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SkyBlue: Paxil taper


SkyBlue

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  • Moderator Emeritus

That's really helpful information about getting magnesium topically.  Thanks SkyBlue!

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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  • Moderator

Great post SkyBlue.  I've read the Mag Oil can be used as a topical for sore muscles, any input on that?

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks Scallywag! 

 

Hi Brass! I think it does seem to help sore muscles. It seems to just wonderfully relax everything. :) 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Copied and pasted from another thread, from the wonderful Shep: 

 

 

"In the end, we come out ready to take on the world."   ;)

 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • 1 month later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi everyone and Happy New Year!

 

I can't believe I haven't posted in a month and a half. I hope everyone is doing well. 

 

I did a hold for about two months. During that time, on the good days, I felt better than I have in years. Clear-headed; happy; not bogged down. So hang in there, people reading this! 

 

On the bad days, however, I continue to have strong suicidal ideation -- NO plan, NO intent. Still awful. 

 

Note: I never never never never was suicidal for one second in my life before a too-fast "taper" of Paxil. 

 

I then went from .9 to .88 on January 1. So far, so good--just some heavy-headedness the first day.

 

I am amazed that as recently as four years ago, I was taking 60 mg of Paxil -- EVERY night . . . WOW!!! 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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I am so happy to hear you are having good days! Hang on to those and let them be your guide through the waves! You have come so far and are doing amazing!

40 years old and have been on 20 mg of Paxil for the last 19 years. Multiple unsuccessful attempts to quit over the years.01/2015 Was tapering using liquid Paxil. MD has prescribed 1 ml = 2mg taper every two weeks or once withdrawal symptoms at that dose subside. Reduced from 20 to 10 mg using this method and at 10 mg severe withdrawal set in. 1.5 months of pure hell. Found SA, learned what was happening, and reinstated to 20 mg. After a month of severe symptoms recovered with the reinstatement. Fish oil - Multi Vitamin - Pro-biotic, amino-acid/B Vitamin supplement every day. Magnesium as needed.08/09/15 - 18 mg - 09/08/15 - 16.4 mg - 10/10/15 - 15 mg - 01/02/16 - 13.6 mg 02/15/16 - 12.0 mg - Bad symptom flare up 40 days into drop - Dizziness, panic/anxiety, overheating (esp at night), low appetite, headache, insomnia with bizarre dreams, internal shaking. 04/16/16 - 11mg - 7/17/16 - 10 mg holding.....

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Happy New Year, SkyBlue. 

 

Thanks for checking in. I'm sorry you're still struggling with suicidal thoughts, but you have a strong, positive attitude and some great windows to power you through.

 

60 mg Paxil down to .88 mg is really an amazing accomplishment. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 

 

 

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Thank you so much, jLynn and Shep! ! ! <3 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi friends, 

 

Update: 

 

- Only real change in going .9 to .88 has been the "bee sting" or being poked with a single needle feeling.

 

No *new* symptoms, other than the recurrent suicidal thoughts.

 

 

I would like to check in with you all because I feel that I'm getting a fair amount of pressure from 

very well-meaning people in my life to "do something" to address the recurrent suicidality I have been having

(meaning talking more honestly to my doctor about feeling recurring suicidal feelings). 

These people include my *amazing* therapist, family, and a friend of mine who is a therapist.

 

I know it is my decision, but what concerns me is that in my wanting not to go up on meds and feeling pressure

to do so, I'm not going to be as honest with these people when I'm feeling that way, and I've just recently made

a lot of progress in terms of actually sharing with people about what's going on with me.

 

Also, between period times, (before, during and after ), I feel 

- clearer than I have in years

- more able to focus

- better able to remember things and "hold" things in my brain, which is very exciting because I didn't even realize it was a problem. I think for a long time I had a low-level "confusion," which I wouldn't even say was confusion-- just a feeling like, 

for example, at Christmas, not really being 100% clear about who I had bought gifts for, what remained to be done, even looking at a list, I would kind of have this "???" feeling. 

 

(note to self: share this evidence of progress in the Share About Your Windows thread to give others hope!!!) 

 

 

- It is 1000% obviously hormones. It happens during or after my period. 

- As I've said, I was never-not-for-one-SECOND suicidal before abrupt Paxil tapering.

- This (and the rage that goes along with it) started pretty much the second I rapid-tapered Paxil. It's not like my period has been getting worse and worse steadily, nope. 

 

 

I am going to talk with my acupuncturist about it -- she already has me eating what are called "blood-building" foods, like bone broth, dandelion greens (!!!???) and a lot of other stuff, and taking a "Blood Builder" supplement.

 

I feel very protective of my progress through withdrawal and don't even want to go on ANY medication.

But I am probably going to go to my primary doctor and tell her I get "very depressed" (I'm not going to say "suicidal," lest I get rushed to the hospital) around my period. There may be something else they can do. 

 

I think it's pretty obvious Paxil has screwed around with my hormones. That's a thing, right?? As an example, I had

a 20 lb weight gain in a month a couple of years ago. 

 

Thoughts?? Thanks, everyone. 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

My thoughts are that a doctor will only offer more drugs.  Women work at hormonal issues in all sorts of ways - the foods we choose to eat, exercise, friendships - and that's what I'd recommend.  I like the sound of the bone-broth; I use it a lot.  I also cut out white flour, sugar and caffeine.  These really affect mood and hormones.  During PMS I do particular yoga poses which are nourishing and comforting - child's pose, legs up the wall, and cuddly, supportive poses with bolsters.  I might watch a nice movie, or have a hot bath with epsom salts.  It's worth really stepping up the self-care during this time.

 

Perhaps you can work up a plan when you are not in PMS, which you start practicing a day or two before PMS starts and continue through those days.   

 

You are right to be protective of your progress, and your instinct not to share with those who may pressure you is probably a good instinct.  Trust has to work both ways.  You've got to be able to trust those you talk with, and they've got to be worthy of that trust by simply listening and supporting.  Opening up is not an invitation for somebody to comment on your choices.  It is sensible to hold back in situations that are not actually truly 'safe/trust-worthy.' 

 

And you are right that ad's mess with our hormones.  So many of us have experienced this.  You've probably seen this, but just in case:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8142-pms-and-menstrual-cycle-issues-during-withdrawal/

 

The suicidal feelings won't be permanent.  They will ease along with the rest of w/d.

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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  • Moderator

"Suicidal" is a trigger word for the entire medical community and most people in general.  Say it and they freak out  trying to protect you from your self and end up never listening to what it is you're actually saying.  Unless a person is afraid they're going to actually do harm to them selves, I feel it is better to only confide in very trusted friend and even then to think twice about doing it. Suicidal ideation is very common in WD and very frightening to experience but it does dissipate over time.  Trusting in ones self and understanding/believing that it will get better are the keys to disarming the thoughts. They may not get rid of the thoughts but they will make them controllable and less frightening.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Moderator Emeritus

To avoid "hot button" words, would it be helpful instead to say you have feelings of resignation -- that things won't ever change or get better?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 

I would like to check in with you all because I feel that I'm getting a fair amount of pressure from 

very well-meaning people in my life to "do something" to address the recurrent suicidality I have been having

(meaning talking more honestly to my doctor about feeling recurring suicidal feelings). 

These people include my *amazing* therapist, family, and a friend of mine who is a therapist.

 

 

 

Just to add onto what others are saying about the "suicide" word. When you tell someone you are suicidal, you're putting pressure on them "to do" something. 

 

This goes back to what I've said on other threads - we speak the language of "withdrawal", but doctors and friends speak the language of "mental illness". They aren't going to understand it in the same terms. 

 

For me, I plan on addressing how very difficult this experience has been after I heal. When I'm no longer a sleep deprived victim from a walking dead movie, my words will carry more weight.  And if I'm speaking in the past tense (i.e. I "used" to be suicidal), that takes the pressure off for anyone to do something and they may actually "hear" it for what it is. 

 

And really, what can they do for me now? We don't speak the same language. 

 

That being said, if these thoughts spiral out of control, then you very much do need to seek medical attention. But I'm hoping you can view these thoughts as intrusive and use the mindfulness practice of letting them walk by, like visitors that you have no need to talk to. 

 

I found Brassmonkey's article to be very helpful for dealing with emotional spirals to keep my thoughts from getting out of control. Perhaps it will help you, too, if you haven't already seen it:

 

Dealing with Emotional Spirals

 

And know you're getting off these drugs and you're going to heal. 

 

Sending healing vibes your way. 

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi friends, 

Darn--something seems to be going on with my notifications and I'm just seeing your wonderful responses now. 

 

Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions. 

 

KarenB, thank you for your post and for ideas on self-care. I regularly do yoga and did get a bolster for Christmas, so I will be doing that! Restorative yoga is awesome.

 

Brassmonkey, thank you as always for offering a voice of reason. I appreciate your perspective -- It makes a lot of sense that the "suicidal" word/concept is going to freak people out. For that reason, ---

 

--Scallywag, I like your term of "resignation." 

 

-- Shep, thanks for chiming in on the "suicide" word, and the idea of talking about it in the past tense. You are right that so many people don't speak this "language" of withdrawal, etc. I'll look at Brassmonkey's Emotional Spiral article too!

(I won't spiral out of control--I don't have any *intent* or plan, just (like many of us, I must remember) a recurring (but thankfully ****no longer constant**** feeling of wanting this to be over and hopelessness that it ever will be.).

 

How much do I appreciate your friendship and support?? Sooooooo much! I appreciate your holding my hand in the darkness when I can't see. Thanks again, everybody! 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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SkyBlue. You're doing great. Don't forget that. You are being strong and positive. I had the SI throughout a lot of this - still do sometimes.

 

To me it's just the drugs talking. I know that now. I didn't know it then.

 

I would be very hesitant to broach the subject with a doctor. What good can come out of it ?  None , that I can see but that is only if you are feeling strong. If you are not then maybe it is best to share and talk about it. it depends how you are feeling.

 

How are you now ? 

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • Mentor

 

But I am probably going to go to my primary doctor and tell her I get "very depressed" (I'm not going to say "suicidal," lest I get rushed to the hospital) around my period. There may be something else they can do.

 

since you are clear that you don't want any more drugs, what exactly do you think that your PCP could do?

 

do you think that some kind of hormone therapy might help?

 

It's been several years since I've had a period, but I do recall having severe PMS, I was generally more irritable than depressed, and it sucked.

 

I think you might have better luck googling things that can help you combat PMS symptoms, by that I mean natural things, like maybe certain foods...? or avoiding certain foods, or perhaps some kind of exercise

I do recall that walking helped me a lot, even though during that time of the month I really did NOT want to walk, I just wanted to veg out and hide away from everyone because my mood was so foul.

 

Unless your dr is familiar with non drug treatments, I think it's unlikely that you'll get much help from her/him

 

Good luck,

you seem to be doing very well, good for you!!  :)

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi AliG! Great to see you! :) I like that you used the SI abbreviation -- I'm going to use it here because even writing the words out causes me to go, ehhhhhhhhhh. Thanks for your kind words also! 

 

Hi catnapt, thanks for stopping by and thanks also for your kind words and encouragement. 

 

My nurse friend got me in to see an OB/osteopath who specializes in functional medicine. I've read about functional medicine and didn't think that "regular people" could do that -- it seems very rare -- but my health system has someone who specializes in it.

 

Long story short, I mainly want to see if I may have fibroids. I have many of the symptoms. If so, my acupuncturist can target that; acupuncture is supposed to be very good for that. (Btw my other blood work a few months ago was all good.)

 

Luckily when I see this doctor I should be on my "good week" (smacking my head at this situation, that a person would have a "good week" each month, lol!!!) and in a good frame of mind, not desperate about the recurring SI. 

 

I've had a couple of really good days! :) :) I'm just really enjoying them. In that way, WD and coming off psych drugs is really a gift. I feel like it gives us a second chance at life. And knowing how precious life is. <3

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 

I've had a couple of really good days! :) :) I'm just really enjoying them. In that way, WD and coming off psych drugs is really a gift. I feel like it gives us a second chance at life. And knowing how precious life is. <3

 

This is really a beautiful attitude, SkyBlue. 

 

I hope everything works out with your functional med doc. 

 

And I hope the really good days continue.  :)

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thank you, Shep! 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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Ηι Skyblue, I read your intro thread.

 

You're doing great, when you are moody do things like going to the gym, taking walks, etc. :)

hope the really good days continue. :)

 

Miko

2011 protracted withdrawal symptoms from Effexor, managed to come off
2013-2015  risperidone consta 50 mg, started tapering from March 2015 to 1,66mg/day and from 02/2015 started seroxat 10mg/day

01/17 Seroxat 2,0mg,olanzapine 5mg,risperidone consta 25mg/every 15days

05/17 Seroxat 1mg,olanzapine 5mg,risp.consta 25mg/every 15days

06/17 Seroxat 2drops,olanzapine 5mg,liquid risperidone2mg

07/17 Seroxat 1 drop,olanzapine 5mg,Risperidone 0mg, 10/17 Seroxat 0mg,olanzapine,5mg,Risperidone 0mg, 12/17 Seroxat 1/2 drop, olanzapine 5mg,  04/18 Olanzapine 1,25mg, 04/18 xanax 0,5mg

24/06/2019 doc said to take 10mg olanzapine for 13days and down to 5mg
 been taking 10mg for 14 days, 5mg for 8 days  and  tapered to  3/4quart. 5mg  for 14 days, 1/2 for 14 days,

01/08/19 2,5mg

08/2021 5mg olanzapine

Supplements Omega 3, Turmeric, Bacopa monneri, Mucuna Pruriens

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Miko! Thanks for stopping by and for your kind words! :) 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi all, 

 

I'm on my Good Week and it feels so great. I can't imagine having any "SI" (suicidal ideation)--how could that ever even enter my head? Of course the pattern has been that it is cyclical so I'm prepared while also trying just to enjoy life. I'm exercising, taking my magnesium which I'm obsessed with, etc. Feeling very grateful. It's amazing how just a Normal Day can feel like absolute heaven once you have been through withdrawal. I think having gone through this, we all have a new perspective on life that is priceless. 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Cleaning up my signature a bit -- here is current signature for my reference. 

 

Long story short: After 18 years on Paxil, "tapered" from 20 to 10 to 5 mg in a month, at doctor's advice. = Essentially a cold-turkey.

*Current*: Jan 1:  .88 mg …. November:  .92 mg. . . August 31: Less than 1mg Paxil! ... July 30: 1 mg Paxil! ! ! And 100 mg Zoloft unfortunately!!  

As of June 2016: Doing 2% cuts weekly (Brassmonkey Slide!).                                                                      

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On Paxil since 1996--anxiety & depression. Worked for a while, but had to keep increasing: 20, 40, 60 mg. 

Spring 2013:  started tapering Paxil: 60mg to 50 mg to 40mg (NO negative effects.)

July 2013-- went from 40 to 30 mg. Some dizziness; nothing major. Starting a new job; paused taper.

June 2014, tapered from 30 to 20 in one week. Horrible. Back to 25mg and stayed for a year!

In June 2015 started a cross-taper, adding 25 mg Zoloft. Paxil to 20mg, to 10, to 5 mg in a month. Akathisia; suicidal thoughts; rage.

September 2015: 4 mg Paxil (liquid)… October 2015: Suicidality -- doctor advised me to go up to 100 mg Zoloft. 

October to December 2015: 4 mg Paxil --> 3 mg --> 2 mg --> 1.6 mg….. January: 1.2 mg. Feb 2016: Found SA!! Now going by 10%.

April 2016: 1.1 mg Paxil. 100 mg Zoloft. More importantly: Vitamin D; fish oil, magnesium; protein; exercise; healthy fats; acupuncture, meditating, & a new doctor.   ***Have you had a sleep study?***    *Feel free to message me if I don't respond to a forum thread.*  

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi all,

 

Went down to 0.86 mg a few days ago. So far just the single-needle-sensation which is pretty consistent with recent, tiny drops.

 

Did have my "worst days" with my hormones, including the "s" thoughts combined with dp/dr; I just kind of white-knuckled it as usual. I'm getting better about reaching out in real life (not saying "suicidal" -- which I technically am not -- but just that I'm feeling "very upset" and am always so pleasantly surprised when people want to support me with kind words, texts and even a friend having me over for dinner. I'm very blessed. :) 

 

This time around I was absolutely religious with magnesium, including taking it in drink form (Natural Calm), topically (lotion), 

topically (spray) and an Epsom salt bath each night. 

 

The result was NO middle-of-the-night rage and suicidality… which I'm so grateful for. 

 

Good news with test results from my doctor. Blood tests including thyroid are all good and we're going to look at the way that will work best for me to help balance the withdrawal-induced-crazy-hormones. 

 

I'm very grateful my body has stuck by me, keeping me alive and I want to take excellent care of it from here on out. :)

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Beautiful update Skyblue - I can hear the love you have for yourself, and it'll get you a long way. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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  • Moderator

((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks so much, KarenB and Brass!!! Right back at ya! (((Hugs!!))) 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Grrr… Oh, you guys! I've been having dp/dr the past couple of days and I am so frustrated and scared because it hasn't happened for a long time. It does make me realize how far I've come because this hasn't happened in a while. I feel disoriented, confused, and in a dream-like state. I'm doing a lot of grounding techniques including breathing, mindfulness, a grounding meditation on youtube, and magnesium. 

 

Kind words appreciated!!!

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator

It's so frustrating when something clears up for a while then comes back. My DR use to do that, hit for a few weeks then go away for a while then come back.  Over time it didn't come back as often or as hard.  It's all part of the healing process.  The brain fixes one thing then goes on to another, only to find that later on the first needs readjusting.  You've had the DR/DP before and made it through, so it's all old hat now.  Not fun to go through, but you know how to handle it and that it will end soon.

 

It's wonderful to hear that you know you've come a long ways in your recovery.  That's the true mile stone that we look for.

 

(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks so much, my dear friend!!! <<<HUGS>>>>>> right back at ya!

 

The dp/dr seems to have cleared for now -- it is lasting for a few hours then always goes away. It definitely is something with the brain and healing because when this happened last evening, I was able to lay down and went *immediately* into REM sleep. 

 

Thanks again, Brass! 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

P.S. This is what it feels like to me when a symptom comes back: 

 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator Emeritus

:D Love it!  All you need to do so add some good ol' foot stomping :P.

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Lol! Love the video, SkyBlue. That's going to be my response the next time a doctor recommends I take a psych drug.  :mad:

 

I'm glad the dp/dr cleared for now and you're feeling better.  :)

 

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks, Karen and Shep! 

 

After 4 days of off-and-on dp/dr, today seems like a good day and I am so glad and so grateful!!!

 

I discovered that when the dp/dr is happening, I (now) know I'll survive, because as Brass pointed about above, it's old hat by now! What gets to me is the feeling of, nooooo! How long is this going to last now? And when will I get back to "real" (i.e., more independence, and working in my career versus something easier for right now) life? Well… that's a lot of pressure. And in the moment, I'm going to try to give myself the permission that: 

 

- I know I'll survive this day because I always have; 

- I don't need to worry beyond surviving this day; 

- I don't need to "figure this out" right now 

- I can do my many collected grounding techniques -- they usually don't make the dp/dr go away, but it's always worth a try, and they can be very validating and help me realize that even though the dp/dr feels really real, I really am right here.

 

Hmm, now that I look at what I just wrote it sounds kind of like I'm trying to calmly talk myself out of dpr/dr and other WD symptoms. That's not it at all -- just giving myself permission to feel safe in the moment based on past experience, and not project "how far will this last" into the future. 

 

I am just so grateful it has passed -- for now. And it's Friday! And Dateline night!! Hugs to all….. <3 

 

2020: After 18+ years (entire adult life) on Paxil, a dangerous doctor-led "taper" in 2015, and four years tapering off the last 1 mg thanks to SA and the Brassmonkey slide, 

I AM COMPLETELY FREE OF PAXIL! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Forever.

 

2021: Began conservative, proper, CNS-respecting taper of Zoloft, led by the only expert on me -- me. Making own liquid. 5-10% plus holds.

2022: Holding on Zoloft for now. Current dose 47 mg. Hanging in, hanging on. Severe protracted PAWS, windows and waves. While I may not be doing "a lot" by outside standards, things are graaaaadually getting better

 

Yoga (gentle to medium); walks; daily breath practice; nutrition, fruits/veg; nature; water; EastEnders (lol); practicing self-compassion, self-care; boundaries; connection; allowing feelings; t r u s t ing that I, too, will heal. (--> may need to be reminded of this.)

"You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story." - Baylissa

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  • Moderator

"just giving myself permission to feel safe in the moment based on past experience, and not project "how far will this last" into the future. "

 

A little practice and you'll have it down pat, excellent attitude.

 

(((((((((HUGS))))))))))

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Skyblue - full marks for you!  Straight to the head of the class :).

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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