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Faithgrl

Faithgrl: Bipolar II checking in...has anyone tried Prozac bridge or kambo

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Faithgrl

Karen and Fresh

 

Thanks for the suggestion. Crap its really the meds withdrawal. I restarted again this Monday at 0.1 and will stay there until this job situation works itself out. I missed the dose this morning and the incessant head noise came back...which sent me running home for the dose.

 

I have been talking to my boss for my old job back and got an offer today which was good. I was there for 2.5 years and while it had its challenges, it wasn't anywhere near as bad as this one. This place is Japanese in its operations - very precise, everyone wears a grey/white or blue shirt (even the women!) and nobody seems to have any fun. On that basis I think I am out. This ain't my kinda crazy....it would appear.

 

I would LOVE to come out of this in a mall. Or a chocolate cafe....

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Faithgrl

So, I went back to my old job and came off completely two weeks ago. The depression and trauma does come up but I joined the group Adult children of Alcoholics and dysfunctional families which is helping to deal with these issues as they come up. Skin issues are currently a massive issue but the bleach baths is helping alot.

 

Contrary to the board, I started taking fish oil and tumeric. Both turns out to be very bad ideas. Fish oil cause insomnia and tumeric cause HIVES (its still trying to go down urghhhh). So much for trying a magic (natural) cure .

 

Sigh......

 

On the other hand I might be getting too ambitious and looking to take up cross-fit. But looking at the exercise board that could totally f**k me up. So am looking into 2:1 lessons just to get a taste and try something else.

 

Thanks for all being there and the advice and suggestions. Even if I don't follow it at least its my own goddam fault..

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Faithgrl

So, a couple of weeks off 0.015 and today is my first fairly sleepless night. I took a few days off work last week and back to work yesterday, but felt really jittery after a few cups of tea in the afternoon. So no more cups of tea, just my usual 3 coffees and hope I don't fall asleep at my desk.

 

My eczema is awful and flarely at the moment. Maybe I should also lay off the ice cream and fairly floss, even if it's once a week. It all adds up!

 

I am also aware that if the sleeplessness continues I might need to reinstate. ThAts fine too. I feel humbled by my biological process and how I ever thought I would thrawt it with drugs.

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Faithgrl

Well, so much for jumping off. 3 sleepless nights out of 7 means I think it's better that I sleep with meds reinstated than none. Plus my skin hurts and I haven't stopped flaring with everything triggering histamines reactions.

The measuring tubes (??) and syringe I ordered off eBay lucky arrived 2 weeks ago so I feel like a kid with their chemistry set. Measured out my dose this morning and back to 0.05 and might try and jump off at 0.005? God these decimals are hard.

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Faithgrl

feel like myself again. I jumped off at 0.015 about a month ago and got progressively worse symtoms, starting off with really bad histamine flares on my skin (I ended up looking like a spotty zebra with red blobs all over) and graduating to not sleeping in the last week. So based on various suggestion on SA I have decided to reinstate at 0.05. I have now slept 3 nights and feel actually ok, but the skin flares remain. Part of me has the shame of not being able to jump off, but I am starting to read up on Will Hall's harm reduction approach to pschy drugs and realised its not all or nothing.

 

Just because I am on "something" doesn't mean I am deficient as a human being (actually I do believe that but I am working to surrender that belief).

 

Just because I am on "nothing" doesn't mean my life will automatically be better.

Edited by ChessieCat
Removed last sentence - inappropriate comment

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ChessieCat

There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about.  The drug has changed your brain and it needs time to adapt back to homeostatis.

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Faithgrl

Thanks Cat - so, can't admit that I am a huge fan of Will Hall?

 

Noted :wub:

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scallywag

Faithgrl, it's perfectly fine to express your appreciation for Will Hall and his work.

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Faithgrl

Ok. This is what I have figured out so far.

 

Yoga helps with reducing histamines in my body. ThAT is good. When I don't do it,that's bad.

 

My memory is shot. The boyfriend told me that I owe him $500. We both laughed. I can choose to feel paranoid about this, or, not responsible cause I cant remember anything. At the moment I am doing both.

 

My skin is completely stuffed. I have crusty bits from strep infection and red bits from histamines. And scarring. So off to functional doctor. And any exercise that produces heat is out cause that produces way too much histamine.

 

My personality changes day to day. When I dont sleep I am introverted. Some other days I want in on everyones business. That's also a crap shot.I can choose to worry about it, or enjoy the variety??

 

There are two ways of tapering. SA recommends 10% down of the current dose every month. Will hall says 10% of the current dose until 1/2, then 10% of that. I cant figure.out which way I want to go because I just reinstated but I dont need to be concerened about that right now.

 

Always make a note as to where I parked the car.

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Faithgrl

Huh. The functional medicine doctor said I should try sam-e. To increase serotonin and reduce the histamine reactions. Anyone has luck with this? Fish oil and tumeric was a terrible idea last time! And so was NAC

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scallywag

Sam-e is an amino acid that has effects on the CNS.  It may be appropriate to use when a person hasn't been on a psychiatric medication; it could be risky for someone who is taking medication or dealing with symptoms of withdrawal. Ask your functional doctor about his/her experience working with people with destablized CNSs.

 

Here's a link to our discussion topic on SAM-e (S-adenosyl-L-methionine).

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Faithgrl

Good point. After looking at the rest of us and my set back with tumeric and fish oil I think I might not go down that path.

 

Looks like its back to yoga to control the histamines.....boooooooooo

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Faithgrl

Huh. So I had a look around and some of us are using quercitin, the low histamine chef, and herbs. Thanks to GiaK thread.

 

I found some quercitin and tried it. Turns out it could react to the antibiotics I have been prescribed for my infected eczema from strep. So no quercitin until the antibiotics is done.

 

So, 2 weeks into reinstating at 0.05 I have the following issues took manage

 

1. Strep caused infected eczema

2. Histamine caused red lumpy eczema, and burning skin

 

And my boyfriend said that I am not much fun anymore because all I do is go to work, sleep, do yoga, sleep. And b**** about my symptoms. Really boring apparently.

 

Part of me feels like just falling into the withdrawal blackhole and cutting everyone off.

 

Part of me wonder if I can do better. I remember seeing a thread here where a lady ask is to accept our symptoms and get on with life as usual. But how do I do that when my skin hurts and all I want to do is be in a dark room and a lie down and the idea of talking makes me want to itch?

 

Looks like I have abit more research to do

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KarenB

Hey, not so easy times for you faithgirl.  I was interested to see that you have symptoms involving painful and itchy skin.  My husband (SA member, Mister KarenB) has this in a major way.  I'm going to mention to him your idea to use yoga to combat the histamine.  Here's what we've found useful in dealing with it: 

 

3/4 fill then freeze a hot water bottle.  Place in bed at night to keep skin cooler.

Also use a fan at night.

Sleep on a camp-stretcher so cool air flows underneath you.

Keep skin dry.  Use ice-packs to cool off painful areas during the day.

Do something physical when the urge to itch arises, till you get distracted from it. 

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Faithgrl

Hi Karen: Thanks! The heat doesn't help and I do keep cool with a MASSIVE fan in my bedroom.

 

Exciting news - I just joined the gym across the road from work that runs 45 mins yoga classes. I suspect since I come home itching, I could empty my histamine bucket (and anxiety) at lunchtime. Not bad at $30 unlimited per week, no joining fee.

 

Ok. So.I have done my research and the consensus/best practice seems to be to NOT focus on the symtoms but on the recovery. On this basis I have unfollowed a number of facebook groups (not the SA one) that has people posting up pictures of their histamine rashes. Focusing  on what is WRONG with my skin is making me super anxious and depressed. Focusing on what I can do about it is making me feel hopeful. So this is what I have done/am doing:

 

- yoga at lunchtime. (yikes means I gotta prep my own lunch)

 

-ordered black seed oil, activated charcoal, tulsi tea and pine bark extract. And YES I will try one supp at a time at half strenght, THIS TIME. I have learnt my lesson

 

-negotiated with the boyfriend my availability. I am no longer really avail to him Monday to Friday as all I can do at the moment is go to work, come home, do yoga, eat, have a bleach bath (to control my infected eczma) and go to bed. Watching TV by myself calms me and the itching down. Talking to him doesn't. We will do something fun on the weekend but Monday to Friday he is gonna find his own way. And I dealt with my abandonment issues in ACA, by myself, away from him.

 

- follow hopeful people who are on the same path, focusing on the solution, the impermance of our symptoms (or lack therefore), cultivating acceptance and gratitude. Much thanks to Alto and her thread on getting on with it rather than navel gazing and all GiaK's threads on her acceptance of her histamine symptoms and her journey. Gia K I have subscribed to your wonderful blog.

 

- this is going to sound CRAZY but for those in Sydney, going to a healing room in a church in Bondi has been a lifesaver for me. I went there itching away on a Saturday morning and SOMETHING there calm me down and my eczma calm down. And I don't really believe in Jeebus. This has given me SUCH a respect for the existence of the spritual aspect of our recovery and how much of my symptoms could be a manifestation of my own spiritual lack. As other people has said, we once placed our trust in doctors and western medicine who told us it was all chemicals and physical and that has gone....very poorly for us. And so whatever else I put my trust in can't be that much worse (well, except for truhope. that made me sooo constipated I broke a toilet :D )

 

- Take the attitude when I get a symptom consider what I can do about it, rather than panick . And avoid the "secondary" fear and judgement of what I could have done wrong and/or what i could have done differently.

Edited by scallywag
modified expletive deleted

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Faithgrl

So I had a conversation with another friend who again asked me why I am coming off anti-depressants.

 

I summarised - extreme tiredness, increase (!) depression because it stopped working, painful intercourse, and no access to my underlying issues and trauma so no chance of processing it.

 

On the other hand - my skin is f**ked with eczma (thanks histamine deregulation!). But I am now sleeping ok (thanks magnesium), and my skin is VERY slowly improving (hemp seed oil and hydrogen peroxide seems to work..) I am also working through my trauma issues very quickly and things that were there before is gone! 

 

I just need to remind myself why I am doing this sometimes.

 

Anyway, she thinks I can find a doctor who can support me in coming off, that is better than SA. I call B******.

 

If anyone has any "doctors" who can help with drawal i'd be happy to go see them.

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Faithgrl

So this week has been a lesson in what DOESN'T work for me. Specifically, black seed oil and Tulsi tea.

 

They were suppose to reduce my (bloody) histamines. But all they did was make me sleepy, cranky and itchy. So much for that. I reckon it set my healing back about 1/2 week, maybe more.

 

What is working at the moment is lots of peppermint teat, and peppermint infused water, lemon balm, no sugar or chocolate/cocoa, minimal starch, and of course, no grain, dairy, ferments, sugars, processed foods etc.

 

My head, funnily enough, feels fine. I am not depressed even though my skin hurts quite abit of the time. I really like the "best of SA" threads whcih has encouraged me to stay in the moment. Church healing prayers also helps. As i suspected, this disease is physical, emotional and spritual and needs to be worked on all fronts.

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Hopefull

Hi Faithgirl,

I wonder if unscented Billy Goat soap will help to clear your eczma.

When my kids had ezcma, I used uncented Billy Goats soap and it worked.

You can buy it from your local Chemist.

I think Chemist Warehouse has it. They also have a website. All the best, Hopefull.

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Hopefull

The website is: www.billiegoatsaop.com.au.

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Faithgrl

Thanks Hopeful! I am going to get some and try.

 

This week has been a VERY bad week for my skin. My head, incidentally feels fine.

 

On Tuesday, after flaring constantly on Monday (in particular after every meal) I decided to fast it out. I remember when I had food poisoning, there was no eczema.

 

So since Tuesday, I have been eating very little to minimise my flares. Pretty much liquids and supplements during the day, and maybe chicken or fish for dinner at night with a salad, if I am hungry. No starch or sugar. Its abit scary but funnily enough, I feel fine. I am still going to work which is good. It distracts me from the itchiness sometimes. 

 

The one thing that has helped my head to keep going seems to be a teaspoon of hemp seed oil. Anything more, I get itchy.

 

I am otherwise starting to keep a journal of everything I do and the frequency of the flares and looking into alternatives. Somebody else has tried LDN and I am going to look into that. 

 

I hope you are all well in this holiday season.

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AliG

Faith. You are on your own path and don't get " pulled back " by uneducated friends. This is your journey but we all have to remind ourselves why we are doing this.

 

I have found " fasting " helpful at times. That's just me but it's helped.

 

A journal is a great idea. Let us know how it goes.

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Faithgrl

Thanks AliG. I do appreciate the "permission" to fast, if it helps.

 

I have had an eating disorder in the past and part of the "cure" is to never skip meals, no matter what.

 

Now that that's gone, replaced by this, fasting (even though I am not even hungry) is doing my head in a little.

 

I do appreciate the permission to practice my own path.

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Faithgrl

So I went to my doctor about my eczema, mainly just to make sure it is JUST eczema and nothing more (ie shingles, psoriasis etc).

 

The conversation went like this:

 

Me: My flare up happened when I reinstated cipramil at 0.05

Him: How did you get it that small?

Me: I titrate it!

Him: Well, it is non therapeutic at less than 5mg.

Me: Yes but I am hypersensitive.

Him: Have you had any suicidal thoughts since coming off?

Me: No I feel fine. Great actually. Just my skin hates me

Him: Hmmmm ok. You usually use cortisone for your skin?

Me: Yes. But they stopped working 2 years ago.

Him: Ok. You ever had oral steroids

Me: No (!!!)

Him: Here is a scrip for Prednisone. Take that for a week and come back and see me, if its still there, we will get you an emergency appointment with a dermatologist.

Me: What would they do other than cortisone? The last one covered me in (free sample) cortisone and sent me on my way.

Him: They might have other ointments and emulsions.

Me: ok.

 

So I have a scrip for Prednisone in my hot little hands. In my head, if my body already doesn't like topical steriods, it aint' gonna like the oral ones. And this on top of withdrawals. 

 

Another search of the boards indicate that Prednisone is a VERY bad idea in withdrawal. I think I'll just suck up my eczema and do abit more fasting/intermittent fasting to stop the itching. I don't have any malnutrition or am underweight so I can afford to do that for a while.

 

One thing that I have figured out is that my body LOVES bone/meat or any kinda of broth. Even in the Australian summer. It stops the itch and calms me down. I think I'll do that for a while.

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Faithgrl

All, thanks to the email from Alto, I have done the survey and here is my update. I am officially off everything from 22 May 2017. The good news - no insomnia and no dizziness (which was what made me reinstate last time). The eczema is actually fairly under control with a minor flare every other week, and abit of flakiness (but nothing unmanageable). The bad news is that the mood swings are back and not so easy to manage. I am trying to remind myself its just neuro emotions and my body trying to find healing but its been hard. I have finally taken on advice an not changed jobs, even though I know I can get more $ elsewhere I know I probably can't handle a new job, for a little while. Today I felt depressed for no reason at all and had to sit down in a shopping centre until it passed...that was weird. Oh well....I am finding having faith in God and healing hopeful and helpful. Its better for me to believe that God will heal me if I keep going, and even if it doesn't happen, I am spending time in WD at least feeling hopeful and happier rather than not. If religion is the opiate of the masses, then so be it, at least it should have less side effects? My food has had to change significantly again - no more red meat and fat (I have found it inflammatory for the eczema) and white meat only, and minimal vegetables and fruit. Histamine tolerance seems to be abit better as I can now tolerate bacon (every day!) but not much cheese.

 

Since christmas, I have been seeing a functional medicine doctor to assist with managing the symtoms of WD (eczema) and also a kinesiologist and they have helped enormously. Like most of you, I also have a cupboard full of supplements that has been helpful but no longer in WD.

 

Sorry this is abit sporadic and "train of thought" but I haven't been very clear in my thinking (unless I have to shape up for work). But an update is an update....and for now I feel ok and I have to stay hopeful by the grace of God.

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Hopefull
On 8/20/2017 at 3:50 PM, Faithgrl said:

All, thanks to the email from Alto, I have done the survey and here is my update. I am officially off everything from 22 May 2017. The good news - no insomnia and no dizziness (which was what made me reinstate last time). The eczema is actually fairly under control with a minor flare every other week, and abit of flakiness (but nothing unmanageable). The bad news is that the mood swings are back and not so easy to manage. I am trying to remind myself its just neuro emotions and my body trying to find healing but its been hard. I have finally taken on advice an not changed jobs, even though I know I can get more $ elsewhere I know I probably can't handle a new job, for a little while. Today I felt depressed for no reason at all and had to sit down in a shopping centre until it passed...that was weird. Oh well....I am finding having faith in God and healing hopeful and helpful. Its better for me to believe that God will heal me if I keep going, and even if it doesn't happen, I am spending time in WD at least feeling hopeful and happier rather than not. If religion is the opiate of the masses, then so be it, at least it should have less side effects? My food has had to change significantly again - no more red meat and fat (I have found it inflammatory for the eczema) and white meat only, and minimal vegetables and fruit. Histamine tolerance seems to be abit better as I can now tolerate bacon (every day!) but not much cheese.

 

Since christmas, I have been seeing a functional medicine doctor to assist with managing the symtoms of WD (eczema) and also a kinesiologist and they have helped enormously. Like most of you, I also have a cupboard full of supplements that has been helpful but no longer in WD.

 

Sorry this is abit sporadic and "train of thought" but I haven't been very clear in my thinking (unless I have to shape up for work). But an update is an update....and for now I feel ok and I have to stay hopeful by the grace of God.

Hi Faith,

How are you doing these days? 

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Faithgrl

Hey Hopefull, thanks for checking in on me. I am actually mostly well. I am still in the same job and they have promoted me a few times, so not moving was not a bad move after all. Its been almost 2 years since I completely come off and symptoms has come and gone...I am still pretty allergic to lots of things and am still seeing the kinesiologist who is still helping enormously with the allergies that is coming up. My boyfriend and I are now both 40 and we are hoping to have a baby. The sex thing however remains problematic long after the meds that caused it has gone (sigh) so we are looking for some assistance, preferably without me getting doped up on hormones (and triggering more mood swings). Otherwise things are ok and I am excited about the next chapter. I usually hang out at the SA facebook group which is good. And I am going to search around this site for advice/recommendations for having a kid post WD. I am feeling hopeful! 

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Hopefull

Hi Faithgirl,

How are you doing these days?

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Faithgrl

Hello Hopeful! Thanks for checking in on me. I am actually great these days and I am feeling the best I have ever felt. I am not very active in these forums but pretty active over at the FB group. 

 

I feel like I have turned a corner since late last year when I found a church that I am comfortable in, and joined their worship team. Life is SO much smoother and I feel like I am surrounded by positive people and have people to turn to for counselling, support and prayers. Its kinda like I have found my home, after running around in 12 step recovery and various other places (with no disrespect to any other mode of recovery or any other groups). 

 

My sleep is great and I have no dizziness. The eczema isn't the best but it is relatively under control with the assistance of the kinesiologist, clean(ish) food and supplements and anti-histamines for emergencies.

 

Work is going great and I continue to be promoted etc...

 

The next thing remains the baby thing. I have decided to go the IVF route and that comes with alot of challenges emotionally and physically. Luckily the clinic I signed up with comes with all-you-can-eat-counselling so I am taking advantage of it. Its actually abit odd because I feel pretty stable and now I am deliberately distablising myself with trying to have a baby. But this is what I really want at the moment and I am going to go for it. I feel really sad about how much time the AD robbed me of this opportunity to have them younger, but I can only grief over the lost time and there is nothing I can do about it. I made certain choices which I actually regret now (like starting AD), but they are my choices and now I am stuck with the consequences of them. For this I feel grief. 

 

I am so grateful that I am having what is pretty much a full life post AD. I know that is pretty special and I am grateful. And I am grateful to you all for pointing me in the right direction and spurring me on this journey. 

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