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Managing anger

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mattinsmom

I cry when I'm angry. The madder I get -  the harder I cry - then I get angry because I'm crying - then I cry harder - eventually I just drop from exhaustion. I feel like I've been crying since June. At it again today.

 

Suggestion to anyone reading this - buy stock in Kleenex. I am going to start buying it in bulk ;)  

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Ellen042

I sometimes get downright mean/irritable with my kids, and then I cry, because I love them so much.  I know part of it is likely due to WD, but I also had this problem pre-drugs (except for nortriptyline, which I've never tried tapering).  If I knew it were all WD I could accept it better, knowing it's temporary, but as it is I don't know if it will ever end.  With depression going on as well, makes me wonder sometimes if I'm bipolar.  Yes, I know that's not mentioned much around here, but I still wonder just about myself.  Either way, I get angry at myself when I lose my patience.  I'll snap at my kids over nothing, or honk at a driver doing nothing wrong, or throw dinner down the drain half-way cooked, because it's not coming out the way I want, or snap at my patients simply because they're slow and elderly.  None of these people can help what they're doing.  The problem is ME.  Seems completely unfair for me to take out my own problem on someone else.  It's not who I want to be.  I sometimes even hate myself for getting so irritable, and it's soooooo draining to keep my cool.  Used to occur just with PMS, but it seems that with age it's gotten worse.  Mattismom, I can relate: I do exactly the same thing you do!  Guess we're not alone here, and at least we know some if not all of it will ease up with time.  Just so hard biting my tongue in the meantime.  I too stay away from people as much as possible when I get this way.  Wish there were a cure.  Crying now just thinking of how rotten it's been- ever since puberty. I don't like being this way one bit.

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bubble

yes, Ellen: it is especially hard when we lash out at people we love. I feel sooooo bad for snapping at my boyfriend who is most often at the receiving end of that beastly feeling inside me just because I feel safe with him and able to be the true me for better or worse.

 

You also touch upon a rather sensitive issue we don't discuss much here:we tend to attribute almost if not all negative emotions and bad things happening to us to withdrawal. It's rather convenient:for one thing it will go away, and for the other the blame is on the meds. But I also very often see that a lot of my 'withdrawal symptoms' are things that led me start taking ADs ;(

 

As for me, irritability and anger were so out of character with me. I used to be (too) meek person. So allowing myself to be angry was a big milestone in my growth. Learning how to channel this anger and use it in a constructive way in line with its purpose is an altogether different thing. Requires trodding some new neurological pathways...

 

However, I see a clear difference between anger and irritability that could be said to be a part of my personality and that almost murderous rage that consumes me at times. It's very intensity is a sign that something is very wrong and the concept of neuro emotions explains it so well.

 

After years of dealing with this on my own since there is no point in sharing this with non-AD friends I find reading your accounts so very helpful. It eases my burden.

 

On this Christmas Eve let's wish ourselves peace.

 

And dear Ellen, please don't be hard on yourself:what you describe is sooo withdrawal...it will go away

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rapunzel2

just wanted to mention I'm just dying of rage, and it's so hard to control myself. my feelings are all over the place! the littlest things tick me off. I don't want to be so mean person!

 

I wonder if it goes WORSE the further I go and the smaller the doses get?

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Meimeiquest

It has for me. But it did end with my other drugs...now I'm back in it.

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beans

rapunzel2, I also have a lot of anger. It was so bad in January that I updosed from 3.5 to 7 mg.  It helped some.  I've googled 'getting rid of anger' sort of questions and tried things like exercise and very cold shower that help some too.

 

I have a lot of trouble with spikes of anger and rage. I find that embarrassment from the past is a major pre-occupation for my thoughts, and rage easily gets stirred up if I linger on past arguments. Not to mentioned being instantly annoyed at sounds, lights, requests.  If I don't overeat, I seem to handle everything a little better.

 

Also, when I'm having trouble sleeping, which goes along with these anger phases, I've been  listening to an audio recording by Tara Brach [her non-commercial website is: http://www.tarabrach.com/audioarchives-guided-meditations.html ] and it helps me specifically to notice and release the feelings from my body before they get too intense.

 

hope you can find some relief soon

beans

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Petunia

During times in my life when I've been doing self insight work and there has been lots of anger coming up, I would journal about it and get it out on a mental level.  Then I would walk at a fast pace and go through it all again in my mind, thinking about all the things I was angry about and why and all the people who had caused me to be hurt.  It was like the physical activity kind of released it on the physical level.  I think the important thing with anger is to let our self feel it and release it, without acting on it, then when we are calm again, we can make a rational decision about what to do.

 

I went through this whole process today actually, got a text message from someone which annoyed me.  I worked through my feelings about it first, then when it didn't bother me any more, I replied.

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bubble

that's brilliant Petu and exactly as my psychologist advised: anger mobilises a lot of energy. If we try to contain it, it will morph into depression, eat us from inside. If we let it out uncontrolably, it will be like an explosion causing hurt to others but also ourselves.

 

So as you say, it's best to let it out: emotionally and physically in a safe way and then when we have calmed down, react rationally to address the problem that caused anger.

 

my psychologist said: don't act from anger but because of anger. It is basically useful if you know how to use it properly.It mobilises energy that you can use for fixing things...

 

But when it is fueled by neuro emotions everything gets a lot more complicated...

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ruby

The heightened emotional sensitivity, anger, shame, sadness... makes it difficult for me to maintain relationships. I think when I was on meds, I didn't react in anger to people's b.s. because I was too numb to notice how I was actually feeling. I find it hard to engage with people with long stretches of time yet I want company so I do activities with people and take classes or go to meditation sessions where I have autonomy but still surrounded by people. Being around family is really challenging; I get triggered so much. The loss of friendships during this marathon withdrawal (chronic illness) is so difficult to bear. I wonder if I'll ever be able to make close friends again.

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beans

Brilliant comes to mind when I read your post too Petu. 

Writing out the anger as a first step sounds so wise, because anger energy is so ready to start galloping in any direction at full speed. But writing and bringing the drama to the mental level is harnessing 'the beast' & setting the direction before the gallop begins. 

 

Both are important. Without the mental work, exercising while focusing on anger issues will only expend the energy temporarily. And focusing on the anger issues without the exercise, like bubble said, it can eat us from the inside.

 

I still have try it, but it sounds wise.

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compsports

Unfortunately, due to my severe sleep deprivation issues, this is roaring its ugly head again big time.   I realize I need to learn the danger signals and back off before it is too late.  I seem to get frustrated way too easily.

 

CS

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Stormageddon

I've been struggling with this a lot, almost constantly since I began my Celexa taper.  

 

I'm currently living with my boyfriend, and I have been for almost 7 years now.  That has gone well for us until the withdrawals. I just feel the intense need to be alone because every little thing irritates me and angers me.  I don't have anywhere I can go to just be alone.  He works 8-5 on the weekdays, so I have that time to myself, but evenings and weekends have been hellish for me (I work from home by the way).

 

I hate feeling this way! I hate feeling like a grumpy, bitter, angry person.  I hear him chewing on a snack and I have to leave the room.  I've had absolutely no libido or desire for any human touch and I just wish I could live on my own private island all by myself.  He says he understands but it makes me feel so guilty.  I've been reading these forums and I see some of you talking about symptoms taking years to get better. I've only been feeling like this for months and I'm at my wits end. I can't imagine years! I feel so hopeless!

 

How do you deal with being so irritable and unable to be around anyone when you don't live alone?  How do you keep from losing your mind from such a long and frustrating journey? 

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beans

Hi all, just checking in.  My anger and irritability have not gone away. Unfortunately I must say it has gotten worse with time.  I'm still tapering - 2 mg.  

 

That said, I am finding some things helpful. I have a 3 minute breathing technique (pranayam) called Anulom Vilom that I do in the morning and even in the car before I go to work or whenever I think of it and am not in public and have time. Also sometimes I'll listen to a free meditation site by Tara Brach (that I think is Buddhist, but it very non-religious):  http://www.tarabrach.com/audioarchives-guided-meditations.html

 

My boyfriend is long suffering that is all I can say.  

 

Yoga class.  walking a lot.

eating well.  time....

 

That's all I got. best of luck to you.

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Cdav

I'm on the same boat. Neuro-emotions and WD symptoms seem to cycle for me. One week it's depression, next anxiety, next akathisia, this week it's irritability and horrible anger…  There are just a few little windows of peace and contempt that last less than a day. 

 

I can't stand my boyfriend right now. I don't want him to touch me. I feel completely bitter.  For some reason many bad memories about things we've said to each other during an argument are coming back to my mind. These situations were supposed to be forgiven and forgotten! Now these memories are back and making me terribly angry. I can't see him right now, because he will want to touch me and I don't want to be touched at all!  I already texted him so many hurtful messages full of hate.

 

Last week I felt good with him, in love and cozy around him, enjoying his touch and his company. Right now, it's the opposite. I can't even stand myself. Poor man. I'm starting to think it would be better for him to get a healthy girlfriend. And that makes me really sad. :(

 

The only thing that helps me a for a little while is exercise, mostly walking but also jogging. I'm going to try some yoga tomorrow, I hope it helps. 

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beans

Hey, good luck with the yoga.  :)  It's one of the best things in my life. I'd suggest taking at least six different classes (if you don't like the first one) before you make your mind up about it, because teachers can be VERY very, different. 

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Annie3

I am looking for ideas on what has helped others with agitation and anger.  I feel so agitated most of the time lately.  I just want to stay in my little bubble inside my head and sometimes when people try to pull me out of my bubble or I need to focus on things I get extremely agitated. There is no reasoning behind my agitation it is just there and these strong feelings are depressing me.  I have been trying some deep breathing.   Any other advice? 

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Jimbo71

How long does the anger tend to last for? It's been four and a half months since I reduced from 2.4mg to 2.2mg of paroxetine. I can't take much more!

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Stormageddon

I'm right there with ya, Jimbo. I last reduced my dose 4 months ago too and I'm still angry and irritable most of the time. It's so frustrating! I hate being like this. I don't know what to do.

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aberdeen

I have felt like this since I began my taper. I dont really wait for it to pass...I once waited 4 months early in my taper to no avail. I think its just part of the process. I sometimes really only feel ok when Im completely alone,lol. I have young kids and a husband who works from home and is in my face whenever Im home...so I have a lot to be annoyed by. i also have terrible PMS which makes it worse. I cant wait for it to be over with!

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aberdeen

I cant even stand my dogs licking themselves, i want to shove them outside untied and pray they run away. I hate chewing sounds, people breathing, and clocks. I cant even be bothered to pick something up if it drops  because Im too mad at it. This aside from how annoying actual real things are!!!

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Stormageddon

Yes the misophonia with the chewing sounds are the worst! It's getting to where I'm even getting annoyed at my own chewing sounds. If I mess something up cooking or doing anything I get so angry and sometimes blow up. I was having a hard time dying my hair a few weeks back, so I just gave up and took a shower to rinse it out and I was so angry I was punching the shower walls. I hurt my wrist and knuckles pretty bad doing that.

 

I was reading about misophonia and if there's anything I can do to help with that because it's driving me nuts. And from some of the articles I was reading, it's often linked to magnesium deficiency. I realized that I probably don't get much magnesium in my diet and the multivitamin that I take doesn't have much in it, so I got myself some magnesium supplements. I've been taking them for about a week now and I'm not seeing much of a difference.  I'm not sure how long it's supposed to take before it does anything.  Has anyone else here tried magnesium supplements for this or any other symptoms?

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westcoast

Annie, have you tried any of the recommended supplements? Some swear by fish oil, others by magnesium. I thought coconut oil helped me. I am definitely far better than I was when I joined. Might be the passage of time, might be supplements. Some web sites recommend over-the-counter Benadryl for akathisia (which includes agitation and irritability), though it too can be a problem drug. I used it as crutch at times, and sometimes still use it for sleep. I can't really recommend any drug in good conscience though.

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Annie3

Thanks Westcoast,  My anger went away, but alas it is right back up there.  I was irritable with my little girl last night I was in tears after and ridden with guilt because she is so sensitive.   I do use magnesium oil daily and I think it helps.  Fish oil revs me big time, but I am going to try the coconut oil again.  Are you making the bulletproof coffee? Is that what you are using it for?  Benedryl would be out for me, I have never tried it but Gravol sends me into a very bad state so too scared to try it.  It doesn't help that I have PMS right now too.  I think I may add Flax oil back in I seem to tolerate it very well.

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beans

I started taking magnesium citrate, calcium citrate and vit c recently, but haven't noticed anything yet.  Just hanging in there.

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Stormageddon

Keep hanging in there. It's been really hard for me to hang in there lately but I figure we're all in this together. And there I go getting all cheesy, but it really does help to have people you can talk to who are going through the same thing.

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westcoast

I was following the recipe but not using the right kind of coffee. I just used normal coffee. I'm not sure I got any new energy or better memory. Definitely lost the morning terror, though. Very possibly a coincidence.

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Prestorb

I have found chelated magnesium seems to help and is supposed to be more easily absorbed by the body than other forms. I take 400 mg before bed to help with sleep. Might be worth a try!

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Stormageddon

I tried to find chelated magnesium, but they were out of the kind that I found online at my local drug store (I didn't want to wait for it to come in the mail).  They handed me a bottle that just said "magnesium" and said it's basically the same thing. I'm not noticing any progress, so now I'm kinda wishing I would have ordered online.  Also, I've been taking mine in the morning, maybe I should switch to before bed. I didn't know it was supposed to help with sleep. I need lots of help in that department!

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044hnoor

 Some swear by fish oil, others by magnesium. I thought coconut oil helped me. I am definitely far better than I was when I joined. Might be the passage of time, might be supplements. 

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JanCarol

Supplements are only half of the quandary.

 

Even if it is neuro-anger (false anger, induced by the chemicals) if you don't release it, if you hold it in, it will cause you problems later.

 

Can you be physical?  Go for a run, go for a walk, or a bike ride?  Something solitary where your anger won't be triggered?

 

If the breathing helps, can you do yoga?  There are several articles on yoga here on SA, and on Beyond Meds, and thousands of videos on YouTube to choose from

 

Here is a guided meditation for accepting your symptoms (as anger is an emotional symptom):  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8218-a-calming-guided-breathing-exercise-for-symptom-acceptance/

 

I love to go to karate classes, and I've been more angry since an injured hand has pulled me from the dojo.  Kicking and punching, and trying new things seems to wring out the anger very thoroughly.  I'm much kinder to my hubby when I've been attending karate, and it's been extra challenging since I've been out of classes for nearly 3 months now.

 

There are other things, if martial arts are not your gig.  Ecstatic dance.

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5044-dance-meditation-shamanic-ecstasy-healing-arts-httpwpmep5nnb-9us-highly-recommended-healing-dance/

 

Anger is an adrenaline/cortisol creating emotion (well, chicken and egg, which came first?) - in my opinion it is important to take anger and DO something with it.

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Prestorb

It's not the same, you cannot buy it at a drug store, it has to be a vitamin store. I've looked at drug stores as well and never found it, I have bought it at GNC and Vitamin Shoppe and it's cheap. Oh yes, take it right before you go to bed but try to find the chelated form. Hopefully, it will help you sleep!

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Annie3

Supplements are only half of the quandary.

 

Even if it is neuro-anger (false anger, induced by the chemicals) if you don't release it, if you hold it in, it will cause you problems later.

 

Can you be physical?  Go for a run, go for a walk, or a bike ride?  Something solitary where your anger won't be triggered?

 

If the breathing helps, can you do yoga?  There are several articles on yoga here on SA, and on Beyond Meds, and thousands of videos on YouTube to choose from

 

Here is a guided meditation for accepting your symptoms (as anger is an emotional symptom):  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/8218-a-calming-guided-breathing-exercise-for-symptom-acceptance/

 

I love to go to karate classes, and I've been more angry since an injured hand has pulled me from the dojo.  Kicking and punching, and trying new things seems to wring out the anger very thoroughly.  I'm much kinder to my hubby when I've been attending karate, and it's been extra challenging since I've been out of classes for nearly 3 months now.

 

There are other things, if martial arts are not your gig.  Ecstatic dance. 

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5044-dance-meditation-shamanic-ecstasy-healing-arts-httpwpmep5nnb-9us-highly-recommended-healing-dance/

 

Anger is an adrenaline/cortisol creating emotion (well, chicken and egg, which came first?) - in my opinion it is important to take anger and DO something with it.

Thanks everyone,  I have been struggling with anger issues again lately.  I am going to start coconut oil again.  Magnesium oil seems to help but only to a small degree.  This reminds me that I need to start Yoga again and walking.  I have been stuck in the house in the nasty winter weather where the sun is rarely out.  I do take more times outs than my daughter where I retreat to my room for 5 minutes and that seems to help.  ;) She actually is such a good kid she never gets time outs and if she is ever given one she would be devastated.  

 

It is definitely neuro anger, I just feel such intense emotions inside me it is so frustrating because I have no idea what I am even angry at.  I agree I need to find an outlet.  Thanks for the advice

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westcoast

Hi Annie, I hope you do well with the coconut oil. Keeps us posted.

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direstraits

I know I have had a lot of anger for many years about many things I really don't want to go into it all-but is probably at the root of my depression-they say depression is anger turned inward -and I sure did that for many years :(

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Petunia

I like JanCarol's idea of channeling anger into something creative or positive if possible.  As an adult, some of my most creative ideas and projects have resulted from trying to escape from feelings of anger and frustration, not everything has turned out well, but that's not the point, I think its important to let anger energy flow through us rather than have it become stuck in our body, or even worse allow it to harm someone else. 

 

Something I've been finding while I'm going through withdrawal is that old, repressed anger from the past is coming up.  I'm remembering lots of times when I've been treated badly as a child or young adult, when I haven't been able to protect myself or stand up for my rights, and was forced to suppress my natural anger for what felt like my own survival.  I'm gently letting myself re-live some of these moments and allowing myself to feel the justified anger, recognizing that I didn't deserve to be treated that way, even though it happened.

 

The Neuro-emotion   topic has more ideas.

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Luna

Hi!

 

What herbs and supplements do any of you use to sedate rage.

 

I've done the whole expressing the anger and I have been through WD at least twenty times... I'm just looking for ways now to keep my CNS calm without getting addicted or dependent on anything else as I come off my last drug...

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