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NegaNathan needs help


NegaNathan

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hello, been reading up on this site and the topics of protracted withdrawal for a while now and am really really losing the will to live

 

been in withdrawal since may of this year (2015) main problems being extreme anxiety and panic, major depression, complete loss of personality, brain fog, memory problems and social anxiety (completely different and much worse than i have ever been before medication or on medication)

 

i have also been having to deal with a bad personal situation of a relationship break down and losing all my friends/support network and future

 

i lost my job due to illness even while medicated and live back at home with my parents (i am 27)

 

i have suicidal thoughts daily and it is very distressing

 

i am seeking help from a therapist but i do not have any good days, i suffer everyday constantly and have lost all my coping mechanisms, literally all of them and don't get a break from this i feel worse and worse everyday and want nothing to do other than sleep

 

i contemplate reinstating daily even though i am terrified of going back on these drugs again (citalopram 20 mgs) and that i have left it too long to reinstate but I am suffering so much.. i would not wish this on anyone

 

my GP doesn't recognise withdrawal and im sure he would give me any medication i could ask for im just wondering if anyone has reinstated after a second time off medication for many months

 

i have  tried and am very familiar with supplements and excercise but have found this to have little relief other than curing brain zaps

 

this looks like a wonderful community and i am in dire need for some hope and help

 

thankyou

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

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Great you find this place!

 

I'm sure the mods here will sort you out..I reinstated many many times but your lucky (I know you don't feel it now) as I've reinstated about 8 times during the yrs never finding out what was wrong with me and making things v bad going back on at huge doses.

 

The mods here might suggest a little amount to go back on, get stable on this small amount and eventually taper off so gradually that you can come off without so much pain.

 

:). You've found the right place!

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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Hi NegaNathan,

 

I really feel for you and am very sorry for your situation.

I have been suffering from May as well, with no end in site.

Reinstatement didn't work for me even though i never made it to 0. And if you look at my signature I switch one poison for another with no real improvement.

Loss of a relationship at any time can be devastating and especially now it is downtight horrible. If I lose my family (even if the support is not what I would like) I would see no reason to live.

You are 27! You have all life ahead and it will improve and it will be all behind you at some point.

Just like you I had issues pre-med but nothing compared to now. I firmly believe that body can adjust to the pre-med state.

If I understood correctly you can sleep. Well that is huge! Many people can't. A lot of repair and healing takes place when you sleep.

 

Hang in there!

10/2012 - Lexapro 10mg

2013/2014 - Started experiencing visual disturbances, like visual processing was slow, feeling drunk all the time

9/2014 - Lexapro 5mg, didn't notice any withdrawal, drunk feeling went away

2015 - Drunk feeling came back

5/2015 - Lexapro 2.5mg - 1.25mg - insomnia started

6/2015 - Lexapro 0.625mg

7/2015 - Severe symptoms started, in desperation on advice of pdoc restarted 5mg Lexapro - total disaster

8/2015 - Lexapro 5mg, disoriented, sleepless zombie

9/2015 - Very reluctantly started transitioning to Zoloft

as of 10/10/2105 - no lexapro, 37.5mg Zoloft

12/14/2015 - 35mg zoloft, 1/16/2016 - 34mg

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Yes amazing you can sleep! I'm 32 and had 8 yrs of my life wasted..I mean in ruins from either withdrawal or awful effects of the drugs but yay you know what this is. You'll be just fine!

2000 - sertraline for job anxiety low confidence (17 years old) ..which turned the next 16 years into nightmare!

 

On/off sertraline severe withdrawals every time. 2014 - felt better as reduced dose of sertraline no more inner restlessness. Doctor rushed off again. Hit severe withdrawal. Lost the little I had in life. Couldn't get stable again on 12.5mg. Was switched to prozac. Had severe reaction to prozac..came off in November 2015 at 6mg as felt more confused and damaged on it..Even more withdrawal ..rage, depression, dyphoria, near constant suicidal ideation, self harm impulses, doom, concrete block in head, unable to do much of anything with this feeling in head..went back on 6mg of sertraline to see if would alleviate anything. It didn't..reduced from December to June 2016 came off at 2.5mg sertraline as was hospitalised for the severe rage, suicidal impulses, and put on 50mg lofepramine which in 2nd week reduced all symptoms but gave insomnia which still have..psych stopped lofepramine cold turkey..no increased withdrawal symptoms new symptoms from lofepramine except persistant insomnia which has as side effect.

 

Taking Ativan for 8 months for the severe rage self harm impulses 1-3 times a week (mostly 2 times a week) at .5mg. Two months (I'm unsure exactly when the interdose started to happen) ago interdose withdrawal seemed to happen..2 days I think after the Ativan.

 

 

Nightmare that could have been avoided!

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thanks for the replies, as with everything i can never know what to say back,

 

dont get me wrong i have bouts of insomnia which is so strange, as if i go nights with out sleep my anxiety goes away, im resently have trouble sleeping as much as i can, being tormented by dreams of what was and what could of been to only wake up to this nightmarish reality,

 

see i used to have a quality of life i cant see how i can come back from so much damage?

 

so im just supposed to wait as it gets worse and worse then it gets better, or is the current trauma and state of affairs and time wasted just doing to permenantly cause more anxiety and depression... im such a mess, i just want be back and i have no memory of who that was

 

just not wanting to die and to enjoy something again would be a relief

 

thanks again for the replies

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

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Hi  Nathan.

 

You have landed in the right place . Welcome.

 

I'm sorry for your distress, but  we can get you through this.  Just a few preliminaries, first.  If you could put a short version of your recent drug history, of reducing or discontinuing drugs in your signature, with the drugs you are currently taking , ( if any ).  It helps people to understand your context when they read your posts.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/893-please-put-your-withdrawal-history-in-your-signature/

 

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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oops i thought it did, im not too tech savvy, fixed now

 

citalopram 20mg for 3/4 years in my early twenties, came off cold turkey because of a problem with the doctors and withdrawing bad, lasted 3 months

 

then i thought i was better for 2 years till i started getting bad anxiety again

 

tried some other ssris and an snri briefly before reinstating citalopram 10mg then upto 20mg for about a year

 

tapered as i was told for 2 months, seems it was too fast

 

in hell the last 7 months med free

 

in true hell the last 3 months after break up

 

will try to fix my signature now

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

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Hi Nathan,

 

We need a bit more information . You have been off all drugs for about 7 months ?  Was that C/T ?   When did you last try to reinstate ? ( citalopram ? )  What year ?

 

You will get hope and help , here. I wouldn't rely on your doctor . They are essentially " clueless" .  This is your second withdrawal ?   Last one - 2013 ? Please read this link  :

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

This is your thread to keep track of your symptoms, and ask questions. 

 

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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thank you ali i cant remember years thats all i can really re call about that

 

yes its 7 months off and i have read waves and windows, im no longer getting windows i used to have them but then after the relationship break down its such terrible constant waves with no release

 

i've lost everything i used to enjoy, i try so hard but it just feels so painful

 

im so scared how long things have been bad (2 years even on meds) but it got worse than i could of ever imagined

 

i've tried everything it feels like my life is over its so bad its so messed up

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

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my apologies my posts here were not supposed to be emotional

 

i just worry the current traumas on top of the withdrawal is just too much for anyone to take

 

because it sure does feel that way, i used to be so funny and out going and full of life, now i cant even hold a conversation together without dying inside

 

if I'm worse than i ever was maybe i do need to reinstate to stabilize, although that comes with a great list of problems

 

im so stuck and at my wits end, i have lost everything with no way of making myself feel better than this without being able to function or get out or work or look after myself

 

i cant believe people have to suffer like this, i am so hopeless, i have so many regrets and broken dreams 

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

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The only thing I can say to you is at least you are at home with your family and not in hospital like I am.  I have lost all my kids. home and business because of medication.

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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 Hi Nathan,

 

I'm thinking after 7 months , the window on reinstatement is closing.  I could be wrong , and this is only my opinion . It can always go either way , but as time goes on , it becomes less likely to be successful . You could perhaps try a low dose, and see how it goes. There are no guarantees , particularly this far out. It's a gamble , and your system is most probably hypersensitive. 

Magnesium and Omega 3 fish oil , can be beneficial, as well as exercise and meditation.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/

Ali.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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i have taken supplements religiously and tried to exercise its not enough, i definitely feel hyper sensitive to things i was not hypersensitive to before, how can this be possible?

 

I cant believe it, it really feels unbearable and that there is no hope

 

I dont think i can live with this, what if something worse happens?

 

Im really really sorry to hear about your situation Destroyed

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

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Hi NegaNathan, so sorry you're feeling this way, it's terrifying I know, I have been there and not too long ago either. But hang in there, in the scheme of life 7 months is not so long and in time you may see more stabilisation and improvement. Some of what might be happening with you could be Nuro Emotion

 

I find that trying to be in the present moment (however horrid it is) and not dwell on what might come to pass helps a little to dispel the fears for the future. Little things that may bring you pleasure are important to focus on. The important thing to do is pause and tell yourself you didn't always feel this way and you won't always feel this way and trust that this is true, that in the human condition we are not entirely static and emotions change over the course of years. Some guided meditation may help. 

2000: Use of venlafaxine for moderate depression for two years. Tapered off with no major problems. 

2010: Venlafaxine 5 years, doses between 75-150-300. Tolerated but only partially stabilised the severe depression & escallating side effects. 

Adverse reactions to citalopram (tried before venlafaxine), sertraline & mirtazapine (tried after venlafaxine became problematic) with suicidal ideation caused. 

2014: Adverse reaction to one prozac pill which I tried to begin taking in order to stabilise the withdrawal and actually made it horrendously worse. My body & brain went on fire two hours after taking the pill and severe WD began.

Spring 2014: CEASED ALL ANTIDEPRESSANTS. Did take occasional lorazepam (two weeks at first followed by the occasional half tablet at night sometimes.

2014: WD: living hell for five months, gradually improved a little by little for almost a year and a half but with frequent heart palpitations, weakness and anxiety and very poor sleep. Struggled to do things both physically & mentally but was improving slowly. 

2015: WD relapse with full symptoms. anxiety/panic triggered beyond initial anxiety resurgence by a couple of small half doses of Lorazepam that seem to have restarted all the WD symptoms I had in the beginning & ruined all the progress I had made. 

2017: Bad reaction to propranolol beta blockers. Nervous system kindled into violent shaking like withdrawal again. Alerting system on overdrive. 

 

Current Supplements: Omega 3 & Vitamin C, magnesium, potassium, pre/probiotics, brewer's yeast. 

 

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I am so sorry you are going through this NN.

 

I think citalopram is a nasty drug i know of people in my community in the same position.....they are erroneously convinced thanks to the doc they have a mental illness.

 

You are now 7 months drug free that is an accomplishment.

Hang in there.

Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen

We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. 

URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting  for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing.

http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651   

Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos.

Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you

Recovering paxil addict

None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. 

This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! 

  "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped."  Dr Mosher. Me too! 

Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015

I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015

Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017

 

 

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its so terrifying what I have read about this, i wish i could just get a break but as i say my interests now cause more and more distress, i have notice little differences as my palpitations are now replaced with a sinking feeling, i thought my agitation had gone but it appears it hasn't, I'm coming to my wits end which finally brought me here, i cant believe this is happening to so many people

 

thank you for the replies, i wish i could just get out of this and find some peace

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

Link to comment

i cant believe its taking years for people its so distressing

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

Link to comment

In the UK you have a yellow card system to raise concerns and complain ...do you feel up to  initiating a complaint?

 

In wdl i found that trying not to look to far into the future ...easier said than done...was helpful.

 

Its a matter of simply surviving ...one day at a time.

Its not easy but others are doing it and you can to. You have found sa ...an international group of personal cheerleaders.

You are not alone.

Thought for the day: Lets stand up, and let’s speak out , together. G Olsen

We have until the 14th. Feb 2018. 

URGENT REQUEST Please consider submitting  for the petition on Prescribed Drug Dependence and Withdrawal currently awaiting its third consideration at the Scottish Parliament. You don't even have to be from Scotland. By clicking on the link below you can read some of the previous submissions but be warned many of them are quite harrowing.

http://www.parliament.scot/GettingInvolved/Petitions/PE01651   

Please tell them about your problems taking and withdrawing from antidepressants and/or benzos.

Send by email to petitions@parliament.scot and quote PE01651 in the subject heading. Keep to a maximum of 3 sides of A4 and you can't name for legal reasons any doctor you have consulted. Tell them if you wish to remain anonymous. We need the numbers to help convince the committee members we are not isolated cases. You have until mid February. Thank you

Recovering paxil addict

None of the published articles shed light on what ssri's ... actually do or what their hazards might be. Healy 2013. 

This is so true, with anything you get on these drugs, dependance, tapering, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, just silent. And if there is something mentioned then their is a serious disconnect between what is said and reality! 

  "Every time I read of a multi-person shooting, I always presume that person had just started a SSRI or had just stopped."  Dr Mosher. Me too! 

Over two decades later, the number of antidepressant prescriptions a year is slightly more than the number of people in the Western world. Most (nine out of 10) prescriptions are for patients who faced difficulties on stopping, equating to about a tenth of the population. These patients are often advised to continue treatment because their difficulties indicate they need ongoing treatment, just as a person with diabetes needs insulin. Healy 2015

I believe the ssri era will soon stand as one of the most shameful in the history of medicine. Healy 2015

Let people help people ... in a natural, kind, non-addictive (and non-big pharma) way. J Broadley 2017

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Nathan,

 

Welcome to SA.  We can provide you with a great deal of support and information as you head down the path of withdrawal.  What you need to provide is the internal resources necessary to get through this.  You can do it.  All of us on the site are familiar with what you are going through.  This stage -- where you first learn what has happened and see how many others are in a similar situation -- can be overwhelming.  There are many stories on this site and everyone's trip off antidepressants is different.  Most importantly, just because you see someone's story that seems horrible is no reason to believe that you will be destined to follow in that path.  There are also stories of people whose situations turn on a dime and they improve and move forward with their lives.  One of the hallmarks of withdrawal is the tendency to "catastrophize" and believe that the world can never be good again.  That is not the case and if you spend some time in the "success stories" portion of this site you will realize that to be the case.

 

Realize as well that some of the things you are feeling, e.g., you identified "agitation", may not be problems that are "returning" but are, instead, simply withdrawal symptoms.  These get better with time and doing various things to calm the central nervous system. 

 

As Ali identified, you can certainly try reinstating a small bit of medicine, e.g. 1mg.  That can quell some of the symptoms in withdrawal.  As she also indicated, we see the best results from reinstatement of a small amount within the first 3 months after discontinuing the medicine.  Having said that, trying it is probably worthwhile as 1mg is not likely to be activating to your CNS even if it doesn't work to quell the symptoms.

 

Hang in there, Nathan.  As this site will attest you are not alone and as you learn more strategies to deal with the current situation you will start to feel less traumatized about where you are.  You will find the inner strength needed to get through this -- you just need to look inside.

 

Long story short -- it sucks that we are all here but as a community we can get through this together.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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In the UK you have a yellow card system to raise concerns and complain ...do you feel up to  initiating a complaint?

 

In wdl i found that trying not to look to far into the future ...easier said than done...was helpful.

 

Its a matter of simply surviving ...one day at a time.

Its not easy but others are doing it and you can to. You have found sa ...an international group of personal cheerleaders.

You are not alone.

Ive yellow carded Olanzapine.  Thanks for your concern Nathan.  Please can you list your symptoms?  I have been very bad for 3 half years but its only the last month I got my appetite back and small memories are returning.  I am in rehab where i have to go to groups i really dont want to do but its better than staying in bed all day.  I do sudoko and find that its sharpening my cognitive skills.  I have been told that there are people on here that are even worse than me that I find hard to believe, and they have all got better, but its very slow progress.  The thing is, it cant all come back at once or it would be too much of a shock for your brain to handle.  i know you are suicidal, I have tried 11 times myself but obviously I am not meant to go yet although I want to.  So dont attempt suicide, stay here with all of us who are all battling the worst forms of brain damage on a daily basis.  Self help, you obviously want to get better.

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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Memory loss, andehonia, brain fog, extreme anxiety and depression, suicide ideation, tremors

 

couldn't eat for a long while, did have palpitations regularly, which has been replaced by a sinking feeling

 

I cant work or create a better life for myself, I am completely hopeless and feel like I'm walking through quicksand 

 

I really cannot cope, cant even bring myself to go to the doctors to even reinstate if i could after nearly 8 months? my life has been wasted and i've lost so much i feel i cant live with that, i cant help but be emotional, im like this every minute of everyday with no release how can the brain recover like that? if anything it gets worse surely?

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Nathan,

 

Clearly you are in a bad place and it is difficult with words alone to make you see that there is plenty of reason to be hopeful.  You need only look at Destroyed's history to see that your situation is not hopeless.  She came to us in an awful place, received encouragement, and, fortuitously or otherwise, has seen improvement.  It is small, it comes incrementally, but it does come.

 

my life has been wasted and i've lost so much i feel i cant live with that, i cant help but be emotional, im like this every minute of everyday with no release how can the brain recover like that? if anything it gets worse surely?

 

To suggest that your life has been "wasted" is simply to be caught in the throes of catastrophic thinking that comes along with the withdrawal process.  You are 27 my friend.  Even if it takes you a couple of years to get through this process (and it might be much sooner) you will still have a good 50 years to enjoy, prosper, flourish and grow.  I know that it is hard to have perspective in the worst moments but you must find the way to step back, put things in perspective and realize that there will be life after withdrawal.

 

The notion that "if anything it gets worse" could not be more wrong.  It is hard to know exactly how it will play out for you in the short run because it is such an individual process but, in the long, run it does not get worse -- it gets better.

 

Watch these videos:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KQtO6HXJfjw

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=mea-NdKBpUQ

 

Time will heal you.  You need to find the strength to allow it to do so.

 

While it may seem impossible in the current moment, you need to change the narrative of your situation from "I can't" to "This is really hard but I'm going to do it."

 

Please read Destroyed's thread.  It is instructive.

 

Also, a new member, Feelingitall, is a contemporary of yours who is 2 years off and healing/healed.  Please read her thread copied here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/10773-feelingitall-introduction-paxil-25mg-7-years-2-years-paxil-free/

 

Best,

 

Andy

 

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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I went out tonight to Harvester with my Mum and I did something I dont normally do, I thought about someone else for a change and that person is you, so I must be getting better because I normally only think about myself.  I understand totally what it is like to have suicidal thoughts but I am not troubled by them anymore, I dont want to live particularly but I promised my children I would do my best to recover so I am doing just that.  Some of the things that have improved for me in the last 2 months are:  No longer troubled by crippling diarhorrea every day. appetite back.  Lost weight, legs and arms stronger, swing my arms when I walk whereas before they hung dead, food tastes better than it ever did before I went to hospital although it does not make me happy.  One thing I notice about you is that you sleep which I do not so that is in your favour, your brain has a chance to heal.   No pharmaceutical company, drug, person, Jesus or God do not have the right to rob you of your life and force you into a corner so fight back.

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I went out tonight to Harvester with my Mum and I did something I dont normally do, I thought about someone else for a change and that person is you, so I must be getting better because I normally only think about myself.  I understand totally what it is like to have suicidal thoughts but I am not troubled by them anymore, I dont want to live particularly but I promised my children I would do my best to recover so I am doing just that.  Some of the things that have improved for me in the last 2 months are:  No longer troubled by crippling diarhorrea every day. appetite back.  Lost weight, legs and arms stronger, swing my arms when I walk whereas before they hung dead, food tastes better than it ever did before I went to hospital although it does not make me happy.  One thing I notice about you is that you sleep which I do not so that is in your favour, your brain has a chance to heal.   No pharmaceutical company, drug, person, Jesus or God do not have the right to rob you of your life and force you into a corner so fight back.

 

Thanks, Destroyed. This is an AWESOME post!

 

It says a lot about the progress you are making. 

 

Nathan -- you are not alone in this.

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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thank you so much for your replies everyone

 

Destroyed i am so touched that i was in your thoughts and i will keep you in mine thank you so much for taking the time to reply

 

I will try and see where this goes and try to use the information you have given me Andy

 

anymore information/experience on the true effects of supplements and exercise will be welcome for instance i have st johns wort which i am too scared to try

 

i also have 5htp but i don't think it works, again i have alot of situation stuff going on wether its that i dont know

 

im concerned about the hyper sensitivity, i do notice i am very sensitive to substances

 

thankyou again for taking the time to be so welcoming and supportive

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Nathan,

 

One of the beauties of the site you have joined in SA is that there is an incredible wealth of information available.  The best way to find information is to use the search box in the upper right.  So, for example, if you go to the "Symptoms and Self Care" topic on the main list, and plug in "St. John's Wort" in the search box, among other things the following link pops up:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/652-st-johns-wort-hypericum-perforatum/?hl=%2Bst.+%2Bjohns+%2Bwort

 

This is true for 5htp but in true "teach a man to fish" fashion, I will let you do that one on your own (plus I need to leave my office).

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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thanks for the guidance andy i will pull my finger out

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

Link to comment

Try giving your profile a picture and give yourself an identity; I have lost mine but I don't want to be a black and white shape.  Do you still dream at night, listen to your dreams its your brains way of telling you what it needs.

May 2012 Olanzapine and other anti depressants. Don't know what they were.  Sertraline, Flupentixol, Sodium Valporate, Depixol, Lithium, Piportal, Mirtazapine, Lamotrogine, Venlafaxine, Respirodol ECT x 7. Don't know the dates of any of these medications because I can't remember and I have no idea of the doses either. Am no longer on any meds. Take Cod liver oil, Omega 3, B1, Sepia. Still in rehab under section 3 in the UK.   I have access to my phone and the house phone and email.

 

Symptoms 110bpm, memory loss, severe anhedonia, no motivation, poor sleep, loss of hobbies and interests including music.  Things that have come back are appetite and feeling the cold and my muscles.

 

Nothings gonna hurt me with my eyes shut, I can see through them, I can see through them - Years and Years 2015

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my dreams seem to torment me, i can no longer go on like this i'm going to have to reinstate and im so frightened

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Nathan,

 

Sorry to hear you are struggling. It is hard to know how reinstatement will work for you and what you will feel. 

 

If you do go that route, I would suggest starting on a very, very small dose, like 2mg, to see how you react.

 

With your CNS so sensitized that might be sufficient to reduce symptoms.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

Link to comment

i dont think there is anything less than 10mg or 20mg from my gp i just cant handle this at all with no stopping the constant symptoms, it has completly ruined my life and i am hopeless not knowing the answers to what is happening and genuinely fear for my wellbeing which has already been lost

 

theres no anwer but i need to stop the suicidal thoughts and the paralysing symptoms

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Welcome, NegaNathan.

 

Being able to sleep is not only a good sign, it will help your nervous system to recover. Keeping to a regular sleep schedule will also help -- go to bed and get up each day at the same time. Getting regular gentle exercise, at least 1/2 hour of walking each day, is very important. Eat well, avoid caffeine, alcohol, sugar, and artificial additives to foods.

 

Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You need to take care of yourself by separating your distress about your breakup from your withdrawal syndrome, as added stress only makes it worse.
 

If you decide to try reinstatement of perhaps 1mg, this topic explains how to take a small dose Tips for tapering off Celexa (citalopram)

 

If you are thinking of suicide, please contact your local suicide hotline or see a counselor in person. As we're only an Internet forum, we can't respond properly when you are in crisis.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome from me too Nathan, I'm glad you found us.

As you can see, you have a lot of friends here already, caring about you and willing to support you as you recover... which you will.

 

I also had to deal with a break-up, withdrawal and a few other stressful things all at the same time, I don't know how I survived, but I did. We are able to handle a lot more than we imagine when we take things one day at a time.

 

You've been given a lot of good ideas already, and I've got nothing to add, but just wanted you to know I read your story and am thinking about you.

 

Petunia.

I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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  • Moderator

hey Nathan - what supplements have you been taking?

 

Andy hinted - 5HtP and St. Johns may not be helpful

 

check here, to see what may help, and what may be more risky to try.  Like Alto said, the best & most reliable are magnesium & fish oil.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/606-important-topics-about-tests-supplements-treatments-diet/

 

I hope you see a window soon.

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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i've done the whole supplements thing, i cant find anyway to cope and haven't for a long time, another saturday where im too messed up to do anything and having nothing to do because of all these thoughts and feelings, if only i could explain

citalopram 20 mgs 3/4 years, cold turkey, withdrawal 3 months (maybe longer with out realising)

med free 2 years

reinstated citalopram 10-20mgs for a year, tapered over 2 months

 

severe withdrawal since may 2015

 

dec 16 2015: reinstated 2mg citalopram liquid

Link to comment
  • Administrator

No need to explain, you have withdrawal syndrome, like many people on this site.

 

Please read the links we've given you, they will give you some ideas about how to take care of yourself.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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