Terry4949: withdrawal help

[Martina23]

Please just tell yourself you will not follow these thoughts of suicide, they will go away. For me if I feel like this helps forest -now it is so beautiful outside everything green yellow red.- so soothing. Or please do some other thing which you like. Try to survive until these thoughts disappear.

[Terry4949]

2 hours ago, Martina23 said:

Please just tell yourself you will not follow these thoughts of suicide, they will go away. For me if I feel like this helps forest -now it is so beautiful outside everything green yellow red.- so soothing. Or please do some other thing which you like. Try to survive until these thoughts disappear.

I do get out and walk my dogs , but the thoughts of not wanting to suffer this anymore are so strong , my brain feels like it is on fire , I can’t eat sleep , constant burning skin , headache , fatigue , feeling of utter hopelessness is unrelenting , 8 months off so many c/ts , I can understand why I don’t want to do this anymore , 

[Plshelp]

On 17/10/2017 at 8:44 PM, Terry4949 said:

Really struggling again with this at the moment , have been here before and was hospitalised for 3 months can’t do it again , so sorry 

 

What can't you do again Terry? 

 

I am also feeling quite damaged and full of despondency. Idk if I'm going to recover. Everyday is miserable. I'm trying to hold on, but I'm at the end of my rope. 

 

And what's really messed up - I would like to die in my sleep, but I can't force myself to commit the act. I'm stuck in an eternal hell. 

Moderator note: +moved from topic "Help for Desperate or Suicidal"   The best places for these discussions are in Intro threads.

Edited October 29, 2017 by JanCarol

[brassmonkey]

Hi Terry-- I sorry to read that you're struggling so badly. Would you be open to the idea of a small reinstatement? I've asked the other mods for their ideas on trying that, let's see what they come up with.

 

 Hang in there.

 

Brass

[bubble]

On 05/08/2017 at 11:39 PM, Altostrata said:

Terry, do you have any lamotrigine tablets left?

 

Lamotrigine is a very tricky drug. Often a lower dose works better than a higher dose. It could be that you would feel some relief at 2.5mg where a higher dosage didn't do anything.

 

Monica was on high doses of several drugs. She blamed some of her withdrawal syndrome on lamotrigine, but those symptoms might have been caused by any of the drugs or the cumulative effect of coming off a combination of them.

 

Lamotrigine does require tapering to go off, but it is not a particularly malicious drug.

Alto suggested this over two months ago.

 

But Terry said doctors wouldn't prescribe anything... i would still think if somebody goes around and visits a few doctors saying that a certain drug helped somebody would be willing to prescribe.

[Terry4949]

On 18/10/2017 at 3:37 AM, Plshelp said:

What can't you do again Terry? 

 

I am also feeling quite damaged and full of despondency. Idk if I'm going to recover. Everyday is miserable. I'm trying to hold on, but I'm at the end of my rope. 

 

And what's really messed up - I would like to die in my sleep, but I can't force myself to commit the act. I'm stuck in an eternal hell. 

I feel your pain , I just can’t live like this anymore  so much suffering and sadness , I feel so ill , my brain hurts I just want it to go away

 

Moderator Note:  +moved from topic, "Help for Desperate or Suicidal."  Please keep personal discussions in personal threads.

Edited October 29, 2017 by JanCarol

[Terry4949]

14 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Hi Terry-- I sorry to read that you're struggling so badly. Would you be open to the idea of a small reinstatement? I've asked the other mods for their ideas on trying that, let's see what they come up with.

 

 Hang in there.

 

Brass

What could I possibly reinstate , in the last 16 months I have had citalopram , quetiapine , mirtazapine , flouxetine pregabalin and also lamotrigine, all of these stopped by c/ t more or less , I felt no better on them if anything worse , I was on 50 mg of lamotrigine and it didn’t help , my doctor wants me to start dosulepin , or amitriptylin as he said the suffering is to intense now and fears for my safety , 

 

[ChessieCat]

2 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

What could I possibly reinstate

 

16 hours ago, bubble said:

On 8/6/2017 at 7:39 AM, Altostrata said:

Terry, do you have any lamotrigine tablets left?

 

Lamotrigine is a very tricky drug. Often a lower dose works better than a higher dose. It could be that you would feel some relief at 2.5mg (two point five mg) where a higher dosage didn't do anything.

 

Monica was on high doses of several drugs. She blamed some of her withdrawal syndrome on lamotrigine, but those symptoms might have been caused by any of the drugs or the cumulative effect of coming off a combination of them.

 

Lamotrigine does require tapering to go off, but it is not a particularly malicious drug.

Alto suggested this over two months ago.

 

But Terry said doctors wouldn't prescribe anything... i would still think if somebody goes around and visits a few doctors saying that a certain drug helped somebody would be willing to prescribe.

 

[bubble]

That's exactly what I wrote to him.

 

My impression is he just didn't want to RI so was just finding excuses...

[Terry4949]

1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

 

 

The thing is I started low on lamotrigine 2.5 mg and went up over a month  to 15mg but I felt nothing , the emptiness and emotional depression is unbearable , the doctors won’t give me anything I have had before , I have seen 5 different doctors now and they all say the same , I have explained what I no is happening but they don’t listen , they all say the same , the drugs are long out of your system now you no the b/s , the only way they think I can resolve the depression is to take another a/d , either amitryptiline or dolusepin. Don’t no if I can survive this anymore , getting told that introducing news meds will have no effect , or being forced by doctors that it is the only way to get better , 

 

[Martina23]

21 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

I do get out and walk my dogs , but the thoughts of not wanting to suffer this anymore are so strong , my brain feels like it is on fire , I can’t eat sleep , constant burning skin , headache , fatigue , feeling of utter hopelessness is unrelenting , 8 months off so many c/ts , I can understand why I don’t want to do this anymore , 

No, I understand you too. I was feeling similarly when I was off for one year and the dentist gave me this carbocaine and all the symptoms flared 100 times as they were. I was also sure at that moment that if it doesnt go away quickly I will not endure it. It was terrible. I know what you feel. The problem is when you do something yourself, there is no way back. And I believe all these things are temporary. So it would be a waste of your life to end it when it will get better. Try to distract in all possible ways, speak with the people that support you and if it will be totally unbearable than you have to go to the hospital. The goal is to stay alive at the moment. One day you will feel well, I am sure of it.

[bubble]

2 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

I have explained what I no is happening but they don’t listen , they all say the same

 

This is the mistake you are making and why you can't get the drug: doctors don't know about WD and we are not in the situation to educate them.

 

If you want them to prescribe something to reinstate you just say you are not doing well and that that drug helped you so you want to take it again.

 

You don't explain what you know is happening. To them it just means that the drugs you were taking didn't work so they will want to try out something else. They treat them as antibiotics!

 

Did you read the thread on how to talk to a doctor?

2 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

The thing is I started low on lamotrigine 2.5 mg and went up over a month  to 15mg but I felt nothing

When did you do that?

 

The fact you didn't feel anything is actually a good sign that there were no adverse reaction and that you could be open for RI...

[Terry4949]

2 hours ago, bubble said:

 

This is the mistake you are making and why you can't get the drug: doctors don't know about WD and we are not in the situation to educate them.

 

If you want them to prescribe something to reinstate you just say you are not doing well and that that drug helped you so you want to take it again.

 

You don't explain what you know is happening. To them it just means that the drugs you were taking didn't work so they will want to try out something else. They treat them as antibiotics!

 

Did you read the thread on how to talk to a doctor?

When did you do that?

 

The fact you didn't feel anything is actually a good sign that there were no adverse reaction and that you could be open for RI...

When I say I didn’t feel anything it was because every physical and mental symptom was and still is at its worse , I took it a found no calming or any change in any symptoms my body was and is so sensitive like I am on fire , there basically was no change after taking it for a month , so it was stopped , I wouldn’t no if I had a adverse reaction because the physical symptoms were so intense I would not know how to tell , I have been today to see the doctor and said I would like to try it again but he said no , he wants me to start amytrptiline to help with the nerve pain and help with the sleep and headaches , he was not prepared to go any further . It seems that you are dammed what ever path you take , suffer off meds in hope you recover , if you can live that long , or risk making things worse if you add anything , the doctors that I see I think are all getting fed up with me as I won’t take the medication , the one I saw tonight said that there was no point in me making appointments to see him if I won’t let him treat me or I won’t take meds , even though I told him I am feeling suicidal, they don’t understand what’s happening they don’t want to listen , 

[bubble]

But really Terry, what do you expect them to do or say?

[Martina23]

23 minutes ago, Terry4949 said:

When I say I didn’t feel anything it was because every physical and mental symptom was and still is at its worse , I took it a found no calming or any change in any symptoms my body was and is so sensitive like I am on fire , there basically was no change after taking it for a month , so it was stopped , I wouldn’t no if I had a adverse reaction because the physical symptoms were so intense I would not know how to tell , I have been today to see the doctor and said I would like to try it again but he said no , he wants me to start amytrptiline to help with the nerve pain and help with the sleep and headaches , he was not prepared to go any further . It seems that you are dammed what ever path you take , suffer off meds in hope you recover , if you can live that long , or risk making things worse if you add anything , the doctors that I see I think are all getting fed up with me as I won’t take the medication , the one I saw tonight said that there was no point in me making appointments to see him if I won’t let him treat me or I won’t take meds , even though I told him I am feeling suicidal, they don’t understand what’s happening they don’t want to listen , 

The problem is they dont recognize any withdrawal syndrom and always think everything is a relapse and want to give only more medication even if some of us are hypersensitive to any medication when in withdrawal. I am hypersensitive and any new medication now could virtually kill me. I understand you Terry, maybe you are already also in tolerance but before you make suicide everything is better. If you can not manage to endure it without drugs until it disappears, then it is better to take some meds than to die. But you have to know what is better for you. The best naturally is to survive and endure it without drugs.

[bhasski]

Terry,

I have been reading your updates and feel sorry for how you feel.

 

I know you feeling intense withdrawal. I have been in such a state for very long.

 

I want you to try curcumin(turmeric content) and some honey after it. Try give it a shot ..  have a capsule or tablet( any form) on empty stomach in the morning.

 

If nothing much, it will help with inflammation n body aches and pain. 

 

Give it 10 days or more ...

[Terry4949]

1 hour ago, bubble said:

But really Terry, what do you expect them to do or say?

 

1 hour ago, bubble said:

But really Terry, what do you expect them to do or say?

They put me in this situation they have e responsibility , when I decide to go and jump in front of a train because that is how I feel , they can go and explain to my children that it wasn’t the drugs they gave me , so what your saying is bubble no one should go to a doctor who is in withdrawel just try and tough it out , sometimes people can’t and then it’s to late , at least some doctors do show that they care 

[Martina23]

Terry, you can try also MSM, it is not a drug, it is a food supplement and for me it helped when I had PGAD, it makes you more relaxed. Maybe you try it.

 

And dont think the doctors would tell your children that you died on drugs and they were responsible, they would deny it immediately, you have to get up and fight it out that they were guilty, I know it, I am going through it now

[bubble]

1 hour ago, Terry4949 said:

bubble no one should go to a doctor who is in withdrawel j

Of course I'm not saying that. I was really asking because it is important to understand what we want and what we can realistically get.

 

1 hour ago, Terry4949 said:

They put me in this situation they have e responsibility

That's how things should work but the sad reality is they don't.

 

And since you are not happy with the solutions they offer it seems you have an idea of what they could do to make things better for you. So I was really curious.

Edited October 18, 2017 by bubble

[Altostrata]

Terry, lamotrigine reduces nervous system reactivity. People have different tolerances. When a person is hypersensitive, a very low dosage often works better than a higher dosage.

 

Given your symptoms, that's my best guess. It does not sound like you gave a low dosage enough of a chance. A month is not nearly long enough.

 

Lamotrigine is not an antidepressant, it helps your nervous system settle down. If you have emotional anesthesia from going on and off psychiatric drugs, there's no pill that can fix it that I know of. People who have experienced this, myself included, find it very, very gradually lifts as the nervous system heals. The nervous system has to settle down first, though.

 

You seem to have a lot of resistance to taking charge of this yourself. I agree, doctors should take responsibility to fix their errors but they don't, and where does that leave you? This site exists because patients have found they need to take care of themselves when it comes to going off psychiatric drugs and recovering from their adverse effects.

 

We don't tell people to "tough it out." We have hundreds of topics in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum about taking care of yourself to cope with symptoms. We provide support here for that. What we can't do is give you a formula that will instantly set you right, sorry.

[Terry4949]

15 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Terry, lamotrigine reduces nervous system reactivity. People have different tolerances. When a person is hypersensitive, a very low dosage often works better than a higher dosage.

 

Given your symptoms, that's my best guess. It does not sound like you gave a low dosage enough of a chance. A month is not nearly long enough.

 

Lamotrigine is not an antidepressant, it helps your nervous system settle down. If you have emotional anesthesia from going on and off psychiatric drugs, there's no pill that can fix it that I know of. People who have experienced this, myself included, find it very, very gradually lifts as the nervous system heals. The nervous system has to settle down first, though.

 

You seem to have a lot of resistance to taking charge of this yourself. I agree, doctors should take responsibility to fix their errors but they don't, and where does that leave you? This site exists because patients have found they need to take care of themselves when it comes to going off psychiatric drugs and recovering from their adverse effects.

 

We don't tell people to "tough it out." We have hundreds of topics in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum about taking care of yourself to cope with symptoms. We provide support here for that. What we can't do is give you a formula that will instantly set you right, sorry.

I appreciate that alto and thanks for your reply , the thing is I am one of the few on here that have been c/t of basically 6 meds over a twelve month period while my body was in withdrawel from venalaxafine, I have had  citalopram for 6 months just stopped , quetiapine 4 weeks just stopped , mirt and pregabalin 12 months just stopped , flouxetine 6 weeks just stopped , lamotrigine 4 weeks just stopped , so I am probably in w/d from all these drugs , reinstatement of which drug is not possible , I think that my body is going to take a long time to heal , some people go through hell from just withdrawing from one drug but my withdrawel consists of multiple drugs , I know I can’t change what has been done but , from the moment I open my eyes my body burns , my face my hands my feet , the physical torture outways the depression, I asked yesterday for lamotrigine but I was told no , that I had been giving it and it didn’t work then so I can’t have it again , the only thing they will offer me is amitryptiline, to help with the neuropathic symptoms , I don’t want anymore drugs but I can’t live like this much longer , my family are lost they understand what is happening but for 4 years of no improvement they think that meds are the only solution, and they are slowly loosing patience with me , I don’t know if this depression is withdrawel or real depression anymore , so how do I treat it if it is , I have turned every stone to help recover,, sorry to ramble on , my sister came to the doctors with me yesterday , she was on amitryptiline for 3 years for migraines 50 mg a day after this time she felt she no longer needed it and came of it 2 weeks 30 mg then2 weeks 10 mg and then stopped that was 2 years ago , she had no withdrawel no nothing , she is fine , it’s strange how people can come of fine yet some like us are so damaged ,

[Altostrata]

That may all be true, Terry. 

 

Whether you want to try a bit of lamotrigine is up to you. As I said, that's my best guess. Other than that, we don't have any formulas to fix you up, so we don't know how to answer your posts.

[UnfoldingSky]

Hi Terry, I just wanted to say I was really moved by your post about what was being done about research, and that I'm pulling for you. I had such terrible symptoms like you describe and though it is such agony to go through it honestly can get better.  It is touching that at the heart of your suffering you are still concerned for what is happening to others too. 

[UnfoldingSky]

Terry someone I know had a very terrible experience of psychiatry where he was put on almost every drug going, over a very long period of time, and though I'd not adivse anyone do this, he frequently cold turkeyed pills, maybe more than you have even, not knowing it was dangerous to do, and over time he managed a fairly stunning partial recovery.  (I eventually lost contact with him so don't know what occurred later on.)

[Terry4949]

10 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

That may all be true, Terry. 

 

Whether you want to try a bit of lamotrigine is up to you. As I said, that's my best guess. Other than that, we don't have any formulas to fix you up, so we don't know how to answer your posts.

Thanks alto , I know you don’t have the formulas to fix people , this is a wonderful site and is of great comfort and help with a wonderful wealth of knowledge to help people withdraw safely from their medication , many come on here in a good place and go slow and leave unharmed and all credit to you for that , but for people like me who have been slaughtered by the medical profession who come on here in full protracted withdrawel I get frustrated , trying everything in my power to find just a crumb of relief , I wish I had had the chance to do a slow withdrawel that has been taken away from me , I apologise if I seem angry or rude , I know we would all like a quick fix , acceptance can be very hard when there is no healing 

 

[Altostrata]

On the contrary, many people come here very distraught and ill. And many leave because we don't have easy solutions. But some stay, take care of themselves, help others, and recover.

[Terry4949]

7 minutes ago, UnfoldingSky said:

Terry someone I know had a very terrible experience of psychiatry where he was put on almost every drug going, over a very long period of time, and though I'd not adivse anyone do this, he frequently cold turkeyed pills, maybe more than you have even, not knowing it was dangerous to do, and over time he managed a fairly stunning partial recovery.  (I eventually lost contact with him so don't know what occurred later on.)

Thankyou for your reply unfoldingsky , I wish everyone who is going through this awfull journey a speedy recovery and I wish I could make everyone better , I have lost my faith I think that I will not recover as everyday my physical symptoms get worse , my face is now starting to burn and tinnitus has begun new problems after 8 months of , I find it hard to do anything so unwell , yet I watch life go on all around me , I miss being and enjoying my family taking part in what they are doing , not being able to raise a smile , I can’t work so I don’t get paid , maybe I will recover but at what cost when everyone around you is slowly giving up on you 

[UnfoldingSky]

I know I don't know you Terry but I don't want to see anything bad happen to you.   I know it's so desperately hard, and to see others enjoying life reasonably okay and you are not hurts tremendously.  I know the lost time can't be made up for, however, once you start to see those glimmers of healing you realize there is so much beauty in the world that you appreciate more than if this had not happened.  It is worth it to keep going.  And people here seem to be rallying for you too, not walking away.  Remember this situation sometimes make you view things in a way that is not accurate, now I don't know your family but they may just be frustrated, as it's hard to fathom how bad this is if you don't live it.  Been there with my family too.  But I doubt they want to see harm come to you.

 

 I also had many times where I had no belief I would recover, and found you can even survive those deep dark times when there seems no hope at all.  I had a bad period I remember where I was upset over losing contact with my friend, family didn't seem to have sympathy,  and just hitting bottom thinking how can I go on, losing so much...with what seemed no hope in sight of ever getting better.  Those times the only thing I could find was just surviving, and waiting.  But hope too can return as well.  Or sometimes I clung to the idea that when I got better I could try to help others who were harmed too. Other times it was imagining what I might do when better.  Whatever gets you through that won't hurt more.  You are obviously a  caring person who I am sure has much to give the world still and your loss would register I'm sure in ways that you can't see now.  Plus down the road they could find something that does help fix the situation faster, so even when there seems no hope we can't see for sure what is coming. 

 

[powerback]

Hi terry its just a disgrace what's happened to you .I'm getting fed up myself especially my moods so I isolate myself from family and friends ,humans are not equipped to deal with people like me in such moods .I'm trying to find an Airbnb for next week to give everyone a rest and break from this .

Have you heard of Luke Montagu.get in touch with him and pass on your posts .this needs attention ,you mite find a little solace when your  situation is validated ,doctors cant keep getting away with there ignorance .

 

http://cepuk.org/contact-us/

This is the website he set up ,he was bed ridden because of doctors ignorance and had a successful prosecution .

total respect 

PB

[Terry4949]

4 hours ago, Altostrata said:

On the contrary, many people come here very distraught and ill. And many leave because we don't have easy solutions. But some stay, take care of themselves, help others, and recover.

I would like nothing more than everyone to recover alto that’s a fact , this misery that has been inflicted on us is inhuman , I also believe that not only am I going through a withdrawel ffrom hell , but I have had a toxic reaction to one of the medications , even now after 8 months of all I can taste is a metal , i have witness the sickness that many members have struggled with on this forum after reading their posts of the last few years and have nothing but admiration for them , the bravest of the brave in my mind , I know yourself have had many years struggling , are you fully healed now alto , 

[Terry4949]

On 20/10/2017 at 4:48 AM, Plshelp said:

 

How about you try living in my body and then we'll see how cheery and positive you'll be about life? (Mod Note:  Please see the next post)

 

I used to value my life so much before I was misdiagnosed and forced to take antipsychotics against my will. Now my brain is damaged severely and can barely function. I can't feel any love or positive emotions. It's like I'm dead inside and my brain is trying to kill me. 

 

I used to be a highly successful functioning individual. I worked as a medical laboratory technologist in Microbiology. Now I can barely function daily and trying to get thru the day with my screwed up circadian rhythm and altered perception of time, where one day feels like an entire week is just pitiful. I was overly emotional and suffering ptsd. 

 

I feel your pain , this is exactly how I feel , i to was a happy working man ,lovely family etc , now I sit with no emotions ,don’t want to talk to anyone , dead inside , I have lost everything , my memory is getting worse day by day , I feel so sick

 

Moderator note:  +moved from "Help for Desperate or Suicidal."  Please keep personal discussions in personal threads.  For other members of this discussion, please see:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/11224-roxyrich-adverse-reaction-to-prozac and http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/14663-plshelp-olanzapine-5mg

 

Edited October 29, 2017 by JanCarol
clean up help thread.

[Terry4949]

I am so sorry but I can’t take this crippling depression anymore , I am in such a bad shape , constant depression suicidel thoughts all day , 8 months of and in 20 years I have never felt anything like this , I’m afraid I am going to have to take a chance and take another med , before it’s to late , I have been researching suicide all day that’s how bad things are , I am not going back in hospital , everyday it gets worse , sorry to let everyone down , I know it’s a crap shoot but I won’t live much longer , 

[virgo43]

Terry brother how are u today? Just wanted to say helllo

[Martina23]

Terry, if it is that bad, then it is better if you take some med which you had positive experiences in the past with rather than to commit suicide. Did you try this MSM? It is a supplement not medicament.

[UnfoldingSky]

Terry just wished to say I was thinking of you, and wondering if you have tried omega threes?  I was not able to handle fish oil, but upped the amount of omega threes I got through diet and I believe it helped a little with some symptoms, and probably helped recover faster.  They are said to be helpful for depression, and should theoretically be helpful for us, though some can't tolerate supplements. Not sure if you are one of the people who can't. But upping them through food surely would be worth a try, as long as you are not allergic to the foods then it should be safe enough.

 

 

 

 

[Terry4949]

How can anything like this be called a wave , for nearly the last 3 weeks I have just about managed to keep myself alive , with the most severe suicidel depression that I have ever known , I can barely speak , walk talk , and can’t sleep , the darkness consumes me in a way that I can’t think anything but death is the only way out , I have to believe this is a wave but I have never had a window , when there is no light and all you see is darkness , isolation and pain , I walked my dogs today around a field and I can’t remember doing it I was so consumed with depression , it’s only that someone phoned me and said they had seen me out with the dogs , the emptiness is unbearable ,  9 months drug free and 100 times worse than before ,