success ☼ Happy2Heal: Hope I'm doing this right

[Happy2Heal]

I'm trying to understand something. I KNOW these drugs are EVIL. I C/T'd off an AD and Abilify. But if that tiny amount brings you that much relief, is there a benefit to staying on? Do you still get Waves on that amount? I'm not sure I understand the full picture of reinstating. I know it's meant for people who didn't taper slowly enough in order to try to relieve symptoms from withdrawal? But, does a slow taper usually soften the physical symptoms of withdrawal. Or also, the emotional ones?

 

Hi GIWM,

 

how are you doing? I hope you've had some relief.  (((hugs)))

 

to answer your questions:

I don't know if I will stay on this tiny dose for a long time, I am going to at least stay where I am til Jan 1st.

I will decide then if I want to taper or not.

 

do I get waves on this tiny dose? not really. If I have a bit of a harder time, I can usually look back and trace it to something like a small updose or adding/removing a supplement, that caused the wave. or a symptom might be caused by me not being as careful with what I eat (eating sugar can lead to some crying when my blood sugar drops lol)

 

 

FOR ME. reinstating was the best thing I could have done. And as you know, I was already off the lexapro for what, 5 or 6 mos?

I have had some days that were a tiny bit rougher than others but there has been almost steady IMPROVEMENT of all of my symptoms since I reinstated.

 

Every single day, there was either a symptom that was gone, or much better.

Every single day, there was something that was not as bad as the day before.

 

it happened so gradually that I was still having a lot of trouble for several weeks, but finally, I was feeling better for longer and longer periods.

 

Now I have some very mild symptoms, and that's about it. I have some brain fog, some trouble finding the right word in a conversation, things like that.

 

Our stories are a bit different as you are on more drugs.

I only have to be concerned with the lexapro

although I did add a tiny bit of a benzo and that made things worse, for me.

 

I had a very positive outcome from reinstating so I am biased, I tend to think that you might have a good outcome too BUT we are two different people

with very different histories,

so it has to be up to you, to decide.

 

I personally think that if you had the liquid lexapro and took a tiny tiny bit as I did, you will either see a difference or not.

if you find some relief, then it was the right thing to do

if you feel worse, than it's not the right thing to do

if you don't feel any different, wait at least 4 days to see if you notice any change at all.

BUT you have to do what you are comfortable with.

Like you, I was very much against reinstating, and even after renewed the Rx I waited a week before trying any.

I am so glad that I did try it!

 

Even if you decide to reinstate, you are going to have to do a lot of work on coping with the symptoms in non drug ways, but I promise you, those things are well worth the effort.

I was so skeptical at first and I wish now I had not put off trying them for so long.

 

Believe that you can heal, because you CAN and you will.

 

and then find the things that work for you, to get thru the rough patches.

Before you know it, you will come out the other side!!!

 

 

I apologize that I made mistakes in my signature, Math is not my best subject

I started on .05 mgs and not 0.2 as I had written earlier. I gradually did go up a bit, and then I went up TOO much and had some bad insomnia, so I went back down.

This is NOT what is recommended.

try as I might, I seem destined to scew up the whole stability thing

 

I am now promising myself to stay firm at 0.15 twice a day. (total of 0.3mgs)

 

it is a tiny dose but it is also an extremely strong drug.

It doesn't take much.

[Happy2Heal]

 

I know it's meant for people who didn't taper slowly enough in order to try to relieve symptoms from withdrawal? But, does a slow taper usually soften the physical symptoms of withdrawal. Or also, the emotional ones?

 

Hi again, I"m sorry I just saw that I didn't answer all of your questions

 

I did not do a slow taper, I went down way too fast.

 

 I wish I'd done the slow taper. I don't know which symptoms would have gotten better, in what order, there's no way to predict that. :/  BUT I am pretty sure things would not have been as rough as they have been

 

Just look at scallywag or some of the others doing slow tapers, they are getting thru it with only minimal or manageable symptoms.

 

 

 

 

Try not to look too far into the future, ok? don't think of it as months and months of being on a drug you want nothing to do with.

 

Think of it instead as giving yourself and your Brain the time to gently recover and heal. Think of it as a kindness you are doing for your body.

 

I wanted to be done with it right away too, and you see what that got me? it was not good.

 

I hope this answers your questions....?

 

write to me any time ok?

 

for now, You only need to deal with TODAY OK?

 

what can you do to help yourself get thru today?

[Happy2Heal]

 

do I get waves on this tiny dose? not really.

 

 

OK this is not entirely true.

having some waves but they are small ;-)

[Happy2Heal]

was looking over the past month or so, since I reinstated.

 

I went on that tiny .05 mg dose on Oct 26 and had updosed in a few days, to .05 twice a day, and then, because I was impatient and in a really bad place around Nov 1st. it looks like I went up again.

 

Things were so bad I am unable to read my own notes, but there was a couple of days when I added a 0.5 dose in the middle of the day, one day TWO middle of the day doses

 

It looks like I stayed steady at 0.1mgs twice a day (total of .2mg per day) for about 2 weeks, then freaked out apparently, because my notes have me updosing for several days in a row, on the 15th,16th, 17th and 18th :?
 

I had the worst insomnia then and started to think I'd over shot the best dose, so started to come back down on over the next few days, FINALLY coming to 0.15 twice a day

 

I am now on the 4 or 5tth day since dropping to .3 per day from .35 and I am finally able to sleep up to 4hrs before waking up and then I get several hours of rest, if not actual sleep, after that.

So nice to be able to sleep!!

I am thrilled about that!!

 

I am now steady on .015 twice a day and things continue to improve each day.

any kind of stress or stimulation brings on small waves, but they are so tiny compared to even a week ago, it's been really nice.

 

My plan now is to stay on this dose, a total of 0.3mgs per day in divided doses, til after the first of the year

 

Then I will decide if I"m ready to taper.

 

In between now and then, and of course, beyond that, I will be tracking my symptoms so that I can see what I missed seeing this past summer!
 

with the benefit of hindsight, I now see that I was slipping down back in August, and like a snowball rolling downhill, things just got out of hand by sometime in late Sept/ early Oct.

 

I was doing too many new things, going to new places, and got overwhelmed but didn't realize it til things got really bad.

 

I also have some personal childhood and early adult traumas that happened around these times of year, I was hit by a car on Sept 1st when I was 18

There was some early childhood trauma around Thanksgiving that lasted well into the new year, so that is some of the issues that make this time of year esp difficult for me.

 

I am wishing that I didn't need to be so vigilant about symptoms and such but I know that if I'm not, things could get bad again quickly.

[Happy2Heal]

I wrote this a couple of days ago in a PM to someone and she suggested that I post it as it could give others some hope, so here it is:

"I am frankly utterly amazed at how well I've done in the past few days. I've had bigger and longer windows each and every day since Tuesday (11/22)

Monday I was a basket case, calling around trying to find someone to sleep over my house or somewhere I could go, so I wouldn't be alone, because I was felt so awful being alone with this crap going on.


Now, while I am def not 100%, I am so much better, If I had to stay like this for the rest of my life, I think I'd be ok with it.


The only thing that seems to have changed, beyond the passing of time, is that I was actually able to identify the thoughts that spring up when I get the anxiety and dread, and then work with challenging those thoughts.

it's been amazing to realize that I can stop the anxiety from ballooning, just by paying attention to those thoughts and knowing that what I fear, is based on past traumas- things that happened over 50 yrs ago that have no impact on my life now, beyond the power that I give them.


I'm praying that I'm in coming into the home stretch now and I know I will be disappointed if I have more bad waves, but to have this time now, when things are good, it's awesome.

I have mixed feelings about posting about it, I don't want to make anyone else feel badly if they are not doing as well, but I think it might also give ppl hope to know that when it does get better, it's great!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Since writing that, each passing day has continued to be better than the day before. I am so grateful for this.

 

My main symptoms are:

**blurred vision and other visual anomalies (seeing things that aren't there, ghosting, etc)

 

**The ringing in my ears (but much lower in volume and much less often now) Some mild DP/DR when I get over stimulated.

 

**My temp is leveling out quite a bit too. a few night sweats or chills but not nearly as much as before.

 

**I do not sleep as long as I would like to, but I do sleep. I try not to look at the clock because if I wake up and see, say, 2 am, that may set me up for worrying that I'm going to be awake for the rest of the night. Instead I try to make myself more comfortable and prepare myself to read or watch TV if I don't get sleepy again.

I think most of the time I do eventually fall back into a lighter sleep. I will hear the TV if it's on, for example, or notice that there are cars out on the road, and as I hear more cars I know that it's getting closer to dawn.

 

**I have occasional very mild nausea. No vomiting or diarrhea.

**I've only had a few bad cortisol spikes if I ate too close to bedtime, or ate something that's not on my diet (had a candy bar)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

so, just over a month since RI and I'm doing fantastic. I would not have believed this was possible, as I was in bad shape just a week ago! I was better, but I was still having symptoms that bothered me a great deal.

 

so please, do not give up. Even when things seem really dark or you think you can't take another day, you may be just on the verge of turning a corner and things getting better.

 

I pray for all of you, for healing and hope and happiness. Every day. Mostly many times a day.

[Happy2Heal]

heh, I always worry that if I have a good day, I'll get smacked with a bad night and I kinda was

 

only slept in one hour light naps all night ti around 4, been awake since then. bleh.

had some mild anxiety off and on.

 

could be from going down from 0.35 to .03 mgs

 

 

[Frogie]

Sorry you didn't sleep. That's a bummer.

It might be from decreasing. But I'm no expert .

Maybe try going back up and see if it works if the mods think it's ok.

Take care,
Frogie xx

[KarenB]

I'd just ride it out - changing doses to fix w/s symptoms can lead to further instability.  Give it time, see how it turns out.   

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Godiswithme]

Do you mind if I ask why you went down?

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Happy2Heal]

Sorry you didn't sleep. That's a bummer.

 

It might be from decreasing. But I'm no expert .

 

Maybe try going back up and see if it works if the mods think it's ok.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

thanks Frogie

nah I'm not anxious to updose, that caused worse insomnia when I did that before :/

[Happy2Heal]

On 11/30/2016 at 7:37 AM, KarenB said:

I'd just ride it out - changing doses to fix w/s symptoms can lead to further instability.  Give it time, see how it turns out.   

 

yeh that's what I'm doing

 

I do have a question about if lexapro is considered "accelerating"  Or a "brake" or both?

 

I've seen certain drugs referred to that way, like lamictal being a brake...

It appears, from just my own experience, that it's both, depending on the dose. And it has been both for me, at different times

 

at the higher doses I was on before I started to (rapidly) taper off back in  June 15, I was sleeping all the time- so it was like a brake? I guess...?

now I have insomnia but that actually got worse after I updosed ever so slightly after my initial RI.   ???

 

 

I would love it if a further reduction/taper would help me sleep but I am not willing to do that now!!

 

I need to stay steady and give my brain time to catch up.

 

thanks KarenB

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Happy2Heal]

 

 

Hi GIWM:

(the short answer is in bold below)

when I reinstated, I noticed an almost immediate improvement in some of my physical symptoms. Not a huge improvement, mind you, but noticable. I was able to breathe, the physical tightness in my body left with that first tiny dose of 1/20 of a mg!

 

 

I was in a really bad place, so I updosed a tiny bit again in just a few days, hoping to get more relief, and I did.

 

then, rather than wait it out, as things were still pretty awful, I did something stupid- for a few days, out of desperation, I took an additional dose or two in the middle of the day, hoping it would help me sleep.

 

It did not- what happened was that, instead of a few broken hours of sleep, I now wasn't able to get ANY sleep.

So I stopped adding mid day doses, and tried to stay steady on where I ended up from those added doses, which turned out to be 0.15 morning and 0.2 at night.

 

This was too hard to remember, I would sometimes forget and take two doses that were the same, which was ok so long as it was just the 0.15, but if I forgot and took 0.2 twice in one day, I was screwed (increased symptoms and insomnia)

 

so......

 I decided to drop the dose so that I was taking the same dose both morning and night, and settled on 0.15 (to keep from accidentally taking too much)

 

I now wish that I had never gone up as high as I did.

I know that must sound incredible, this being such a low dose, but I think I might have been ok at just 0.1 twice a day.

Oh well. it's done and I'm doing better every day, so it's ok.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[KarenB]

Lexapro is an SSRI, and therefore an accelerator.  These drugs tend to, but don't always, cause sleeplessness.  

 

Changes in dose can cause insomnia, so that may explain why your recent updose caused more rather than less insomnia.  I'm unsure why you would have been sleepier on higher doses, except that sometimes SSRIs and all their side-effects can be rather exhausting in general. 

 

Am glad you are staying steady for now.

[Happy2Heal]

Lexapro is an SSRI, and therefore an accelerator.  These drugs tend to, but don't always, cause sleeplessness.  

 

Changes in dose can cause insomnia, so that may explain why your recent updose caused more rather than less insomnia.  I'm unsure why you would have been sleepier on higher doses, except that sometimes SSRIs and all their side-effects can be rather exhausting in general. 

 

Am glad you are staying steady for now.

 

 

thanks KarenB

 

hmm, I wonder if I was having a paradoxical reaction to the lexapro at higher doses?  I kept going to the dr to complain that I would fall asleep if I just sat still for a little while, even after sleeping all night or for 12hrs or more.

She did blood work to check my thyroid, etc and when it was all negative, she concluded that I was depressed.

I knew that I was NOT depressed, although I was discouraged about missing out on things due to sleeping so much.

 

I continue to have small waves, with "clearer" windows every day. Sometimes there will be a rougher wave than the day before, that can often be traced back to eating too late at night or eating something not on my diet, or something like that. 

 

I still wake up often during the night but last night I slept long enough to dream!

the dream was about wanting to sleep LOL

[Happy2Heal]

 

Your symptoms are your best guide about when to make a reduction.

 

If you have had

• no symptoms since your last reduction, 4 weeks is a decent hold until you have a good understanding of how your body reacts to dose reductions,

   

• symptoms that have been tolerable and stable since your last reduction, a 4-week hold is reasonable

   

• moderate to severe symptoms after your last reduction AND they have diminished to the point of being tolerable and stable, make a dose reduction no sooner than 2 weeks after the symptoms became tolerable and stable.

   

• moderate to severe symptoms after your last reduction that HAVE NOT DIMINISHED to the point of being tolerable, continue to hold and observe your symptoms.

 

 

 

Scallywag, that's a great guide and something I was wondering as well, do you mind if i copy and paste it into my thread for ease in finding it?

yyeehhaaww sorry to hijack your thread

Edited December 1, 2016 by scallywag
moved from yyeehhaaww's intro ;)

[Happy2Heal]

thank you Scallywag for copying that to my thread

 

I know I've got to take some time to hold at the current dose, but I've been working on a taper schedule (subject to change as needed, when the time comes)

 

and was wondering what you think?
 

I take the liquid generic lexapro twice a day now, 0.15mgs each time

My plan is to taper in these doses, every 4 weeks unless a longer hold is needed:

0.14 BID (twice a day)

0.13

0.12

0.11

0.10

0.09

0.08

0.07

0.06

0.05

0.04

0.03

0.02

0.01

*zero*

 

this will take about a year I guess

My main concern is running out of the liquid and not being able to find a Dr to Rx it but if that seems to be the case, I may speed up the taper....

I don't know, will cross that bridge when I come to it

 

But I find for me, for now, in this long hold, I need to see evidence of this ending eventually LOL
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just spent SO much time trying to manage the symptoms of this last huge wave, that now that I don't need to do so much self care etc to get thru the day, I find myself stepping back into my life and not even remembering where I was, when I was so rudely interrupted by WD

I am looking at things differently and not doing so many things without thinking about them. I have given up a lot of bad habits and replaced them with good ones.

doing so has actually freed up a lot of time for me, and the not sleeping for more than 4 hrs a night has also given me many extra hours  of time to use up....

 

and I find myself wondering, what the heck was I doing before, that I always seemed to be feeling rushed and always behind???

it's such an odd experience.

I feel like a huge shift has been made in my life and while overall, it seems to be mainly for the best, change is uncomfortable, even good changes

and I find myself kind of floundering a bit I guess.

 

I'm so relieved to be where I am now. Don't get me wrong.
Now I'm just trying to find my way around my life again, and it's an odd feeling.

 

 

Speaking of feelings, that tiny bit of lexapro has turned me flat, no emotions, or very few, so that is another reason why I"m looking forward to the rest of the taper in the future.

 

I want to feel again!!

 

I had some intense emotions during WD, esp at first and then more during the summer, and now I wonder if those were just WD "neuro emotions" and not my real ones

 

I am looking forward to having real feelings. I hope that I will be able to handled them.

 

 

 

[scallywag]

your taper dosages look fine to me. Also, you can quote content or copy+paste content to your intro thread ALL you want.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
removed member name

[Happy2Heal]

thank you Scallywag.

~~~~~~~~~~~

 

not much to report, a few small waves, some shakiness this morning and some stress diarrhea (had an important appt today)

 

my vision is still pretty bad but I have some periods where it clears up a bit

I have regained my sense of smell some of the time, at least.  Hmm, the rats need their cage cleaned LOL
 

I am using affirmations every day, such as this one: "every day, in every way, I am getting better and better"

 

and when I am starting to feel down or things start to look dark, I force myself to look up, just the very act of putting your head in that position, I have read, can ward off or help heal depression.

wish I could recall where I read it so I could provide a link to it.

 

holding at 0.15 twice a day but very anxious to get started on tapering so we'll see how well I can hold.
It's going to be very hard for me, I can see that already lol

[PatriciaVP]

"But I find for me, for now, in this long hold, I need to see evidence of this ending eventually LOL."

 

I totally know how you feel, Cat. Just having that plan in place, even if you don't end up sticking to it can be so reassuring.

 

I'm glad that you are doing so much better. You have definitively gained some monster skills in the last few months. Keep up the good work!

[Happy2Heal]

"But I find for me, for now, in this long hold, I need to see evidence of this ending eventually LOL."

 

I totally know how you feel, Cat. Just having that plan in place, even if you don't end up sticking to it can be so reassuring.

 

I'm glad that you are doing so much better. You have definitively gained some monster skills in the last few months. Keep up the good work!

 

thanks PVP. 

 

had quite the headache from 4am ish on, and some congestion, I'm gonna call it a small wave but it's interesting that last night I wasn't sure if i got the full 0.15mgs into the syringe (just before I took it, I thought I saw an air pocket but my reflexes are slow so I took it before checking it again)  So I wonder, did I take a tiny bit less and that's what caused the headache? I hope that's not the case, I'd prefer a random wave to evidence that a tiny reduction in dose is gonna give me symptoms right away but, if it does, it does :/

 

 I do still wake up at 4 am.  I have had some luck drifting off to sleep a couple of nights for maybe a half hour more,here or there, but going this long with only 2 to 4 hrs sleep per night (for roughly 18 mos now)........?

Yeh, so I guess a long hold is a good idea for now.

 

I have added foods that have melatonin in them to my diet, but I didn't eat that many of those foods yesterday. I will try to eat more today. I wonder if it matters what time of day you eat them?

I find i do get to sleep a bit easier if I've had at least a 20 min walk, so I'm trying to add in more walking.

My once a week yoga class helps, I am going to try to follow some YouTube yoga videos to see if I can do some yoga at home as well.

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

oh, you know, the congestion and headache may be from something I ate, I had some cheese flavored rice cakes (not exactly on a vegan diet eh LOL)  I don't do well with any milk products at all.

 

Will get back to keeping my diet 'cleaner' and see if that helps.

 

I am trying to stay positive about the sleep situation but some days it just wears on me. I know when I finally get a decent night's sleep, I'm going to truly relish it!!

[PatriciaVP]

I know that if I was only getting 2-4 hrs of sleep a night I'd be a total mess. You're handling it so well.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if the congestion and headache you got after your questionable dose was just a coincidence. 'Tis the season for sniffles and such.

 

Keep up the good work with the diet and the yoga. You've already made such impressive progress.

[Happy2Heal]

Replies inserted in bold

I know that if I was only getting 2-4 hrs of sleep a night I'd be a total mess. You're handling it so well.

 

heh, thanks for saying so but you would not want to talk to me in the morning. I am cursing lexapro and myself for ever taking it, instead of just accepting that this is how things are for now. But they will get better!! I guess it's ok to curse to myself, so long as I don't wallow.

I wouldn't be surprised if the congestion and headache you got after your questionable dose was just a coincidence. 'Tis the season for sniffles and such.

oh would be almost a good thing to have a normal cold, but nope, my congestion is definitely a WD symptom and it comes and goes, usually at regular times, every day. LOL at first, I would have a sneezing fit at the same time every day. Now it's more a bit of congestion or post nasal drip. Ick. but I'm fine now, no congestion at all and the headache, well it comes and goes. Meh.

this too shall pass, right?

Keep up the good work with the diet and the yoga. You've already made such impressive progress.

Thank you so much Patricia! I used to not be able to take a compliment well but now, Heh, that false modesty had gone out the window LOL yes I agree, I've made a lot of progress, and even *I* am impressed. I have to go back to that when things take a downward turn and I start to feel like an utter failure LOL

 

I follow several threads here and I come across such nice things that you write to people. I am sorry you are still having such a rough time.  You have such a giving and kind spirit.

 

 

[Happy2Heal]

OK time to take stock

 

It's been 40 days since I reinstated and 12 days since staying at a stable dose of 0.15 twice a day.

 

Even going back to 40 days ago, when things were really really rough, at least one thing got a least a little bit better EVERY DAY.

 

Nearly every day has been better than the day before.

Days start out a bit on the rough side but get better as they go on.

 

From well over 42 symptoms to begin with, I am now down to under 10 and some days, under 7.

Remaining symptoms include some mild temp dysregulation (eating seems to make me get hot and sweaty, being over tired can give me chills)
Vision disturbances continue but I do get some "windows" with almost clear vision, yay!

I have mild anxiety from time to time, in the realm of normal, I'd say, with just a few days where I've had more serious anxiety that was clearly a chemically induced anxiety.

 

early morning awakening (around 4 am) continues and so does insomnia BUT I've been able to sleep long enough to dream!! 
and I have been able to just rest for a lot longer without that restless feeling that makes it so laying down feels worse than getting up, regardless of how bone weary my body is. I can only see this improving as each day goes by.

 

 

I did discover something online- turns out that Subway apparently has hidden MSG in a lot of their subs..???? seriously? plus a lot of other crap that I don't ordinarily eat so I'm not stopping there for a tuna or veggie delight sub anymore!! that might  be where I got that headache from, I'm not sure. I know I have never been able to handle MSG!

 

I am still abstaining from caffeine, chocolate, sweets and most processed foods. I have increased the amnt of high melatonin foods I eat. 

I no longer eat absent-mindedly, instead I sit down to eat and chew and enjoy my food,- such a huge change from not being able to eat anything a few weeks ago.

 

I found some new and novel ways to deal with any anxiety that does pop up- I got the book "Recovery and Renewal" by Baylissa Frederick. Initially I was not too impressed with the book, as I was looking for more specific suggestions for dealing with symptoms, like certain foods or something like that...

 

But now that I've re read it, I am glad I bought my own copy.

It's easy to read, which is great when you are having a lot of symptoms!

I now do this thumb holding technique, can't say yet if it works but if nothing else, it gives me something to do when I'm feeling a bit anxious or unable to sleep, so it can't hurt, ;-)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

if you had asked me even a week ago, If I thought it was possible for me to feel  as good as I do now, I would have said, no there's no way.
I really didn't think that things would ever get to this point again.

 

so if you are in that place, where it feels like nothing is improving, or that you are stuck and will never get better, PLEASE know that even when it does not feel like it, you ARE healing and you are not too far off from feeling a lot better!!

 

I *am* still on some lexapro, so I am surely not "recovered". I still have a long taper to do. But since I first began this journey in June 2015, this is the best I've felt, with the fewest symptoms.

 

I am not eager to start tapering, and in some ways, I feel like I'd be happy to stay on this tiny dose of lexapro for as long as I can get it prescribed for me.

But then I think about the fact that, even on this tiny dose, I know that my emotions are blunted, my affect is flat, I don't have access to my feelings yet, although occasionally I will laugh in a way that seems genuine, or tear up about something sad.

That little bit of lexapro is still stealing the full range of emotions and cutting me off from feeling things fully, so I know eventually I will need to get down to zero

 

 

but there's no rush!!!!!!

 

To anyone still following my journey, please do not be upset if I am not around that much for awhile. It's been a very rough few months and I am so behind in my daily life and activities. I want to focus on good things, and on getting back my confidence, stuff like that.

 

I think of you all every day, and wish you healing and happiness and peacefulness.

 

 

 

 

 

[Lakelander82]

When I read stories of people struggling at a tiny dose of 0.3 mg I shudder to think what awaits me seeing as I'm on 100 times that dose and struggling with a painstaking taper of 5% every 5 weeks.

[Junglechicken]

Cat,

 

That is amazing progress, well done! Also, your positivity will go a long way in aiding your recovery.

 

It's very exciting seeing someone on SA climb a few steps up the ladder (like in snakes and ladders), and so being unnoticed by the snake (WD).

 

Healing is happ'n for you for sure :0)

 

JC x

[Happy2Heal]

When I read stories of people struggling at a tiny dose of 0.3 mg I shudder to think what awaits me seeing as I'm on 100 times that dose and struggling with a painstaking taper of 5% every 5 weeks.

oh I hear you!!

 

but let me state for the record that, for the most part, the symptoms I've had were VERY manageable, and in the beginning, I was not even aware that I had WD symptoms beyond the trouble sleeping and temp issues.

I plowed thru the first year, with a WAY too fast taper!! and then jumping off 2.5mgs, and the symptoms I had did not really affect my daily functioning much at all

 

so, look at it this way: If I was able to do that well, and I screwed up and went TOO FAST- imagine what a good, proper and slow taper can do?

don't look at the length of time, it will just discourage you.

Look at it as having the best taper, the fewest symptoms, or maybe, if you're like our Unicorns, none at all!!!

 

I jumped off of 2.5mgs in May and by late August I was starting to suffer but still managing, come Sept and into Oct- yes, THAT was bad. very bad.

BUT I jumped off at 2.5mgs!! I could have avoided all that by actually listening and following the great advice given here.

But noooooooo I thought I was "special". I thought I could race thru this, unscathed. It doesn't work that way, and If nothing else, I put myself out there as a "cautionary tale"

DO NOT DO WHAT I  DID!

 

I know that I was extremely fortunate that reinstating worked  for me, it had been 5 mos since last my dose and I did ok with RI

Not everyone is that lucky.

 

You will be fine, Lakelander82

this is my 3rd attempt to come off of lexapro since 2002. I was on a very high dose of 40mgs for some years; most of the time, I was on 30mgs. My dose bounced up and down often. Too often

I have cold turkey'd off 40mgs (as well as 2 other drugs at the same time) and survived (only to go back on when things got rough) I had no idea that I was even in WD back then. I was told it was not possible to be in WD that many months after stopping the drug.

 

Don't do any of that! It was extremely unpleasant, to say the least.

 

I hope that you will have the patience that I am just now getting, and take your time.

I wish I could  go back and start over and do it right. But now, I just move forward, knowing that staying healthy and being kind to my brain, is the most important thing.

slow and steady wins- and it's not a race!!!

[Happy2Heal]

Cat,

 

That is amazing progress, well done! Also, your positivity will go a long way in aiding your recovery.

 

It's very exciting seeing someone on SA climb a few steps up the ladder (like in snakes and ladders), and so being unnoticed by the snake (WD).

 

Healing is happ'n for you for sure :0)

 

JC x

 

 

thanks so much JC

healing is happ'n for YOU too, even if it doesn't feel like it yet.  ;-)

 

we are all healing. its wonderful that our brains and bodies know how to do this!!

[PatriciaVP]

Cat,

What a wonderful update! I am just thrilled for you. Some seriously overdue and well deserved relief. You're well on your way and your positive attitude is bound to take you the rest of the way.

[Happy2Heal]

Cat,

What a wonderful update! I am just thrilled for you. Some seriously overdue and well deserved relief. You're well on your way and your positive attitude is bound to take you the rest of the way.

 

yer makin' me blush LOL

but thanks!

 

I'm doing symptom tracking now and here's the scores for the past  4 days:

out of a total of 110 as the worst possible of the 11 symptoms listed:

Dec 2nd 15

Dec 3rd   5

Dec 4th  3

today Dec 5th 1

 

Contrast that to a month ago, when I had over 40 symptoms and many of those would have rated the highest score of 10. Yeh, as much as 400 points was possible!! and I wouldn't doubt that many days rated in the 300's easily.

So to go from that, to single digits, it's almost a miracle.

It's the miracle of our super smart healing brains!!

they know what to do. ;-)

 

 

Now I need to add that I do NOT count insomnia and waking up at 4 am as symptoms. I know they are, but for reasons that are not even known to ME LOL I don't count them.

When the insomnia is gone, I'll throw a huge party, though

 

so I guess a positive attitude is helping but also a HUGE help has been, and continues to be, all the support, feedback, suggestions and help that I've gotten from the great people here!!

I don't think I could have made it thru all this without all you wonderful friends.

and a special thanks to my phone buddy, who has spent literally hours chatting with me and keeping me out of the darkest places.

 

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? no one knows!

but even if it's bad, I know that I can survive it (I also know if it's bad I won't like it LOL but I'll get thru it)

and knowing that is also helpful.

[PatriciaVP]

All I can say is WOW!

[Happy2Heal]

ok so maybe my vision is a bit worse then I thought, I fell and sprained my ankle this morning, ripped my pants and skinned both knees

 

ouch!! LOL

funny thing was, I had just thought to myself, I think there's a single stair at the end of this walkway, I should be careful about that......

 

and Just as I was finishing that thought, I fell off that single step, onto the side of my ankle and then my knees hit, and then the palm of one hand

 

Ice, rest, elevation, it'll be as good as new in a week, I hope

 

smh though about it lol

[Blondiee1915]

Hi Cat - 

 

I just wanted to stop by and say hello and cheer you on your continuing progress.  I am so happy many of your systems diminished/disappeared and it is so encouraging to hear you are doing so well.  I agree with Patricia your positive attitude and courage are big contributors in your success.  You are so strong to go through this process, stumble but yet pick yourself up and move forward with positive thinking.  Very admirable.  As I said many times you are giving me hope <3 

 

On another note, so sorry you fell! that is terrible.  Def ice it and try to rest up 

 

Sending positive thoughts your way 

 

B.

[Happy2Heal]

thanks so much Blondie for your kind words

 

I did not have any positive thoughts last night, believe me, all I could think was, great! now I am stuck being off my foot for a few days, I was worried that the anxiety would come back.

 

I have had a small increase in anxiety, nothing like it was, though, whew!!

I have to try to remember to be more flexible in my thinking and be able to accept whatever may come.

I have to remember that there will still be waves- without obsessing about it.

:/

 

this journey is so very hard!!

at first, when I came here, I thought, oh wow, so many suffering people-

now I think, oh wow, so many strong and courageous people!!

 

it's remarkable to me that we are still basically unacknowledged by the medical profession, the mental health community and many of our friends/family

 

it's not like this has been kept a secret, you do a google search and you see that ppl have been struggling with getting off these meds for YEARS and YEARS and yet the word is not getting out to the ppl Rxing this stuff.

I find that very frustrating.

 

 

welp, gonna stay in today and rest my ankle. I foolishly walked on it too much yesterday and was in a great deal of pain by 6 pm

 

not doing that again today!! I may be a slow learner, but at least I do finally catch on LOL

[Happy2Heal]

saving this info on the Brassmonkey slide for future reference:

 

"Being so sensitive, when you start to taper there is a variant of the 10% method that may make things easier on you.  It is called the Brassmonkey Slide Method.  Essentially it is dropping 2.5% a week for 4 weeks and then an additional 2 week hold.  this gives a drop of 10% over 6 weeks.  By dropping the smaller amounts you sorta sneak up on the symptoms and it seems to make them less severe."

[brassmonkey]

Hi --  I saw your question on PatriciaVP's thread.  I hope KarenB answered it okay.  The 2.5% is just a guideline, it's the amount I started out using and has worked well for me.  Others are using the same concept of four small drops and a hold with a variety of different percentages so it is possible to do it with a much smaller drop each week.  The twice a day dosing makes it a little more tricky but that can be accommodated too.

 

Edited January 23, 2022 by ChessieCat
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