alexxxx22: healing and weaning from taking risperidone

[alexxxx22]

I'm on risperidone and have been since late October of 2015. I had many tests done and nothing showed up for any mental illness but that I have extremely high anxiety. The doctors said because they could not find anything wrong with me that I have to stay on this medication for at least 6 months so as of this, these past few weeks I have been cutting back on the meds. I am now taking half of a 0.5 mg pill once a day at bed time.

 

I had total anhedonia for a month, my face was feeling very mask like and all I could do was lay around doing nothing, I had lost my personality and was not able to be present at all or focus or enjoy anything for even a minute except when i would get to sleep and it was hellish to live like that. But I began speaking with a former pharmacologist now herbalist who told me how to cut down on the meds slowly enough to stop symptoms.

 

He also told me to start taking L- tryptophan one pill twice a day and Ashwaganda one pill once a day. After about a week and a half of taking these suppliments consecutively, I began to feel a lot more normal again. I now have emotions, they are not as vibrant as they were before the meds but they are back and I can feel them. I feel a world of difference on these supplements. Since then I have been to a naturopath and she checked my serotonin levels and said I am deficient so I should start taking L-tryptophan 4 times a day.

 

I have just began this today so I will keep posting on the out come of that and if I feel any more changes. I have currently started lactating which means I am infertile for now and my sex drive is totally zero. This is what is very much scaring me at this point. I know my d2 dopamine receptors are being blocked by the meds because they are a dopamine antagonist. And I know dopamine is the primary desire chemical. I also know that in order to feel love and bond we must have both dopamine and oxytocin firing together so that the signal is received for both of these chemicals at the same time but since my receptors are blocking dopamine the dopamine signal can't happen and there for I feel no deep love connection or sexual desire...

 

I know this might sound silly and trivial but I am a virgin never had my first kiss yet never had a boyfriend and I really want to experience first love and the excitement that comes from kissing and making love. I do want to have kids of my own some day too. All I can find online are stories of people who still take this drug or have taken it and are now off it but have no sex drive at all saying they are ruined for life. this really scares me and as of now I feel no sexual or any other exitment what so ever. At least I can laugh again and my personality is coming back, I keep telling myself but still I need to know. Will sex drive and sexual pleasure come back and if so how long will it take for it to return to its normal levels? As of now I have no desire at all and I feel nothing like attraction for anyone. please let me know what to expect ... I need some hope!   

Edited March 31, 2016 by KarenB
added paragraph breaks

[brassmonkey]

Hi Alex-- welcome to the group.  I'm so glad you found us.  There are a lot of things to address in your post and I'm at work so I can't, but I will get back to you this evening.  I will reassure you that the feelings will come back and you will be a healthy, active young lady again and be able to enjoy all that life has to offer.  For right now here is a thread that would be good for you to read to get things started.

 

Tips for tapering off Risperdal (risperidone)

 

Thank you for filling in a signature block it really helps to make things clear.

[SquirrellyGirl]

Hi Alex, 

 

I'll add some links that should be helpful.  Thank you for filling in your signature block, really helps us see where you are at at a glance.

 

Your taper schedule is much faster than we recommend here at SA, and we do not recommend alternating doses since it is too destabilizing to the nervous system.  What was your starting dose of Risperdal?  We need to know what size cut you made when you started tapering.  It would be good if you could read this link:

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

These will help explain why:

 

Brain Remodelling

What is withdrawal syndrome?

 

You may already be studied up on those; I think it is great that you have a more advanced understanding about what's going on with your receptors :-)

 

How are you feeling right now with the cut that you made?  We recommend keeping notes on paper of everything you do and feel and when.  

 

Welcome to SA!

SG

[KarenB]

Hello Alexxxx,

 

Glad you are here.  I think you'll get through this alright - you are young, and (I believe) this is the only drug you are on?  So things aren't as bad as those scary stories you've been reading.  They are more complicated cases - don't be too alarmed. 

 

I read your signature, and want to mention that it is important to take doses evenly every day.  Do not ever skip days.  It causes your Central Nervous System to become destabilised, and that causes withdrawal symptoms. 

 

Keep it Simple:  Keep it Slow:  Keep it Stable

Why Taper by 10 % of my dose

 

You can have a read of those links and then come back to this thread to ask more questions.  We'll be able to help you find a plan.

 

Welcome to s/a,

Karen

[alexxxx22]

Okay So I was told by a former pharmacologist to begin taking them every other day starting on the 3rd of this month. But I understand now that I have read the information in the links you have provided me with. I defiantly do not want to destabilize my nervous system. I believe they started me on 0.5 mg once a day and then bumped it up to twice a day then to 1 mg and then to 2 mg and then I ( not knowing how bad the meds are for you and not knowing any of the symptoms) thinking something must be wrong with me and since I have high high levels of anxiety and the testing had not been completed yet, i asked to be put on 2.5 mg in late November of 2015. in december the symptoms were so bad i talked to my doctor and he took me back down to 2 mg saying my dosage must be too high. after a few weeks I started taking half a pill twice a day because the symptoms didn't feel as bad that way. when i told my doctor he took me down to 1mg and finally after leaving the hostipal down to 0.5 mg twice a day. when I was in the hospital getting tests done through out this time and so the days ran together so i do not know that dates of when we changed the dosages. In early November I began feeling less emotion and seeming the world as very gloomy but I wasn't able to really cry and be sad however my anxiety was still through the roof. Basically when the tests came back they said nothing was wrong with me other than i have the highest anxiety on the charts. i am a very spiritual person and i learned from the cognitive behavioural therapy i was doing in the hospital that I'm rated highest on the area of being an over thinker.

 

I want to take this time to give as much of an in depth explanation of my mental state leading up to the hospital stay and explain a little bit about myself as a person and a brief synopsis of my life struggles that effected my mental health.

 

 

Here is what happened to me leading up to the hospital stay:

my ego really took me for a scary joy ride. I was following a spiritual whim of new age spirituality based out of the book the Celeste prophacy yet also dealing with stress, conflicting beliefs and seeds of fear that I had been trying to ignore for a while by not feeding them (stuff about nano technology and chem trails, walk-ins, aliens, twin flames and how the government doesn't want us to evolve to a new level of consciousness) I was living across the continent from my family and had no close friends to lean on and was working full time.

Now I know many people don't believe in those things I listed above but i was raised as a very spiritual person and to be very open minded. As i got older i was force fed a lot of conspiracy theory stuff which scared the living day lights out of me for many years until i kind of just had to suppress the seeds of fear around this stuff. (i was told by my family that i couldn't do anything about the pollutants and many people don't know the truth so just to let it be and don't worry about it.) So i tried my best to forget about it and wound up suppressing so much fear which in October of 2015 bubbled to the surface when i was dealing with extreme guilt and shame and was pushing myself very hard to change and evolve my beliefs.( this was another way i was raised to be, to go 100% with anything I did and to be a very good kind person, to never be judgemental at all and to not be sexual at all but to judge people who were. ( this was conflicting to me) The thing was the guilt and shame I was dealing with had wound up being suppressed very much because I push myself so hard to overcome my fears and push through my insecurities. I have struggled with shame and guilt all my life to the point of making myself sick to my stomach. I have struggled with depression seasonally. i have struggled most of my life with depression due to being abandoned by my father when i was 9 and neglected emotionally by my mother at that time and again in my teens by both parents. I struggled with childhood trauma and secondary post traumatic stress from being exposed to violence at a very young age. i had also struggled with being physically, emotionally and spiritually and sexually abused and manipulated through out first 20 years of life by my family. 

 

Needless to say in October of 2015 my mind was very scattered and filled with conflicts of beliefs in spirituality and fears about reality in the modern society we live in. when i get a fear in my head my anxiety is so bad that i often have perceived that fear to be a reality until i push through my fear and come out the other end unharmed proving to myself it was not based in reality. I was also following syncronisities in my daily life on a spiritual whim and learning a lot about the world but also for some reason was relating it all back to myself looking for how it was connected to me which obviously nothing was so i kept being left with questions as to what my role was in the world, my purpose. As I mentioned before  it started with the stress of working full time and I was dealing with a lot of suppressed guilt and shame and conflicting scattered spiritual beliefs and i began thinking maybe I should drown myself in the ocean to rid the world of my horrible energy because i believed i was a bad person and i was very alone. things escalated over a period of two weeks as i pushed myself very hard like i have always done to change and evolve my beliefs and grow to become a better, hoping one day to be happy. long story short I was so scattered and am such a sensitive person i wound up being admitted into the hospital. when they told me they wanted me to tell them what I was going through so they could help me I told them i had been following synchronisty ( from the book the Celestine prophecy) and my life had felt a bit like the movie 'a beautiful mind' where things lit up when he saw connections (not that anything was lighting up at all) i mentioned how i had a fear of aliens (the past two weeks i had seen two weird lights in the sky on my way home from work which had startled me since i was alone at night) the details i include now i did not tell them because they had me doped up on a sleeping pill that made me groggy and doppy and naturally upon hearing my fears of aliens and my telling them my life felt like a beautiful mind (a movie of a man with schizophrenia) they thought i had psychosis and put me on risperidone.

 

The symptoms I experienced while in the hospital. At 1mg I began feeling dulled emotions but I could still feel exited about the future and could still feel sexually aroused and desiring. I would become very sleeping and could hardly drag my body around with me. To go for walks felt heavy and cumbersome and exhausting but if I ran instead of walked or if i danced instead of walking I felt okay. I felt painful in my own skin and needed my mother to rock my body and message me every day very often.

 

At 2mg I felt hardly any emotion and no excitement at all. I stopped having any sexual desire and my tiredness persisted as i was bumped up on to this dosage. My face became hard to move and i stopped being able to dance and I became uncontrollably jittery and needed to keep shaking/swaying or moving all the time.

 

At 2.5 mg I stopped caring or worrying about things in life, i lost all hope and i lost all apathy and compassion for others. I became dull unable to smile and I found it hard to form sentences or speak clearly. i could not read hardly at all and stumbled over almost every word. I stopped being tired completely and would just lay in bed waiting to sleep trying to sleep day after day, taking sleeping pills (seraquil) at night to sleep most nights. 

 

At half a pill or 0.5 mg I began to notice that if I press on my breasts I begin lactating which is really gross considering I have never even had my first kiss let alone had a child!

 

All through this I was not sleeping well at all and would wake up often many times a night. all through this my anxiety was through the roof sometimes its been so bad that it felt like i was going crazy its been painfull in my body. the only thing that has saved me is the L-tryptophan and ashawaganda and my naturopath says my serotonin levels are low.

 

i am now on half a 0.5 mg pill every night and will have been on them for 2 or 3 weeks on the 4th of this month.

 

I don't know what to do or how to go off the pills fully with out symptoms with out messing up my nervous system. my emotions are still very much dulled and i don't have passion or sexual desire at all or excitement  for anything but i can laugh and sometimes i can have a laugh that feels good even though its short. i just want myself back. i have a lot of spiritual and emotional healing to do but I can't do that not feeling my emotions. 

ps sorry about the long post..

[Fresh]

Welcome Alex , thanks for taking the time to provide so much information about your situation.

 

A few more questions if that's okay.

1. please try and pin a date to when you dropped from 1mg to 0.5mg , maybe since 14 or 21 March?

2. what date did you leave hospital ? How long were you there for?

3. were you discharged on 0.5mg twice a day , and stayed on that until you dropped to 0.5 a few weeks ago?

 

We really need dates , so that in a month's time , we're not working out what 3 weeks ago was on this date.

 

What symptoms are you having at the moment?

 

Don't worry , once we have a solid understanding of your journey , we'll figure out the best thing to do from here.

 

Best wishes , Fresh

 

If you click FOLLOW at the top right , you'll receive an email each time someone posts.

[alexxxx22]

Hi there Fresh

 

I dropped down from 1mg to 0.5mg I think around the 4th of February to conserve my pills because at the time I have moved provinces and didn't have a doctor to prescribe more.

about the 20th of March I cut down to half a pill of 0.5 mg

I left the hospital on the 8th of December.

I was discharged on 1 mg I think it may have been 1.5mg but mostly I only remember taking 1mg most of that time other than an I missed a few days here and there but felt okay.

Currently my symptoms are feeling my emotions as being softer or blunted a bit. And I feel no exitment about anything and sometimes I get head aches when I try to laugh and find things funny when I feel I should find them funny but I don't. I also have no sexual desire and can't reach orgasm and I am lactating slightly.

[Fresh]

Thanks alex. All the symptoms that you're experiencing are from the meds. and will resolve as you decrease and then come off.

Although it's a horrible thing you've been through for someone so young , you will recover from this. It's very promising that you've only been taking them for 6 months.

 

The way to titrate off is to take a smaller dose every day rather than by alternatimg days. Skipping days is more dangerous for your brain , it leaves it bouuncing around when all

it wants is stability.

We recommend doing 10% cuts , and holding for a month to see how it goes. If all is well , you may be able to go a little quicker , or you may find 10% too disruptive and prefer to make smaller cuts

more often. It's a bit of "wait and see".

 

See the thread on "Tips for Tapering off Risperdal" here http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1716-tips-for-tapering-off-risperdal-risperidone/

The easiest way will be to make a liquid solution yourself , and draw up the required amount in a syringe.

Your first drop will be to 0.5mg minus 10% (0.05) which is 0.45 mg.

 

Have a read and come back with questions. We can help you do this safely ... no skipping days tho' please.

 

[SquirrellyGirl]

I wanted to add that when you first start the liquid, take the same dose you are taking now, 0.5 mg, and hold there for at least a couple of weeks to be sure your system is ok with the liquid version.  Some people feel the switch as it may be absorbed differently, causing symptoms.  If those symptoms are too disruptive, you might need to go back to the dry version, get stable, and then do a gradual cross over to liquid.

 

SG

[alexxxx22]

okay I am currently on half a pill that was 0.5mg I'm not sure what the math is but i think that means I'm on 0.25mg. and I have been on this amount since the 20th of march. I'm really scared to switch over to a liquid capsule because i think the hard pills are slow release and when it enters my system too fast my atp levels drop and i can't do anything but sleep... i also don't want to be switching drugs at this point and i want to get off them by the end of April. Are there any symptoms people have after stopping say a month or so after stopping fully? what are withdrawal symptoms ? i don't think i have felt any yet. i really need to get off them by may ...  

[Fresh]

I have to ask , is there a special reason you have to be off them by May?

 

Try reading this link on withdrawal symptoms.

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/2390-dr-joseph-glenmullens-withdrawal-symptom-checklist

[SquirrellyGirl]

Introduction to AD Withdrawal Syndrome

Dr. Joseph Glenmullen's withdrawal symptom checklist

 

Withdrawal symptoms can range from the physical - brain zaps, headaches, nausea, flu-like symptoms, dizziness, digestive upsets and the like, to the emotional, severe anxiety, insomnia, cortisol spikes waking you with a start, causing fear and panic, depersonalization/derealization, doom, auditory and/or visual hallucinations, and more.  Glenmullen's check list is a good place to start but is not all inclusive.

 

SG

[alexxxx22]

I am traveling over seas for education in June and my mother says I should be off my medication for at least two months before I go. so far i don't think i have been having any withdrawal symptoms when making the cut backs by 50% that i have done so far and I am taking that as a positive sign. though i'm not sure i can get a prescription for the liquid and im not sure i want to be drinking a liquid form of this poison anyway I do hope to cut down to nothing over the next 5 weeks. This medication had really ruined my life I can not feel my emotions to the extent I always could and my joy and pleasure from the simple things and my ability to bond with others is still greatly hindered still. I am currently taking L-tryptophan 4 times a day as requested by my naturopath for increasing low serotonin levels. I know its not all brain chemistry that makes us happy its always a deeper meaning and connection with our lives. this is what i wish to achieve     

[alexxxx22]

im wondering what the best way is to cut down the hard pills

[SquirrellyGirl]

Some people use a pill cutter.  Others a pill grinder, and then weigh the powder with a milligram scale.  Some use a razor blade to sliver off bits to weigh.

 

The liquid is not going to be any different than the dry, other than that it might absorb a little differently (probably faster) which would maybe raise up symptoms if you are sensitive.  If the pill will dissolve readily in water, then this would be the easiest, so long as you have a way to measure the liquid to make a concentration conducive to easy measuring with a syringe.

 

Keep close tabs on how you feel with the tryptophan, since it is generally not recommended to take serotonergic supplements with meds that increase serotonin levels in the nerve gap.  There's a risk for serotonin syndrome.

 

SG

[alexxxx22]

Thank you very much Silver star this is very helpful to me. Also I think the best thing for me to do at this point is to dissolve my .025mg pills in water is there a way to calculate and do this properly ?

[SquirrellyGirl]

From Tips for tapering risperdal

 

Use the Risperdal liquid solution

Titrating using a liquid is very good for very small measured decreases in dosage, allowing more precise measurements.

from Risperdal Official FDA Information
 

Quote

Risperdal® Oral Solution can be administered directly from the calibrated pipette, or can be mixed with a beverage prior to administration. Risperdal® Oral Solution is compatible in the following beverages: water, coffee, orange juice, and low-fat milk; it is NOT compatible with either cola or tea.

If you mix it with liquid to titrate, you may find you need to slightly adjust the dose up or down. Those adjustments would be by tenths or even hundredths of a milligram.

For tips about using an oral syringe for doses of liquid medication, see http://survivinganti...ring-techniques

Use a tiny 1mL syringe to measure dosages less than 1mg, to hundredths of a milligram.

 

Using a combination of tablets and liquid

Rather than switch directly to an all-liquid dose, you may wish to take part of your dose in liquid and part in tablets, gradually converting to all-liquid as you get to lower dosages. This can be very convenient and reduce any problems switching from one form of the drug to another.

 

alexxxx22, what size pills do you have?  It may be easiest to ask your doctor for the liquid version.  Do you have enough pills that you could sacrifice one to see how it dissolves in water?  You will need some oral syringes.  Are your pills 0.5  mg?  Your sig says you take half of a 0.5 mg pill, is that correct?

 

I'm thinking out loud here and will check with the mods about home-made liquids, stability and such.  So, if you are taking 0.25 mg dry, and you want to start a 10% taper, your goal would be 0.225 mg.  It may be easier to think in terms of %.  It might be safest to dissolve a whole 0.5 mg tablet in water since halving could leave you with 40% in one half and 60% in the other, or 45/55.  One way would be to dissolve that tablet in 20 ml of water.  That would be two days worth.  90% of 10 ml is 9 ml, so taking 9 ml of this solution, well mixed, would give you your desired dose of 0.225 mg.  Your solution would be a 0.025 mg/ml solution.  You could draw off and throw away 2 ml (since for each day you'd be discarding 1 ml), and then the second day take the remaining 9 ml.

 

I'll get back to you :-)

 

SG

[SquirrellyGirl]

Hi again, 

I just wanted to clarify that if you are taking half of a 0.5 mg tablet now, 0.25 mg, then your maximum cut would be 90% of that, which is 0.225 mg.  HOWEVER, when switching to a liquid, you would NOT want to also make a cut, instead taking the full 0.25 mg's worth.  This is to be sure that no problems arise from taking the liquid over the dry.  I'd stay there for two weeks to make sure no problems arise.  Then you could commence tapering if all is well.

 

SG

[alexxxx22]

Okay so yesterday I dissolved a whole 0.5 mg pill in water and drank 90 % of half of it. I felt fine and my plan is to continue this for the next 2 weeks before cutting back again by another 10%. One thing I miss most is that before I started this medication even if I would get frustrated with my efforts to do things like workouts or painting projects or what not I would still return back to it and try again with renewed motivation in some time but now I just don't have exitment at all so I just can't be bothered to keep trying because my efforts don't bring me any pleasure anymore. It's really upsetting because all I want to do is sleep and although before I always loved sleeping I would also become very motivated to get up and do things with my days but now I don't at all and my mum says I'v become lazy.. I miss myself

[SquirrellyGirl]

Good job, alexxx22!  You did a cut at the same time as switching to liquid, so really listen to your body for the next week.  If anything raises up to an uncomfortable level, go to the full 0.25 mg liquid (pre-10% cut) and see if that helps.  I would let this sit a full month.

 

I know being in this anhedonic state of low to no motivation is really awful, but it is in no way permanent and you will get yourself back, but it will take time. 

 

BTW, I saw your taper plan in your sig and it is a bit aggressive, cutting 10% every two weeks.  When we plan ahead with the calendar we are more likely to get into trouble.  As you get lower in your dose, it gets harder and such large cuts are likely to really cause instability.  I know risperidone isn't in this paper but these meds all seem to follow a similar pattern with the receptor occupancies.  See the graphs starting on page 4 to see what I am talking about at the lower doses.  Notice the steepness of the curve at the low end of these drugs.  What that means is that very small dosage changes free up relatively large numbers of receptors, which means DESTABILIZATION!  This is why it is so important to slow it down the lower you go.

 

http://ils.unc.edu/bmh/neoref/this.dir.unneeded/schizophrenia/review/tmp/352.pdf

 

I wish I could figure out how to paste the graph directly into my post!

 

Believe me, I understand the thought processes going on where you are at right now.  Withdrawal and tapering are at the forefront of every day.  It will really be better, though, if you can let go of the calendar, stick with a current dosage and otherwise try to distract yourself from overthinking this.  Try to live life as if this isn't going on, as best you can.  Act as if.  I know it is hard, been there myself :-)

 

SG

[alexxxx22]

Okay so saw my pharmacist today and explained my plan but he told me its best to keep doin what I have been doing which is skipping every other day since it's a slow release drug until I'm only taking it once a week. He said to cut down every two weeks to make it one less day of taking my pill bi weekly. Because I have been doing this type of cut backs already for some time cutting back by 50% and have had nothing but good come of it I would like to continue trying this. I have not read the symptoms list yet as my mind is very placebo effected and I know if I read them I will worry myself into experiencing those symptoms. My journey will last until the end of July and I would like to continue posting my experiences here even though I'm not tapering by ten % for others who like me were misdiagnosed and placed on this medication and want to get off in a similar way. Also the other reason I have decided to do it this way is because when I dissolved the pill in water I noticed there was still quite a lot of gritty residue lingering in the bottom of my cup despite how much I mixed it up so I felt I was loosing a lot of the pill and this worries me. My plan is now to get my mother and grandmother whom I live with bi weekly to read the symptomalogy list and keep an eye out for me. I have made an appointment with my doctor for two days from now and my naturopath for two weeks from now. I am starting a yoga class to reduce my stress. Please let me stay in communication with you all on this website because I believe communication is the key and this is why I speak with my doctor often my pharmacist bi weekly and my naturopath regularly. Sorry for the change up

[Fresh]

Please update your signature to reflect your proposed tapering plan.

 

Good luck.

[alexxxx22]

Tonight to make this transition smoother I made an anxiety depression blend of essential oils and placed them in my water vapour defuser the blend is 3 drops cedar wood oil, 3 drops of rose oil, 3 drops of lavender oil, 3 drops of bergamot oil and 4 drops of frankincense oil. I then took an all natural lavender bees wax salve added two drops of lavender essential oil, 2 drops of cedar wood essential oil and 2 drops rose essential oil added half a tsp of auvocado oil (carrier oil) and rubbed this on my hands and pillows temples and jaw line. I am going to bed listening to Louise hay you can heal your life sleep meditation. This will be my nightly routine every night for the next little while.

[SquirrellyGirl]

Ok, alexxx, keep us posted as to your experience.  Maybe you are one of the lucky ones for whom this type of taper will work for.  We advocate the 10% taper as a catch-all for the most sensitive and easily harmed, but it is possible that this could work for you.  Just know that if you start to run into trouble, you can up-dose to the last dosage you were comfortable on and stabilize there, then re-assess.

 

Good luck!

SG

[alexxxx22]

Thank you silver star that is reassuring to know as this all brings up some anxiety as I'm not sure what to expect but I do hope that because I was misperscribed these meds my body does not need them and cutting back will be okay for me.. I'm not sure it it works like that though.. Before being on these meds I was the type of person to not even take Advil or Tylenol or ibprophin. Not even cough medicine only herbal teas. This was because when I was 8 I was put on Ritalin for my attention and when I got a bad cold I was given cough medicine which caused hallucinations for days. This was very traumatic for me and ever since then I have not been very friendly with western medicine.

[DrEnforcicle]

Hi alexxxx22,

 

Sorry to hear you're going through this.

I don't have any tips for your gradual discontinuation, but your story sounds similar to mine

 

I apparently have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and this causes severe nervous ticks, OCD, sometimes obsessive thoughts and emotional outbursts. Mid-late December last year I was informally admitted to hospital and discharged two days latter with an indefinite prescription of Risperidone at 2mg daily. 

 

I am exceptionally reluctant to touch ANY drugs and for some reason even after explaining my strong opposition and resistance to taking anything which will affect my personality, behavior, emotions or intellect I was prescribed an incredibly powerful anti-psychotic (I didn't know at the time, I just trusted the Doctor).

 

I never liked the effects of this drug, it makes me feel too passive, relaxed and I feel like it suppresses some of my feelings and emotions (esp the deep and complex ones), which is very painful for me as I've always seen myself as kinda sensitive. Anyway I took it for approximately 2 moths before I became more concerned that the drug wasn't working for me, as calming anxiety is just not worth compromising my emotional health and how I feel about myself. So after convincing doctors / parents I decided to come of the drug to return to how I was and manage the anxiety in more natural way.

 

So I began (And still do) rigorously searching the internet for stories of people who have taken this drug to calm my anxiety and give me hope that I will return to how I was. By doing so I have come across lots of horror stories of people saying that this drug brain damages you and you'll never recover (However many of which were using other drugs involving powerful stimulants which it is advised not to do, and some where early in their recovery), but there are many forum posts where people have recovered. However looking at the negative reviews has me paranoid that I'll never be myself ever again and never be able to feel love for the first time.

 

From what I gathered (speaking to doctors and searching the internet) once you discontinue the drug you most likely will recover back to your old self but it can take a looooong time. Not only does the (Powerful) drug have to leave your body, but your brain must also take time after discontinuation to return to it's old self. Risperidone in particular will take a long time as it is a very potent antagonist and it's an irreversible antagonist to one receptor, this means your brain will have to recycle the channel protein after discontinuation. 

 

Needless to say, like you I also can't feel my emotions to the same extent I could, or bond with people properly. I don't feel entirely like myself and I really want my feelings and emotions to go back to how they were before I took the meds, and I'm worried I may never be the same again. This has skyrocketed my anxiety and lead to painful moments where I try to express emotion (eg  properly crying to deal with negativity) and end up feeling stuck and honestly hit myself till I bruise as I just don't have a satisfying way to deal with negativity. (It's absolute torture, but if you want more info on that though I would prefer a PM) 

 

I'm currently still on 0.5 mg as it has taken me ~ just over a month to tapper down this far, but I will soon be off. I am scared about withdraw and how I will be after discontinuation (I may have to go back on and tapper more slowly, but hopefully I won't have to).

 

Either way, we're both still on the drug and so the effects will still be there. It sounds like it may take a long time for us to return to our old selves, so don't worry if you don't notice immediate changes as from what I gather it can be a long and gradual improvement. 

 

I'm sure you'll be fine It is nice to find someone who is also worried about the same things and good to hear you're using natural supplements to help your mental health, please keep us updated on your progress, and best of luck!

 

Here's my forum post about my concerns if you;re interested, I'm thinking about using this site instead however I don't want to spam the internet with repeated posts: http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/thread131926.html

 

DrEnforcicle

[brassmonkey]

Hi DrEnforcicle -- welcome to the group.  Would you please start a thread in the introduction forum so we can get to know you.

[apace41]

Thank you silver star that is reassuring to know as this all brings up some anxiety as I'm not sure what to expect but I do hope that because I was misperscribed these meds my body does not need them and cutting back will be okay for me.. I'm not sure it it works like that though..

 

Alexxxx22,

 

At the end of the day this is your journey and nobody on SA will try to "force" you to taper according to our preferred method of 10% every 4-6 weeks on a daily basis.  We can only hope that you are successful in your approach and that if you find yourself becoming symptomatic that you come back to the site to advise us and allow us to do our best to help you back on course.

 

It's a difficult journey but there are many stories of people who get off without major adverse consequences.  They tend not to be on this site because they have no need for us.  I hope you are one of them.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[JanCarol]

Hey Alexxxx, welcome to SA!

 

First off, your naturopath helped you to feel better.  There are a few of us who have gotten benefit from Ashwaganda, but you said:

Since then I have been to a naturopath and she checked my serotonin levels and said I am deficient so I should start taking L-tryptophan 4 times a day.

Short of an autopsy, there is no physical way to know what your serotonin levels are.  You can find out how much you are secreting in urine, but that has nothing to do with the levels of serotonin in your brain, and may not even relate to the serotonin in your system.  If you are not secreting in your urine, it may mean that you have plenty of serotonin in your system, and are hanging on to it..  90% of your serotonin is in your gut, and some practitioners call it the "second brain."

 

l-Tryptophan may be helping you, but it is a risky supplement for people on psych drugs, and should be treated with respect, and used with great care.  Just because it is an over-the-counter supplement does not mean that it cannot hurt you.  Going from 1x a day to 4x a day set off alarm bells for me.

 

Just as we taper off drugs carefully, we also recommend careful use of supplements - start small and gradually build up.  Increases like this tell me that your naturopath is unaware of the dangers of withdrawal.   That doesn't mean s/he is a bad naturopath - MOST naturopaths have no idea about these things.

 

Please see:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/9933-5-htp-5-hydroxytryptophan-and-l-tryptophan/

 

You wrote: 

I have currently started lactating which means I am infertile for now and my sex drive is totally zero. 

Oh, I am so terribly sorry to hear this.  I can imagine that this is alarming.  Though I wouldn't worry about the "infertility" thing since you are not trying to have a baby right now.

 

What really alarmed me though, was your signature, which says:

Taking risperidone for the past 5 months which caused my appetite to disapear completly (October 20th - March 22nd) as of the 22nd of march I have slowly began weaning off of it by taking 0.25mg pill once daily. On the 4th of April 2016 I cut back to 0.22mg On April 5th I did not take a pill. For two weeks I will be taking my pill every other day. Then I will began taking my pill every two days for two weeks and after the two weeks it will be cut back to every third day then every fourth day and all the way down to once a week. I will stay at once a week for two or three weeks before I stop completely this will take me through to the end of June.

Please hear me when I say that it is unwise to withdraw by skipping doses.  This is destabilizing, and could cause any number of symptoms (I won't name them because I don't want to predict).  Taking a tablet every other day, means that every other day you are in withdrawal.  It's like playing ping-pong with your brain, and hinders your chances at a successful taper.

 

The half-life of risperdal is about 20 hours, which means that you are getting no medicine/drug on the days that you skip.  The break-through symptoms can be debilitating, and can be mistaken for "your illness coming back," when really - it is just withdrawal.

 

You wrote:

 I was following a spiritual whim of new age spirituality based out of the book the Celeste prophacy yet also dealing with stress, conflicting beliefs and seeds of fear that I had been trying to ignore for a while by not feeding them (stuff about nano technology and chem trails, walk-ins, aliens, twin flames and how the government doesn't want us to evolve to a new level of consciousness) 

Sounds like you and me can fall down some of the same rabbit holes.  

 

CBT can help a lot - but I choose to entertain these possibilities even though I cannot talk about them many places.  Instead, though, of accepting them as "THE TRUTH," I consider them alternative stories or narratives to the dominant narrative presented in the main stream media.

 

It is possible for a thing to be true and not-true at the same time, in the spiritual and quantum realm.  Is it a particle or a wave?  Yes, yes, no, no.  Both are true, depending on the perspective of the observer.

 

But it can be dangerous to get "brain sticky" (that's a technical term!) in any one of these narratives - just as it is dangerous to be brain-sticky in the dominant story, too.  If I find I'm giving too much energy to chem-trails, or New World Order, or the evils of the Federal Reserve, or False Flag events - I also try to look at the other side of the story.  Even if, say, the Boston Marathon Bombing was a false flag event - there are STILL people who suffered on that day, who were hurt.  Compassion for them - even just a little bit - helps keep me from getting too "sticky brain" in the conspiracy world.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Then you wrote:

when i get a fear in my head my anxiety is so bad that i often have perceived that fear to be a reality until i push through my fear and come out the other end unharmed proving to myself it was not based in reality. I was also following syncronisities in my daily life on a spiritual whim and learning a lot about the world but also for some reason was relating it all back to myself looking for how it was connected to me which obviously nothing was so i kept being left with questions as to what my role was in the world, my purpose. 

Which leads me to believe you understand what I mean.

 

And following synchronicities - so vital, such an important guide to our lives - but you come to a point where you realize that while YOUR world has you in the center, THE world has you as a speck of dust on a small blue planet on the edge of a little rural galaxy.  Perspective helps the sticky brain.

 

Some of my teachers talk about learning from my symptoms.  That they are a form of compass, as well as the synchronicities.  If something gives me anxiety - then there is a lesson there for me to learn.  If something is pressing down on me, and I become O-pressed and De-pressed - it is my body - my oh-so-wise body - guiding me in ways to make changes towards growth, towards a healthier me.

 

This is an example of your body guiding you:

To go for walks felt heavy and cumbersome and exhausting but if I ran instead of walked or if i danced instead of walking I felt okay. 

 

So - ecstatic dance is probably a gift for you.  http://beyondmeds.com/2013/12/30/more-shamanic-dancing/

 

Your body has expressed a clear preference for healing through dance, for learning and growing through dance.  

 

You are young, and this numb feeling you are getting from the drug won't last forever.

 

Already, you are clearer than you were on 2.5 mg.  

 

I need to read further to comment further - but it is late and I have an early morning appointment.

 

I will look at your posts some more tomorrow.

 

I hope you see the sun today (and feel it!)

[JanCarol]

i want to get off them by the end of April. 

 

If you rush, you may pay a higher price.

 

When you jump off a cliff - you have no control over how you land.  And with psych drugs - the fall might take 3-6 or more MONTHS.  

 

So it is much better to rapell gently down the side of the cliff, a little at a time, to control your descent, so you can stop and take a breath and a rest when you get symptoms or fear.  By lowering gently, it's called "harm reduction," and can reduce the worst of the withdrawal - sometimes eliminating withdrawal symptoms completely.

 

and as you go down - you will become clearer and clearer as you go.  So it's not like you have to eliminate the drug completely to begin to feel like you are healing.

 

Okay, NOW I'm going to bed!  

[JanCarol]

G'day Alexxxx - 

 

You wrote:

 

 

I am starting a yoga class to reduce my stress. 

Yayyyy!  Another Yogini!

 

Remember to be kind to yourself in yoga class.  It's not a competition, it's not about perfection - it's about being the best your body can be.  Aussies in particular are very competitive about "doing it right," even if it means injuring themselves.  As an American in an Australian yoga class, I sometimes have to look away, and let them learn from their own injuries.  I'm not the teacher, there.

 

I remember doing yoga while anhedonic, and it was sheer torture, to try and feel my body when I had no *feeling* in my heart, and it hurt to breathe, I felt as if I didn't deserve the breaths I took.  I persisted, and yoga is much better now.  (I also suffered cultic abuse in the name of yoga, and have had some issues to work through there, so - challenging stuff).

 

How does yoga feel for you?

 

You wrote:

 

 

Please let me stay in communication with you all on this website because I believe communication is the key 

 

That is what we are here for!  At first, I wrote furiously in my pages, putting down all kinds of stuff that didn't relate to my taper.  It didn't matter, and I received warm support for all the strange iterations my journey has taken.

 

It's what we're here for - this isn't exactly a "support group," more of an "information group" - but - that said, there are people here who understand psych drug withdrawal - and the resulting complications! - better than anywhere else in the world.

 

You wrote:

 

 

3 drops cedar wood oil, 3 drops of rose oil, 3 drops of lavender oil, 3 drops of bergamot oil and 4 drops of frankincense oil

Yum!  I've heard great things about using essential oils, as long as it is topical and not internal.  Some people have gotten into trouble using them internally.

 

I saw a science show last night about bees, lavender, and banana peels.  Bees and humans are calmed in lavender - it is deep wired into us!  But if you want to chase away the bees (and, apparently, the humans) just leave banana peels around.  But who would want to chase away the amazing bee tribe?  Ah, the things that scientists do!

 

But the point of the program was to demonstrate that there is a great deal of brain devoted to scent.  And that scent and memory are deeply tied up - a banana-peel bee cannot make new memories, but a lavender bee is excellent at making new memories and using them.  Huh.

 

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on these topics!

[alexxxx22]

Hi alexxxx22,

 

Sorry to hear you're going through this.

I don't have any tips for your gradual discontinuation, but your story sounds similar to mine

 

I apparently have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and this causes severe nervous ticks, OCD, sometimes obsessive thoughts and emotional outbursts. Mid-late December last year I was informally admitted to hospital and discharged two days latter with an indefinite prescription of Risperidone at 2mg daily. 

 

I am exceptionally reluctant to touch ANY drugs and for some reason even after explaining my strong opposition and resistance to taking anything which will affect my personality, behavior, emotions or intellect I was prescribed an incredibly powerful anti-psychotic (I didn't know at the time, I just trusted the Doctor).

 

I never liked the effects of this drug, it makes me feel too passive, relaxed and I feel like it suppresses some of my feelings and emotions (esp the deep and complex ones), which is very painful for me as I've always seen myself as kinda sensitive. Anyway I took it for approximately 2 moths before I became more concerned that the drug wasn't working for me, as calming anxiety is just not worth compromising my emotional health and how I feel about myself. So after convincing doctors / parents I decided to come of the drug to return to how I was and manage the anxiety in more natural way.

 

So I began (And still do) rigorously searching the internet for stories of people who have taken this drug to calm my anxiety and give me hope that I will return to how I was. By doing so I have come across lots of horror stories of people saying that this drug brain damages you and you'll never recover (However many of which were using other drugs involving powerful stimulants which it is advised not to do, and some where early in their recovery), but there are many forum posts where people have recovered. However looking at the negative reviews has me paranoid that I'll never be myself ever again and never be able to feel love for the first time.

 

From what I gathered (speaking to doctors and searching the internet) once you discontinue the drug you most likely will recover back to your old self but it can take a looooong time. Not only does the (Powerful) drug have to leave your body, but your brain must also take time after discontinuation to return to it's old self. Risperidone in particular will take a long time as it is a very potent antagonist and it's an irreversible antagonist to one receptor, this means your brain will have to recycle the channel protein after discontinuation. 

 

Needless to say, like you I also can't feel my emotions to the same extent I could, or bond with people properly. I don't feel entirely like myself and I really want my feelings and emotions to go back to how they were before I took the meds, and I'm worried I may never be the same again. This has skyrocketed my anxiety and lead to painful moments where I try to express emotion (eg  properly crying to deal with negativity) and end up feeling stuck and honestly hit myself till I bruise as I just don't have a satisfying way to deal with negativity. (It's absolute torture, but if you want more info on that though I would prefer a PM) 

 

I'm currently still on 0.5 mg as it has taken me ~ just over a month to tapper down this far, but I will soon be off. I am scared about withdraw and how I will be after discontinuation (I may have to go back on and tapper more slowly, but hopefully I won't have to).

 

Either way, we're both still on the drug and so the effects will still be there. It sounds like it may take a long time for us to return to our old selves, so don't worry if you don't notice immediate changes as from what I gather it can be a long and gradual improvement. 

 

I'm sure you'll be fine It is nice to find someone who is also worried about the same things and good to hear you're using natural supplements to help your mental health, please keep us updated on your progress, and best of luck!

 

Here's my forum post about my concerns if you;re interested, I'm thinking about using this site instead however I don't want to spam the internet with repeated posts: http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/thread131926.html

 

DrEnforcicle

Dont worry I think you will be fine best of luck to you also with your weaning off the meds. 

[alexxxx22]

G'day Alexxxx - 

 

You wrote:

 

 

I am starting a yoga class to reduce my stress. 

Yayyyy!  Another Yogini!

 

Remember to be kind to yourself in yoga class.  It's not a competition, it's not about perfection - it's about being the best your body can be.  Aussies in particular are very competitive about "doing it right," even if it means injuring themselves.  As an American in an Australian yoga class, I sometimes have to look away, and let them learn from their own injuries.  I'm not the teacher, there.

 

I remember doing yoga while anhedonic, and it was sheer torture, to try and feel my body when I had no *feeling* in my heart, and it hurt to breathe, I felt as if I didn't deserve the breaths I took.  I persisted, and yoga is much better now.  (I also suffered cultic abuse in the name of yoga, and have had some issues to work through there, so - challenging stuff).

 

How does yoga feel for you?

 

You wrote:

 

 

Please let me stay in communication with you all on this website because I believe communication is the key 

 

That is what we are here for!  At first, I wrote furiously in my pages, putting down all kinds of stuff that didn't relate to my taper.  It didn't matter, and I received warm support for all the strange iterations my journey has taken.

 

It's what we're here for - this isn't exactly a "support group," more of an "information group" - but - that said, there are people here who understand psych drug withdrawal - and the resulting complications! - better than anywhere else in the world.

 

You wrote:

 

 

3 drops cedar wood oil, 3 drops of rose oil, 3 drops of lavender oil, 3 drops of bergamot oil and 4 drops of frankincense oil

Yum!  I've heard great things about using essential oils, as long as it is topical and not internal.  Some people have gotten into trouble using them internally.

 

I saw a science show last night about bees, lavender, and banana peels.  Bees and humans are calmed in lavender - it is deep wired into us!  But if you want to chase away the bees (and, apparently, the humans) just leave banana peels around.  But who would want to chase away the amazing bee tribe?  Ah, the things that scientists do!

 

But the point of the program was to demonstrate that there is a great deal of brain devoted to scent.  And that scent and memory are deeply tied up - a banana-peel bee cannot make new memories, but a lavender bee is excellent at making new memories and using them.  Huh.

 

I look forward to hearing your thoughts on these topics!

Thats really very interesting! Thank you for all the information and support. while annadonic yoga was extremely difficult, breathing was very shallow and not enjoyable at all. I was in hot yoga classes and usually i loved challenging myself and holding poses and the stretches felt amazing and refreshing but not while anhedonic. all i could do was wish for it to be over and it was very uncomfortable and not enjoyable at all. sometimes it feels very uncomfortable to be in my body.

[alexxxx22]

An update on how I am feeling:

I have cut back to 3 Ltryptophan a day as 4 may be causing waves of chills and goosebumps. they only seem to come on the night after not taking the meds for a day. so im not sure which it is. but its very annoying other than that im doing okay and feeling going off the meds.   

[alexxxx22]

okay so basically i have spoken with my pharmacist and it turns out that the chills and waves of goosebumps are withdrawal from the meds. He has told me to stick it out unless my lymph nods become very sensitive which they have not yet. so i take it that im still doing alright. Apparently these chills will happen for a few weeks and then they should subside.  

[alexxxx22]

okay so i have an update. i am now down to taking the 0.25 risperidone every 4 days and I am feeling alot better getting off it. Now when I take the pill it makes me sleepy and gives me the chills a little bit but other than that my sex drive is coming back so im happy about that.