Terry4949: withdrawal help

[Terry4949]

Hi Morgana I’m sorry you are going through this terrible ordeal i am coming up to nearly five years off all meds now things are still very tough I sleep anywhere between 2-4 hours a night now but none of it is restorative sleep and I am still very unsettled during the night the night sweats have stopped now but they took a very long time to pass I still am very hot all the time my body’s regulator has gone to pieces I think ever since I stopped c/t all I can say is just hang in there I know it’s tough but just keep going I wish you well 

[Altostrata]

@Terry4949, are you reporting that your sleep has improved a little?

[Terry4949]

Yes my sleep is better than the first two years I have no problems with falling a sleep and can now sleep some nights for 4 hours in the last twelve months I have also started to dream again which I never use to after stopping my meds 

[Altostrata]

Good to hear of improvement, @Terry4949! It's been a long, frustrating road. Hang in there.

[morgana]

thankyou for getting back to me @Terry4949 its along time to live on 2 hrs sleep...thats all i am living on at the moment and i wouldnt even call it a sleep...i lay there in bed for 12 hrs straight, body relaxed, mind blank, eyes closed and maybe i start dreaming alittle just before getting up for the day, i do not know how long i am dreaming for but its very shallow.... due to lack of sleep i am becoming depressed, i am soo tired but cannot fall asleep... my physical symptoms not only constantly change but are becoming worse... i am over it!

[PsychologicalSafe15]

@Terry4949how are your vivid dreams ?

[Terry4949]

On 9/29/2021 at 2:20 PM, PsychologicalSafe15 said:

@Terry4949how are your vivid dreams ?

My dreams are are strange sometimes meaningless but sometimes disturbing I have a lot of unsettling dreams that are linked to my treatment on the meds and past traumas from the drugs but then I can have a pleasant dream I think my dreams are linked to what sort of day I have had if I’m very tired and stressed my sleep is more unsettled and I’m likely to have a disturbed dream my dreams can be about very unpleasant things that have happened to me in the past and they are very random as they can be things that I had completely forgot about but for some reason re emerge when I sleep 

[PsychologicalSafe15]

@Terry4949 oh god even after so many years

[PsychologicalSafe15]

@Terry4949 Have you done sleep study ? DO you feel comfortable with it ? Are you not doing anything about it ? please share , help me too.

[Terry4949]

On 10/3/2021 at 3:22 AM, PsychologicalSafe15 said:

@Terry4949 Have you done sleep study ? DO you feel comfortable with it ? Are you not doing anything about it ? please share , help me too.

I havnt done a sleep study as I don’t think there is any point I have been damaged by the drugs and I believe now that only time will heal me I have learnt now over the years to just except that this is how things need to be until things change I have had enough of being passed around and given silly labels by doctors who havnt really got a clue 

try not to over think things your sleep pattern may return to normal in time I have seen many people on this forum and others who had huge problems with sleep who eventually returned to some sort of normality and many back to normal 

I never used to dream at all for the best part of 3 years s for me even though my dreams are sometimes disturbing I believe that the brain is healing 

[PsychologicalSafe15]

@Terry4949 you get occasional dreams ? I get everytime I sleep even on nap.

[Terry4949]

I’m 55 months out now from a c/t from many meds in March next year I will have been free from all meds for 5 years over the last 55 months somethings have improved but very slowly the first few years were very intense as you can see from my history I cannot take any supplements still I don’t drink or smoke and I eat as healthy as possible I have found this journey very difficult but have kept going as best as I can 

slowly over the last 18 months my anxiety and depression eased to a level that I could live with the inner nervousness settled and my depression was very low grade I still struggle with many physical symptoms but not as intense as the first two years my sleep is better in the sense that I can get up to 4 hours sleep at night now even though I do wake up every morning about 2 am but the cortisol jolts have now stopped I do feel though any sleep I get is not restorative sleep which leaves me very fatigued 

in the last 3 weeks my depression has returned with a vengeance my anxiety has returned I feel very emotional all the time to be honest I feel like these things are back right where I started there have been no triggers that I can think off I go to bed at the same time avoid stress and try to look after myself I walk every day and try to socialise as to avoid isolation but I’m having doubts in myself that this is another wave as this is so intense to be honest I had started to forget how bad it can feel to be so depressed is this a wave or is this something else I can’t speak to a doctor as all they will want is to medicate me I truly am tired of going through all this again knocking on 5 years can such severe waves really hit you this far out 

 

 

 

[getofflex]

2 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

in the last 3 weeks my depression has returned with a vengeance my anxiety has returned I feel very emotional all the time to be honest I feel like these things are back right where I started there have been no triggers that I can think off

I'm very sorry to hear you are going through this, 55 months out from the drugs.  Are you on any psych meds at this time?  Your drug sig says "currently on 30 mg mirtazapine".  

 

Waves can be caused by many things, it can be something we ate, too intense of exercise, stress in our life, change weather or seasons, change in routine, etc.  could it be the change in seasons?  Many of us become depressed and anxious in fall, as the days get shorter, it gets colder, and we are on our way into winter.  Are you having any other symptoms besides anxiety and depression?  It could be these are caused by something else, and you are not in a wave.  

 

[Terry4949]

21 hours ago, getofflex said:

I'm very sorry to hear you are going through this, 55 months out from the drugs.  Are you on any psych meds at this time?  Your drug sig says "currently on 30 mg mirtazapine".  

 

Waves can be caused by many things, it can be something we ate, too intense of exercise, stress in our life, change weather or seasons, change in routine, etc.  could it be the change in seasons?  Many of us become depressed and anxious in fall, as the days get shorter, it gets colder, and we are on our way into winter.  Are you having any other symptoms besides anxiety and depression?  It could be these are caused by something else, and you are not in a wave.  

 

I’m not on any meds I need to update my signature sorry for any confusion 

I can’t say that I have noticed any triggers but I just felt a little off for a day or two then felt like crying for a day then the anhendonia descended again which had cleared up about 16 months ago then the depression came back with a vengeance most of the days the anhendonia is crippling even though I occupy myself I’m feeling so low with in myself as after 5 years free I thought that life would be better but I feel like I’m back at square one 

[getofflex]

When did you jump to zero?  Can you please make your drug signature concise in a vertical list format - no symptoms, only drug name, dates, and dosages.  I'm having a hard time reading it to get the pertinent information. Please specify year instead of just month and day.  I don't see any dates on the fluoxetine.  What dates were you on the fluoxetine?  

[ChessieCat]

Have there been any major or fairly serious life stressors occur (eg death of a family or friend, or a pet, moving house or changing/loss of job)?

 

How has the Covid-19 pandemic affected you?  Work, financially, relationships (isolation, not seeing family and friends), access to things that we were readily able to access prior to the lockdowns etc.  And there was also the black lives matter during this time too.  And I'm sure there have been at least one or two more major non-covid related things too.

 

Think about the last 2 years and about what things changed during that time.  Even if you were able to keep working and had no financial stress, just the "general" stress around us and the changes that have happened since the beginning of 2020 can have an effect on us.

 

Even if you have been handling it okay, or think you have been, I think that the effect it has on us has crept in very stealthily.  Things are not the same as they were and we are all having to adjust to that.  Whenever something in our life changes for the worst we can suffer grief.  It is not just about losing a person or dearly loved pet, but we grieve for what we used to have.

[Terry4949]

On 10/22/2021 at 9:44 PM, getofflex said:

When did you jump to zero?  Can you please make your drug signature concise in a vertical list format - no symptoms, only drug name, dates, and dosages.  I'm having a hard time reading it to get the pertinent information. Please specify year instead of just month and day.  I don't see any dates on the fluoxetine.  What dates were you on the fluoxetine?  

 

On 10/22/2021 at 9:44 PM, getofflex said:

When did you jump to zero?  Can you please make your drug signature concise in a vertical list format - no symptoms, only drug name, dates, and dosages.  I'm having a hard time reading it to get the pertinent information. Please specify year instead of just month and day.  I don't see any dates on the fluoxetine.  What dates were you on the fluoxetine?  

I’m not on any medications all were stopped 55 months ago so I’m coming up to 5 years off all meds 

[Terry4949]

On 10/22/2021 at 9:46 PM, ChessieCat said:

Have there been any major or fairly serious life stressors occur (eg death of a family or friend, or a pet, moving house or changing/loss of job)?

 

How has the Covid-19 pandemic affected you?  Work, financially, relationships (isolation, not seeing family and friends), access to things that we were readily able to access prior to the lockdowns etc.  And there was also the black lives matter during this time too.  And I'm sure there have been at least one or two more major non-covid related things too.

 

Think about the last 2 years and about what things changed during that time.  Even if you were able to keep working and had no financial stress, just the "general" stress around us and the changes that have happened since the beginning of 2020 can have an effect on us.

 

Even if you have been handling it okay, or think you have been, I think that the effect it has on us has crept in very stealthily.  Things are not the same as they were and we are all having to adjust to that.  Whenever something in our life changes for the worst we can suffer grief.  It is not just about losing a person or dearly loved pet, but we grieve for what we used to have.

I can honestly say that there has been no life stressors or anything that I can recall that has triggered me 

the covid situation hasn’t really worried me I have followed guidelines it has not played on my mind 

the first two years off meds from a c/t We’re absolutely horrendous I truly don’t know how I survived year 3 was more depression but the physical symptoms lessened but sleep was still horrible I thought I had truly turned the corner 

 I have a good routine I was working hours that suited me I eat healthy my sleep hygiene is very good I have no financial worries a loving family 

then about 6 weeks ago I just started to feel a difference not myself then symptoms from the early years started to creep back in and now I feel like I did right at the start the worst being the crippling depression I truly had forgot how bad it is to feel like this the overwhelming fatigue and muscle ache is unbearable 

I do hide some guilt as my family that stood by me especially with what I went through in the early years had seen a change in me in year 3-4 and they said it was nice to see the old me coming back and now I feel I can’t tell them that I feel the same as 5 years ago it took a lot of my life from me and them 

I do struggle to think that this is still withdrawal even after nearly 5 years as I havnt seen many people reporting such severe waves so far out I must admit I feel so helpless as it has been such a long road 

I know I have to find the strength to get through this but I think I just need to know it will end I know we can never say when we will heal but 5 years ago I told myself that things would get better 

thank you for your reply 

 

 

[getofflex]

On 10/21/2021 at 12:23 PM, Terry4949 said:

I’m 55 months out now from a c/t from many meds

Doing a cold turkey off many meds is a severe blow to the nervous system.  It can take years to recover from something like this.  Please read:  

 

Cold Turkey

 

It it, Brass Monkey states "I frequently post about several of my taper buddies that CTed 40mgai of Paxil at the same time I started my taper. Currently it has been six years, I’m off all my meds and living life at about 95% plus of normal.  They, on the other hand, are still suffering waves that rival their initial acute period.  On the positive side they are also experiencing very nice Windows."   

 

Can you please simplify your drug sig as requested previously.  A list format with only drug names, dosages, and dates would be most helpful - no symptoms, explanations, etc.  Thank you.  

[Terry4949]

14 minutes ago, getofflex said:

Doing a cold turkey off many meds is a severe blow to the nervous system.  It can take years to recover from something like this.  Please read:  

 

Cold Turkey

 

It it, Brass Monkey states "I frequently post about several of my taper buddies that CTed 40mgai of Paxil at the same time I started my taper. Currently it has been six years, I’m off all my meds and living life at about 95% plus of normal.  They, on the other hand, are still suffering waves that rival their initial acute period.  On the positive side they are also experiencing very nice Windows."   

 

Can you please simplify your drug sig as requested previously.  A list format with only drug names, dosages, and dates would be most helpful - no symptoms, explanations, etc.  Thank you.  

2001 to jan 2015 Effexor 150 mg 

jan 2015 15 mg mirtazapine 20 mg quetiapine 

feb 2015 quetiapine stopped 

feb 2015 30 mg of citalopram added 

feb 2015 mirtazapine increased to 30 mg 

july 2015 citalopram stopped 

sept 2015 200mg of pregabalin 

jan 2017 mirtazapine stopped

jan 2017 20 mg fluoxetine

march 2017 all meds stopped 

 

I hope this is help full I’m having difficulty trying to up date my signature I’m not very good at these sort of things 

 

 

 

 

 

[getofflex]

OK I have copied and pasted it into your signature.  To update it in the future, please click on your screen name in the upper right corner, select account settings, then select signature.  You may need a computer to do this.  

[Terry4949]

1 hour ago, getofflex said:

OK I have copied and pasted it into your signature.  To update it in the future, please click on your screen name in the upper right corner, select account settings, then select signature.  You may need a computer to do this.  

Thank you for our help 

[getofflex]

I’m sorry you are going through this.  It must be very disheartening.  Try reading some of the success stories on the home page.  This will eventually go away.  

[Kostas]

Hi ,

I had stopped after a very slow tapering ( 7 years), my 20 mg citalopram in 2012.

For 4 years I was fine..

 

Then old withdrawal symptoms hit me in 2016 ,4 years after!

( fatigue, muscle pains  ,anxiety, insomnia..)

Symptoms up and down in intensity til end 2017.

Then gone again!

So do not despair..

[Terry4949]

I have been trying to look back to see why I have had a huge relapse in my symptoms trying to see if I can find a trigger that may have caused it so that I can try and understand it as my depression has returned with a vengeance plus many physical symptoms things have improved slowly  over the last 55 months  not great but I could get by the only thing I can think off is about 6 weeks ago I started waking again with the cortisol mornings always at 4 am the dreaded shock waking and then the awful hot flushes that last all morning then subside during the evening making me during the day feel so unwell since they have started my symptoms have returned to the same as when I quit c/t 

the dreaded cortisol mornings stopped about 18 months ago is there any reason to why these have come back so long after they stopped I have not taken any medication of any sort or any supplements since I quit meds 55 months ago I am very sensitive to anything which is a shame as even the magnesium and fish oil are to stimulating 

my room is very dark I practise very good sleep hygiene I go to bed at the same time but have never been able to sleep past 4 am in over 5 years

[Rosetta]

Hang in there, Terry.  I’m still having waves, too.  I hope you come out on the other side to see a lot of improvement as often is the case after a bad wave happens out of the blue. -Rosetta

[Distraut]

Hi Terry and Rosetta

 

I have been following both your journeys with interest over the years as your timelines and drug histories are very similar to that of my son Akrontes.

 

He took his last tiny dose of Mirtazepine in June 2017 after a seven month slow taper after a CT off Zoloft in May 2016 sent him spiralling down.  His progress has been up and down too and at present he is feeling demoralized as he feels he has not made any progress as he is still constantly tormented by intrusive thoughts, anxiety and compulsions with an occasional frustrated meltdown.

 

He is though eating and sleeping well and is managing to work regularly which often distracts him from his brain clatter and is able to travel and socialize.

 

It IS difficult for family members Terry, who also would like to see their loved one enjoying life and living to their full potential.  But I remain positive that each day that passes is a further step towards recovery.  Hang on in there.

 

He and I send both of you our best wishes.

 

 

 

[Terry4949]

1 hour ago, Rosetta said:

Hang in there, Terry.  I’m still having waves, too.  I hope you come out on the other side to see a lot of improvement as often is the case after a bad wave happens out of the blue. -Rosetta

Thank you Rosetta I have been following your progress as out time line is very similar I’m about 3 months behind you from a c/t I have been getting by over the last 18 months things not great but liveable but things went down hill about 6 weeks ago started to get those awful mornings again at 4 am leaving me shaking and trembling for most part of the day and now the awful wave of depression has come back with a vengeance I had forgotten how severe it can be 

but the physical side of it had mainly gone like the hot sweats and the feeling of uneasiness inside I feel so generally unwell like the first two years it is a real kick in the teeth after all this time 

I wish I new why we had these such bad waves out of the blue as I can’t seem to find a trigger only the start of the morning cortisol wakings which I was so glad to see the back off 

I hope that your recovery comes soon as you seem to making good progress thank you for speaking to me 

[Terry4949]

25 minutes ago, Distraut said:

Hi Terry and Rosetta

 

I have been following both your journeys with interest over the years as your timelines and drug histories are very similar to that of my son Akrontes.

 

He took his last tiny dose of Mirtazepine in June 2017 after a seven month slow taper after a CT off Zoloft in May 2016 sent him spiralling down.  His progress has been up and down too and at present he is feeling demoralized as he feels he has not made any progress as he is still constantly tormented by intrusive thoughts, anxiety and compulsions with an occasional frustrated meltdown.

 

He is though eating and sleeping well and is managing to work regularly which often distracts him from his brain clatter and is able to travel and socialize.

 

It IS difficult for family members Terry, who also would like to see their loved one enjoying life and living to their full potential.  But I remain positive that each day that passes is a further step towards recovery.  Hang on in there.

 

He and I send both of you our best wishes.

 

 

 

Thank you for your reply and I’m sorry to hear about your son I’m glad he is able to eat and sleep well that’s a good thing I have only managed 2-4 hours per night sleep for over 5 years so I think that doesn’t help it is good that he is able to get out and work and travel I think anything that can distract you from this suffering is a good thing I had been working a little up to this set back but now I find myself to sick to leave the house as I had made progress I hope this wave isn’t a long one I wish your son a speedy recovery 

[Terry4949]

Coming up to the 5 year off all meds mark and in another terrible wave the anhendonia has raised its ugly head again then eases only to leave me in a awful apathy depressed state it’s hard to think that these are still waves after so long I had made some improvements then out of the blue the morning cortisol wakings started again which led to me having very little sleep and I could feel the wave coming I know it will lift again at some point but when your in the throws of it all you don’t ever think it will get better I’m still eating well and looking after myself I’m living a stress free life just waiting on recovery but these set backs so far out really dent your hopes but I have seen many people heal so that’s all I can cling to 

[getofflex]

I can see why the wave would be so disheartening and discouraging after 5 years.  Have you tried reading the success stories?  They are on the home page, about halfway down.  They will encourage you and give you hope.  Also, check out 

 

How Long is Withdrawal Going to Take?

[Terry4949]

I’m now 5 years and 4 months off all meds while there has been some improvements which have been very slow I seem to have gone back to full blown symptoms I was functional the horrific burning sweating pins and needles restlessness etc all over the years slowly eased to a standard that I could endure the constant 24/7 anxiety went away and the deep dark depression eased to a manageable level in fact I had forgotten how bad things had really been and how I survived 

then out of the blue I woke up not feeling myself I felt lost no passion for anything very fatigued just struggled to get through the day and just thought to myself it’s a bad day tomorrow will be better there was no trigger I hadn’t taken anything that I knew off as I am very sensitive to most things then the next morning I woke at 4am and every horrific symptom was back it was like it was 6 years ago do waves hit people this far out I’m really struggling with this how do I go through this again 

I have never ever found any relief from anything to sensitive to magnesium and fish oil the only thing that eased it was time and that took 3 years or more for it to ease enough to survive the burning and sweating are intolerable the thought of me going through all this again terrifies me have other members been hit so hard so far out I’m at a loss to no what to do I really need some words of hope 

 

[getofflex]

1) Are you using alcohol in any amount, or any other mind altering substances?  

 

2) How is your diet?  Do you eat a healthy whole food diet, and avoid junk food, sugar, chemicals, aspartame, MSG, etc?  

 

3) have you added or subtracted any supplements lately?  

 

4) Have you had any major stressors, major changes in your routine, etc? 

 

5) have you used any other drugs at all, either RX or over the counter? 

 

6) has there been anything else unusual or different? 

 

You've been advised by the staff to seek face to face help.  Have you done so?  

 

What non drug coping techniques are you using to help yourself? 

Edited July 4, 2022 by getofflex

[ChessieCat]

Q:  Have you had Covid, Covid vaccination/booster, flu, flu vaccination or have been/are sick from anything else?

 

Q:  How many hours sleep are you getting?

[wantrelief]

11 hours ago, Terry4949 said:

I’m now 5 years and 4 months off all meds while there has been some improvements which have been very slow I seem to have gone back to full blown symptoms

I am so sorry you have had a set back and find yourself back into full blown symptoms. It is good to hear that before the set back you had experienced some much deserved improvements. It is SO hard how unpredictable and slow this process is but I believe if your brain was able to move into that better place you will get there again.  You have been so brave and courageous to keep holding on.  I really hope you find yourself back in a better place very soon.

[Terry4949]

20 hours ago, getofflex said:

1) Are you using alcohol in any amount, or any other mind altering substances?  

 

2) How is your diet?  Do you eat a healthy whole food diet, and avoid junk food, sugar, chemicals, aspartame, MSG, etc?  

 

3) have you added or subtracted any supplements lately?  

 

4) Have you had any major stressors, major changes in your routine, etc? 

 

5) have you used any other drugs at all, either RX or over the counter? 

 

6) has there been anything else unusual or different? 

 

You've been advised by the staff to seek face to face help.  Have you done so?  

 

What non drug coping techniques are you using to help yourself? 

I don’t drink or smoke not touched alcohol for over 20 years 

my diet is very good I avoid all sugar where possible I only drink decaf tea and coffee and limit to 2 cups a day

i have taken no supplements or medications in the last 5 years to sensitive 

I honestly can’t think of any major stresses that have caused me to have such a set back

no over the counter or illegal drugs 

I can’t say that any of my circumstances have have changed 

I was seeing a councillor every 3 weeks for the last two years to talk over any problems and my depression the thing is it’s awkward as they just seem to want to push for drugs but she is very understanding 

non drug coping mechanisms I use are I walk for 1 hour a day across the fields and around our local lakes everyday I practise good sleep hygiene go to bed at the same time everyday I wash and look after myself every day I listen to meditation cd,s I try to avoid tv and I read a lot , even got myself some chickens in the garden to help me do more around the garden