success ☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Cat, 

 

Sorry you are not having a good day If you do not feel comfortable increasing can you give it a few days and see if it will pass?  It sounded like you had a few pretty good days before this one, so maybe it is just a wave? 

 

Thinking of you 

 

B

[Happy2Heal]

Hi Cat, 

 

Sorry you are not having a good day If you do not feel comfortable increasing can you give it a few days and see if it will pass?  It sounded like you had a few pretty good days before this one, so maybe it is just a wave? 

 

Thinking of you 

 

B

 

 

thanks so much Blondie

yeh yesterday was not  a good day but I only made it worse, by wanting it to be different.

I got it in my head that I was "due" to get some sleep, so instead of just accepting that I was in a wave and dealing with it, I made myself upset by frantically trying to find a way to get some sleep.

Now I understand more why acceptance is important.

 

I had a terrible vise grip like headache all night long, but in spite of that I was able to sleep for about four hours, waking up at 2:30am

From 2:30 til now, I spent that time in a conversation with my brain, telling it how proud I was of it for doing all this work to heal, and I tried to imagine what was going on in there. Little elevators and construction crews LOL things like that (this is from reading what is going on in your brain as you taper, another thread on this forum (I may have linked to in a previous post, I don't recall)

 

yes yesterday was a wave. that's all, just a wave.

it hits hard after a good window, but this is the pattern.

 

I now also understand that it is ok to read other ppls progress and stories to get encouragement and hope, but not to expect that my own pattern will be the same.

I need to not have any expectations beyond that I will eventually heal, and getting there will not be predictable but it will be bearable.

 

these are hard things to learn.

I feel that they may serve me well in life in general but for now, it's just hard. :/

 

for all of us.

I have so much empathy for everyone here.

 

how have you been going, B? I hope that you see some good windows and often!!

 

thanks for stopping by, I appreciate you keeping in touch, it helps a lot.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I have decided to not go up any further in my dose and hold at 0.15 in the am and 0.2 in the pm

 

I will wait til after the first of the year to begin tapering from there. I plan a 40 week minimum taper from 0.35 per day, tapering 10% every 4 weeks.

 

Assuming all goes well. ;-)  If I have to hold at some dose, I will.

if I do not stabilize at this dose, I will re visit this decision.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

additional minor symptoms, leg/foot  spasms, muscles twitching and jerking. some DP/DR

[Frogie]

Hi girl:

I hope you're having a better day today.

Sounds like you made the right choice to stabilize yourself on this dosage before changing again.

I wish you could get some sleep, you need it so bad.

I so wish it was Tuesday so I could see the dr. But it will come soon enough.

Take care,

Frogie xx

[Frogie]

You know I'm not an expert by any means.

I mess myself up.

I think you should do what's right for you and how your body feels.

I hope you can get some sleep, you are exhausted.

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Happy2Heal]

thanks Frogie,

well today I don't feel exhausted, which is very odd since I slept a grand total of 20 mins last night.

I don't know what to think about this. Most of my WD symptoms have improved greatly, I am mostly able to stay calm with just some flare ups of anxiety that I quell quickly with my meditation CDs, positive self talk and classical music, or activity for distraction.

 

My stomach issues are gone. the head ache is gone. DP/DR don't happen much.

My body temperature is not swinging wildly from too hot and sweating to too cold.

 

I am able to read a bit without getting triggered, I still avoid any upsetting topics of course.

I am able to tolerate darkness and silence from time to time, SO, I went to bed at a good hour, going thru my relaxing bedtime routine. I did stay on the computer later than I'd planned, didn't shut down til around 10pm.

 

I went to bed at about the time I was falling asleep in front of the tv but I just had the radio on (classical music) I didn't fall asleep and was bored, so I read some light magazines for a few hours, hoping to get sleepy.

Never did.

turned the lights out, thinking my body was just not sending me the sleep signals but would go to sleep if I was just still and in the dark.

nope.

I was awake, and mostly wide awake, all night, except for about 20 mins  I guess, I had looked at the alarm clock because my cat was meowing at me and I had to make sure it was not her breakfast time (it wasn't even close LOL)
it was 3:45 ish and I turned over and apparently drifted off, only to have the cat start licking my hand. That brief nap must have been a power nap because I had no idea how long I'd been out, but when I looked at the clock expecting it to be hours later, it was just after 4 am LOL

 

so, here I am, I spent most of the night just laying down, mostly relaxed, read some, listened to meditations and music.

I am well rested, but have not slept

 

I'm not upset that I didn't sleep but I am confused and a little concerned about what this might mean regarding my RI

it has now been 25 days since reinstating a tiny dose and 5 days since up dosing that.

 

should I be concerned that I can't sleep? nearly everything else is improved or improving, so as I said, I'm not upset about it like I was a few days ago, when I felt bone weary tired.

 

I still dont have much of an appetite but I do eat, several small meals every day, when before it was hard to eat anything at all.

 

I wonder if I need to add some exercise to my day? I did more housework than I normally do yesterday - but I paced myself so I def dont believe i over did it, and it didn't feel like exercise

 

Maybe I'll go to the gym today and do the treadmill for a bit. which reminds me, new symptom- agoraphobia LOL I don't want to go out, but I know I will have to sooner or later LOL

 

the only reason I get concerned about the lack of sleep is that I've read (and believe) that more healing takes place when you are asleep.

that makes me thing my WD will last longer if I don't get some real sleep vs just resting.

 

any thoughts on this?

[Frogie]

Hi:

Wow 20 min is not enough for your cat to sleep. You've got to get some rest somehow. That is how your body repairs itself.

 

I know my room has to be dark and quiet for me to sleep. But it used to be I had to have the tv on.

 

They say if you can't go to sleep, to get out of bed and go sit somewhere and read, to never do it in bed.

 

At least your body isn't doing wacky things right now. Except the sleep thing.

 

They do say to exercise 20 min a day, very easy. Take a walk. That's something I need to do.

 

I know nothing about meds (I'm having problems, but that's another story). But maybe you need to reinstate the amount Alto said to do. Maybe you are stuck between a dosage that is helping you mentally but not physically.

 

Take a warm bubble bath before bed. Maybe that will relax you. Maybe the computer stimulates you too much. Shut it off an hour before you go to bed. These are all just ideas, I don't know if they will help or not. Can't hurt to try though.

 

I don't want to go anywhere either. But my fiancé made me get out yesterday. We went to the store to get the rest of the thanksgiving stuff. I practically ran through the store, so I could go home. So I know how you feel in that aspect.

 

I don't know what else to try. But try those few things, maybe you will stumble onto one that works.

 

Let me know.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Happy2Heal]

Quote

 

I hope this doesn't sound too stupid. So, when you request the liquid from the doctor, you need to request a certain milligram? I wasn't even thinking about that part. I was last on 30 mg. before Cold Turkey. God help me. I assume I would need to request the lowest mg. available? Possibly 2.5? Mine would be ecitalopram. My family doctor wasn't too happy with the request. He told my husband the liquid doesn't even exist and he doesn't believe in withdrawal. My husband thinks he will prescribe it, but I don't know what to do anyway. I wish you all the best of everything. You were kind enough to give me some encouragement.

This reinstatement issue sounds so complex. You are a strong person to be dealing with this. God bless you.

 

 

hi hon,

no you don't sound stupid at all.  It is very hard to think clearly when you are sick and not doing well.

 

 

my lexapro is generic, which is called ecitalopram. It does come in a liquid, and the liquid comes in a concentration of 5mgs per 5 mLs

which just means that every 1 mL (same as a cc if you are more familiar with those) is equal to 1mg of lexapro

 

If you were taking 2.5mgs, you would draw up 2/5mLs in the syringe, pretty easy to do. 😉

I can advise you on where to reinstate if you decide to do that. Everyone's story is different.

I chose to stay at 2.5mgs for a long time, but scewed up and stopped taking it for over 5 mos, then crashed and still did not want to go back on (I was worried it might make things worse)

 

but I finally decided to try a tiny amnt.

 

You went cold turkey off of 30mgs, that's a big difference. How much you reinstate, if you decide to do that, is going to be different too.

 

the mods can advise you better than I can about that.

It was suggested to me that I go back on 1mg, but that was based on MY personal history (how much I was taking when I stopped, etc) I started lower and have gone up some, and I am going to hold where i am now since the only big issue I"m having is no sleep,but I rest, so that's almost as good. And who knows, Maybe I do sleep, I was just reading that ppl will think they were wide awake but an EEG shows they slept....

 

but anyway, back to your situation:

 

unfortunately, just being a fellow traveler on this journey, I can't give you advise, just my sympathy and empathy and support.  I have no idea what would be the best thing for you to do. I dont think anyone here really does, You are going to have to weigh all the opinions and make your own decision.

 

the only thing I can suggest is that whatever you decide to do, go slow and keep records and resist the impulse to make changes too quickly (wait at least 5 days to see if there is any improvement, for instance, if you decide to reinstate)

 

I am definitely more "pro" reinstating now that I've tried it and it's gone well for me. So I am biased now

 

have you had any kind of improvement at all? I am so sorry you are going thru this, it's just awful I know

 

I would ask a mod or two for their opinion

 

 

 

 

I did not use the liquid for a long time, when I was taking 2.5mgs-  First I used 20mgs tablets cut into 8ths

then I started mixing my own liquid and taking it that way.

Eventually I got my PCP to give me an Rx for the liquid, very reluctantly.

 

 

sorry this is a bit scattered, I am just now feeling sleepy LOL after not feeling sleepy all night, go figure

 

all the best to you, wishing you peace and healing, and soon

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Happy2Heal]

Frogie, yeh I've done most of those things except the exercise, will try that today perhaps, its a windy rainy day so not exactly excited to walk to the gym lol

[Frogie]

It could be the weather change too.

Maybe stay in today since it's windy and rainy and do a puzzle or something.

Take care,

Frogie xx

[PatriciaVP]

"A thought popped into my mind today during yoga class, it went something like this: "everything you need, you have within you""

 

Can I steal this? Love it!

[Happy2Heal]

"A thought popped into my mind today during yoga class, it went something like this: "everything you need, you have within you""

 

Can I steal this? Love it!

 

sure thing.

I know it's true but some days I struggle with it.

 

some days I want something outside of me to come along and "fix" things. But I know it doesn't work that way.

 

still............. LOL

it's ok to wish for it, so long as I know I've got to put the big girls pants on and get on with it myself LOL

[Happy2Heal]

"A thought popped into my mind today during yoga class, it went something like this: "everything you need, you have within you""

 

Can I steal this? Love it!

 

answered this already but after the day I had yesterday I have to add that to get thru this, support from others is -for me at least- also vital.

thanks to Frogie for spending a total of over 4 hrs with me on the phone yesterday, holding my hand so to speak, to get me thru a rough day after zero sleep the night before.

 

I was exhausted, scared and alone, and esp scared of being alone. This, I know, goes back to earlier traumas in my life that i don't want to discuss here.

 

having Frogie to talk to was a huge help.

I have reached out to friends, trying to find someone who would just sleep over my house for one night, or let me sleep over at their place.

It's hard because it's an odd request and also because ppl are so busy, esp this time of year. I don't want to impose on anyone but I know it would help me so much

 

 

anyway, while talking to Frogie, my whole body started to shake uncontrollably, probably from exhaustion as well as WD so I hung up and got under the comforter on the sofa and FELL ASLEEP! thank the gods or whomever

 

the tv was on fairly loud, for reasons i won't go into,that helps me

I slept off and on all night. I only got up twice to go to the bathroom and I purposely did NOT look at any clocks, I didn't want add to my anxiety from seeing how much time had passed.

 

I have been up for awhile now, the morning anxiety and all but I am feeling a lot stronger than yesterday

 

I see that I am in a pattern of really rough waves, with a day with a window of a sorts that is such a relief compared to the rough days prior, that I get almost manic/euphoric and think that WD is all over now, I'm done/cured.

 

so the next wave hits me harder. I am trying to practice more acceptance but boy is it hard. This is all so very  hard.

 

I am extremely grateful to have the support of this forum and for Frogie's support and friendship, from across the country.

 

I updosed a TINY bit to 0.2mgs in the AM and now a couple of hours later I have nausea and diarrhea and a headache but those do not bother me at all, in fact I welcome them because the more feelings I have in my body, even bad ones, the less I am bothered by being alone and by the terror/dread that comes off and on now in waves.

 

 

thank you all, you can tell when I am thanking ppl that means that things are rough again and I am appreciating just getting thru this

 

damn, this whole trip just sucks so much, eh?

 

 

[AliG]

Cat. Yes it can be tiresome but please don't get into the habit of updosing when the terrain gets rough. It is better to weather the storm and to fall back on your non- drug coping tools. They will get you through this , not drugs.

 

I know you're doing this already - it's just a reminder.   

Ali

[PatriciaVP]

Cat, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time! Last few days have been pretty rough for me too. Just started my period so that may explain some of it.

 

I know what you mean about the physical pain being a welcome respite. I feel extremely nauseous now, but it is actually a huge relief after these past several days of intense emotional symptoms.

 

It will continue to get better for both of us. I have to believe that. Our recovery is close at hand. Just hang in there.

 

Peace, love and healing.

[Blondiee1915]

Cat - I am so sorry you are having such a rough time.  It is admirable that instead of giving up you are staying strong and calmly handle the situation even when accepting is difficult.  You are doing everything you should be doing and in the end you did get through that day.  In fact you fell asleep and got some rest which is very good news.  The physical symptoms of increasing the dose should go away.  Are you eating at all?  Drinking enough fluids?  

 

I also wanted to comment on the feeling and fear of being alone.  I remember going to therapy and I was told that the most common anxiety fears are: fear of going crazy, fear of dying, and fear of being alone.  I understand that each situation is different but from my experience fear of being alone is always present.  I did not have it pre anxiety or pre med..  I developed it sometime later.  I have little family and a few friends and was always on my own getting things done which was okay and I never minded it.  But after anxiety my racing thoughts went crazy even on the med I always thought if something happens what will I do all by myself?  It is a strange and often present feeling and I do believe anxiety has alot to do with it. 

 

I hope you are feeling better today and got some more rest 

 

B.

[Blondiee1915]

Did you ever try listening to meditation/affirmations by Deepak Chopra?  

 

[Happy2Heal]

thanks so much for your kind words and suggestions Blondie.
I have listened to Deepak Chopra but for personal reasons that's not a good option for me right now

I am doing well with the CDs by Roberta Shapiro that I have, though   The more I  listen to them, the better they seem to work it seems. I may look into getting another one of her CDs, I like her voice and I like the background music. a lot of relaxation/meditation CDs have music that jars my nerves so I am careful what I choose.

IN fact I am super careful about everything right now LOL

 

I am eating small meals, I found out what foods contain melatonin and I"m going to add more of those foods to my diet- I was already craving some of them, go figure!! Oranges, walnuts, oats, corn, almonds, raspberries, bananas, pineapple are all good food sources for melatonin. So are goji berries but they are expensive. I don't know if I'd like them so I'm not going to try them. If they were cheap I might though lol

 

 

 

symptoms have decreased some more, waves are not as rough.

 

I'm holding on and riding this out, waves come and go but I just try to look at them for what they are......and let them go.

[Happy2Heal]

Cat, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time! Last few days have been pretty rough for me too. Just started my period so that may explain some of it.

 

I know what you mean about the physical pain being a welcome respite. I feel extremely nauseous now, but it is actually a huge relief after these past several days of intense emotional symptoms.

 

It will continue to get better for both of us. I have to believe that. Our recovery is close at hand. Just hang in there.

 

Peace, love and healing.

 

thanks so much Patricia, yes recovery is close at hand, I believe that. I tell myself that every day!

I tell myself, just hold on a little bit longer, you are getting through it, don't give up!

 

I hope you are feeling better today. I am glad I don't have to deal with that "monthly friend" any more, hormones added to the mix surely do not help!

[Happy2Heal]

Cat. Yes it can be tiresome but please don't get into the habit of updosing when the terrain gets rough. It is better to weather the storm and to fall back on your non- drug coping tools. They will get you through this , not drugs.

 

I know you're doing this already - it's just a reminder. 

Ali

 

 

Oh gee, you know what Ali? I was kicking myself yesterday after reading your post and realizing that I had gotten thru the night, I had slept, so things had actually improved-- doh!

and what did I do? I Updosed!

 

that made no sense whatsoever, eh?!? LOL

 

 

BUT I figured it wasn't too late to keep the dose the same, since I take two doses per day, I decided I'd just take the 0.15 at night, and keep the 0.2 for the morning.

So yesterday's doses were just switched around, not updosed.

 

I slept ok last night, woke up at four but I had a very relaxing stress free day yesterday so I wasn't even that tired, and feel like i got plenty of sleep for the kind of day I'd had.

In fact I need to try to slowly increase my daily activity or I will end up having sleep issues from lack of exercise.

 

I thank you all for your support help and advice etc

and a special thank you to my phone buddy Frogie. You are such a kind and giving person and I appreciate you spending so much time helping me out. I hope it helps you a bit too, in some way.

[scallywag]

About getting melatonin from food, tart cherries and their juice are reputed to be excellent sources.

[Frogie]

I would love to thank you for yesterday. You got me through a really dark and gloomy place.

I wouldn't know what to do without being able to talk to you too.

I really have made a good friend.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Cat, 

 

Just stopping by to see how you are feeling 

[Happy2Heal]

Hi Cat, 

 

Just stopping by to see how you are feeling 

yesterday was a very "wavy" day- let's call it "groovy" lol

some DP/Dr increased anxiety and anhedonia, plus being back on lexapro, even this tiny dose, I have lost my feelings again, no emotions.

I had to say goodbye to one of my rats last night and while I knew I was sad, I didn't *feel* the sadness.

 

I am finding that if I eat more, even if I eat things that I thought would cause me problems, I am able to sleep a bit better.

It also seems like sleep seems to lead to lessening of the waves and a window here and there.

 

So I am working on that for now.

I have a cat with a cold and my remaining 6 pet rats are grieving the loss of their long time cagemate, so I will be spending the day giving all of them as much extra attention as I can, plus cleaning the cage and whatnot

 

hope things are continuing to go well for you B!

[Happy2Heal]

how do you keep yourself from getting anxious about the next wave when you are in a window?

On the 19th I think it was, I had a window, good day, some symptoms but not too bad, then I could not sleep at all that night and was shocked and dismayed about that

 

the next couple of days were rough

today started out pretty darn well and has only gotten better as the day went on. Some mild symptoms but nothing I couldn't manage.
I even noticed that my temperature fluctuations have greatly diminished, my body seems to be staying much closer to a temp that matches the room/air temp, not too hot, not too cold.

 

I did a lot of work on recovery today, my therapist asked me to try to identify my thoughts when the anxiety or panic hit. I swore I had no thoughts, I was just too scared to think

Turns out, I was wrong (as I often am LOL) I have a lot of thoughts, so I jotted down as many as came to me and now I've got a couple of pages of them LOL

i will be working to challenge the faulty thinking in some of those thoughts, and to have compassion for myself for some of the other thoughts, which are quite harsh and critical of myself.

 

I hope to be able to identify them quickly when another anxiety attack hits, so I can talk myself down before it goes from simple anxiety to panic

 

I am going to have to learn to practice floating too, something I"m not esp good at.

 

this entire experience has been a ton of work so far, and I expect it will continue to be a lot of work but I am glad that I am learning a lot about myself, about controlling and moderating my emotions, and all sorts of other things I wont' go into now as I need to calm myself as night is here  ;- )

 

plus my cat has a cold and wants my attention <3

[scallywag]

Mindfulness is a useful tool. When you notice yourself anxious about the future, bring yourself back to the present moment:

What can you see, hear, smell, feel (physically sense) right now?

What's happening with your breathing right now?

etc.

[Happy2Heal]

Mindfulness is a useful tool. When you notice yourself anxious about the future, bring yourself back to the present moment:

What can you see, hear, smell, feel (physically sense) right now?

What's happening with your breathing right now?

etc.

 

(Day 29 since RI, day 8? since updosing slightly)

 

 

ah yes, mindfulness. I am working on that too.  ;-)

 

some of my WD symptoms include difficulty with my senses- sometimes my hearing is very sensitive, other times it seems like I've gone nearly deaf, but usually only in one ear, go figure.

the ringing in my ears is greatly reduced but happens from time to time, at a much lower level, thank goodness!

 

my sense of smell is the most reduced right now, but once in awhile I will be able to smell something. I think this may be impacting my appetite, I can't smell anything.

I put out the cats' food which is canned food, as most ppl know, it's quite smelly but I can not smell it.

 

my vision is affected as well, mostly its very blurry with lots of floaters but I've also had ghosting and hallucinations and other times when everything seemed hazy and gray. No colors. That happens a lot and is the most distressing to me.

 

I have long periods of DP and DR and I don't much care for those others but I slog thru them.

 

the long hours of listening to meditation CDs are paying off, I am usually able to monitor my breathing and can bring it under control a lot more often than when this all started.

Of course since reinstating a lot of the symptoms have decreased, so doing that is a bit easier now that things are calming down.  :/ lol

The real test will come when I get another bad wave.

I continue to practice and listen to the CDs daily to keep in "shape"

 

aerobic exercise was suggested by my therapist but since that is what contributed to this last bad wave, I am putting that off for now. I do find I have a better day  if I am able to get out and walk for a bit, though, but I do not walk fast. I find anything that raises my heart rate quickly brings on a wave of more intense symptoms.

 

I'll continue with the yoga class, it's "chair yoga" and has some meditation/mindfulness at the end, plus I've made friends with the instructor so that makes it even more pleasant.

there's a 90 min mindfulness/meditation class at the sr center next month that I plan to attend as well. Different instructor, I think she's gauging interest before she offers a class.

 

getting thru it, bit by bit. ;-)

 

oh I forgot to mention, the biggest symptom continues to be insomnia.

 

I am able to sleep for possibly as much as 2 hrs? before waking up. I am not sure, as I've decided it's too anxiety provoking to keep looking at the clock to see what time it is and try to figure out how long I slept.

While I'm trying to accept that I will not sleep well, it is still hard to see the hours drag on thru the night.

 

I mostly seem to sleep or doze off in 20 min "sets" that seem to keep time with the refrigerator compressor LOL I find that sound very soothing, when it shuts off and everything gets silent, I wake up or have a surge of adrenalin (sp?) or cortisol or something.  Sometimes I find myself suddenly holding my breath, which is odd. LOL

 

I try to stay detached from these things and just observe them and remind myself that it's my brain, working to heal itself.

I am practicing sending loving kindness and gratitude to my brain for all the work it is doing to make me well again.

I have treated it quite poorly in the past and at times during the process, I felt like I was getting some much deserved punishment for that, but now i know that's just the anxious thoughts and that my brain is only reacting to the reduction/gradual elimination of a chemical that made changes in it, that it now needs to correct

 

it's nothing personal LOL my brain is not out to get me, and as I am a very forgiving person, it's not in my character to want to get revenge, so I think it's safe to say that my brain is "of the same mind".

 

I know how funny it sounds to talk of my brain and my mind separately but it is helping me to cope with these changes and stay a bit more grounded and stuff.

 

~~~~~~~ just to keep a record, another symptom I have is that my chest hurts, near my heart, about 3 to 4 hrs after each dose of lexapro. It doesn't last long, but when first reinstating, it lasted longer and didnt' seem to follow a regular pattern- but then my RI has not been totally smooth either

 

other symptoms come up from time to time but are not bothersome.

 

I kind of wish I'd kept a record of all the symptoms I had from May to er, August or so, I kept saying, or at least, thinking to myself, that they were all manage-able, but now I wish I'd taken them more seriously (I'd jumped off at 2.5mgs in May)

 

I still have some body temp issues but that's greatly reduced.

That has been one my main symptoms right from the start back in June 2105

 

also the insomnia and, as I now recall it, some trouble with the hours that I was sleeping over the summer. I did at least sleep more, although it never felt like restful sleep. I would fall asleep at a certain time each day- My hours were not at all normal, I was falling asleep at like 3 am at first, and never before that, then every few days the time that I fell asleep got later and later, so that for weeks I was sleeping only in the day time.

 

I would have to tell ppl not to contact me in the morning because those were the only hours I could sleep and I really needed that little bit of sleep (generally about 4 broken hours, if my memory serves me)

 

eventually I pushed it back, so that I would fall asleep at 7 pm and for awhile it stayed like that, I'd be unable to stay awake past 7 pm but would be wide awake by midnight and spend the rest of the night fighting the sweats and chills,trying to get a few more hours or even minutes.

 

Now my routine is that I take my meds at 7:30 and then start my wind down period. I will lay down around 10 and then just see what happens.

If I sleep, great. If i dont, I might read for a bit and try again.

I do have the Tv on, this is important to me as waking up to silence is a major trigger for my PTSD. (and if not the tv, a CD or the radio)

[AliG]

Hi Cat. I love this.

 

I try to stay detached from these things and just observe them and remind myself that it's my brain, working to heal itself.

I am practicing sending loving kindness and gratitude to my brain for all the work it is doing to make me well again.

I have treated it quite poorly in the past and at times during the process, I felt like I was getting some much deserved punishment for that, but now i know that's just the anxious thoughts and that my brain is only reacting to the reduction/gradual elimination of a chemical that made changes in it, that it now needs to correct

 

it's nothing personal LOL my brain is not out to get me, and as I am a very forgiving person, it's not in my character to want to get revenge, so I think it's safe to say that my brain is "of the same mind".

 

I know how funny it sounds to talk of my brain and my mind separately but it is helping me to cope with these changes and stay a bit more grounded and stuff.

 

I say whatever works but that is very similar to my self- talk during this process. I think it works well. Attitude is the key.

 

Insomnia was by far my worst symptom too. I never really slept for 2 years.Sometimes a short 1 hour nap in the day  Now I sleep 6  nights a week , uninterrupted for a very long time ( drug & supplement free ). I still have an " off " night once a week , but I don't care.   

It's so much better. I know eventually it will be 7nights.

[Happy2Heal]

 

I say whatever works but that is very similar to my self- talk during this process. I think it works well. Attitude is the key.

 

Yes, AliG,  attitude does make a big difference. I find myself being a bit afraid to be "too" positive because this last big wave really rocked me to my core, and I lost a lot of my confidence and my previous positive outlook, which I now see was a bit unrealistic

 

I am now cautiously optimistic LOL

 

I have a bit of superstition going on, and wishful thinking- but I am going to ignore those things and go ahead with my "progress report"-

at the risk of jinxing things (LOL sorry I can't seem to help it):

 

the past couple of days, things have steadily improved each day.

Each day has been better than the one before, and each day starts out a bit rough but gets better as it goes along

 

Today, I have been up for awhile (and awake for a long time, since probably 3 or 4 am but I stay in bed and try to see if I'll drift off to sleep) and so far, I've had only a few twinges of anxiety and that's about it.

 

My vision also seems pretty decent right now, that's great because I plan to sew today

 

I was able to play with my pets yesterday and get some enjoyment out of it.

 

I am now 30 days from reinstatement and about 10 days since the tiny updose.

 

I am going to hold til after Jan 1st and then, depending on how things are going at that time, I will resume a slow taper. Scallywag's spreadsheet has been a great help in calculating the doses and timing but I will be flexible and slow down if I need to.

 

I do wish that I could sleep more, but I know that will come in time.

 

yesterday I had the courage to read thru my own thread from the beginning and was shocked to see how badly I was doing a year ago. And I got thru it!

So no matter how bad things may get in the future, I know I will get thru it!

 

I am so grateful for all the support I've gotten here.

 

So, to anyone reading this thread who is worried that this will last forever, it WON'T

try not to think about it taking 8 mos or 18 mos or whatever, because you only have to get thru one day at a time

That's all.

I know that can sound trite and when you are just starting, you're like OMG this is going to take so long and be just awful, I don't know how I'll make it

BUT

even when there are bad times, at least for me, there have always been windows - perhaps not totally "clear" ones, but breaks when things were not that bad.

and some times scattered about that were really GOOD!

 

it does get better.

 

when the mods suggest links for you to read, don't do what I did, and think, oh that stuff would never help me

or it's too much to read, or that's too much work, or whatever

 

NO, those things DO help and while they can be a lot of work, nothing worthwhile is done without effort

 

and the effort you are putting in, is for your own health and healing and well being, so it's most definitely worth it

 

give those things a try, the meditation, CBT, mindfulness and the like. It does help immensely

 

I got physical calmness from meditation, but it was not until I recognized and challenged the actual thoughts that I was having that led to my anxiety escalating, that I was able to put the brakes on an anxiety attack zooming up to utter panic

 

Your mind/brain are amazing in the things that they can do. We have a lot of power that we don't even know we have, I now believe.

 

Even when your brain is repairing the damage done by chemicals, we can use the strength of our thoughts and the healthy habits that we learn, to help it along and to make this healing time more bearable

I know this sounds a bit preachy but I am writing this for my benefit, as well as anyone else's

 

it's a reminder to me of what I am learning.

they say you need to practice a new skill at least three times for it to stick, so just think of this as me practicing my new skills!

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Cat, 

 

Great post.  Specially since I am having a not so good day today.  Encouraging and hopeful.  Happy you are doing better, you are giving me hope 

 

B. 

[Happy2Heal]

Hi Cat, 

 

Great post.  Specially since I am having a not so good day today.  Encouraging and hopeful.  Happy you are doing better, you are giving me hope 

 

B. 

 

thanks for stopping by B,

 

so far, things continue to get better each day, and each day starts out on one level, usually my lowest/most symptomatic level, and usually gets better as the day goes on.

 

this is very encouraging.

 

I do have to mention that, because I was having such trouble remembering to stay with the 0.15 for one dose and 0.2 for the other, I did drop down to 0.15 for each dose

I did this very slowly, just putting a tiny bit less in the syringe each time over the past ~4 days. I am ever watchful for this tiny reduction to bring on more symptoms

 

 

my main symptoms now are so mild I feel silly even mentioning them.  I sometimes still get too cold or shiver, and I sometimes get too hot, but it seems I'm more likely to feel cold now.

No more night sweats, what a relief that is!

I have a tiny bit of nausea, usually after eating and right around 4hrs after taking my divided doses of lexapro (so around 11-12, twice a day)

 

I decided instead of laying down at a set hour, I would  at least wait til I felt a LITTLE sleepy before going to bed. I was still feeling fairly wide awake and not really ready to sleep, but could feel some fatigue, if not sleepiness,  when I laid down around 11:30 or so.......

 

and I slept!! I even dreamed!! when I woke up, there was an info-mercial on about vaccuums and I was afraid to look at the time, assuming I had many more hours til the sun came up, only to discover that it was almost 6 am!

wow!

I know I woke up a few times but easily got back to sleep, I think (It is still hard to determine if I'm awake or asleep and maybe dreaming)

 

so, this is what is gone or greatly reduced for symptoms:

anxiety, panic, dread, intrusive thoughts

great inner turmoil and unsteadiness

loss of confidence

vomiting, diarrhea

DP/DR

sound distortion, too loud or too soft

wild fluctuations in body temp

difficulty tolerating silence or being alone

pain near my heart at the same time twice a day (still have only very mild)

cortisol spikes (only small ones that are brief and don't bother me much)

heart pounding, chest tightness, overall muscle tension

aggitation

paranoia, feelings of impending doom or catastrophe (need to fight the *thoughts* that can lead to this!!)

tunnel vision

trouble reading and comprehending, trouble communicating

agoraphobia (which I now see as being related to the tunnel vision and DP/DR mainly)

difficulty with sense of smell (this one is still coming and going, sometimes I can not smell anything at all)

vision issues, floaters, blurry vision, things look glassy/plastic or gray, no color, no depth

ringing in my ears that can get very loud

no appetite

I am sure there were other symptoms but I'm drawing a blank- OH!! brain fog LOL

that still comes and goes

 

 

Current symptoms:

insomnia, which seems to be slowly improving

early morning waking

some temp issues

some issues with sense of smell, hearing, vision, taste- but appetite is improving

some mild nausea

an occasional (1-2X/day) tingling sensation down my left thigh that I actually look forward to, it just feels kinda nice, I know, weird LOL

 

so, yes it does get better!

I am trying to polish up my skills so that I am prepared for the next wave, I think some time today I will make myself little sticky notes about

"riding the waves" 

"floating" 

"watching the cloud pass by and accepting it, not trying to change it"

 

things like that, you know?

[Happy2Heal]

Question for mods or others with good medical research skills/knowledge

 

I take verapamil for hypertension (half the dose that was Rxed) and I take celebrex (200mgs) for osteoarthritis

 

I have long wanted to decrease the dose of celebrex but don't know if it will interfere w/ WD

 

does anyone know?

 

 

My current RX for 200 mgs is going to expire soon, and I want to ask my Dr to RX a lower dose (100mgs)

 

Does anyone know if celebrex has any CNS effects or could in any way mess up my WD by changing the dose?
 

thanks in advance (I did a google search and the only thing that came up was my thread ROFL)

[Junglechicken]

Hi Cat,

 

Just calling in to say hi, and I've caught up on the last 2 weeks of your posts.

 

You are doing really well you know?

 

Its really great that you are viewing WD as a learning experience as you navigate through each wave.

 

I'm cheering you on every step of the way 

 

Take care,

JC x

[Happy2Heal]

Hi Cat,

 

Just calling in to say hi, and I've caught up on the last 2 weeks of your posts.

 

You are doing really well you know?

 

Its really great that you are viewing WD as a learning experience as you navigate through each wave.

 

I'm cheering you on every step of the way 

 

Take care,

JC x

 

 

hi JC sorry things dont' seem to be going esp well for you right now

It'll get better though

 

Yeh I am frankly amazed at the difference between where I was last weekend (afraid to be alone) and now, the difference is like night and day

I pray that more ppl on here, including you of course can have days like this soon.

 

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that when another wave hits me, I'll be back to being a complaining PITA or praying a lot and wishing it would end, but I will TRY to remember what I've been learning and put it to good use.

Takes some practice, though.

 

thanks for stopping by!! I appreciate it.

[PatriciaVP]

Hi,

 

Love the new avatar! Glad to hear you're doing so much better. Your positive perspective on the new skills you're learning through this process is really uplifting and helpful to me as I struggle with what feels like pretty intense symptoms of late.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Godiswithme]

I'm trying to understand something. I KNOW these drugs are EVIL. I C/T'd off an AD and Abilify. But if that tiny amount brings you that much relief, is there a benefit to staying on? Do you still get Waves on that amount? I'm not sure I understand the full picture of reinstating. I know it's meant for people who didn't taper slowly enough in order to try to relieve symptoms from withdrawal? But, does a slow taper usually soften the physical symptoms of withdrawal. Or also, the emotional ones?

[Happy2Heal]

On 11/27/2016 at 2:17 PM, PatriciaVP said:

Hi,

 

Love the new avatar! Glad to hear you're doing so much better. Your positive perspective on the new skills you're learning through this process is really uplifting and helpful to me as I struggle with what feels like pretty intense symptoms of late.

thanks Patricia! It's a rat, not one of my own pet rats, but a cute one I saw on FB lol

 

sorry you're still struggling.

A lot of times I will think of the line in your posts:  "just keep swimming..."  

I have a hard time being positive when things are bad. I try very hard to be, but as you can see, just a few weeks ago, I was as far from positive as you can get  😕

 

for those times, I try to be compassionate with myself. of course we're going to get discouraged when it seems like nothing is getting better, but usually, there is at least one TINY thing you can find that's improved a wee bit, and you just hold onto that, you know?

 

as time goes by, I discover that I had other symptoms, I just don't notice that I had them til they are gone. or maybe I forget that I noticed them... I had jaw pain/tension and neck stiffness and pain and those are greatly reduced or gone as well.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name