Juwel: Off drugs after 27 years but not coping

[Juwel]

I'll try to keep it simple but long story.

 

Believed all  I wastold by mentla health untilabout a year ago.

 

Now trapped at home, stopped quetiapine 50 mg m/r CT in October after violent episonde leading to arrest and pending court case.

 

Cannot do basic stuff - hygiene, eating,shopping

 

No family. Siblings cut me dead months ago. Friends refuse to see me cos I'm not 'tryig'. MH discharged with latest diagnosies of borderline and histrionic (bilpolar scrapped,anorexia dismised).

Exective functioning getting worse.

 

Developed traits of obsessive and compulsive including yelling, swearing at least 12 hours a day.

Barely sleep,eat

Trying to get by a minute at a time.

Cant get out the house and see noone whatsoever.

Comprehension very literal -  difficul to navigate forum. NO  ability for simple multitasking

 

(Was a translator so horribly aware of cognitive deficit )

 

Not manage d to stay on top of household since July lat year.

 

Will tryto remembe  to check in to AD (memory recall only a few minutes t a time)

 

Assiled by constant terror, not exactly hopeful anymore

[Juwel]

Not sure what I hope to gain by joining AD - have been trying to "get off " drugs for a year or more. Now that I'm drug-free albeitn a short time and not properly implemented (ie planning, tapering - these abilities disappeared too fast over the year) I'm definitely worse than I ever was (in terms of health, social contatcts, in every sohere of life) and right now see no way back.

 

Will try to come back to the signature thing later.

 

Juwel

[DaddyCee]

Hi Juwel,

 

If you can fill in a signature then it will help people to understand where you have come from (in relation to meds) and what the best course of action to recommend.

 

Someone more advanced in these matters will be along shortly that will be able to offer help I'm sure.

 

Namaste. DC.

[AliG]

Hi Juwel. Welcome.

I'm so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. It is good that you found your way here. You will receive the support that you need. You are suffering the effects of withdrawal , but at 2-3 months out there is a chance that a small reinstatement of Seroquel is an option, to help relieve some of these symptoms. 

 About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms 

Have a read , and see what you think . If you reinstate a small amount, it will possibly  help to settle symptoms and then you can do a slow taper, and remain functional throughout the withdrawal process.  There are no guarantees, but it's worth thinking about to maintain stability. There is a lot more information for you to read, but I won't overwhelm you , now.

This is your thread to ask questions and keep track of your progress. Have a read and come back with more questions.

Ali

[Juwel]

Hi Juwel,

 

If you can fill in a signature then it will help people to understand where you have come from (in relation to meds) and what the best course of action to recommend.

 

Someone more advanced in these matters will be along shortly that will be able to offer help I'm sure.

 

Namaste. DC.

taking the libety of quoting as from recent experience withlosethe thread!

Thanks for replying DC.Medshistory is so long and inolved - over 50 meds in 27 year and scramlbed thinking makes it difficult.

Just want to hope against hope and resistthe temptation to self=medicate (with quetiapine of diazzepam of OTC valerian as seem to have reached tolerance withdrawal and get kindling effect.

[Juwel]

Hi Juwel. Welcome.

I'm so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. It is good that you found your way here. You will receive the support that you need. You are suffering the effects of withdrawal , but at 2-3 months out there is a chance that a small reinstatement of Seroquel is an option, to help relieve some of these symptoms. 

 About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms 

Have a read , and see what you think . If you reinstate a small amount, it will possibly  help to settle symptoms and then you can do a slow taper, and remain functional throughout the withdrawal process.  There are no guarantees, but it's worth thinking about to maintain stability. There is a lot more information for you to read, but I won't overwhelm you , now.

This is your thread to ask questions and keep track of your progress. Have a read and come back with more questions.

Ali

Thanks Ali

 

Tried reinstating a couple of times but was non-functional so doesn't seem like an option now.

 

Cant seem to find the 'signature' button?

 

Juwel

[AliG]

Juwel, When was that ?  Date /year  ?   How long have you been on Seroquel ( Quetiapine) ?  Have you been on other  medications ? If so, which ones and for how long ?  What were your symptoms?  Just trying to get a better picture of your history. It will help everyone here to offer advice and suggestions.

[Fresh]

Hi Juwel , it sounds like you're having a terrible time at the moment.

 

With a sensitized nervous system , we recommend trying reinstating at 1 or 2mg , no more. A big

dose will often start a kindling reaction , as you mentioned.

 

Try and read the link on reinstating that Ali provided a link for.

 

If you click FOLLOW at the top right , you'll receive an email each time someone posts here.

 

Fresh

 

.

[AliG]

Juwel,

Go to your name . Top right. Go to Settings. Second line down  - Signature.  Put in your history & then SAVE CHANGES.    

[Juwel]

Juwel, When was that ?  Date /year  ?   How long have you been on Seroquel ( Quetiapine) ?  Have you been on other  medications ? If so, which ones and for how long ?  What were your symptoms?  Just trying to get a better picture of your history. It will help everyone here to offer advice and suggestions.

Tried reducing seroquel m/r beginning of Otober by cutting the table (bad idea)had no other option. Psychiatrist at the time said just stop if you want - no withdrawal, no side effects! Was already struggling to remember to take tablet.

Took one Q in December on adivce of Crisis Team -result : dazed, bad side effects, increase in memory loss so stopped. Dont remember much about last year now

 

Been on dozens of tricyclics and most of the SSRIS between 1989 and 2014, also valium, librium, temazepam, nitrazepam, propanalol, oxazepam, to name but a few Never tapered, never questioned, just did as I was told

 

Also was on Tegretol, then depakote (2010 - 2014)

 

Also cisordinol during the 90s, and haloperidol, then risperdal and chlorpromazine during the 2000s 'bipolar years'.

 

Recent history:

Stopped effexor (tapered) in 2014 after 17 years, stopped depakote CT December 2014, kept using diazepam prn (2mg) through 2014.Supplemented (ignorantly, )with nytol and sominex OTC through 2014

 

Started Q 1st February 2014 till October 2015 CT stop

 

Stopped diazepam prn (2mg) early december after more or less 25 years use - varying dosages

 

Symptoms endless including: (copying from Rxisk report) drowsy, palpitation, nightmares, writing in sleep, shattered, chills and sweats, handwriting illegible, zero appetite, sound s too noisy, lights too bright,cant formulate simple thoughts cant keep track of thoughts, cant read more than a few words at a time, forget what am in the middle of,cant make sense of simple instructions, total withdrawal fromm all outside activities,cant work out HOW to do simple tasks.

 

Sorry cant manage more - think ended up with serious case of chemobrain/benzobrain

 

(Can still just about type but not able to do ordinary twoway conversation).

 

Oh just remembered. Q made me hostile and aggressive, rgumetative, change incpersonality - quite horrific.

 

J

[Juwel]

Hi Juwel , it sounds like you're having a terrible time at the moment.

 

With a sensitized nervous system , we recommend trying reinstating at 1 or 2mg , no more. A big

dose will often start a kindling reaction , as you mentioned.

 

Try and read the link on reinstating that Ali provided a link for.

 

If you click FOLLOW at the top right , you'll receive an email each time someone posts here.

 

Fresh

 

.

Thanks for advice Fresh

 

Sadly only have 50 mg m/r and last psychiatrists and gp refusedto change it. \in \ukcant simply go to another medic.Am now down officially on their books as NOT Taking medication and they wont change their minds. Tried previously cutting the 50 up but lost how todo itafter cutting into quarters (had to give up that)

[AliG]

Juwel, are you on  regular ( immediate release) or XR  ( extended release ) ?  Immediate release is soluble in water. Maybe , read through this link and see what you think . You can get a liquid compounded by a pharmacy or custom capsules for the XR .

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1707-tips-for-tapering-off-seroquel-quetiapine/

Ali

[Juwel]

Juwel, are you on  regular ( immediate release) or XR  ( extended release ) ?  Immediate release is soluble in water. Maybe , read through this link and see what you think . You can get a liquid compounded by a pharmacy or custom capsules for the XR .

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1707-tips-for-tapering-off-seroquel-quetiapine/

Ali

HI Ali,

Was onXR. Asked docs repeadetly to allow me liquid. In UK we dont havecompounding pharmacies. They wouldnteven give meREGULAR Just said there'd be no withdrawal.

 

Appreciate your effortsn- thinnki've exhausted all avenues.

 

Cometo forum too late (Damn typing worse than thought!).  Am afraid amtoo negative. Just want to rant about the njustice. Unfortunately relate to posters such as Detroyed by olanzapine and know thats not the purpose of SA.Sorry

 

J

[Juwel]

 

Juwel, When was that ?  Date /year  ?   How long have you been on Seroquel ( Quetiapine) ?  Have you been on other  medications ? If so, which ones and for how long ?  What were your symptoms?  Just trying to get a better picture of your history. It will help everyone here to offer advice and suggestions.

Tried reducing seroquel m/r beginning of Otober by cutting the table (bad idea)had no other option. Psychiatrist at the time said just stop if you want - no withdrawal, no side effects! Was already struggling to remember to take tablet.

Took one Q in December on adivce of Crisis Team -result : dazed, bad side effects, increase in memory loss so stopped. Dont remember much about last year now

 

Been on dozens of tricyclics and most of the SSRIS between 1989 and 2014, also valium, librium, temazepam, nitrazepam, propanalol, oxazepam, to name but a few Never tapered, never questioned, just did as I was told

 

Also was on Tegretol, then depakote (2010 - 2014)

 

Also cisordinol during the 90s, and haloperidol, then risperdal and chlorpromazine during the 2000s 'bipolar years'.

 

Recent history:

Stopped effexor (tapered) in 2014 after 17 years, stopped depakote CT December 2014, kept using diazepam prn (2mg) through 2014.Supplemented (ignorantly, )with nytol and sominex OTC through 2014

 

Started Q 1st February 2014 till October 2015 CT stop

 

Stopped diazepam prn (2mg) early december after more or less 25 years use - varying dosages

 

Symptoms endless including: (copying from Rxisk report) drowsy, palpitation, nightmares, writing in sleep, shattered, chills and sweats, handwriting illegible, zero appetite, sound s too noisy, lights too bright,cant formulate simple thoughts cant keep track of thoughts, cant read more than a few words at a time, forget what am in the middle of,cant make sense of simple instructions, total withdrawal fromm all outside activities,cant work out HOW to do simple tasks.

 

Sorry cant manage more - think ended up with serious case of chemobrain/benzobrain

 

(Can still just about type but not able to do ordinary twoway conversation).

 

Oh just remembered. Q made me hostile and aggressive, rgumetative, change incpersonality - quite horrific.

 

J

 

Sorry error

 

STarted Q 1st Feb 2015so was 'only' on it nearly 9 months but enough to wreak havoc

[Fresh]

You might consider presenting at a local hospital and telling them you're having withdrawal symptoms.

Request some tablets and a script for seroquel and try reinstating with a tiny dose to

see if it helps.

 

You've been on quite a cocktail since 1989 , you may see a doctor with a bit of understanding.

 

If not , and you remain drug-free , there are lots of ideas and suggestions in the Symptoms and Self care forum that may be helpful during the next few months.

There are lots of members here who are dealing with having stopped cold turkey and you'll find some

kindred spirits.

[AliG]

Juwel, What do you feel you want to do from here on in ?  You seem to be sending mixed messages .   I'm not sure if you want to vent or receive help . Please let us know what you want to do

Best wishes , Ali .

[bubble]

After 27 years on drugs I wouldn't advise riding things out.

 

You don't need the doctors to agree to your tapering plans because they never will. You just need them to prescribe drugs which they are always willing to do.

 

You can make your own liquid for tapering and reinstating. It's very easy actually.

[Juwel]

You might consider presenting at a local hospital and telling them you're having withdrawal symptoms.

Request some tablets and a script for seroquel and try reinstating with a tiny dose to

see if it helps.

 

You've been on quite a cocktail since 1989 , you may see a doctor with a bit of understanding.

 

If not , and you remain drug-free , there are lots of ideas and suggestions in the Symptoms and Self care forum that may be helpful during the next few months.

There are lots of members here who are dealing with having stopped cold turkey and you'll find some

kindred spirits.

Ended up at hospital a few times.Withdrawal "doesn't exist". Hospital calls in psych team, then comes metal capacity assssment by same doctor as before. Theiropinion I'm acting out, just send me home.

 

Thank you and take care

J

[Juwel]

After 27 years on drugs I wouldn't advise riding things out.

 

You don't need the doctors to agree to your tapering plans because they never will. You just need them to prescribe drugs which they are always willing to do.

 

You can make your own liquid for tapering and reinstating. It's very easy actually.

Surprise suprise only doctors whose opinipn counts is psych team who blankly refuse to reconsider medication. This has been ongoing for months now.

 

Thank you and take care

 

J

[Juwel]

Juwel, What do you feel you want to do from here on in ?  You seem to be sending mixed messages .   I'm not sure if you want to vent or receive help . Please let us know what you want to do

Best wishes , Ali .

Cant seem to capture thoughts long enough to express. Find am debilitated by compulsive yeling and swearing and repitition of words and short phrases.Doesnt get me anywhere as you can imagine. (Can miss out the screams and swears when writing  but hinders thought process). Still hoping for a window - not had one at all yet. (Can also re-read and correct writing wheras RealLife outbursts have left me alienated. Will it ever stop Jeez how articulate I appear on paper. Comes from being a linguist in aformer life.

 

Thank you and take care

 

J

PS am 56 now I wish I wish I wish (futile I know)... have lost everything and prospect of this going on for possibly years fills me with horror

[Juwel]

I sometimes think it could be simply the effect of chronic sleep deprivation that my brain is broken, if I could just get proper real REM sleep again i'd be able to regain memory, information-processing, recall. Could then make decisions about the simplest things and not so simple things, like medication.

 

On Q, starting about a year ago my sleep turned into a kind of unconsciousness, full of dream-thinking and dream-writing. I became increasingly scatter-brained and clumsy and forgetful and lacking coordination.

 

Since july last year  i've been 'sleeping' on he sofa, wearing the same old clothes day and night,month after month.Brain simply has no off-switch, I never feel tired. Sleep is always now a maximum of 2 to 2 and a half hours - though my sense of timeis distorted and usually feels like I've slept through the night. I lie in suspended animation through the small hours, dipping in andout of a strange non-restorative sleep. total sleep per night is probably about 4 hours.

 

This sleep is disturbed by profuse sweats and painful body chills. I also fear sleeping as the morning only ever brings a repeat of the previous intolerable day,beginning with total amnesia and confusion - but I crave it at the same time.

 

But then I remember that my diet is seriously limited, no hunger, aversion to most foodstuffs (throwback to the old anorexia looming larger these days), not managing to eat enough to keep my weight up (gives me NO anorexic satisfction these days)... this can't be helping either

 

Come on Juwel, keep fighting..God give me my brain back

 

Or is this simply the effect of long-term polydrugging? A bit of everything?

(The compulsive copralalia has gone 'inside' now, still there but not coming out of my mouth - could pretty much set the clock by it)

 

Will do yet another day Q-free and valium-free tomorow (no doubt the screaming and begging will return) and will cry my broken-heart for the friends and siblings who have turned away without even a word, but will survive - one more day.

 

(Waxing lyrical online is a damn sight easier than working out how to get washed inREalLife ).

 

Thank you all for your replies. Please just stay with me a little longer while I hobble slowly forward through this withdrawal haze. I may even eventually figure out what it is I want from the forum - and hope I can also give something in return.

 

Juwel

[Fresh]

Juwel , take your time. I'm glad you found this site.

It must be unbelievably frustrating to suffer from copralalia on top of drug issues ,when you clearly have such a bright and intelligent brain.

As is the case in so many places , community mental health services don't know how to deal with your condition , and have relied on medication to contain you.

 

How are you going to manage food shopping? Nutrition is key - you need to eat.

 

I was thinking last night , have you considered writing to your health minister?

[Juwel]

Juwel , take your time. I'm glad you found this site.

It must be unbelievably frustrating to suffer from copralalia on top of drug issues ,when you clearly have such a bright and intelligent brain.

As is the case in so many places , community mental health services don't know how to deal with your condition , and have relied on medication to contain you.

 

How are you going to manage food shopping? Nutrition is key - you need to eat.

 

I was thinking last night , have you considered writing to your health minister?

 

Day 72 ct from quetiapine XL (more or less); Day 27 -(ish) since CT diazepam

Hi Fresh(AM PAYING MORE ATTENTION TO TYPING! Typing reflects generl clumsiness)

 

The compulsive angry yelling of short phrases and monosyllables and swearing is very alienating. It went on for 12 hours yeasterday. It gets much worse if I venture into public places (a rare ocurrence). Also 'confirmed' my status as personality disordered.

 

Would love to hear from anyone else who has battled against this label - in the UK generally thislabel gets you marginalised (very mcuh a diagnosis of exclusion) even more by health services and medics - have been simply told to "pull up my socks" as it were..

Every word that comes out of my mouth is interpreted as personality disorder.

 

Food shooping very difficult and erratic - a small store a couple of minutes walk from house.Its just that every time I vebture out its like its for the first time - again.

And Just going out there  provokes a mass ive stress/panic response but have noone to do it for me.

Managed to micowave a ready meal today (first time for I dont know how long) but also managed to burn my fingers on the plastic, and burn mouth  on food.Cant eem to judge time and temperature.

 

Realise that good nutrition is important - just have never done it and breaking the habit of a lifetime  when so debilitated is proving an added stressor.

 

Thank you for thinking of me. Re health mnister - have found that appealing to authority of any pursasion doesn't result in action ad the coal face.

 

As I'm now  off drugs and reinstating voluntarily seems only to make it worse I gues I have to go with it.

 

So in the meantime, just a few words of encouragement  might help?

 

Was wondring if anyone else has the foolowing symptom?(damn clumsty typing - sorry cant correct cos lose the thread:

 

When I try to coordinate, for example uing BOTH hands at the same time, its like my brain onlly processes one half at a time eg using a knife and fork together is impossible.

Same applies to LOOKING/READING/WATCHING using BOTH eyes together. This symptom is very debilitating as we take for granted that both sides of the body automatically work together.MINE DONT

 

Memory crahshing so will stop. Its like  my brain is a rewritiable CD and after a few minutes the previous information is erased.Switching tabs ie moving beween pages doing a search has the same effect - I forget what Im looking for . Also pretty delititating (oh F///!) I meant to type debilitating.

 

Noticing that when I put stuff in brackets I invrariably forget the second bracket Wha the hell is going on with me?

 

So much to tell and ask  I tend to despair every day as I've no human contact on the ground (makes me so desperate, angry, hopeless etc.).

If I could type well it (damn I used to do it for a living) would be a sign for me that at least coordination is improving. Brain/thoughts and body out of sync big time (Already feel mounting terror at the tought of tomorrow and what it MIGHT bring). Time to face RealLife as opposed to a keyboard

 

Jewel

"TODAY , RIGHT THIS SECOND, IS ALL I'VE GOT"

[brassmonkey]

Hi Juwel--  Welcome to the group.  Boy does that all sound familiar. There are days I can't hit two correct key is a row and others I go 40wpm by touch, very frustrating.  A large part of my making a living is working with my hands and I really have to concentrate at times because they just won't do what I want. Slow,one step at at time, move that finger there, now twist.  Then there is trying to walk through doorways or down the hall with out drawing too much attention to my self crashing in to things.

 

Over time things have gotten better though, it;s not nearly as bad as it use to be.  Hang in there it will improve.

[Juwel]

UPDATE

 

Nutrition

 

Walked to little shop - 2 mins

Bought 2 packs of microwaveable mixed vegetables (reminder to self - EAT THEM!) Can but try

 

Scial contact

 

Texted sister- no reply (expected, unfortunately)

 

Symptoms

 

Walking and moving like on a ship in gale force 10

shortness of breath

Increased tinnitus

Burning mouth/tongue and lips numb

"Fizzing" in toes/feet

Very tired but "wired"

Head "bobbing"

Vision in and out f focus, eyelids unbelievably heavy

 

Juwel

[Juwel]

Hi Juwel--  Welcome to the group.  Boy does that all sound familiar. There are days I can't hit two correct key is a row and others I go 40wpm by touch, very frustrating.  A large part of my making a living is working with my hands and I really have to concentrate at times because they just won't do what I want. Slow,one step at at time, move that finger there, now twist.  Then there is trying to walk through doorways or down the hall with out drawing too much attention to my self crashing in to things.

 

Over time things have gotten better though, it;s not nearly as bad as it use to be.  Hang in there it will improve.

Thank you brassmonkey. It does somehow come as a relief of sorts to read what you put -"crashing into things"!!!!

 

"TODAY, RIGHT THIS SECOND, IS ALL I'VE GOT"

[PoetJester]

Hey Jewel,

 

I have been reading your thread of posts and I can emphathize.  When you mentioned head "bobbing" I can totally relate.  I quit the pills cold turkey last year after 15 yrs.  I originally went 6 days without sleep while constantly vomiting.  My insomnia was so bad, there were times last year when I felt like a bobblehead figurine, one of those dolls with a spring for a neck that causes it's head to bob up and down and side to side.  On my walks, I would sometimes pinch the skin on my arm to try to stay awake.  I kept waiting for the time when I would just collapse and do a faceplant on the pavement I was so tired.  it has gotten better, but now I have huge sagging bags under my eyes.  I am also a poet and prolonged sleep deprivation is not exactly conducive to creative output. 

 

Sometimes I sway back and forth when I walk and often I bump into walls.  i feel like a zombie.   For a while, everytime I left my apt, my fly or zipper would be undone.  It's embarrassing and humiliating to be so ravaged by sleeplessness.  i send out emails of letters and poetry to family and relatives and very rarely get any replies.  I sometimes wonder if my internet service is connected to anything or if there is just wire feeding into a hole in the wall!!!

 

I tried taking an anti-depressant and ambien for sleep last august but they just made me dizzy and i had a horrible time with memory loss.  i was a wreck.

 

i have tried sleeping on the couch, on couch cushions on the floor, on a bed in my garage, and even on couch cushions i bring to a small wooded park across the street.  a problem i have, that i have seen others on this forum having, is that i dream before i fall asleep.  when i close my eyes i see cartoon images before i am even close to sleeping.  It's maddening and there is no way to sleep in it. 

 

i found going for long walks of 4 to 6 miles at night helps me sleep better.

I hope things get better for you.  Thought i would leave you with a short poem of mine.

 

On Insomnia

It's the time of the season

For the dissolution of reason

[Hopefull]

Hi Jewel,

My heart goes out to you.

It is really sad that your family has turned their back on you in your hour of need.

I don't understand why people do that to one another.

Everyone needs some kind of support from a fellow human being.

Whether it is a family member, friend, community, support is needed to propell us forward.

Understanding and sympathetic ear does not go astray.

Can you get support from a psychologist /health care worker etc?

I was reading your introduction and I felt really sad, that others have abandoned you.

It really puts things into perspective.

I truly that you can find someone to help you through the darkest times.

There must be a kind spirit out there that will help you through this.

Don't give up and keep going.

Time is a healer. Hold on and don't let go.

Best wishes, Hopefull

[AliG]

Hi Jewel, I'm so sorry that you're going through such a tough time both physically & emotionally.  You do have lots of support here to help you through this. Have you given any more thought to reinstating, or do you still feel this is not an option for you ?

 

After 27 years on drugs I wouldn't advise riding things out.

You don't need the doctors to agree to your tapering plans because they never will. You just need them to prescribe drugs which they are always willing to do.

You can make your own liquid for tapering and reinstating. It's very easy actually.

 

I would suggest also, that some sort of reinstatement would be a good idea, to help ease your symptoms a little, and to remain functional throughout.

Ali

[SquirrellyGirl]

Hi Juwel 

 

I am also saddened by your situation and devastation from these drugs!  Yes, I've struggled with the keyboard, have banged my way off the walls walking down a hallway, and have sprained both ankles numerous times because my feet just don't seem connected to my body!  The eyes even now, lots of blinking - dry, painful, blurry, assuming I'm spelling correctly...It's funny that now when I read peoples' posts on here and see typing and grammatical errors I think "yup, withdrawal." ;-)

 

I just have to say I admire your strength to pick yourself up and continue on each day.  As bad as it has been, you are still here and I am glad for it!  If you see that I'm online, pop me a message and I'll chat with you.   We all need support in this trying time in our lives, and I have found it incredibly helpful to be able to connect with others who "get it."

 

I just don't get it that the NHS refuses to prescribe. Can you find a private doc who will work with you?  I agree with the others; use the doctor for scripts and don't try to get them to agree with what you are trying to do.  Stupid p-docs, just want to collect their money for their 10 minute med check, everything good?  Yup, ok, here's your script - see you in two months!

 

Whatever you do, you are healing!  

 

SG

[Juwel]

70 + days off Seroquel 28 ish days of benzo (both cold turkey, the latter follwing an OD which I hestitated to mention - big screwup)

 

PoetJester, AliG, Hopefull and SquirellyGirl,

 

Will try to get back to you soon.

 

Weather here  turning icy cold - causing disproportionate stress: am stuck in 6 month old compulsive wearing of same clothes ( really cannot get other clothe out ) so desperately trying NOT to get sick cos wont be able to call for help (tend to go outside, again compulsively, for a cigarette throughout the day - not good for me I know but simply cannot stop)

 

Seems ANY contact, or prospective contact with outside world provokes disproportionate sustained panic, end up just yelling, grunting and cant filter to relevatn info.

 

Cognitive (executive) dysfunction) just deteriorates, could almost accept physical stuff if that was intact (Yes, I know, Im typng- think its because the keyboard is just in front of me and can correct as i go along?). Tried out a couple brain/memory tests online. Could barely follow instructions.Results shockingly bad.

 

Best wishes to you all

 

Juwel

[AliG]

Jewel.  You are not on your own.  A lot of us have been through this to a greater or lesser degree !  Don't panic. This is " NORMAL " .  Keep in touch.  Best wishes, Ali

[Juwel]

Jewel.  You are not on your own.  A lot of us have been through this to a greater or lesser degree !  Don't panic. This is " NORMAL " .  Keep in touch.  Best wishes, Ali

Thank you AliG

 

Yes this is NORMAL - we know that, dont we? So why the f@@@ does the rest of the world disbelieve us, humiliate us, make it so much harder to survive through?

 

juwel/Jewel

[AliG]

Jewel.  Well that is a " loaded question"  isn't it ?  My answer is  :  Follow the money  !!    $$$$   Drug companies rule . It's just like the " tobacco industry " was. 

Ali

[SquirrellyGirl]

HI Juwel, 

 

I spend time on Patient. info reining in people who are clearly suffering the harms of ADs and other psych drugs, caught up in the whirlwind of stopping, starting, switching etc, and now in quite a bind. Try to get them over here to SA. Yesterday I brought up the fact that these drugs CHANGE OUR BRAINS and some guy challenged me, is that a fact?  And he said something like "what are those of us starting these drugs supposed to do with that?"  He was upset that my message was not so positive!  People on there are always saying "please no negativity, we need positive stories about this drug or that.."  They don't want to know!  I fear that when people are looking for solutions to their mental suffering, they are allured by the idea that this pill is going to fix everything and they don't want anyone providing information that would put a road block in front of them taking it!  People don't want to think about the future possibilities, it seems; they just want to graspt at the prospect that these drugs can help them now!

 

I swear, I've read so many stories of people starting citalopram and having horrible start up side effects for months, and other users come on encouraging them to push through, it will take several months but it is so worth it!  I think by the time their bodies get used to the drug and the bad effects settle down, they are so happy to feel not sick that they credit the drug for making them "feel better!"   Anyone would feel better for having the horrible side effects stop!  Such a disconnect!  As Peter Breggin calls it, spellbinding.

 

I wanted to add that I know there was a woman who came on SA a couple of months ago reporting that her husband was in this hell and was yelling all day long, couldn't NOT yell.  Your story reminded me of that one but I can't find the intro!  I don't know the answer to that one, but thought it interesting that this is some kind of withdrawal symptom.  I'm assuming you can't help yourself, that it happens in public but you can't control it?

 

You are obviously a very bright woman who is incredibly strong in my book, though I know that doesn't help :-(

 

Thinking of you, 

SG

[Juwel]

Hi Juwel 

 

I am also saddened by your situation and devastation from these drugs!  Yes, I've struggled with the keyboard, have banged my way off the walls walking down a hallway, and have sprained both ankles numerous times because my feet just don't seem connected to my body!  The eyes even now, lots of blinking - dry, painful, blurry, assuming I'm spelling correctly...It's funny that now when I read peoples' posts on here and see typing and grammatical errors I think "yup, withdrawal." ;-)

 

I just have to say I admire your strength to pick yourself up and continue on each day.  As bad as it has been, you are still here and I am glad for it!  If you see that I'm online, pop me a message and I'll chat with you.   We all need support in this trying time in our lives, and I have found it incredibly helpful to be able to connect with others who "get it."

 

I just don't get it that the NHS refuses to prescribe. Can you find a private doc who will work with you?  I agree with the others; use the doctor for scripts and don't try to get them to agree with what you are trying to do.  Stupid p-docs, just want to collect their money for their 10 minute med check, everything good?  Yup, ok, here's your script - see you in two months!

 

Whatever you do, you are healing!  

 

SG

NHS is in crisis.

Searched for private doc, even taken to private clinics by friened (now off the scene. sadly) who said i t was too complicated .

 

Booked to see gp tomorrow (Lord knows why! - said it all before, no idea what to say now) feeling very hopeless today. Scared I might antagonise him (likely to happen despite myself) or I beg for meds, any meds

 

Loss of friends and family something am having huge difficulty with.

 

Just want my brain back

J