Barbarannamated: pain<-->depression...chicken<-->egg

[Barbarannamated]

Tom ~

Thank you for your comment-

The bruxism coincided with starting SSRIs (Zoloft was first ) in 1993 - only made the connection later but I have been remiss at checking other drugs and supplements for bruxism -

I was put on Klonopin qhs for bruxing and am still on 15+ years later - just love these drugs - :-(

[Barbarannamated]

Got notice today that my Long Term Disabilty that I've been on since 2001 and health benefits for husband and self are terminated as of April 1- they say they didn't receive documentation needed - it was sent 2x by fax plus an email - I've had probs in past b/c they don't receive faxes but never just cut off-

Not even a certified letter - regular mail received 2 days prior to termination of benefits -

[Daisy]

Barbarannamated,

 

That really s..ks. I am sorry to hear that. I do not have any experience in contesting, but maybe someone else does.

 

Take care

[Skyler]

Got notice today that my Long Term Disabilty that I've been on since 2001 and health benefits for husband and self are terminated as of April 1- they say they didn't receive documentation needed - it was sent 2x by fax plus an email - I've had probs in past b/c they don't receive faxes but never just cut off-

Not even a certified letter - regular mail received 2 days prior to termination of benefits -

 

Hi Barbara.. I've dealt with an SSA office locally that routinely lost information. Chances are, people who work in the office are aware of the problem and may be more receptive to you when you finally get through to them. Do you have any documentation that you sent a fax, or any other type of correspondence. Are you close enough to the office to go in person?

 

Schuyler

[tezza]

Barb

 

I'm so sorry for the additional stress this must be causing you. I'm sure it will get cleared up, so try not to worry about it if you can help it. I'm sure once they get the info ONE more time, It will be resolved. I understand how frustrating something like this can be.

 

I had a similar problem when I applied for Medicaid for my son's girlfriend who lives w us. I had to keep sending the letter stating that I was her legal guardian. It did finally work out but it was worrisome and aggravating. I'm sorry for what you're going through, it will get resolved, I'm sure.

 

It probably would move along faster if you can go there, but if you can't then I'd probably send by registered mail, with received confirmation.

 

I'm sure you don't really need this advice, but I just wanted to console you, if I could. {{{HUGS}}}

[Barbarannamated]

Thanks all. its my medical retirement through employer in Chicago, so not easy to get to. I'm having a hard time functioning at all. Had accident last time i drove (minor) - doc says my neuro function 'should' return in few months (thyroid/endocrine related, not drug).

I'm sure it'll work out one way or another. I should not write posts in the morning when everything seems much worse.

[Skyler]

Thanks all. its my medical retirement through employer in Chicago, so not easy to get to. I'm having a hard time functioning at all. Had accident last time i drove (minor) - doc says my neuro function 'should' return in few months (thyroid/endocrine related, not drug).

I'm sure it'll work out one way or another. I should not write posts in the morning when everything seems much worse.

 

Or I at 3AM.. I did not pick up the "Long Term' when responding. Don't apologize. Getting that sort of information on a Friday when it's too late to follow up before the weekend is the pits.

[Barbarannamated]

Yes, it seems strategically timed - receive notice on Friday of benefits ending on Sunday. This too shall pass...

[Barbarannamated]

I feel like I'm in freefall - maybe im one who shouldn't have taken off the serotonin mask after 18 years of continuous drugging - I thought I was good at being independent but now I think the drugs just decreased my need to bond and made loneliness tolerable - my husband and I have been together for 17 years and both of us have been medicated the entire time - I have no idea who I am and less idea who he is -

I can't believe I was ever remotely ok with this emptiness -

[Barbarannamated]

[quote name='Schuyler' timestamp='1333175708' post='19200

 

Hi Barbara.. I've dealt with an SSA office locally that routinely lost information. Chances are, people who work in the office are aware of the problem and may be more receptive to you when you finally get through to them. Do you have any documentation that you sent a fax, or any other type of correspondence. Are you close enough to the office to go in person?

 

Schuyler ~

Yes I do have fax receipts and copy of sent email -

This is a sore subject for me (being on disability and for so long) and I hate dealing with it - I've been trying to get back to work with doc's help for years but with economy and many years out of market it's not very realistic to expect to return to any traditional employment -

Just figures that the year that I'm diagnosed with several neuroendocrine problems and will need more care I'm cut off - my suspicious mind just wondered if they've been notified of new diagnoses and increased need for care and are trying to dump me - I won't go there with my mind - CANCEL that channel

[Skyler]

 

Just figures that the year that I'm diagnosed with several neuroendocrine problems and will need more care I'm cut off - my suspicious mind just wondered if they've been notified of new diagnoses and increased need for care and are trying to dump me - I won't go there with my mind - CANCEL that channel

 

I would think not.. that would involve two steps of the bureaucratic process.. but I can fully understand your concern, and I would have same. I'll be looking forward to learning how you make out.

 

Schuyler

[Barbarannamated]

LOL - thanks Schuyler

So silly to think that separate departments would COMMUNICATE

 

Ok - it's 1:30 and I'm feeling a tad human - rough mornings

[tezza]

Hi Barb,

 

I'm so sorry you're having bad mornings. You shouldn't feel bad about it at all (posting). Remember, a lot of the ones you helped me through were in the mornings. We all do it.

 

I can relate to not knowing your spouse, too. I've just learned since WD started: he's the kind of person who needs to be needed. I have become so vulnerable in lack of self -confidence and pure loneliness that he's being good to me after so many years. Looking back, now I understand why he was always hurting me and destroying my ego. He made me feel *less than*. WD is making those feelings come back.

 

Sorry, I didn't mean to reply something negative but want you to know that I understand so much. {{{HUG}}}

 

Teresa

[Barbarannamated]

Tezza -

Not negative in the least Very interesting actually -

I relate well to feeling *less than* and put down and also just not worth any effort on his part - I reacted by becoming more 'independent' to save any semblace of a life - I do not like feeling needy AT ALL -

Thnx again Tezza

[Barbarannamated]

Report from homefront … husband said he was awake at 4am thinking about ideas for a book - never mentioned interest in writing before -

He tried to call his voicemail and forgot his password for quite awhile - I was trying to brainstorm with him to no avail - he finally thought of it about 2 hours later and told me (that he remembered it -not the password)- I commented that that's a scary feeling as just yesterday I broke down in tears because I couldn't use the landline phone even as he told me how to do it (nothing fancy) but it just wouldn't compute - he grunted in agreement to it being frightening (that's a communication breakthrough in our home)~

I smell cortisol …

[tezza]

Yep, Barb, it sure does smell like cortisol. Maybe he will understand now. My husband isn't big on communication either, so I know what you mean about a breakthrough. That's really good to hear. I hope things will get better for you. ;-)

[Whatever]

So is your marriage getting better now that you DH is in WD?

[Barbarannamated]

Too soon to tell - stay tuned - that would be a miracle -

[Barbarannamated]

Managed to get out 2 days in a row -WOOOHOOO

Dreaded returning home and now feeling stuck again but it's still morning -

Husband work has been steadily decreasing and he informed me yesterday that he made less than me last month - I'm on disability and he's an MD -

I keep asking my doctors for assistance or support of any kind and get NO ANSWER - I finally told them of husband's drugging and lack of work that is stressing me terribly - very awkward b/c they know him professionally BUT they are my docs and need to understand my situation - I have yet to get several scans and sonograms ordered in January - liver… thyroid …pelvic/ovarian…echocardiogram - im so wiped out and unable to plan -

How do you all do it on your own -

 

Still no word on health coverage and disability benefits that were cut off - appealed the decision that was made b/c they did not receive fax that was sent to correct number with confirmation received - husband finally kiccked into gear when his health coverage was lost (my benefits cover him) and put fax on auto redial with request to notify us when it was received - went through 12+ times over 2 days with no response - husband called again and the guy said he received it - DH was up in arms but I've gone thru that BS every year -

[Karma]

Yay! Barb got out two days in a row!!!

 

You are doing great, Barb. It sounds like DH might be on edge ... isn't it a bit OCD to set the fax on auto redial??? Of course, I can understand doing it, but still ... a little OCD, which sounds like withdrawal ... just saying.

 

 

Love ya,

Karma

[Barbarannamated]

You are doing great, Barb. It sounds like DH might be on edge ... isn't it a bit OCD to set the fax on auto redial??? Of course, I can understand doing it, but still ... a little OCD, which sounds like withdrawal ... just saying.

 

Thanks, Karma. DH is definitely on the edge with mood swings, etc. He's been yelling alot at me, my one horse,the computer, etc. He never raised his voice before so this is unnerving. He will not talk about that it may be related to his recent Effexor taper. He's at his doc right now and I doubt that he'll tell him. I'm tempted to contact doc and tell him what I'm observin. It's all so muddled b/c he's the MD and knows these docs on a professional level, too. I'm the crazy wife. I did tell my endocrinologist and pain doc that I have no support and need help. I asked them to acknowledge receipt of my email. They did but offered nothing by way of ideas or anything at all to help. They both know the pdoc (endocrinologist treats p doc wife) and it's all a cluster f***. I don't blame any of them for wanting to tay out of it, but I'm their patient and have been for a long time. I told them that I am letting them, my treating physicians, know about psychosocial factors impacting my condition. I followed up with an email further explaining why our financial situation is so bad including the extent of prescription drug use, apathy/loss of motivation, and his rapid DC. I didn't ask for confirmation and got no response. I don't know what they could do to help but a phone call or message would be appreciated.

 

DH told me that I had more income last month than he did. I'm on disability and he's an MD and NOT RETIRED. This is so warped. Of course, everyone assumes MD=$$$ and that i must be exaggerating. I'm really struggling. Disability benefits not reinstated yet. Need meds but no insurance.

 

DH just returned - doc cancelled on him. Hmmmm....

 

Some days I just laugh at the absurdity of my life. So many things all at once that there has to be some greater force at work. I may be called into a federal investigation going on from my work over 10 years ago. Could be one of the reasons I never got a job over the past several years...

 

DH has been very even tempered - one might say automaton-ish - since I've known him. His action with the fax was when HIS benefits were cut off also. I've had troubles every year and told him, but he doesn't remember. So, it was interesting to see him finally take action. I can't begin to explain how the deadness has impacted me. I knew it was bad even when I was on SNRIs, but it's become much more obvious as the veil is lifted.

 

I've been in house for last 2 days and have to get out today. Supposed to rain again tonight.

 

Thanks for listening again.

[Skyler]

Hi Barb.. is your husband noted for being stubborn? Sounds like he knows what is going on is withdrawal, but he is having a hard time fessing up.. could this be?

[Barbarannamated]

I know him to be that way but others not so much - I have no idea what he was like undrugged but his family and old friends have been wondering why he became so withdrawn shortly before we married - I thought it was me b/c of the timing -

I only put it together recently that he began on SSRIs and benzos in the year before meeting me -

He's only recently seen the holes in the studies which is a major hit to his core with epidemiology and biostat background -

A tangled web

[Skyler]

I know him to be that way but others not so much - I have no idea what he was like undrugged but his family and old friends have been wondering why he became so withdrawn shortly before we married - I thought it was me b/c of the timing -

I only put it together recently that he began on SSRIs and benzos in the year before meeting me -

He's only recently seen the holes in the studies which is a major hit to his core with epidemiology and biostat background -

A tangled web

 

Humph, lucky guess methinks. Maybe he will stop deceiving himself. Sounds like he may be getting there now.

 

The time line for his SSRI and benzo use has to smart. Sorry to hear this. A tangled we indeed.

 

S

[Karma]

Hey Barb, you have to believe that everything will work out. One way or another, things will work out.

 

If I had the land I'd rent a horse trailer come out to California, load up you and the horses and bring you back to Colorado. I guess DH can come to if he promises to behave

 

Love and light,

Karma

[Whatever]

Hi Barb.. is your husband noted for being stubborn? Sounds like he knows what is going on is withdrawal, but he is having a hard time fessing up.. could this be?

 

A person can be on ADs for years and think that they are functioning normally. When in fact the opposite is true and for those who are close to that person see major changes in their personality.

 

Did he ever say why he was going off his meds? Maybe he was struck by lightening and finally saw his reality. I would bet that lightening was seeing how it was affecting his work and possibly causing him to loose money.

[Barbarannamated]

Hey Barb, you have to believe that everything will work out. One way or another, things will work out.

 

If I had the land I'd rent a horse trailer come out to California, load up you and the horses and bring you back to Colorado. I guess DH can come to if he promises to behave

 

Thanks Karma -

Yea - there are so many absurd things going on right now that it seems *orchestrated* - it's strange and I feel like I'm waiting for the punch line or to see how the story ends -

 

You hit on one of the biggest obstacles: the horses who are my only family - they're harder to move than cats or dogs - I love having them at home -

 

Hugs back

[Barbarannamated]

Schuyler-

I went to ISEPP conference last October and brought alot of info home - he's read some of Anatomy of an Epidemic and the STAR*D studies and saw the study design flaws immediately - he had never looked closely before but he tears apart studies that apply to his specialty - I think that's what got his attention -

[Barbarannamated]

I am so upset. Have been trying to get a callback from my pain doc (of 10+ years) since last Thursday for a prescription. Checked pharmacy Sunday. Nothing. Called office again Monday. Talked to a few people. Nobody had record of me calling Thursday. Nothing. Said they'd call by end of day. Nothing. Called answering service several times. Supervisor finally said he talked to my doc (office said he was on vacation) and he was going to call me. Hour later still nothing. Called again. By now, I'm just freakin' pissed off. Husband knows him professionally - he's baffled. Said he has complained about staff problems. Has been revolving door for years. Awful phone system. Finally he calls at 9:30 and is piseed off at me and says he doesn't do after hours calls. I said 'well if i had received a call back from Thursday or earlier today, I would never be calling you at nite!!!' He was so condescending - i had never heard that side of him. He was always respectful. If he treats his staff like he talked to me, I understand why he can't keep anyone.

 

I cried for hours and I'm still shaking. Can't sleep. This is why people turn to internet pharmacies. When will I ever learn that following the rules does not work??

 

This guy owes me a big apology. I won't hold my breath.

Something similar happened many years ago and I think he fired his whole staff.

 

This huge golden eagle in the tree outside my window is not helping my mood. It's staring right down at me Wingspan of about 5'. Afraid for my dogs.

[Whatever]

Barn:

 

I totally understand. I would have cried in frustration. I detest these kind of situations. But with a pain specialist that puts you in a horrible position.

 

If the guy is on vacation he should have a doctor who will see his patients. I don't think doctors do this anymore because what happened to you recently happened to my mom and husband- a week on no returns. And these where different doctors.

[Skyler]

 

I cried for hours and I'm still shaking. Can't sleep. This is why people turn to internet pharmacies. When will I ever learn that following the rules does not work??

 

This guy owes me a big apology. I won't hold my breath.

Something similar happened many years ago and I think he fired his whole staff.

 

This huge golden eagle in the tree outside my window is not helping my mood. It's staring right down at me Wingspan of about 5'. Afraid for my dogs.

 

Hi Barbara, I'm so very sorry this happened to you. Sounds like the eagle is your doc for now. What a very lonesome feeling. I wish it were possible to clone my own doc. He actually called me out of the blue a while back because he wanted to know how my taper was going.

 

Losing faith your doc is listening is dreadful. He does owe you an apology.. but it sounds like he is so trapped in the system he's just about keeping his own head above. The problem of course is that this does not help you... whatever the reason is for his inattentiveness, the impact on you remains the same.

 

I hope your mood lightens enough for you to see the eagle for the beautiful creature he is, and not a harbinger of doom.. except your dogs are a concern. How big are they.. what steps do you need to take to see they are secure. Maybe this days' concerns will dilute the past nights harm.

 

Schuyler

[Barbarannamated]

Thanks Schuyler and Whatever,

Got a few hours of sleep but still shaking, probably cortisol effect now. Have been sleeping awful due to the pain flareup last week, so I'm really raw.

I can't describe how badly that hit me last nite. This is a doc I've trusted for a decade...outpatient procedures, through the bad Work Comp years. When he learned of my recent neuroendocrine diagnoses, he seemed genuinely concerned and said I would be a good case study (wouldn't we all?). He's Pres. of the Orange Cty Medical Society, not that that means anything to me anymore, but the image has definitely been shattered. Of course, that new Clinical Trials Division in his empire does not bode well.

 

I have a few messages into Audubon and a friend's husband who is the lead wildlife biologist for the National Forest near us. I'll probably have a bunch of people show up with binoculars. We had a family of squirrels last year and my dog got a baby. The dogs have the run of the property (1 acre) with the horses - use a doggie door (the dogs, but the horses try). The eagle is 20' from the house in that area, so not sure how to safeguard them.

[Skyler]

Of course, that new Clinical Trials Division in his empire does not bode well.

 

I have a few messages into Audubon and a friend's husband who is the lead wildlife biologist for the National Forest I'm near. I'll probably have a bunch of people show up with binoculars. We had a family of squirrels last year and my dog got a baby.

 

Sure does not bode well..

 

When I wintered in Florida (no more, 'real' winters are good ), we always looked for Bald Eagles when out walking. They were grand to watch, so majestic. There was a bird sanctuary close by, and I was able to follow an eagle chick from the time it hatched until it took flight. A treat of the first order. Bird watchers are a curious lot!

[xDebbiejo]

Oh gosh barb, I do hope your feeling better

 

And all the help and support you gave me, is much appreciated especially when you're ill yourself

 

I hope you feel well soon xx

[xDebbiejo]

Oh gosh barb, I do hope your feeling better

 

And all the help and support you gave me, is much appreciated especially when you're ill yourself

 

I hope you feel well soon xx

[Skyler]

Sorry Barb... I keep too many screens open, and thought I was posting to my own thread. I'll get back to you later!