Do7ZeR: Uncertain, three years of madness and counting

[Do7zeR]

Greetings, I've been reading the threads on this site from time to time and thought about posting many times but putting together even a simple coherent sentence takes such a long time I never got around doing so, I've been working on this particular sentence for 20 minutes lol.

 

So 2013, things started getting strange, I started experiencing concentration problems, memory problems, cognitive problems mild at first but they kept getting worse, I could almost see my IQ falling down a drain, personality changes, impilsivity, poor judgement, odd behavior, pretty severe confusion and disorientation, at some point I developed aphasia, muscle weakness that later spread to my face (drooping eye lids) and muscle twitches. I think I should also note that I have Aspergers, prior to 2013 highly functional but this changed in 2013 with the onset of what ever this is, very scary times lots of panic, which lead me to social anxiety, Venlafaxin and Paroxetine, I tried explaining my symptoms but all that came out was the word anxiety, communication has always been hard but now it was impossible, I had no idea what was going on. Neither drug alleviated any of the symptoms. (Also, I quit every drug listed below cold turkey because I didn't know they should be tapered and the Docs told me it was no big deal). School work became impossible and so did socializing, I dropped out of school, quit returning calls, texts or emails, stopped using FB, I haven't seen or talked to my friends in almost 3 years.

I began scouring the internet for anything and everything that could explain the stuff that was going on and went through every psychological disorder, until I stumbled upon depersonalization disorder and psychosis. So essentially I self-diagnosed myself with psychosis, I even made up stories of delusions and hallucinations to get the drugs that would supposedly make me normal again, I didn't think much of it at that time, very bad move in hindsight. Olanzapine...apathy, very very bad apathy, I was still scared but couldn't care less, all the symptoms remained, even got progressively worse and developed entirely new ones but I was oblivious to that.

 

Eventually I realised I had to stop taking it and quit 25mg cold turkey, I don't remember much of that time except that I got really depressed, now It's hard to tell what is what since theres so much overlapping, but what I developed after that seems to be psychotic depression "supersensitvity psychosis", I just thought it was brain damage caused by the drug, since I got entirely new symptoms like apathy, loss of emotions, loss of empathy, strange compulsions, bizzare thought content, hostility and the list goes on.

 

Things have been really bad, only recently I started reflecting upon what has been going on since quitting olanzapine and I really don't know what to do, if hypothetically I am in some psychosis due to receptor over-sensitivity would it help to use the drug for some time and then taper off or have I caused permament damage?

 

The Mirtazapine, Paroxetin, Wellbutrin withdrawal was... well, severe insomnia, but ironically felt better than I had in years (Mania?), insomnia lasted for two weeks, the first four days I didn't sleep at all, I have complete amnesia past the first four days and ended up with an ugly scar on my arm, no idea what happened, pretty scary! And I remember the doc saying that appart from feeling a few "brain zaps" theres no need for concern.

 

I may have rambeled alot so sorry about that, I tend to forget what I'm doing or which forum I'm writing in, which is a little inconvenient lol, also I hope I don't come across as whiny, felt the need to vent after such a long time of keeping all this inside.

hoping to break some of the isolation, and try to improve my social skills to some extent and also offer some support for those in withdrawal

 

Getting an EEG, head-scan, blood tests for lyme disease and spinal tap in January.

 

Also if anyone has any input on the Olanzapine question it would be greatly appreciated.

[Petunia]

Welcome Do7zeR,

I'm glad you decided to post an introduction and share your story with us, many people find that being able to share what has happened to them can bring some relief. I'm sorry your doctor hasn't been much help, most of them are fairly clueless when it comes to withdrawal and tapering.

 

I'm a little confused about your drug and withdrawal history. Did your symptoms start after you quit Mirtazapine, Paroxetin and Wellbutrin?

 

It would be great if you would put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Doing this helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

Here's how to add your signature from a phone or tablet:

 

http://survivinganti...nature/?p=84105

 

If you could list the drugs you have taken, dates, dosages and how you stopped taking them, that would be very helpful. Approx dates is fine.

 

You don't have permanent damage, but it sounds like you are suffering symptoms caused by the medications you have been taking and the way you stopped them.  All psychiatric drugs need to be carefully tapered when you stop taking them or you risk getting withdrawal symptoms, these can last a long time in some cases, coming and going in waves and changing over time.

 

What symptoms are you having at the moment? How long ago did you stop taking the Olanzapine? Are you taking any other medications at the moment?

 

Here is some information to read which may help you understand what's going on:

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

When we have a bit more information, we can make some suggestions about what to do now.

 

You can use this thread as your ongoing journal to track progress, write about symptoms, ask questions and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want. Its a good idea to bookmark it or follow it, so its easy to find again.

 

I'm glad you joined us, you will find a lot of friendly help and support here.

 

Petunia.

[nz11]

Do7zer how are you doing these days?

Any update?