. Primarily apocalyptic nightmares that take a full day to recover from, also loss of smell and memory.

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  • Administrator

I am so very sorry for the loss of your friend. I feel I know him from his words and feel his loss, too. Very sad.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Just seen this, Africa just messaged me.

 

In total shock, I'm incredibly sad of this news, and he was so looking forward to his trip to the US (seeing his family) as well as various adventures in Europe over the summer.  

Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)  Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018  Diagnosed with: 5th August 2021 PTSD/C-PTSD Diagnosed with: March 2022 Interstitial Cystitis (IC)/Painful bladder syndrome

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  • Moderator Emeritus

RIP, Funkybaboon.

 

So sad.

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Adam and I had very similar experiences and he was always there for me.

 

We kept in contact regularly and I met him in person for the first time at our last support group meeting.

 

He was the kindest person I have known and when I felt so alone he gave me so much strength.

 

He was so exited about his trip to the US and his travels this year and it was so wonderful to see him so happy.

 

I will miss you so much Adam and will always keep you in my thoughts.

 

Thank you for everything

 

Brigitte xxx

<p>February 2009 started taking Paroxetine 10 mg everyday. Reducing very slowly in February 2015.15

December 2015 was on 5 mg Paroxetine 4 days a week and 7.5 mg 3 days a week.

Severe withdrawal. Back to 7.5mg everyday from today 25 March 2016  7.1 mg everyday (stayed on this dose for 8 weeks) 23 May 2016   6.7 mg everyday (stayed on this dose for 6 weeks) 4 July 2016   6.3 mg everyday (stayed on this dose for 8 weeks). 2 September 2016  5.9 mg (stayed on this dose for 10 weeks) 9 November 2016  5.6 mg (stayed on this dose for 8 weeks) 4 January 2017  5.3 mg (stayed on this dose for 6 weeks) 20 February 2017  5 mg (it's taken me 2 year to get half way!!) (stayed on this dose for 4 months) 20 June 2017   4.6 mg (stayed on this dose for 5 months ) 27 November 2017   4.2 mg (stayed on this dose for 7 months) 17 June 2018   3.9 mg (stayed on this dose for 7 months) 22 January 2019   3.5 mg {stayed on this dose for 2 years) 16 January 2021   3.2 mg 

3 April 2021  3mg

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This is terrible! FunkyBaboon took the time to reply to one of my emails with a lot of supportive ideas that really helped me at a bad time. I find his last comment to us on his thread even more saddening. He will be missed!

Lexapro: started in 2002 at 10 mgs.

Ambien: started as a as needed sleep aid in 2010.

Quit Lexapro cold turkey in June 20015 due to contributing to low sodium issues.

Restarted Lexapro in late November for a week (only 5 mgs) but quit due to dizziness side effects. Side effects worsened for 3 weeks until

12/24/15: Protracted WD hit, experienced extreme anxiety, insomnia lack of full concentration and social challenges.

Reinstated Lexapro on 1/1/16 at 5 mgs. Increased per Dr to 7.5 MG. Tapered off Lexapro in March 2016.

Started 50MG of Seroquel in late January 2016 for bedtime to help in eliminate Ambien. Tapered off both Seroquel and Ambien in March 2016.

2/14/16: Prescribed both Remeron (15 MG) and Temazapam (15 MG) for sleep. Also use Klonopin and Ambien again in place of Temazapam to avoid addiction. However I did take Temazapam 60 straight days

6/15/16: Stopped use of all benzo's and now use Belsomra 1-2 times a week. Still on 15 MG of Remeron

10/11/16: Off all psych medications

 

After kindling, trying to regain my strength suffering from severe mental and physical fatigue.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I am shocked and saddened to read this news, and my heart goes out to Adam's family and friends. He was doing so well and his last post here was lovely. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

So sad to hear about Funky and sorry for his loss to all who knew and loved him.  It's hard to see someone's thread and realize they are no more.  I'm just glad that he was enjoying himself on vacation, riding a bike! and wasn't a tragic end result of the drugs.  RIP Funkybaboon  :(

 

SG

Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac.  Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002
Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history.  Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots!
Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off.  Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep.

June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened!  Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015.

Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month.

12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 

Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18:  2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor

 

My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Adam's memorial service will be on July 15th in Torquay, if you would like to be there please let me know

Edited by ChessieCat
removed email address

2001-2002 Venlafaxine 300mg (2 x 150mg double strength Efexor XL). Instructed by GP to reduce dosage by alternating between 300mg one day and 0mg the next, with predictable results. Managed that for approx 2 weeks, then to avoid suicide went full cold turkey.

2009-2015 Successful non-drug treatments - CBT for anxiety, light therapy for seasonal affective disorder.

2001-2015 ongoing withdrawal symptoms. Primarily apocalyptic nightmares that take a full day to recover from, also loss of smell and memory.

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