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Catzilla says Hi, 7 months off meds


Catzilla

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Sorry to hear you're having a tough time - not only with withdrawal but with things in life as well. How is it going? Are you taking any supplements for your vitamin deficiencies? Maybe you will feel a little better if you get your vitamin levels up. Hopefully your partner's lymphoma is of a benign kind! It must be really hard to go through all of this at the same time! I would like to give you an answer to your question above. It is a difficult question. How are you coping? 

1997-1999 Citalopram 20 mg

1999-2014 Sertraline 50 mg

2012 Sertraline very quick taper due to side effects. Switched to Wellbutrin 150 mg-300 mg. Reinstated Sertraline 25 mg-50 mg.

2013 Exhaustion. Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sertraline 75 mg-100 mg.

Sept 2014 Found this site. Started tapering. Sertraline 87,5 mg + Wellbutrin 150 mg 

Aug 2015 No more Wellbutrin!! Sertraline 50 mg

2016 Sertraline 35 mg (January) - 33 mg (March 21st) - 32,5 mg (July 11) - 32 mg (July 27)

2017 March 28,2 mg and holding

 

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Everything is a mess. I still feel awful all the time. My partners lymphoma definitely isn't benign ☹ 6 to 8 cycles of chemotherapy and then some radiation. I'm taking b12 shots and some iron. I really don't know how to survive through this... Nothing hasn't improved for ages. I think I'm permanently damaged.

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Catzilla, that's really hard on you when many things are a mess all at once.  I am so sorry to hear what your partner and yourself are going through.  I don't yet know what it's like to be so far along in the w/d journey, but I have gained a lot of hopefulness - and practical ideas - from the BeyondMeds blog, written by one of our members. 

 

In particular I like to share this link:  It Gets Better:  Living Well while being Sick  It's about managing the long-term nature of healing from psych meds, which can be hard on us emotionally, and about finding peace along the way.  I find it very encouraging.

 

Karen

x

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Catzilla, I hope you and your partner get lots of TLC from friends and family through this and beyond.  If either of you finds internet support helpful, please search for the many online support forums and groups for people dealing with cancer and for the people who love them. 

 

It's especially important that you practice self-care; it's so easy to put all your focus on your partner. I went through this with one of my parents not that long ago. If you want some ideas, I'd be happy to share. If not, I won't clutter up your thread.  I'll be thinking of you.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Of course I'm more stressed due to the circumstances but I don't think I would be feeling any better even if things weren't like this.

 

I'm amazed how little conversation there is here in SA about tardive dysphoria for example, and the fact that there actually is some prove that these things might be permanent at least for some of us. It feels like being in denial somehow, when all people talk about here is "iatrogenic brain damage" and protracted withdrawal and such. This too shall pass- may not be the reality for all of us. No amount of meditation will fix things if there just isn't anything that can be fixed anymore...

 

I'm starting to think that maybe some folks don't come back to report how they're doing because they feel better and want to put this behind them rather than continue to feel horrible or may not even be here anymore..

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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  • Moderator Emeritus

There are several other people posting about post-withdrawal (years after last drug) anxiety, emotional flatness, and other emotional symptoms in their introduction threads. I'll grant you that it's a fair bit of work to find them if you're not scanning/reading most introduction threads most days.

 

Iatrogenic refers only to the source of the change -- medical treatment -- not its duration. Those CNS changes can be short-lived or consistent and longer-lasting, taking several years to fully heal. If psychopharma treatment and/or withdrawal lasted many years, it could be difficult to assess what is actually due to the drugs and what might be changes from the passage of time that affect every living organism.

 

Some people find it helpful to be optimistic and to find/test the limits of neuroplasticity. Others find it's a better fit for them to acknowledge the changes and damage the way it is.

 

We can only speculate why people don't return to update. Dan988 posted a helpful link about people moving on once withdrawal resolves from Baylissa Frederick, a UK therapist familiar with psych drug withdrawal: Where are the success stories?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Catzilla, I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. I don’t know how I can help… I just want to say that I also know what it means to have fear for loved one who suffers from cancer… This is so hard to endure.  I am agree that online communities of people dealing with oncological disease are very helpful – for you and for your partner as well.

 

No amount of meditation will fix things if there just isn't anything that can be fixed anymore...

 

 

If, for example, someone has lost his finger (permanent damage) – surely, no meditation will help to get this finger back. But meditation can help to change the attitude towards the situation (the loss of a finger is a terrible and painful loss, but person can live and function without it – this is fact). Meditation also helps to provide peace of mind and to control emotions. And I guess this is the first step towards recovery…

 

But wait, the above example is only suitable for the situation of the ‘permanent damage’. And I believe it is not your case. All your symptoms are very common symptoms of withdrawal. People do recover and you will recover too.

 

Please, hold on. Don’t forget to take self-care.

1992 - Antidepressants, Antipsychotics and benzodiazepines in hospital for about 1,5 month, with PTSD diagnosed. Then I abruptly stopped taking pills. W/d for few months and then no symptoms for many years.

2013 – Doctor prescribes Paxil, Amitriptyline, Risperidone due to insomnia, anxiety and weight loss. Then it starts a long story about changing diagnosis and adding/changing meds. I started to taper in December 2014. Severe withdrawal symptoms for  4 months. Then the 1st window.

April 2015 – meds free. June, July – the first big window which lasted until mid-October. Then a wave again, but this time with new strange symptoms I’ve never had before.

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I'm so afraid I won't make it. I feel probably the worst I ever had. This constant feeling of despair and horror all over my body. I don't see any kind of future, I just can't imagine anything anymore...

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Catzilla --   he despair you're feeling is a withdrawal symptom.  I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. Hang on, you WILL get through this.

 

If you need someone to talk to, please call a distress hotline.  I found this one for Finland:

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/finland-suicide-hotlines.html

 

Itsemurhien ehkäisykeskus, SOS - palvelu

Liikkuva yksikkö
KRIISILINJA
Hotline: 09-731391
Hotline: 040-5032199

 

http://www.mielenterveysseura.fi/fi

... I don't read Finnish.

the English site is at: http://www.mielenterveysseura.fi/en/home/support-and-help

For foreigners (09) 4135 0501

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Sorry you are feeling so very bad!

Just hang on, it will get better!! Eventually it will! Check out the success stories here on the forum! There are people who have been in a really really bad place for a long time who have got better!

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/28-success-stories-recovery-from-withdrawal/

1997-1999 Citalopram 20 mg

1999-2014 Sertraline 50 mg

2012 Sertraline very quick taper due to side effects. Switched to Wellbutrin 150 mg-300 mg. Reinstated Sertraline 25 mg-50 mg.

2013 Exhaustion. Wellbutrin 150 mg. Sertraline 75 mg-100 mg.

Sept 2014 Found this site. Started tapering. Sertraline 87,5 mg + Wellbutrin 150 mg 

Aug 2015 No more Wellbutrin!! Sertraline 50 mg

2016 Sertraline 35 mg (January) - 33 mg (March 21st) - 32,5 mg (July 11) - 32 mg (July 27)

2017 March 28,2 mg and holding

 

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Still here, barely.. The mental torture is just getting too much. If something doesn't change soon, I just won't make it. I have a doctors appointment soon and we seriously need to talk about some kind of medical intervention. I have no idea what should be the first, lamotrigine? He has already suggested starting ssri on a small dose to alleviate withdrawal symptoms.. Yes, he really said that. This is so unbelievably hard. But I have to do something just to stay alive.

 

I am getting worse all the time, nothing has changed for the better for over a six months period. Feels like my brain is shutting down even more little by little.. And believe me, I definitely don't want to die, but the agony I'm in is just that unbearable. Nothing I have done (exercise, balanced diet, supplements etc.) doesn't seem to do any difference. Can anyone help?

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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catzilla,

I read your thread and noticed you are very vague about your symptoms yet you say you can't heal. Can you please share your symtomms and why is it you feel you can't heal? Is your only symptom fear? That's the only symtom you mention. That goes away for everyone.

Lexapro: started in 2002 at 10 mgs.

Ambien: started as a as needed sleep aid in 2010.

Quit Lexapro cold turkey in June 20015 due to contributing to low sodium issues.

Restarted Lexapro in late November for a week (only 5 mgs) but quit due to dizziness side effects. Side effects worsened for 3 weeks until

12/24/15: Protracted WD hit, experienced extreme anxiety, insomnia lack of full concentration and social challenges.

Reinstated Lexapro on 1/1/16 at 5 mgs. Increased per Dr to 7.5 MG. Tapered off Lexapro in March 2016.

Started 50MG of Seroquel in late January 2016 for bedtime to help in eliminate Ambien. Tapered off both Seroquel and Ambien in March 2016.

2/14/16: Prescribed both Remeron (15 MG) and Temazapam (15 MG) for sleep. Also use Klonopin and Ambien again in place of Temazapam to avoid addiction. However I did take Temazapam 60 straight days

6/15/16: Stopped use of all benzo's and now use Belsomra 1-2 times a week. Still on 15 MG of Remeron

10/11/16: Off all psych medications

 

After kindling, trying to regain my strength suffering from severe mental and physical fatigue.

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What does the term "your brain is shutting down" mean? You can't think, read, talk? Your symtoms you mention fear and despair only.. Any additional clarity might help someone to respond better.,

Lexapro: started in 2002 at 10 mgs.

Ambien: started as a as needed sleep aid in 2010.

Quit Lexapro cold turkey in June 20015 due to contributing to low sodium issues.

Restarted Lexapro in late November for a week (only 5 mgs) but quit due to dizziness side effects. Side effects worsened for 3 weeks until

12/24/15: Protracted WD hit, experienced extreme anxiety, insomnia lack of full concentration and social challenges.

Reinstated Lexapro on 1/1/16 at 5 mgs. Increased per Dr to 7.5 MG. Tapered off Lexapro in March 2016.

Started 50MG of Seroquel in late January 2016 for bedtime to help in eliminate Ambien. Tapered off both Seroquel and Ambien in March 2016.

2/14/16: Prescribed both Remeron (15 MG) and Temazapam (15 MG) for sleep. Also use Klonopin and Ambien again in place of Temazapam to avoid addiction. However I did take Temazapam 60 straight days

6/15/16: Stopped use of all benzo's and now use Belsomra 1-2 times a week. Still on 15 MG of Remeron

10/11/16: Off all psych medications

 

After kindling, trying to regain my strength suffering from severe mental and physical fatigue.

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I have mentioned total lack of any positive feelings. Nothin means nothing to me and I can't get any kind of positive feedback from anything. This has gotten worse progressively. It's hard to prescribe specific symptoms when they are vague.

It's not fear exactly, it's like I'm in total agony all the time. Not physically. Terror, horror whatever you call it, it's constant and I can't deal with it anymore.. I've never been suicidal before in my whole life. But now this horrible feeling it would be the only thing that would stop this 24/7 agony has lingered since February maybe. I don't have the words to describe what I'm feeling.

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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Catzilla,

 

I am very sorry you are struggling. I know that there are many people on this site that are bedridden. Cant read or talk, Have severe cognitive issues. They cant walk to the bathroom let alone exercise from fatigue. They sleep 2 hours a night if at all. Ringing tinnitus in their ears. Your symptoms are upsetting and I am sorry for you. But please look at other people's profiles that are really struggling and it should make you feel much better. Your symptom of lack of "positive feelings" will improve. There is no doubt about it. I am only saying this to make you feel better. 

Lexapro: started in 2002 at 10 mgs.

Ambien: started as a as needed sleep aid in 2010.

Quit Lexapro cold turkey in June 20015 due to contributing to low sodium issues.

Restarted Lexapro in late November for a week (only 5 mgs) but quit due to dizziness side effects. Side effects worsened for 3 weeks until

12/24/15: Protracted WD hit, experienced extreme anxiety, insomnia lack of full concentration and social challenges.

Reinstated Lexapro on 1/1/16 at 5 mgs. Increased per Dr to 7.5 MG. Tapered off Lexapro in March 2016.

Started 50MG of Seroquel in late January 2016 for bedtime to help in eliminate Ambien. Tapered off both Seroquel and Ambien in March 2016.

2/14/16: Prescribed both Remeron (15 MG) and Temazapam (15 MG) for sleep. Also use Klonopin and Ambien again in place of Temazapam to avoid addiction. However I did take Temazapam 60 straight days

6/15/16: Stopped use of all benzo's and now use Belsomra 1-2 times a week. Still on 15 MG of Remeron

10/11/16: Off all psych medications

 

After kindling, trying to regain my strength suffering from severe mental and physical fatigue.

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So Christian, according to you only physical symptoms or symptoms that can be measured somehow or are visible to others are relevant? There is no way to measure mental suffering. To me someone wishing they were dead tells alot about how horribly they're suffering.. I should feel better because others have more symptoms? Why? That doesn't make my suffering any less. You really just don't get it.

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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I really don't think understating someones symptoms is going to help anyone.

 

How could a doctor/any kind of mental health professional understand what I'm going through if not even someone in a similar situation doesn't. This is it the whole time. Just because I can't point it out or show "where it hurts" or describe it perfectly doesn't mean it isn't real! Sorry if my suffering doesn't suit you..

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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Catzilla,

 

I didnt mean to offend you. Please forgive my post. My lack of brevity was due to brain fog and fatigue. I was just trying to cheer you up. Of course your symptoms are awful.  Please disregard my comment. I hope you feel better soon. I truly mean that. 

Lexapro: started in 2002 at 10 mgs.

Ambien: started as a as needed sleep aid in 2010.

Quit Lexapro cold turkey in June 20015 due to contributing to low sodium issues.

Restarted Lexapro in late November for a week (only 5 mgs) but quit due to dizziness side effects. Side effects worsened for 3 weeks until

12/24/15: Protracted WD hit, experienced extreme anxiety, insomnia lack of full concentration and social challenges.

Reinstated Lexapro on 1/1/16 at 5 mgs. Increased per Dr to 7.5 MG. Tapered off Lexapro in March 2016.

Started 50MG of Seroquel in late January 2016 for bedtime to help in eliminate Ambien. Tapered off both Seroquel and Ambien in March 2016.

2/14/16: Prescribed both Remeron (15 MG) and Temazapam (15 MG) for sleep. Also use Klonopin and Ambien again in place of Temazapam to avoid addiction. However I did take Temazapam 60 straight days

6/15/16: Stopped use of all benzo's and now use Belsomra 1-2 times a week. Still on 15 MG of Remeron

10/11/16: Off all psych medications

 

After kindling, trying to regain my strength suffering from severe mental and physical fatigue.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Still here, barely.. The mental torture is just getting too much. If something doesn't change soon, I just won't make it. I have a doctors appointment soon and we seriously need to talk about some kind of medical intervention. I have no idea what should be the first, lamotrigine? He has already suggested starting ssri on a small dose to alleviate withdrawal symptoms.. Yes, he really said that. This is so unbelievably hard. But I have to do something just to stay alive.

 

I am getting worse all the time, nothing has changed for the better for over a six months period. Feels like my brain is shutting down even more little by little.. And believe me, I definitely don't want to die, but the agony I'm in is just that unbearable. Nothing I have done (exercise, balanced diet, supplements etc.) doesn't seem to do any difference. Can anyone help?

 

I remembered this post while re-reading your thread:

 

We are all on a journey to get through the bumpy waves of WD. But the truth is some of us are on motor boats in choppy water trying to get to shore, and some of us are paddling row boats in a tropical storm, trying to keep paddling as we try not to hurl over the side of the boat.

Catzilla, You've held tough for a long time through intense symptoms and difficult life situations. You've been so very patient trying many non-drug techniques. Or using Wildflower's boating metaphor: you've been using your hands to steer a raft through a hurricane. It's time to get a few others on or near your raft to help out.

 

I'm glad you've got an appointment coming up soon with a doctor. Your thinking is very clear, unaffected by the withdrawal, when you suggest a having serious discussion about medical intervention with him.

 

Given how awfully the last six months have been for you, reinstating an antidepressant with close supervision by an educated and understanding doctor certainly seems like a very good choice right now. Not being medical professionals, we can't make suggestions about which drug to try first.

 

If your upcoming appointment is with the neuropsychiatrist you met with in May, you'll be in good hands. He seems to understand that antidepressant withdrawal symptoms exist long after the drug is discontinued and has suggested a sensible first step.

 

Please continue being gentle with yourself. Let us know how you're doing and how things go with your doctor.

 

 

 

x

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment

Catzilla,

 

I am very sorry you are struggling. I know that there are many people on this site that are bedridden. Cant read or talk, Have severe cognitive issues. They cant walk to the bathroom let alone exercise from fatigue. They sleep 2 hours a night if at all. Ringing tinnitus in their ears. Your symptoms are upsetting and I am sorry for you. But please look at other people's profiles that are really struggling and it should make you feel much better. Your symptom of lack of "positive feelings" will improve. There is no doubt about it. I am only saying this to make you feel better.

You have a habbit of doing this....telling people it could be worse. For instance; I know you think insomnia and brain fog are the worst symptoms because they are two of the three symptoms you suffer. This is so rude and really makes people feel like they are complaining over nothing when in actual fact - losing every single emotion is pretty much the most horriffic in humane symptom one could live with. Stop doing it - stop telling people to pull their socks up and that 'things are not so bad' and 'take a look and other members', 'at least you can sleep and you can do this and that' blah blah blah.

2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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Sorry for ranting on your page Catzilla and I'm sorry for your suffering. I totally understand those symptoms and they are beyond hell. Thinking of you.

2008 - Doctors appointment with stress induced anxiety led to Citalopram prescription.

Severe adverse reaction

Mirtazapine prescribed - adverse reaction but told to stay on.

Poop out - December 2013

15mg

Currently on 13.5mg,

April 12mg

May 10th - 11mg

June 10th - 10mg

July 8th - 9mg

September - 0mg

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Catzilla,

Once again I apologize for my prior post. I wasn't talking about myself. I was trying to make you feel better not diminish your pain. I was wrong and won't post on your wall again. I think we all heal eventually. That was my point. I also didn't want you to do anything drastic like try another med or anything else. I have that same thought go through my mind often. But it's none of my business. Take care and no matter how upset you are with my post just know I know I was wrong.

Lexapro: started in 2002 at 10 mgs.

Ambien: started as a as needed sleep aid in 2010.

Quit Lexapro cold turkey in June 20015 due to contributing to low sodium issues.

Restarted Lexapro in late November for a week (only 5 mgs) but quit due to dizziness side effects. Side effects worsened for 3 weeks until

12/24/15: Protracted WD hit, experienced extreme anxiety, insomnia lack of full concentration and social challenges.

Reinstated Lexapro on 1/1/16 at 5 mgs. Increased per Dr to 7.5 MG. Tapered off Lexapro in March 2016.

Started 50MG of Seroquel in late January 2016 for bedtime to help in eliminate Ambien. Tapered off both Seroquel and Ambien in March 2016.

2/14/16: Prescribed both Remeron (15 MG) and Temazapam (15 MG) for sleep. Also use Klonopin and Ambien again in place of Temazapam to avoid addiction. However I did take Temazapam 60 straight days

6/15/16: Stopped use of all benzo's and now use Belsomra 1-2 times a week. Still on 15 MG of Remeron

10/11/16: Off all psych medications

 

After kindling, trying to regain my strength suffering from severe mental and physical fatigue.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Still here suffering. I started venlafaxine on 12,5mg two days ago, it has done nothing as I expected. What the heck do I do next?! I feel so bad that I just simply won't make it if we can't find even some kind of relief. I have no positive feelings, nothing towards anything. Just flat or horror/dread/doom, I've been feeling suicidal since January. Not that I'd want to die but the state I'm in is so horrible that it has to end one way or another. Does anyone have any ideas what to do next?

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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Catzilla.  Please give it a little time. It can take at least 4 days to become steady state in the blood and for your body to register the addition of the drug. If you can keep note of your symptoms over the next few weeks, that would be helpful and perhaps a pattern will emerge which will help to decide where to go from here. I'm hoping that perhaps you can stabilize and hopefully  have a reduction of symptoms and then we can taper down at a slow rate from here.  Try to stay calm and check in here regularly so that we can keep tabs on how you are traveling.

I hope it goes well.

Ali 

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Should I go higher with the dosage? Stay on this 12,5mg? For how long?  What next? I'm scared s***less...

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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I mean usually people get the relief really fast if the drug is going to work, don't they? So what is the situation if it takes time to build in like "regularly" with ADs.

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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  • Administrator

No, relief is not necessarily immediate. As AliG said, it takes at least 4 days for your system to fully register the presence of the drug, then it may take some time for the ship to right itself.

 

Are you a person who is usually very impatient and afraid of failure?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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I don't think that would describe me correctly. At the moment I'm just so exhausted by this horror and desperate for even some sing of improvement..

 

Has someone had relief after a while if they have been off meds over a year? I mean is it even possible? Earlier when I've tried the meds(to prove a point, that it really is wd) they have worked almost immediately.

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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So he suggested that I increase the dose to 75mg, and than try that for four weeks. Do you recommend that too? I was 4 days on 12,5, and today took 25mg. My mood hasn't changed a bit. Still in h*ll. Oh, yesterday I started sweating, so I think the drug is doing something. I feel so doomed..

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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  • 3 months later...

Hi Catzilla, how are you ? Did the reinstatement help you ? D

Started Fluoxetine 40mg In 2010

Switched to citalopram 2011.Fluoxetine made me very drowsy.

Came off citalopram 2014 over 2 weeks tapering as advised by GP. Mild WD symptoms, brain zaps.

Almost 2 years med free, happy and less anxiety.

June 2016 start 20mg citalopram for anxiety, experince akathisa, intrusive harming thoughts, hallucinations, hypermania, negative ruminations, insomnia, no appetite, dioreah, racing thoughts/mind chatter.

Droped to 10mg for 1 week after 10 days on 20mg, then 1 week at 15mg by alternating doses then 1 week at 20mg before dropping to 10mg again for 1 week then 5 days at 5mg. Quick taper due to reaction.

Started .5mg lorozepam/ 2.5mg diazepam every other day from week 2 on cit sometimes daily for about 2 weeks stopped CT as was put on 25mg quetiapine.

Stopped cit 01/8/16. Stopped quetiapine 3/8/16

Taking fish oil

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  • 2 weeks later...

Still here. I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine, been on venlafaxine from july 11th. It took 6 days for the worst feelings of doom and horror to go away. I'm nowhere near "normal","old me" or "happy" but my life is somewhat bereable most of the time. At the moment I'm still dealing with my partners hodgkins lymphoma and its treatments and my fathers deteriorating health, he's going to die soon.

 

I don't know where to go from here, noone seems to have any kind of answers or willingness to help. I still think I'm pretty much screwed in so many ways. My mental state is what it is, thanks to psychopharmacology. I have no money or assets and I work in a low income field and live in the most expensive city of the country. The economical and employment situations have lead to this. These are some sh*tty times to be living. Still feel like ending it all would be the best answer sometimes.

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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Hi Catzilla. I'm so sorry that you're still struggling hard and have difficult life situations to deal with.  75 mg Venlafaxine was a large leap up in dose from 12.5 mg.  How did that eventuate ? How are your symptoms now ? Did the increase help in any way ?

 

Are you still planning to taper off in the future ?

 

I don't know where to go from here, noone seems to have any kind of answers or willingness to help.

Unfortunately , often there are no easy answers. I don't think it's an unwillingness to help but more of an inadequacy of available resources. We are limited here to an extent in how much we can help, however the desire is there, obviously. We try to do our best.

 

Would you mind updating your signature with the latest reinstatements ?

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

I have been where you possibly are now - living with a certain sense of hopelessness. It does get better. Not all at once but in time with three steps forward and two steps back but always heading in a forward more positive direction.

 

Hang in there. You will get through this. It's just the drugs talking. Try not to listen to them.

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • Mentor

hi Catzilla, I am so sorry you're going thru this. It will get better, I know it's so hard, but you are getting thru it.
I am glad the worst of the doom stuff is gone.

 

you have a lot of stress in your life, that has to be factoring into how you feel. when the stress eases up, you will likely start to feel a lot better.

 

you are much stronger than you think, you went thru this awful stuff for many months thru sheer strength of your will, before getting to where you added back an AD

 

we are here for you and will do what we can. you keep taking good care of yourself ok?

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • 1 year later...

Hi @Catzilla, I was just wondering how you are doing? I can relate to the symptoms you were describing in 2016. How has it gone for you since then?

- 2003 to 2015: celexa, 20 mg, ~12 years

- 2015: easy switch off celexa and onto cymbalta, 30mg

     (over a decade of fantastic years in here, with one anxiety/depressive episode brought on by a breakup, which I got through with therapy, tools, etc)

- 2017: Nov/December: tapered off cymbalta, 20mg --> 0, over 1.5 mo. in conjunction with my (former) psychiatrist. Zero date: 12/15/17

     (I was just sort of curious to try being off meds after so many (great) years. I wondered the degree to which meds may have been affecting my sex drive/orgasm/access to deeper emotions. After going off was ok for about 3 mo... then: horrible anxiety, panic attacks (first time in 14 years and way stronger than I ever had before), agitation, suicidal depression, crushing physical sensation, anhedonia, dp/dr, emotional numbness. Horrible.)

- 2018, July 21: Tried going back on celexa, 5mg

    (HORRIBLE adverse reaction, discontinued after 10 days, stopped 7/31/18, thought I would need to be hospitalized)

- 2018, Aug 3: Tried remeron, got up to 15mg for 14 days, then tapered back down to 3.5 mg/d (super sedating, couldn't think and could feel even less)

- 2018, Sept 7 - Oct: Restarted Cymbalta, ~4mg (sept 9, stopped the 3.5 mg of remeron). Went up to 13 mg Cymbalta, then right back down to 4.5mg.

    (Now see it as withdrawal and am wanting to get off and heal.)

 

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  • 2 months later...

I'm here. Taking my venlafaxines like a good girl 🤣

My dose is 45 mg atm. I'm living pretty normal life (as normal as one can with this s**t). My dad died on march 2017. My partners Hodgkins lymphoma is on a remission, has been since 12/2016. We moved to our old home town. 

 

Mentally, I'm ok. I'm coping. Sometimes I feel really depressed, sometimes I'm even happy. Usually something in between. Something has changed for good because one knows too much about what can go wrong. 

I'm tapering down. So so slowly. Don't know if I'm ever gonna try to stop taking meds completely cause I've been through that hell and have no desire to go back there. But maybe I will be on the smallest dose possible. 

 

Haven't really been around. Needed to distance myself from all of this to get some kind of life back. 

 

Just fight like hell to stay here. Hope to everyone❤️

<p>*January 2008 started citalopram for generalized anxiety (moderate depressive episode-they said). Dosage was 40-60 mg most of the time* 2011 first time I tried to get off meds, tapered possibly too fast. Everything went well for about a month, but then started to feel awful and started taking them again. Hadn't heard about ssri withdrawal.* 2012-13 year of psychotherapy, second time to get off meds. Still hadn't heard of withdrawal. After a while (maybe about two months?) started to feel so depressed that went to a doctor.* 2013 switch to Venlafaxine, because felt so tired on Citalopram and had gained weight. Was on 150-300mg, but 150 for the most of the time.* summer 2014 started tapering - June 2015 completely off* Occasionally taken mirtazapine/oxazepam/quetiapin for sleeping* 12/2015-02/2016 Had the mother of all waves!!*

*07/2016 reinstated venlafaxine on a 12,5 mg dose. (Took 6 days to drag me out of that hell I was living in.) Gradually upped the dose.

*Now, 11/2016 I'm on 75 mg venlafaxine. The saga continues...

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  • Administrator

Thanks for dropping by, Catzilla. How are you tapering?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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