Hopeinahpwr

[Hopeinahpwr]

KarenB,

 

You ain't kidding!!!!

[Hopeinahpwr]

So I just received a call from my sister. There was a loss in our family. It's making me once again remember that life is truly, truly a beautiful thing. I realize that when someone is in the throws of suffering from coming off an AD, it may not seem that way...I've been there and will again be there most likely when I begin my taper...but if even in ones darkest hour, we can see one thing...just one thing that lets us see a sliver of hope, of beauty, of how amazing life really is...I pray that we all are able to realize that life is a truly special gift and pray that that realization will sustain, will bring hope and healing. An example was when I was hit after c/t'ing from Zoloft with the horrible feelings...I was driving to work and I saw a beautiful patch of the brightest yellow flowers, brighter than the sun!!!! It made me smile inside and realize that life still goes on, that life is a special gift. I'm praying for us all!

Ben

[apace41]

Ben,

 

I am very sorry for your loss. 

 

I read your words and felt compelled to come here and thank you for that reminder.  It can be so hard to see the light while you are flailing away in the darkness.  Having someone very simply remind you that there is a reason for the suffering, an end goal to aspire to, a beacon shining in the distance, can be all the difference.

 

Thank you.

 

Andy

 

[Hopeinahpwr]

Thank you Andy,

 

I really appreciate that.

 

Ben

[gigi63]

Hi Hope,  This is Triple M.  I just want to encourage you.  I just very recently went through a cut that really put me in a pit!!!  I too reinstated at a higher dose than the previous cut.  WhY?   I was horrified as you were at how aweful I felt.  Very Scarey.  I will tell you this.  I am brand new to this site.  Read James Heany's article on When to reinstate Your SSRI.  It was so very helpful for me to hear his words say that when this happens, it is all part of the weaning process.  Part of our journey.  I understand the feeling like, " I am having to go back up, UGHH!!!!" but, I can tell you this, as he states, ' Quality is so important in our journey.  I need some quality of life as I continue on this journey.  It has been difficult for me and all of the others here. I am back up so guess what.  I now have to wean longer and slower, but as my husband and father said, " So what, it took you 8 plus years to get here, so what if it takes a couple to get off!!!!" I will hold onto this and will you please remind me of this as I get impatient and feel sad about it.  THank you.  I am NEW to this site as of today. 

[Hopeinahpwr]

Triple M,

 

Thank you for your words. I'll tell you, what started this all for me was last November/December, me reading online the article about the Bologna, Italy study, about how long term AD use they now say leads to depression!!!!.....I had never had depression and didn't want it, so ofcourse I had to get off the meds. Well, when that wave hit me of depression, I thought oh my God...now I will have a life of depression????....it was so scary and shocking.....I was beside myself! I am still scared about having any depression when I begin to again taper.....I pray the studies are wrong.....

 

Yes, guess it was naïve of me to think after 15 years of an AD, that I could just stop it, but I thought it was as easy as just tapering off. Now I know it may be years of tapering to finally wean off. I am okay with that as long as I am back to myself in the end!....with no depression!!!!

 

I am praying for you,

 

Ben

[Hopeinahpwr]

So moving to a new house over the next week or so and I've been off from work prepping. Tonight is my first night back and a dark cloud descended. It worries me a little, but I truly believe it was that " Sunday night, Monday morning back to work" type of feeling...I always miss my wife and daughters too when I leave them for work; something I have to get out of because everyone has to work, right! I'm praying for us all.

Ben

[KarenB]

You'll want to really take good care of yourself when shifting - it's a stressful thing, and having some extra supports and things in place could be really helpful.  Go easy on yourself for the next wee while.

[Hopeinahpwr]

Thank you Karen. Two things I've really taken for this forum is the importance of a slow taper and the idea of being easier on oneself...I really try to be more forgiving of myself and understanding to what I am dealing with. I'm praying for us.

Ben

[Hopeinahpwr]

So our move to the new home is complete and I am back to work today after a little over a week off...it was a very productive time! I've been feeling great, back to my usual self! It's really given me a sense of hope and confidence that after reducing the AD...the mind truly can regain equilibrium and readjust to less medication; eventually lower and lower until there is no more in the system. Slow and steady, slow and steady! I pray everyone on this forum is having a good stretch...and if you are in a wave...remember...it can only get better.

 

Ben

[apace41]

Great to hear you are feeling well and survived the move without incident, Ben.

 

Just to be clear, where are you on the medicine at this point?

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Hopeinahpwr]

Good morning Andy,

 

Great to hear from you! I'm currently at 100mg of Sertraline HCL. I'm planning another month or two at this level and then I will start my taper...slowly though this time, I'm figuring five to six months at a minimum at each drop. How are you feeling?

 

Ben

[apace41]

Glad you were able to get back to your baseline at 100mg and are feeling good.  A slow steady drop would be the best way to proceed to get off these meds so you are wise to use that as your approach.  5-6 months is a pretty long hold period.  Far be it for me to try to rush you along, however, if you find yourself stable in a shorter period of time it is certainly an option.

 

I've been going through some difficult times between bad insomnia issues and generally trying to stabilize on liquid after some increases/decreases a few months back.  Just keeping my nose to the grindstone and holding for the foreseeable future.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[Hopeinahpwr]

Andy, that's all we can do...keep our nose to the grindstone and just keep moving forward!!! I'm saying a prayer for you!

 

Ben

[gigi63]

Hi Ben, I have just read through your thread. Everyone is so kind and encouraging. It is refreshing!!! Slow and steady!!! This is what I am also taking from all. Easy and gentle on self. For me the waves are aweful as I know they are for all. I like what you say Ben about sitting for enough time in between cuts. I am only 26 days into my increased dose of bupropion. As I mentioned to you before, I am feeling better but surely not where I hope to be. I too am consistently reminding myself that the waves are a good sign of reconstruction. The brain is working to right itself. I am also very encouraged to hear that nearly or two months in after your reinstatement you can really tell Neuro is healing. As Jan Carol told me, holding is a blessing. And Fresh also has said this. A time to reconstruct. Ben did you read the article written by a member who stopped benzodiazepines? This person compared the recovery process to rebuilding the towers in NY. It is powerful!!! This person does say " a truth to embrace, our brains do heal!!!!" Very helpful to me. In the waves sometimes it doesn't seem so. However, I am really trying to accept the waves as a part of this reconstruction that is happening. I am praying for all of us. Victory!!! Slow steady progress!!!!

[Hopeinahpwr]

In my continual push to understand the situation we are all in with these ADs; to find more sources of hope for recovery...I just find it hard to believe that recovery isn't truly possible. I mean, myself for example...I've been taking the Sertraline now for approximately 15 years and we all know what happened from my signature what happened when I stopped...but if long term issues and permanent damage were the only star in the sky going forward...how cone I dropped 50mg and now feel fine? Sure...it was a rough road for a while...but my mind must have adjusted to the lesser dose of the AD...so it proves it can happen. According to what I read about the mind and my very limited understanding about neurons, etc...they are frequently throughput our lives dying off and regenerating...so why wouldn't they continue to do so once the medicine is begun or stopped??? To me this shows there is hope...the mind is an amazing thing!!!!!!

[kitschywoman]

Just wanted to stop in and say that I'm in almost exactly the same spot you are, Ben.  I've taken AD's for 15 years now, with Sertraline being my current incarnation.  I tried to taper from 100mg down to 50mg last summer, but went too quickly and had to reinstate at 75mg.  I rode out the winter at that dose and am now starting my taper using a combination of pills/liquid.  Like you, I was able to stabilize at that lower dose, so I think further improvements are in our futures.

[Hopeinahpwr]

Hi Kitschywoman,

Yes, very similar to my situation indeed. If I may, what did you originally start on the AD for? Look at the bright side, you had to reinstate to 75mg, but it's still lower than the 100mg you were on ;-) Same thing I did! How did you come across liquid Sertraline?

Ben

[apace41]

Ben and Kitschy,

 

Isn't liquid Sertraline the most delicious thing ever?!

 

WTF?  Did they have to make it with battery acid?

 

Ugh.

 

Andy

[Hopeinahpwr]

I thought they didn't make sertraline in liquid form???

[kitschywoman]

Seriously.  Liquid Sertraline tasted like doom, and it really revved up my insomnia.  After a few days, I switched to dissolving my 25mg half pill in water instead.  My own liquid doesn't taste much better, but I chug it and tell myself it's for the best.  I'm just going to keep making my own.  That way I can make it more dilute as I get to lower doses.

 

How long did it take you to adjust to the liquid, Andy?  I started having insomnia when I took the Greenstone brand liquid Sertraline.  Literally lit me up after about 3 days.  I've been on my own liquid for a few days, but the insomnia is still persisting.  :/  So I'm holding my dose at 25mg homemade liquid and 50mg pill until things settle down.

 

Ben, I started my AD years ago for generalized anxiety disorder and depression that was brought on by a bad housing situation.  No one ever bothered to tell me I should try coming off of it, so I stayed on it and went through a few poop-outs.  I've realized that I need to go really slowly if I want to try life without ADs.

[kitschywoman]

Oh, they make liquid Sertraline, all right.  I've got a bottle I'm not using, since it tastes like doom and revvs up my insomnia.  XD

 

My doc had no problems getting it for me.  It was the Greenstone brand, which was made by Pfizer originally.  Not sure if they're still the manufacturers now.  It was more expensive, though.  $50 vs. my usual $6 co-pay.

 

I have to say that it's really easy to dissolve your own pills in water, though.  Mine breaks down very quickly.  I'm just using plain water now, since I'm not cutting my dose yet (just getting my body used to taking part of my dose in liquid), but I'm going to add some of that suspension liquid that pharmacists use when I start to make my liquid cuts.

[apace41]

How long did it take you to adjust to the liquid, Andy?  I started having insomnia when I took the Greenstone brand liquid Sertraline.  Literally lit me up after about 3 days.  I've been on my own liquid for a few days, but the insomnia is still persisting.  :/  So I'm holding my dose at 25mg homemade liquid and 50mg pill until things settle down.

 

To be honest, Kitschy, I'm not sure if I have fully adjusted to the liquid.  When I was moving down from 50mg to 25mg I used part pill and part liquid and didn't seem to have any major problems.  If you read my thread you will see that I made a calculation error when I started to taper from 25mg in late February.  I got thrown off and decided to switch over to all liquid for accuracy purposes.  I started getting horrible insomnia (up 3 nights straight without a wink) and I've been battling to regain control ever since.  I don't know how much of it is the liquid and how much is the result of other factors but it's been a difficult time trying to stabilize.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[kitschywoman]

Interesting.  Were your pills the same brand as the liquid?  I decided to keep mine the same for that very reason by making my own liquid.  Mixing brands is just one more variable I'd prefer to not throw into the equation.

 

Hop on over to my thread if you want to reply so we don't clutter up poor Ben's with our war stories.    

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/10164-kitschywoman-errrhappy-to-be-here-i-guess-kitschywoman/

 

I hope to switch over to all liquid at 25mg, too, but that's a ways away.

[Hopeinahpwr]

It's time! This Saturday I will be reducing my dose. I have a miligram scale and will reduce my 100mg pill ever so slightly. Planning on holding for a few months, probably longer, to see how this works! Prayers please! I'm praying for us all!

Ben

[Hopeinahpwr]

So I've been altering my 100mg pills now, starting at .310 for a 100mg pill and am now down to .280 on the scale...which I figure is at about 80-85mg??? All is going well as I've had no real issues, though we all know things can change fast with late onset neuro-emotions...but, so far, so good. I've been reducing by .010 each month, or basically on each new Rx refill. Slow and steady!

 

Prayers for everyone...we'll get through this!

 

Ben 

[RachelSusan]

Hi Ben,

I read all of your postings and I have a particular interest because I too am on Zoloft and will start tapering very soon. I purchased a scale and I'm just waiting for it to get here to start.  I hate to hear of anyone being in discomfort while trying to get off this medication. I am so sorry you went through what you did but I'm very happy you are stabilized. Sounds like you are doing the taper in a wonderful and methodical method.  Good luck.

RS

[Hopeinahpwr]

Hi Rachel,

 

Goodluck to you as well. If you need any help or have questions, please feel free to ask me. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Ben 

[Hopeinahpwr]

hello All,

 

Just want to update you on my current status if you are following along...

 

I'm doing well, still at my current dose of .260 (100mg = .310).

 

Nothing strange or out of the ordinary as far as feelings, physical or mental. Knock-on-wood! ;-) It's funny, as I use my daily CBT when needed and meditation along with my cardio and strength training, I realize that it's truly key to understand that life is basically boring, monotonous at times...BUT THAT'S OKAY! We can't aleways expect to be full of elation and joy...that is truly out of the ordinary! Everyone has ups and downs, daily...and to always expect to be in some state of constant happiness or joy is not realistic. But as long as we can appreciate the beauty in life everyday and overcome the "downs", or atleast turn them into something positive...then we will be fine!   

 

God bless you all!

 

Ben 

.. 

[Hopeinahpwr]

Good afternoon, 

 

Just updating my situation if your following along...I'm still at my .260 dose (cutting my 100mg sertraline pills which weigh .310)...I plan on staying at this point for a while to fully give my mind time to level out. In the past few days, I've noticed little signs of my anxiety issues creeping up on me, but I am more than able to catch it, having lived with this anxiety/OCD for so long. I turn to my meditation and CBT to really help, and it does! I just remind myself everyday that I have much in my life to be grateful for and that I did not ask for these anxiety/OCD issues...they just run in my family. I also understand that the things that are triggering my anxiety are common everyday things that everyone deals with, nothing out of the ordinary...and it helps me to realize that. For example, work/boss/job security stress, having a party at my home this weekend for my daughter's birthday, which has quickly grown from a small gathering to a HUGE party!...my wife's work issues, etc...we've all been there (If you have not, please tell me how you do it! ;-) ) 

 

Please, please...if you need to talk about anything along these lines that I can help with through my experiences, feel free to chat away with me! It not only helps me to discuss my experiences, but I want to help others as well, as this wonderful site does!!! 

 

God bless you all, we will get through this together!

 

Ben 

[scallywag]

Just a note about dosage for the record: .260/.310 = 83.9%, so your current dosage is 83.9 mg. 

 

Would you update your signature to show this dose and the date you decreased to it? Thanks.

[Hopeinahpwr]

Thank you Scallywag, my math skills are not the best! ;-) I updated my signature

Ben

[Hopeinahpwr]

So I had a pretty rough neuro-emotion night lastnight, but thought of what has been stated on this site and what my good friend Triplem15 reminded me of, regarding going easy on myself. Even this morning, I woke-up around my usual time, but just didn't get out of bed for a while. Thought a bit, read news on my phone...kids at school, my wife's at work...and thought...so what if a lie here a bit, I have nothing to do until work later! ;-) It's funny, I can definitely tell when it is neuro-emotions that I'm feeling because even in the midst of feeling them, I think...Ben, relax...your blowing these thoughts out of proportion! 

 

I found a website that I found beneficial and others may as well...it discusses the idea of having, during neuro-emotions and healing from ADs, what the person calls "magnetizing obsession." It's basically the point that we may become fixated on different issues from the past, present, or future worry that because of our neuro-emotions...we fixate on, but may understand that if our minds were totally healed, we would not worry about so much, even if what we are obsessing on is partly entrenched in reality...i.e., my poor relationship with my boss and my obsessing on getting fired, losing my home, etc...the website is...

 

antidepressantwithdrawal.info

 

We will get through this my friends, as others have before us, and others will long after us!

 

Praying for us all...

 

Ben 

[Hopeinahpwr]

Having a rough neuro-emotion stretch, over past three days. Came out of no where...very anxious, down, melancholy. I'm down about work and obsessing over issues there, I.e., with my boss, down on myself and judging...just a rough patch! Praying for some good days ahead!

 

Ben

[Hopeinahpwr]

It's been a while since I last posted, but all is going pretty well; pretty steady. I'm at 75mg of Sertraline...so basically half of what I've been on for years and am doing well. I credit a lot of this to using CBT, meditation, classical music and just plain growing spiritually and older. I plan on staying at 75mg for some time and letting my mind settle down by finding equilibrium away for the medication. As my Dr has said...to tip the scale from the Rx side and slowly towards my own inner mechanisms to control the anxiety/ocd. I pray for us all and truly believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Ben  

[RachelSusan]

Hi Ben,

Thank you for keeping us updated.  I'm so glad to hear that you have gotten down to 75 mg.  That's really great. Reducing these medications really does take a lot of time and a lot of patience. 

RS