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Pepita

☼ Pepita: Getting off Cipralex, having a very hard time

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Pepita

Hi there, 

I am glad that I found this forum and as I am at a very desperate state in my life right now - I am glad that I can find some people relating to my topic.

 

I have first been prescribed Cipralex 5 mg about 10 years ago, when I was 20. I changed from high school to university and started having panic attacks from time to time and a very weird way of feeling myself (like being in a vacuum). Looking back, it was not THAT horrific but a general practitioner prescribed it to me after having a 10 minute-chat with me. I didn´t have any idea what antidepressants were back then - also he did not tell me anything about it. So I took it. I must say that - whether it was placebo or not - it helped.

 

So I got off them (5mg, very small dose). 2 years later I had a similar phase, already working at an agency where I experienced panic attacks and felt very anxious in general. So I thought to myself: Hey that stuff worked the first time - I´ll take that again. I don´t really know if it did anything for me this time because I also quit my job and took a long vacation - I guess that would have done it as well.

 

After maybe a little less than a year I quit again - this time it seemed harder. I always tapered - even with this little dosage. When I quit- the first time in my life ever, I had sort of depressive phases. But it went away. Then again some years later I had a very stressfull time in my life and a trigger-event that got me really freaked out and depression kicked in ...this time I did not want to start medication again but I could not see another way. thankfully shortly after I found my coaching technique that reeeallyyy helped a lot, did some family constellations and really started to understand the whole reason WHY I was dealing with all those problems.

 

I understand now and I don´t feel crazy anymore for having experienced what I have experienced. But okay.

 

So at the maximum I took 10 mg of Cipralex ( i always refused the neurologists wish of taking more and more) because I did not feel that the antidepressants helped. While taking 10 mg I still had very depressive phases, so I thought: Okay, if I take more, will it get better or will I just be damaging my body more and more? I continued working with my coach, working on myself, getting to know myseld and really digging into the hurtful past and reasons. This helped A LOT and was the only reason I felt better.

 

So soon I reduced again to 5mg ( in steps) Eeeevery time I reduced my dose I got a depressive phase following, about 3 weeks later that would last around a month. Including sweating a lot, feeling like having a feaver, being depressed,feeling anxious, feeling like I can´t go to training, feeling weak, etc. but I always got better again. So I did this really slowly..always allowing my body to adjust to the next step.

 

In late August (2015) i took my last „powder 0,000xx mg“ and boom...after 3 weeks I started feeling HORRIBLE. ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE! I had troubles I never had before (or still have) lik e being totally paranoid, feeling completely deprersonalzed, having terrible brainfog, headaches, ...all that in addition to having all the old **** I am used to when having a down.

 

So for 2 months I felt horrible, then it got a lot better for month, now it is completely terrible again since mid-december. I AM GOING CRAZY! I am very well informed and very convinced that all that is due to withdrawl and that my brain needs time to adjust but OH MY GOD how can one stand this horrible times?I feel so terribly weak! All the time I have to push myself really hard: To get out of bed, to talk to friends, to go outside, to go to work, ...everything is a huge struggle...it is sooooo exhausting. Luckily I do have all the support I could wish for from friends and family and boyfriend! I am very thankful for that! But still I feel alone with all this war inside of me because I feel like they don´t know what I am going through.

If I feel really bad for two weeks and then have a window – okay, at least you get a break. But feeling that awful for over a month is draining all my energy.

 

How do you cope? How do you get through this? What do you do when you sit alone at home, feel to weak and terrible to call someone..how do you drag yourself out of this?

Ps.: Sorry if my English is not that good:)

Edited by Petunia
Reduced font and added paragraph breaks for easier reading

2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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Petunia

Welcome Pepita,

 

I moved your post to an introduction/update thread of its own. This way more people will notice it, and you can maintain your own journal. Please use this thread to track progress, write about symptoms, ask questions and communicate with the community, add to it whenever you want. Please bookmark it or follow it so you can find it again.

 

Your English is fine.

 

It sounds like you may have tapered too fast. How were you reducing?  What was the last dose of Cipralex you stopped from in August? So you have been medication free for 5 months?

 

It would be great if you would put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature. Doing this helps people understand your context, it appears below each of your posts. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/  Please would you add dates too, approximate is ok.

 

It sounds like you have withdrawal syndrome, see: What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

But you will recover, usually this happens in a pattern like you have been experiencing, with periods of feeling better and then feeling bad again, sort of like two steps forward and one step back. This topic has more information about this pattern: The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

I know how difficult this is, I'm going through it myself, many of us are. Here is the link to our symptoms and self care section, you may find some useful ideas to help manage symptoms as you recover.  Especially read the topics pinned at the top.

 

Many people find  fish oil and magnesium helpful, see King of Supplements: Omega 3 Fatty Acids (Fish Oil) and Magnesium, Nature's Calcium Channel Blocker

 

You will find a lot of friendly help and support here, I'm glad you joined.

 

Petunia.


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Pepita

Hi there, thanks for the reply, I did not see it because it says 0 views in the overview, so I didn´t check. 
The last dose was just some powder...I can´t remember exactly how much...I stayed on 2,5 mg for 2 months I think (it is too bad I did not keep track, a diary, notes or whatever, because it is really hard to remember everything looking back).  When I was fine taking the 2,5 mg I split that in half and then there was no way of splitting every accuratly but I tried to take the same "mini-amount" for the last few weeks before I finally stopped taking anything at all. Yes I have been absolutly medication free for 5 months now. I had two months from october to november that went pretty well, the rest was absolute horror. I am at that deperation point where I really want to keep on giving my body more time to recover but I am doubting everything at this moment. 

I will check in the thread you told me you moved my post, let´s see if I got any response there!

Thank you! 
Best

Marlene 


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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Petunia

I'm glad you found your thread, I know, this site can be a bit difficult to navigate until you get used to it. Yes, this is your introduction/update thread.

 

Yes, it does sound like you tapered too fast and now are experiencing withdrawal symptoms. But you will recover, it may take a while.

 

Have a look through the links I posted above it will give you some information about what to expect as you recover and ideas about how to feel better.

 

If you're feeling up to it, please would you have a go at filling in your signature, it helps us to understand your situation much easier when replying. Here are instructions for how to do it:

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature       


I'm not a doctor.  My comments are not medical advise. These are my opinions based on my own experience and what I've learned. Please discuss your situation with a medical practitioner who has knowledge of tapering and withdrawal...if you are lucky enough to find one.

My Introduction Thread

Full Drug and Withdrawal History

Brief Summary

Several SSRIs for 13 years starting 1997 (for mild to moderate partly situational anxiety) Xanax PRN ~ Various other drugs over the years for side effects

2 month 'taper' off Lexapro 2010

Short acute withdrawal, followed by 2 -3 months of improvement then delayed protracted withdrawal

DX ADHD followed by several years of stimulants and other drugs trying to manage increasing symptoms

Failed reinstatement of Lexapro and trial of Prozac (became suicidal)

May 2013 Found SA, learned about withdrawal, stopped taking drugs...healing begins.

Protracted withdrawal, with a very sensitized nervous system, slowly recovering as time passes

Supplements which have helped: Vitamin C, Magnesium, Taurine

Bad reactions: Many supplements but mostly fish oil and Vitamin D

June 2016 - Started daily juicing, mostly vegetables and lots of greens.

Aug 2016 - Oct 2016 Best window ever, felt almost completely recovered

Oct 2016 -Symptoms returned - bad days and less bad days.

April 2018 - No windows, but significant improvement, it feels like permanent full recovery is close.

VIDEO: Where did the chemical imbalance theory come from?



VIDEO: How are psychiatric diagnoses made?



VIDEO: Why do psychiatric drugs have withdrawal syndromes?



VIDEO: Can psychiatric drugs cause long-lasting negative effects?

VIDEO: Dr. Claire Weekes

 

 

 

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Pepita

* topic moved from symptoms forum

 

I constantly keep asking myself if the extreme wave I am having for over 5 weeks now is due to withdrawal or a recurring depressive phase. I am pretty sure it is mainly withdrawal as I had my burnout / depression 3 years ago for specific reasons that I have been working on with my therapist really effectively. I can understand why it was the way it was back then, I understand that there where certain events in my past that lead to anxious or depressive phases. Now I feel it it is plainly cruel withdrawal:) But still..the question is NAGGING ME ALL THE TIME because I keep thinking: What if all this "surviving withdrawal" is my disfunctional brain and I am losing precious time of my life fighting against something that I cannot defeat. 

Do you know that feeling? :)

Edited by Petunia
added note

2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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AppleOfSodom

It's hard to know. I had recurring episodes of depression ever since I was 15 and I had never been on a psych drug (although I drank and smoked cannabis). So while it's well documented that past psych drug use can induce chronicity of mental-problems it's not necessarily in every case.


September 2011 - 75 mg Effexor, 15 mg Mirtazapine
September 2012 - CT. Developed PSSD (mostly erectile dysfunction and diminished enjoyment of sex).
January 2016 - Symptoms persist, no improvements. In fact, things seem worse now than they were in the first year.

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Meimeiquest

What would you do differently if you knew which it was?


1st round Prozac 1989/90, clear depression symptoms. 2nd round Prozac started 1999 when admitted to dr. I was tired. Prozac pooped out, switch to Cymbalta 3/2006. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder due to mania 6/2006--then I was taken abruptly off Cymbalta and didn't know I had SSRI withdrawal. Lots of meds for my intractable "bipolar" symptoms.

Zyprexa started about 9/06, mostly 5mg. Tapered 4/12 through12/29/12

Wellbutrin. XL 300 mg started 1/07, tapered 1/18/13 through 7/8/13

Oxazepam mostly continuously since 6/06, 30mg since 12/12, tapered 1.17.14 through 8.26.15

11/06 Lithium 600mg twice daily, 2.2.14 400mg TID DIY liquid, 2.12.14 1150mg, 3.2.14 1100mg, 3.18.14 1075mg, 4/14 updose to 1100mg, 6.1.14 900 mg capsules 7.8.14 810mg, 8.17.14 725mg, 8.24.24 700mg...10.22.14 487.5mg, 3.9.15 475mg, 4.1.15 462.5mg 4.21.15 450mg 8.11.15 375mg, 11.28.15 362.5mg, back to 375mg four days later, 3.4.16 updose to 475 (too much going on to risk trouble)

9/4/13 Toprol-XL 25mg daily for sudden hypertension, tapered 11.12.13 through 5.3.14, last 10 days or so switched to atenolol

7.4.14 Started Walsh Protocol

56 years old

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Pepita

I think that if I knew for sure that its simply depression caused by my brain anyway - then I would gladly just take those pills for the rest of my life. 
But I have the believe (and desire) deep down inside of me that I am a healthy human being and that I am able to live a happy life without antidepressants. 
I am just doubting all that now that I am off because I have the worst time ever... more than before I ever startet taking cipralex. And when I was on 10mg I had worse times than on 5 mg and on 2.5 mg. What helped was therapy. I don´t know how much the drug really helped or not. 

 

@appleofsodom: So what are you doing to help yourself during depressive phases? How often do you have them and for how long? As for the matter of cannabis: has it ever helped you? 


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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Songbird

I think that kind of "what if" thinking is a withdrawal symptom.  The "nagging all the time" sounds like rumination which can also be a withdrawal symptom.  How fast did you taper?  If you tapered quickly and are only off for five months, I think it is too early to say it isn't withdrawal.
 
The problem with taking the pills for the rest of your life is that they don't always work that long.  They often "poop out" for people after ten to fifteen years, and then they get switched to another med, and then another one, which sometimes work for a while but often don't.
 

But I have the believe (and desire) deep down inside of me that I am a healthy human being and that I am able to live a happy life without antidepressants.

 

That's a good attitude, but also think about empowering yourself with a "toolkit" for handling this stuff if and when it appears, so that you can live life without ADs.  You've already discovered a form of therapy that helps you, that's a great start to your toolkit.


2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 July 2.9mg  16 Sep 2.8mg  25 Oct 2.7mg

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Pepita

@Silver Star: yes, quite possible this rumination is a withdrawal syndrome and my brain screaming for pills again. My main reason for wanting to quit medication was that I sometimes thought: Okay, I am feeling good now. But am I really feeling good now or is it just the medication? Is this the real me? 
I mean, I never really felt a lot different on meds but still - if you take something you can never be sure of how you REALLY feel. I tapered very carefully. Maybe it was still too fast. I went from 10 mg to 7,5mg - stayed there for 2,3 months, then down to 5 mg, stayed there for some months and so on. Its a pity I did not use a diary or some form where I note when I did what but generally I took it slow. maybe at the end it got a little too fast or too vague because it got really hard to dose the pills. But as I can see from your signature: You are going really slow. Hows that working for you? 
But as well you took a higher dose than I and various medications. Why did you originally start to take them? I often find threads here where people got antidepressants for some other reasons than depression. 

And as for taking pills the rest of my life: You are right! It is not the best or the surest solution! You never know if they will work over time or work at all. As I said, I had worse times when I was on 10mg Cipralex than on 5mg and the neurologist kept saying: Take more and take another pill as well. 
But I never did :D I always thought this can´t be the way and what if I take 10mg more and still feel really bad from time to time. I think there is just two ways to go: Either you believe that depression or anxiety or whatever mental problems ALWAYS HAVE a reason and therefor there is a way to solve them or to learn how to better live with them..or you say: Well its just chemicals in my brain. If they don´t work - fine, I´ll take medication. I know of such cases and it works fine for them. Maybe there are just people who can live with that "solution" and people who want to work more on themselves or to experience the real emotions..I don´t know. Well who does;) Not even the best Neurologists in der world ;) 
 


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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Pepita

 
I can relate to the waves/windows pattern theory. I took my last dose of Cipralex 7 months ago, but went into withdrawal around 4 months ago. Never had I thought that it would be this hard or that it could happen to me in general because I have felt fine almost for a year before I started tapering - had withdrawal symptoms everytime I reduced the dose - but they weren´t that severe and vanishd after 3-4 weeks. 
So, here I am - in the middle of this terrifying mess, asking myself all the typical daily questions (will this ever end, should I just go back on medication, when will my next window arrive, am I just crazy, am I doing the right thing or just torturing me, wasting months of my life ...) but reading about other people experiencing all the very similar things does reassure me (on a good day a lot, on a bad day a little;).
 
I startet to keep track about my recovery so that every time I feel that there is no progress at all, I can check on it and see if it is true. So, here you can see my pattern for so far:
pattern.png?dl=0I am far away from being recovered, but at least I can see very clearly that things are changing SLOOOOOOOOWLY  (the slowest way possible in my opinion).
 
I have had my first view window days where I got a glimpse of being normal again. I made huge progress in these days, went to training, met people, took the tube, felt really good. Then I started thinking: Why was it so difficult for me the weeks before? What the hell was I feeling/thinking? And only a view days later the depressive mood swings came back. 

Even if I have experienced this "One day is like hell, one is a lot better" I still get really frustrated and horrified with every wave to come. I think this is because deep down inside, no matter how often you tell yourself not to get too excited about  finally feeling like a human being again, you wish that this experience could be finally over. And on those days where you do feel good you truly forget the nightmares you had before. It is very weird. 

So in my case it goes like this: 
Window: Finally feeling so much lighter, everything is easy, I feel normal. Then I´ll have a view days where I feel  emotionally unstable and the feelings jump up and down a lot. After having these jumpy waves for a view days I start being grumpy and ask myself why the hell this is taking so long. And then boooooom. Deep depression, anxienty, feeling totally disconnected to everyone around me, obsessive thoughts, weird body sensations, sleepless nights etc. follow.
 
I do agree that the waves are always a little different. Basically the same. Feeling horrible. But with slightly different emphasis (some are more focused on anxiety, some more on depression which again varies in feelings). When the wave crashes down I get totally frustrated and horrified to yet again being unable to live a normal life, to cancel appointments with clients, to sit around feeling miserable. Yet again I have to confess to my boyfriend and friends, who are so patient with me that I do have another wave (and I feel guilty for not being my usual happy self).

In this stage I know what would help: Total acceptance of the symptoms, self-love and kindness. Sometimes I just can´t. I hate this situation, I hate that I don´t know when it will end, I hate the universe, god or whoever might be in charge for all this. I just want it to end. Period. Not my life, I love my life! I want my old happy life back! Everything is running perfect - except for this horrible withdrawal nightmare. Well - so I suffer for a view days, feeling terribly sorry for myself (which might be in order), condemning myself that I can´t just let go and love myself anyway. To wait to get better without waiting. 

I started practicing meditation since withdrawal started. It really helps me a LOT. Sometimes it´s the saviour that gets me through a rough day. So sometimes I can maintain acceptance in meditation and breathing techniques. Sometimes it does help to do something completely different ( going for a walk, visiting a friend, drawing, cleaning the apartment, ...) In these moments I can observe that I am hindering myself a lot with drowning negative thoughts  - which again, are hard not to have in psychopharmacol withdrawal. But YES, sometimes is possible to drag myself out of absolute misery. 

I hope that I will be able to master my coping techniques as for I am sure that this won´t be over in a week. At least I am learning how to be a Jedi. When this is over, I will be flying for sure;) 

PS: I wanted to post the picture of my timeline progress. I attached it somewhere but I can´t see it now. Maybe it has to be proven first. Or I can fins somewhere else how to attach a picture. 
pattern.png?dl=0


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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Fresh

Hi Pepita , I moved your post here as it's an update of where you are in your journey.

 

It sounds like you're developing a range of techniques to help you deal with symptoms , which is wonderful.

 

You may want to take a look in the "Symptoms and Self Care" section for more ideas.

 

Best wishes , Fresh


1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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JanCarol

Hey Pepita - since you are 7 months out from your last drug, it's probably best to just ride it out.

 

It sounds like you have a lot of coping tools and distraction techniques to get you through this.

 

You are having windows and waves - that means you are healing!  When you are in a wave, just remember:  The symptoms are a sign of "closed for repairs" in your brain, nervous and endocrine system.  If you see that sign (have symptoms) then you know that repairs and healing are taking place.

 

It does get better.  You can do this!  When withdrawal gives you waves - learn to surf!

 

I hope you see the sun today.


"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Pepita

thank you for your kind words! Well yes. At the moment I find it very hard to believe that I am actually healing. 
Since a few days I am experiencing a hardcore depression wave which I never ever experienced before - it is terrifying. 
I try so hard to cope well but these days I find it almost unbearable. I just thouhgt that as I already felt a lot better in my progress that I could not crash so hard again. I thought that the waves would get a little lighter maybe. Everything is in a haze somehow, I feel as if the world ends and that the light will never ever come again. I feel heavy, my eyes are dry, I Am constantly thirsty, I am sooo damn tired and I that feeling inside of me ...I don´t even know how to explain it :( Have you had waves after a long time of having different kinds of waves that are heavier than earlier ones? That´s what bums me out the most. 


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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Junglechicken

Pepita - I can completely relate to your WD experience as I am sure many people can.

 

I admire you for taking control of your neuro-emotions and practicing meditation so soon and for recognising that this is what you needed to do.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong WD Veterans but this makes up 80% of the battle of WD and if you can master this you can massively reduce the physical effects.

 

I'm still working at this.


Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

 

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)

Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018

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Pepita

It helps A LOT. Even on my worst days, sometimes meditation is the only thing that lifts me up. It does not always last that long but if I am going to stay at home and do nothing - I`d rather sit in meditation and feel a little better ;) I think the tricky part with all the possible coping tools is knowing when to apply what. Sometimes I need affirmations, sometimes they drive me even more crazy and what I need to do is meet a friend even if I think it is impossible. 

In any case, everybody who goes through this is a f****** hero in my eyes! 
 


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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Junglechicken

Yes I know what you mean - what kind of self-healing/self-therapy to apply when?

 

I guess this comes with experience of dealing with WD.

 

We are all heroes that's for sure.....


Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

 

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)

Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018

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JanCarol

That's great that you can sit in meditation, Pepita!

 

I could never sit still, I have to do moving meditations like Tai Chi, Chi Gung, and Yoga - or drumming meditations, or walking meditations - or coloring meditations!  (my fave!)

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8666-art-therapy-mandala-circles-adult-coloring-books-etc/


"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Junglechicken

JanCarol - exactly my problem, not being able to sit still.


Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

 

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)

Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018

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Nano

Pepita hablas español?


clonazepam 2008-2010

clonazepam and fluoxetine 2010-2013

clonazepam and sertraline january 2014 - may 2014

sertraline may 2014-may 2015 last dosis 17mg

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AliG

Pepita.  I think we have all felt a little like this, at various times throughout this " experience" , for lack of a better word.  It can be hard , and you wonder if you will ever get through it , but you just have to keep walking through it one day at a time.

 

In this stage I know what would help: Total acceptance of the symptoms, self-love and kindness. Sometimes I just can´t. I hate this situation, I hate that I don´t know when it will end, I hate the universe, god or whoever might be in charge for all this. I just want it to end. Period. Not my life, I love my life! I want my old happy life back! Everything is running perfect - except for this horrible withdrawal nightmare. Well - so I suffer for a view days, feeling terribly sorry for myself (which might be in order), condemning myself that I can´t just let go and love myself anyway. To wait to get better without waiting.

 

The windows& waves ,can seem relentless at times , but you have to try to draw every ounce of strength that you have to get through the waves, and just " learn to surf " !  

Have you read through some of the self- care topics ?  Have a read of Symptoms & Self- Care.  It is a mine of information , directly related to what you are going through.   Also :

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptom

 

As you are healing , if you can find non - drug coping skills , you will be in a great place to stay off them ( drugs ) , long term . That is the way to go forward, in this journey .

Ali


Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Pepita

@AliG: I have read the books by Baylissa Frederick and got a lot of insights through them, as well as her webpage recovery-road.org. Also I arranged some skype sessions with her - which have calmed my "oh  my god this will never end" thoughts;) But of course - withdrawal does not sleep and it can get hard any time of the day, so of course I always try to work with several coping techniques. I will browse through the section here as well, I did not do that yet. 
For me, sometimes the hard part is to choose what coping technique zu apply. It varies from time to time which helps better or which drives me more crazy. You know? When I am talking kindly to myself, telling me that everything is going to be all right and at the same time I feel so horrible that the other voice in my head keeps telling me that all of this is nonsense and that this can´t be true? :D I am sure all of you know that;) 
But I have to admit that patience is not my greatest strength  -  and that is needed a lot in withdrawal. 

How are you coping with work? Are you able to work? 
Since you are completely drug free for almost 2 years - did everything get better, are your windows longer/better? 

 

@Nano: Hablo un poco espagnol - but it has been a long time since I was good at it;) Pepita was my Capoeira Name, so I used it as my nick :) 

@JonCarol and JungleChicken: I am usually a very active person as well, I am boxing, kickboxing, weight training etc. I found the sitting still part quite hard as well in the beginning (though I had a little practice when doing yoga) but I just did it anyway and as good as I could. After 2 months - and while I had sort of a window it started to work reaaaallly good. When I have an intense wave it gets harder because the thoughts are so persistent. Also I am using a guided meditation, that makes it easier to learn. Here´s the link to the one  I am doing every day: 

 

 

This guy has many other great programs by the way. And even if during meditation I feel like this is not working at all - I remind myself that I am training my mind and that NO ONE just easily sits down and masters meditation, this is a lifetime progress for sure but it´s worth the journey;) 

 


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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Pepita

Oh and I have a question for all of you: 
Ho do you know that your symptoms are withdrawal related? Are the symptoms more or less what you had before or is it different? 

In my case I experience some similar troubles as I had before starting the drugs - only a 100 times worse than ever before, and quite a lot of new mental stuff that I have never known before. 
 


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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AliG

Hi Pepita.   Baylissa Frederick is an awesome resource. She has been through it and is quite exceptional .  As far as choosing what technique to apply , at what time. I think you are right to vary it depending on how you are feeling . That is the great thing about having a long list of resources and options , that you can literally pull out whatever you want at any time, depending on your mood or the symptoms that you are experiencing in the moment.    It reminds me of   " Mary Poppins "   carpet bag , where she just kept pulling out " lots of stuff " endlessly !  That is what you can do as well . Dig into your " toolbox " , of self-care, and pull out exactly what you fancy at the time. 

 

No , I'm not working technically , but I help my husband with his business, and I paint ( water colors etc. ). I go to the gym , If I have had any sleep  which isn't often.

 

Regarding your last question , I think you answered it .  It's different, very severe and there are a lot of new symptoms , that were not there previously . It is drug induced .

Ali


Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Pepita

@AliG: It is truly amazing how well you get to know yourself in withdrawal :) At least that´s an advantage. I keep think that when withdrawal is over I will be FLYING because I learned so much about myself, meditate on a daily base and so on. 

Wow you have quite a history with Antidepressants :o 
So since you are in protracted withdrawal - over all, are you healing and getting better? Are the windows getting longer/better? Are you improving? 
Are you in therapy as well?


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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AliG

Pepita.  That is such a positive attitude to have and a great way of looking at this whole experience. You tend to acquire new skills and a different perspective on life , that you would not have had previously. It is a learning curve, that should stand you in good stead , for the future.

 

Unfortunately , yes I've had quite a history with A/D's. I always relapsed with what I thought was the original condition ( depression) returning. That is what the medical profession tell you , which is incorrect .

 

I'm healing as we all do . Some, faster than others but lately I can feel a positive shift in my symptoms. I try not to dwell on them .

 

You sound very active with your boxing / kickboxing etc. How are you finding that now ?  Some , find exercise too stimulating.

Have you started on Magnesium ?  It is a very calming supplement and I find it helps a lot .

I'm pleased that you are finding Meditation helpful . It will help you through this.

 

Ali


Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Pepita

Hi AliG, it is very reassuring to hear that you are improving! There are always a few success stories to find, but many many of the stories I read frighten me more than anything else. 
Yes, usually I am very active - that does not really work right now. I had two windows since quitting where I went back to some of my regular training sessions. It was okay then, but as soon as the wave comes back I can´t train with such an intensity. 
Then symptoms get worse and over all my body is just not as strong as usual. My conditioning is not so good and I get tired too fast. 
Also, I experience a sort of fear to go into a group and train with them, because I feel that if things suddenly get really bad, I can´t escape the situation. 
So training-wise I do a lot of yoga now (luckily the gym I go to offers a lot of different courses, so I don't have to join a new gym) and I cycle (not too hard) for an hour every time I find my inner strength to go into such a dangerous place as a gym ;D 

What is your workout when you manage to go to the gym? 
So you`re having a lot of sleeping troubles? Those are not so good to have! Luckily I don´t have them too often but some nights are hard. 

What are your "favorite", most helpful coping techniques? 

 


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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DaddyCee

Hi Pepita,

 

I just read your thread and know how you feel when struggling.

 

I have regular massage and reflexology sessions with an excellent therapist. Last week I was having a major struggle and felt that I was getting ill again even though deep down I knew it was withdrawal playing its evil tricks. My lovely therapist tried some EFT on me and it was phenomenal. I became overwhelmed with emotion and it is still going on now even after 4 days. I feel that there has been a positive shift.  She sent me this YouTube link which might help you after all its another coping technique that you could deploy in times of struggle.

 

https://youtu.be/ajW1b-6jgJY

 

I wish you well and continued healing.

 

Namaste,

 

DC.


1997 - 2001 Seroxat 10mg

2001 - 2013 Escitalopram 10mg

Gradual taper from 10mg to 5mg over 2.5 years (between 2011 - 2013)

Last taper from 5mg to 0 under advice from doctor done in 1 month (too damn fast!) - included missing out days.

Have been drug free since Oct 2013.  - Yep 5 years drugs free

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Pepita

Hi DaddyCee, 

thank you for the link, I will definitely take a closer look at that! I have seen a video like that once but I never really tried it in an acute situation. 

Wow, so you are 30 months drug free, congratulations! That is awesome! 
I´ll have to read through some of your posts. 
I am always very interested in how people who are long time off medication are doing and how their healing process is unfolding. 

I have to say that compared to most of the AD-histories of other members here I´ve had a really short duration of intake (and not the highest doses) and still it is UNBELIEVABLE what's happening to me. 
I get more and more motivated to get active in building awareness of these dangers that nobody talks about. 

So how are you feeling, almost 2,5 years after your last drug intake? 
 


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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DaddyCee

Hey Pepita.

 

Yes I am a little over the 2.5 year mark from my last pill.  It has been a rocky road to say the least though I have been fortunate not to experience some of the conditions that others have.

 

The first 6 months have been the hardest and the following 6 months were an improvement but nothing earth shattering.

 

The second year was considerably smoother though it was still a bumpy ride compared to when I was on meds. Saying that though when I was on meds everything was so so. I mean there were no real highs or lows everything had plateaued. I can only now see this since being off for a period of time.

 

I still get rough days (everyone does), but it is more settled and when I do hit a bumpy patch I just sail through the best I can and try not to stress as that will exacerbate my WD symptoms.

 

Well done for being 5 months free.  I am sure that you will start to see real positive improvements in the not too distant future.

 

I wish you continued health and healing. I'm sure that 2016 will be a great year for you.

 

Namaste, DC.


1997 - 2001 Seroxat 10mg

2001 - 2013 Escitalopram 10mg

Gradual taper from 10mg to 5mg over 2.5 years (between 2011 - 2013)

Last taper from 5mg to 0 under advice from doctor done in 1 month (too damn fast!) - included missing out days.

Have been drug free since Oct 2013.  - Yep 5 years drugs free

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Pepita

Hi DaddyCee.  2.5 years is little time compared to the time of you taking medication, so I think it is great that your worst time was over within the first 6 months! I´ll have to browse through some of your posts to see what your major issues where. 
Besides all that being miserable I find it really fascinating what our brain does to us if it has been influenced by psychotropic drugs.  :blink:

I am altogether now 7.5 months off but WD only kicked in around 2-3 months after taking my last dosage. I never had thought that this could happen. I knew that I could react for a while - as I always had waves when reducing my dose - but they where durable and over after 3-4 weeks. What came crushing down on me was never ever expected and since then I have read so many helpful books and  have  learned so much about patience, gratitude and acceptance. I mean, okay, I´d still rather NOT experience all of this, but at least one does  a lot of personal development;) 
Also I have to thank my family and closest friends who are always there for me and never question my decision. I don't know how some do it on their own, I could`nt. 
Specially work is hard. I am self-dependent, which is good on one hand because I have my own small office with 1 colleague. I don´t have the daily stress of being surrounded by many people, having meetings, etc. And still I have to lay low very often, cancel my rare meetings and I had to decline some projects, which costs me a lot of money. 


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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DaddyCee

Hey Pepita,

 

How are you? I posted a response in my journal thread. Do write back soon.

 

Namaste,

 

DC.


1997 - 2001 Seroxat 10mg

2001 - 2013 Escitalopram 10mg

Gradual taper from 10mg to 5mg over 2.5 years (between 2011 - 2013)

Last taper from 5mg to 0 under advice from doctor done in 1 month (too damn fast!) - included missing out days.

Have been drug free since Oct 2013.  - Yep 5 years drugs free

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Junglechicken

Yes Pepita, you have a great attitude seeing this as an opportunity for self-development - wow! I need to learn from you.

 

Hope you're ok.

 

JC


Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

 

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)

Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018

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Pepita

Hi Junglechicken - yes I am doing my very best to cope well and I guess there is no other way than to view this as something you can benefit from. 
But don´t worry, I don´t run around all day loving my WIthdrawal;)) I too have very desperate moments!

I am doing okay at the moment - despite having a terrible cold and fever. 

How are you? 
Are you dealing with symptoms at the moment? 

 


2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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Pepita

*topic moved from symptoms forum

 

Hi all, 

I am in WD for about 6 months now and since then I was going through many different kinds of symptoms - most of them mental. I have had Windows in which I felt a lot better, but not yet absolutely "normal" or stable. So I am sort of in a constant state of being insecure of what might be happening next and I feel like I don´t know what my personality is anymore.

 

Many of the things I usually love doing are impossible in WD (boxing, kickboxing) and in waves I can hardly enjoy anything. 

 

It´s been such a long time where I really was myself that I feel like I lost the connection to myself. 

Any tips for this sort of problem? 
 

Edited by Petunia
topic moved and note added

2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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Junglechicken

The best I have been able to do is focus on things outside of myself.

 

I continue to have underlying anxiety and at the moment am concerned about my TOTM which hasn't arrived yet. This is a NEW worry of mine.

 

As yet no solution.


Dose History: 19 Feb 2014 - Escitalopram 10mg daily June 2015 - Started taper, 5mg every other day July 2015 - 5mg every 2 days August 2015 - 5mg every 3 days September 2015 - 5mg every 4 days Sept 14th - Completed tapering, but at 7 weeks "drug free" I suffered serious WD symptoms as a consequence of "incorrect" tapering. Nov 25 2015 - Re-instated Cipralex @ 2.5mg daily. WD symptoms faded. Held at this dose and experienced "windows and waves". 12 Oct 2017 Reduced dose to 1.25mg. 13 Mar 2018 Reduced dose to 0.625mg (approx.). 16 April 2018 0mg. Windows and waves triggered by stress (IBS/reflux, headaches, sinus issues) Aug 2019 Mirena coil fitted 6 Jan 2020 MAJOR Wave hit 19 months following last dose (protracted WD).  Symptoms listed below Mar 2020 Mirena coil removal.

Therapy: Nov 15th 2016 Re-started therapy Jan 19th 2017 Started CBT Dec 2017 Started listening to Hypnotherapy CD (self-esteem). Nov 2019 Started couples therapy.

Supplements: "Bioglan" Biotic Balance Ultimate Flora 10 billion CFU, live Bacteria, Probiotic, suitable for Vegetarians, with Lactobacillus Acidophilus, Lactobacillus Rhamnosus, Bifidobacterium Longum"Pukka" Vitalise a unique blend of 30 energising botanicals.

Diet: 16 April 2018 Detox cleanse / anti-candida for 90 days. Jan 2020 Started "small plate" diet (i.e child size portions).

Exercise: Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spinning, Elliptical/upper body workout, walking.

Medical Test Results: 4 Jan 2017 Homeopathic Treatment starts 24 Feb 2017 Started weight loss program 24 Mar 2017 Naturopathic Treatment + anti-Candida diet started due to suspected Candida Related Complex (CRC). DETOXED for 7 weeks to "re-set" gut. April 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Comprehensive Stool Analysis NEGATIVE; Full Blood Count (Normal) / Blood Cholesterol: 5.6 (Borderline) / Blood Sugar (Normal) / 28 Jun 2017 FSH 8.2 / 14 Nov 2017 FSH 17.7 Dec 2017 Blood Cholesterol: 3.9 (Normal) / Kidney Function (Normal) / Blood Sugar (Normal). December 2017 "Genova Diagnostics" Food panel allergy (bloodwork) analysis - a few "VERY LOW/VL" allergens; Mar 2018 "Genova Diagnostics" SIBO urine analysis: High Level of Yeast/fungal markers found in small intestine but NO SIBO.  April 2018 Thyroid (Normal) / Full Blood Count (Normal) / FSH (Normal). 16 April 2018 Started anti-Candida diet - 3 month protocol.   25 March 2020 All test results "Normal". CRP" 5 mg/L (normal range to 0-5 mg/L).

Symptoms:  Flu-like symptoms, anxiety, anhedonia, sinus headaches right-side (severe), IBS issues/reflux (severe)**, tinnitus, fatigue, inner tremor, nausea, chills/hot flushes, pounding heart, muscular issues including stiff left hip flexor, intense anger, PSSD (ongoing).  **Histhamine intolerance (suspected).

 

Major Life Events: 

Re-located to UK from Canada: Jan 2016

My father died: 5:05pm, Monday 5 Feb 2018 Last Lexapro dose: 16 April 2018 (its now been over a year since I quit ADs)

Moved house: Friday 23rd February 2018  "Divorced" toxic Mother: Monday 26 March 2018 Starting working again: 19 November 2018

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