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☼ Rockingchaircat: recovery from psychotropic drugs that were prescribed willy nilly.


Rockingchaircat

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2 years. That's what apparently the minimum most folks at my experience of W/D and time on SSRI's can expect to maybe see significant improvements.  Some how, some way I'm going to have to figure out a way to get through it. For me that means 15 more months.

 

 

I know it is a tough pill to swallow :-(  

 

I was trying to read up on taurine and saw something about it working best in conjunction with magnesium.  Do you take them together?  Makes sense to take the taurine at bedtime if it is followed by sleepiness!

 

Sorry the window came and went so fast, grrrr!  Just know that it isn't going to be this way the whole 24 months!  A friend who is on here had her worst WD from Lexapro through the first 15 months, but since then life has been very tolerable, even though at 22 mo out she still can identify WD symptoms, mostly small physical things. 

 

You ARE going to make it, just gotta keep the self-care going to minimize secondary fear about how much more time this may take, yes?  More of these windows are coming, and that is inevitable :-)

 

SG

Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac.  Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002
Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history.  Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots!
Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off.  Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep.

June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened!  Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015.

Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month.

12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 

Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18:  2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor

 

My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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2 years. That's what apparently the minimum most folks at my experience of W/D and time on SSRI's can expect to maybe see significant improvements.  Some how, some way I'm going to have to figure out a way to get through it. For me that means 15 more months.

 

 

I know it is a tough pill to swallow :-(  

 

I was trying to read up on taurine and saw something about it working best in conjunction with magnesium.  Do you take them together?  Makes sense to take the taurine at bedtime if it is followed by sleepiness!

 

Sorry the window came and went so fast, grrrr!  Just know that it isn't going to be this way the whole 24 months!  A friend who is on here had her worst WD from Lexapro through the first 15 months, but since then life has been very tolerable, even though at 22 mo out she still can identify WD symptoms, mostly small physical things. 

 

You ARE going to make it, just gotta keep the self-care going to minimize secondary fear about how much more time this may take, yes?  More of these windows are coming, and that is inevitable :-)

 

SG

 

But it still needs to be swallowed. I don't like the notion of it taking so long- but such isn't going to affect the eventual time of it all.

Yes, I take Magnesium with Taurine. Well I will find out if it does any good for me tonight/tomorrow. I'm yawning again now, from a dose at 4:30 in the morning. So who knows. mayhap a 6 in the evening dose will help me get through the inevitable 2 a.m. C/S.

 

I know this blog is heavily self-centered. But I'm hoping that eventually- someone medical professional (who has some honesty and ethics ...aka Semmelweiss) will view it and take it into account. Men Fix. Women Vent?  I guess I'm doing both. And I'm hoping that my forays into supplements not only do me some good- it does someone else some good down the line.

Windows will come. More waves, but time heals all things. The annoying part? So few folks believe that this is even a case. The Docs won't or cant' believe in it. 

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Yup, I get it!  Saw my p-doc for a med check yesterday.  A psychologist checked me in because he was running late, and she was actually very interested in my story and SA...but he waltzed in and put a halt to the conversation, laughing and saying he couldn't believe I was weighing my beads, very dismissive.  I said "I'm sensitive and feel small cuts" and he said yes, a few people are very sensitive.  

 

I didn't get as inflamed as I might have once, but his arrogance and dismissiveness have put me off for real this time, and I think I'm going to fire his #$% and go back to the first p-doc I saw who was actually up on the nutritional stuff, fish oil, eliminating gluten and milk, etc. etc.  At least he spends time discussing alternatives.  Wish I'd never stopped with him!  Both will prescribe, but I'd rather spend my time with someone who is open to alternatives and doesn't smirk at my taper!!  Sorry, there's some of that female venting!

 

Well, I was pleased when a newbie said the hospital told her it could take a coupe of years to get over Cymbalta - wow!  There is hope!

 

Some day some p-doc will study and earn from your journal here, RCC.  It's just a matter of time before someone comes along to mine the experiences here :-)

 

SG

 

SG

Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac.  Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002
Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history.  Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots!
Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off.  Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep.

June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened!  Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015.

Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month.

12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 

Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18:  2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor

 

My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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I wish I had your enthusiasm SG. 

I've reached the end of my rope. I've gone ahead and made an appointment with my doc to reinstate.

 

I just spent he last two nights dozing. Lie down, get up every hour or so. Maybe get some sleep- for the last 36 hours. I've been awake and up for nearly 4. And I feel like a freaking zombie.

 

I'm not even 9 months in.  And it's killing me. I have to work a full time job. Maybe when I retire in a decade and a half I will try then. But- I'm hooked. I've grown dependent on the god awful things. And here it is, months later- and I feel like a freaking zombie. This is my bloody vacation time! And I feel awful.

 

I've been having to force myself to eat anything the last couple of days. And when I do manage to sleep- I so very hate waking up. 

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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RCC, it looks to me like you had a week or so of decent sleep.

 

Taking a combination of magnesium, taurine, and glycine in the middle of the night can help you get past that cortisol bump in the early a.m.

 

You seem to be very impatient and angry at yourself, as though you have a deadline in mind for complete recovery and you've failed at that. You known that's not the way it works. You'll have small improvements and frustrating setbacks.

 

Is it your intention to reinstate citalopram? If so, I suggest you get the liquid and try 1mg for a week to see what it does.

 

B vitamins can be activating. Are you keeping notes of your daily symptom pattern relative to when you take your various supplements? You'll be able to identify adverse reactions, if you have them, that way.

 

Why are you concerned about your urine?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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RCC, it looks to me like you had a week or so of decent sleep.

 

Taking a combination of magnesium, taurine, and glycine in the middle of the night can help you get past that cortisol bump in the early a.m.

 

You seem to be very impatient and angry at yourself, as though you have a deadline in mind for complete recovery and you've failed at that. You known that's not the way it works. You'll have small improvements and frustrating setbacks.

 

Is it your intention to reinstate citalopram? If so, I suggest you get the liquid and try 1mg for a week to see what it does.

 

B vitamins can be activating. Are you keeping notes of your daily symptom pattern relative to when you take your various supplements? You'll be able to identify adverse reactions, if you have them, that way.

 

Why are you concerned about your urine?

Friday was a nasty fatigue day. Utter low in depression.   On a Nasty Fatigue Day- I sleep in the neighborhood of an hour at a time. get up, go to the bathroom and try to sleep some more. No energy for anything more. Not enough sleep. During that hour I "might" sleep for I don't how long. But the entire episode is one in despair as my mind will work. hashing and re-hashing this wonderful trip.  I think I triggered it by pushing myself driving on Wednesday, and eating something I should've have.

Thursday night- instead of biking. I lay down for a nap. I'm that tired.  And I stay down for a nap- Until Saturday morning. I got up long enough to call in sick Friday.

Depths of despair. Window ends- it hits. I know I shouldn't allow such, but still. Life is passing me by. I want it back. Patience is what is needed. 

 

Saturday- spend the day in a daze. Force myself to stay awake. It's not easy. But I do it. It's like hiking into the Grand Canyon. You're at the bottom and you're already dog tired- and you realize you've got a long arsed climb ahead of you back up.

 

Today- fuzzy headedness. I have to be careful when it comes to making myself eat. Too much too quickly and my tummy hurts.  I did do some yard work today. But I spent a LOT of the time catching my breath. 

Strangely enough- Saturday night- (after taking Taurine and Magnesium before bed) I do sleep a bit better. I'm still sleeping on and off an hour at a time, and then a couple of hours at a time.  And I dream. Shep I think it was mentioned that he stops taking Taurine for a night or so, if it seems to 'poop' out, then comes back to it- and that seems be it starts working again. 

 

Two a.m. rolls around- the C/S. rolls in for an hour or so. 3 times- but it's nowhere near as bad as it had been.  Looking back- I'm not waking up and having to turn on the light to calm down anymore. So yeah it's far far better- but it's still happening. 

 

I shall look for glycine. I shall try that.

 

I think instead I will do what I can to keep going. After all- I'm 9 months in.  Thanks for the Tip Alto.

Yes I am hard on myself. Too much so. 

I'm scared. A new boss later this month. I've no idea if he'll accomodate me the way the outgoing boss will. He may very well. But if he doesn't. Then It's back to the crap. And it'll have to be at least 13 more years before I can try to get off again.

 

Looking back. I C/T off of Celexa, and reinstated several months later, it still took me months to adjust to it again, and that was after I started up a Benzo to cope.  And then ....weaning off of that.  

Looking back, I tapered WAY too fast off of the Celexa.  coulda woulda shoulda. 

 

So if I did go back on, it'll be awhile before I get used to that too. I'd rather stay off and deal with that instead. 

I had NO idea it would've taken this long. Benzo w/d was a relative cake walk.

 

I'll get going. I'll find a way. Somehow someway. 

 

The urine? Scares me. Cloudy- just seems to come and go. I know I've read of it online here- but seeing it continuously seems frightening to me. A friend of the family was just diagnosed with bladder cancer, and a roommate of his was diagnosed with diabetes. Someone else just had a kidney stone....

See where my anxiety has been coalescing around?

 

Money's tight. A whole passeload of bills just came cropped up. Life keeps getting in the way. But the bills will still be there no matter what happens.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Sorry to hear you're struggling, RCC. 

 

Celexa really is a bastard. It looked like you were turning a corner when your sleep was improving. It's so cruel when a symptom clears up and then returns again. Lack of sleep just makes this whole ordeal seem impossible. But, it improved before and it will do so again. 

 

It's a tough call whether or not to reinstate at nine months out. Your brain has done a LOT of healing in that time, so like Alto says, a really tiny amount might be enough if you do decide to give it a try.

2001: 20mg paroxetine
2003-2014: Switched between 20mg citalopram and 10mg escitalopram with several failed CT's
2015: Jan/ Feb-very fast taper off citalopram; Mar/ Apr-crashed; 23 Apr-reinstated 5mg; 05 May-updosed to 10mg; 15 Jul-started taper; Aug-9.0mg; Sep-8.1mg; Oct-7.6mg; Nov-6.8mg; Dec-6.2mg
2016: Jan-5.7mg; Feb-5.2mg; Mar-5.0mg;  Apr-4.5mg; May-4.05mg; Jun-3.65mg; Jul-3.3mg; Aug-2.95mg; 04Sep-2.65mg; 25Sep-2.4mg; 23Oct-2.15mg; 13Nov-1.95mg; 04Dec-1.75mg; 25Dec-1.55mg.
2017: 08Jan-1.4mg; 22Jan-1.25mg; 12Feb-1.1mg; 26Feb-1.0mg; 05Mar-0.9mg; 15Mar-0.8mg; 22Mar-0.7mg; 02Apr-0.6; 09Apr-0.5mg; 16Apr-0.4mg; 23Apr-0.3; 03May-0.2mg; 10May-0.1mg

Finished taper 17 May 2017.

Read my success story

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I provide is not medical advice. If in doubt please consult with a qualified healthcare provider.

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You need to learn stress management, you're being so hard on yourself and worrying so much is adding to your problems.

 

Can you find classes or a therapist? Meditation could help a lot.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I've just searched your topic and it appears you haven't been introduced to Claire Weekes yet.

 

Edit:  I've just checked my PMs and you have listened to this one.  May do so again.

 

 

 

Claire Weekes' Method of Recovering from a Sensitized Nervous System

 

These might be useful too:

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)
 

Resources:  Centre for Clinical Interventions (PDF modules that you can work through, eg:  Depression, Distress Intolerance, Health Anxiety, Low Self-Esteem, Panic Attacks, Perfectionism, Procrastination, Social Anxiety, Worrying)

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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I meditate everyday- or try to. Invariably I fall asleep during.  No, I will not reinstate. I've been in this dark place before. I'll be there again. And I'll get out of it again.

 

If anything else- I've learned what NOT to eat at a Korean Restaurant.  (Beef Bulgogi Soup). It tasted nice. and it tasted better with the Sriracha. But it packed one helluva after whallop. 

 

I have good moments. And I have to admit that many of the symptoms- are much improved. But, like everyone else- I want it to end NOW.

But as the signature that I stole from states so clearly- it's gonna take as long as it takes. 

9 months. That's 9 months of healing I'd rather not have to do again.

 

I drove today- safely. I held off yesterday. Too much brain fog. I took the wife out to Shari's for dinner after she got off work. My biggest fear? Dairy. Just about everything comes with dairy nowadays it seems. 

Oh? I'm on 'vacation'. it's one of those: if you don't use it,  you'll lose it kind of things. And I've no idea when I'll be able to truly enjoy a vacation again. So- use it now.

 

My biggest fear today? Myself apparently. The wife at work. No coworkers around. Plenty of chores. I've been going through and seeing what vast amounts of ....welll...crap I've accumulated over the years. St. Vincent De Paul, has no problem accepting most of it. What they won't accept goes to  a recycling center or another. 

I berate myself for having no 'better sense' for getting so much of it. And I compare myself to the somewhat better sense I have now. In that I shouldn't have wasted so much stuff on it.

But I remind myself- it could be worse. I could've still been in that mindset. So yeah. I'm learning to accept myself. It's just me and the housecats today. I take things slowly. And take it easy. The sun came out, I went for a bike ride. It was good to do that. I meditated a couple of times. And yes, the anxiety does flare up once in a while, but it's still far far less than what it was.

 

If anything else I will find a way to accept myself for who I am now. 9 months of being off? 9 months more if need be. And 9 months after that if so...

 

But I try not to think on that. There is only- Now.

 

And right now- my Libido is shot. I can see pretty girls. I can appreciate that yeah, they're pretty. But the inner male seems to be comatose. I've not been uninterested in even fantasizing since before puberty.

It too will pass.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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A fairly low key day. Instead of getting up at the usual time, I get up an hour later. Make a brekky of a sorts- and spend some extra time meditating or napping. I've discovered that I can stomach oatmeal, that's something at least.  

And I went ahead and canceled the doctor's visit tor reinstate the antidepressant.  I really don't want to have to go through 9 months of this again.

 

Some C/S last night- a 1 in the morning. I wake up and try to ameliorate it. It seems to help. I fairly soon go back to sleep. It happened a couple more times at night, but with the extra hour- it makes a somewhat improved difference. I don't like doing that extra hour- but it apparently it's necessary.

I doze off after getting home from a trip to town- no C/S from THAT nap at least. Upright nap that is.

 

I managed to get the last of the major yard twigs loaded and into the county dump.  Lowe's apparently will accept fluorescent bulbs, and will recycle ANY kind of bulb- for free. (Fluorescent = Mercury). 

And I took a chance and had a lunch at Toshi's. No ill effects thus far. Shio broth, and nothing fancy. Apparently the cashier's Mom is also trying to get off Antidepressants as well. My heart goes out to her.

 

I felt well enough to remember to get the wife some flowers- it's been a long time since I'd done that.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Sounds like some improvement there, and thumbs up on the flowers for the wife LOL!

 

SG

Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac.  Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002
Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history.  Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots!
Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off.  Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep.

June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened!  Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015.

Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month.

12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 

Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18:  2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor

 

My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Attempted to sleep in, but the bowels had a different notion. End result- a bit of a purge, not much energy for a while. Got up fed cats, ate something, went back to bed for a bit.

Some morning anxiety, much lassitude and lethargy. Mom's arriving late, for some reason the airline has her coming here through Denver instead of Frisco. Result- 2 hour delay. Seldom does the Airline ever get someone arriving early.

 

A conversation with the missus: I'm still having a bit of an obsession- only now it's getting rid of stuff.  Which means that the Obsessiveness I had on A/D was just augmented instead of totally out of the blue. 

I feel a minor unease over not getting rid of some items.  But not the usual agitation I'd normally get. 

The family friend, it turns out, does need her lawn mowed. It'll have to wait a bit more, and I got to see her lawn. Unfortunately I don't have access to a Brush Mower. Hopefully my weed whacker will be able to handle it to get it down to size for the mower.

 

The lady friend did mention that even when I should be relaxing, I'm often overworking. 

 

She's right. Dang it.  Just taking things easy, isn't an easy thing for me to do. 

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Mom's here.  I stayed up late, picking her up at the airport. I cannot seem to stay calmed down for long.  I came close to losing it, emotionally a couple of times.  And when Mom was in the shower, I had a cry with my wife's arms around me. It helped.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Well, having visitors is really stressful, even when it is Mom!  Historically, I go to pieces scrambling to get ready for visitors or for traveling, very disruptive for me.  That's why I've become such a hermit!  That was even while on Effexor - in fact I was worse on higher doses than I am now (on a "subtherapeutic" level now, 25.5 mg.  When I was in withdrawal, I was dreading having my cousins come visit because our house was a wreck, needed tons of tidying up/cleaning, and I was freaked about having nice meals prepped when I had absolutely no motivation to cook.  Thankfully, I have a Rock Star husband who is happy to cook and relieve me of having to plan and create.

 

I hope you can relax now that she is settling in.  How long is Mom staying?

 

SG

Started ADs back around 1995 after bad break-up, starting with Prozac.  Switched to Wellbutrin, and then to Effexor in 2002
Effexor XR 2002-2014 up to 225 mg at one point, down to 37.5 mg towards end but back up to 75 mg in 2014; now realize I had W/D as I dropped down, memory very poor about history.  Extreme emotions, poor concentration as I stepped back down, didn't connect the dots!
Summer 2014 reduced to 0 very quickly, was sick of anhedonia/sexual dysfunction due to meds, depression never controlled if not worse. Didn't recognize WD since symptoms built slowly (thought I had ADD! and menopausal on top of it), starting with severe sweats, very bad cog-fog and memory issues, culminating in weight loss, severe anxiety and depression, panic, severe apathy and insomnia by eight months off.  Saw p-doc who put me on Remeron, increased from 7.5 mg/day to 37.5 mg by May 22, 2015; still doing very badly though able to sleep.

June 1. 2015 Reinstated Effexor XR 37.5 mg, Remeron dropped to 30 mg PM. Immediate relief of symptoms, like nothing had ever happened!  Joined SA and began on advice of friend who recognized it was WD all along! Began tapering in July 2015.

Been tapering both meds ever since, focusing on one more than the other or doing no more than 5% of each per month.

12 mg Effexor and 5.8 mg Remeron (mirtazapine SolTabs to make a solution with OraPlus) as of 5/4/2017 

Update 3/14/18: 2.9 mg Remeron and 6 mg Effexor; 6/10/18:  2.6 mg Remeron and 4.9 mg Effexor

 

My intro: http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9313-squirrellygirl-effexor-withdrawal-etc/page-2#entry196679

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

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Well, having visitors is really stressful, even when it is Mom!  Historically, I go to pieces scrambling to get ready for visitors or for traveling, very disruptive for me.  That's why I've become such a hermit!  That was even while on Effexor - in fact I was worse on higher doses than I am now (on a "subtherapeutic" level now, 25.5 mg.  When I was in withdrawal, I was dreading having my cousins come visit because our house was a wreck, needed tons of tidying up/cleaning, and I was freaked about having nice meals prepped when I had absolutely no motivation to cook.  Thankfully, I have a Rock Star husband who is happy to cook and relieve me of having to plan and create.

 

I hope you can relax now that she is settling in.  How long is Mom staying?

 

SG

She is here till next Tuesday.  

Last night was no C/S, rather fulfilling sleep wise. This is weird, because I fully expected some C/S after all of yesterday's excitement.

 

Someday...

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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A trip to the coast. Lunch at Lovejoy's Teahouse. Nice. Then a trip to Heceta Beach. I got my feet wet in my boots in ocean water, I finished throwing the last of my collected agates into the surf. My daughter enjoyed her kite. And my wife made a love sign in the beach sand. Mom just enjoyed being on a beach without alligators.  And a small bout of hyperosmia- with the wonderful smell of millions of rotting 'By the Wind Sailors' littering the beach. They also made parts of the beach slippery-er.

 

A bit of a moment of spirituality. Then back to the usual. A bit of a drive there and back. Going through the stuff I'd found in the garage- it just amazes me the amount of meds that I'd been prescribed over the last 10-16 years. Damned near each and every one of them- GABA agonist. Bast- erds.  But I try not to hold a grudge against them for this.  But I will not be so inclined to trust.

 

I've been avoiding the fish tablet dose quite so often- result- I'm not pooing quite so much.  Result- I have a bit more energy. But no cortisol surges- less energy?  It's almost as if the body is used to running on nitrous oxide. 

 

Regular energy will return...eventually.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I just got ditched.

Wife and Mom inform me that they're going out to Olive Garden.  I was unaware of the notion that they'd been planning to go out for dinner. So, when we were in town earlier, and went home after I dropped lunch off for the friend, they decided it was time to go home.  Wife got a nap, I sat down to rest a bit, and fell asleep. Mom was reading book and doing laundry. 

After my nap, wife is still asleep, so I finish off some leftovers.  Then the bombshell.

 

Gee thanks a lot.

 

A couple of C/S in the early morning hours. But nothing major, I was awake for each, and fell asleep after. Morning anxiety started around 5:30. Breakfast and an early morning walk seemed to help. It's almost like today was a window type day. The usual anxiety patterns seem to be losing steam. Today I was mostly, mildly cranky. But I kept it subdued. Wife and Mom went off one way in Saturday Market, the special needs daughter went another. I chose to keep near the kid.  Eventually both of our pairings regrouped. But I have to be fair. This is the first Saturday the wife had off in a dog's age. And she's spending time with someone who likes her, and she likes back.

I have to admit to being a drag. So, yeah, let the wife have her fun. Mom won't be around much longer and it'll be back to me again. That's a sentence I'd not want to enjoy either.

 

On the days I do have a window- I've gotten so used to being in pain, that when it's not there...I feel empty. And i'm still afraid to take naps. Because naps inevitably meant- C/S. But not necessarily now- but the fear of it remains. So what do I end up doing? Staring off into space. 'Away with the Fairies' the ancestors called it. I find myself doing that- a lot.

 

The transition of ending the pills- meant a clear cut onset of symptoms. Recovery- is a process. You welcome a window- and you think you're FINALLY recovered. But you're not. You just got a little bit of lee time between waves. 

I'm another day closer to the shore.

Saturday Market. A kazillion nice looking young ladies out in their finery- and I cannot enjoy the view. Even surreptitiously. Libido? Nonexistent.

 

Even if I met a pharma rep, I couldn't, wouldn't do them the violence they so very much deserve.

 

I'd love to help out with other folks in SA. But I find that every time I do- I end up hitting a wall of triggers.   Maybe once I'm 'healed' a bit more. I'll be able to extend the empathy. Cause right now I'm too full of myself.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Testo shot- Restless leg last night. Coincidence?

 

I'm so freaking tired and dragging today. I can do things- I'm just dang blasted slow at it all. I was going to try and hold off going for a nap for a couple more hours. That's going to be a challenge. We took Mom to Pancake House for breakfast. I wanted that which I couldn't/shouldn't have, but I chose caution.

I looked for Amino complex, but my grocery store chose to not carry it. Find it someplace else then. I'm curious as to Glycine.

 

Still, things are improving, albeit more slow than I'd care for.  This sunny spring day- I'd have much preferred to go for a walk at some park. Can't do it- I'm just too dang tired. 

 

One C/S last night at 3:37 a.m. Very mild one. And I was able to surf/doze for a while after. I most certainly am attempting to sleep more, with limited success.  Kinda hard to rest with restless leg interrrupting your sleep.  But it was weird- only one leg (left). Now that I think about it, my skin burn or skin tingle is the same- only one side for now.

Yesterday- any kind of food touches my tongue- it goes numb for a bit.  Go figure that one out. Which helps with hyperosmia,which comes and goes.

 

Another day closer.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I took a chance today. 

I took a nap lying down (with the Cpap). Which has invariably resulted in my waking up with a panic attack. (C/S).

 

I didn't get a panic attack.  Instead I woke up after 15 minutes.  Stared at the clock for a minute- then slept for another 20 minutes.

 

I still woke up tired. And it took a half hour to fully stop feeling quite so tired again.

 

But it was a victory. A small one. But nonetheless, a victory. And I may very well not get another nap like that for a while. But I'll take it. 

 

Tomorrow- marks the start of my tenth month off.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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04/18/2016.

 

No C/S last night. Morning anxiety was at such a low level as to be mostly undetectable.  New problem since last Nasty Fatigue Day: Lethargy. Fatigue. Every morning it's been damned difficult to get up and go. My guess? No cortisol to get me going like 'usual' for the last umpteen months- I'm lacking in the normal level of go juice. And this fatigue persists. Exercise makes it less- but it's still there.

 

My tenth month of recovery began today. Mom goes home tomorrow. And getting her to the airport will also be a challenge. I picked her up at 9 in the evening. Tomorrow her flight leaves at 5:20 in the morning. So she has to be there earlier than that.

 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist.

Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist.

Celexa- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist.

Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist.

Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist.

 

http://ocw.mit.edu/ans7870/SP/SP.236/S09/lecturenotes/drugchart.htm

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I've been a Grumpy Bear today. I had to restrain myself from mouthing off to a lot of folks today- including a cop.

 

I had to get up way too early to get Mom to the airport- and as it turns out- United lied their asses off about getting Mom back home to Florida. Her return flight had her going through Denver (fine), then on to Newark, before heading back down to Florida.  As opposed to her arrival trip when she came out- from Florida to Denver, to here.

 

Now I've gotten word, they've diverted her AGAIN. So, now she's going to Houston before (supposedly) getting to Florida. 

 

@%$#!&^(^&$% United!

 

I've also been reluctant to do anything today- thus- I force myself to do it anyways. I managed to get the roof swept off and largely free of the latest round of tree branches and pine needles. This year- had an extra bonus- dirt and pollen. Both of which were so thick that much of the pine needles were basically dried in a matrix sticking to the roof- thus necessitating extra work to loosen it.

 

Mine fatigue of the last two days- is much lesser. so much so that I was able to NOT fall asleep around 1 in the afternoon.  Instead I managed to fall asleep after 20 minutes of meditation.

 

Now, this morning lack of fatigue could be one of several things- 1)I didn't take my morning Taurine. 2) I finally got access to my Happy Light this morning (Mom's been in that room). 3) The Fish Oil- a new bottle, and not leaving a sour taste in my mouth like the last bottle.

I'll be taking the Taurine in the morning.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I took the Taurine this morning- I'm feeling distinctly more slow and fatigued. Both yesterday and today I worked on the roof and yard. It's cooler today, yet I'm more tired. Looks like I'll be taking Taurine strictly in the evening from here on. I don't want to do anything- yet I force myself to. That's why I'm so hard on myself. This morning on the roof- it was time to scrape moss off time. After two hours my hand started hurting, and my pants developed a hole.

 

Chores need doing. And there are a LOT of them I always managed to 'overlook' in the last umpteen years of taking A/D. And with the number of trees and treelimbs in the yard- I've got a LOT of stuff to do.  Trees that I should've nipped in the bud a long time ago- are now overgrown and growing at an angle.

 

Mom got home- after traveling...21 hours. I imagine that she'll be resting up from her vacation for a while. I had a C/S around 2:30 in the morning- I woke up with a fast heartbeat and panting. After a few minutes- I fall back asleep. I wake up at 3:30- same time as yesterday- it takes me a bit to fall back asleep. I wake up again at 4:30- morning anxiety time.  I finally get up around 5 in the morning. and Putter around.  

 

Ennui/Lethargy is the order of the days of late. Like always- I push myself anyways. Some day- I will have a vacation in which I will feel rested after sleeping. But not today.

 

Anxiety .....depressive....angry....fatigued....sleepy....that's me.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I contacted my old CBT therapist several days ago- his phone/mail box is full, he's not returning calls nor texts. His website is still up. I cannot imagine what he's up to right now.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Just call me Grumpy. The wife has certainly enough reason to.

 

I held off the Taurine this morning. AND forgot the Happy light use.  Sheesh. Result- I'm dragging again in the morning. I also take closer note of my Amino Acid Complex I picked up a couple of days ago: it's manufactured from Dairy. Of which I have an allergy to right now. 

Joy.

 

For the last 3 nights- after falling asleep- I wake up with some restless leg. It usually takes about half an hour to go away. Yesterday- I'm ravenous. It may or may not have anything to do with working on the roof. I only manage one hour on the roof, despite it being cooler today.

Wife and I went into town for lunch- at Toshi's. This time- they're open. Wife finally got a chance to eat there.

After- we go to Jerry's, and I pick up some stuff for the roof- and an electric chainsaw. I did a bike ride at home, and strangely felt more energetic as a result. I used said energy along with my new toy tool- the chainsaw.  I tested it on the designated tree I'm going to eventually destroy with- on some limbs that would've taken me 20 minutes to saw away at- only a few seconds were required. It actually got me to giggle. That was a nice feeling.

 

Every single day- is a burden.  I hate feeling helpless. And to feel this helpless for this long is beyond humiliating. I find myself getting angry too often anymore. I know that it'd take a long while to stabilize if I went back on. But if I went back on- then there'd be the complete loss of the 10 months I've been off. Which is the second longest I've gone without Anti-D. The first being the 30 odd years before I was tricked into going on them. 

 

I'm guessing that the Taurine does in fact help me rest. But it's been so very damnably long since I've felt rested. And in the last 2 years- that has been a very rare thing. I guess it's a sign of progress- the backspace key on my keyboard isn't being utilized quite so much anymore.

 

How do I feel today?  You know that lassitude you get when you've just gotten over a cold or a flu?  Like that. Constantly. 

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I used to like rainy days. So long as I didn't have to go and work outside.  Now I feel entrapped.

 

For the last couple days- skin burn was minimal. Last night I had a bout of C/S at 1:30 in the morning. Some skin burn started, and has stayed. It's much less than the 'usual' but, it's still there. 10.5 hours in bed last night. And I finally get up- still not rested. The usual- restless leg, bad position, mouth farts, back hurts, etc.

 

Nice bit of thunder last night. No power outages thankfully. 

 

Another morning closer.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I have been fighting naps all day. I did do one at 10:30. But it was only for a few seconds. It's almost as if it's 'supposed' to be a nasty fatigue day, and I'm just fighting falling asleep. I did manage to yawn a couple of times, and then strangely felt better for about 20 minutes.

Whenever I feel better- the skin on my arms starts burning. I start to feel sleep again and the skin burn either goes away completely or dies down to an almost imperceptible level. 

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Hi RCC, I just noticed that you are having a 'sleepy' day and perfectly described my 'sleepy' day  earlier this week! I get them sometimes, I'm a chronic insomniac but get those days when all I want to do is sleep, in and out of bed for drinks  and toilet, sleeping the day away. Next day always feel groggy but the day after that feel much better. Relax and enjoy it, you obviously need it!  

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Hi RCC, I just noticed that you are having a 'sleepy' day and perfectly described my 'sleepy' day  earlier this week! I get them sometimes, I'm a chronic insomniac but get those days when all I want to do is sleep, in and out of bed for drinks  and toilet, sleeping the day away. Next day always feel groggy but the day after that feel much better. Relax and enjoy it, you obviously need it!  

 

Yeah- those are what I call: Nasty Fatigue Days. I was able to avoid going to sleep even for a nap for several hours (honestly I didn't think I'd last this long). Along about 3 hours ago, it became much easier to stay awake. Checking my list of symptoms- I'd say it's a Depressive episode. 

Of which I've been getting one every couple of weeks. 

Unfortunately- I don't have an inexhaustible supply of vacation days to use up on these. I'll see what the next day brings after tonight's sleep.

 

There's meditation for the anxiety, but what do I do for the depressive episodes?  Stay awake apparently.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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04/23/15

Aches and pains are more prevalent. Right wrist is improved, but still painful. Left shoulder is almost non-existent. Left knee pain is gone. And last night- I developed a stabbing pain in my right back just above a kidney. Gone by 8 in the morning.  But I'm sleeping all right.  Restless leg returned again after first bout of sleep. 45 minutes later- I fall back asleep. I say it's probably my Anti-D taper.

  

One Year later- I survived. Though I'm not sleeping alright. Left knee pain is an almost a constant- torn meniscus. Right wrist? Forgot I had that. Left shoulder is still a bit weak. More like left elbow nowadays.  Restless leg is every night.  

I forgot to take my Taurine last night- I remembered that at 2 in the morning. My old friend C/S reminded me rather forcefully.

 

And NO amount of sleeping in will change that. Or attempting to. My Lumosity scores are the pits right now. I did some more chainsawing of stuffs in my front yard. I could only do so much and then sat down. But that was good timing, as it started raining shortly thereafter.

 

And my car title finally showed up. 9 years late. I can't do much with it until I pay off a few other things. Perhaps it's a sign that things will improve eventually- I just have to be ....'patient' (as if I've not).  

 

I look at my spaceship models- and I have the urge to work on them. But it soon passes. Even the momentary urge is an improvement.

 

I did notice one odd thing- my Centrum 'one a day' multivitamin- has a higher dosage of B vitamins than my B complex and B Stress formula. Odd thing that.

 

The thing about surviving something truly tragic is that it changes your expectations forever. You make do with very little. You’re grateful for crumbs. You make the best of small mercies. You endure large trials. You understand that life owes you nothing. You expect nothing, and when something wonderful happens, you don’t trust it.— Katy Regnery, The Vixen and the Vet 

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Just checking in R.C.C.    Cheering you on .  You do sound just a little better, each time that you update.  :)

Hugs.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Just checking in R.C.C.    Cheering you on .  You do sound just a little better, each time that you update.  :)

Hugs.

That's because I'm attempting to hold onto what's left of my sanity.

 

Every night it seems like there is a new set of symptoms to deal with. And last nights- restless leg. I've gotten it every single night for several nights. But luckily I did manage to get some sleep, goodness knows how. Drift off- wake up, restless leg- insomnia.  Repeat.

I'm not missing any Taurine now I can tell ya.  I look at all of the supplements I'm taking right now- and thinking to myself about how I wanted to get off of the pills.  Gee that sure worked out ok.

 

I'm taking most of them because of the damned fool cortisol spikes. My taurine and magnesium use seems to ameliorate that a bit. 

I've noticed in the last month- that I usually have one nostril free at night to breathe through. "Normally' it'd switch between one nostril and the other about every hour or so. Of late it's been staying one nostril clear practically all night long.

 

I felt marginally better rested today. The sunshine helps keep me awake and occasionally- puts me in a good mood.

 

Of which I had about 5 minutes of that today.  Don't worry, it soon passed. It just came out of the blue on my way to the bathroom.

Seems to me that the Dickie Joe's hamburger place likes to put stevia into their lemonade. I can still taste it.

 

It used to be a few months ago- that my symptoms would come and stay all day long. Now- it seems to rotate often through out the day. Often through the hour. Now it's like it's running through the entire check list as often as it can. And as always- the fatigue is here.

 

Someday I will be homeostasised. When, I don't know. My birthday approaches. I know what I wish for. But I know what I'm not going to get.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Big Question. I felt happy for about five minutes or less, 3x today.

 

Now I've been taking amino acids: tryptophan, tyrosine, and theanine. One each, alone, on an empty stomach during the day the last couple of days.  Possible that causing it?

I also took some Imodium sometime today. I cannot remember if it was before or after the first bout of happy time.   Imodium it turns out- is an Opioid receptor agonist.

 

I'd hate to think that the Imodium made me feel happy. Instead of the happy state being a mini-window....

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Last night- Go to bed. Fall asleep. Wake up with restless leg. For almost TWO ******* HOURS!

Rest of night- Insomnia with some awakenings due to Cortisol Surges. 

 

I plan on sleeping in till 4 in the morning. I awaken at 3 in the morning and nothing I can do allows me to sleep. I finally get up around a few minutes prior to 4. And I'm a Grumpy Bear- again.  And of course this all happens on the night before a return to work. 

The first day back from a 'vacation' even this thing I was on, was enough to make me despair. 

 

I know I know. I have to be ....patient.

 

Words fail me in my frustration.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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I had a mini window again today. Before my bike ride and for a bit after.  It may be due to the Aminos I've been taking alone during the day, I don't know. I was  a passenger in a car that nearly had an accident- nice little adrenaline surge. Hopefully it won't reflect too much tonight. Wait and see.

Sounds like the new boss (who won't be here till June), isn't a young dude out to make a name for himself. He's 60, and is moving down here to help his wife who has S.A.D. (They're from Alaska), so maybe he'll understand my motivation for getting off the pills. 

 

Another day closer.  I felt well enough to do some work on one of my spaceship models that's been gathering dust for far too long.  We shall see what we shall see. I don't want to be in recovery for 2 years. I want to be free the sooner the better. But I have to accept that it'll take how ever long it takes.

I'm trying amino acids- they may not do any good, but they may. I dunno. Because this stuff is despairing. According to the Docs, 2 to 4 weeks getting off, some bad times, and 'voila'! You're back to normal.  I'm still in shock upon discovering just how long it could take. It could be another 6 months, it could be a lot longer.  I just have to learn to cope.

 

I will heal. But I cannot guarantee that my actions around a Pharma Rep would remain civilized. 

 

I will heal, or I will die. The wife gets the life insurance- hopefully she'll do a better job.

 

True I'm not where I'd prefer to be- but I have to admit that there's been progress- not as much as I'd prefer of course, but there has been improvement. Now a times I just contemplate the times I had it easy, and all of the times I didn't appreciate it.

 

Benzos were comparatively easy. Benzo buddies- you can claim success if you can stay off Benzos for two months.   What a laugh.

 

Last night I had knee pains. But the weird thing? My left knee is the one I tore the ligament in months ago. Yet I've been feeling similar pains in the right knee. Yet it's my left knee that pops most of late. Additionally I've also been getting cold on one side- right arm usually. Go figure. Last night's restless leg- On a count of 15, I'd feel the surge of energy to move leg- but just the left. Middle of the night- I had a temp bout of right leg only.

Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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Some good news- last night NO restless leg after going to bed. Which was nice, and after three hours I wake up with- a Good Feeling. It just came out of the blue/black/whatever. I enjoyed it for a few seconds, and then went back to sleep. Even though i knew it'd be gone when I awoke again. And it was. 

Today- this morning- I'm cranky. I SOOOO wanted that good feeling again. I want it NOW. But it won't. So yeah, it's what I want, and I whine about not getting any, yet when I do get them- I don't trust them because I know they'll be temporary.  

I'm thinking that the aminos I've been taking may have something to do with it. But the last few days- I get an occasional mini window. I don't know if they're connected or not. But at times I just don't give a damn. Times like right now. 

Talking with the wife yesterday- apparently I overlooked yet another medication that i'd been taking. Flexeril. Muscle relaxant- technically NOT a Benzo, but it is a Serotonin Receptor Antagonist.  I've not taken any in a very long time. But none the less- there it was. 

 

Willy Nilly Indeed.

 

Skin Burn comes and goes. Some days it's not there. Some times it's just the right arm. Right now it's both arms.

 

When will this **** end.

1)Zoloft- 6/99 to 8/04 2)Escitalopram- 8/04 to 8/10 3)Citalopram 8/10 to 4/14 (C/T), 4)Paxil a week or so, 5)Wellbutrin a week or so, 6)Reinstated Citalopram- 9/14 to 7/15

Before Taper- Celexa/20 mg....Taper Start- 04/21/15- 15mg....05/26/15- 10 mg...06/22/15- 5 mg...07/18/15- 0mg. http://tinyurl.com/qjfoqe9 Ativan/Lorazepam use/taper 10/14 to 2/15- http://tinyurl.com/ljebp84

Baclofen- Intermittent use of from 2008 till 2014. Some use of Promethazine. Some use of Zofran. Clobetasol Propionate- for Lichen Planus. Some Flexeril use. 

Ativan- GABA,A receptor Agonist., Baclofen- GABA,B receptor Agonist., Celexa/Lexapro- Serotonin 5-HT1A Receptor Agonist., Zofran- Serotonin 5-HT3 Receptor Agonist..Promethazine- Histamine H1-Receptor Antagonist. Flexeril- Serotonin 5HT2a Antagonist.

 

My self imposed Amino Acid Therapy: Tyrosine 500mg 1xday, Theanine 200 mg 1xday, & Taurine 500 mg 2x day. (All neurotransitter pre-cursors)- seems to have helped me immensely. And of course- eating healthy, including Black Beans for the oligosaccharides for gut health.

 

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of trick learned while mastering the Art of Living. - Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning.

 

 

 

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