Managing anger

[alexjuice]

Mod note August 2018:

Please also see: 

Neuro-emotions

and extracted from the first post of the ^ above link: 

For many reasons, our emotions are on a hair-trigger, amplified, and perseverative. We probably don't even know all of what's going on physically yet, but it includes diminished prefrontal lobe executive functions, rebound amygdala, dysregulated HPA, over-active adrenals, etc.

(thank you Healing, 2011)

Dealing with Emotional Spirals

Phases of SSRI withdrawal

Dealing with anger during SSRI withdrawal

Lalochezia! The cursing thread.

And please be careful out there while self regulation is off.  Breathe, pause and.........  if need be, ask for help from another educated enough around withdrawal for help, for help with self control.  Avoid situations temporarily where you might feel provoked.  Please be safe and cautious out there!

Adding in this 12 module, online tutorial:  Anger and Irritability Management Skills (aims), from the U.S. Department of  Veterans Affairs

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

I still struggle with "stress", specifically dealing with anger. When I disagree with others, or am in a conflict situation (everyday verbal disagreement type stuff) I feel a tremendous surge of "something". I feel like my anger becomes so powerful it can consume me. I can contain myself but, inside, I am burning up.

 

I feel completely overwhelmed and unable to react or counteract appropriately.

 

In the early stages this presented with anxiety and fear. Now this overwhelming emotional response centers more around conflict.

 

For instance, I went to a group therapy session where I was corrected by the psychologist. I was talking about my relationship with my former psychiatrist and said I was comforted by the fact that I could speak about him confidentially. The facilitator corrected me and said she could contact my shrink to discuss my case at her discretion. I was surprised by this, and casually said i didn't think i'd signed a release for that. She said that a release made no difference but that I didn't need to worry b/c she wouldn't call him.

 

This was all very cordial but I felt this terrible upswell of anger. It was an amount of anger that I couldn't really handle. Had I continued to press my point, that she needs my written permission to communicate the contents of my therapy session to third parties, I felt like I would have blown my top and started literally shaking and cursing and just basically blowing a gasket!

 

It's like I could feel the popcorn bag swelling in the microwave and I only had seconds to turn off the power before the paper gave way and popcorn shot off in all directions with random, violent force.

 

Anyone have these overwhelming bursts of anger?

 

Alex

Edited November 23, 2019 by manymoretodays
mod note, added aims and wordpress links

[compsports]

I still struggle with "stress", specifically dealing with anger. When I disagree with others, or am in a conflict situation (everyday verbal disagreement type stuff) I feel a tremendous surge of "something". I feel like my anger becomes so powerful it can consume me. I can contain myself but, inside, I am burning up.

 

I feel completely overwhelmed and unable to react or counteract appropriately.

 

In the early stages this presented with anxiety and fear. Now this overwhelming emotional response centers more around conflict.

 

For instance, I went to a group therapy session where I was corrected by the psychologist. I was talking about my relationship with my former psychiatrist and said I was comforted by the fact that I could speak about him confidentially. The facilitator corrected me and said she could contact my shrink to discuss my case at her discretion. I was surprised by this, and casually said i didn't think i'd signed a release for that. She said that a release made no difference but that I didn't need to worry b/c she wouldn't call him.

 

This was all very cordial but I felt this terrible upswell of anger. It was an amount of anger that I couldn't really handle. Had I continued to press my point, that she needs my written permission to communicate the contents of my therapy session to third parties, I felt like I would have blown my top and started literally shaking and cursing and just basically blowing a gasket!

 

It's like I could feel the popcorn bag swelling in the microwave and I only had seconds to turn off the power before the paper gave way and popcorn shot off in all directions with random, violent force.

 

Anyone have these overwhelming bursts of anger?

 

Alex

 

Hi Alex,

 

Personally, I think that facilitator is full of garbage. Just my unprofessional opinion.

 

Yesterday, I discovered my subway card needed additional money as I attempted to enter the fare gate. Let's just say I reacted very inappropriately when the machines didn't work. I was literally exhausted for various reasons and just couldn't tolerate what "normal" people would experience as minor inconveniences. As an FYI, when I get to that point, all h-ll breaks lose.

 

Afterwards, I was so embarrassed that I had reacted that way and need to make sure I check my fare card more frequently.

 

Actually, you had alot more reason to be upset than I did as it seems you were dealing with a mental health professional who was threatening to act unethically.

 

CS

[Baxter]

Alex, I tend to get very angry very quickly, and am extremely irritable. I have found that meditating and exercising regularly seem to keep the incidents further apart, but I feel you. When I feel that I am being disrespected or treated unfairly, I go from fairly aimiable to absolutely furious in seconds.

 

About your psychologist's comment: I believe that CS is correct, it is illegal to discuss you with your former psychiatrist without your signature on a release. It could be that you signed a release at the start of the program that she feels covers that odd contingency of speaking to a doc that you fired because he was stoned and inappropriate. Since I think that the therapist-client relationship is supposed to be an alliance, I wonder at and am offended by her high-handedness. I am tempted to interpret his/her statement as some kind of power/dominance display. Picture gorrilla thumping chest or beating the ground with a large tree branch. Or putting you in your place as a patient(?).Picture Nurse Rachet. At any rate, I am not sure what she was trying to convey to you and the whole group, but it sounds like a reference to his/her superiority and your helplessness before her might.

 

I think you have complained before about this group and leader...I'm sorry that there is no better option available to you.

[alexjuice]

It's a bit complicated.

 

The group leader knew me when I was very irrational (on Drugs) and seems to not be able to relate to me as I am today.

 

I appreciate your input around the particulars, but for me being right or wrong wasn't as disturbing as my inability to handle my feelings. I couldn't believe how scared I got by how angry I became... it's like the feeling I get when I take a supplement and have a crazy reaction. It's a feeling that my brain is outofcontrol and I have no idea what'll happen next. Awful.

 

I think that meditation and exercise are good ideas. I've started walking again.

 

It's hard to imagine living life without being capable of reasonably resolving conflicts, so I hope to find some ways to respond within myself.

 

Thanks for the help

[alexjuice]

It's a bit complicated.

 

The group leader knew me when I was very irrational (on Drugs) and seems to not be able to relate to me as I am today.

 

I appreciate your input around the particulars, but for me being right or wrong wasn't as disturbing as my inability to handle my feelings. I know she won't call him -- they don't have a good relationship. I don't really care if she did. Of course, I felt that she was wrong and was, as you suggest, somewhat reminding me who was the PhD psychologist and who was the patient; and that one of us makes these sorts of decisions and i'm not the one. This is, i think, part of our history. Long story.

 

Though on the group: I thought it would be helpful to return to an old therapeutic environment. Turns out it's not been. The facilitator has a lot of preconceived notions about me, therapy, shrinks, etc... and the location is unmanageably far from where i live. It's not working out and, barring a change of heart in the next day, I am going to cut my losses.

 

That said, I am more concerned about my emotional instability. I couldn't believe how scared I got by how angry I became... it's like the feeling I get when I take a supplement and have a crazy reaction. It's a feeling that my brain is outofcontrol and I have no idea what'll happen next. Awful.

 

I think that meditation and exercise are good ideas. I've started walking again.

 

It's hard to imagine living life without being capable of reasonably resolving conflicts, so I hope to find some ways to respond within myself.

 

Thanks for the help

[Phil]

I can relate to this, as I had a similar episode yesterday. It was a simple disagreement with my friend, which escalated a bit too far. I felt I couldn't stop myself getting angry and more and more wound up.

I also felt upset afterwards at my irrational reactions.

 

It's one of those unfortunate withdrawal things I think. The only thing that really helps me is that when I'm really annoyed I will wait until I get home and just rage to myself, and after a while it subsides.

[Rhiannon]

Uh...I'm pretty sure they have to have a signed release. When I was in therapy my therapist and doctor had me sign releases and when I went to another therapist I had to sign a release again so that they could discuss my case together. I would really check this out. You do have rights. I'd be pretty p.o.'d too in this situation.

 

Also I work in health care and I just don't think what she says sounds like standard practice unless a patient is unconscious and in a life or death situation or hospitalized and under the care of multiple doctors. Does she have a supervisor or any kind of management or larger organization that she is part of, that you can check with about this? I know you aren't that concerned about it right now, but in the long run it may matter a lot--down the road you may wish you had protected your confidentiality more.

 

I understand that your post isn't specifically about that, it's about dealing with anger in general, especially when you feel like it's out of control and kind of bizarre. I can definitely relate to that. I've done and said things I regret when I had this kind of reaction myself in the past--fortunately nothing serious, but it's scary anyway.

 

As far as feeling out of control with anger, or any other emotions or thinking or behavior, Alex, remember that you're in withdrawal and you're still on psych drugs, so your reactions and thoughts and feelings are altered and are not "you." Did you get a copy of Medication Madness? I think it might help give you some perspective.

[Nadia]

Wow... such a coincidence that you posted this, as yesterday and today I have been feeling REALLY angry and was going to post about dealing with anger. I've always had a problem with dealing with my anger... along with anxiety it really is the worst thing I can imagine feeling. And conflict of any kind really makes me angry, especially because I'm not good at finding appropriate ways of expressing it... it's like the anger compounds itself because it can't find an escape. I quickly lose control. That said, I usually take a while to get angry, and then it builds up and explodes. Lately, though, I get angry right off the bat and viciously so! And yesterday I just felt this dull, unfocused anger that made me ruminate about a lot of stuff.

 

Whether it has to do with withdrawal or not... I assume being in a more sensitized state and more reactive in general, anger is going to be just another emotion that gets affected.

 

I remember finding DBT useful for that to some extent, and the book The Dance of Anger (as a long-term strategy...it's written for women but the advice applies for anyone), and then I found some acupressure points:

 

Acupressure points index

 

See the ones for anger... first in the list!

 

My fear is I don't want to suppress the anger, as I think I have a lot of unresolved anger I need to deal with, but I don't want to feed it either.

 

IN THE WORST MOMENT, when you feel you are really out of control, the only thing that has worked for me is stepping away. Sometimes I barely manage to even get it out, but you can say, "this isn't a good moment for me to discuss this right now" and just leave. Often the other person will try to engage you, and you're supposed to just calmly repeat it. But most of the time I just have to walk away without even saying anything as I don't even have that much self control.

 

By the way, what that person said would have had me walking right out the door, or sit there fuming, too. That is precisely the kind of situation that sets me off.

[alexjuice]

Uh...I'm pretty sure they have to have a signed release. When I was in therapy my therapist and doctor had me sign releases and when I went to another therapist I had to sign a release again so that they could discuss my case together. I would really check this out. You do have rights. I'd be pretty p.o.'d too in this situation.

 

Yea, I think you're right, hence the anger. I don't think she has any releases, but it's a complicated situation. She is the daughter of my former therapist. She went on and became a psychologist (like her sister, mother, brother-in-law, and dad) and her parents "gave" some of the groups they were leading to her (and her sister & brother-in-law) to help get her career cooking.

 

Anyway, the closest thing she has to a supervisor is her landlord(s), also known as her mother and father. I saw her father for years last decade so he very well may have some signed-by-me releases on file. I doubt those would carryover to his daughter. In any event, I can find out and revoke them.

 

As far as feeling out of control with anger, or any other emotions or thinking or behavior, Alex, remember that you're in withdrawal and you're still on psych drugs, so your reactions and thoughts and feelings are altered and are not "you." Did you get a copy of Medication Madness? I think it might help give you some perspective.

 

I did, as a matter of fact. Ordered it along with the SCD book Breaking the Vic Cycle. Waiting for it to appear on the doorstep.

 

Thanks for the help.

 

Alex

[alexjuice]

I can relate to this, as I had a similar episode yesterday. It was a simple disagreement with my friend, which escalated a bit too far. I felt I couldn't stop myself getting angry and more and more wound up.

I also felt upset afterwards at my irrational reactions.

 

It's one of those unfortunate withdrawal things I think. The only thing that really helps me is that when I'm really annoyed I will wait until I get home and just rage to myself, and after a while it subsides.

 

Hey Phil,

 

Really glad you can relate. It's the worst! I try to contain my anger and let it out slowly. I never let myself rage. Does that work for you?

 

I don't do it because I'm afraid it would encourage my noggin to keep getting redhot if I reward it, so to speak. Also, I can't yell.

 

Alex.i

[alexjuice]

Wow... such a coincidence that you posted this, as yesterday and today I have been feeling REALLY angry and was going to post about dealing with anger. I've always had a problem with dealing with my anger... along with anxiety it really is the worst thing I can imagine feeling. And conflict of any kind really makes me angry, especially because I'm not good at finding appropriate ways of expressing it... it's like the anger compounds itself because it can't find an escape. I quickly lose control. That said, I usually take a while to get angry, and then it builds up and explodes. Lately, though, I get angry right off the bat and viciously so! And yesterday I just felt this dull, unfocused anger that made me ruminate about a lot of stuff.

 

Whether it has to do with withdrawal or not... I assume being in a more sensitized state and more reactive in general, anger is going to be just another emotion that gets affected.

 

I remember finding DBT useful for that to some extent, and the book The Dance of Anger (as a long-term strategy...it's written for women but the advice applies for anyone)....

 

That's by Harriet Lerner? I read one of her books, the one on anxiety and fear, can't remember the name. She worked forever at the psch clinic I did some time in.

 

I know exactly what you mean. I just can't seem to find a way to deal with the anger in the proportional way. I tried to return an item to a store a few months ago, when my w/d was worse, and the clerk wouldn't take it back. I totally lost it. I'm not a yeller but I was rude and escalated the situation to the point that I my arms were shaking and my face was red. While the checkout clerk was a jerk, my response was really overthetop.

 

I think I need to find some small conflict situations and build up, ya know.

 

Also, I tried that kombucha for reflu and it had a lot of b vitamins. Maybe that influenced me because I hadn't been so on-edge until yesterday.

 

There is this feeling, this about to lose control feeling, that is new in w/d and taking some time for me to learn effective ways to cope with it. I have confidence that I learn to better manage.

 

Best,

Alex.i

[Nadia]

That's by Harriet Lerner? I read one of her books, the one on anxiety and fear, can't remember the name. She worked forever at the psch clinic I did some time in.

 

Yes, by Lerner... I have read three of her books, but none on anxiety and fear! Was it any good?

 

I know exactly what you mean. I just can't seem to find a way to deal with the anger in the proportional way. I tried to return an item to a store a few months ago, when my w/d was worse, and the clerk wouldn't take it back. I totally lost it. I'm not a yeller but I was rude and escalated the situation to the point that I my arms were shaking and my face was red. While the checkout clerk was a jerk, my response was really overthetop.

 

That is the exact situation that happens to me. It's not new for me in withdrawal, but it certainly makes it harder to deal with. Bad customer service or telemarketing calls are the worst for me. I end up losing my cool, not getting anything accomplished, and feeling awful.

 

On the other hand, I've also noticed that I've been more assertive lately in a positive way... I'm less likely to let things build and then explode. I think it has to do with all the meditation and mindfulness stuff I've been doing. It's only been on a couple of occasions, but I've been able to express how upset I am and request what I need without losing it. Admittedly, one was over email so it was easier to manage, ha ha. I guess it's a matter of catching it in time, being aware of it, and acting on it before it gets out of hand. Sometimes things come at you out of the blue, though... And sometimes I realize I'm just irritable and there isn't really that much to be angry about.

 

If you get any good tips let me know!

[Altostrata]

Great topic.

 

Recently I realized my anger patterns. I'm pretty even-tempered most of the time, but sometimes something bugs me and BLAM -- I'm enraged.

 

I realized that I believe I "earn" my right to blow up by being mostly tolerant. But then I realized that anger management means dealing with those highly irritating situations in a different way, not in an "entitled" way. The easy stuff is the easy stuff, I need to deal with the crunches better.

 

Also, and I think this applies to your situation, alex, I sometimes feel I have no rights and am overly resentful about that. You spoke up and claimed your boundaries! The group leader got defensive and did a little turf-dance. So what -- let it go.

 

I do the same thing, resentful rumination about being initially disrespected. I'm beginning to realize I can speak up for myself and let the resentment go.

 

As George Carlin said, "Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff."

[Barbarannamated]

Alto, please relocate this if not approprite here.

My anger is worst toward my family. My parents have paid for my older sister's drug habit along with ALL of her living expenses for 25+ years. Houses, cars, drug money. She hasn't worked in as many years (52 yrs old). I tried for many years to fix the mess and finally gave up on sister but watched parents crawling farther into their cave of depression and isolation. No other kids or grandchilden.

My sister has threatened my life several times and also that of a friend who is a counselor and offered to help as a favor to my family.

Recently, I've 'gotten in touch with' an anger that is overwhelming: that my father has bought drugs for my sister for so long even knowing that she has threatened my life repeatedly (always in drugged state), once from her psych hospital bed, w witnesses. They released her a few days later. My friend had my parents listen to message she left on his phone which was more detailed, telling where she was going to buy a gun. Parents said 'oh, she would never do anything'. What I see are parents providing drug money for one daughter who threatens life of other daughter. Why did I not get angry long ago??? The ADs masked it? I was too busy being the good daughter, the sane one, trying to rescue my family? That's like trying to swim up Niagara Falls.

In addition, as 'the rational one' i assumed I would be the one to care for parent/s when needed. I've lived in SCa, they live in godawful depressed town in WPa. For at least 10 years, I've asked, talked, written letters, BEGGED my father for ANY info on plans/provisions he has made for care (esp my mother who is helpless-- they are mid80s). I've gotten NOTHING. NOT even a simple 'things are in place....your mother is provided for..' No! Quite the contrary, dad actually JOKES about how sister and I can deal with their house and belongings AFTER THEY'RE GONE. Yes, the sister who threatens to kill me repeatedly--we will work in 2 part harmony all of a sudden when--by some strange coincidence--both of my parents die at the same time. My father ALWAYS talks of them as a unit, no one will be left alone or die before the other. I've tried DESPERATELY to ask him 'if mom is left alone....?' He will not let his mind go there. Consequently, I have no info--and no siblings to share this anxiety with-- about what will happen, if I am expected to step in ( my natural response). I used to ask about provisions for sister, too, but my psych told me I must let her go to the state. That IS one nugget I got from him in the 15 years he overmedicated me (is that an oxymoron?).

I have been driving around the country for a month and a half now searching for anyplace I feel I could belong. I have no kids, bad marriage I am leaving (loooong overdue), on disability. Got within an hour of my hometown and family and became physically ill and turned around. Father and sister have been leaving messages that mother is in hospital 'with dementia or Alzheimers or delirium from UTI'. She's had dementia for years, treated for ALZ, and many UTI deliriums. I AM UNABLE TO DEAL WITH THIS. I know this is probably hard to understand, but this has been producing severe anxiety for me for so long and I feel unable to even speak to them any longer. I did send my father a message explaining this when I started traveling, but that also went unacknowledged. Im sure he didn't share with mom. She is the one I am so sad for. He has controlled everything, with good intention, I'm sure. There I go rationalizing again!

I left message for my husband that ' I look forward to when this is all over w family' and he responded that he hopes 'it's not just the beginning of a long, drawn out saga'. THE BEGINNING??!!! This is how out of touch he is. I've told him for years how disturbing this situation is to me, he's listened to my sister's messages, and then refers to it as THE BEGINNING!! He only visited my parents 1x --before we married in 1995. They used to visit us in CA every winter until about 6 yrs ago. Much anger at him, also.

I want to hide, disappear. Is this a W/D reaction, the anger and finally REALIZING I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE ANGRY (same as your entitlement anger, Alto?)? I am that popcorn bag in the microwave, ready to explode. The only person who has gotten a peek into my family is my counselor friend and he backed off as soon as he got that message, saying that the paranoid schizophrenics he works with are less frightening. My sister has no desire to quit drugs, does not want help. Friend was going to talk to a psychiatrist in town about admitting her, but afraid of retribution toward me. Then dad moved her into their house where I usually stayed when visiting.

Im a mess. No friends understand. They are losing their parents and mourning. I look forward to it being over after years of misery for them and being frozen in anxiety for me. Cousins are afraid of her and come to me for info on her whereabouts, although I've told them to stop and am not answering their calls. It is impossible to explain how alone I feel.

Anger that's built up over 20 years. Scary, indeed.

[Barbarannamated]

ALEX...I felt anger when I read of the therapist's threat to you in group. 'How to undermine therapist-patient relationship 101'. That sounds like a convoluted situation w the family of therapist and preexisting assumptions. I hope you have found alternatives and a therapist who can understand where you are now.

 

ALTO...just caught the last line of your post. Excellent! ;-)

 

ANYONE ... I have felt so trapped, crazed, homeless, alone w nowhere to go. I have very limited insurance for therapy and, truthfully, no faith in therapists after the experiences I've had. Everyone wants to push CBT at me to 'quiet the irrational thoughts' but I feel that I've quieted my feelings so much over the years (plus meds) and that has led me to where I am. I don't believe what I am feeling right now is so irrational. It feels FOREIGN for me, but not unreasonable.

I need to go to batting cages and whack some balls.

[Phil]

Hi Barbara. So sorry about the situation you're in. It sounds like some boundaries have been crossed in your family and you are having to take on responsibilities that are not yours.

 

My thoughts are that in withdrawal, all these things are very much intensified - anger, worry, stress. I think it's good to express these feelings, but also it's easy to get stuck and overwhelmed by them during withdrawal.

Have you ever practiced mindfulness? It might help you take a step back from being overwhelmed by those feelings.

 

I share your skepticism of therapists. I despise the ones who sound like they have swallowed a clinical textbook.

I do think that other types of therapsists can be helpful though..the ones who are empathic, validating, and actually listen to your concerns and help you reach your own solutions.

If you can find one that you "click" with it can be extremely helpful. I had one years ago who was part of a voluntary organisation and she helped me sooo much, I always enjoyed my weekly session with her (and I was in withdrawal at the time).

[brighteningup]

Hi Barabara,

 

It sounds like you're going through a really tough time. Not sure if this helps you, but if you'd like one here's a big vitual hug.

((()))

 

I know we're only kind of virtual people, but perhaps you can vent to us if you're friends aren't much help and feel a little less alone.

 

I can really relate to not wanting to have anything to do with your parents while stressed, especially as in this case where they are one of the main causes of your distress.

[i have a difficult relationship with my Mum (which she doesn't really realise). So I have difficulty understanding people who run to their mothers for comfort and support in times of trouble, running from them is easier to comprehend...but I guess that would be difficult for some people to understand too]

 

Is there one small thing you can do for yourself at the moment that might make you feel less distressed, and also well cared for, perhaps go for a massage, go somewhere for a good lunch at one of those restaurants / cafes where for a moment they make you feel really important, buy yourself a bunch of flowers - these suggestions might be no good for you I dunno - but whatever you can think of that might work for you?

 

As for letting out emotions, my problem with anger is the opposite of some comments above - I can't let it out. I've been suppressing it for so long and as a result it turned back on me big time in the last couple of years as the voices in my head got really nasty.

 

And yes CBT techniques can end up being used as another tool to suppress emotions, I know, I've umm err done it, although I don't think that's necessarily the intended aim (CBT can be very helpful but is certainly not for everyone, I've discussed this elsewhere).

 

Interestingly the really helpful clinical psychologist I'm seeing once I'd first talked to her said she didn't think I needed CBT but instead to be able to start letting my negative emotions be rather than trying to suppress them or fight them. So I think there is definitely a place for letting your emotions out.

 

It's been really hard for me to let these negative emotions out but it is helping (still can't let my anger out much yet but have started shouting at the TV...)

 

Phil, I really like your comments; mindfulness has helped me handle my anxiety better, I don't meditate much just now, but do try to just focus on the moment on a regular basis, it's amazing how in tiny moment a tree, bird, flower or a taste can be overwhelmingly interesting, it's like giving your mind a tiny mini-break.

 

Best,

 

Bright

[Altostrata]

Oh my gosh, bar, those are huge questions. Maybe you want to start a topic of your own in Family?

 

I'm concerned about you're driving around and feeling you have no home. Is there one place you feel safer than others? Even if it's a place you've always dreamed of going, maybe you should settle down somewhere, get a little apartment, and de-stress.

 

There's so much on your plate, you've got to pause and take care of yourself somehow.

[Barbarannamated]

Thanks for the virtual hug and ideas. ;-) I am trying to find 'that place' to call home at least for awhile.. I've always been pretty good on my own but when I lost my career (and income , independence) several years ago, I've been floundering in a big way. All sense of control of my life--however false--has been gone. Through a weird set of rules of the disability program my employer has, there are no provisions for return to work on a gradual basis as with Social Security or VA. I sent my resume in for a job and word apparently got back to my x employer and I got a warning letter that if I earn any $$, I lose all benefits, monetary and medical. It's just another hurdle I've been dealing with over the years. Right now I don't feel strong enough to do much. A wise friend theorized that I drive because that is where I feel somewhat in control. And music is very therapeutic for me.

I had a bad few days w all of the 911 talk. A DJ was talking about how much life has changed for her--marriage, kid--and I thought 'i have not done a damn thing in 10 years'. Haven't worked a single day, no kids, lost a house to foreclosure, still in miserable marriage....

I do try to find meaning, see some bright side, but it's been challenging. No one of the factors is catastrophic, but together they feel overwhelming. For a very long time, I looked at other peoples' problems and, in comparison, any one of mine wasn't so bad. I minimized my own, stuffed my anger, but it's surfacing now as I've been off of Pristiq (I'm assuming the connection).

Being away from SoCal is a good thing. I've discovered that I like Nashville and even some country music. You have no idea how shocking it is to say that! I once fell asleep in the front row of a Willie Nelson concert (free tkts).

Thanks again for your suggestions and hugs!

[Altostrata]

Bar, I think finding a identity for ourselves in this situation is very hard, maybe the main challenge for our growth.

[Barbarannamated]

Alto, thank you for that insight. I have felt that, esp w other events that have happened in the last year. It seems that every thing I believed to be true has been challenged. Paradigm shifts of magnitude proportions. It's a bit crazy-making.

[bubble]

Yesterday I was extremely irritable and felt angry and snappy. Every little detail would enrage me: why people are not replying to my emails, the train that left while I was 2 steps away, couples kissing on public transport sitting opposite me, or just being noisy or playful with each other...

 

I felt like shouting at people and hitting them....

 

I don't come close to acting this out but God, it takes a lot of energy to control those impulses and it's awful to be around me (for my boyfriend who has incredible amount of patience with me but sometimes just gets hurt by my aggression ;(

 

I also noticed that these hightened irritability and aggression appear as an introduction into general destabilization.

 

I'm just venting out but if anyone has a comment or a suggestion on what to do to deal with it, it's very welcome.

 

Just knowing it's a probably a neuroemotion, helps to deal with it...

Edited October 3, 2017 by baroquep

[bubble]

irritability is obviously not the only symptom: just look at the way I spelt irritability ;(((

[skybert]

Hi bubble:) It is very common! I need to stay away from everything sometimes.

Everything pisses me off. I hardly ever lash out bad at the people around me but I have to leave sometimes when somebody says something that doesn't sit well with me. Especially if it's related to my condition.

The rage in my head scares me at times. It's like it fires off inside my head and I can't control it. Makes me dizzy to.

I usually picture myself hitting something, someone or throwing my laptop into a wall or I just hit a wall or a pillow and cry.

The rage/anger neuro-emotion is probably the most common and most felt one.

Great stuff.... 

[mammaP]

I know those feeling too Bubble, but thankfully I can come home, close the door and there is only myself to be annoyed with! Being retired has it's downside and can be very lonely in this withdrawal situation but it is good that I have peace to get on with it.

 

I've changed the spelling in your title for you, I didn't even notice before you pointed it out!

[bubble]

thanks a lot MammaP!

 

and skybert

 

as always it's good to hear we are not alone in this!

 

and I also didn't notice the spelling till it was posted I saw what I expected to see due to this brainfog...

[rapunzel2]

definitely!

my first withdrawal symptom is major irritability. Driving behind somebody I would like to just SMASH the first car. people irritate me, everything irritates me.

my personal journey after irritability is numbness, then crying (a lot), and all of this is accompanied with great exhaustion and hypersomnia. not fun!

[Barbarannamated]

Oh yes. Very timely post as I'm having a terrible episode as I write this. By the number of immediate responses, it appears to be a hot topic.

 

I wake with intense anger at life, the world, my situation. I assume it's a manifestation of heightened cortisol in the morning. It usually lessens through the day, but I'm always on a hair trigger response to everyday life events. I previously had extreme patience (too much?).

 

Anger is definitely one of my biggest issues at this stage.

 

I also have strong urges to throw things.

 

ETA: I've been seeing news about the man who was recently released from prison after being wrongly charged and incarcerated for 10 years. Of course, the news is focused on the relief and new freedom angle, but I wonder how he's dealing with the anger of 10 lost years.

[Rhiannon]

::::Raising my hand::::

me too! I'm lucky I work at a rural hospital that can't be too picky about employees because it's hard to find people who want to work here 

 

I can't believe how touchy/cranky/irritable I have gotten sometimes!

[Nikki]

Anger, irritability,  not being able to keep a lid on my mouth, yep...it is part of WD.  When Healing posted that thread about Neuro-emotions it really hit home.

 

I had it with tapering lexapro and five minutes I would be crying.  Up and down, in and out, all over the map.

 

It really is a side effect of withdrawing and not one of the most pleasant ones.

[Barbarannamated]

I rarely interact with people aside from online. Probably a good thing!

[Jemima]

I was awfully irritable in early withdrawal, flying into rages over the smallest things.  I found that what was mostly affecting me was the high cortisol level in the morning combined with bright light.  Covering my eyes or wearing sunglasses--even in the house--helped me quite a lot.  I also did my best to stay away from situations where there was a lot of noise.  A store where there was bright fluorescent lighting and noisy children or grating music was especially trying and I'd often leave without buying anything. Driving on sunny days was another trial what with the bright light glaring off cars. For months I ran my errands on cloudy days or at dusk, preferably before drivers were turning on their headlights.

 

Aside from the high cortisol level, I think this may not be so much neuro-emotion as it is heightened sensitivity due to withdrawal. I've always been sensitive to bright light and noise, but withdrawal really put those tendencies over the top.

[dalsaan]

I just put this to good use when I rang the energy company that has been fundamentally unable to address my bill dispute and is now threatening legal action

[beans]

Thanks for posting this topic bubble.  This is why I came to the site after 4 months, to find out if this inexplicable rage could be related to withdrawal.  I'm sure for me it could be caused by, or contributed to by many things.  Peri-menupause?  liver damage from meds & over eating?  

 

I noticed many people here can relate, but not many suggestions on how to deal with it aside from staying away from people. Definitely agree on that on for me.

 

Exercise is the main thing that I've found to help.  Okay exercise does not just help - it's essential. However, I can imagine that in a certain state of rage exercise could be dangerous by overdoing etc.  I've also been helped out of my rage by taking a very cold shower - which is painful, but works and is not damaging.  

 

There's a simple smile meditation recording I have that I've played a couple times this week, it focuses on feeling the feeling of smiling (without necessarily moving facial muscles).  Just imagining a warmth or kindness, even if it's a tiny space in my body, points me in the right direction back to myself.

 

Thanks for being here so I can feel I'm not alone in this.  I've been feeling impatient about tapering. well, who am I kidding?  I've been impatient about everything, so never mind.  

[coblerb]

I've been attending a bikram yoga class as often as possible to help with the irritability. They are amazing and also help with the detox but it's hard to find the time somedays

[bubble]

and motivation dear Coblerb ;(

 

thank you so much for reminding me of my yoga class. Being there really helps (when I can motivate myself to go).

 

But true, sometimes I'm away on business, then I have to see my little niece who just started calling me auntie. I think she is healing too

 

I was again soooo angry and irritable and with me it's always an introduction into a painful general destabilisation.