Romina95: Paxil Withdrawal.. 15 years old when i started SSRIs..

[romina95]

I need some help..

I started taking SSRIs (lexapro,seronil,and last paxil, i had to switch every year because i developed tolerance)when i was 15-16. When I was almost 20, last April , i told the doctor (it was a student practicing) i wanted to switch meds, because i was suicidal.He ,based on my history of switching ssris, wanted to start me on high dose of antipsychotics (i already took ketipinor /seroquel 100 mg a low dose) i refused and wanted to quit paxil. He tapered me off very quickly, from 40 mg to 20 mg in one day, and from 20 mg to 10 mg to 0 in one month. Also ketipinor (seroquel) cold turkey...

I developed withdrawal symptoms such as brain zaps, horrible anxiety and depression,nausea, muscle spasms, 10 kg weight loss,panic, insomnia,the list goes on forever. It was 2 weeks after quitting i first went to the doctor.

They put me on a low dose Seronil / prozac but it just made me feel worse so i quit after a week. After that i had the zaps and all the other symptoms for 2,5 months before i gave up and they put me on Cipralex. I took it for 2 months but it didn't work, or minimally. Eventually most physical symptoms went away but my mental health was really bad.. They put me on Sertralin/zoloft, didnt work either. In October, 5 months after quitting, i started with Voxra/wellbutrin and finally started to feel better. I'm glad for being myself again but i live in fear of my voxra/wellbutrin stopping working.. Since its the only NDRI out there i'd have nothing to switch to. I also am TERRIFIED that the person i was those 5-6 months is the REAL ME ... The me without meds... I dont remember being that way at all before i started,sure i had anxiety but not even close to that level,and never had depression..I am TERRIFIED that it was a relapse and not withdrawals... I keep thinking,there is no way withdrawal would have lasted HALF A YEAR and surely would have continued..

[romina95]

I would really appreciate some insight

 

Thanks

[romina95]

Thanks for your answers in advance.

[brassmonkey]

Hi Romina-- welcome to the group.  I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time with the meds.  It is very clear that it all started back with the way you stopped taking the paxil.  Going from 40mg to 0 in just over a month is basically a cold turkey and will cause all the symptoms that you mentioned.  That was then compounded by all the different drug changes, stops and starts.  I so glad that the Wellbutrin has helped.  Rest assured that the person you have been for the past many months is not the REAL YOU, it is a manifestation of the drugs and WD symptoms.  Once we get things sorted out and the drugs gone you should settle into being the best person you've ever been. Here is some information to help you understand what has been going on:

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

Tips for tapering off Wellbutrin, SR, XR, XL (buproprion)

 

If you would please fill in a signature block with your drug/taper history it would be really helpful for us to see what is going on.

 

http://survivinganti...your-signature/

 

BTW, there is no need to post questions in a lot of different forums.  This thread will be your home base to keep a journal and ask questions about your specific needs.

[romina95]

Thank you so much for your response. I didnt think of the 1 month taper that way ( a cold turkey) but it sure was..

I hope i one day can get off meds ..i fear the day my wellbutrin or the other stops working and i get bad again.. i am also taking the zoloft even though it only helps me minimally because im too afraid to be without ssris and no serotonin..if i do i will taper the safe way and hope not to get long term effects (ive read SSRIs can kill all your receptors and they for some wont grow back and youre left feeling horrible and with treatment resistant disorders... I seem to be very sensitive to drugs (once i took oxazepam only 1,5 weeks and quit and got bad withdrawals..)

 

Yeah sorry for the many posts thing, i just thought if i had it in more than 1 section someone maybe would reply,

 

Thanks again.

[romina95]

Ah, and i will add my signature.

[romina95]

I replied in the wrong thread. Can you delete it ?

I cant find the arrow to change settings.. Maybe its because im on my mobile phone?

[Fresh]

Hi Romina , don't worry about that.   

 

Instructions for filling out your signature on a moblie phone are here

 

 Posted 11 April 2014 - 04:11 AM

Just thought I would mention this for members who are using phones or tablets to view the site. At the bottom of each page is a button to view 'full version'. If you click this you will then be able to view the signatures of posters. In full view you will also be able to add a signature to your posts as outlined above. Scroll up for those instructions.

This works on android devices. If you have I-stuff, I am not sure how its browser displays the page so YMMV

[Altostrata]

Welcome, Romina.

 

You started the same topic in 3 different places. I merged them all together into this topic. Please ask questions here, in your Intro topic. This will save duplication of responses.

 

Suicidality can be a side effect of SSRIs. In the US, this is a recognized risk for young people, though it also affects adults. It is very possible your suicidality might have been caused by the drug.

 

After that, you developed withdrawal syndrome, which can last for months or years.

 

Now it seems you are comfortable on bupropion. What can we do to help?

[brassmonkey]

Hi Romina--  I did some housekeeping for you.  Alto appears to have done some too while I was typing this response.

 

No, ssris don't kill off all your receptors.  The drugs work by turning the receptors down like closing a valve.  If you've been on the drugs for an extended period of time like me (23 some years) then some of the least used might not get replaced when they wear out.  However, when a person tapers off of the drug the receptors build back up to full strength as their duties return to normal.

[romina95]

Fresh: thanks ! I'm gonna do that

[romina95]

Altrostrata: thank you. Yes bupropion is helping, i take zoloft and seroquel 50 mg too. I am just scared that they will stop helping after a while and I won't know what to do, more since bupropion is the only one of its kind. And I don't know who I am without the drugs... When I started i was a young kid.

[romina95]

Brassmonkey: I'm glad to hear that!!

I was just afraid they wouldnt grow back.. because when i started my brain was developing from child/teen to adult who I now am and my brain grew up with the meds

[romina95]

The doctors said it's relapse.. Other doctor said it was a rapid relapse where all of my symptoms came at once, and that it feels worse because the medicines were helping for a long time... No doctor recognized my withdrawal after 1-2 months :/

[romina95]

A few days ago I felt bad because I was thinking (I have OCD) about how i may be the person i was that half year without the meds...HALF a year no way it was withdrawals.... Then I started panicking and having flashbacks from the time I ws in withdrawals... I have been fine the last 2-3 months when i started with wellbutrin but its still so recent... I started shaking a lot and thinking "Im shaking almost like i did on withdrawals.. Maybe it was all in my head!" when i told the doctors about thw brain zaps and Aaaall the physical symptoms they sid it was My anxiety causing it . they said you have a lot of anxiety thats why. I told them i wasnt like this before meds!!!! They just said oh but you are older now, it gets worse when you are older. You cant compare yourself to when you were 15.. Ugh

[romina95]

What do you guys think?

[brassmonkey]

The one of the biggest reasons we have here for people being on multiple drugs is because of doctors misdiagnosing WD symptoms for the "return of your original condition" and try to drug it away.  It's slowly getting better, but most doctors don't have a clue how these drugs work and how people react to them.  Getting off of these drugs in a safe manner with a minimum of symptoms is a very long, slow, tedious process.  One of the big problems is that the symptoms can be delayed up to six months to a year after changes have been made. Especially if the changes have been made abruptly.  Like I mentioned earlier, all the things you're feeling are common WD symptoms that stem from switching drugs several times in four years and then going off the paxil too fast and were compounded by the addition and deletion of all the other drugs afterwards. 

 

Now that you seem to be stabilizing on the Wellbutrin it will take several months for things to settle down to a steady state as your brain sorts out what has been done to it.  During that time you're going to experience a lot of things you've never felt before, but they are all your body trying to straighten itself out and get better.  It's a horrible position we have found ourselves in by no fault of our own, but there is nothing we can do but move forward one step at a time.  The brain/body is a wonderful thing in the way it can adjust and repair itself given enough time.

 

(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

[romina95]

For me the symptoms came directly after quitting, yeah i feel like welbutrin has helped me inmensely i have some bad days but overall im good, the worst is the fear of myself ..i cant stop thinking that it was a relapse .. Its my ocd thought i know but its hard.. It feels good to know that you guys believe in long withdrawals... Makes me feel less afraid .. Even my mom and friends thought it was me who gone crazy ,. But it was surely withdrawal for stopping paxil almost CT after 4 years off ssri use from aVery young age

[romina95]

I wish my mom would have stopped me from swallowing that first pill. I wish someone had told me, ssris will make you go through hell for a long long time and the worst part you will think its YOUR fault and people will think u are crazy.. I tried to kill myself a few times in withdrawal.. I prayed to god who otherwise i never believe in to just let me die, let me die..

 

I wish i had come out stronger,

But

It just made me terrified

Of myself.

[romina95]

Ohhh brassmonkey didnt realize you sent me hugs sorryy !!!

 

((((((((HUGS HUGS AND MORE HUGS))))))))))))

[romina95]

So i really want to quit the Wellbutrin and Zoloft.. ( i wonder why it "cured" my withdrawal in a few days?!?!) does anyone know?? Because i tried reinstating other ssris than paxil(no way i was taking that poison again) and it didnt work. And wellbutrin is not a SSRI? I am confused

[romina95]

i thought HUGS was your signature ((((((((( brassmonkey ))))))))

[romina95]

I also contacted a doctor specialized in withdrawal that i found on this site:) I am Finnish soo here in finland there are 2 of them,, his name is Hasse Karlsson and i live far away from were he works. But i am trying to get an appointment. I wonder will he do any tests (neuropsychological tests , serotonin levels and stuff)? I asked him but it was weekend soo he hasnt replied yet

[romina95]

Thing is, im TERRIFIED of going through withdrawal again

[AliG]

Hi Romina.   I know it's confusing and can take a while to work out what has happened in the past , and how you're going to deal with the " fallout" , from the medical system and drugs , in the future, but if you take it slowly and steadily , from hereon in you should be fine. There is every reason to believe , that if you have a period of stabilization , that you can then slowly taper off the drugs in a way that you can continue on with your life, without too much disturbance.

 

So i really want to quit the Wellbutrin and Zoloft.. ( i wonder why it "cured" my withdrawal in a few days?!?!) does anyone know?? Because i tried reinstating other ssris than paxil(no way i was taking that poison again) and it didnt work. And wellbutrin is not a SSRI? I am confused

 No one can really say . Wellbutrin is stimulating , and perhaps  it was just a similar drug ( that you weren't sensitive to  ) , back in your system , again, alleviating withdrawal symptoms.

What dose of Zoloft & Wellbutrin, are you on, now. ? If you could update your drug history signature , it will help .

 

I'm sure you will get through this and now that you know to taper slowly, you are informed and knowledgeable. This should prevent any recurrence of major withdrawal symptoms.

What are your expectations of your Doctor ?  I hope it goes well, but I wouldn't expect too much , as most are uninformed. Please let us know how you go , and come back with any questions and/ or concerns.

Ali

[romina95]

Will update my signature

I think you are right,maybe my body was oversensitive to SSRIs after all the withdrawals and merry-go-round.. I hope it just doesnt make the withdraws worse when i quit the zoloft..im gonna taper real slow when i do

Yeah maybe i should wait a bit for my body to stabilize..

I dont know,i just wanted to talk to someone that specialized on withdrawal and see what he thinks we can do ,

[SkyBlue]

Hi Romina, 

 

I sent you a friend request! 

 

You've been through a lot and I can't believe you had to taper from 40 mg to 20 mg of Paxil in a month. Paxil withdrawal is awful.

 

You did start at a very young age -- I can understand that you feel that you "don't really know who you are without the drugs." 

But -- you are so young, and you can now really discover who you are -- your true self.

[romina95]

I got your friend request. I actuall tapered from 40 to 20 in one day..lol thanks doctor ..

I sent u a message

[romina95]

@SkyBlue

[romina95]

Guys , I talked to Frank , the owner of QuitPaxil. This was his reply to my mail:

 

Wow,

Where to start. I am bewildered by all the medication that you have been on over the last few months/years. Right off the bat, I have to admit that I can be of little help, as I am not trained in a pharmacology, nor have I experience with any of the medication you mention, expect of course Paxil.

 

Still, given the pharmacological journey you have been on, I am surprised how well you are doing. Going off both Paxil and Ketipinor quickly must have been utter hell. As both can have similar withdrawal symptoms, I am not sure how one would sort out which did what.

No person on the planet could be themselves while going through what you did, and it is safe to state that your withdrawal from all this medication would have distorted your personality greatly.

 

The real you, (as fraught as that term is *) is who you are now . As for the fear that the Bupropion (Voxra) might stop working, I can’t really give you great assurance, expect to say that they would likely just up your dosage, if it were to happen.

(...)

If, however you were diagnosed with run of the mill depression or anxiety/ panic attacks, then you might want to explore alternatives. I had great results with targeted therapy, exercise, and a change in diet (no coffee for the last 25 years for example). Not that they are a cure-all by any means, but they do help.

[romina95]

And another thing to give you hope: age can change everything. In many ways, being middle aged is a chore. The body is starting its slow decline, and your kid’s music sucks for the most part (except for Digitalism) . But, and here comes the good part, it can wipe out certain mental illnesses. Around the time I turned 40, for example, my anxiety completely vanished. It was a welcome surprise. The depression stuck around, but one of two ain’t bad. So keep trucking on, as we say in Canada. Things will get better.

 

All the best

Frank

 

*the whole notion of the self is so highly complex, that I can’t possibly do it justice. You’ll have to turn to wiser homo sapiens than me. As someone who has spent his life searching for answers to that question, I can state with great conviction, that I still have not the slightest clue. The only thing that I can state with certainty after all these years is, that I, Frank, like footy and good Marzipan. The rest is pure speculation. Mind you, I suspect that the answers can be found in Proust and Wodehouse. Best of luck in your quest.

[romina95]

He seems to be a real nice guy, and has a lot experience with Paxil as he runs the quitpaxil site, so if you want to ask something or just tell your experience with paxil just email him!

[Hisame]

Hi Romina ! Where did you find the email of Frank ? Is there a topic about his story with Paxil ?

Thanks.

[romina95]

In the QuitPaxil site ,there you can find his email. He takes a while to answer tho I don't really know about his w/d story though.

[Hisame]

Thanks Romina !

Hope you are fine : )

[romina95]

No problem! Thanks, hope you are well too