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tan: Lost the feeling of love and happiness.. and all other feelings


tan77

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Tan...you are going to be okay.  You will heal.  It will take time. And the others are right...once you learn to accept your symptoms and learn some coping mechanisms, things will become easier for you.  You will start to function better.  But it will take time.  I have just begun coming to terms with mine, and I feel like I am finally starting to make some progress.  I have moments/days where I feel hopeless, but then moments/days when I have hope.  I think I see a small light at the end of the tunnel.  It took a very long time for me to see any light. 

 

Do not worry about the issues with your husband, and please have him read your thread.  Tell him not to worry.  That you do love him, but that the drugs have hidden this love...not only your love for him, but your love for anything.  That is what happens.  All he needs to do right now is try and be there for you and have patience along with you.  I hope you have a caring and understanding husband.  It can be hard to come by, and people do get tired...

 

I have struggled with anhedonia as well.  I posted about it on my thread also.  It terrified me.  I have two children, who are my entire world (and yes, I love my husband also ;) )...I was not even able to feel love for them.  My whole world...I've had to "fake" it....for their sakes.  It still remains, but I feel as though my feelings of love and caring for others is slowly returning.  I see glimmers of it, depending on if I am in a wave and how bad it is (or isn't).  It has been almost 6 months into my journey.  I have severe disconnect and anxiety at times, brain fog, confusion, dizziness, nausea........the list goes on.

 

Please educate your husband and keep him in the loop about this.  I think it is incredibly hard for others to understand who have not been through this.  My husband was very caring, understanding and helpful at first.  But he has been the primary caregiver for our children, and had to do most of the housework and cooking since this all began.  It is wearing on him now and affecting our relationship very negatively.  He needs constant reminders.  Of course, household issues add to our stress load, which is not helpful when we are trying to recover from this.  Most people (spouses, other family members) do not understand that either.  Try and educate parents or siblings as well.  It is very helpful to have a good support system. 

 

Try to maintain as stress free and calm of an environment as possible.  Understand that your body might be hyper sensitive now...I have found that I can no longer go grocery shopping where there is fluorescent lighting...sugar and high carbs have a negative effect on me...I am unable to take OTC meds such as even ibuprofen. I don't even attempt caffeine or alcohol... Just be cautious.  Do as much as you can to heal your body.  Acupuncture has helped me. 

 

Anytime you feel hopeless, just post here...it helps tremendously just to hear from others who understand what you're going through that you WILL be okay.  You might need reminders. 

History of Wellbutrin, Neurontin, Buspar, Paxil and others in 1990's - teenage years

Xanax .5 mg as needed 2010-2015

One injection of Haldol in ER 10/9/2015 - dystonic reaction (ongoing issues)

One 50 mg pill Zoloft 10/31/15 adverse reaction/s that are ongoing

Xanax .125 mg every 3 hours as needed, .25 mg at bedtime 1/8/16-1/21/16Xanax .25 mg every 3 hours (1.25 mg/day) 1/22/16 - 2/9/16Xanax .25 mg/5 times a day (1.25 mg/day) starting 2/10/16, then tried 6 times/day (2x.25, 4x.1875)Xanax .25 mg/6 times a day (1.5 mg/day) starting 2/19/16

Tapering off of Xanax, switching to Diazepam, starting June 29, 2016, then starting taper soon there after

Completed Xanax taper early Sept 2016, crossover to 20 mg/day Diazepam

Currently at 2 mg Diazepam/day = 1 mg bedtime, 1 mg morning

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Great post crhawk, it is just what I needed to read for myself today. It will get better for all of us.

10 years citalopram 30mg- tapered down in December 15/2015- Jan 15/2016 to 20mg for two weeks, ten for one week and five for another week, then stopped, less then two weeks later, sheer hell broke lose with debilitating withdrawal symptoms.

 

Update-- reinstated 5mg of celexa on feb 5-- within hours noticed immediate difference in WD symptoms-- Holding holding and more holding.

 

Updose- March 23/16 too 10mg- relieved the harsher head symptoms- current symptoms headaches, dizzy, numbness and tingling in my head.

 

Benzos- 2015-Ativan on and off for 6 months 2mg- switched to clonazepam nov 2015- 2mg till Jan 2016 Zopiclone 7.5mg nov-dec 2015- was tapered off over 4weeks- Currently in protracted withdrawal. ????????????????????????????????

 

Update- ended up in the hospital April 18/16 major suicidal ( never had that before) was admitted/ been there ever since, put me back to full dose celexa 30mg no drugs added, IAM FINALLY STABLE AFTER 3 months of tortuous hell. Got a great physiatrist that new all about WD, he will help me taper properly in a couple of months at 5% deductions holding 8 weeks. I never want to relive that hell again.

 

Udate- stable and holding, doing things slowly is key.

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