Alia02: Clomipramine (anafranil)

[Shep]

That's a beautiful post, Alia! I'm sorry you got sick from the flu shot, but you're handling everything remarkably well. 

 

I think gratitude plans a role in how we recover, too.  Hope you're up and about soon. 

[MNgal1960]

Hi Alia. Haven't been able to post much for awhile, but wanted to stop in and say hi and hope you are doing well.

[Alia02]

Thanks MNgal. I hope you are doing ok too. Im a little bit up and down. Physical symptoms at present, which I think, arent as hard to cope with as the mental symptoms. So just trying to cope with things a day at a time. take care. Take care and keep in touch

[Shep]

Hi, Alia. I hope you're healing from the flu shot. I agree - the mental symptoms have been harder for me, too. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. 

[MNgal1960]

Seems we're in the same boat, but at least we're sailing in the right direction!

[Alia02]

Thanks  Shep and MNgal. Hope you guys are ok too. 

[Alia02]

Dog barking incessantly because she has been put on a diet. Friends and family staying. Me...? Im lying in a dark room with "I'm Moot iful" cow pj's on. Everyone has gone out for dinner but I woke up with stomach cramps and now terrible aching body like a bad flu.  Its been a while since I dropped but I keep thinking Im getting the flu, and then the next day it has gone. It is a bit embarrassing when people are around that I dont really know. The last drop I did was a small amount of Seroquel, but Im waiting for the weird interrupted dreams to subside. In the last week or so I've dreamt Ive lived in every weird place on earth...searching for my home. Weird dreams. Im trying to feel grateful but sometimes its hard. I cant seem to focus on anything so have been roaming around the Internet looking at 10 most ancient mummies etc. Basically just waiting for it to pass. "This too shall pass." Oh well...back to "Countdown of 10 most famous UFO stories. I would love to have some concentration. At least Im not anxious or sad. Just sick.

[ChessieCat]

Hi Alia,

 

Sounds like you are doing exactly what you need to do (love the PJs) under the circumstances and keeping the right frame of mind.  Keep taking care of yourself.

[Shep]

Dog barking incessantly because she has been put on a diet. Friends and family staying. Me...? Im lying in a dark room with "I'm Moot iful" cow pj's on. Everyone has gone out for dinner but I woke up with stomach cramps and now terrible aching body like a bad flu.  Its been a while since I dropped but I keep thinking Im getting the flu, and then the next day it has gone. It is a bit embarrassing when people are around that I dont really know. The last drop I did was a small amount of Seroquel, but Im waiting for the weird interrupted dreams to subside. In the last week or so I've dreamt Ive lived in every weird place on earth...searching for my home. Weird dreams. Im trying to feel grateful but sometimes its hard. I cant seem to focus on anything so have been roaming around the Internet looking at 10 most ancient mummies etc. Basically just waiting for it to pass. "This too shall pass." Oh well...back to "Countdown of 10 most famous UFO stories. I would love to have some concentration. At least Im not anxious or sad. Just sick.

 

 

I like the UFO stories shows, too. I've been watching the X-Files on NetFlix - "The truth is out there." 

 

The concentration will come in time. At first, I could only watch really calm shows, like the old black and white comedies. Anything else would rev up my CNS. And anything complicated would just confuse me. But now I can watch anything. 

 

You're setting yourself up for success by getting into the habit of distraction. That was the hardest part. But I'm really glad I put so much effort into that part because now when I have a wave, I automatically turn on NetFlix or a guided meditation as a habit to help with my symptoms. If I'm at work, I have music playlists I turn to. It's automatic now. Best coping skill ever. 

[Alia02]

Thanks guys. A bad day today. I have taken the day off work. Headache, achy body. The flu shot and my last drop seem to have hit hard. My thoughts are telling me its cancer but I think that might be just a reactive mind. Back to ufo stories and trying to wake my dog up to cuddle her. But she has her own dream world today, so its just me. 

[Alia02]

My update. Have decreased the Seroquel / Quitiepine again. Same symptoms that Ive had for a while although much stronger. I thought that I would get sleeplessness, but instead I am having extreme fatique...like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. It has really affected my work. Im a contract journalist/ reporter and this means you have to have some energy/ adrenaline. The other day I was called to get out to a story pronto. When I got there I felt like crying as I was so confused. Important people were there from over the hill (the closest city) I had to take a photo of their important work and when I got home I hadnt loaded the camera properly. I cant take another photo as these people are two hours away by car and wont be coming back to the site where the story was. Oh god. My work has really slowed down, as each day I think I have the flu/ urine infection/ glandular fever/ and more serious. Walking my dog is like walking on the moon. My feet feel as though each step is sinking into a mud pool. I worried that I will have to stop work....as I dont know how to tell my bosses. Ive already had time off. I am stopped by people in the street who say.."you were going to interview us...what happened...?"

All I want to do is lie in bed. I thought I would be sleep deprived but actually I want to sleep more. I do have more anxiety though... and in my dreams Im constantly late for appointments etc. I have started taking iron as I thought this might help. It hasnt.

Im at the stage where a pill cutter is not accurate enough. I am the least mathematical person I know and literally read and reread the pills in water instructions on this site and I just dont understand it. I have rung a NZ company to ask whether they can make a tincture for me. Its very expensive but I think I will have to do it.

Its just this fatigue. If I could I would go with it and just lie in bed for a few days. But I have a life which Im literally absent in. My mind/ spirit is cut off but Im dragging my body around the streets pretending its me. But its getting noticeable it isnt. Im so irritable at my husband. He asks me where his hat is and I literally can take one more thing in my head to think of and I get irritable. I have asked him to keep the questions to a minimum but he's just an ordinary human expecting an ordinary response. Today is a beautiful sunny Autumn day but I think I'll go to bed and write an article in a horizontal position. I have looked at other people's experience of Seroquel drops and they almost seem the opposite of mine. Weird. But I cant see what else this feeling could be...It just seems as though I have taken the accurate amount to drop, but have been hit by a sledgehammer.

[nz11]

Alia02

Was heading out the door and saw your post sorry no one replied you only have to blink these days and a post is down to page 3 before you know it.

 

Correct me if i am wrong but I notice that you dropped the dose by more than  50% on april12.

That is a too fast drop the rec here is 10% per month. Were you aware of this ? You cant do this to yourself after many years use doing a cut like that has a predictable outcome. Oh yeah i know 10% taper is for everyone else except me right. Well you have to change your thinking.

Gotta go

nz11

bump

[KarenB]

Hey Alia,

 

So sorry it's all gotten so hard.  Is NZ right about the large cut?  It could explain a lot.  Then you unfortunately did another cut which was bigger than 10%.  Both those things will be causing you some grief.  Up-dosing to 18.9 (which would make your last cut a 10% cut) may help - what are your thoughts on that?  Then - hold for at least 4 weeks and maybe longer to let all this settle down again.

 

Do you have any holiday time owing to you at work?  It might help to get you through this time - fatigue is pretty tough on anyone. 

 

Let us know what you think,

Karen

[Alia02]

Thanks guys. Literally I think Im insane. I literally count count! Have spent ages calculating doses and I cant even frigging cut by ten per cent. I think I'll get my husband to check my cuts from now on. It all makes sense now. Ill take your advice Karen ...go up and hold for a while. Thanks. I was doubling it to 20% as I was never very good at maths and I thought 10 was double what it was. Very embarassing but true. I need another pair of eyes so will get my husband to help. Thanks.

[AliG]

Alia. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can under extremely trying circumstances. If that's what you have to do  in terms of getting your husband to check your cuts, then so be it . As your abilities come back with your steady taper, I'm sure you will be able to take over. Let him help you with this, just for now.  Thoughts on the up - dose ?

Ali

[Alia02]

Thanks AliG. Yes I up dosed last night and will change my signature back tomorrow. I am already feeling better. Am holding onto my job by the skin of my teeth...today was better

[AliG]

I'm so happy to hear that , Alia.  You can do this .

Ali

[KarenB]

I get my husband to check all my maths . 

[Alia02]

Yes hubby is now checking my dosages.   Im just putting this also in my history list. Seroquel has been harder for me to withdraw from than the Tri-cyclic( of which I am halfway through my decrease). Now after reading all these people coming off I understand things a bit clearer. Especially the hay fever and itching (which I thought was pollen in the garden) and strange how something I took for sleep made me so sleepy when I decreased. LOL. so many symptoms. Anyway, feeling better now I have gone back up and stabilised. 

http://mentalhealthdaily.com/2014/05/20/seroquel-quetiapine-withdrawal-symptoms-how-long-do-they-last/#comment-111127

[MNgal1960]

Alia, I use my daughter now to check my doses or I would be toast! Glad to hear you have stabilized.

 

MN

[ang]

Hello alia02     I totally agree the low dose of seroquel is damn hard to get off of.   I also read seroquel makes one depressed, and lethargic.       I have found using a pill cutter, no good,  I needed my pills more accurate, thus the compounding pharmacist.   He doesnt mess up.            Well worth the money if you can afford it.       

 

Anyhow, am I reading your signature incorrectly?  You were always on 25mg seroquel,  cut to   21mg,   And 1 month later cut to 17mg?       Yes they are big cuts,   they are 20% drops.       I suggest you perhaps you wait another two weeks or longer, and make next drop to 15mg .                    Perhaps get a compounding pharmacist to make up 100   pills of   7.5mg,                and when you make the cut, take two of them a day for 32 days.      That leaves 36 pills for when you get down to the 7.5mg dose.

 

Seroquel for me?    Stimulates appetite,  after I take the dose, I get hungry like 45 minutes later.           It makes me lethargic, and I often feel so fatigued I have to lie down.   When I do a cut,  I dont sleep well the next night, following night, I dont sleep at all, then back to sleeping about the fourth night.               I also have horrible dreams,  my thoughts especially on waking are like bolts of horrible visions, that make no sense, and as they hit I have horrific sense of anxiety and dread.  It passes when I get up and distract myself.  

 

I also was misled, and given seroquel as a sedative.   It is a nasty, but all these drugs are nasty.      I am also on St Johns Wort, which I cut along with decreasing the seroquel.  

 

I survived a 20% drop of seroquel, but I was not in a good way for three weeks.  Also I dont work, on disability at present,  all caused by these horror drugs, but at least I can focus my mind on this being my healing time, I try not to stress about ANYTHING.    The horrible self loathing and ruminations and guilts are gone, for the time being

 

As for the flu like symptoms, the diahorreh   whoever you spell it?  Also after a cut, I have morning nausea, sometimes vomiting, all of that,  that will come and go, as you reduce.   Everything, is a side effect of withdrawals.   I also find I have pain in my shoulders,  never ever had pain there, and no reason for it,  but I will not take a pain killer.   Oh, also inability to regulate body temperature, seroquel decrease messes with that, alll night, damn hot then cold, then hot, then cold.................also my eyesight is improving, but some days my eyes just dont focus, and I have some cheap 1 x magnification glasses I wear when reading.                        And also mirages, like seeing bushes on the road, when they are not there.  That is part of it all also. Oh I also get ear pain, at night, on and off,  after a cut.

 

So let me know how your symptoms go,  I just listed all mine, as seroquel is my last drug.          

[Alia02]

Hi ang. Oh this is all really helpful stuff. Thankyou so much! Yes I did do 20% cuts by mistake. I literally thought that I was cutting by 10%. Duh! (now my husband helps me add). Yes I am looking into compounding but am holding for quite a while on this dose before I do. All the symptoms you talk of I have had..(except the vomiting). The hunger and the eye issue are literally hard and those dreams. It's so hard to wake up with such vivid anxieties from the dreams and also, to go through the day with everything a little blurry. Yes Im holding onto my job by a thread. My instinct is to not tell my bosses what I'm going through as in the past bosses have not been understanding at all. Flu like symptoms, feeling like my body is on fire...and the fatigue...(But not being able to sleep...) But thanks for talking about it as now I don't feel so alone.

Hope you are having a good day

[MNgal1960]

Alia, I can so relate to being so fatigued and unable to sleep. I have been trying lying around and listening relaxing piano and  flute music with nature sounds on youtube. (Love the flute but can't play it. Never learned a woodwind.) I also do this thing where when I feel a jolt of anxiety I to imagine the anxiety melting away like butter. Actually, I try to sort of imagine my whole body melting into the bed. I've been doing it over and over and today I actually dozed off for about 10 minutes. I have been able to do that in ages. Hope it's a good sign.

 

Here's the link to the flute music. Maybe you will find it relaxing, too. It loops for 3 hours, so it's good for quite a long session.

 

 

Hugs,

MN

[Alia02]

Thanks MN. I will try this tonight. That's a good sign re your 10 minute sleep. 

[MNgal1960]

How are you feeling today, Alia? Hope you got some good rest. We so need rest to heal.

 

In the States we are coming up on a long holiday weekend as Monday is Memorial Day. Just realized I needed to get my scripts (need grain-free brands due to allergies, so must be special ordered) in to the druggist today and pick them up tomorrow or I would have to wait until Tuesday to get them! Fortunately I'm a few pills ahead, so I think I would have been fine, but I wonder if my cog fog is going to get me into trouble sometime!  

 

MN

[Alia02]

Thanks MNgal. Today is a terrible day. Am puzzled as have gone up and stabilized on Seroquel due to my last drop. Every day I wake up in terrible achy agony like I have the flu. It has been like this since April 12th, the day after I had a flu vaccination. I feel demented trying to figure out if I have chronic fatigue syndrome, a reaction to the flu vaccination or am in withdrawl? ( I have been on my anti depressants and seroquel since almost the beginning of time. But I never thought I would feel like this. Its more physical symptoms and brain fog. Terrilble brain fog. My editor is not speaking to me ...my article writing is so bad. I am going to get leave. I live rurally in New Zealand so there is no option regarding doctors...let alone a psych (2 hours away and probably a choice of 2 bad ones) Im getting desperate as to know what to do) (well I cant do anything really) I thought well maybe its the withdrawl that exercise will help , but after a 40 minute walk on the beach, two days of aching were set off. I went to my GP who advised to cut my tablets and go up and down (Wrong!) When talking about withdrawl she was a complete blank. When talking about compounding drugs she was a complete blank. When talking about me she is a complete blank. Dont get me wring she is lovely..the best there is here but no idea. And no one has any idea in this remote rugged cut off by hills place. This website is my only advice. Any suggestions greatfuly listened to . Thanks

[Alia02]

Feel better today

[nz11]

Feel better today

Great.

Withdrawal has good and bad days.

 

My instinct is to not tell my bosses what I'm going through as in the past bosses have not been understanding at all.

imo, I think this is a wise move.

 

Alia, dont forget to update your sig if you updosed.

[MNgal1960]

Glad you're feeling better.

 

NZ is right. Withdrawal is very up and down whether you're making cuts or not. The brain just decides when it wants to do some housekeeping and does it. It can feel awful but it could be a sign of the brain trying to right itself.

 

Personally, I can't tolerate vigorous or long exercise. Raise in heart rate means raise in symptoms. I take slow walks and have just started a 3-minute yoga routine that I hope to lengthen as I feel up to it.

 

Sorry about your doctor situation. Similar to mine. Out in the middle of nowhere and very few choices, none of them good. So I just get my support online and use my doctor for writing scripts. I taper or don't and don't necessarily tell her. Really, we just need the scripts. So I try to sound as cooperative as possible and mention tapering as little as possible to keep the scripts coming.

 

Hang in there! Better days are ahead.

 

MN

[Alia02]

Thanks MNgal,

Yes that is good advice: Just get the scripts!

 

I have gone up as I said on my Seroquel and am realising Im going to have to take this medication drop on Seroquel slowly. I have found it harder than my anti depressant drop. I think I did it too quickly for me. Anyway this weekend I wrote an article that didn't read like something a 5 year old would write, so Im a bit happier to not lose my job this week! Yes, there is a fine line between being honest with doctors/ employers and just nodding in agreement and getting support / understanding elsewhere. Thank goodness we have each-other here.

[AliG]

Alia. It's good that you realize that you're going to have to go slow with the Seroquel. It's a shame that your doctor is uninformed, but as has been mentioned previously you only need the scripts. 

How do you talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal?

What should I expect from my doctor about withdrawal symptoms?

 

Ali

 

( MNGal. That flute music was beautiful. Thank you. )

[MNgal1960]

Hi Alia and Ali. Now for sure I'm going to get that mixed up! Thank heavens for avatars!

 

You're very welcome, Ali. Love that 3 hour loop of that song. I bought the song, too, but 3 hours is more like what I need, not just 7 minutes.

 

Alia, I'm so happy things are going better for you at work.

[Alia02]

Just an update from me to me and whoever else is out there. Although I havent made any more decreases and am on a stable dose, Im feeling very down.

I'm actually away from my home so this doesnt help. (Going back on Sunday). Im finding everything really difficult and its just the constant bad loop in my brain that is making my life so hard. Im wondering whether I am really innately depressed and should be on a higher dose? But I don't want to be. But I feel like curling up in a ball and sleeping forever.

Im noticing that I'm not robust enough for the news and more many things.

 Im in a city to visit my best friend of 50 years. I met her when I was five and she is dying of cancer. I find it hard to be away from her (7 hours) and hard to be with her..although I'd rather be with her. We both know the symptoms are worsening and its really just a matter of helping her cope with her life as it stands. Then as I was heading into town, I heard my older sister who is a severe drug addict was beaten up in the town where I am. But I cant help her. My family and I have tried everything to help her ,over the years, but I've had to cut off and just put my love and support into her children, in the hope that the cycle will be broken. But its hard. Its hard for me not to get depressed. Im finding it hard working and I wonder whether I should give up and put all my efforts into getting better and doing things like gardening etc.  All my energy seems to go into just trying to keep my job going.  Im at the stage where I think I will go to a doctor to ask for some counselling, but Im worried that they will just say "up the pills". I know I have always been sad as I come from a very dysfunctional family so had that modelled on me. So its going to take a drastic change to cope with life. I wish I was more resilient. But at 56, I am just sad. Sorry that this is depressing.

[AliG]

Alia.   I'm glad you're staying stable and not decreasing too quickly. That is the best thing you can do right now to give your nervous system a chance. Sorry you're feeling down . It must be hard seeing your good friend go through this, as well as the family problems. I also come from dysfunction so I can empathize however I think we can break away and not get stuck in the sadness. It can be hard at times but I believe it's possible. Maybe , some counselling might help. Have you tried it before? it does help some.

You are in charge of your own health and it's up to you, not the doctor,  what action you take at the end of the day . In the meantime, I hope you are looking after yourself as well as your friend. Try and find some time to do things that bring you joy. They can be simple things like sitting in the sun somewhere peaceful outdoors & perhaps reading a good book or listening to a beautiful piece of music. Whatever lifts your spirit. 

[Alia02]

thanks AliG

[AliG]

How are you, Alia ?   I have been where you are . Don't give in , if you can possibly avoid it .   Are you finding joy ?  I know it's hard , but don't give up .