GirlfromD: insomnia

[GirlfromD]

On 9/20/2018 at 11:00 PM, powerback said:

HI GD you have just taking every word out of my own experience ,its astonishing what is going on in the brain let alone when its tricked by going on and coming off drugs .from my experience when I am in a serious irritation cycle ,the best thing for me is to isolate and distract .

 

Guilt is hideous ,I suggest doing a lot of reading up on all these guilt feelings and guilt itself  ,they very well are  exaggerated as nuero emotions  but its hard when caught it the spiral .

I suggest getting a diary and expressing your feelings into that and maybe even a specific "anger" diary to vent .

Our bodys are extrodianrly complex [in my opinion the most astonishing thing the human race will ever know ] this quest to live on mars doesn't even come close lol.

I often talk about serious criminals and dangerous people not having guilt for there crimes and good folk who respect other having "issues" with guilt .it doesn't make sense does it .

 the body will hold onto stress in every living tissue of the body ,I suggest some for of release through exercise,journaling ,we are like sponges absorbing everything around us .

 

This withdrawal in my opinion makes us like  empaths ,I have the ability to absorb someone's bad mood   and pain instantaneously.[the pain body ,Eckhart tolle ,google this ,its very interesting and so true ].   

 I need to be constantly be  aware of being over stimulated positively and negative. im just back from a trip to visit my little niece and she hugged me and said I love you uncle and in her little voice nearly crushed me with emotion to my knees ,I deserve that love because im a decent human being like you say you and are under the dark cloud of withdrawl ,just keep at it ,we all do and the sun will shine ,always love and accept yourself ,learn everyday about you not what people think of you . 

Find music ,movies ,books that nurture nice positive feelings in your soul.

ok we need to get through the bad times but need to nurture our souls because this withdrawl is the demon and ive let it manipulate me for way to long ,its time to fight back and slay the dragon  

Take care and be safe G

Thanks for your great advices, Powerback, they were very good. Yes, it's funny how similar our experiences sometimes are. 

 

I will investigate some more about guilt as you mentioned, it sounds very interesting, and it is something that troubles me as lot. How funny that you mentioned the anger-diary, I actually found something about it the other day, and started yesterday writing in it, maybe it can help me trace som patterns etc.

I will google what you mentioned about the "pain-body" it sounds very interesting too.

 

God it's frustrating that it can take such a long time to recover from these meds, but I feel like i have to try, and get through this no matter what. I sometimes feel like a teenager, or a child, the way I behave or feel, and it feels quite strange, as if i have to start over and rebuild myself from scratch again. Sometimes I wonder if my family notices how i'm so different now from what I used to be, like i change constantly, but hopefully one day I will return to my old self, but my journey through this has stolen my "sense of self" maybe it's the depersonalization thing or anhedonia i'm not sure. Perhaps some of my anger stems through this as well. Angry like a teenager times "100" that's me  .

 

I will keep my focus on the things you suggested, music, books and movies etc. (great distractions) I actually have a book I consider reading at the moment. It's some kind of a self-learning book, but I'm not quite sure I'm ready to read it, but maybe i should give it a try anyway.

 

Best wishes

[powerback]

2 hours ago, GirlfromD said:

Thanks for your great advices, Powerback, they were very good. Yes, it's funny how similar our experiences sometimes are. 

 

I will investigate some more about guilt as you mentioned, it sounds very interesting, and it is something that troubles me as lot. How funny that you mentioned the anger-diary, I actually found something about it the other day, and started yesterday writing in it, maybe it can help me trace som patterns etc.

I will google what you mentioned about the "pain-body" it sounds very interesting too.

 

God it's frustrating that it can take such a long time to recover from these meds, but I feel like i have to try, and get through this no matter what. I sometimes feel like a teenager, or a child, the way I behave or feel, and it feels quite strange, as if i have to start over and rebuild myself from scratch again. Sometimes I wonder if my family notices how i'm so different now from what I used to be, like i change constantly, but hopefully one day I will return to my old self, but my journey through this has stolen my "sense of self" maybe it's the depersonalization thing or anhedonia i'm not sure. Perhaps some of my anger stems through this as well. Angry like a teenager times "100" that's me  .

 

I will keep my focus on the things you suggested, music, books and movies etc. (great distractions) I actually have a book I consider reading at the moment. It's some kind of a self-learning book, but I'm not quite sure I'm ready to read it, but maybe i should give it a try anyway.

 

Best wishes

You will never be the same way again in a good way ,we will never suffer fools that's for sure .youl have more to give to your surroundings than ever before ,its up to them if there bothered listening ,im basically a lone wolf now[besides my partner ] ,I've spent years gazing at others lives ,its time to stop

.what echart tolle has to say about the human condition is extraordinary[there are others also]  .

I grew up gazing and watching Hollywood movies endlessly [escapism].use this experience to find out what you hold dear[sorry im not aware of your age but you get my drift ].

Oh yes that loss of sense of self ,very true ,were in there just believe it .

find a distraction that makes you forget about everything in life[within reason] and do the self-help stuff when appropriate .

Take care. 

[GirlfromD]

I'm just feeling soo much anger and rage lately! I'm so frustrated. Yesterday i had a anger attack again, were i yelled and screamed at my father, and at one point i even shouted where is the robe i'm going to hang myself, i would never do that! i just got so out of control angry. I moved back home with him 2 years ago because of wd. I'm sad and frustrated, feeling out of control, i thought things would be easier by now, and now this rage thing.

 

In the beginning of wd i went through a period with crying and feeling sad all the time, then depression and now this rage thing. There's also people in my family that i almost feel like i hate, i can't stand them, and i wasn't like that while i was still on the meds. Especially my brothers girlfriend which i had no problem with on the meds, but now i just see her as very immature, annoying and very attention-seeking person, she has been in the family some years while i was on meds (i was on meds for 5 years) And now i just absolutely can't stand her, i have another sister who can't stand her either so it's not just me, but i still don't like being so angry and hateful all the time etc. I'm scared im gonna stay like this forever. 

[powerback]

1 hour ago, GirlfromD said:

I'm just feeling soo much anger and rage lately! I'm so frustrated. Yesterday i had a anger attack again, were i yelled and screamed at my father, and at one point i even shouted where is the robe i'm going to hang myself, i would never do that! i just got so out of control angry. I moved back home with him 2 years ago because of wd. I'm sad and frustrated, feeling out of control, i thought things would be easier by now, and now this rage thing.

 

In the beginning of wd i went through a period with crying and feeling sad all the time, then depression and now this rage thing. There's also people in my family that i almost feel like i hate, i can't stand them, and i wasn't like that while i was still on the meds. Especially my brothers girlfriend which i had no problem with on the meds, but now i just see her as very immature, annoying and very attention-seeking person, she has been in the family some years while i was on meds (i was on meds for 5 years) And now i just absolutely can't stand her, i have another sister who can't stand her either so it's not just me, but i still don't like being so angry and hateful all the time etc. I'm scared im gonna stay like this forever. 

Hi GD .I empathise deeply ,get your head in a pillow and scream ,you will really need to control this and stop raging at people because the human condition is wired to be defensive of this behaviour [not a judgement ].you will play into the hands of DRs and physiatrists doing this .you will need to research an outlet to release this that suits you .

Theres a saying" we dislike in others what we don't like in ourselves".there's a lot to this ,its very true to my understanding.

 

I was in a house the other day and on the wall in the bathroom there was a saying "forgive others faults because they are tolerant of yours".i cant get this saying out of my head .

you were blunted with meds and you need to learn to float thru the strong feelings and emotions that have come back .

Your in pain for what your going thru so that can come out as hate ,keep at the healing and learning the med free you ,its the only way if we choose to give up the meds ,oh some days I wish I was numb again but other days im happy to feel human ,your not alone and its very hard and tricky at times .

Take care . 

[GirlfromD]

22 minutes ago, powerback said:

Hi GD .I empathise deeply ,get your head in a pillow and scream ,you will really need to control this and stop raging at people because the human condition is wired to be defensive of this behaviour [not a judgement ].you will play into the hands of DRs and physiatrists doing this .you will need to research an outlet to release this that suits you .

Theres a saying" we dislike in others what we don't like in ourselves".there's a lot to this ,its very true to my understanding.

 

I was in a house the other day and on the wall in the bathroom there was a saying "forgive others faults because they are tolerant of yours".i cant get this saying out of my head .

you were blunted with meds and you need to learn to float thru the strong feelings and emotions that have come back .

Your in pain for what your going thru so that can come out as hate ,keep at the healing and learning the med free you ,its the only way if we choose to give up the meds ,oh some days I wish I was numb again but other days im happy to feel human ,your not alone and its very hard and tricky at times .

Take care . 

Thank you Powerback. It's just so tough and intense. I thought about buying a punching bag and se if i can let it out that way. I just really hope it get's easier and subsides again this rage and disliking. And i just speculate what causes it, and will i ever like these people again that i dislike so much, or was i just suppressed by the meds, and now see someone the true and real way, of course with som neuro-emotions mixed in. It's confusing. I know that saying too, and there is probably some truth to that too. Hope you're doing well.

[powerback]

22 minutes ago, GirlfromD said:

Thank you Powerback. It's just so tough and intense. I thought about buying a punching bag and se if i can let it out that way. I just really hope it get's easier and subsides again this rage and disliking. And i just speculate what causes it, and will i ever like these people again that i dislike so much, or was i just suppressed by the meds, and now see someone the true and real way, of course with som neuro-emotions mixed in. It's confusing. I know that saying too, and there is probably some truth to that too. Hope you're doing well.

the holey grail in all this journey is to keep learning and limit or never end up near a DR that is going to relinquish power away from us so we need to always learn how to parent ourselves because depending on our circumstances we are still hurt and angry kids ,there's  nothing wrong with feelings and emotions but we need to be respectful of how it affects others.

.ide love to blame meds on all my "issues " but I had issues since I was a kid  .if im going to live med free I need to take responsibility for my health and future .I wallowed for way to long in self-pity.

Im noticing results with how I react to things ,its getting better and years to come itl be even  better but its  a journey  .

We need to make a conscious effort to get away from the medical model of labels and focus on the fact   we are human beings with feelings and emotions and some of us are hurt or didn't have the comping skills of the masses [I didn't ].

Don't judge yourself for the feelings ,just work on how you channel them .

Theres another thing to consider ,your under stress going through this and the body needs to release tension so release it  ,our emotions also build if we ignore them .

Take care and happy punch bagging lol.

 

[GirlfromD]

 

I will work on them and find ways to channel it better. and you are right about being respectful and think about how we affects others. Its better to handle the issues yes, rather than being mad and blaming and blaming. I must just let time pass, and do what i can do.

 

2 hours ago, powerback said:

Take care and happy punch bagging lol.

Thanks haha, i will 😀 You take care too.

[GirlfromD]

Lately i been having this tickling sensation in body, it's been here for some weeks now, it's very uncomfortable. Kind of like some sort of internal acid feeling floating through my body, which feels like it tickles in my whole body, it worries me a bit. Anybody who might know what this is?

[ChessieCat]

paresthesia-pins-needles-numbness-tingling-burning-sensations-aka-neuropathy

 

Sensory Abnormalities is on the list of Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist

 

dysautonomia-autonomic-dysregulation

 

Last year during summer I was wearing synthetic dresses and I was able to feel the fibres sticking out from the fabric.  They are old house clothes which I have worn for years and this was the first time I had experienced this sensation.

[GirlfromD]

17 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

paresthesia-pins-needles-numbness-tingling-burning-sensations-aka-neuropathy

 

Sensory Abnormalities is on the list of Dr Joseph Glenmullen's WD Symptoms Checklist

 

dysautonomia-autonomic-dysregulation

 

Last year during summer I was wearing synthetic dresses and I was able to feel the fibres sticking out from the fabric.  They are old house clothes which I have worn for years and this was the first time I had experienced this sensation.

Hello ChessieCat, and thanks for your reply and the links. Do you know where this might stem from? I couldn't find anything specific in these topics about "tickling sensastions", most talk about "tingling" and i feel more of a "tickling" acid thing, is this the same thing? How did this symptom affect you? and did it go away?  

[ChessieCat]

Members have mentioned many weird things that they experience during withdrawal.  My symptom was just a bit annoying and it seems to have resolved itself.  If you check out the Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptoms list you can see the wide variety of them.

 

This topic might help:  are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

And this:

 

 

On 12/4/2015 at 2:41 AM, apace41 said:

Basically- you have a building where the MAJOR steel structures are trying to be rebuilt at different times - ALL while people are coming and going in the building and attempting to work.

It would be like if the World Trade Center Towers hadn't completely fallen - but had crumbled inside in different places.. Imagine if you were trying to rebuild the tower - WHILE people were coming and going and trying to work in the building!  You'd have to set up a temporary elevator - but when you needed to fix part of that area, you'd have to tear down that elevator and set up a temporary elevator somewhere else. And so on. You'd have to build, work around, then tear down, then build again, then work around, then build... ALL while people are coming and going, ALL while the furniture is being replaced, ALL while the walls are getting repainted... ALL while life is going on INSIDE the building. No doubt it would be chaotic. That is EXACTLY what is happening with windows and waves.  The windows are where the body has "got it right" for a day or so - but then the building shifts and the brain works on something else - and it's chaos again while another temporary pathway is set up to reroute function until repairs are made.  

 

 

[GirlfromD]

On 10/17/2018 at 4:47 AM, ChessieCat said:

Members have mentioned many weird things that they experience during withdrawal.  My symptom was just a bit annoying and it seems to have resolved itself.  If you check out the Glenmullen Withdrawal Symptoms list you can see the wide variety of them.

 

This topic might help:  are-we-there-yet-how-long-is-withdrawal-going-to-take

 

And this:

 

 

 

 

Thank you very much 😊 I'm glad it resolved itself, hopefully mine will too, and i'll try not to worry so much about it anymore. What a great post, it really puts things into perspective, and explains why functioning through withdrawal is so difficult. I will read that topic thanks.

[Peachy]

On 10/13/2018 at 1:10 AM, GirlfromD said:

In the beginning of wd i went through a period with crying and feeling sad all the time, then depression and now this rage thing. There's also people in my family that i almost feel like i hate, i can't stand them, and i wasn't like that while i was still on the meds

Hello! This is exactly the process that happened for me. First is was always waves of depression and and sadness, now it's constant anger/irritation/hate. Are you still experiencing this symptom? Mine is totally irrational, like I'm irritated and don't like my loved ones anymore. I'm talking my mom, husband and DOG sometimes. lol.  They are the kindest people and are doing absolutely nothing wrong. Like the sound of their voice is making me mad. I'm super sensitive to sounds right now too, and it seems to correlate with that... I can't stand the sound of their voices, and what they are saying sounds distorted, no matter what it is, is driving me mad. 

Does this sound like what your experiencing? It is SO scary. This is like mad hatter sh*t. 

I hope you are feeling better! I'm not even off the meds yet. I'm about 6 months longer into the process than you. 

Fingers crossed for us both!

[GirlfromD]

1 hour ago, Peachy said:

Hello! This is exactly the process that happened for me. First is was always waves of depression and and sadness, now it's constant anger/irritation/hate. Are you still experiencing this symptom? Mine is totally irrational, like I'm irritated and don't like my loved ones anymore. I'm talking my mom, husband and DOG sometimes. lol.  They are the kindest people and are doing absolutely nothing wrong. Like the sound of their voice is making me mad. I'm super sensitive to sounds right now too, and it seems to correlate with that... I can't stand the sound of their voices, and what they are saying sounds distorted, no matter what it is, is driving me mad. 

Does this sound like what your experiencing? It is SO scary. This is like mad hatter sh*t. 

I hope you are feeling better! I'm not even off the meds yet. I'm about 6 months longer into the process than you. 

Fingers crossed for us both!

Hello Peachy. It sounds exactly like what i'm experiencing too, spot on! I do not experience so much sadness or depression anymore, with the exception of feeling guilty after an anger attack etc, but basically i feel a lot of anger, irritation, etc.

 

As you described i'm also sensitive to sounds, and if somebody drops something, or being loud i'm getting very irritated and i'm also easily frightened. My family is also very sweet, and i'm so tough on them and they do not deserve that, but i just can't help it. Their voices can also annoy me, and somtimes i feel like i don't love them or feel love anymore even though i know deep down that i do, that's strange.

 

1 hour ago, Peachy said:

This is like mad hatter sh*t.

How funny you would say that 😄 This experience kind of remind me of alice in wonderland sometimes! The world seems so very twisted going through this at times.

 

I'm feeling a little bit better thanks, how about you? hope your'e doing okay too. You will be off one day, just take it one day at a time, how long have you been tapering for? I'm over 2 years off. Crossing my fingers too. We will hopefully heal one day.

 

Best wishes

[Peachy]

3 minutes ago, GirlfromD said:

Their voices can also annoy me, and somtimes i feel like i don't love them or feel love anymore even though i know deep down that i do, that's strange.

I'm having the exact same. It terrifies me. And right now it's not even loud noises. If they SPEAK or the sound of a voice/noise makes me agitated and weird. Even if what they are saying is funny or sweet, I can't stand it. UGH!

5 minutes ago, GirlfromD said:

You will be off one day, just take it one day at a time, how long have you been tapering for? I'm over 2 years off.

I have been tapering for 2.5 years now. I'm down to 5mg of lexapro from 20mg. I was also on Adderall, and I was on Welbutrin at one point too. This whole saga has been going on for much longer for me though. I have been trying to get off of psych drugs since college, and every time I experienced WD and new "diagnosis". Even this time with the slow taper. This is why I'm at the place I am now. 

[GirlfromD]

I feel for you Peachy, this whole ordeal can be so upsetting, with weird symtoms come and go and so on. I don't think this "feeling no love" and anger and hate will last though, don't be scared i think we will heal from that one day too, even though it feels scary and like it takes forever.

 

Another thing is i have noticed that sometimes those who have been tapering for a long time,  and may feel stuck etc. that once they're finally off their meds, they seem to heal faster than those tapering too fast and maybe you're one of those who will heal faster because of that. Sometimes i wish I had tapered more slowly (i did a fast taper) but on the other hand i have also made a lot of progress so i don't regret it.

 

54 minutes ago, Peachy said:

And right now it's not even loud noises. If they SPEAK or the sound of a voice/noise makes me agitated and weird. Even if what they are saying is funny or sweet, I can't stand it. UGH!

I experienced this in the beginning of wd, now i just feel like they talk too much and too loud and i'm having a hard time following and concentrating on a conversation and the chit chat stuff.

[Peachy]

21 minutes ago, GirlfromD said:

that once they're finally off their meds, they seem to heal faster than those tapering too fast and maybe you will too. Sometimes i wish I had tapered more slowly off (i did a fast taper) but on the other hand i have also made a lot of progress

Thanks for saying that. I REALLY hope thats the case, as I'm terrified it will just be worse once I'm off... I went cold turkey many many times in the past, having WD and not knowing what was wrong with me, then going back on the meds at higher doses. Thats how I ended up here, years later. I feel utterly trapped. Besides physical symptoms, it honestly might not make much of a difference for some, tbh. Some people taper for 2 years, and then they get WD after. It just depends. I hope this is the worst of it for me and I'm healing as I go. 

Fingers crossed for both of us!

[GirlfromD]

25 minutes ago, Peachy said:

Thanks for saying that. I REALLY hope thats the case, as I'm terrified it will just be worse once I'm off... I went cold turkey many many times in the past, having WD and not knowing what was wrong with me, then going back on the meds at higher doses. Thats how I ended up here, years later. I feel utterly trapped. Besides physical symptoms, it honestly might not make much of a difference for some, tbh. Some people taper for 2 years, and then they get WD after. It just depends. I hope this is the worst of it for me and I'm healing as I go. 

Fingers crossed for both of us!

The same for me actually, i tried to quit many times cold turkey, it never worked either, and my doctor kept telling me i had a relapse and i believed it many times, untill one day i got very suspicious of the meds, and startet "investigating" and searching online and then found this site thank god. Now we atleast know what's going on with us, i didn't before. Hopefully you are over the worst, and there is a big chance you are. Are you able to work or exercise? Fingers crossed here too! 😊  

[Peachy]

@GirlfromD

I'm def not over the worst. I have daily intrusive thoughts and dark thoughts, as well as horrible issues with depression around my menstrual cycle. And now this new set of symptoms. I could work out in the beginning and now I am unable, as I start get to really dizzy and nauseated and sick when I try to... 

Unfortunately I think this is to many of our stories  it is so so sad. 

Do you have nasty intrusive thoughts and images and dark thinking?

XX

[Needtoheal30]

Ey there peachy hope everything is alright what kind on intrusive thoughts do you get I been getting sexual and violent thoughts ??

[bhasski]

4 hours ago, GirlfromD said:

My family is also very sweet, and i'm so tough on them and they do not deserve that, but i just can't help it. Their voices can also annoy me, and somtimes i feel like i don't love them or feel love anymore even though i know deep down that i do, that's strange.

 

Perfectly describe my state.

Wishing you have great healing.

 

[Peachy]

1 hour ago, Needtoheal30 said:

Ey there peachy hope everything is alright what kind on intrusive thoughts do you get I been getting sexual and violent thoughts ??

Hey! yes, I get both of those. Mostly violent. I have what feel like urges too. it sucks. 

[Peachy]

15 minutes ago, bhasski said:

 

Perfectly describe my state.

Wishing you have great healing.

 

Hey! are you having this too? where voices and noises, and loved ones annoy or irritate?

Its comforting to know others have it too...

[bhasski]

2 minutes ago, Peachy said:

Hey! are you having this too? where voices and noises, and loved ones annoy or irritate?

 

Yes, I have this. 

I get annoyed with the people I talk most earlier . I feel their voices irritating. 

 

That's why  I stopped talking to them since this ordeal. Earlier it was all physical, mental wdl issues that made me unable to move ahead. 

 

Now for a long time, its this irritating - loss of love and connection. 

 

I hope this ends soon for all of us.

[Needtoheal30]

5 hours ago, Peachy said:

Hey! yes, I get both of those. Mostly violent. I have what feel like urges too. it sucks. 

Ye I get these a lot sexual thoughts to everything and violent thoughts comes with urges . Been way better recently. 

[GirlfromD]

15 hours ago, Peachy said:

@GirlfromD

I'm def not over the worst. I have daily intrusive thoughts and dark thoughts, as well as horrible issues with depression around my menstrual cycle. And now this new set of symptoms. I could work out in the beginning and now I am unable, as I start get to really dizzy and nauseated and sick when I try to... 

Unfortunately I think this is to many of our stories  it is so so sad. 

Do you have nasty intrusive thoughts and images and dark thinking?

XX

Yes i think your'e right, what we experience are more common than we think i believe. It's sad that we have to suffer with all these symtoms. I felt really bad around my menstrual cycle too, also like very awful, but then i got a hormone spiral, and it actually  helped me a lot, and i don't feel bad anymore. 

 

I do have intrusive thoughts, and dark thoughts sometimes, those were really bad in the beginning, very intense but have during this year subsided a lot, they were sexual and violent and also thoughts of self harming, but those are almost gone now, now it's more what i would call very weird intrusive thoughts which is left.

 

I just recently startet doing some light exercises, and some stretching exercises, but it has taking me a long time being able to do that, but i'm grateful i'm capable of it now, even though it's not that much. Time do heal, that's for sure.

Best wishes 😊

[GirlfromD]

13 hours ago, bhasski said:

 

Perfectly describe my state.

Wishing you have great healing.

 

Hello Bhasski. How are you doing, hope your'e doing alright? It's crazy how similar our experiences are and symtoms, but in a way also nice to know that we are not alone in this, that people are feeling the same things we are. 

 

13 hours ago, bhasski said:

That's why  I stopped talking to them since this ordeal. Earlier it was all physical, mental wdl issues that made me unable to move ahead. 

 

Now for a long time, its this irritating - loss of love and connection. 

 

I hope this ends soon for all of us.

Do you still talk with your family? Yes, the feeling of losing love and connection isn't easy at all. I hope we all heal from this too.

Best wishes😊

[Itzakadoozee]

5 minutes ago, GirlfromD said:

Hello Bhasski. How are you doing, hope your'e doing alright? It's crazy how similar our experiences are and symtoms, but in a way also nice to know that we are not alone in this, that people are feeling the same things we are. 

 

Do you still talk with your family? Yes, the feeling of losing love and connection isn't easy at all. I hope we all heal from this too.

Best wishes😊

I’m with you guys. Hopeing we all feel better soon. I to lost a lot of connections with everyone also. This is a lonely road we walk. Hard to socialize when you feel like crap.

[GirlfromD]

1 hour ago, Itzakadoozee said:

I’m with you guys. Hopeing we all feel better soon. I to lost a lot of connections with everyone also. This is a lonely road we walk. Hard to socialize when you feel like crap.

Hello Itzakadoozee 😊 I really hope we do too. I agree with you very much, it can be such an isolating and lonely road, and when i do socialize, i feel like i'm not really present or in the moment either, although it's gotten way better than in the beginning. Hopefully one day we're able to reconnect with friends and family once again.

Best wishes

[Peachy]

1 hour ago, GirlfromD said:

now it's more what i would call very weird intrusive thoughts which is left.

Do you mind me asking what kind of thoughts? Is it like irrational thinking? I have this really weird symptom happening. Or like weird thoughts about people, or like my own voice saying something nasty or mean or that I don't actually feel... 

[GirlfromD]

1 hour ago, Peachy said:

Do you mind me asking what kind of thoughts? Is it like irrational thinking? I have this really weird symptom happening. Or like weird thoughts about people, or like my own voice saying something nasty or mean or that I don't actually feel... 

It's like thoughts running in the circles, repetitive thoughts even music sometimes looping, other times it's something very weird that i will obsess about, it could be an idea, or an argument that happened, also like you mentioned something mean or nasty that i would never normally think. I also have some chit chat going on inside my head, that i don't control, do you have this? I don't know if this is called racing thoughts though. I also had scary or frightening images pop up. The scary thoughts are almost gone now, now it's more the weird stuff left.

[Needtoheal30]

7 hours ago, Peachy said:

Do you mind me asking what kind of thoughts? Is it like irrational thinking? I have this really weird symptom happening. Or like weird thoughts about people, or like my own voice saying something nasty or mean or that I don't actually feel... 

In the beginning I got really bad sexual and violent thought sexual thoughts to everyone thing I see weird stuff that Would never have poped in my head before . Violent thoughts to loved ones that I love dearly never had these before in my life . I’m 15 months out and I’m wAyy Better they are almost gone . But still sometime bothers me when they come . But nothing like before. I know people don’t like talking about this subject cause it awful  but we we’ll all heAl 1 day 👍

[GirlfromD]

Forget what i said about my family didn't deserve my anger, they deserve any inch of it! Now that i'm not capable of being my true self because of all this withdrawal thing, they don't seem to like me anymore, or my sister for that matter who's also struggeling and has issues, they criticize us all the time. I ******* hate them!! It feels like they're pushing me out in the cold. It is heartbreaking that i don't seem to mean more to them! I don't understand how they can act that way, being so mean and coldheartet. These people raised me and my sister like their own (we were raised in fostercare by these people i call family) I have loved them all my life, and now i don't even wanna spend christmas with them because i feel like they hate me, and want me to disappear. I don't know what to do, except ignoring them, but i feel so alone. I have tried to fix this situation for a long time now, but they still seem to hate me, so now i hate them. It feel's like my heart has been ripped out at times, and im just wondering, where is the love? I thought i was doing so good, but now i feel like im at risk of losing everything i have ever loved so dearly.  

 

Still im trying to rebuild my life and i can't let this get me down, i have to keep fighting and carry on, be strong but this is hard. It feels like every past hurt has been coming to the surface...

 

I feel like i let a lot of people walk right over me on the medicine, and there was so much bad behavior i accepted or did not notice, or just allowed, now i notice it and wont tolerate these things anymore. But maybe wd makes dealing with these things ten times harder. 

 

Sorry for this outburst, i just have a hard time dealing with this and needed to get it out.

[Songbird]

It can be helpful to vent in a safe place.  I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.  Without knowing your situation, I think it's possible your family just doesn't understand what's going on with you and withdrawal - this is very common, most people don't understand it unless they've been through it themselves.  Family relationships bring up very intense emotions.  My parents criticised me throughout my childhood, and even though I know they actually loved me, as a child it didn't feel like it a lot of the time, as they didn't seem to be very good at showing it.  Some people have trouble expressing positive emotions, probably because they too were raised by critical people.  Sometimes ignoring, or removing yourself from the situation can be a safe way of handling things when emotions run high, even though it can feel a bit cowardly like you're running away.  Although it doesn't resolve the issues, it can be better than exploding and inflaming the situation. 

 

I think what you said is very true about withdrawal bringing past hurts up to the surface again.  It's also true that the drugs can allow us to tolerate things by blunting our emotions.  I stayed in an unhealthy work situation for years while on ADs.  I believe these drugs suppress the difficult parts of ourselves, like sweeping the dirt under the rug.  When we come off the drugs, there's a kind of emotional rebound, we can be oversensitive and overreact.  Stuff that's been suppressed for years can burst back out in a flood.  You mentioned getting a punching bag, which may sound funny, but actually being able to physically vent anger (safely) can be helpful at times.  Some people like to punch pillows, or even rip up old newspapers.

 

Is there some way you can get yourself some counselling locally?  It might help to talk to a trained professional.  It would also be good to learn some skills around how to be assertive without being aggressive - this is something I have trouble with too.  It's important to not let people walk all over us - that's a sure way to build up resentment - but it can be hard to know how to express your boundaries in a calm and reasonable manner when people are busy pushing all our buttons.

 

Here are some topics you might find helpful:

 

Neuro-emotions

Managing anger

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

[GirlfromD]

Thank you very much Songbird. I'm sorry you've went through something like this too. It makes so much sense when you said that: "Some people have trouble expressing positive emotions, probably because they too were raised by critical people." My mother has often said she did not feel loved by her parents etc. I also think i will try being by myself for a little while during the next period of time, that sounded like a good suggestion and maybe it can help me being more peaceful, and i so wish that these bad feelings will disappear with time because it's definitely causing some more stress, and ads to it all. 

 

I am definitely oversensitive and overreact a lot and what you explained about this made so much sense too. It feels like suppressed emotions, because i remember feeling this way, way back even before the meds, just not this intense, but on them i almost had no boundaries, thanks for bringing this into light. 

 

1 hour ago, Songbird said:

You mentioned getting a punching bag, which may sound funny, but actually being able to physically vent anger (safely) can be helpful at times.  Some people like to punch pillows, or even rip up old newspapers.

I got one recently, maybe i should use it some more, and see if that helps a little too.

 

 

1 hour ago, Songbird said:

Is there some way you can get yourself some counselling locally?  It might help to talk to a trained professional.  It would also be good to learn some skills around how to be assertive without being aggressive

Once a week i just recently startet talking to someone, and this has helped me i think, maybe i should bring this topic up some more in relation to that.

 

All the best.

[GirlfromD]

I got hit by a vey bad wave that startet yesterday, with anxiety, increased symtoms, heart palpitations,  racing thoughts that were almost gone but now much more intense again, dizzy and feeling so bad. I thought i was doing so good, and now im so scared Is it really possible to hit a very bad wave after almost 3 years off? This is just so bad, and i dont understand it. Im just so sad about this. I dont wanna lose hope.