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tan: Lost the feeling of love and happiness.. and all other feelings


tan77

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 Just so this makes sense and you understand where I have been and where I am now maybe it will make more sense. Long story very short 2 years ago I got really really sick.. I always had an upset stomach I was always nauseated and at the time I was a Police Officer. It got to the point where I was so sick that I thought I was going to have to quit my job. My anxiety was out of control and I was about to go on anti anxieties.. before I did that I went to a holistic doctor who told me to get off the gluten and see if that helped.

 

Within two weeks I felt so much better. My anxiety was ten million times better that it had been. Although not all of the symtoms are completely gone I did start to feel so much better. I got married to the most amazing man and love of my life in September 2015, we both quit our dream jobs as Police Officers, started new jobs and we moved into a new apartment.  I went to a nurse in October 2015 about having an upset stomach and headaches still.

 

The doctor asked me about my sleep and I told him I havent ever really slept well and that wasnt uncommon in the law enforcement world. He said that if we fixed the sleep that we would fix the other problems.. I believed him and he put me on temazepam and after 2 weeks on that medication my anxiety and depression (saddness and hopelessness) was so bad I quit taking it. I went back in and told him and he said oh okay thats an odd reaction lets put you on a different sleep med Ambien.

 

I regret every day since taking this medication for I am a completely different person. The Ambien effd me up so badly. I was only on it for about 5-6 weeks and I woke up one day feeling NOTHING AT ALL. I didnt have any feelings. I was such a happy, fun, sweet, huge hearted person.. I am now just trying to survive everyday and trying to find where my emotions and feelings went because I feel nothing. The day I woke up feeling nothing at all is the day I started to reflect on my time taking Ambien.. the warning signs..

 

I didnt notice it while it was happening but I would get angry at things and stay angry.. which is not like me.. Things that normally would make me cry or make me happy I didnt react that way and I just thought I was stressed at the time. But after waking up feeling that way I know for a fact it was me slowly losing myself to this drug.

 

I stopped cold turkey taking Ambien and I went through the most insane horriffic withdrawels.. I have never EVER experience anything like it. The shakes.. the crying spells.. the panic attacks.. the confusion.. I was taking the drug as perscribed.. the nurse told me to take it every night. When I went to the doctor after all of this awfulnes they said "well you have only been on it for 2 weeks.. I said uhm no I have been on this drug for 5-6 weeks" the doctor looked at me and was shocked I had been put on this for longer than 2 weeks. Then she said "well we cant prove it is Ambien unless you go back on the drug again" I couldnt even believe what I was hearing.

 

I am sorry I got so in to detail with you about this but I feel like its the only way to help get the entire picture. I have since gone in for an endoscopy, ultra sound and colonoscopy and they only thing they have found is that I do infact have issues with lactose as well.

 

I really dont think I needed the ambein and my husband is so angry at the doctor who perscribed it he wants to sue the doctor for mal practice. Every doctor I have talked to since this whole thing happened doesnt understand why he put me on sleeping meds when that was not my complaint in the first place.

 

I am so afraid I will never get back to who was. I am terrified I am going to be stuck like this forever.. disasociated with my reality and completely lacking any and all emotions. It is killing my marriage my husband loves me and knows me well enough that he tells me.. "honey I know you are trying but you arent here.. I am afraid you dont have any feelings for me anymore" I know I love him. I know I do. But I cant feel anything and its so devastating. This has been the most awful thing I have ever been through.. seriously I just.. I am really struggling.

Edited by KarenB
added paragraph breaks

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi tan,

 

Welcome to SA.  I'm sorry to hear about the situation you are in.  There are many members here who can empathise with you, unfortunately.

 

So that people here are better able to help and offer suggestions it would be good if you could put your drug history in your signature.  Please include dates, drug/s, doses and how you came off.  This will allow us to see your history at a glance each time you post.  How to put your Withdrawal History in Signature

 

You can use your Intro topic to ask questions and to journal your progress.  The members here are very supportive.

 

CC

Please DO NOT TAG me - thank you

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions. 

  MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:    (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq      on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Thank you so much I appreciate your help I have updated my signature.

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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Hi Tan ,I don't post often but wanted you to know you will regain your emotions but it will take some time and patience

One of the drugs I was put on was quetiapine which took away any feeling or emotions I had.Slowly very slowly this got better and that part of my withdrawal symptoms returned to normal 100%

I want you to know you can and will recover,the advice on here is genuine and in most cases from experience so do some reading,hang in there and try rest your tired mind as much as possible

Good luck,God bless

2012 put on Citalopram and diazepam for 3 months for "depression" after filling in a 3 minute form at the doctors, had a massive reaction with panic attacks and extreme anxiety,never suffered panic attacks or anxiety before citalopram.Told to quit cold turkey which led to two hospital admissions during 2012/2013

December for 6 months Seroquel dosage adjusted up and down 50mg ,150mg ,100mg, caused severe tinnitus ,told to quit cold turkey

2013 January for 12 months Lorazapam given to me like sweets,told to quit cold turkey

2013 May Zoloft for 6 months ,told to quit cold turkey, reinstated 50mg tapered 2nd time over a month (to fast but I survived)messed up my sleep

Zyprexa April 2103 5mg until august 2014 ,dropped by doctor down to 2.5mg for one month went well but sleep was very poor for 3 weeks

End of 2015 I had to reinstate back up to 5mg due to constant insomnia that wouldnt go away Started a slow taper and found an understanding doctor who listened to me while I reduced
May 2016 drug free, sleeping and doing well in life again, it can be done http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/

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  • Moderator

Hi Tan--welcome to the group.  I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling or rather not feeling so well.  We have a lot of resources here that may be of help.  Anhedonia can be a real relationship challenge.  I went through that for quite some time.  I learned that even though I couldn't call up or experience the feelings they were still there inside, just not accessible.  At the time I had been happily married for 33 years but couldn't summon up any of the feelings I had for my wife.  I mentioned this and it lead to many "late night discussions".  Once we both understood that it was a manifestation of the drugs things started to improve.  After I had been tapering off of the paxil for a while the feelings slowly started to show them selves, until, now I am more in love with her then ever.  We celebrate number 37 in a couple of weeks.  It's a big test of a relationship, but if the feelings were true in the first place and both people trust each other it is something that can be gotten through and make the relationship all the stronger.

 

As I mentioned we have a lot of information here that will be helpful:

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

Tips for tapering off Z drugs for sleep (Ambien, Imovane, Sonata, Lunesta, Intermezzo, etc.)

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

That will get you started, give those a read and then come back and ask a lot of questions.  Also, Thank you for adding a signature block it really helps to make things clear at a glance so it's easer to be of help.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Hi I am a 24 year old female living in Utah USA. Below is my history and short story of all that has happened so far.

 

Just so this makes sense and you understand where I have been and where I am now maybe it will make more sense. Long story very short 2 years ago I got really really sick.. I always had an upset stomach I was always nauseated and at the time I was a Police Officer. It got to the point where I was so sick that I thought I was going to have to quit my job. My anxiety was out of control and I was about to go on anti anxieties.. before I did that I went to a holistic doctor who told me to get off the gluten and see if that helped.

 

Within two weeks I felt so much better. My anxiety was ten million times better that it had been. Although not all of the symptoms are completely gone I did start to feel so much better. I got married to the most amazing man and love of my life in September 2015, we both quit our dream jobs as Police Officers, started new jobs and we moved into a new apartment.  I went to a nurse in October 2015 about having an upset stomach and headaches still.

 

The doctor asked me about my sleep and I told him I haven't ever really slept well and that wasn't uncommon in the law enforcement world. He said that if we fixed the sleep that we would fix the other problems.. I believed him and he put me on Temazepam and after 2 weeks on that medication my anxiety and depression (sadness and hopelessness) was so bad I quit taking it. I went back in and told him and he said oh okay that's an odd reaction lets put you on a different sleep med Ambien.

 

I regret every day since taking this medication for I am a completely different person. The Ambien effd me up so badly. I was only on it for about 5-6 weeks and I woke up one day feeling NOTHING AT ALL. I didn't have any feelings. I was such a happy, fun, sweet, huge hearted person.. I am now just trying to survive everyday and trying to find where my emotions and feelings went because I feel nothing. The day I woke up feeling nothing at all is the day I started to reflect on my time taking Ambien.. the warning signs..

 

I didn't notice it while it was happening but I would get angry at things and stay angry.. which is not like me.. Things that normally would make me cry or make me happy I didn't react that way and I just thought I was stressed at the time. But after waking up feeling that way I know for a fact it was me slowly losing myself to this drug.

 

I stopped cold turkey taking Ambien and I went through the most insane horrific withdrawals.. I have never EVER experience anything like it. The shakes.. the crying spells.. the panic attacks.. the confusion.. I was taking the drug as prescribed.. the nurse told me to take it every night. When I went to the doctor after all of this awfulness they said "well you have only been on it for 2 weeks.. I said uhm no I have been on this drug for 5-6 weeks" the doctor looked at me and was shocked I had been put on this for longer than 2 weeks. Then she said "well we cant prove it is Ambien unless you go back on the drug again" I couldn't even believe what I was hearing.

 

I am sorry I got so in to detail with you about this but I feel like its the only way to help get the entire picture. I have since gone in for an endoscopy, ultra sound and colonoscopy and they only thing they have found is that I do in fact have issues with lactose as well.

 

I really don't think I needed the Ambien and my husband is so angry at the doctor who prescribed it he wants to sue the doctor for mal practice. Every doctor I have talked to since this whole thing happened doesn't understand why he put me on sleeping meds when that was not my complaint in the first place.

 

I am so afraid I will never get back to who was. I am terrified I am going to be stuck like this forever.. disassociated with my reality and completely lacking any and all emotions. It is killing my marriage my husband loves me and knows me well enough that he tells me.. "honey I know you are trying but you aren't here.. I am afraid you don't have any feelings for me anymore" I know I love him. I know I do. But I cant feel anything and its so devastating. This has been the most awful thing I have ever been through.. seriously I just.. I am really struggling.

 

I know a big question in my husbands mind is how I can still be having issues 3 months after being off of Ambien.. I wonder the same thing. If any one has advise on: if this is possible.. and if so how does this happen.. is it common?

 

Thank you in advance.

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

Link to comment

Hi Tan ,I don't post often but wanted you to know you will regain your emotions but it will take some time and patience

One of the drugs I was put on was quetiapine which took away any feeling or emotions I had.Slowly very slowly this got better and that part of my withdrawal symptoms returned to normal 100%

I want you to know you can and will recover,the advice on here is genuine and in most cases from experience so do some reading,hang in there and try rest your tired mind as much as possible

Good luck,God bless

Hi Andy,

 

Thank you so much for replying and thank you for your advise. I am so sorry you have been through the same thing.. this is such an awful experience. I know most likely because I am in the middle of it I am having a very hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and its really freaking me out. How long did you suffer with these symptoms? did they last past the drug being in your system?

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

Link to comment

Hi Tan--welcome to the group.  I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling or rather not feeling so well.  We have a lot of resources here that may be of help.  Anhedonia can be a real relationship challenge.  I went through that for quite some time.  I learned that even though I couldn't call up or experience the feelings they were still there inside, just not accessible.  At the time I had been happily married for 33 years but couldn't summon up any of the feelings I had for my wife.  I mentioned this and it lead to many "late night discussions".  Once we both understood that it was a manifestation of the drugs things started to improve.  After I had been tapering off of the paxil for a while the feelings slowly started to show them selves, until, now I am more in love with her then ever.  We celebrate number 37 in a couple of weeks.  It's a big test of a relationship, but if the feelings were true in the first place and both people trust each other it is something that can be gotten through and make the relationship all the stronger.

 

As I mentioned we have a lot of information here that will be helpful:

 

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

Tips for tapering off Z drugs for sleep (Ambien, Imovane, Sonata, Lunesta, Intermezzo, etc.)

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

That will get you started, give those a read and then come back and ask a lot of questions.  Also, Thank you for adding a signature block it really helps to make things clear at a glance so it's easer to be of help.

Hi Thank you so much for replying. I am so unbelievably grateful to hear that my feelings and emotions are still inside just not accessible. When you tapered off the drug how long after the drug was in your system did you still have issues with Anhedonia? I am so happy for you. Really happy 37 years! I believe this is the hardest thing I have even been through and I know for him he also feels the same way. Although he does not know I truly have no feelings whatsoever right now.. I hope I can muster up the courage to tell him that is how bad it is.. that I cant feel love.

I can tell you I have never ever been so inlove and so happy in my life. People who attended our wedding a short 6 months ago still talk about it and tear up.. they have all asked for our vows. We had a very intimate wedding with family only and they all wanted to renew their vows after. I say that just to help you know that the feelings are true and were true in the first place as everyone else could see it and feel it as much as we can (or for me could)

I will read the links you have attached. Thank you again! I hope to stay in touch

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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  • Moderator

I just noticed a reference to Wellbutrin in your signature.  What's the story with that, it could be a strong factor in what is going on.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Link to comment

 

Hi Tan ,I don't post often but wanted you to know you will regain your emotions but it will take some time and patience

One of the drugs I was put on was quetiapine which took away any feeling or emotions I had.Slowly very slowly this got better and that part of my withdrawal symptoms returned to normal 100%

I want you to know you can and will recover,the advice on here is genuine and in most cases from experience so do some reading,hang in there and try rest your tired mind as much as possible

Good luck,God bless

Hi Andy,

 

Thank you so much for replying and thank you for your advise. I am so sorry you have been through the same thing.. this is such an awful experience. I know most likely because I am in the middle of it I am having a very hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and its really freaking me out. How long did you suffer with these symptoms? did they last past the drug being in your system?

 

Hi Tan I was bounced around on different drugs and took off them cold turkey so its hard to say how long each symptom lasted after each drug was stopped.I suppose it took a good 18 months to get rid of the emotionless feeling.One thing I have learnt is not to put a timescale on things it will only frustrate you and increase anxiety.My current taper is successful because I am not going by a diary and drop a dose when I have felt comfortable for a while then I add some more time to be sure.Try not to dwell on the negatives and forget why or how you got here just concentrate on getting better and get as much rest as possible

2012 put on Citalopram and diazepam for 3 months for "depression" after filling in a 3 minute form at the doctors, had a massive reaction with panic attacks and extreme anxiety,never suffered panic attacks or anxiety before citalopram.Told to quit cold turkey which led to two hospital admissions during 2012/2013

December for 6 months Seroquel dosage adjusted up and down 50mg ,150mg ,100mg, caused severe tinnitus ,told to quit cold turkey

2013 January for 12 months Lorazapam given to me like sweets,told to quit cold turkey

2013 May Zoloft for 6 months ,told to quit cold turkey, reinstated 50mg tapered 2nd time over a month (to fast but I survived)messed up my sleep

Zyprexa April 2103 5mg until august 2014 ,dropped by doctor down to 2.5mg for one month went well but sleep was very poor for 3 weeks

End of 2015 I had to reinstate back up to 5mg due to constant insomnia that wouldnt go away Started a slow taper and found an understanding doctor who listened to me while I reduced
May 2016 drug free, sleeping and doing well in life again, it can be done http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12078-finally-off-zyprexa/

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I just noticed a reference to Wellbutrin in your signature.  What's the story with that, it could be a strong factor in what is going on.

After the issues with the Ambien and the depression/anhedonia  not going away 1-2 months after I was off of the medication I went and saw a Psychiatrist on February 2nd 2016 due to how bad everything is and he prescribed the Wellbutrin the same day and diagnosed me with major depressive disorder.

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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Hi Tan .     So, you've been on  Wellbutrin for 24 days ?   What dosage are you on ?   You will get through this , one step at a time.

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • Moderator

Hey Tan-- Thanks for the information, that helps.  The pdoc didn't do you any favors.  you do not have major depressive disorder. You're in Withdrawal from the several drugs you took in November even though you didn't take them for very long.  From what you describe you had an adverse reaction to them from the start which was compounded by the abrupt way you stopped taking them.  Then the Wellbutrin was thrown into the mix and the personality changes started to kick up.  So it looks like this whole thing is drug related.  Small conciliation because it still is very unpleasant, but at least it explains what is going on.

 

Now what to do about it.  I'm not well versed in dealing with benzos and benzo like drugs. but we do have a resident expert named Wellness who can help with that aspect.

 

It looks to me that the real problems started with the Wellbutrin.  It has a bad reputation for just the sort of symptoms you are talking about.  Do not just quit taking it.  Because you've been on it for several months it will have to be tapered off of so as to not compound the symptoms.  What's the dose you're taking?  As you reduce the dose the things you're feeling or rather not feeling will correct themselves and move back to normal.  Here's some information of tapering the Wellbutrin:

 

Tips for tapering off Wellbutrin, SR, XR, XL (buproprion)

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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'I am so afraid I will never get back to who was. I am terrified I am going to be stuck like this forever.. disasociated with my reality and completely lacking any and all emotions. It is killing my marriage my husband loves me and knows me well enough that he tells me.. "honey I know you are trying but you arent here.. I am afraid you dont have any feelings for me anymore" I know I love him. I know I do. But I cant feel anything and its so devastating. This has been the most awful thing I have ever been through.. seriously I just.. I am really struggling."

 

a video for you 

 

drugs change our brains which change ability to love and feel committed... 

lots about this and the marriages destroyed thread here at SA

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-acute-withdrawal_syndrome

 

Has anyone else heard of this? I am thinking this is what is wrong with me as part of whats been going on.

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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Hey Tan-- Thanks for the information, that helps.  The pdoc didn't do you any favors.  you do not have major depressive disorder. You're in Withdrawal from the several drugs you took in November even though you didn't take them for very long.  From what you describe you had an adverse reaction to them from the start which was compounded by the abrupt way you stopped taking them.  Then the Wellbutrin was thrown into the mix and the personality changes started to kick up.  So it looks like this whole thing is drug related.  Small conciliation because it still is very unpleasant, but at least it explains what is going on.

 

Now what to do about it.  I'm not well versed in dealing with benzos and benzo like drugs. but we do have a resident expert named Wellness who can help with that aspect.

 

It looks to me that the real problems started with the Wellbutrin.  It has a bad reputation for just the sort of symptoms you are talking about.  Do not just quit taking it.  Because you've been on it for several months it will have to be tapered off of so as to not compound the symptoms.  What's the dose you're taking?  As you reduce the dose the things you're feeling or rather not feeling will correct themselves and move back to normal.  Here's some information of tapering the Wellbutrin:

 

Tips for tapering off Wellbutrin, SR, XR, XL (buproprion)

Thank you so much for responding. I don't have a history of mental illness and I really think you are right that I don't have major depressive disorder. I think its odd that the doctors I have seen (family medicine, psychiatrist) just skip over the ambien issue with the sever withdrawals I experienced. I stopped cold turkey because I was told to by a nurse and I also had no idea what to do when I woke up feeling nothing so I stopped everything that had any effect on the brain. I stopped drinking coffee and I haven't had alcohol since before all of this mess but I have decided to be completely done with that as well. I just freaked out I didn't want to take anything that had any effect on the mind.

It feels nice to at least know what has caused this issue. I will read the thread you attached thank you for providing that.

I will have to look at the dose but I don't believe its a high dose because I told the Psychiatrist that I do not react well on medications (obviously) and that I was afraid to take an anti depressant. I haven't noticed if the Wellbutrin is causing more issues but I was definitely feeling this way before the Wellbutrin.

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi tan , welcome.

 

What dose of wellbutrin are you taking?    

I agree that you don't have a mental illness / major depressive disorder , but the wellbutrin may be helping dampen

your ambien withdrawal.     

Do you feel stable enough to begin to think about tapering?

 

bw ,  Fresh

1987-1997 pertofran , prothiaden , Prozac 1997-2002 Zoloft 2002-2004 effexor 2004-2010 Lexapro 40mg

2010-2012Cymbalta 120mg

Sept. 2012 -decreased 90mg in 6months. Care taken over by Dr Lucire in March 2013 , decreased last 30mg at 2mg per week over 3 months. July 21 , 2013- last dose of Cymbalta

Protracted withdrawal syndrome kicked in badly Jan.2014 Unrelenting akathisia until May 2014. Voluntary hosp. admission. Cocktail of Seroquel, Ativan and mirtazapine and I was well enough to go home after 14 days. Stopped all hosp. meds in next few months.

July 2014 felt v.depressed - couldn't stop crying. Started pristiq 50mg. Felt improvement within days and continued to improve, so stayed on 50mg for 8 months.

Began taper 28 Feb. 2015. Pristiq 50mg down to 45mg. Had one month of w/d symptoms. Started CES therapy in March. No w/d symptoms down to 30mg.

October 2015 , taking 25mg Pristiq. Capsules compounded with slow-release additive.

March 2016 , 21mg

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honey, I totally feel for you I was put on antidepressants, so different to you but my life is exactly the same as you describe. a hole of nothingness. I cant even feel the love for my husband and two children. I have to wean off medication that ive only been on for 4 weeks due to these awful side effects and others. it is total mal practice for a doctor to prescribe these meds they are dangerous. doctors must work on commission with the amount of antidepressants and anxiety meds etc... that thry prescribe

 

something that someone said to me on here that helped was. This is not you, you are not going crazy, you are merely reacting to powerful drugs that you are taking..

 

peace

Sertaline 50mg tapered off over a month. Peroxatine 40mg taken off immediately by hospital Seroquel 50mg stopped immediately Mirtazipina 30mg started tapering as advised by the doctor half for 3 days then stop.  Advice from this site said taper at 10% so currently taking 27mg for a few weeks

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  • Moderator

Well, that means we can count out the Wellbutrin as the cause. It will still have to be tapered carefully though.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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honey, I totally feel for you I was put on antidepressants, so different to you but my life is exactly the same as you describe. a hole of nothingness. I cant even feel the love for my husband and two children. I have to wean off medication that ive only been on for 4 weeks due to these awful side effects and others. it is total mal practice for a doctor to prescribe these meds they are dangerous. doctors must work on commission with the amount of antidepressants and anxiety meds etc... that thry prescribe

 

something that someone said to me on here that helped was. This is not you, you are not going crazy, you are merely reacting to powerful drugs that you are taking..

 

peace

Thank you so much for reaching out to me and sharing your experience - no matter the journey to getting to destination "no more feelings" it is the hardest thing I have ever experience and I don't doubt its the hardest thing you have ever experienced. Thank you for sharing your love and support I will try to continue to remember I am not going crazy even when it feels like my world has crumbled around me.

 

All my love xo

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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Hi Tan ,I don't post often but wanted you to know you will regain your emotions but it will take some time and patience

One of the drugs I was put on was quetiapine which took away any feeling or emotions I had.Slowly very slowly this got better and that part of my withdrawal symptoms returned to normal 100%

I want you to know you can and will recover,the advice on here is genuine and in most cases from experience so do some reading,hang in there and try rest your tired mind as much as possible

Good luck,God bless

Hi Andy,

 

Thank you so much for replying and thank you for your advise. I am so sorry you have been through the same thing.. this is such an awful experience. I know most likely because I am in the middle of it I am having a very hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and its really freaking me out. How long did you suffer with these symptoms? did they last past the drug being in your system?

 

Hi Tan I was bounced around on different drugs and took off them cold turkey so its hard to say how long each symptom lasted after each drug was stopped.I suppose it took a good 18 months to get rid of the emotionless feeling.One thing I have learnt is not to put a timescale on things it will only frustrate you and increase anxiety.My current taper is successful because I am not going by a diary and drop a dose when I have felt comfortable for a while then I add some more time to be sure.Try not to dwell on the negatives and forget why or how you got here just concentrate on getting better and get as much rest as possible

 

Thank you for the great advice I will continue to try to be patient and not focus on how much time as gone by and been wasted by this drug issue. I am really trying to stay positive. -- Really I do appreciate your advise I want you to know I am so grateful to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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Hi Tan .     So, you've been on  Wellbutrin for 24 days ?   What dosage are you on ?   You will get through this , one step at a time.

I have been on 150 but my psych wants me to up to 300. Thank you so much I have hope.

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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Well, that means we can count out the Wellbutrin as the cause. It will still have to be tapered carefully though.

It is so weird because I talked with him about the post acute withdrawal or the fact that the Ambien has effected me so much he just said there is not enough scientific evidence behind that part. He said he doesn't doubt it had an effect but its almost like doctors don't know how to deal with the effects of certain drugs on the mind. He suggested upping my Wellbutrin from 150 to 300. He also suggested that if this does not work to do Ketamine treatments.. Have you ever heard of this? It seems so odd. Apparently they are starting to use it to treat depression because it works on the glutamine system in the brain.  

 

All and all I seriously don't know what I am supposed to do. I feel very confused.

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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'I am so afraid I will never get back to who was. I am terrified I am going to be stuck like this forever.. disasociated with my reality and completely lacking any and all emotions. It is killing my marriage my husband loves me and knows me well enough that he tells me.. "honey I know you are trying but you arent here.. I am afraid you dont have any feelings for me anymore" I know I love him. I know I do. But I cant feel anything and its so devastating. This has been the most awful thing I have ever been through.. seriously I just.. I am really struggling."

 

a video for you 

 

drugs change our brains which change ability to love and feel committed... 

lots about this and the marriages destroyed thread here at SA

Hi thank you so much for responding and thank you for attaching that video. I am not going to lie it has made me even more nervous. Can this really change me forever?

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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What dose are you on , now  ?   Can you make your " Sig " , a little more clear .   This makes it easier . Are you still on Wellbutrin?  150mg?  Don't be concerned about your Doctor. Read around this site. Get educated, and tell your Doctor what you want . Not the other way around .

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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What dose are you on , now  ?   Can you make your " Sig " , a little more clear .   This makes it easier . Are you still on Wellbutrin?  150mg?  Don't be concerned about your Doctor. Read around this site. Get educated, and tell your Doctor what you want . Not the other way around .

I have 4 more pills that are 150 and he then wants me to take 300. I updated my signature.. is it better now?

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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Tan.     Yes . Thank you .  Why would you go up in dosage ?  You don't have Major Depressive Disorder. There is no such thing !  That would double the amount you have to taper off !

Have you read " Anatomy of an Epidemic" .  Robert Whittaker.  or seen any of Dr Peter Breggin's  You tube video's ?  If you haven't  - you should !

You will get back to the person you were , if you taper off the drugs !!  ( slowly ) .

So sorry for what you are going through. This can be rough on partners & husbands.

I would not go the route of your doctor.  I would stop & stabilize, for a good while.  Then , when you feel ready , ( no symptoms )  start tapering , using the 10 %  tapering method. You can pretty much disregard anything your doctor says , as he probably has no clue.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/

Ali

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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  • Moderator

Hi Tan-- To me it looks like your doctor has no concept of what is happening.  I would avoid the Ketamine.  It is a very fast acting drug used for anesthesia that is only effective for half an hour and then causes intense rebound depression, anxiety and all the other symptoms we know and loth.  It does not play well with the drugs you are taking and the full range of drugs we discuss on this site.  I think it will only cause you a lot of grief and discomfort.

 

Do not increase the Welbutrin.  It's doing nothing for you right now and needs to be tapered off of, sooner rather than later.  You've only been on it for a few weeks so you should be able to fast taper it with a minimum of problems. Probably 25mg every two weeks, but pay attention to your symptoms.

 

Zolpidem  works in he same manner as Benzos do and is frequently classified as such.  Unfortunately the several weeks you ware taking it was enough to let it get its claws into you and the CT didn't help matters.  Frequently reinstating a small amount of the drug will help control the symptoms.  It's been several months so it would be best to start very small, say with 1mg a day and see how that goes.  Some people report feeling better with in hours, but it takes four days for the drug to become steady state in the blood and during that time symptoms can be very random.  Once the drug is steady state the brain can start to make adjustments and sort things out.  It can then take several weeks for the symptoms to subside.

 

Adjusting two medications at the same time is not a good idea because you can't tell which medication is causing what symptom.  I would try reinstating the zolpidem first to help mitigate your symptoms and then once you're stable there to start the Welbutrin taper.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Hi everyone - First I want to say thank you for responding to me and giving your valuable input and love. I really really do appreciate it.

 

I have talked with my husband and I have told him that I cant feel love for him or anyone or anything. It was really really hard but he actually took it pretty okay. He has been having a hard time the last couple of days but I feel so much better that I can talk openly about how I have been feeling or not feeling. I also talked to him about maybe going off anti depressants all together and seeing what happens.. I am so scared either way but I do think that trying it may be better than upping the dose and staying on it. I just wanted to ask being off of the meds what does it feel like.. do you go really low again?

 

Sorry I just feel like I have been told so many different things its so difficult to sift through everything.

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

Link to comment

"Hi thank you so much for responding and thank you for attaching that video. I am not going to lie it has made me even more nervous. Can this really change me forever?"

 

Not so much forever but drugs do affect our emotional connections.

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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"Hi thank you so much for responding and thank you for attaching that video. I am not going to lie it has made me even more nervous. Can this really change me forever?"

 

Not so much forever but drugs do affect our emotional connections.

 

This includes Z drugs like Ambien?

 

Do the emotional connections come back?

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

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Hi Tan-- Well done on talking to DH about the problems.  It is a very scary step to take, but it sounds like he is trying to be understanding.  Keeping the communications open is one of the big keys to getting through this.  Given time emotions do return to normal.  Please refer back to my first post #5.

 

Z drugs work vary similar to benzos so cause all the same problems.  People recover from them in the same manner.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Hi Tan-- Well done on talking to DH about the problems.  It is a very scary step to take, but it sounds like he is trying to be understanding.  Keeping the communications open is one of the big keys to getting through this.  Given time emotions do return to normal.  Please refer back to my first post #5.

 

Z drugs work vary similar to benzos so cause all the same problems.  People recover from them in the same manner.

So sorry I just looked back at #5 thank you for helping me remember about that.

 

I am so sorry to do this but I am really struggling.. I am having the hardest time right this second. I feel so disconnected as each day passes. My husband thinks I don't want to be with him anymore.. I don't know I am just stuck in the "I don't care mode" no matter what I do. I am trying to get myself to be concerned about all the bad things that are happening and I just cant. I just want to feel love for my husband. I just want to be myself again. I am so so lost and frustrated.. I just don't know what to do anymore. I am just sitting at my desk at work drowning in files and crying because I just am so done feeling this way. I just want my life back. I want me back.

I was prescribed Temazepam in October 2015 shortly after I stopped taking it because it was causing anxiety and depression

I was then prescribed Zolpidem the generic for Ambien. I was on that for 5-6 weeks and woke up one day November 2015 feeling absolutely nothing and my memory was gone.

I went through horrific withdrawals.. the shakes.. crying spells.. feeling like I was going to die.. wanting to die because of the end of the world felt like it was coming..

I still to this day do not have the ability to feel any emotions or feelings. I cant feel love, happiness.. nothing.

I have never been put on any type of anti depressants or been diagnosed with a mental illness before this time. I was just recently diagnosed with major depressive order after this awful experience and put on Wellbutrin 150 February 2nd 2016.

The doctor wants me to up this dose to Wellbutrin 300 as of March 2nd 2016. He also wants me to try Ketamine Treatments..? (PLEASE GIVE ANY ADVICE ON THIS)

With in 3 months Nov2015-Feb2016 I have become a completely different person.

I am very discouraged. I am afraid I will never be the same person ever again. I am worried I will never be able to feel love or give love again.

Link to comment

"Hi thank you so much for responding and thank you for attaching that video. I am not going to lie it has made me even more nervous. Can this really change me forever?"

 

Not so much forever but drugs do affect our emotional connections.

I don't know about Z drugs sorry.

WARNING THIS WILL BE LONG
Had a car accident in 85
Codeine was the pain med when I was release from hosp continuous use till 89
Given PROZAC by a specialist to help with nerve pain in my leg 89-90 not sure which year
Was not told a thing about it being a psych med thought it was a pain killer no info about psych side effects I went nuts had hallucinations. As I had a head injury and was diagnosed with a concussion in 85 I was sent to a head injury clinic in 1990 five years after the accident. I don't think they knew I had been on prozac I did not think it a big deal and never did finish the bottle of pills. I had tests of course lots of them. Was put into a pain clinic and given amitriptyline which stopped the withdrawal but had many side effects. But I could sleep something I had not done in a very long time the pain lessened. My mother got cancer in 94 they switched my meds to Zoloft to help deal with this pressure as I was her main care giver she died in 96. I stopped zoloft in 96 had withdrawal was put on paxil went nutty quit it ct put on resperidol quit it ct had withdrawal was put on Effexor... 2years later celexa was added 20mg then increased to 40mg huge personality change went wild. Did too fast taper off Celexa 05 as I felt unwell for a long time prior... quit Effexor 150mg ct 07 found ****** 8 months into withdrawal learned some things was banned from there in 08 have kept learning since. there is really not enough room here to put my history but I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things especially any of the drugs mentioned above.
One thing I would like to add here is this tidbit ALL OPIATES INCREASE SEROTONIN it is not a huge jump to being in chronic pain to being put on an ssri/snri and opiates will affect your antidepressants and your thinking.

As I do not update much I will put my quit date Nov. 17 2007 I quit Effexor cold turkey. 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1096-introducing-myself-btdt/

There is a crack in everything ..That's how the light gets in :)

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  • Moderator

" I don't know I am just stuck in the "I don't care mode" no matter what I do."

 

It's one of the more frustrating parts of going through this, I describe it as "not caring enough to not give a s***".  It's all caused b the drugs and there isn't much that can be done about it.  The fact that you're frustrated by it shows that there are some emotions lurking in there somewhere.  Fighting it, however, will just increase the frustration. Giving in and rolling with it will make things a lot less stressful.  This process moves a glacial speed but it does get there in the end and the feelings of love will return and having survived this trial will be stronger than ever.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Hi Tan, I'm going through the exact same thing. Please listen to brass monkey, he has really helped me. You will get your feelings back, it will take a lot of time but I promise you will. Hang on♡

Started Prozac 20 MG March 2014-Sept 2014

New doctor switched me to Lexapro 10 MG and it helped from Sept 2014-Feb 2015 and then I felt the Lexapro wasn't helping as much so he changed the dose to 20 MG and I took that from Feb 2015-July 2015 when I decided to get off pills completely.I had to reinstate as I was feeling so bad and very pressured to go back on pills. My Dr put me on 50 MG zoloft and I took it for about a week..made me feel brain dead. Went down to 25 before I really learned the trouble of fast tapering..finally got a jewelry scale to properly weigh out my pills. Looking to just feel OK. Unsure where to go next.

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