Terry4949: withdrawal help

[ChessieCat]

Hi Terry,

 

We have had quite a few members since the beginning of this year posting that they have experienced unexpected and/or worse waves and feel that there isn't anything that they have done to cause them.

 

It could well be that the Covid situation is having an effect.

 

How has the Covid situation affected you?  Change in routine?  More stress / uncertainty?  Financial issues?  Isolation?  Or cooped up in a house with others?

 

Other things to consider:

 

Have you been sick at all?

Have you had a course of antibiotics?

Have you been drinking alcohol?

Have you started drinking caffeine or more caffeine?

Have you been exercising more than usual?

 

This topic has recently been updated:

 

are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

 

 

Edited July 10, 2020 by ChessieCat

[Terry4949]

Thanks for your reply the covid situation hasn’t really bothered me my routine has been the same and I can’t think of any changes only the worsening of my head pain I have had no medications and no alcohol I still struggle with excercising but walk daily no antibiotics     I just can’t get round the fact that I have gone back to how things were at the beginning to be honest I didn’t think I was healing but now I’m back in the hellish throws of this I can actually see how well I had been doing the horrendous morning anxiety has returned with a vengeance which has been gone for over a year my body burns all day my brain feels like it’s on fire all day the black depression is back so bad and I have no clue as to why in the last 6 months I have manage to put back on some weight and been venturing out a little more after spending the best part of the last 3 years stuck in doors but bang I back in acute withdrawal and the thought of having to go through that hell all again is killing me 39 months off and I feel like I did when I was on the meds I’m so sorry for the long post and to sound so hopeless but it’s the way I feel many of the physical symptoms are started to live with but the anxiety and depression are back with a vengeance so soul destroying I just can’t find a trigger I don’t have windows which perhaps makes this so much harder as I think if you get some sort of window it does give you some hope 

[DataGuy]

I'm sorry to hear you are suffering so much @Terry4949. I can't really guess at what may have caused the relapse, but given you said you were sleeping better and that meant 3-4 hours a night, I would say you still have quite a bit of healing to do. If you can't pinpoint any cause in the uptick in symptoms, it likely is just a wave. I would try to avoid dwelling on it. If it came on unexpectedly for no reason, it is likely to leave in the same way, so the best course of action is to just get through the days with some non-drug coping strategies and distraction. If you manage to get a few things done, that is great. Here is the link to the coping strategies. 

 

You have had a rough withdrawal history, so do not get discouraged that recovery is taking a long time. It's encouraging that you've seen some improvement. Just keep treating yourself well and stay out of trouble with drugs and supplements and you should see that progress continue. It's great that you are exercising. Please keep that up if you can. It may help with symptoms in the short and long run. 

[ChessieCat]

Doing relaxation and calming exercises at scheduled times throughout the day can help to keep the stress down.  You may not notice any difference but if you can keep your body and mind in as relaxed a state as you can, I believe that it gives the brain a chance to do what it needs to do, instead of being redirected to coping with the stress and anxiety.

 

Which is where acceptance comes in.  It's okay to admit that we are feeling bad but keep it factual and not emotional.  Acceptance

 

When we are waiting in a queue at the supermarket or stuck at traffic lights we can either let our negative emotions take over or we can wait calmly, check out our surroundings, think about something pleasant, listen to the radio.  We have a choice about how we are going to get through the waiting time.  We can either get angry, upset and frustrated by it or we can accept that it is what it is AT THIS TIME and try to get through it as best we can.

 

DataGuy gave you the link for non drug coping techniques. We strongly encourage members to learn and use them.  Check them out.  Learn some, practise them.  Find things to distract you.

 

And this one is good to learn and use, not just for anxiety:

  

On 4/9/2020 at 10:31 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try."

 

 

[ChessieCat]

This is an excellent website.  There is a list of topics on this page; scroll down to see them.

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/selfhelp.htm

 

Female voice:  https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/music/FirstAidPanicF.mp3

 

Male voice:  https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/music/FirstAidPanicM.mp3

[Altostrata]

@Terry4949, I was just looking over your signature, thanks for clarifying it. Did you ever try reinstating a few beads of Effexor? That's where these symptoms started. It seems you've tried everything but.

 

Given how sensitized you must be, maybe just one bead to see what it does?

[Terry4949]

I’m seemed to be getting so much worse every day now I read a old post from another group way back in 2013 where I had written how sick I was the chemical feeling running through my body the horrible daily suicidal idealations to end the suffering the horror of each day and here we are over 7 years later and I’m the same so very sick I havnt had a window but at times things have been a little easier but I feel like I’m am so poisoned in side I havnt touched any medications of any sort for 44 months no supplements I was thinking of trying a small dose of Effexor again but my doctor will not give me any every minute of the day is truly unbearable I have read so many success stories to try to give me that little bit of hope but I’m feel like I’m fighting a loosing battle I know I was kindled 4 years ago by mirtazapine just after one tablet that just set my body and brain on fire I have tried every calming measure and implemented so much to change my life but the overwhelming feeling of being poisoned just is relentless can withdrawal still be this brutal so far out I have had so many wise words and help from this group over the years that have manage just to keep me going but when you have been so sick for so long it’s so hard I have lost my life family friends to this everyone is so fed up of me now even they say no one can be that sick for that long I truly don’t know what to do 

[Altostrata]

I am surprised none of your doctors has suggested a benzodiazepine for you, Terry.

[Terry4949]

8 hours ago, Altostrata said:

I am surprised none of your doctors has suggested a benzodiazepine for you, Terry.

I thought benzos were bad and very addictive how do you think they may help me Alto do you think that I have reached the point that I need to try something as I just feel like I havnt made any improvements the daily suffering is unbearable 

[Altostrata]

This is one of the many, many references to benzos in your topic. You also have a benzo tapering topic.

 

On 8/9/2017 at 11:53 PM, Terry4949 said:

I don't think they will give me any lamotrigine alto , I had a letter the other day from them saying that I was not responding to medication after them trying me on so many which didn't seem to have any effect or worsened the condition and that apart from a benzo , clonazapam they weren't going to give me anything else , because I took lamotrigine for a month and reported no change they will be so reluctant to give it to me again , talking of sleep the last 3 nights I have managed to get , 4 to 5 hours sleep ,which is something , 

 

Benzodiazepines are not any more "bad" than any other psychiatric drug. It appears you have rejected this possibility many times.

 

Benzos are often the last resort to treat people with withdrawal syndrome.

 

If you are on them for any amount of time, you will need to taper off, just like other psychiatric drugs.

[Terry4949]

1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

This is one of the many, many references to benzos in your topic. You also have a benzo tapering topic.

 

 

Benzodiazepines are not any more "bad" than any other psychiatric drug. It appears you have rejected this possibility many times.

 

Benzos are often the last resort to treat people with withdrawal syndrome.

 

If you are on them for any amount of time, you will need to taper off, just like other psychiatric drugs.

I understand what you are saying but to be honest the thought of taking any pharmaceutical even another antidepressant frightens me to death after being kindled from mirtazapine I’m so scared that things could get even worse even now 7 years down the road I have depression and still have suicidal urges daily and I worry I may make things worse 

[Altostrata]

As I recall, over 20 pages we've been around this barn many times. If you don't want to chance a drug intervention, you'll have to hold on and give healing time to work.

[Aurorax]

Hi @Terry4949, sorry you are having such a rough time. Have you seen any improvements, no matter how small, in any of your symptoms in the last years? I was still very ill after 44 months, mainly bedridden. Most of my symptoms were still there. But I had seen improvements, and I guess that kept me going.
  Have you tried radical life style-changes? I'm not going to pretend that diet can cure wd, but a gluten-free raw vegan diet (no fruit) could be worth trying. I found it very helpful.

 

Sending you love, strength, and hope ❤️
   
Aurorax

[Terry4949]

6 minutes ago, Aurorax said:

Hi @Terry4949, sorry you are having such a rough time. Have you seen any improvements, no matter how small, in any of your symptoms in the last years? I was still very ill after 44 months, mainly bedridden. Most of my symptoms were still there. But I had seen improvements, and I guess that kept me going.
  Have you tried radical life style-changes? I'm not going to pretend that diet can cure wd, but a gluten-free raw vegan diet (no fruit) could be worth trying. I found it very helpful.

 

Sending you love, strength, and hope ❤️
   
Aurorax

Thank you for your reply I havnt seen much improvement in general health and the relentless physical symptoms the Akathisia is the only thing that seems to have gone over the years my sleep is still very bad now after 4 years I can fall a sleep easy but only sleep 1-3 hours and it’s not restorative sleep I tried glutton free for 6 months and felt even worse  I eat healthy no sugar I don’t drink alcohol and I have never smoked I try to cut out foods that are high in histamine the depression did lift for a while but it is back with me the feeling of fatigue and muscle aches seem to be worse now than two years ago infact I would say I was more functional back then than I am now the headaches are far more intense now I know they say that sleep is important and I practice a very good sleep hygiene routine no light cool room go to bed at the same time but I wake every 1-3 back in the same poisoned state as the day before everyday I cry and have done for the last 3 years I can get out for a walk but it really makes me feel unwell but I force myself the relentless depression takes it’s toll on me I try so hard to keep going I’m always in constant pain which doesn’t help I know I’m not alone in this journey but 7 years of daily suffering really takes it’s toll as you know only to well but then I see someone like yourself who has come through it and it gives me that little bit of hope again but I wish I could just catch a break or get a window 

[Terry4949]

So this is my situation at the moment I wake after 1-3 hours of sleep the sleep is deep but not restorative the moment I open my eyes my body begins to overheat and I feel very jittery inside I have the overwhelming feeling of being so tired and the instant thought that another day of suffering is here I drag myself out of bed and wash my face then I go and get a drink of water the constant pounding of my heart beat rings through my head from the pulsating tinnitus I then start to feel very emotional and the feeling of wanting to cry is all to much as the thought of another day suffering goes through my head the depression sucks the life out of me my body and muscles ache from the moment my feet touch the floor I then try to plan my day depending what the fatigue will let me do most days I have very little appetite and when I do eat or drink it makes me very ill I become very hot and sweaty the feeling of wanting to pass out I go out for a walk albeit only a short one but it knocks me for six I then return to a life of solitude I have not got many friends or family now they gave up on me years ago but this loop I’m in makes it very hard to do anything than pray for the few hours of sleep I get I often think of suicide but I know that is not the answer after nearly 8 years like this I just can’t seem to find any more inspiration it’s like I’m stuck in a time warp where the clock goes so very slow the life has been sucked out of me I even hate the person I have become on the outside I look ok on the inside I’m dieing I have tried so much over the years from diets mindfulness vagus nerve stimulation everything that someone has recommended I have given it at least a go I may not have stuck at it for long but I tried but every morning will start the same the feeling of being poisoned and the days results are the same I have been off all meds for 44 months and sicker now than ever

[Aurorax]

Good to hear that the akathisia is gone! That is proof that you are healing.

   Sleeping 1-3 hours a night would make most people exhausted, depressed, full of aches, or even worse, even if they were 100% healthy. Some of your symptoms may go away or at least improve as soon as you can sleep again. I took sleeping pills for several weeks around month 9-10 as I had severe insomnia. They helped my body to get used to sleeping again, but they made my other symptoms worse. I can't recommend drugs, but I believe you would see many improvements if you got some sleep. I guess you already tried supplements? I checked some old posts, and it seems like GABA helped me for a while, but that could have been a placebo effect.

 

Aurorax

[Aurorax]

Hi again, @Terry4949 I didn't see your second post until now. So sorry you have to suffer like this. I still believe the lack of sleep is the biggest problem right now. What you are describing sounds like severe sleep deprivation to me.
I'm a huge believer in the raw vegan diet, but I fully understand if you don't want to try more diets, or don't have the energy to do so. But if you are willing to try one more thing, that would be it. It didn't take my symptoms away, but it gave me more energy and mental clarity.

 

Don't give up. There is a way out of this. 44 months may seem like a very long time, but I was still bedridden in my parent's guest room by that time. The first five years were rough.

 

Aurorax

[Terry4949]

6 hours ago, Aurorax said:

Hi again, @Terry4949 I didn't see your second post until now. So sorry you have to suffer like this. I still believe the lack of sleep is the biggest problem right now. What you are describing sounds like severe sleep deprivation to me.
I'm a huge believer in the raw vegan diet, but I fully understand if you don't want to try more diets, or don't have the energy to do so. But if you are willing to try one more thing, that would be it. It didn't take my symptoms away, but it gave me more energy and mental clarity.

 

Don't give up. There is a way out of this. 44 months may seem like a very long time, but I was still bedridden in my parent's guest room by that time. The first five years were rough.

 

Aurorax

Thanks for replying I am having the horrid 4am cortisol mornings again now I have always been awake at 4am but now my body is full of adrenaline and cortisol that leaves me so shakey inside I feel very cold all the time it’s like a form of internal akathisia this had gone away but now it is back with a vengeance it makes me me feel so unwell did you have this I can’t understand why at 44 months of I feel like I’m right back at the beginning 

[Aurorax]

The majority of my around 120 symptoms were still there 44 months off, but to a lesser degree. I was not in acute wd but very ill.
   I could eat, sleep, listen to music, talk to people, and do very light exercise (walking, swimming), but that was about it. So yes, I could still have inner shaking, akathisia, and many other symptoms 44 months off. But I was much better than the first year off.
   I believe one difference between us is that I could sleep again, and that helped a lot. I was also not depressed. I was finally ready to have a home of my own again at month 44, and that felt like a huge victory. I moved in there a few months later but lived on a mattress on the floor in a more or less empty apartment in the beginning. Not because of lack of money, but because I was too ill. It took me years to furnish it. I struggled a lot with household chores. The first time I bought food in the grocery store nearby was in 2015, more than 6 years off.
   In other words, I was not very functional at all in the first 5-6 years. Not because of anxiety or depression, but all the physical symptoms. So there is no reason to give up just because you are still suffering 44 months off.  But not getting better and even getting worse might be a sign that your body needs more help, or that you have other health challenges as well. I still think you may need to find a way to get more sleep, and maybe see if you can continue to improve your lifestyle/diet even if it's already good compared to the average person. That's what I tried to do, but only you know what is right for you. I'm just speculating from my own experiences.

 

I haven't read your thread, and maybe I'm just repeating what others have already said. I wish I could send you a window of relief instead of more advice ❤️

 

Aurorax

[Terry4949]

46 minutes ago, Aurorax said:

The majority of my around 120 symptoms were still there 44 months off, but to a lesser degree. I was not in acute wd but very ill.
   I could eat, sleep, listen to music, talk to people, and do very light exercise (walking, swimming), but that was about it. So yes, I could still have inner shaking, akathisia, and many other symptoms 44 months off. But I was much better than the first year off.
   I believe one difference between us is that I could sleep again, and that helped a lot. I was also not depressed. I was finally ready to have a home of my own again at month 44, and that felt like a huge victory. I moved in there a few months later but lived on a mattress on the floor in a more or less empty apartment in the beginning. Not because of lack of money, but because I was too ill. It took me years to furnish it. I struggled a lot with household chores. The first time I bought food in the grocery store nearby was in 2015, more than 6 years off.
   In other words, I was not very functional at all in the first 5-6 years. Not because of anxiety or depression, but all the physical symptoms. So there is no reason to give up just because you are still suffering 44 months off.  But not getting better and even getting worse might be a sign that your body needs more help, or that you have other health challenges as well. I still think you may need to find a way to get more sleep, and maybe see if you can continue to improve your lifestyle/diet even if it's already good compared to the average person. That's what I tried to do, but only you know what is right for you. I'm just speculating from my own experiences.

 

I haven't read your thread, and maybe I'm just repeating what others have already said. I wish I could send you a window of relief instead of more advice ❤️

 

Aurorax

Thank you so much for replying to me I truly don’t know what has happened to me in the last 3 weeks I have really take a turn for the worse I havnt felt this sick for years I have a awful feeling of like chemicals running through my body I can even taste them I feel so shakey and unwell I havnt done or taken anything different in the last 4 years these feeling had gone away but I remember feeling this sick for so long I havnt taken any new supplements or taken any medication it’s just so strange to be hit so hard again so far out it’s like something is poisoning me the early morning adrenaline is back and cortisol spikes they had cleared up at the 3 year mark I feel intoxicated even though I don’t drink my appetite has completely gone again and I have to force myself to eat I can get out of the house but just walk around feeling so unwell I’m so glad you have found time to speak to me living like this is very lonely and isolating I used to be so pationate about things but now I just survive the apathy and anhendonia are terrible plus the constant fatigue I’m so glad you never had the depression it is truly awful especially when it has been with you for years I use to be a black belt at Tae Kwan do and train 4 times a week now I am lucky to walk round the block I use to love fishing I use to go to Holland and Ireland often with my mates but now I have no interest I hate feeling this way I’m so pleased you have come out the other side and are able to encourage others 

[Aurorax]

It's really frustrating that so many of us have been or are very isolated during wd. I wish we all had teleportation devices. What if we could visit each other now and then and share a moment of joy or misery? I would love to talk face to face with you and many other people here or spend some time together in silence. 

   Sadly, most people avoid people that have been ill for a long time, whether it's wd, cancer, or something else. I often wondered why that is. I always had a positive attitude and rarely complained, but that didn't help. I had support from my family and I know they love me, but I felt as if they avoided me. Maybe people can't stand seeing friends and loved ones suffer. I'm a lone wolf and enjoy solitude, but most people don't. I can't imagine what it's like to be isolated when it's against someone's nature. 

 

This forum brings back a lot of difficult memories for me, and I'll have to take a break now and then. But I hope we can keep in touch, no matter if you feel you are getting better or worse. 

   I still believe you will recover if you give your body enough time and the right tools. ❤️

 

Aurorax

[SquirrellyGirl]

Aurorax,  you make some very good points.

 

When I was tapering after a bad protracted withdrawal, I felt like my identity was someone harmed by psych meds and in the throes of trying to get off.  I felt like that was my existence and all I wanted to talk about. Now I am off the drugs but dealing with pre-diabetes and the possibility that I might become a type 1 diabetic, and THAT has become my identity - I find myself wanting to tell people about it, let them know that is my struggle, but discussing health issues all the time is horribly unpopular, even with family.  I feel like my parents can't handle hearing anything about me struggling mentally or health-wise.  They are old now so I try to spare them, but part of me still sees them as my parents and wishes for comfort.  I'm supposed to be grown up now, but I feel like 25 years of psych meds has retarded my development.

 

I wish it were easier to connect with people who are in the same boat - at least we can feel heard with each other.

 

Terry, I'm sorry you are struggling again. Have you had labs done recently? Have you tried a keto diet, high (good) fat, low carb, moderate protein?  I'm doing it because of the pre-diabetes situation to control blood sugar, but many report it helping with mood, depression. I know you've tried a lot of things but never hurts to ask 🙂  

 

SG

[Terry4949]

4 hours ago, SquirrellyGirl said:

Aurorax,  you make some very good points.

 

When I was tapering after a bad protracted withdrawal, I felt like my identity was someone harmed by psych meds and in the throes of trying to get off.  I felt like that was my existence and all I wanted to talk about. Now I am off the drugs but dealing with pre-diabetes and the possibility that I might become a type 1 diabetic, and THAT has become my identity - I find myself wanting to tell people about it, let them know that is my struggle, but discussing health issues all the time is horribly unpopular, even with family.  I feel like my parents can't handle hearing anything about me struggling mentally or health-wise.  They are old now so I try to spare them, but part of me still sees them as my parents and wishes for comfort.  I'm supposed to be grown up now, but I feel like 25 years of psych meds has retarded my development.

 

I wish it were easier to connect with people who are in the same boat - at least we can feel heard with each other.

 

Terry, I'm sorry you are struggling again. Have you had labs done recently? Have you tried a keto diet, high (good) fat, low carb, moderate protein?  I'm doing it because of the pre-diabetes situation to control blood sugar, but many report it helping with mood, depression. I know you've tried a lot of things but never hurts to ask 🙂  

 

SG

Hi thanks for your reply I havnt tried a keto diet to be honest at the moment if I eat anything it’s a bonus as I feel so unwell if I could get the constant inner shakes and adrenaline and cortisol to stop I’m sure I would feel better looking back I suppose I had made some progress but here I am at 44 months out and everything has gone back to acute stages like right at the beginning I can’t seem to think of any triggers I still practise very good sleep hygiene but still only manage 1-3 hours sleep then wake feeling so toxic this has been for 5 years or more now so I know it doesn’t help I feel toxic all the while just to get some decent sleep would be nice I can fall asleep fine but just can’t stay a sleep maybe I will look at the keto diet but I don’t eat much anyway no sugar limited diary etc I was hoping by the 4 year mark I might have turned the corner I was c/t of many drugs and I do truly fear that this damage is permanent I have tried holding on to hope but when it goes on for so long it really drags you down I never ever thought that a human being could feel so unwell for so long I’m nearly at 8 years of these symptoms it seems a life time sorry for the rambling 

[Aurorax]

How are you doing, @Terry4949? ❤️

 

Have you seen any improvement?

 

Aurorax

 

[Terry4949]

1 hour ago, Aurorax said:

How are you doing, @Terry4949? ❤️

 

Have you seen any improvement?

 

Aurorax

 

Sadly not but thanks for asking I still think until the sleep improves I don’t really expect to heal only 2 hours a night for years now I think my body and brain are so fatigued I have tried everything on this earth to help the sleep but found nothing to help I go to bed at the same time no electrics dark room not light I have no problem falling a sleep but just wake after 1-2 hours in the early days I tried melatonin but it had no effect I think that’s partly why the depression is so bad lack of sleep the only thing that has gone for me I would say is the horrible 24/7 anxiety but that has taken 5 years to go also the fact I was c/t of multiple meds doesn’t help thank you so much for checking in on me it means a lot 

[Elyssa143]

@Terry4949 heu terry! I’m sorry your still having such a hard time! I can relate at 32 months now but I am slowly healing it’s just so dang slow! Have you tried mage glycinate? So even before Withdrawl pretty sure we’re all deficient and then the stress of merely surviving for so long depletes is even more! It’s definitely can help with sleep, can you give it a try? I’m assuming no meds correct? How long completely med free now and are other things better? 

[Terry4949]

17 hours ago, Elyssa143 said:

@Terry4949 heu terry! I’m sorry your still having such a hard time! I can relate at 32 months now but I am slowly healing it’s just so dang slow! Have you tried mage glycinate? So even before Withdrawl pretty sure we’re all deficient and then the stress of merely surviving for so long depletes is even more! It’s definitely can help with sleep, can you give it a try? I’m assuming no meds correct? How long completely med free now and are other things better? 

Thank you for your reply I did try magnesium glycinate but it ramped up my symptoms I just can’t seem to take any supplements at all I’m now off all meds 44 months as you say it’s been a very long road and so slow some things have gone like the 24/7 anxiety but my sleep is still very poor I’m hoping in another year I might see some improvement or the turning of a corner I was c/t of many drugs so I think my recovery is going to take much longer 

[Elyssa143]

@Terry4949 I can understand so was I. Is your aka and suicidal stuff better? I long for those to go. I used to not be able to take anything. Can u start super low and try to adjust to it? It’s so helpful! We’re just so so sensitive! And maybe building a tolerance is done with low and slow I couldn’t take it either! Now I can . I still really struggle with the dread aka and suicidal stuff but having better days. Glad things are somewhat better!

[Terry4949]

22 hours ago, Elyssa143 said:

@Terry4949 I can understand so was I. Is your aka and suicidal stuff better? I long for those to go. I used to not be able to take anything. Can u start super low and try to adjust to it? It’s so helpful! We’re just so so sensitive! And maybe building a tolerance is done with low and slow I couldn’t take it either! Now I can . I still really struggle with the dread aka and suicidal stuff but having better days. Glad things are somewhat better!

The akathisia is very mild now the first 6 months when I was stopped c/t was horrendous it was intense pacing I couldn’t sit still I would rock back and forward but now it’s a inner akathisia it’s nowhere as intense as it was if anything it’s just more annoying now as I think I have just come to learn to except it but I still have days where I don’t notice it then I can have a day where it can be bad as for the suicidal thoughts I have had them constant everyday for nearly 3 years but over the last 6 months they have started to get less some days now I don’t have any then out of the blue I have a really bad day but I have learned now overtime not to pay any attention to them and I think it’s starting to pay off I truly just say to myself they are only thoughts and tell myself that in a hour I could feel completely different and if they are bad I just let them pass I do find it difficult at times especially if you are around or with people as trying to bluff it while in their presence can be very difficult as we look fine on the outside to them but they can’t see inside us so I just bluff my way through 

it might sound daft but I kinda get a kick out of bluffing and getting through a suicidal thought day or process as I feel like it’s a little victory that I have one and gives me a sense of relief that I actually beat it but on a whole I do think they are getting less and days are getting further apart but I am 44 months out so hopefully in another 12 months things maybe even better 

I’m sorry you are still suffering these akathisia it is very difficult but it will get better and I just think the suicidal thoughts are just withdrawal and you just have to hold on until they pass when they are at there worse the thoughts just try to distract yourself as much as you can even if it’s a fast walk round the block I use to find if I just sat in on my own they would consume me so I just tried anything to distract even though they were still there and some times very stronge I just found something to take my mind of it until they passed 

I’m glad you are having better days hang in there as for the supplements I have tried so many over the years spent hundreds of pounds some of them sit unopened in a draw and they are just not for me so I just don’t take anything I feel the longer I avoid everything the more chance of have of healing 

 

[Altostrata]

3 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

The akathisia is very mild now the first 6 months when I was stopped c/t was horrendous it was intense pacing I couldn’t sit still I would rock back and forward but now it’s a inner akathisia it’s nowhere as intense as it was if anything it’s just more annoying now

 

This is an improvement, by the way.

[Terry4949]

20 hours ago, Altostrata said:

 

This is an improvement, by the way.

Let’s hope so it’s been a long road but I won’t give up now been through to much to let it win 

[Aurorax]

@Terry4949, I'm so happy you have seen at least some improvements during these years. It's almost impossible to notice them when they happen slowly. We tend to forget how bad things used to be. I read about so many people that don't realize how much better they have been until they have a bad wave.

 

On 11/8/2020 at 8:14 PM, Terry4949 said:

until the sleep improves I don’t really expect to heal only 2 hours a night for years now I think my body and brain are so fatigued

Insomnia is probably the main reason you are feeling the way you do. I'm amazed you can function at all with so little sleep. I believe you will see huge improvements as soon as you can sleep more.

    One thing that could be worth trying is resting on a nail-mat for 20-40 minutes before sleep. I know people who use it as a sleep-aid. I use it for back pain, very effective for me, and relaxing too.

 

18 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

Let’s hope so it’s been a long road but I won’t give up now been through to much to let it win 

Love your attitude. You will get through this. ❤️

 

Aurorax

[Terry4949]

20 hours ago, Aurorax said:

@Terry4949, I'm so happy you have seen at least some improvements during these years. It's almost impossible to notice them when they happen slowly. We tend to forget how bad things used to be. I read about so many people that don't realize how much better they have been until they have a bad wave.

 

Insomnia is probably the main reason you are feeling the way you do. I'm amazed you can function at all with so little sleep. I believe you will see huge improvements as soon as you can sleep more.

    One thing that could be worth trying is resting on a nail-mat for 20-40 minutes before sleep. I know people who use it as a sleep-aid. I use it for back pain, very effective for me, and relaxing too.

 

Love your attitude. You will get through this. ❤️

 

Aurorax

Thank you for your words of encouragement hopefully my sleep will return I know the lack of it isn’t helping my healing 

[arbor]

Thank you, Terry4949, for continuing to post.  I commiserate and send you my best wishes.  

Arbor

[Longroadhome]

@Terry4949

Hello there and hope you are getting some enjoyment out of Christmas ! 
 

I am also from England and have been on this site for almost two years. Wow I’d like to say that’s gone quick .. but not quick enough as far as WD goes!! 
 

I am just a lay person without much knowledge of AD WD. Having said this I have read many peoples threads on this forum and feel more tuned into their journey regarding waves and windows purely by the way they write. having read through your thread today it is clear you do experience waves and windows even if you feel you don’t. And I’d like to bet each time you have a bad wave unbeknown to you your baseline gets just a little easier afterwards. Your sleep is better, you no longer have SI well at least it’s almost gone, you no longer have 24/7 anxiety you now have better times with depression, the morning cortisol spikes are much better. These are the few you have mentioned and all have improved between the ups and downs. 
I think going forward  for a period of 6 months from Jan to July 2021 you should record your symptoms daily and traffic light them,  red for intense, orange for moderate and  green for mild and I’m willing to bet you see improvements over this time with some symptoms going from red to amber and maybe even green!! 
I think you’re so focused on your symptoms that you’re  not paying attention to the improvements. But as an outsider I can clearly see them by reading in between the lines. 
 

I think you have done a great job of staying off the meds for this long and I think this coming year you are going to be rewarded for that. 

read Judith's success story she also came off Effexor with no windows for four years . During her 5th year improvements started to happen and rather quickly . 
 

keep doing what your doing ( maybe less of the negativity though ...!!  ) you’re going to make it. 
 

my thoughts  are with you for 2021

 

[morgana]

hello @Terry4949i c/t off cipramil (AD) for 24 years and have tapered off zypexa too fast, as a consequence i am also going through what you are were/am going through..i can only sleep for no more than 2 hrs if i am lucky and it has gone on for 7 weeks now...i wake up in hot sweats and the need to "wee" at the same time...everytime my mind and body feels like it is going deeper into a sleep i have to get up and go to the toilet and have a hot sweat, i lay in bed for upto 12 hrs straight, and i am worried that i will never get my ability back to be able to sleep again..i am wondering how you are going now? it is now mid 2021 and am wondering if your night sweats and your sleep has yet to improve....i hope to hear back as i am getting worried..best wishes morgana