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Terry4949

Terry4949: Withdrawal help

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Petunia

Hi Terry, I'm sorry you are having this symptom now, I've experienced it too and know how awful it can be. Here is our akathisia topic, where members are describing their experiences and ways of coping. Others have had a delayed reaction of this symptom too. As with other withdrawal symptoms, it goes away by itself over time.

 

Akathisia vs restlessness, anxiety, agitation

Edited by Altostrata
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Altostrata

Terry, you may also be interested in

 

Weighted blankets & Bed Tents for restlessness, akathisia, insomnia and anxiety

 

Blog: My Akathisia Experience by akathisiainfo contains many reports of drug-induced akathisia and recovery from it

 

Akathisia survivors?

 

 

Benzodizepines are prescribed for akathisia but they have the drawback of being addictive and needing tapering to go off. It's best to see if you can cope with it using non-drug means. If you go to the hospital, it's very possible they'll give you anti-psychotics rather than benzodiazepines.

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Terry4949

I am having such a bad time now , suicidel thoughts have been with me for a good twelve months , I am 10 months out on a c/t of a few drugs , 4 years of utter hell and I cannot do it anymore , if I tell my doctor they will stick me in a hospital and the process will start all over again poly drugged , everything is so wrong the suffering is so unbearable each day Suicide feels so much easier , I can’t sleep eat work , I don’t get paid can’t claim benifits because protracted withdrawel isn’t recongnised and because I’m not taking any medication that acts against me , the apathy anhendonia is worse than the depression , my wife and children are suffering as it has stopped them living a life , my wife watches me suffer and said to me that she loves me but if I would die in my sleep she would know I am at peace . recovery comes to some I don’t diss believe but it’s not possible to fight this feelings everyday and have hope I have none things are so much worse now than ever , my life is over the thing is when I am gone this will be put down to he had depression , nobody will ever no it was the drugs that actually caused it , that’s why there is no hope I’m sorry for this sad post but my mind has other ideas 

 

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Martina23
15 minutes ago, Terry4949 said:

I am having such a bad time now , suicidel thoughts have been with me for a good twelve months , I am 10 months out on a c/t of a few drugs , 4 years of utter hell and I cannot do it anymore , if I tell my doctor they will stick me in a hospital and the process will start all over again poly drugged , everything is so wrong the suffering is so unbearable each day Suicide feels so much easier , I can’t sleep eat work , I don’t get paid can’t claim benifits because protracted withdrawel isn’t recongnised and because I’m not taking any medication that acts against me , the apathy anhendonia is worse than the depression , my wife and children are suffering as it has stopped them living a life , my wife watches me suffer and said to me that she loves me but if I would die in my sleep she would know I am at peace . recovery comes to some I don’t diss believe but it’s not possible to fight this feelings everyday and have hope I have none things are so much worse now than ever , my life is over the thing is when I am gone this will be put down to he had depression , nobody will ever no it was the drugs that actually caused it , that’s why there is no hope I’m sorry for this sad post but my mind has other ideas 

 

Terry, then write about what the medications caused you a book. Then you have at least some evidence what you suffered through and then the doctors can not shove it as that you had depression. You have to fight. Not give up. That is what greedy doctors and pharma companies want. The people who give up.  Please relax. Make yourself a glass of cocoa. Go with your dog to the forest for a walk. Try to self-soothe. Buy some paper, a few pens and start writing the book about your withdrawal. You have so much advantage before me. You are a native speaker in English. You can show the tragedy of what we are going through really in beautiful light.

 

I still hope that the withdrawal will disappear. If it is withdrawal, it will surely get better. But one year out it is still too soon. I started to see big progress at 1 - 1,5 year out. And if you can not hold on, then you have to go to the hospital. Suicide is not an option. You could lose so much what you can have later, you would lose the whole your life with suicide. Please dont consider it.

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Terry4949
17 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

Terry, then write about what the medications caused you a book. Then you have at least some evidence what you suffered through and then the doctors can not shove it as that you had depression. You have to fight. Not give up. That is what greedy doctors and pharma companies want. The people who give up.  Please relax. Make yourself a glass of cocoa. Go with your dog to the forest for a walk. Try to self-soothe. Buy some paper, a few pens and start writing the book about your withdrawal. You have so much advantage before me. You are a native speaker in English. You can show the tragedy of what we are going through really in beautiful light.

 

I still hope that the withdrawal will disappear. If it is withdrawal, it will surely get better. But one year out it is still too soon. I started to see big progress at 1 - 1,5 year out. And if you can not hold on, then you have to go to the hospital. Suicide is not an option. You could lose so much what you can have later, you would lose the whole your life with suicide. Please dont consider it.

Thankyou for your reply I have thought about writing my story but I just don’t have any motivation the whole 4 years have taken their toll on me I am a broken man who just wants peace from it all now , the weather here in the uk is very poor wet and cold so it’s not going out weather but to be honest I struggle to drag myself down the garden , I saw the doctor yesterday and they want to give me lithium he didn’t want to know about all this protracted withdrawel he said you have been of 10 months now that should be over you need meds , I’m fed up with trying everything just want to close my eyes 

 

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Martina23
2 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

Thankyou for your reply I have thought about writing my story but I just don’t have any motivation the whole 4 years have taken their toll on me I am a broken man who just wants peace from it all now , the weather here in the uk is very poor wet and cold so it’s not going out weather but to be honest I struggle to drag myself down the garden , I saw the doctor yesterday and they want to give me lithium he didn’t want to know about all this protracted withdrawel he said you have been of 10 months now that should be over you need meds , I’m fed up with trying everything just want to close my eyes 

 

It is awful that you feel suicidal already for so many months. I think, your body could start already to do something. The worst is this your lack of motivation. Because if you would do something, it could distract you and you would be able to hold longer. Terry, I know it sounds awful but you really do have only two possibilities: either you would survive it without meds until you heal or you must go to the hospital, there is no other option, suicide is not an option, you must do something that makes you happy, this would help you to survive this awful time, when you are just laying on the couch, it only contributes to your hopelessness, if it is withdrawal it will disappear.

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powerback

Hi terry so sorry your so sick at the moment , ,when I'm bad I exhaust my laptop for distraction and inspiration  .do you listen to music .[I'm an omnivore myself when it comes to music ] I often put music to lift depression into YouTube ,last night it was movies .

Keep trying terry and never give up because your worth it and don't listen to that depression its not you .,and don't judge yourself harshly .

respect.

PB 

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Terry4949

I think the endless c/ t by the medical profession have made it so hard for me I never had the chance to withdraw slowly with holds , I was in a bad way long before they stopped my meds but then just to stop them the way they did is cruel my body has been shocked at least if you withdraw slowly and hit a bad spell you can hold or up dose , that was taken from me , sorry nice then I have been plagued with suicidel thoughts  can’t take no more of them and this hell

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powerback

please find some distraction tonight terry ,I'm the biggest critic of doctors and there b*llsh*t ,we have to drop  constant thinking of harm done to us  while very sick and revisit it at a later time .

respect to you terry .

PB

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Downbutnotout

Oh Terry, I’m sorry. This is not a good thing. Here are the suggestions my counselor gave me today. I wrote them down. 1, What;s something good I can do for my husband (wife) today, 2, Move forward, put your anger in the rear view mirror. 3.Make a gratitude list. 4, Don’t talk about suicide, your reinforcing this in your neural pathways.Talk about it as a gift of life. 5. Say you want to be better. Pay attention to what you’re doing.  Do the meditation, distract yourself. That cost me 25.00. And I gave it to you for free!  

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Martina23
2 hours ago, powerback said:

Keep trying terry and never give up because your worth it and don't listen to that depression its not you .,and don't judge yourself harshly .

respect.

PB 

Terry, Powerback told you it so nicely, never give up because you are worth it, isnt it nice? Dont you feel now more motivation to survive and fight?

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RealMe
2 hours ago, Downbutnotout said:

Oh Terry, I’m sorry. This is not a good thing. Here are the suggestions my counselor gave me today. I wrote them down. 1, What;s something good I can do for my husband (wife) today, 2, Move forward, put your anger in the rear view mirror. 3.Make a gratitude list. 4, Don’t talk about suicide, your reinforcing this in your neural pathways.Talk about it as a gift of life. 5. Say you want to be better. Pay attention to what you’re doing.  Do the meditation, distract yourself. That cost me 25.00. And I gave it to you for free!  

Good suggestions.  Thank you, Downbutnotout!  I aspire to that positivity!

Best,

RealMe

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RealMe
9 hours ago, Martina23 said:
 

I am having such a bad time now , suicidel thoughts have been with me for a good twelve months , I am 10 months out on a c/t of a few drugs ,

Dear Terry4949,

So sorry you are experiencing so much suffering.  I know it takes a long time to recover from withdrawal, and in my experience cold turkey makes it even more difficult.  C/t of more than one drug must amplify the symptoms even more.  I hope you keep posting about how you are feeling and that members' suggestions will strengthen you during this difficult time.  Please have hope because so many have come through this terrible ordeal and share their success stories.  You are not alone.

Best wishes for hope and healing,

RealMe

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DrugfreeProf

Terry, DON'T give up. The nature of this withdrawal illness is that it makes you believe all sorts of insane things, including, especially, that you will never get better. You WILL get better. Everything changes and passes--all of life--including this. Things could change for you at any moment, and you could turn a corner. Just because it hasn't happened YET does not mean it won't happen! Notice all of the love and support you are getting from people on this board. Now, THAT is real! Your dark thoughts are not. I sympathize, I understand why you have them, but they are LIES. Don't let them make you do something that is foolish and self-destructive. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."  All so true.

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Callie

Terry,

 

I've been thinking about you all day. You are a strong person and a fighter. Keep at it. You've come a long way, and you'll make it through this.

 

Callie

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brassmonkey

Terry-- a bad wave is a very bleak, depressing and lonely place.  It seems like there is no way out, but they ALWAYS subside and leave a person with a clearer vision.  All these members have give you some very excellent suggestions and support.  Please try to relax as best as you can and let the wave pass.  If you are so desperate that you think you might harm yourself please get face to face help from the people around you.  You don't have to go to the hospital, call and talk to a local  help line, they are experts at this.  We really want you to take care of your self.

 

Brassmonkey

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manymoretodays

Hi Terry, 

Yes some excellent ideas, and a ton of caring for you here.  We've had the weather as well.........do you have any artificial sunlight type thing you can do or try?  Lot's of hugs from your wife and kids? ........as tolerated of course.

 

And yes, I remember the same..........I used to imagine all these people just carrying me along, keeping me going sometimes...........it does get better, always........

 

And do call, as brassmonkey said.......a help line or other, the experts so to speak.  Take no action other than that.....as far as your thoughts go...........

 

Best and hugs,

mmt

 

 

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Martina23

Terry, how are you today? Is it already better?

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Terry4949
3 minutes ago, Martina23 said:

Terry, how are you today? Is it already better?

Hi martina23 still struggling got up this morning and went out over the fields with my dogs I am not going to lie it has been very tough again to day keep getting thoughts of ending it all but trying to resist I am not going to the hospital though no way hoping tomorrow is better , thanks for asking 

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Martina23
Just now, Terry4949 said:

Hi martina23 still struggling got up this morning and went out over the fields with my dogs I am not going to lie it has been very tough again to day keep getting thoughts of ending it all but trying to resist I am not going to the hospital though no way hoping tomorrow is better , thanks for asking 

But at least you sound better, I was happy that so many people supported you yesterday. Everything will be ok, you will see.

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manymoretodays

Hi Terry,

What I was referring to above was to have you call a helpline of some sort.  Of course calling your Dr. is also an option right now.

 

Here is our link:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/7619-for-those-who-are-feeling-desperate-or-suicidal/

 

You may be able to find someone to talk more with......  within it.  Is Bedfordshire in the UK?  I believe there are some phone numbers listed that you could call.

Ground level support.  Helplines are there to help, as are Good Samaritans, etc.  I am not familiar with Bedfordshire.

 

Do keep us updated, when you can.  Yesterday I think you felt a bit better later on.

 

And ((((((hugs))))

 

Best,

mmt

 

Edited by manymoretodays

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brassmonkey

Terry-- yes we are a forum about getting off of drugs, but we are also a forum about doing what need to be done to survive.  If that requires going back on a drug or starting a new one then that is what need to be done.  The strength is not in resisting, but rather in making a choice to survive and going for it. We will think no less of you for for it. Please get the face to face help that you require right now.  The consequences can be sorted out later.

 

Brass

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Altostrata

Terry, we discussed lamotrigine in October.

 

On 10/18/2017 at 11:03 PM, Altostrata said:

Terry, lamotrigine reduces nervous system reactivity. People have different tolerances. When a person is hypersensitive, a very low dosage often works better than a higher dosage.

 

Given your symptoms, that's my best guess. It does not sound like you gave a low dosage enough of a chance. A month is not nearly long enough.

 

Lamotrigine is not an antidepressant, it helps your nervous system settle down. If you have emotional anesthesia from going on and off psychiatric drugs, there's no pill that can fix it that I know of. People who have experienced this, myself included, find it very, very gradually lifts as the nervous system heals. The nervous system has to settle down first, though.

 

You seem to have a lot of resistance to taking charge of this yourself. I agree, doctors should take responsibility to fix their errors but they don't, and where does that leave you? This site exists because patients have found they need to take care of themselves when it comes to going off psychiatric drugs and recovering from their adverse effects.

 

We don't tell people to "tough it out." We have hundreds of topics in the Symptoms and Self-Care forum about taking care of yourself to cope with symptoms. We provide support here for that. What we can't do is give you a formula that will instantly set you right, sorry.

 

On 10/18/2017 at 11:44 PM, Terry4949 said:

I appreciate that alto and thanks for your reply , the thing is I am one of the few on here that have been c/t of basically 6 meds over a twelve month period while my body was in withdrawel from venalaxafine, I have had  citalopram for 6 months just stopped , quetiapine 4 weeks just stopped , mirt and pregabalin 12 months just stopped , flouxetine 6 weeks just stopped , lamotrigine 4 weeks just stopped , so I am probably in w/d from all these drugs , reinstatement of which drug is not possible , I think that my body is going to take a long time to heal , some people go through hell from just withdrawing from one drug but my withdrawel consists of multiple drugs , I know I can’t change what has been done but , from the moment I open my eyes my body burns , my face my hands my feet , the physical torture outways the depression, I asked yesterday for lamotrigine but I was told no , that I had been giving it and it didn’t work then so I can’t have it again , the only thing they will offer me is amitryptiline, to help with the neuropathic symptoms , I don’t want anymore drugs but I can’t live like this much longer , my family are lost they understand what is happening but for 4 years of no improvement they think that meds are the only solution, and they are slowly loosing patience with me , I don’t know if this depression is withdrawel or real depression anymore , so how do I treat it if it is , I have turned every stone to help recover,, sorry to ramble on , my sister came to the doctors with me yesterday , she was on amitryptiline for 3 years for migraines 50 mg a day after this time she felt she no longer needed it and came of it 2 weeks 30 mg then2 weeks 10 mg and then stopped that was 2 years ago , she had no withdrawel no nothing , she is fine , it’s strange how people can come of fine yet some like us are so damaged ,

 

You could either campaign for a little lamotrigine, 5mg to start, or as a last resort, very low-dose amitriptyline, which Dr. David Healy has used. Have you contacted Dr. Healy in Wales?

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Terry4949
9 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Terry, we discussed lamotrigine in October.

 

 

 

You could either campaign for a little lamotrigine, 5mg to start, or as a last resort, very low-dose amitriptyline, which Dr. David Healy has used. Have you contacted Dr. Healy in Wales?

Thanks alto I tried lamotrigine for about 6 weeks found no improvement , not sure about amitriptyline I’m worried it will be to activating , how do I contact dr David Healy he is in Wales 400 miles from where I live I would never get a appointment and could never visit to far , 

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Martina23

400 miles it is 650 km. That is a lot, almost 7 hours by car. Doesnt he make meetings through video-conference or Skype? I think Yolanda Lucire makes meetings through Skype. But I found out now that she was banned in 2010 that she is against drugs. This made me again angry. The doctors who poison you are not banned, the other ones are. Such a justified world.

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Altostrata

Here is part of our exchange from last year:

On 8/5/2017 at 12:58 AM, Altostrata said:

Calms is good.

 

What dosage of lamotrigine were you taking? Do you have any pills left?

 

On 8/5/2017 at 1:33 AM, Terry4949 said:

It was started st 5 mg and then went up to 15 mg was on it for roughly 4 weeks but felt no benifit to be honest , doctor just stopped it , like all the other meds c/t , is it possible that now I am of 5 months I have akathesia can it just appear 5 months out , I used to be bad in the morning and did improve slightly as the day went on , now it's all day , I have got some l-theanine I might try a small bit to see if it helps calm me down , 

 

On 8/5/2017 at 2:39 PM, Altostrata said:

Terry, do you have any lamotrigine tablets left?

 

Lamotrigine is a very tricky drug. Often a lower dose works better than a higher dose. It could be that you would feel some relief at 2.5mg where a higher dosage didn't do anything.

 

Monica was on high doses of several drugs. She blamed some of her withdrawal syndrome on lamotrigine, but those symptoms might have been caused by any of the drugs or the cumulative effect of coming off a combination of them.

 

Lamotrigine does require tapering to go off, but it is not a particularly malicious drug.

 

Terry, my guess is you didn't give lamotrigine enough of a chance, you and your doctors were expecting miraculous relief instead of incremental relief, and you escalated the dosage and abandoned lamotrigine too soon.

 

Your posts here usually simultaneously express a strong demand for a drug solution and a strong aversion to a drug solution. We've advised you to try drugs carefully at low doses and avoid going on and off drugs repeatedly, yet you've made numerous precipitous changes for a year. Once you decide on a course of action, you need to find the determination to follow it through, no one else can do that for you.

 

I strongly recommend you contact Dr. Healy and figure out how to spend a little time in Wales, if that is required for him to consult on your treatment.

 

In terms of drug treatment, we can't do much for you here, it's up to the people who can prescribe drugs -- in partnership with you, that is. You need to step up on this and not passively let doctors tell you to go on and off drugs.

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Terry4949
8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Here is part of our exchange from last year:

 

 

 

Terry, my guess is you didn't give lamotrigine enough of a chance, you and your doctors were expecting miraculous relief instead of incremental relief, and you escalated the dosage and abandoned lamotrigine too soon.

 

Your posts here usually simultaneously express a strong demand for a drug solution and a strong aversion to a drug solution. We've advised you to try drugs carefully at low doses and avoid going on and off drugs repeatedly, yet you've made numerous precipitous changes for a year. Once you decide on a course of action, you need to find the determination to follow it through, no one else can do that for you.

 

I strongly recommend you contact Dr. Healy and figure out how to spend a little time in Wales, if that is required for him to consult on your treatment.

 

In terms of drug treatment, we can't do much for you here, it's up to the people who can prescribe drugs -- in partnership with you, that is. You need to step up on this and not passively let doctors tell you to go on and off drugs.

A lot of my prescription Changes  alto were forced on me wilst in hospital I don’t know wether you have ever been in side one but you don’t get a choice , also I would have taken arsenic to be honest if prescribed for me out of shear desperation to get out of this hell , when I hit tolerance from Effexor I did not know I was in protracted withdrawel and the easiest thing for me to do was try another med this complicated the matter so you are told we need to find another one that works , you know the score , if I had known the about protracted withdrawel maybe things might have been different , I am glad lamotrigine worked for you I tried it for 6 weeks and felt no change had I gave it 6 months maybe I might have felt relief there again I might not have , I have spoke to a few people that found lamotrigine no help on here yet have found help with certain medications that they are told to avoid by this forum , we are all different I know , I contacted dr David Healy he wants to recommend people to me who may be available to advice me on how to deal with this , these people who give advice are not sufferes I am living with constant suicidel thoughts that have been with me for months all through drug damage endless depression and physical symptoms and I am in hell 4 long years , no signs of getting better I am worse you can’t wonder why I think that I won’t heal . I don’t want to take another drug I really don’t but it might be the only way to survive this if I could see a bit of light then maybe I might have some hope , sorry for the long thread

 

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Martina23

Terry, Altostrata is trying to help you but you also have to try to help yourself. Because you are living in terrible discomfort, so you have to do something about. If Lamotrigine is not helping, ok but then you have to try another way how you would be able to survive these thoughts. Dont wait until you make suicide, your problem has to be solved or got under control now. That is good that you contacted Dr. Healy, it is great that he answered you (to me he never answered), so when he recommends you someone, some doctor, you just have to give it a try. If you dont want, you dont have to take medicaments, but when you speak with a doctor who knows about withdrawal, he can advise you about some talking therapy, how to get these thoughts under control. At least you would have someone in person where you can turn to when the problem is bad. Or, as Altostrata said, you may make a trip to Dr. Healy. With it you could see some other city and get some distraction, you will come under people. And see your problems in different light.

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Terry4949
1 hour ago, Martina23 said:

Terry, Altostrata is trying to help you but you also have to try to help yourself. Because you are living in terrible discomfort, so you have to do something about. If Lamotrigine is not helping, ok but then you have to try another way how you would be able to survive these thoughts. Dont wait until you make suicide, your problem has to be solved or got under control now. That is good that you contacted Dr. Healy, it is great that he answered you (to me he never answered), so when he recommends you someone, some doctor, you just have to give it a try. If you dont want, you dont have to take medicaments, but when you speak with a doctor who knows about withdrawal, he can advise you about some talking therapy, how to get these thoughts under control. At least you would have someone in person where you can turn to when the problem is bad. Or, as Altostrata said, you may make a trip to Dr. Healy. With it you could see some other city and get some distraction, you will come under people. And see your problems in different light.

Thanks martina23 but the thing is I don’t think there is anything that can be said that I don’t all ready know or havnt tried , I have read this forum from top to bottom taken in every bit of information , over the last 4 years I have done every sort of relaxation avoidance learning etc to help with withdrawel found no relief , diets supplements acupuncture cbt nothing , I have done exceptance tried to lived with it and manage as best as I can , it has taken my life , my wife my friends my family everything my interests and my job , believe me I have tried . If I told my friends and doctors I have cancer people bend over backwards to help you , if I tell people I have depression I am told you need medication and support , if I tell people that I have been harmed by meds friends and doctors think you mad even my wife doesn’t believe me she thinks I just need to find the right meds , I know dr David Healy can possibly put me in touch with people but what can they offer that’s any different that what I can find on here , this site is probably the most knowledgeable site on this , I’m sure dr David Healy dares most of his help in healing from this forum , even if I get recognition from dr Healy my doctors and I have seen many will just dismiss it , they say don’t read to much into dr Healy’s theory’s it’s not proof . I came on here in jan 2016 and now 24 months on I’m am worse I thought that I would have seen some sort of recovery by now how I am still here is a miracle, such suffering and no life for 4 long years no enjoyment my brain is tired no wonder I feel suicidel , sorry for bending your ear 

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bhasski

Terry, its terrible that u suffering.

I know how it feels loss of friends, relatives, closed ones , job and interests.

 

I am also suffering this with wdl symtoms.

 

I am also trying for 21 months to get back my life... but there is nothing that could benefit even  within a month or year. 

I dont know if you have tried Homeopathy or ayurveda... but you can look into them. I am now trying Homeopathy again a 4th time after 3 zero benefit attempts.

This time I met a person who cured his brother from brain tumor 20+ years ago.

He denied the surgery and tried homeopathy which he learned as hobby.

 

I hope he could do sth for me.

 

I  am currently taking Ignatia amara 1M a day to have my anxiety and anger under check.

Also ayurveda is sth you can look into.

 

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AliG

Terry. I was like you ~ on and off AD's ad infinitum. I never tapered but continually cold turkeyed off many drugs, over the years due to the ignorance/lack of information and knowledge of my doctors.They always convinced me that it was my "condition" returning. Of course, It was withdrawal. I didn't know that, then.  

 

I was often in a state of withdrawal. Looking back, I think I've been in withdrawal for much more than 3 years ~ it's probably more like 10 years if I add it all up. I was often "off" them, thinking I didn't need them but not knowing or realizing, that my brain had actually adapted to them and suffering withdrawal symptoms as a result of quitting C/T.

 

I had a good friend who used to say to me ~ " are you off your meds, again? ". She always talked me back into taking them, because apparently, I was unstable off them. Like a good compliant patient, who really thought she had a problem ~ back on them, I went - because even my closest friends and family thought that I badly needed them. I thought I was a lost cause who desperately needed medicating, otherwise I couldn't function normally.

 

I didn't know to taper so I have really done it fairly tough. There were times, particularly in the first few years, where I just didn't want to be around, anymore. For most of that time, I didn't even understand what was going on. I had not found SA. Once I understood the concept and got educated, there was no turning back. I got angry and determined to take my life and power back.

 

I haven't really wavered from that since ... and while it has been challenging, I have been resolute in my determination to beat both the doctors and the system. I guess that anger has helped me through this. I had SI too, but somehow got through it, mainly by focusing on my children.

 

You can do this, too. Try not to think long term ~ just day to day.  You just have to keep moving in the right direction and try and stay as positive as you can.

Ali

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Terry4949
9 minutes ago, AliG said:

Terry. I was like you ~ on and off AD's ad infinitum. I never tapered but continually cold turkeyed off many drugs, over the years due to the ignorance/lack of information and knowledge of my doctors.They always convinced me that it was my "condition" returning. Of course, It was withdrawal. I didn't know that, then.  

 

I was often in a state of withdrawal. Looking back, I think I've been in withdrawal for much more than 3 years ~ it's probably more like 10 years if I add it all up. I was often "off" them, thinking I didn't need them but not knowing or realizing, that my brain had actually adapted to them and suffering withdrawal symptoms as a result of quitting C/T.

 

I had a good friend who used to say to me ~ " are you off your meds, again? ". She always talked me back into taking them, because apparently, I was unstable off them. Like a good compliant patient, who really thought she had a problem ~ back on them, I went - because even my closest friends and family thought that I badly needed them. I thought I was a lost cause who desperately needed medicating, otherwise I couldn't function normally.

 

I didn't know to taper so I have really done it fairly tough. There were times, particularly in the first few years, where I just didn't want to be around, anymore. For most of that time, I didn't even understand what was going on. I had not found SA. Once I understood the concept and got educated, there was no turning back. I got angry and determined to take my life and power back.

 

I haven't really wavered from that since ... and while it has been challenging, I have been resolute in my determination to beat both the doctors and the system. I guess that anger has helped me through this. I had SI too, but somehow got through it, mainly by focusing on my children.

 

You can do this, too. Try not to think long term ~ just day to day.  You just have to keep moving in the right direction and try and stay as positive as you can.

Ali

Thankyou aliG how are you in recovery now did you have anhendonia this is awfull it leaves me unable to fight everything means nothing so over whelming is the emptiness it makes my days so long I keep trying believe you me but I see and feel no improvements , on March 1st it will be 1 year of all meds I was hoping for some sort of improvement but nothing yet I can’t get my head round how I’m going to do this for another year , financially I can’t survive let alone mentally , to get any help in the uk financial is so hard if you have depression , doctors put on my medical notes I am non compliant because I refuse meds so that makes things even harder , I read the success stories over and over again but I can’t feel anything no hope no feelings of encouragement it just all feels dead 

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dj2010
6 minutes ago, Terry4949 said:

 to get any help in the uk financial is so hard if you have depression , doctors put on my medical notes I am non compliant because I refuse meds so that makes things even harder , 

 

you should be able to claim PIP, I am claiming that at the moment even though I work and i am getting the higher rate, I have not told the doctors i am off my meds, you should take the meds from the doctor but just throw them in the bin and the you should apply for PIP, if you need any advice with the application process dont hesitate to ask me as I have been through it all

 

take care

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AliG

Terry. You have had many ups and downs and it really does take time to get over that. Like me, you have had many C/T's  ~ The anhedonia eventually starts to leave  as does the SI and nearly every other symptom ~ it unfortunately, takes some time.

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Altostrata

Terry, we have been around and around with this. I am very sorry you are in such distress, but to a large part, you are sabotaging yourself.

 

Your posts here seem to be for the purpose of demonstrating your situation is hopeless. This is your existential position. It probably was part of your personality before you took psychiatric drugs. You ask for solutions but always argue against them when they are presented.

 

If the end result of any conversation with you is that your situation is hopeless, I don't see any reason to participate in it. One thing that is for sure: If you insist your situation is hopeless, it will be hopeless. You are the one doing the insisting, not your doctors, not your family, not anyone here. Whether you move forward depends entirely on you.

 

One option is to see Dr. Healy. Another is to do nothing and let your nervous system heal on its own. This will be a gradual and frustrating process. If you choose this route, I strongly urge you to learn Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms  because I really do not want to see another 15 pages of self-sabotaging masochistic complaining from you here.

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