TobinEU: 18 months of horror

[nz11]

 Have a nice day nz11.

Thanks Tobin.

When the woman at the supermarket checkout tells me that i always reple 'i'll try my best and of course i always do! I think they hate me.

 

Hey i was just thinking that was a good idea of Fresh's to check out the benzo forum.

I find your sig a bit hard to follow, i didnt realise it but it appears you have basically taken a benzo regularly for over 15 months right. 

If so it may be rough going for you.

This on top of the other abrupt drug changes.

 

You might also want to spend some time checking out the success stories thread.

 

Wishing you strength.

[TobinEU]

Yeah I realised too,how much I was on benzos last 15months so I started my topic on benzobuddies too.

We´ll see.

I feel a little bit better at times now(just three weeks off meds).My thinking is much more clear,I can focus more.Sleep is not that good,about 4,5h.

Yesterday I woke up with no anxiety and feel some burst of energy which last almost till afternoon.

But generally anxious most of the day.

[TobinEU]

Hello everybody,update after three weeks.I was visiting here on SA but I was trying not to much . I experienced ups and downs - what you call as withdrawall(waves and windows) I was experiencing same symptoms since begining while taking antidepresants (thats why I was switching meds so often).And I´m experiencing them now in withdrawall.Strange.More bad days than good.Sometimes really bad. I wonder,is it withdrawall or is it uncured depression occuring?How will I know?Two weeks ago we went for hike with my wife and it took me few hours of  intensive hiking to feel some relief.I was more anxious and depression occured during february,so my psych gave me to try Lyrica(pregabalin)for anxiety and sleep issues.I was so desperate to say yes .I´m 11days on Lyrica and I need advice.I was experimenting with dossage from 75mg to 185mg a day.

I feel less anxious and sleep better,but I feel more and more depressed.Also I feel kind of low on testosterone(can Lyrica cause it?),not interested in sex much and don´t feel that man energy.I was trying 75mg evening couple of days,than added 75mg in the morning.Morning dose made me sleepy and tired afternoon(I tried to take half dose morning and second half afternoon,but the same tiredness).Max dose was 110mg at night and 75mg a day(one day).Now I´m back to 110mg evening and zero in morning.I did some research and I´m not sure if I should continue.I donť want to updose to max and then find out it is not helping and I must go through another withdrawal.When I don´t sleep well,than my symptoms are much much worse.I do take fish oil and magnesium ,I do exercise,I do relax.What else can I do for sleep?I know it takes time,but I don´t want to be zombie like and miss my son´s childhood and also I need to work.Thanks for reading and have a nice day everybody! Tom

[nz11]

Tobin thanks for taking the time to update.

 

Did you know that you will have to taper the lyrica.  It's always good to check in with sa first before you start taking more stuff from the doctor.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2381-tips-for-tapering-off-lyrica-pregabalin/

 

 I wonder,is it withdrawal or is it uncured depression occuring?

Wdl does this to you ..makes you start doubting.

Its wdl and unless one can come to that point of view with deep conviction (and in my case anger) then we will be open to be pushed onto more drugs and misguided opinions.

 

Psychotropic drugs don't fix a chemical imbalance, they cause it, which is why it is so difficult to come off them. If taken for more than a few weeks, these drugs create the disease they were intended to cure. We have turned depression which was often self limiting in the past into a chronic disorder because of the drugs we use.

You might like to read  Anatomy of an epidemic by Robert Whittaker

 

Withdrawal is not easy wishing you strength.

I'm sorry you are having trouble sleeping. You are not alone.

[TobinEU]

I understand if people are kind of OK on antidepressants and they go for slow withdrawal and if it is to much they reinstate and the can continue more or less well in life, but what about as unlucky folks who suffer since first pill and withdrawal is just continue of this crap.I'm not happy to be weak and help myself with meds.If I decide to stop Lyrica, what should be tapering after 12days of use?What should I do be functional at least?This is really frustrating and I don't know what to do right now.

[nz11]

I can empathise and understand your dilemma and frustration.

I guess you have to decide what you want, do  you want to be off drugs or do you want to keep taking them in a revolving door manner.

If you turn up to a doctor and describe a symptom it'll be one pill for one ill and another for each side-effect. It's the law of the instrument – when all you have is a hammer everything and everyone looks like a nail.

It's a well documented fact that long-term outcomes are worsened on drugs. I think it strange and odd that doctors don't inform people of this and simply continue to maintain drug addictions for many years.

 

I'm not sure how you would back off the Lyrica at this stage after 12 days.

Some may say you could cold turkey it or taper off quickly.

The general rule of thumb seems to be dependency can be established at one month. Personally I think it could be sooner.

For benzos 1 to 2 weeks from what I have read.

 

Reading the Lyrica link Skyler is talking about pain flares and says:

"My experience with Lyrica suggests it may not be as difficult to taper off as benzos.   I was able to stop taking it 2 or 3 times by weaning off in a few weeks. (I stopped after the flares ended, as opposed to circumvent flares, which I'm doing now (heh, before I got stuck on high dose)... so you might be able to give it a try and get off without a taper should you find there is no to minimal effect.  I'm not doing that this time because it did catch up with me...  but as you know all too well... we all respond differently.  I also found over time that I'm not as likely to go into the catastrophic flares I used to have.. it seems to down regulate the pain. "

 

Rather than do a cold turkey and this is just a guess maybe you could cut it in half immediately for a week and then half again for the next week and then off. Alternatively "you might be able to give it a try and get off without a taper".

There is no point in taking it for longer than you have too. What do you think?

It would be interesting to get some other's opinion on this. You already have desensitised CNS. So I don't know what this would do to it.

[TobinEU]

Udate - I´m down to 50mg of Lyrica,couple of days I stick to 75mg.Feel more anxious and sleep is worst,but it is tolerable.

But what bothers me is my relationship with my wife.It seems that it goes in waves.We had trouble before all this,but now even if it is much better on her side(she is more tolerable,better sex etc.),nevermid how she trying I have moments I can´t stand her and I have tendencies to leave.What I can handle before,I can´t tolerate now due to hypersensitivity.But this is just with her,no one is irritate me or make me angry,only my wife.She is kind of emotional or hysterical and i need somebody calm.Really tough sometimes.So I am asking myself - am I happy more with or without her(the real momets of happines are when I am just alone,hiking in woods) or do I want to spend the rest of my life with her,will I marry her again?I have these doubts and this brings me to spin of anxiety and deppresion.I feel this is the real cause of my condition but i feel more able to think about and try to solve than i was on antidepressants.I´m thinking about split for a while and see what it brings out.Have a nice day everybody.T.

[nz11]

Tobin thanks for taking the time to make such a candid update.

 

Keep in mind that in wdl our brains are operating profoundly abnormally.

Basically they lie.

As most difficult as it may be please consider giving your wife the benefit of every doubt and consider putting on hold any life altering decisions until you are say 5 yrs drug free.

 

You may live to regret a rash decision made in a wave.

Breggin talks about irrational irresponsible and rash decisions bought on by wdl....gee tell me about it !

It can only be seen in (drug free) hindsight and insight...and i am still joining the dots myself.

I'm still learning just how compromised my feelings are and were.

 

Dr A B Tracey doesn't call these drugs the divorce pill for nothing!

Marriage is a commitment not a feeling. Be a man of your promise.

"Love is keeping the promise anyway, that's what love is." J Green.

 

And besides who else is going to take on a (legal or illegal) drug addict.....what a gracious loving wife you have, you are so lucky.

 

Be patient

 

nz11

[TobinEU]

Thank you for your encouraging response nz11   .My doubts are because we are very different in nature and we had difficulties before my crash and I´m not speaking about her affair year ago,when I was in really bad condition due to mirtazapin and this affair put me to hell.So,she is not perfect but she is acting ok now.But,we have so much different view about things,like where do we want to live next(we have very small apartment now and we want to move to bigger one),where to go for holidays,how to raise our son,how to spend our free time.So we are kind of fighting and this exhauste me.So I´m wandering if there could be a solution to live separately but do things together for some time,say abou half a year.Maybe I have a midlife crisis too,because I feel like I don´t live a life I wanted and I lack of responsibility and confidence to be family guy.I want spend more time doing my stuff and if I dont I´m angry,upset,feel trapped and ready to explode,and then anxiosity and depression comes.What a mess in my head  .When I hike or biker I feel like myself 100%,with no anxiety or dep. but when I comeback home there it si again.

[hurtspouse]

Hi tobinEau. A little history on me: I started having panic attacks and depression/anxiety ever since I was about 14 years old (I'm 32 now). I was put on citalopram in 2012 and quickly became so much worse. I only managed to stay on the citalopram for four months then quit CT. I was in absolute hell for about two years, suffering withdrawal symptoms. During this time I discovered that I too had chronic Lyme disease, CPN, bartonella, and Hhv6. I have come through it all using natural methods and can honestly say that I'm feeling 100% better. If you ever need someone who understands, to talk to or ask advice (mostly with regards to the Lyme) please feel free to message me. Doctors are terrible at treating chronic Lyme, and abx rarely seen to work. Wishing you all the best.

[btdt]

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6714-marriages-destroyed-by-ssri-snri-topix/

 

 In case you need it

[TobinEU]

hurtspouse - thank you,I am a member of czech lyme forum,so some more info about treating lyme natural way could be useful. I'll contact you soon. In my case I think abx help,because I was sick several times every winter,worst was last winter when I was weakened by AD's and ill constantly. But after 6 months of treatment with abx combo I wasnt even cold this winter. I'm going to specialist for test after half a year so I'll let you now.

 

btdt - thank you,I'll read that through

 

Anyway, today is better, I calm down yesterday and my wife know what's going about but can't handle it all the time which I do understand.

 

But sleep is worst so I think about going back for 75mg lyrica for a while.Have a nice weekend everybody.

[JanCarol]

Hey Tobin - how is it going?

 

Did you stay on the Lyrica?

 

I know that sleep is very frustrating for so many people in withdrawal:  

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/555-tips-to-help-sleep-so-many-of-us-have-withdrawal-insomnia/

 

It might also help you to examine:

Is It Relapse or Withdrawal?  (usually it's withdrawal)

 

It is sad that the system is set up to get us on the drugs, with no exit strategy.  We have to make our own.  

 

But you've done fairly well, in spite of your fast tapers.  If you can just stay the course - and stay away from the psych drugs - you can heal.

 

It does get better.

[TobinEU]

Hi everybody,

I think I need your advice after long time not being here(I was fighting by my own) 

but first I will make summary of previous months since february 2016. So kind of return of an old dog here  .

By that time(spring 2016) I was on Lyrica 150mg, but with no relieve, co I was told to stop CT. Thing went worse and I was put on Olanzapin

5mg once again to calm down. No major improvement so she added old tricyklic AD called Prothiaden. Then i switched psychiatrist(which was also psychoterapist, private one- so very expensive) and he was afraid of Olanzapin I was taking, so he told me to quit CT and stay on Prothiaden. Quiting Olanzapin CT was bad idea and I suffered a lot,

with thoughts of total doom, suicide ideas and crying outburst. He act like im  overreacting, all that in front of his colleagues which were on training in his course- very embarasing and unprofesional, i lost trust in him then.

In the summer 2016 my conditon was better but stil with rollecoster of good and bad mood swings.

In the august of 2016 we decided to stop completly Prothiaden and I ended sessions with him. So no psychologist or psychiatrist nor meds for next 5moths.

I bellieved I can do it.

My company was ending so I went to another company as ATM technician. Very difficult job with lot of stress and many  things to learn.Team was understuffed and amtosphere

not good between management and employees.I was in constant state of anxiety with ocassional help of klonopin. In novemeber we bought an apartment and moved there. Positive thing, but also with lot of stress. Things escallated before christmass when I was having psychosis -  urgency to leave my job, my family and escape somewhere into mountains. Psychosis and paranoid thoughts. Overwhelmed with anxiety and constant stress lead to this. Christmas was horror for my family, because I want to leave my wife(for no good reason). When I was about to return to work after christmas holiday I collapsed and been homesick for one month with help of klonazepan. After that month I was feeling better, returned to work and start seeing new psychiatrist, which was ex-chief of biggest psych hospital in country. Very nice, understanding person with lots of knowlede. But after another two months with no meds I collapsed again(1/2 of march 2017). I startes to visit individual therapy twice a month and group therapy every week and my new psych. insisted on trying Zoloft again, even i took it for couple of months in summer of 2015 with no help and strange side effects.

Im staing  out of work since then(sick leave from march till now). I was hoping for some improvement, but my anxiety persisted, so he upped gradually  dose from 25mg to 100mg of Zoloft.

I was starting having problems with sleep and lost of libido and impossible ejaculation, no reliefe from anxiety. So he gave me with zoloft two different antipsychotic in lowest doses for sleep in the evening and one for anxiety in the morning. I dont remember their names. Nothing positive happend after month on them. My family and friends in group therapy noticed I become flat person and I felt weird.

So I announced I want to go off antipsychotic first an than from zoloft. He sugested very slow weaning, but me being very desperate I guit antipsychotic as fast as possible with no side effect and I felt much better.Then I started tapering from zoloft, but always one step before my doc. There was another thing to add to situation - at the begining of june I had a bad crash on moutain bike, ended up in emergency with broken collar bone and some other isuuses. I had an surgery in total anesthesia and they put fixing wires in my arm. I was on strong pain meds and felt psychicly well on them(tramadol and other stuff). After two weeks in my arm developed an inflamation, so I went on another surgery in total anesthesia and wires had must been taken out. I also took strong antibiotics to cure inflamation.Before crash I felt good and ready to deal with life, still on low dose(50mg) of Zoloft. After surgery I was housebound with nothing to do but watch tv or read books. Very frustrating. In that month of June a drop zoloft from 50mg to 25mg and after few days I quit completely.

 

So here comes my current situation and some questions.

I´v been zoloft free from july. My sleep is better, morning anxieties gone. Sex is back to normal.

During group therapy I solved problem with my wife and deal with problems with my mum.

I feel more confident right now and I can stand by myself like I used to before I got sick three years ago.

Group therapy helped the most, not with anxiety, but with dealing the life. First three weeks with no meds I felt almost normal, enjoing life.

Sometimes I felt spikes of anxiety out of nowhere so a took some klonopin once in the evening and mornig and I am ok like for next 10days.

Bad thing is that due to injury I cannot sport, just take some walks (no running, hiking,swiming, biking,etc) until my arm heals.

 

But lust week i noticed drops in mood and also lack of energy ,like if someone sudenly suck my battery out and I had to take long nap.

Exhausted for rest of the day. Very distrubing.

 I´m going to see my psychiatrist tomorow after month and I´m wondering what to tell him, because he thinks Im still on 50mg Zoloft.

I need to end my sick leave because we are going overseas for two weeks of holiday. After holidays I was planning to go back to work for couple of weeks and then find another job with less stress load(already find some fine job). My boss knows my situation and is supporting me.

So, is my condition right now due to withdrawal or is it returning desease? Should I reinstate small amount of zoloft or just use klonopin when needed( Im not benzo abuser).

Please consider I collapsed badly after 5 moths with no meds.

I don´t wan to ruin our holiday I was exciting to go  and put my family in desperacy if i might collapse on island overseas. 

I think there is some contribution on life circumstance to my mental health like predisposition to anxiety, but I´m convinced psych meds made me that desperate afterwards.

I was having anxiety attacks first,no previous mental problems or depression but after I was given that SSRI three years ego I developed psychosis,insomnia and depression.

My life over time is much better, I´m able to read books,listen to music, have fun with my son or just go for hiking trip(impossible two years ago), but still there is much lot space to 

fell normal and happy again.

 

So any suggestions are welcome and best to you all my friends

 

Tom

 

 

 

 

 

 

[scallywag]

Tom, you wrote

 

7 hours ago, TobinEU said:

So I announced I want to go off antipsychotic first an than from zoloft. He sugested very slow weaning, but me being very desperate I guit antipsychotic as fast as possible with no side effect and I felt much better.Then I started tapering from zoloft, but always one step before my doc. There was another thing to add to situation - at the begining of june I had a bad crash on moutain bike, ended up in emergency with broken collar bone and some other isuuses. I had an surgery in total anesthesia and they put fixing wires in my arm. I was on strong pain meds and felt psychicly well on them(tramadol and other stuff). After two weeks in my arm developed an inflamation, so I went on another surgery in total anesthesia and wires had must been taken out. I also took strong antibiotics to cure inflamation.Before crash I felt good and ready to deal with life, still on low dose(50mg) of Zoloft. After surgery I was housebound with nothing to do but watch tv or read books. Very frustrating. In that month of June a drop zoloft from 50mg to 25mg and after few days I quit completely.

 

You've made some very large and fast reductions in these medications. We suggest going much more slowly that you have: no more than 10% decrease once per month. Your Zoloft decrease was 50% and then 100% (from 25 mg to 0).

 

Your condition now is almost certainly withdrawal.  You are probably much better off reinstating a small dose of Zoloft than continuing to take clonazaepam (klonopin) as needed. People can become dependent on benzos even when taking them occasionally.

 

On what day did you take your last dose of 25 mg Zoloft?  That answer will give us some idea about what reinstatement dose to suggest for you. 

[TobinEU]

I take last dose month ago.

[scallywag]

I'm not sure what you mean by last month: June 5? June 28?

 

On what date or approximate date did you take your last dose? 

[TobinEU]

25th of June 2017. ?

[scallywag]

Are you open to the idea of reinstating a very small dose of Zoloft to see if you stabilize?  We would likely suggest you try a dose MUCH LOWER THAN your last dose of 25 mg. Please read:

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms.

How your brain responds to psychiatric drugs - aka "Brain remodeling"

 

Please let us know your thoughts about reinstating.

[TobinEU]

Im thinking about this. I'm mostly ok with occasional depressive states but mostly with increased anxiety with no real reason. But Zoloft previously didn' thelp me with anxiety at all, just flattened my emotions and made my sleep worse so would reinstating of even small amount help? Please let me know.  I have no possibility to make exact dosage,  I can only cut pills. I'm leaving for holidays overseas tomorrow. 

[scallywag]

Tobin, so I don't repeat myself or duplicate information posted elsewhere, please let me know if you've read the links I posted previously about reinstating and the effect of psych meds on your brain & CNS (central nervous system).

[TobinEU]

Yes I did.

[Plshelp]

How long did you taper off the antipsychotics? When did you start feeling normal afterwards? 

[TobinEU]

It was tiny dose, I took them about month in may. I stopped evening dose CT and week after I stopped CT morning dose. I felt releliefe immediately after each stopping.  

[scallywag]

I've added a few line breaks to your signature content to make it more readable:

Quote

Details of 2014-2015 in this post.: benzos, escitalopram (Estan, Cipralex), trazodone (Trittico), mirtazpine (Remeron), sertraline (Zoloft) tried at different times, all stopped cold turkey

09/2014-12/2015 benzos in different dosage for different periods of time.

09/2014 Estan(Escitalopram) 10mg for five days -severe reaction stopped cold turkey - sent to hospital

11/2014 Trittico(Trazodon) from 50mg up to 150mg for one month - stopped cold turkey,switched to Mirtazapine

12/2014-09/2015 Mirtazapine from7,5mg up to 45mg,settled on 30mg04/2015-08/2015 added Zoloft 10mg to Mirtazapine

06/2015-10/2015 diagnosed with post Lyme,Yersinia,Chalmidya Pneu.,EBV herpes viruses,low imunity.Treated with Minocykline 100mg+Summamed 250mg

08/2015 stopped Zoloft cold turkey with no wd symptoms

09/2015 stopped Mirtazapine from 30mg to 0mg after one month tappering

10/2015 symptoms returned after 6 weeks with no meds(anxiety,insomnia,derealization) started Mirtazapin for 5days - suicidal thoughts,so stopped (CT)

11/2015-12/2015 switched to Cipralex(Lexapro) from 0mg to 10mg in one month - increased insomnia,lost apetite,anxiety,suicidal thoughts

12/2015 added Olanzapine(Zyprexa) 2,5mg for sleep and weight gain<p>

01/2016 stopped Cipralex after two weeks of tappering and also stopped Olanzapine cold turkey because side effects.

Now with no meds.from 16.01.2016

 

sss

 

On 2017-07-27 at 5:20 AM, TobinEU said:

 

1. early 2016: Lyrica 150mg started, then later in the spring doc approved CT stop off
2. then: Olanzapine 5 mg and then addition of dosulapin (Prothiaden) prescribed for symptoms from Lyrica CT (and previous CTs)
3. new psychiatrist: CT off olanzapine (doc advised), continue on Prothiaden; I suffered a lot, with thoughts of total doom, suicide ideas and crying outburst.
4. summer 2016: conditon was better but stil with rollecoster of good and bad mood swings
5. Aug. 2016: CT off Prothiaden
6. fall 2016: life stresses -- moving, home/relationship challenges, employer closing, new job
7. fall 2016: constant state of anxiety with ocassional help of klonopin
8. Dec. 2016: "collapse", symptoms of psychosis and paranoia; prescribed clonazepam (Klonopin)
9. Jan. 2017: return to work
10. 2-Mar-2017: another "collapse", prescribed Zoloft, dose increased from 25 mg to 100 mg; off work
11. April 2017: two "low dose" antipsychotic meds added: 1 for sleep (PM dose), 1 for anxiety (AM dose); no positive effects from a/p meds after one month; flat affect noticed by family and friends
12. May 2017: quit both antipsychotic meds as fast as possible; note: doctor suggested very slow weaning; felt good for 3 weeks
13. May/June: bicycle crash, surgery with general anesthesia and pain killers
14. June 2017: decrease Zoloft from 50 mg to 25 mg; Took 25 mg for a few days -- last dose June 25

currently taking: clonazepam as needed once every 10 days or so.

 

After stopping Zoloft

The good

• My sleep is better,
• Morning anxieties gone.
• Sex is back to normal.

• During group therapy I solved problem with my wife and deal with problems with my mum.

• I feel more confident right now and I can stand by myself like I used to before I got sick three years ago.

• First three weeks with no meds I felt almost normal, enjoing life.

The bad:

• Sometimes I felt spikes of anxiety out of nowhere so a took some klonopin once in the evening and morning and I am ok like for next 10days.
• Bad thing is that due to injury I cannot sport, just take some walks (no running, hiking,swiming, biking,etc) until my arm heals.
• But lust week i noticed drops in mood and also lack of energy ,like if someone sudenly suck my battery out and I had to take long nap. Exhausted for rest of the day. Very distrubing.

 

I've tried to sort out the important information about your history with medications in the quotes above.

 

Questions for you:

Do you have any Zoloft tablets left? 

Any capsules of the two "anti-psychotic" medications you were given for sleep and anxiety in March or April this year?

Edited August 1, 2017 by scallywag
edit quoted text to list

[TobinEU]

Scallywag, thank you for correcting my words and "adopting" me . My long term memory isn't that good as it should be but I remembered what antipsychotic I was taken. It was Chlorprothixen and Deniban. Lowest possible dose both. I don't have them and not planning use them any more. I have Zoloft 50mg. I'm on day two of reinstating about 4mg (I crush half of the pill to powder, mix it and divide it do six parts). Thank you for your effort.  I will keep updating.

[Altostrata]

Hello, Tobin. You seem to be doing pretty well in your recovery from going on and off so many drugs. It sounds like you are having some waves of anxiety. This is to be expected in anyone still recovering from psychiatric drugs, it's your nervous system losing its balance momentarily, then stabilizing again.

 

Your nervous system will be wobbly for a while. Stress will make this worse. If you can, minimize stress. You are right in looking for another job when you get back from vacation. While you are working, try to be conscious of how it is stressful and take care of yourself by reducing that stress.

 

You might keep daily notes on paper of your symptoms, when you take your drugs (such as Klonopin), and their dosages. This might help you to see if the anxiety surges are related to the drugs or anything else you're doing from day to day.

 

If I were you, I'd do my best to relax on vacation. Don't drink alcohol, eat healthy, get plenty of sleep. This may strengthen your nervous system for going back to work.

 

If you can get magnesium citrate capsules or powder, you can mix it in water and sip it when you feel anxious. Magnesium is calming and generally good for you. Fish oil can be good, too. See 

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

 

[TobinEU]

Thank you Altostrata for your suggestions. 

I'm back after almost two months. 

At first I have to say that reinstating didn't work. I was more and more irritated, anxious and sleep worsened. So after one week I quit.  Rest of holidays was ok. We rented a car and made trips around the island. I felt almost completely myself with just a little bit of anxiety. Sleep was ok. In that time a realized that stress is causing me all troubles and I am now very sensitive to it.  

 

After holiday I was so ok I was even looking forward to come back to old job. I did some easy work but anyway bouts of crippling anxiety come back. Meanwhile I found another job which looked much less stressful. So now I work as facilities management worker.  Bad thing is I'm very stressed out,  anxiety hitting hard and I have to take some benzos during work days to survive and not to spin out of control. My colleague is despotic a... hole and work is a lot under my grade so I feel a little worthless not been able to do job I expect to be. After work I'm wery tired because of stress so I sleep a lot and rest as much as possible even if it means put a side some work around home.  Weekends are ok,  we are going outside to woods and stuff like that.  Thing is how to handle so much stress and not take benzos. I'm trying rest and meditate as much as possible but it's not enough. 

 

Any suggestions? Thanks for your time. 

[TobinEU]

And one more thing. I take magnesium to calm me down. Only possible way I can imagine is to work half time or something like that. I dont know .