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grandmaD

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On 9/4/2017 at 2:40 PM, LexAnger said:

Hi GrandmaD, 

 

im so sorry this journey has been so hard for you and for so long! Only thing I can do is to continue praying for you.

 

youa re not insane on this, I did all those research myself at multiple time considering a switch. 

My understanding is, the fewer receptors cito affects means it is more selective and adverse effects are more narrow ranged ( how they claim and market lexapro/ cito with cleaner safety profile than others, but man, the side effects are super intense)  I considered the difference too when thinking about switching to Prozac from lexapro ( similar to cito, more powerful as shown by those index numbers for each receptor ) and worried about the additional mess up due to additional receptors Prozac blocks. On the other hand, the more selective cito could be more potent in affecting serotonin as indicated by its binding potency indicated by the Ki value ( shown in pharmacology section in Wikipedia ).  One time I was considering switch from lexapro to Celexa, I was calculating the equavellent dose based on the Ki value even it is claimed lexapro is twice potent as Celexa.

 

I don't know if I was overdoing it or even if it matters giving how poorly these drugs were discovered and understood. If we can trust the science associated with these drugs and understand how these substances work in a human body, these rational makes  sense, but again from I learned about the whole conspiracy, I don't really know how much i can claim it science base on valid and complete foundation.

 

 

 

 

 

I don't recall seeing your post, but I am trying to catch up and thank you for your input, it is most valuable.  It also helps knowing others have gone the same road, with the same dilemmas!  In the end, they are all probably just as bad as each other!    When I discovered the generic was likely causing all the bizarre issues that I couldn't explain otherwise, I just went beserk and am still getting over it.

 

Lex you are such a sweet and precious soul and so thoughtful and compassionate, I cannot put into words everything I would like to say, my brain feels dead and doped, like it was for the first 3 years of tapering when I couldn’t think, talk or pray.  I am so weary.  

 

I  had the flu for 2 weeks now and was bed and couch laid up and now in the 3rd week, flu symptoms have cleared up, but still I have no energy, and am fatigued and have had to go back to mid-morning rests as well as afternoon rests.  It is very hard to see an end to all this… I will try and put together an update of what has been going on for the last few months asap.

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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So happy to hear you back GrandmaD! I was a little concerned wonder if you made the switch trying to adjusting the changes.

 

im very sorry about the flu! Like you don't have enough to handle. 3 weeks are usually time for me to get over with a flu during WD. You should be seeing full recovery from it back to your original baseline.

 

dont Rush your self for the update, we know you are safe. 

 

Love and hugs,

lex

 

 

 

 

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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bless you Lex, thanks for your thoughts and compassion, especially as I know you are in a horrendous place yourself at present - and YOU DIDN'T NEED THAT EITHER!  Strangely enough I had a very similar ocurance to you taking magnesium, but I took anti-histamines, but will post more about that later. 

 

I have found that after all these years, I seem to have gotten somewhat "used" to w/d (if that's possible!) but when something else comes from out of the blue, I really lose it and so when I got the flu, that was another thing.  However, oddly enough the w/d symtoms were much more mild and in fact, although my brain was dead and I felt like the life was sucked out of me, I felt at peace just lying down all down, something I could never do the last 6 or so years due to anxiety, palpitations, insomnia at night, and so on.  But I was able to just rest, it was so nice!  I did wish I could watch a movie or read a book or something, but I couldn't even do that.

 

I have been having 3 one hour rests each day this week and up for 2 hours in between, so feel like I'm getting back on my feet and the rests I think are helping me get my strength back.

 

For now, I will start my update:

Recent past

 

Well, I had a huge melt down over the realization that I had been on a generic brand for 6 months definitely and likely up to a good year or more before that, without knowing.  I am convinced this was the reason for my going downhill and staying in the hole I was in for the last 12months.  I believe it also explains the painful muscle spasms I had every day for 4 months earlier this year, which was quite bizarre, having never had them so intensely on a daily basis for so long.

 

That realization resulted in rage, despair, frustration, etc. and of course this caused the anxiety etc to ramp up.  Palpitations were strong and hard, reverberating in bed at night with morning resting pulse up to 120 and 130.  My blood pressure went erratic and was low/high and then low for months on end.  Insomnia got worse. 

 

I began to sweat at night, much worse than usual.  I was dizzy and faint and could feel that super strong surge of adrenalin rising up from my feet to my head, which always left me with a headache.  I had that happen a couple of times last summer and put it down to the heat, but it is not hot at present!  This went on this time every day for about a week.   The pressure heads and vibrating heads had seen some improvement but got a lot worse again.

 

I tried so very, very hard to not panic, not make a rash decision, to try and distract myself but it is obvious to me now the “neuro-emotion” syndrome had a big part to play!  It gets all out of proportion.  I can see in retrospect how it is so easy because of this syndrome to make sudden and irrational decisions out of desperation, combined with the fact that our brains forget certain things we should remember.

 

I wanted desperately to escape the physical pain, the emotional havoc and mental agony I was in.  I was ready to either switch to something else or CT off this foul drug.  But that is the reality, the tremendous desire to escape the horrendous suffering that is so relentless, I don’t have to tell anyone here that, most of us have been there, done that.

 

The “prickles” returned with a vengeance (the feeling of stinging nettles on my skin) on back and legs along with burning nerve pain and the nerve shooting pain in feet and toes.  This lasted for 3-4 months and just when I thought it must be something else and not w/d they suddenly stopped.  Headaches then began to increase also.  So without going on any more, it is always something.   As usual, one thing or another.  So - I wasn’t coping and I stopped posting. 

 

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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So good to hear from you, Gran! I was worried when you hadn’t posted for a while. So how did you not know you were switched? Did the pills look exactly the same? I know too well the havoc a switch between brands can cause as the same thing happened to me years ago. I knew I had been changed because the pills looked different but everyone told me I would be ok but they were WRONG. I went downhill overnight and after a couple of months of suffering I decided to switch to brand name to see if it made a difference and I started improving immediately. Since then I have stayed on brand name even though it costs me 6 dollars A PILL. 

Have you switched back to the pills you were taking or do you have no choice? I imagine after this long on the new pills it would be too risky to make another change. 

a.k.a JMarie

Paxil since Mar.1998

2006-2007:40-20mg
2009: 20mg to 14mg 2010: 14mg to 10.5mg 2011: 10.5 to 7.6mg  2012: 7.5 to 6.8mg

2013: 6.7-6.3mg 2014: 6.2mg-5.8mg 2015: 5.7 to 5.15mg 2016: 5.1-4.6mg

1/19/17: 4.5mg 3/17/17: 4.4mg

6/15/17: 4.35mg 8/10/17: 4.3mg

1/29/18: 4.1mg 5/07/18: 4.0mg

7/31/18: 3.9mg

 

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Hi GrandMaD, I am so sorry things are still so tough for you! Your suffering makes me feel heartbroken. I know how extremely difficult to push through each day with so much pain and agony. My God, I wish there is a magic thing can turn off all the symptoms!

 

I don't know what to think of. You had lots pain for long time. I wonder if its all possible that maybe, just maybe some of the most ugly symptoms are actually from the meds? Are you still considering switching to Prozac?

 

sending you warm hugs for some comfort,

lex   

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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On 10/19/2017 at 10:31 AM, ladybug said:

So good to hear from you, Gran! I was worried when you hadn’t posted for a while. So how did you not know you were switched? Did the pills look exactly the same? I know too well the havoc a switch between brands can cause as the same thing happened to me years ago. I knew I had been changed because the pills looked different but everyone told me I would be ok but they were WRONG. I went downhill overnight and after a couple of months of suffering I decided to switch to brand name to see if it made a difference and I started improving immediately. Since then I have stayed on brand name even though it costs me 6 dollars A PILL. 

Have you switched back to the pills you were taking or do you have no choice? I imagine after this long on the new pills it would be too risky to make another change. 

Ladybug, so wonderful to hear from you too!   Believe it or not, I did know the pills were different - "sort of"!  I recognised that first the box was slightly different, but the same colours, so just thought nothing of it.  The pills were in a different form of packaging, again, slightly different, so I thought nothing of it.  The pill itself seemed smaller and in fact, weighed less.  I just thought GSK had made some changes.  I had not read anything about generic at that time.  It wasn't until I did, that I checked the side of the box and discovered different manufacturer. 

 

This may seem hard to believe, but I can assure you that my brain has been very bad and mostly "dead" with memory loss, not being able to think clearly, communicate and so on.  In fact, as one example, I could never remember to even take the stupid pill.  My husband had to remind me and then he would forget so then I put alarm on my phone.  Like this morning and many other days the alarm goes off and my brain just tells me "turn the alarm off"!  That's all, even though it says "tablet" when the alarm goes off!  I am thinking of changing the message to "take your stupid "#***** pill grandma and do it NOW!"

 

Since then I have looked it up and discovered practically 100% people had trouble with generic.  It would appear GSK have sold the rights to an Australian Pharmaceutical mob so cannot get GSK anyway.  Besides that, it is definitely 6 months been on generic and possibly another good 6-12 months before that, so too late to switch now.

 

 

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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On 10/19/2017 at 11:40 AM, LexAnger said:

Hi GrandMaD, I am so sorry things are still so tough for you! Your suffering makes me feel heartbroken. I know how extremely difficult to push through each day with so much pain and agony. My God, I wish there is a magic thing can turn off all the symptoms!

 

I don't know what to think of. You had lots pain for long time. I wonder if its all possible that maybe, just maybe some of the most ugly symptoms are actually from the meds? Are you still considering switching to Prozac?

 

sending you warm hugs for some comfort,

lex   

Thank you precious one.  I am starting to improve now, each day getting better and better.  The biggest thing is my head - it feels so different - not "dead" or like I am not here.  It is difficult to describe and in fact I have noticed I don't even know I am like that until it gets better!  It  is as if I can see clearly again (and I do recall posting those words from time to time - perhaps I have been in my batcave again on account of what I have been thru the last 6 months at least and then flu recently).

 

I am getting stronger each day and today I went without my mid morning rest, so I aim to do that each day and then do away with the late pm rests and get back to just the 1 after lunch.  I am feeling more encouraged now too - probably the brain/head thing as I was very low and beginning to think things would never change, never improve, and so on.

 

I think being at the end of a 6 month hold has helped all w/d symptoms also and because of the flu, I held on for another few weeks.

 

Yes Lex, I think you have made an invaluable contribution to this site to challenge some of us that it might not just be w/d we are contending with but the toxic effects of these drugs long term and myself for one, I have considered this aspect ever since I read your story.  I believe my story is the same as yours - reaction from the drug I should never have been put on - which was for pain and for you it was for headaches and depression and anxiety were never an issue for either of us.

 

However, after what is now 24 years on it for me, I have to face the effect of the trauma to my brain as a result of it and still need to come of it slowly.  Having said that, I have come to a place where I am truly inspired by you and your courage and bravery to try and go faster than I have been, because when things went downhill in the last 12 months (that is when I believe the generic was switched) I went down to a 1% taper!)  I made up my mind to get off asap even if I have to be bedridden for days, weeks and months! 

 

Bless you and sending you much affection back, hugs and cuddles x grandma

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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Recent past update continued:

I decided to see out the 6 month hold I was doing since March this year and then make a decision whether to switch or not.  I didn’t see any change for 5 months of that hold, but at the 6 month mark, there was a dramatic improvement in the intensity and frequency of most symptoms. 

 

 

Then I got the flu, which felt like I had slammed into the side of a bus, and I didn’t handle the severity of those symptoms and it really threw me!  I was pleased I had made the decision to keep holding at this point, which was about the 6 month mark.  Strangely though, though I was incapacitated with the flu, the w/d symptoms went down to very, very minimul and some went away which was a huge relief, but I was very sick and low with the flu now!  Perhaps it was the 6 month mark that saw w/d symptoms improve at this point.

 

When I first got the flu I thought it was hayfever, and I went into overload,(probably the neuro emotions again), and I took some anti-histamines.  When they didn’t help, I took a different kind that night and next day a different sort again.  They didn’t help (and were supposed to make you drowsy) instead, I was revved up no end with anxiety, rapid pulse and did not sleep all night, I was dizzy, nauseas and the palpitations were reverberating in the bed, so hard, it was very disturbing and I even considered ringing the ambulance.  The only thing that prevented me doing so was that the hospital might put me on some other drug that would make things even worse.  This was very intense for 3 days and then eased off over the following week. 

 

Next day without any sleep, I was a worse mess.  I had forgotten altogether that I should not take anti-histamines, but the brain obviously goes dead at these times.  I started to get a sore throat and gargled Betadine and then accidentally swallowed it, and I this probably added to the overload of “drugs” in my system.  Three days later my bowel movement was a beautiful bright mustard yellow colour, and I was so relieved to know that it was out of my system.  If there was a thing called “bumbook”  instead of “facebook,” I could post that! 

 

When I got over that incident and was recovering from the flu, it was very weird.  w/d symptoms were very mild and many just disappeared!  So while I felt absolutely miserable and low, I could breathe without feeling like a heavy weight on my chest and that was a nice relief.  The palpitations were so mild I could hardly notice them and the anxiety was so improved that I was able to get back to sleep each time I woke up through the night and even slept in later than usual most mornings and that was very different and so nice for a change!

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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Present

Apart from the usual flu symptoms which have now ceased, I have had incredible fatigue with everything being a huge effort and having to force myself to cook or clean.  I have absolutely no desire or incentive, so I’m not sure if is just fatigue from the flu or depression, or both?  The shakes (which I’ve had from time to time in the past) increased also, especially if I tried to do anything energetic, like just cooking lunch and quite often mid-morning when it was morning tea time and just making a cuppa.

 

So that brings me up to par I think!  When I went through the melt down over the generic brand, I sat down and worked out that at the rate I was going it would take me another 7 years to get off!  This realisation then sent me ballistic again!  That was another reason I wanted to switch.  But what I had forgotten, was that when I had those 4 months of muscle spasms, back in March, I went down to a 1% taper!  Combined with 6 month holds for the last 3 years, this is why it has been so slow and so long.

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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Future

I hope I can get accustomed to the generic now, and try and go back to a 2.5% taper and if I can do it without any more 6 month holds each year, I can do it in 3.5 years!  Another 3.5 years seems like unbearable to me at the moment, so I can only say I will determine to do one more year and then see what to do then. 

 

What helped me decide to keep going was when I drew a picture of a mountain and divided it into 20mg slices and when I saw I only have 3 slices at the top to go, I felt more encouraged to continue.  I can see now too, looking back how easy it is to feel like nothing ever changes, it will never improve, and that there is no hope, especially when you have pain and so on.

 

 It just seems absolutely ridiculous for that last 3mg to take another 3.5 years if I can do it.  I just feel like I am at my wits end and have had enough and want to get off this awful merry-go-round! 

 

But then I read about the determination and endurance and perseverance of people like Lexanger – and I am now truly inspired to give it “one more shot” around the mountain, even if I have to spend the days in bed or on the couch!  There are so many true heroes on this site, coping with what seems the impossible and I honestly do not know how it doesn’t kill us, it has to be the love and goodness of God, that is the only explanation.

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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  • 2 weeks later...

Update

It has been  6-12 months now since I crashed badly (which I believe was the result of being switched to a Generic brand).  I have stabilized somewhat and have calmed down a bit as a result, however I still have the constant tiredness and lethargy.  The fatigue (days when you can do absolutely nothing but lie on the couch) has improved to what it was before, like 1 or 2 days a week. 

I did used to have 2 or 3 good days a week and only 1 or 2 really bad days.

During that crash I had no good days and up to 4 bad days a week, the rest were so-so

Things are now returning to my “normal” 1 or 2 bad days a week and 1 or 2 good days, so not quite there yet with my good days.

How do change my signature?  My profile is all different and I can't find it!

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

Link to comment

Hi grandmaD. I'm so glad to see that you are experiencing some small improvements. That's encouraging. I like your mountain analogy as it breaks it down into something achievable even though it will likely take some considerable time.  Don't underestimate yourself, as you're also a hero displaying courage and endurance !

 

To change your signature, click on your name ( top right) : then click on Account Settings : go 4 down to Signature : change and save. Voila ! :)

 

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • Moderator

Hi GrandmaD--  It's so good to hear that things are starting to stabilize for you.  Constant fatigue is a hallmark of paxil WD.  I had to fight through it constantly.  I found that it was more of a physiological thing because I could push way, way past what I thought I could  do.  I had to be careful doing that though as it would come back to bit me if I did too much.  I'm so glad you're feeling better.

 

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

 

Brass

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Hey grandmaD,

I too are from Sydney Australia and have been on Paxil a long time. I'm only down too 36mg and have a long road ahead of me. I think you have done amazing with your taper and wish one day I could get there as well.

I need to work as I have two little children that need me so I need to go slow so I can function. what would be your best advice on coming of Paxil ? I've had a hard time since my last drop 2 weeks ago and would appreciate your knowledge

1995 started Paxil 20mg slowly increasing to 50mg until 2014

-2014 I decided to tapper myself not knowing how too and crashed , DR added 50mg Seraquel

-2015 tried tapering again and crashed

 

Started Tapering Both drugs at the same time 6% per month doing daily micro-taper 

Guided by Mark Horowitz

24/09/23  14.47mg Seroquel.  16.19mg Paxil 

27/11/23.  12.13mg. Seroquel.   13.85mg Paxil

 

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I am so sorry to hear yet another horror story!  Doctors have a lot to answer for!  I am glad you have found this site for support.  I find it mind boggling you were on such a high dose!  The Seraquel - my son was on Seroquel and anti-psychotic but doctors told him it was a sleeping pill.  Is that what you are on?

 

Have you set yourself up a journal?  You will get more support and help that way.  I am not sure I can be much help as I am still suffering despite going super, super turtle slow, has been like I CT.  Just this last 5 days had a headache for 4 of them and makes it so hard to function.  I will do what I can if you have a journal.

 

As for advice, I am not a good one to ask, really, make many mistakes along the way, so getting despondent being my worst enemy and wanting to "hurry the process up" and trying to go too fast probably best advice is try and keep positive (do whatever it takes - read books, get counselling, etc) and be patient (easier said than done!)

 

Probably the best thing I can say is if what you are doing is working for you, then don't change it, stick with it!  All the best!

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Great to hear you are more stable and having more good days!

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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  • 3 weeks later...

Thanks Songbird.  Getting there now, I think!  Sounds like you are coping pretty well with your taper schedule?

 

I am very pleased to say I have returned to my previous “baseline” pattern from before I hit rock bottom, during this past year,  which I believe was the result of being unknowingly switched to a generic.

It started in July 2016 and I went downhill until rock bottom in Oct. 2016.  By Oct 2017 I started to come gradually back out with some symptoms improving.  By November I thought I might be stabilizing and now I can say I have.  My averages have returned to what they were before.  This is such a relief considering I was about to switch to something different a few months ago. 

 

I was quite scared to begin to taper again after the 6 month hold.  I didn’t see any change for 5 months and I began to get discouraged and panic about switching.  It wasn’t until the 6 months mark I saw some improvement.  I was torn at that point to just do another month and enjoy some reasonable kind of life for a bit, but always is fight against the impatient desire to get off asap!  I was very apprehensive, but I came through it better than I had feared!

My pattern during this taper began to show some improvement in weeks 7 and 8 which is also how it used to be like.  Week 5 was the worst week, reaching a peak just like it used to before.

 

Just the same, I looked back at week 1 and at the end of week 8 there was slight improvement in symptoms like insomnia, anxiety, head vibes, h/a frequency with good improvement in energy levels, breathlessness, tight chest and rapid pulse. 

Compared to week 1, week 8  was slightly worse for palpitations, head banging sensation, h/a intensity

Compared to week 1, week 8 remained the same for Indigestion, vibrations, head pressure and sore heads

As there have been more improvements than worse, I decided to taper, but it will be more like a slide, as I have some capsules I had weighed previously and not used, so may as well keep using them up.

 

 

 

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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This week has been pretty good! I held on for another week (9) due to other stress factors apart from w/d and because I already had the capsules made up.  So that extra week was even better than week 8 and I had days without any head issues at all (highly unusual) which was so nice.  I also have started back doing the vacuuming and mopping, so see if I can keep that up from now on.

 

The first taper since holding saw a return of an average of 2 good days a week compared to only .5 good days for the last 6-12 months and while only 2, it makes a big difference.

 

I thought I might have no headaches for week 9, but I still had the 2.  That average went to 3 or 4 during the last 12 months.  So “I’m back to my “usual” average.

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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So good to hear you are continuously doing better, GrandmaD! Hugs hugs hugs!!

Im truly happy for you! May the windows longer and wider!

 

BTW, I'm glad you didn't switch - I was very concerned during that time you were considering it.

 

Love,

lex

 

 

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Very good news that you have stabilised after all that trouble.

2001–2002 paroxetine

2003  citalopram

2004-2008  paroxetine (various failed tapers) 
2008  paroxetine slow taper down to

2016  Aug off paroxetine
2016  citalopram May 20mg  Oct 15mg … slow taper down
2018  citalopram 13 Feb 4.6mg 15 Mar 4.4mg 29 Apr 4.2mg 6 Jul 4.1mg 17 Aug 4.0mg  18 Nov 3.8mg
2019  15 Mar 3.6mg  21 May 3.4mg  26 Dec 3.2mg 

2020  19 Feb 3.0mg 19 Jul 2.9mg 16 Sep 2.8mg 25 Oct 2.7mg 23 Oct 2.6mg 24 Dec 2.5mg

2021   29 Aug 2.4mg   15 Nov 2.3mg

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16 hours ago, LexAnger said:

So good to hear you are continuously doing better, GrandmaD! Hugs hugs hugs!!

Im truly happy for you! May the windows longer and wider!

 

BTW, I'm glad you didn't switch - I was very concerned during that time you were considering it.

 

Love,

lex

 

 

Thank you - you are a dear and precious soul, so encouraging for others even when you are in a bad way!  I so appreciate your strength, encouragement and support!  I hope you can find an answer to the itching thing, it sounds like those prickles I  got from time to time but then on several ocasions I had for weeks and weeks and was so stressful, aggravating, annoying, you name it!  I'm surprised  the claritine isn't helping.  Would a different anti-histamaine help do you think?

 

I guess the main reason I didn't switch was I had already been on the generic at least for a definite 6 months and most  likely 6 months before that, so I thought I had already been on it too long to switch to something different again.

 

Another analogy always comes to mind with switching is that of my bed.  I am used to my bed and so mostly okay, any problems are just w/d.  BUT if I go sleep elsewhere, in a different bed - big trouble with backache and hip ache!!  So a DIFFERENT bed doesn't help .  I could try several different beds, but none of them help.   I have to go back to the same bed I've been sleeping in for donkeys years!

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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Songbird, thank you also for your wonderful support, you surely are also another "turtle trouper"!!!  I wonder how Ladybug is going!

 

I’m still seeing most of my symptoms return to the same average I had previous to this last 12 months horrendous blip of being switched to a generic.

 

I have remembered to take my “poison” during the last 8 week taper, something I could never do before, despite an alarm and hubby reminders!

 

I have not been bashing into doorways for some time now!

 

Something else new!  I have been out in the garden twice now.  One day it resulted in the headache coming back and both times increased back ache.

 

  I find resting for a day or so in between helps.  That is also amazing because to recover in a few days is good, compared to the past where I could have it for a week or more.

 

So I think it is very much looking like I am returning to my normal “abnormal” from before and that is encouraging.

 

 

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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3 hours ago, grandmaD said:

Thank you - you are a dear and precious soul, so encouraging for others even when you are in a bad way!  I so appreciate your strength, encouragement and support!  I hope you can find an answer to the itching thing, it sounds like those prickles I  got from time to time but then on several ocasions I had for weeks and weeks and was so stressful, aggravating, annoying, you name it!  I'm surprised  the claritine isn't helping.  Would a different anti-histamaine help do you think?

 

I guess the main reason I didn't switch was I had already been on the generic at least for a definite 6 months and most  likely 6 months before that, so I thought I had already been on it too long to switch to something different again.

 

Another analogy always comes to mind with switching is that of my bed.  I am used to my bed and so mostly okay, any problems are just w/d.  BUT if I go sleep elsewhere, in a different bed - big trouble with backache and hip ache!!  So a DIFFERENT bed doesn't help .  I could try several different beds, but none of them help.   I have to go back to the same bed I've been sleeping in for donkeys years!

Hi GrandmaD, it was me, lexanger :) 

i didn't take any medicine for itch. My itch never is constant so I can handle it without doing anything.

 

you were probably thinking about LexAdvice :)

 

Anyway, nice chatting again, hope you you are having a good day!

 

lex

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Oh dear!  You are right, I thought it was you!  Yes, it was another Lex!  Thanks for telling me!  I am about to post something good about my brain seeing more details, but obviously it hasn't honed on finer details yet!!  Here is my post:

 

Something else that’s good   – with my head –  it’s different on those “good days”, like more clear, more space around me or something, almost like “waking up after a dream” or something.. things look new.  I first realised it when I walked into the lounge room and realised there was a window, and I stood there for quite a long time, because I could SEE OUT the window!  That’s when I realised I had not been able to see anything past my nose.  Some time later, after that, I walked into the lounge room and noticed we had a sideboard on the far wall!  Before that, all I saw was the lounge (to lie on) and the tv (to watch)!

 

 

Well, now my sight is obviously honing in on smaller things!  I just noticed the little table in the corner of the kitchen/dining room with bits and pieces of fabric on it!  I was stunned that it was still there and began to figure out how long it had been there.  I was working on some patchwork with some leftover fabrics before I had my gall out.  This was in anticipation of having something to do while recovering from surgery.  That was back in 2014!  After surgery, I was a right mess and it took me a good full 2 years to get over that!  I was very sorry I had it done and wouldn’t be surprised if the gut problems from back then were just w/d.  Then, followed a horrific downturn into the pits and I never came back up at all, for 2016/2017. 

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

How exciting is this?  I had a visit from another SA member I met here some time ago and now met in person!  It is so amazing to think I can meet someone on an international forum, . and get to meet her in person!   She lives in another state, a long way away, but was able to see us on a trip to visit their family.  It was just awesome and we had a lovely time together!  It truly is advantageous to talk with others who know what you are going through.  Thanks SA!

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

Link to comment

I can imagine you had a lovely time. Not many people truly understand what we're going through.

Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety.

My paroxetine story from then on:

 

2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg

jan 2016 30mg

may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!)

dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand)

jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10%

...

Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 

5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg

Link to comment

Oh, hi Syd the sloth!  Not heard from you for so long - how are you going?  How often do you taper?  I see you are around the 3mg mark like me.

it is so tiny, isn't it, and so unbelievably hard to accept it can still have such a powerful effect when you drop!!!

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

Link to comment

This Christmas was much more tolerable than previous ones, so that's something.  I noticed it with my head being in a better space.  I had forgotten, but when I thought about it, I remembered I coped previous years by taking mercydol and a sleeping tablet the night before.  At least I have got bey  I used to dread Christmas a week beforehand, which only increased my anxiety more, I can see that now.  My head was in a better place, and I was able to talk to people with more ease, instead of “forcing” it.  I went this time without the usual “obligation/have to do this and resent it” but with less “resistance” this time.  I even spoke briefly to a few people without it being a huge effort.  I had enough after 2 hours, and would like to go home, but that is when they just sat down to eat!  I was able to have my usual nanny nap for 1 hour and slept for 10mins and that helped me to revive for another 2 hours and cope reasonably ok.  The best part was the hours drive home, not having to say or do anything.  I had a cup of tea and shower was ready for bed at 6.30pm.   So it was better than the last 6 years, 2 of those I stayed home and didn’t “do Christmas” at all.   So, definitely some improvement there!  For now, just very glad it is over and hope next year is even better and maybe even "normal."

 

Next day, the after-effect, which I have began to recognise now, is the heaviness, weak, slow and headache thing (and batcave/perhaps depression???) 

 

This taper has kicked in, worse than the first one after a 6 month hold.  I used to be reasonable okay for 3 tapers after a hold, but I was pretty good the last taper, so I could just be noticing the big difference.  All symptoms are back to moderate or high from being mild.  That is very noticeable. 

 

Anxiety, palpitations, rapid pulse, breathlessness are not sky high every day like they used to be, but up and down high to moderate to low various days and sometimes during the one day - this is very different.   Insomnia has ramped up bad, to 4 hours during the night and bad headaches have returned to 2-3 a week.  It could also be that Christmas, with different routines and so on, is having an effect.

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

Link to comment
9 hours ago, grandmaD said:

Oh, hi Syd the sloth!  Not heard from you for so long - how are you going?  How often do you taper?  I see you are around the 3mg mark like me.

it is so tiny, isn't it, and so unbelievably hard to accept it can still have such a powerful effect when you drop!!!

 

I've been less active on SA for a couple of months. It's a rough ride. Like you mentioned in your last post, I also experience anxiety, palpitations, rapid pulse, hyperventilation. Damn these drugs.

 

It's all about coping techniques. I can bear pain and discomfort now like I had never imagined.

 

Man doesn't know what it is to be strong until he has no other option than to be strong.

 

Take care!

Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety.

My paroxetine story from then on:

 

2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg

jan 2016 30mg

may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!)

dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand)

jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10%

...

Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 

5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg

Link to comment

MiT, yes is amazing what you can put up with …  but then, what other choice is there? 

Do you get headaches, head pressure and zaps?  How is your sleep?

 

I tried to drop by your journal but couldn't find it - do you have one? 

 

Did you find that re-instating the 7.5mg helped with your symptoms?

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

Link to comment
On 29-12-2017 at 6:33 AM, grandmaD said:

MiT, yes is amazing what you can put up with …  but then, what other choice is there? 

Do you get headaches, head pressure and zaps?  How is your sleep?

 

I tried to drop by your journal but couldn't find it - do you have one? 

 

Did you find that re-instating the 7.5mg helped with your symptoms?

 

I don't really have headaches, but I do have brain fog from time to time. I also have occasional muscle spams. It's the release of a tension present in the CNS.

 

My sleep is ok, although I almost always wake up in an anxious state. It probably has something to do with cortisol production in the early morning. Once I get up I feel better.

 

Re-instatement was a must for me. It did help as my tremor immediately disappeared. In the first days of reinstatement, taking my paroxetine felt like taking a benzo: immediate calming effect on body and mind. I was really sensitive.

 

I'm not really keeping a journal, though I do have a personal thread that I follow. You can talk to me there if you want. I mainly try to learn from reading other people's stories and perhaps offer advice where I can. 

My current state is that I'm pretty sensitive emotionally. I experience windows and waves like everybody here. And I also have a racing mind to attend. My mind often tries to drag me down. I'm aware of it now.

 

About the taper, I'm jumping to 2.9mg in january. We are really close in dosage. You're staying on a dose for 2 months? Personally I'm starting to slow down as the dose gets lower. I will stay for 2 months on 2.9mg.

Took my first SSRI sipralexa/lexapro/escitalopram in 2007 for depression. In 2010 the doctor switched me to paroxetine/seroxat/paxil for anxiety.

My paroxetine story from then on:

 

2010-15 from 10mg up to 20mg

jan 2016 30mg

may 2016 0mg cold turkey (don't!)

dec 2016 symptoms: anxiety, tremor (could barely stand)

jan 2017 reinstated at 7.5mg to taper in steps of 10%

...

Dose changes from may 2017 to now: 

5.0/4.7/4.4/4.0/3.7/3.5/3.3/3.1mg

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  • 2 weeks later...

WEEK 6 UPDATE AT SUDDEN IMPROVEMENT & COPING BETTER THAN SINCE BEGINNING TO TAPER

 

I just had to come on and post this because I don’t think I have ever been able to post anything positive, ever!

 

I have noticed a sudden improvement in many symptoms, back to baseline and above baseline so I decided to do an update.

 

I noticed a huge improvement in energy levels just before Christmas and the ability to cope better and have a conversation with people.  I went backwards a bit during Christmas, but this was no different to any other year, except I did cope better with it this year.  I noticed I was able to talk to people this year and lasted longer.

 

I settled back down after that and continued to have more energy with hardly any fatigue.

Fatigue 16 episodes - for hold

First taper after hold – 7 episodes

This taper – 1 episode

 

This improvement in tiredness, weakness, heaviness, lethargy and fatigue has been reflected in the number of good days being HEAPS better than my base line of 0-1 good days p/w to 2-4 good days p/w.  When I have 4 good days in a week, I think I have gone to heaven!

 

It is also reflected in the number of bad days, also better than base line, going from 2-4 bad days p/w to 1-2 bad days p/w.  2 bad days a week has always been my base line for many years now.

 

The other thing I noticed was being able to walk without any pain or difficulty.  I constantly had backache/pain at the top of my back across R shoulder when I walked making it extremely difficult.  The breathlessness also made it difficult.  I was doing 10-20mins if I could.  Lately I have done 20mins easily and some days 30mins which is amazing.

 

 

 

The next thing I noticed was that I started talking!  Then I realized I was having FEELINGS!  Because a friend of ours AND my husband just TALK OVER THE TIME OF ME NOW – my speech is pretty slow and sometimes I have to stop because I can’t think of the right word, so they just BUTT IN.  That made me feel FRUSTRATED, ANGRY, ANNOYED and HURT!  This was a real shock to my system!  I actually then thought to myself, I was better off in my batcave where things didn’t matter and I would shrug it off with “whatever”. 

 

So I have been having disagreements now with hubby.  This is also a big shock, because the thing is this – I have been married to him (2nd marriage) 23 years.  I was put on paxil 22 years ago, so he really only knew the “real me” for 1 year before I was dumbed and numbed down.  I guess it is also a shock to him to encounter this.  I have been a zombie for so many years and then when w/d started – which is 6.5years now on a slow taper and 10 years of fast tapering and crashes – I was an absolute nobody, a nothing, like a piece of the furniture.  I couldn’t communicate, nor make decisions.  He has been paying bills, doing the shopping, etc.  I haven’t driven in donkey years and still wouldn’t trust my brain with that one.

 

The next thing I noticed this last taper was my ability to go downtown and into a couple of shops and cope with it!  This is stupendous!  Yesterday we went for a 1.5hour drive to visit friends I hadn’t seen in a year.  Normally if I did that, that is ALL I COULD HANDLE.  But after that we went to a shop and looked around.  I felt rather “normal”.  However after that, I needed a mid-morning rest in car for an hour.  After that we went to a Mall and into TWO shops looking for shoes for my daughter’s wedding in April!  We had LUNCH OUT and another hour rest in car!  The other “strange” thing I caught myself doing was talking to a child who was trying on shoes next to me!!!  Unheard of!!!  For so many years now, if I had to walk past someone, I put my head down so as not to have to look at them or speak to them.  The greatest fear when out walking was having someone say “good morning, how are you?” and have to respond!

 

The main reason for coping with all this is that my head is starting to ‘clear” from the constant head pressure and fog, but I still have head noise going on.  Normally I have up to 3-4 headaches a week and it has been 2 weeks WITHOUT  a headache.  THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED EVER!  What a difference it makes without a headache every other day and head pressure.  I can think better, and talk more.

 

Added to all that, I have been under considerable and extreme stress again with my son being suicidal again.  I have been ASTONISHED at how I  have coped this time with that and still see this improvement, it is beyond thinking about.

 

I am going to go through all my symptoms and hopefully post them tomorrow.

 

 

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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Omg! I have to give you a big long bear hug first before saying anything!

 

i myself got too excited now!  

 

hugs hugs hugs!

 

 

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Ok now, I'm so so happy for you GrandMaD for the finally most deserved big clear wide window!!!

 

this made me think again, is it possible what you had in the past were mostly from drug ( side effects and toxicity)?

 

 

Drug free Sep. 23 2017

2009 Mar.: lexapro 10mg for headache for 2 weeks.

2009-2012: on and off 1/4 to 1/3 of 10mg

2012 June--2013 Jan,: 1/4-1/3 of 10mg generic, bad jaw pain

2013 Jan-Mar: 10 mg generic. severe jaw and head pain;

2013 Mar--Aug. started tapering (liquid ever since) from 10 to 5 (one step) then gradually down to 2.25 mg by July. first ever panic attack, severe head/jaw pain

2013 Aug.: back to 2.75 mg; Nov: back to Brand Lex. 2.75mg -- 3mg,

2014 June: stopped PPI, head pressure/numbness. up-dosed 4.5mg, severe reaction mental symptoms added on

2014 Aug--2015 Aug: Micro taper down to 3.2mg, .025mg (<1%) cut holding 2-3 weeks.

2015 Aug 15th, Accidental one dose of 4.2mg. worsening brain non-functional, swollen head, body, coma like, DR

2016 Feb., started dosing 10am through 11 pm everyday 2/13--3.2mg, 3/15-- 2.9mg, 4/19-- 2.6mg, 6/26--2.2mg, 7/22 --1.9mg, 8/16--1.8mg,8/31--1.7m g, 9/13--1.6mg, 9/27--1.5mg, 10/8--1.4mg, 10/14--1.3mg, 11/1--1.2mg, 11/29--1.1mg, 12/12--1mg, 12/22--0.9mg

2017: 1/7--0.8mg, 1/15--0.7mg, 1/17--0.6mg, 1/20--0.52, 1/21--0.4mg, 1/22--0.26, 1/23--0.2, 2/13--0.13mg, 2/20--0.06mg, 3/18--0.13mg, 6/1--0.12mg, 7/6--0.1mg, 7/14--0.08mg, 8/17--0.04mg, 8/20--0.03mg, 8/28--0.02mg, 9/6--0.0205mg, 9/8--0.02mg, 9/17--0.015mg, 9/20--0.01mg, 9/21--0.0048mg, 9/22--0.0001mg,

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Lex, I did consider this, especially after your experience!  When I was holding for 5 months I wasn't getting any better so decided to go 1 more month and taper whether improvement or not, but after 6 month saw improvements in half my symptoms.  So not sure!

 

Anyway, since tapering, the first one was much better than they have been in the past and now this one seen huge improvement.  I still wonder about what you say and I will do a bit of an experiment and taper at this 6 week mark instead of usual 8 week.  If things keep going ok, you could be right. 

 

I don't know about windows - could never relate to windows/waves as I just been in waves all the time, sometimes underwater, sometimes treading water, sometimes on the water but never coping!  With 16 different symptoms I was never without any.  Usually headaches and if not then pressure heads and always at the same time the palpitations, breathlessness, head jolts, sore heads, etc.  Nothing to have at least 8-10 symptoms at same time.  Currently only 4-6, big difference!

 

Lex, I have been following you, and so sad you are still struggling and just couldn't find the words, but my heart and prayers are with you always and thanks for the BIG hug, and I give you A BIG HUG back! 

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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Just to report some other amazing things.  I have been doing the vacuuming again the past 2 weeks and found it quite easy!  Also the bathrooms.  Both these jobs used to be SUCH A HUGE EFFORT and sucked up all my energy and left me lifeless.  However, I couldn't believe it only took me 10 mins to do the bathroom/ensuite!  Also the vacuuming seemed quick and effortless.

 

Because the biggest thing is more energy, I cleaned the tiles in the shower!  This only took 10 mins but I found I couldn't scrub the scum off due to no strength in my arms.  I have known a long time I have no strength in my back and legs, but didn't realise arms also.

 

Another job I did was vacuum mattresses, something never done in 10 years.  There are so many jobs that never get done, but I am aware of taking it one at a time!  Today I did some weeding, but overdid it (30mins) and there are SO MANY WEEDS now.  It is disheartening, but I have to just do 15mins at a time next time.  I was strengthless, weak and shakey, sos have come in to sit and recover.

 

The biggest thing apart from energy is the tight chest has improved HEAPS so I can breathe better now, but still get breathless.

 

The other thing I noticed is I am now sweating!  This is GOOD THING because this drug stops us from sweating (dries up everything) and that's why we get full of toxins, because the skin is the biggest organ in the body.

 

One more improvement - which I noticed after the switch to generic is NO MORE CONSTIPATION.  When I researched the generic as opposed to GSK Paxil I saw one of Paxil's "fillers" was polyethylene glycols which I think is a laxative.  In my generic brand, the laxative is a different one, called macrogel 400, so it obviously works better.    for those on Paxil - there are 7 different "fillers" !

 

I am down to 1/8th of tablet!!!!

1995-2007      20mg Aropax/Paxil for pain.  Years of up and down doses

2008                Endep, Lexapro and then Esipram (hell!) CT (oh dear!)

2009                20mg Aropax.  Tried skipping doses for a year (more hell!)

                        2010                10mg.  10% taper.  Lasted 4 months. Crashed again

2011                5% taper. 9mg-7mg (hell got even worse!)

2012                2.5% taper.  6.6mg – 5.6mg (worser still & unbearable)

2013                5% taper.  Big mistake.  5.5mg – 4.6mg  (even worserer)

2014                2.5% taper.  4.9mg – 4.5mg;    2015 2.5% taper 4.4 - 4.0mg

2016                2.5% taper.  3.9mg  Feb 3.8   Mar 3.7  May 3.6   Jul 3.5

2017                2.5% taper.  Jan 3.4;   Mar 3.35;  Apr 3.3; Oct 3; Dec 2.9;

2018                2.5% taper. Jan 2.8; Mar 2.7; Mar: 2.75; Jun 2.7; Aug 2.6; Oct 2.5; Nov 2.4; Dec 2.3

2019                Jan 2.2; Feb 2.1;

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