Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

GirlfromD: insomnia


GirlfromD

Recommended Posts

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-f2s75-a710e0

Hi GFD ,I wanted to share this with you because it should help you get a different perspective on the issue your dealing with other that the blatant "diagnosing" from this doctor  .

Warning there is talk of meds at the end of it so just be aware [not prescribing just talking about them].

Now im not advertising this man [hes irish] but he's story also will fill you with hope [he used to be a GP] ,he developed a  consciousness and retrained .

Im in touch with him a good while and am arranging to see him in the next few months myself [not that I can afford it ].

His manner is really soothing and it should soothe you after your interaction with this other person .

Take care.

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Replies 164
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • GirlfromD

    86

  • Carmie

    9

  • Peachy

    8

  • powerback

    8

Top Posters In This Topic

On 2/15/2019 at 5:53 PM, Mobc1990 said:

leave her and find another doc if you feel your gonna give in and agree with her to do things that might not benefit in the long term

 

You're probably right, it's probably better moving on than risking the consequences of doing what she suggests, ultimately ending up worse than before.

2010 - 2015: 50mg Sertraline, 30mg Mirtazapine.

2015 - 2016: Last dose Mirtazapine 28.11.2015 and Sertraline 04.01.2016. (6 months taper)

2016/June: 6 months off. Feeling better but a lot of symptoms, name one and i have it.

2016/Dec: 12 months off. Hit a very bad wave, can't function at this moment, isolate and many intense symptoms. Very intense heart palpitations and very intense anxiety.

2017/June: 18 months off. Things are better, experiencing a lot of flashbacks, walking everyday.

2017/Nov: Things have finally started to improve and i'm now much better than a year ago, starting to feel a lot of improvements, but still symptoms that come in waves and windows.  

2018/June: Feeling better. Starting to do some normal things again, but still some improvements needed. All symptoms still there, just less intense.

2018/Oct: Almost 3 years off. Symptoms are milder and more manageable, but lots of anger issues at the moment. Still some depersonalization etc. Heart palpitations almost gone. There's hope.

2021/april: 5 years and 3 months off. Symptoms less intense, but still struggling, still not able to socialize much, very tired, i just want to feel normal again. In a tough and awful wave.

 

Link to comment
On 2/15/2019 at 6:53 PM, powerback said:

HI GFD can you elaborate .

 

In my opinion ide get the hell away from her ,this is disgusting how she speaks.shes been hood winked by the DSM in my opinion,medical doctors only know medicine ,the world is waking up to these people .

Your banging your head at a brick wall telling her about withdrawl ,they don't listen or care ,she mite well have the personality disorder herself ,a bloody sociopath if you ask me . 

I heard a saying the other day ,"the worth and test of a DR should be how to get a patient off meds"not onto them .

I personally would run a mile from this person . 

Take care

Also I was listening to claire weekes the other day ,she said when we are In a hightened state of anxiety or stress we are very suggestable.so be very careful how your mood is around someone like her.

 

Of course PB, or I can at least try 😉 A social doctor (here in my country) is someone who is working for an institution. Instead of taking patients like normal doctors do, they are given specific tasks by the government and collaborate in stabilizing and evaluate their patients, working on getting them back into society etc. Don't know if that made sense. 

 

Yes, I thought the same thing, she does care i think, but she doesn't understand, and she probably never will. I relate to the Claire weekes quote very much and I feel like I have been very suggestible throughout my entire wd, mainly because i have felt so weak and desperate at times, and just wanted to "feel better" seeking other people's advice in reaching that goal. 

 

Maybe you're right maybe i should get away from her before i end up worse than before, at least that's what my instinct tells me at the moment. I doubt my counselling with her are beneficial in the long run when she has those opinions.

2010 - 2015: 50mg Sertraline, 30mg Mirtazapine.

2015 - 2016: Last dose Mirtazapine 28.11.2015 and Sertraline 04.01.2016. (6 months taper)

2016/June: 6 months off. Feeling better but a lot of symptoms, name one and i have it.

2016/Dec: 12 months off. Hit a very bad wave, can't function at this moment, isolate and many intense symptoms. Very intense heart palpitations and very intense anxiety.

2017/June: 18 months off. Things are better, experiencing a lot of flashbacks, walking everyday.

2017/Nov: Things have finally started to improve and i'm now much better than a year ago, starting to feel a lot of improvements, but still symptoms that come in waves and windows.  

2018/June: Feeling better. Starting to do some normal things again, but still some improvements needed. All symptoms still there, just less intense.

2018/Oct: Almost 3 years off. Symptoms are milder and more manageable, but lots of anger issues at the moment. Still some depersonalization etc. Heart palpitations almost gone. There's hope.

2021/april: 5 years and 3 months off. Symptoms less intense, but still struggling, still not able to socialize much, very tired, i just want to feel normal again. In a tough and awful wave.

 

Link to comment

2010 - 2015: 50mg Sertraline, 30mg Mirtazapine.

2015 - 2016: Last dose Mirtazapine 28.11.2015 and Sertraline 04.01.2016. (6 months taper)

2016/June: 6 months off. Feeling better but a lot of symptoms, name one and i have it.

2016/Dec: 12 months off. Hit a very bad wave, can't function at this moment, isolate and many intense symptoms. Very intense heart palpitations and very intense anxiety.

2017/June: 18 months off. Things are better, experiencing a lot of flashbacks, walking everyday.

2017/Nov: Things have finally started to improve and i'm now much better than a year ago, starting to feel a lot of improvements, but still symptoms that come in waves and windows.  

2018/June: Feeling better. Starting to do some normal things again, but still some improvements needed. All symptoms still there, just less intense.

2018/Oct: Almost 3 years off. Symptoms are milder and more manageable, but lots of anger issues at the moment. Still some depersonalization etc. Heart palpitations almost gone. There's hope.

2021/april: 5 years and 3 months off. Symptoms less intense, but still struggling, still not able to socialize much, very tired, i just want to feel normal again. In a tough and awful wave.

 

Link to comment
On 2/15/2019 at 7:24 PM, Rachellynn said:

Well said PB❤️❤️❤️

 

Sometimes i i look around and all i see is TWILIGHT ZONE - did you like that movie?! It’s a favorite of mine. Much better than what’s happening in the drug world. 

 

I haven't seen this movie, just googled it, it says it's a horror movie, is it scary? I'm not so good yet at dealing with the scary movies, although I have moved on a bit from the cartoons 😄

2010 - 2015: 50mg Sertraline, 30mg Mirtazapine.

2015 - 2016: Last dose Mirtazapine 28.11.2015 and Sertraline 04.01.2016. (6 months taper)

2016/June: 6 months off. Feeling better but a lot of symptoms, name one and i have it.

2016/Dec: 12 months off. Hit a very bad wave, can't function at this moment, isolate and many intense symptoms. Very intense heart palpitations and very intense anxiety.

2017/June: 18 months off. Things are better, experiencing a lot of flashbacks, walking everyday.

2017/Nov: Things have finally started to improve and i'm now much better than a year ago, starting to feel a lot of improvements, but still symptoms that come in waves and windows.  

2018/June: Feeling better. Starting to do some normal things again, but still some improvements needed. All symptoms still there, just less intense.

2018/Oct: Almost 3 years off. Symptoms are milder and more manageable, but lots of anger issues at the moment. Still some depersonalization etc. Heart palpitations almost gone. There's hope.

2021/april: 5 years and 3 months off. Symptoms less intense, but still struggling, still not able to socialize much, very tired, i just want to feel normal again. In a tough and awful wave.

 

Link to comment

Yes. I don’t recommend it in withdrawal at all! Lol

 

Rachel - 1998-2012 Prozac 20mg

2012-2014 Prozac 40mg

Sept 17 Remeron 15mg, March ‘18 7.5mg

Jan 31 - Feb 13 1/4 - 1mg Ativan

Jan 31 - feb 5 - 2mg Prozac, 4mg feb 7

feb 10 - 10mg rem, Feb 27 - 7.5mg rem

Feb 27 - March 6th - 5mg Baclofen 

March 12th - Keppra 250mg

March 24 - 30mg phenobarbital 

 

 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, GirlfromD said:

Of course PB, or I can at least try 😉 A social doctor (here in my country) is someone who is working for an institution. Instead of taking patients like normal doctors do, they are given specific tasks by the government and collaborate in stabilizing and evaluate their patients, working on getting them back into society etc. Don't know if that made sense. 

 

Yes, I thought the same thing, she does care i think, but she doesn't understand, and she probably never will. I relate to the Claire weekes quote very much and I feel like I have been very suggestible throughout my entire wd, mainly because i have felt so weak and desperate at times, and just wanted to "feel better" seeking other people's advice in reaching that goal. 

 

Maybe you're right maybe i should get away from her before i end up worse than before, at least that's what my instinct tells me at the moment. I doubt my counselling with her are beneficial in the long run when she has those opinions.

Ah ye I understand ,its so tricky when we reach out for support and its going against our instincts ,its hard .

The fact she is part of your support system is different .

I first thought it was a DR in a social setting just giving her opinion .

Take care.

Alcohol free since February 2015 

1MG diazepam

4.5MG PROZAC.

 

 

 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, powerback said:

Ah ye I understand ,its so tricky when we reach out for support and its going against our instincts ,its hard .

The fact she is part of your support system is different .

I first thought it was a DR in a social setting just giving her opinion .

Take care.

Yes it really is tricky, I still very much agree with your first post also, and really feel like I need to perhaps, at some point, get away from her, because I don't feel like she is helping, by constantly upsetting me and pushing me. 

Take care too:) Thanks a lot.

2010 - 2015: 50mg Sertraline, 30mg Mirtazapine.

2015 - 2016: Last dose Mirtazapine 28.11.2015 and Sertraline 04.01.2016. (6 months taper)

2016/June: 6 months off. Feeling better but a lot of symptoms, name one and i have it.

2016/Dec: 12 months off. Hit a very bad wave, can't function at this moment, isolate and many intense symptoms. Very intense heart palpitations and very intense anxiety.

2017/June: 18 months off. Things are better, experiencing a lot of flashbacks, walking everyday.

2017/Nov: Things have finally started to improve and i'm now much better than a year ago, starting to feel a lot of improvements, but still symptoms that come in waves and windows.  

2018/June: Feeling better. Starting to do some normal things again, but still some improvements needed. All symptoms still there, just less intense.

2018/Oct: Almost 3 years off. Symptoms are milder and more manageable, but lots of anger issues at the moment. Still some depersonalization etc. Heart palpitations almost gone. There's hope.

2021/april: 5 years and 3 months off. Symptoms less intense, but still struggling, still not able to socialize much, very tired, i just want to feel normal again. In a tough and awful wave.

 

Link to comment
4 hours ago, GirlfromD said:

 

You're probably right, it's probably better moving on than risking the consequences of doing what she suggests, ultimately ending up worse than before.

I visited two psychologist in my country,even though I paid money for the therapy.They keep suggesting that I go on antidepressant or even antipsychotic.In the end,I don’t see any psychologist or therapist anymore.I hope I can get well without the mental health system,since I don’t believe in current psychiatric treatment base on my personal experience,it might help others,but not for me

 

Jan 2009-Mar 2016---Abilify(20,15,10,5mg),Risperidal(3mg,2mg,1mg),Mirtazapine(30mg,15mg)

 

2 years before:

Mar 2016-Feb 2017---Abilify(5mg,2.5mg)

 

July 2017-Oct 2017---Olanzapine 15mg

Oct 2017-Nov 2017---Olanzapine 10mg

Nov 2017-Feb 2018---Olanzapine 5mg

Feb 2018-NOW---Olanzapine 2.5mg

 

Link to comment
54 minutes ago, Mobc1990 said:

I visited two psychologist in my country,even though I paid money for the therapy.They keep suggesting that I go on antidepressant or even antipsychotic.In the end,I don’t see any psychologist or therapist anymore.I hope I can get well without the mental health system,since I don’t believe in current psychiatric treatment base on my personal experience,it might help others,but not for me

 

My true and very honest opinion, is that at the moment I feel like I couldn't benefit from therapy/psychologist either, because I fear that they got the same narrow-minded attitude as the doctors and psychiatrists, or at least that's what my gut is telling me, at the same time I feel like I could really use some kind of an understanding person to talk to, since my whole world has been held upside down by wd issues etc. and no one in the outside world seems to understand or acknowledge this. 

 

My environment constantly want's me to take "action" to feel better, telling me I need to talk to "someone" and earlier in my life at one time, I also benefited from talking to a therapist, but then again I feel like this is very different, since not many people from the outside world seems to "get" withdrawal etc. and then why should a therapist, I ask myself? And I fear they will suggest psychiatric treatment or something like that, like yours did. This leaves me very confused sometimes. 

 

Maybe I should just read some self-help books instead while going through withdrawal, and then wait with the therapy stuff till later or when i'm done withdrawing.

2010 - 2015: 50mg Sertraline, 30mg Mirtazapine.

2015 - 2016: Last dose Mirtazapine 28.11.2015 and Sertraline 04.01.2016. (6 months taper)

2016/June: 6 months off. Feeling better but a lot of symptoms, name one and i have it.

2016/Dec: 12 months off. Hit a very bad wave, can't function at this moment, isolate and many intense symptoms. Very intense heart palpitations and very intense anxiety.

2017/June: 18 months off. Things are better, experiencing a lot of flashbacks, walking everyday.

2017/Nov: Things have finally started to improve and i'm now much better than a year ago, starting to feel a lot of improvements, but still symptoms that come in waves and windows.  

2018/June: Feeling better. Starting to do some normal things again, but still some improvements needed. All symptoms still there, just less intense.

2018/Oct: Almost 3 years off. Symptoms are milder and more manageable, but lots of anger issues at the moment. Still some depersonalization etc. Heart palpitations almost gone. There's hope.

2021/april: 5 years and 3 months off. Symptoms less intense, but still struggling, still not able to socialize much, very tired, i just want to feel normal again. In a tough and awful wave.

 

Link to comment
17 minutes ago, GirlfromD said:

My true and very honest opinion, is that at the moment I feel like I couldn't benefit from therapy/psychologist either, because I fear that they got the same narrow-minded attitude as the doctors and psychiatrists, or at least that's what my gut is telling me, at the same time I feel like I could really use some kind of an understanding person to talk to, since my whole world has been held upside down by wd issues etc. and no one in the outside world seems to understand or acknowledge this. 

 

My environment constantly want's me to take "action" to feel better, telling me I need to talk to "someone" and earlier in my life at one time, I also benefited from talking to a therapist, but then again I feel like this is very different, since not many people from the outside world seems to "get" withdrawal etc. and then why should a therapist, I ask myself? And I fear they will suggest psychiatric treatment or something like that, like yours did. This leaves me very confused sometimes. 

 

Maybe I should just read some self-help books instead while going through withdrawal, and then wait with the therapy stuff till later or when i'm done withdrawing.

Do whatever you can do to help yourself.Supplemdnts are easy if you have got some money.They can help.I take lots of fish oil in the morning and melatonin at night for sleep,they both help

Jan 2009-Mar 2016---Abilify(20,15,10,5mg),Risperidal(3mg,2mg,1mg),Mirtazapine(30mg,15mg)

 

2 years before:

Mar 2016-Feb 2017---Abilify(5mg,2.5mg)

 

July 2017-Oct 2017---Olanzapine 15mg

Oct 2017-Nov 2017---Olanzapine 10mg

Nov 2017-Feb 2018---Olanzapine 5mg

Feb 2018-NOW---Olanzapine 2.5mg

 

Link to comment
17 minutes ago, Mobc1990 said:

Do whatever you can do to help yourself.Supplemdnts are easy if you have got some money.They can help.I take lots of fish oil in the morning and melatonin at night for sleep,they both help

Yes, maybe i should look a little more into supplements, at the moment I only take some low vitamin D. Thanks☺️

2010 - 2015: 50mg Sertraline, 30mg Mirtazapine.

2015 - 2016: Last dose Mirtazapine 28.11.2015 and Sertraline 04.01.2016. (6 months taper)

2016/June: 6 months off. Feeling better but a lot of symptoms, name one and i have it.

2016/Dec: 12 months off. Hit a very bad wave, can't function at this moment, isolate and many intense symptoms. Very intense heart palpitations and very intense anxiety.

2017/June: 18 months off. Things are better, experiencing a lot of flashbacks, walking everyday.

2017/Nov: Things have finally started to improve and i'm now much better than a year ago, starting to feel a lot of improvements, but still symptoms that come in waves and windows.  

2018/June: Feeling better. Starting to do some normal things again, but still some improvements needed. All symptoms still there, just less intense.

2018/Oct: Almost 3 years off. Symptoms are milder and more manageable, but lots of anger issues at the moment. Still some depersonalization etc. Heart palpitations almost gone. There's hope.

2021/april: 5 years and 3 months off. Symptoms less intense, but still struggling, still not able to socialize much, very tired, i just want to feel normal again. In a tough and awful wave.

 

Link to comment
On 2/16/2019 at 9:48 AM, powerback said:

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-f2s75-a710e0

Hi GFD ,I wanted to share this with you because it should help you get a different perspective on the issue your dealing with other that the blatant "diagnosing" from this doctor  .

Warning there is talk of meds at the end of it so just be aware [not prescribing just talking about them].

Now im not advertising this man [hes irish] but he's story also will fill you with hope [he used to be a GP] ,he developed a  consciousness and retrained .

Im in touch with him a good while and am arranging to see him in the next few months myself [not that I can afford it ].

His manner is really soothing and it should soothe you after your interaction with this other person .

Take care.

How could I miss this post!? I just listened to this and it was very encouraging and enlightening, you are very lucky to be able to meet up with this man. Thanks Pb :)

2010 - 2015: 50mg Sertraline, 30mg Mirtazapine.

2015 - 2016: Last dose Mirtazapine 28.11.2015 and Sertraline 04.01.2016. (6 months taper)

2016/June: 6 months off. Feeling better but a lot of symptoms, name one and i have it.

2016/Dec: 12 months off. Hit a very bad wave, can't function at this moment, isolate and many intense symptoms. Very intense heart palpitations and very intense anxiety.

2017/June: 18 months off. Things are better, experiencing a lot of flashbacks, walking everyday.

2017/Nov: Things have finally started to improve and i'm now much better than a year ago, starting to feel a lot of improvements, but still symptoms that come in waves and windows.  

2018/June: Feeling better. Starting to do some normal things again, but still some improvements needed. All symptoms still there, just less intense.

2018/Oct: Almost 3 years off. Symptoms are milder and more manageable, but lots of anger issues at the moment. Still some depersonalization etc. Heart palpitations almost gone. There's hope.

2021/april: 5 years and 3 months off. Symptoms less intense, but still struggling, still not able to socialize much, very tired, i just want to feel normal again. In a tough and awful wave.

 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi GirlfromD, 

 

How are you doing?💚

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...
On 11/8/2018 at 6:02 PM, Needtoheal30 said:

In the beginning I got really bad sexual and violent thought sexual thoughts to everyone thing I see weird stuff that Would never have poped in my head before . Violent thoughts to loved ones that I love dearly never had these before in my life . I’m 15 months out and I’m wAyy Better they are almost gone . But still sometime bothers me when they come . But nothing like before. I know people don’t like talking about this subject cause it awful  but we we’ll all heAl 1 day 👍

I’m sorry I never saw this! I have exactly the same. But I have had it for 3 yrs now while tapering. This is confusing for me, as I never had them before, but this is my first symptom every time I try to come off these drugs. It’s the reason I started going on higher doses after crashing everytime I tried to get off. Back then I didn’t know that it could be from WD. So, maybe I have organic ocd, maybe I don’t! All I know is it’s pretty horrible and real right now. Do you get the urges as well? 

How are you now? I’m on cell, so I can’t see your signature. What were you on and how long? Taper? 

Xx

med history: 17 years total

Concerta: 2 yrs - cold turkey, brought on first "depression" 

Short trials of Zoloft and Effexor: 1-3 years - multiple cold turkey's brought on OCD intrusive thoughts for the first time

Lexapro 15-20 mg (16 yrs)  - tried to quit once, cold turkey, worst WD ever, had to go on to 20mg to stop WD

Welbutrin 150mg (8-ish yrs) NO w/d symptoms from CT

Adderall 5-7.5mg (8-10-ish yrs) quit CT, brought on many WD symptoms, but manageable. 

 

Begin taper March 2018 Currently on 4.4 mg lexapro - down from 20mg

 

Symptoms depression, horrible intrusive thoughts and urges, new onset PMS/PMDD, constant extreme irritation and anger, visual hallucinations, irrational thinking patterns, panic, nausea, dizzy, intolerance to working out, chemical sensitivities, noise sensitivities, memory issues, heart palps, etc. 

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...

Hi everyone, time for an update. 

 

Well it's been quite some time since i last updated. And even though some symptoms have improved, i still have a lot of symptoms and waves. I'm very close to the 5 year mark, and feel like it is quite depressing that i still battle with so many debilitating symptoms (Almost all the symptoms from the start just a much lesser degree with some of them). 
The symptoms i still struggle with the most are, derealization, dizziness, strange thoughts, body tensions, shortness of breath, fatigue and obsessive thoughts (Thoughts keeps coming back during the day, songs, memories, conversations and especially conflicts seems to go in circles) But my most debilitating symptoms are anger, rage and irritation. 
This is my worst symptom! I get angry very easily, at everybody and even the whole world too sometimes. I can hardly have anything to do with my family because of it, and most of the people in my family i almost "feel like" i despise. Some with reason and some out of the blue (some of them have not been supportive during my withdrawal, and some of them were a pain in the *** before withdrawal too so i do get that), but some of them i love so much, and dont want to hurt and be angry at all the time. 

 

I remember i read a quote before i decided to come off the drugs and it said: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not just surrounded by assholes". This quote basically made me think hard and realize that maybe i wasn't the problem back then (I have been criticized strongly through all of my life by some family members) so i feel like some of the anger is "real" but just magnified by a thousand percent in my withdrawal and very hard to control. 

But anyway i just don't like this very angry person i have become, unable to control my temper, directing it at the people i love and the world. I used to be able to control my temper before withdrawal (Although i always had a temper, i just didnt have it at this degree at all!) The anger feel's like the anxiety i had in the first couple of years, sudden and unable to control. As a result of this, plus my mood swings during withdrawal, i haven't been able to socialize, work or have any friends in my life. I used to be a very social person before withdrawal, now i only speak with 2 family members and basically no one else. So i live in isolation most of the time. I should mention though that i am able to laugh frequently, feel a sense of being happy sometimes, and able to kill time without feeling completely hopeless, also the heart palpitations i had throughout withdrawal are basically gone now. So some improvements, so things are not all bad. Is it normal to only speak to a very few family members all the way through withdrawal, and not any friends etc.? for almost 5 years? I worry so much that i'm some kind of a "bad case", since i read some of the users in here are able to have and maintain relationships with husbands, friends etc. through their withdrawal and i have not been well enough to maintain any relationships throughout my withdrawal at all, other than family get togethers now and then. I am still not able to work either. 
Is there anyone else in here who's experienced this situation of not being able to maintain relationships with friends etc. through withdrawal? I haven't talked to anyone almost, except some family all the way through my 5 years in withdrawal.

 

I miss living a sociable life with friends and other human beings, i miss  being able to control my mood and my temper, not being so angry at the whole world and my family, i miss being able to work. I'm just so lonely, waiting to "turn the corner" desperately, but the corner doesn't seem to show itself. Other than that, my other symptoms, have improved a lot though, it's just these mood swings and anger issues mostly that seems to be very stubborn and make my life very difficult.

 

@Carmie Sorry i missed your post, i have only logged on a couple of times in a long time to answer some private messages i got email notifications on, and never saw your message. I hope you are doing well and that your symptoms are much improved? 

 

I hope you all manage.

Maja.
 

2010 - 2015: 50mg Sertraline, 30mg Mirtazapine.

2015 - 2016: Last dose Mirtazapine 28.11.2015 and Sertraline 04.01.2016. (6 months taper)

2016/June: 6 months off. Feeling better but a lot of symptoms, name one and i have it.

2016/Dec: 12 months off. Hit a very bad wave, can't function at this moment, isolate and many intense symptoms. Very intense heart palpitations and very intense anxiety.

2017/June: 18 months off. Things are better, experiencing a lot of flashbacks, walking everyday.

2017/Nov: Things have finally started to improve and i'm now much better than a year ago, starting to feel a lot of improvements, but still symptoms that come in waves and windows.  

2018/June: Feeling better. Starting to do some normal things again, but still some improvements needed. All symptoms still there, just less intense.

2018/Oct: Almost 3 years off. Symptoms are milder and more manageable, but lots of anger issues at the moment. Still some depersonalization etc. Heart palpitations almost gone. There's hope.

2021/april: 5 years and 3 months off. Symptoms less intense, but still struggling, still not able to socialize much, very tired, i just want to feel normal again. In a tough and awful wave.

 

Link to comment
  • 5 months later...

I just almost can't take anymore of this, it's been 5 years and 3 months now of this withdrawal thing. I am so tired, so tired. I haven't been able to socialise much during this, only my closest family (i have no kids, and that's probably a good thing considering everything im going trough), i had to cut contact with everyone outside of my family because i was too ill to maintain any friendships. I am on the verge of wanting very much to estrange from my family and breaking ties with most of them, since some of them are very toxic i feel. Most of them ignore me, but when they do talk to me, it's to mock me and call med "sick", or that i do this, and this and this wrong! I used to be very busy, doing practical tasks all of the time through my withdrawal, but through this recently wave, i have no energi for most things, i used to be busy all the time, distracting myself with movies, a lot of house cleaning, cooking etc., go looking at stores etc. now it's like i just feel so tired, at the moment i just don't have much energy or motivation for anything, and i feel sad. I am still young, and i feel like there is so much i would like to experince and try yet, but i'm just so scared if i ever heal from this thing!

 

The waves get's less intense though through the years i think, but i just still feel so bizzare and hopeless sometimes, disconnected, i have tension in the body, breathing issues still, shake a little bit, mood swings, vision issues, ocd like symptoms, looping thoughts/songs, repetitive thoughts, and anger issues, insomnia, memory problems, feelings of hopelessness etc. etc. all though it is getting less intense, it just still feel's so weird and detrimental sometimes. I still can't function, i can't work yet.

 

I felt like i had som kind of emotional blockage for a long time now, were i felt like i couldn't really cry, and in situations were i feel like i should have felt overwhelmed and very sad, maybe even cry, i have just been feeling a blockage in my emotions, like something was holding my emotions back! I could feel hopeless and sad, but not in a normal way, the emotion i have been feeling most the last couple of years have been anger and rage, disconnected, but yesterday i was able to really cry, after a really long time! And in some way it felt liberating (I cied a lot in the beginning though, crying spells and such, but it sort of vanished a lot). I still don't feel like i have a sense of self! Is that what is called derealization or depersonalization? Is it normal to feel really strange still even after 5 years out of the pills? Other than that i just feel so lost.  

2010 - 2015: 50mg Sertraline, 30mg Mirtazapine.

2015 - 2016: Last dose Mirtazapine 28.11.2015 and Sertraline 04.01.2016. (6 months taper)

2016/June: 6 months off. Feeling better but a lot of symptoms, name one and i have it.

2016/Dec: 12 months off. Hit a very bad wave, can't function at this moment, isolate and many intense symptoms. Very intense heart palpitations and very intense anxiety.

2017/June: 18 months off. Things are better, experiencing a lot of flashbacks, walking everyday.

2017/Nov: Things have finally started to improve and i'm now much better than a year ago, starting to feel a lot of improvements, but still symptoms that come in waves and windows.  

2018/June: Feeling better. Starting to do some normal things again, but still some improvements needed. All symptoms still there, just less intense.

2018/Oct: Almost 3 years off. Symptoms are milder and more manageable, but lots of anger issues at the moment. Still some depersonalization etc. Heart palpitations almost gone. There's hope.

2021/april: 5 years and 3 months off. Symptoms less intense, but still struggling, still not able to socialize much, very tired, i just want to feel normal again. In a tough and awful wave.

 

Link to comment
  • 5 months later...

I have hit something where i am almost unable to make decisions, it has gotten to a point now where i have gotten in trouble because of it, and it has caused me to feel nervous in situations were i just can't seem to make a decision. I have also had some ocd symptoms really worsen this time too (I never had ocd prior to withdrawal) and this have gotten very bad too, my memory has aslo worsened significant while this has been building up, my concentration is so bad at this moment and i have a hard time reading, and my ability to grasp and understand things is also very affected. This have been building up through the last six months, with some physical symptoms too, tinnitus more intense, body fatique, tiredness, etc. 

 

could this be a new wave? I am 5 years and some months out of the meds, so i thought things would improve more by now, i feel very sad and have a hard time functioning.
 

2010 - 2015: 50mg Sertraline, 30mg Mirtazapine.

2015 - 2016: Last dose Mirtazapine 28.11.2015 and Sertraline 04.01.2016. (6 months taper)

2016/June: 6 months off. Feeling better but a lot of symptoms, name one and i have it.

2016/Dec: 12 months off. Hit a very bad wave, can't function at this moment, isolate and many intense symptoms. Very intense heart palpitations and very intense anxiety.

2017/June: 18 months off. Things are better, experiencing a lot of flashbacks, walking everyday.

2017/Nov: Things have finally started to improve and i'm now much better than a year ago, starting to feel a lot of improvements, but still symptoms that come in waves and windows.  

2018/June: Feeling better. Starting to do some normal things again, but still some improvements needed. All symptoms still there, just less intense.

2018/Oct: Almost 3 years off. Symptoms are milder and more manageable, but lots of anger issues at the moment. Still some depersonalization etc. Heart palpitations almost gone. There's hope.

2021/april: 5 years and 3 months off. Symptoms less intense, but still struggling, still not able to socialize much, very tired, i just want to feel normal again. In a tough and awful wave.

 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus
On 4/4/2021 at 3:25 AM, GirlfromD said:

I just almost can't take anymore of this, it's been 5 years and 3 months now of this withdrawal thing. I am so tired, so tired. I haven't been able to socialise much during this, only my closest family (i have no kids, and that's probably a good thing considering everything im going trough), i had to cut contact with everyone outside of my family because i was too ill to maintain any friendships. I am on the verge of wanting very much to estrange from my family and breaking ties with most of them, since some of them are very toxic i feel. Most of them ignore me, but when they do talk to me, it's to mock me and call med "sick", or that i do this, and this and this wrong! I used to be very busy, doing practical tasks all of the time through my withdrawal, but through this recently wave, i have no energi for most things, i used to be busy all the time, distracting myself with movies, a lot of house cleaning, cooking etc., go looking at stores etc. now it's like i just feel so tired, at the moment i just don't have much energy or motivation for anything, and i feel sad. I am still young, and i feel like there is so much i would like to experince and try yet, but i'm just so scared if i ever heal from this thing!

 

The waves get's less intense though through the years i think, but i just still feel so bizzare and hopeless sometimes, disconnected, i have tension in the body, breathing issues still, shake a little bit, mood swings, vision issues, ocd like symptoms, looping thoughts/songs, repetitive thoughts, and anger issues, insomnia, memory problems, feelings of hopelessness etc. etc. all though it is getting less intense, it just still feel's so weird and detrimental sometimes. I still can't function, i can't work yet.

 

I felt like i had som kind of emotional blockage for a long time now, were i felt like i couldn't really cry, and in situations were i feel like i should have felt overwhelmed and very sad, maybe even cry, i have just been feeling a blockage in my emotions, like something was holding my emotions back! I could feel hopeless and sad, but not in a normal way, the emotion i have been feeling most the last couple of years have been anger and rage, disconnected, but yesterday i was able to really cry, after a really long time! And in some way it felt liberating (I cied a lot in the beginning though, crying spells and such, but it sort of vanished a lot). I still don't feel like i have a sense of self! Is that what is called derealization or depersonalization? Is it normal to feel really strange still even after 5 years out of the pills? Other than that i just feel so lost.  


Hi Maja, 

 

I’m sad to hear you’re going through a wave after all these years. 
 

Like you I’ve had a long break from being on here as well. I have so many health problems and other things happening in my life, on top of withdrawals, that it got too much reading people’s sad stories on here. 
 

I’m very sorry to hear that a lot of your family are toxic. My parents aren’t alive anymore, but they were extremely toxic too. It’s sad to hear that you’re being mocked for being sick. 
 

Yes, our emotions are definitely all over the place with WDs. I can burst into tears at a drop of a hat and I feel numb a lot of the time too. A lot of the time I don’t really know what I’m feeling. As regards energy, I’ve had chronic fatigue syndrome for over two and a half decades so I don’t know what it feels like to have energy, it’s been so long. I spend lots of time in bed, have severe memory problems and brain fog from it. 
 

It’s terrible how one can be in withdrawals for such a long time after going off the meds, especially after going off them too quickly. Alto had withdrawals for a long time, but she recovered. It’s just a matter of time. 
 

I can only taper by teeny amounts because if I go any quicker the Akathisia can get really bad. It’s just awful. I don’t want to end up in hospital again. 

 

I hope you manage to find some things to distract yourself with while going through waves🧡

Been on APs, benzos, ADs and opiates, for chronic pain. Had Akathisia in the past that made me suicidal. Still on Seroquel. 2019:➡️ March10=7.25mg ✔️ April17=7.0✔️ June5=6.75✔️ July14=6.50✔️ Aug28=6.25✔️ Oct10=6.20  ✔️ Oct21=6.0✔️ Dec16=5.80 ✔️ 2020➡️ Jan 21=5.60 ✔️ April2=5.40 ✔️ May29=5.20 ✔️ Aug14= 5.0 ✔️Sep29=4.80✔️2021➡️ Jan31=4.60 mg✔️ April24=4.40mg✔️Jul17=4.30mg ✔️ Aug 28=4.20 ✔️ Oct 11=4.15✔️Nov1=4.10 ✔️ Nov21= 4.05✔️ Dec13= 4mg ✔️2022 ➡️ Jan8=3.95✔️ Jan31=3.90✔️ March2=3.85 ✔️ April4=3.80 ✔️ June16=3.75✔️ July26=3.70✔️ Sep2=3.65✔️ Oct21=3.60 ✔️ Dec8=3.55✔️2023➡️ Jan 26=3.50✔️ March 17=3.45✔️ June12=3.40✔️ July30=3.35✔️ Sep14=3.30✔️ Oct31=3.25✔️This is NOT medical advice.Consult your doctor.

Link to comment
  • 7 months later...

@GirlfromD

Hello, I'm discovering your thread. Thank you for everything you've shared.

How are you feeling these days?

Looks like it's been a while since you were on SA. 

If you feel like posting an update it would be great to hear how you're doing. 

In the meantime, know that you are not forgotten.

Thinking of you,

A.

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

Hi, @GirlfromD 

 

I would also like to hear what is going on in Your life if You would like to share, fingers crossed its only good things :)

 

Wishing You a lifelong window!

V.

Duloxetine 2016/17 - 30/60mg/30mg, c/t, light WD.

Sertraline June 2019 50mg ADR

Clorazepate June 2019 20-15-10mg for 3 weeks then sparsely until 2022, 2 times per month max and very low dose (5mg)

Clorazepate Jan2022 10mg 5 days 2,5mg 2 days then off

Venlafaxine June 2019 75mg ADR, 17,5mg, titrated to 37,5mg

Venlafaxine Jan 2022 Covid, hard ADR on 37,5mg, reduced to 20mg ADR, tried ct, crash,

Venlafaxine 22Jan22 reinstated 9,4mg, too low/ 01Feb22- 12mg/ 12Feb- 11,25mg/ 16Feb- 11mg/ 20Feb- 10,8mg/ 24Feb22-10,575mg/ 16Mar22- 10,46mg/ 26Mar22- 10,35mg/ 26Apr22- 10mg/ 01Oct- 9,9mg/ 13Nov- 9,7mg

01Jan24-7,5mg

MAR24

Due to another sudden intolerance had to fast taper venlafaxine to 1,14mg 

Seems like all of this time I was in benzo withdrawal, because when I took it now in desperation to help it made me feel worse, tried reinstatement first 1mg, then 0,05mg both made me feel worse.

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy