dpoleonacough: need advice and support

[dpoleonacough]

Hello I am new here and in desperate need of advice and support. I have OCD and was put on Fluoxetine and was stable on it for 11 years. I made a mistake last winter and decided to go cold turkey off of it. I was fine for about two months then I started to have extreme anxiety at work and suffered Insomnia. I was very confused what was happening so I went to emergency and they reinstated me on my normal dose of Prozac 40mgs and also gave me a script for Lorazepam for 3 weeks. Now I f****d this reinstatement up royally from the start. I took 60 mgs of Prozac instead of 40mg for three weeks and took Lorazepam for three weeks at a very strong dose. I took 1mg of it the first night then I gradually up the dose to 4 mgs over the course of three weeks. Then I ran out of Lorazepam and went off it cold turkey. I had never been on any benzo before and didnt respect how powerful they were. I suffered withdrawal of Lorazepam severe anxiety crying spells and Insomnia. But these symptoms are still persisting 4 weeks out. I originally thought It was still benzo withdrawal. But now thanks to this site I realize that It maybe hypersensitivity to Fluoxetine. Again I, with the help of doctors in emergency f****d this up even more. In the past month I have been given Zoplicone, Trazodone, Seroquel, and Hydroxyzine. All in vain attempts to get me back to sleep. None of them really worked and fortunately I am scared of scripts now and havent taken any of them longer than a few days. I gradually am reducing my fluoxetine from 60mgs, 40mgs,20mgs because after taking the Fluoxetine about an hour or so later caused me to go into panic attacks. It never did this in 11 years of use and I just didnt piece it together right away. So now after a month of desperation and hell I found this site and really need advice on what to do. My current thinking is that I should stop taking any other meds and refrain from taking Prozac for a week. My thinking is that If I can burn out the Prozac in my system and then reinstate it at a very low dose probably 10 mgs slowly titrate back up hopefully CNS can readjust. Im at my wits end here, I have a constant ringing in my ears and am still suffering Insomnia, panic attacks and of course my OCD is slowly creeping back in. I have Pure O and its terrifying to have to deal with again. Please any advice would help, I have given up on going to emergency and am seeing a Therapist now but he seems to be clueless as well. 

Edited April 5, 2016 by ChessieCat
**** language

[ChessieCat]

Hi dpoleonacough and welcome to SA,

 

I've moved your first post and created your Intro/Update topic.  Click FOLLOW, top right, and you will receive notification when someone replies.  You can use your Intro/Update topic to ask questions related to your personal situation and to journal your progress.

 

It would be helpful is you could clarify your drug history in your signature by adding ALL drugs, dates, doses and how you decreased/increased them.  Please include all of the drugs, ie the ones you no longer take.  The clearer picture we can get of your individual situation will enable the staff to offer suggestions based on that information.  This information will be able to be seen at a glance.

 

I will notify the other mods to get their input.

 

These might help you to understand how the drug/s affect our brains:

 

Introduction to AD Withdrawal Syndrome

 

Brain Remodelling

[Altostrata]

Welcome, dpole.

 

You are currently taking only 20mg Prozac, is that correct? If I were you, I'd stop changing the Prozac, stay at your current dosage.

 

Please go to http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/29-members-only-benzo-tapering-discussion/to discuss benzo withdrawal and what you should do.

[Ali4]

Welcome D,

 

Another fellow Canadian, I would stay at your current dose of your ad, if you keep switching doses, your just making things worse, I know you feel like crap, but you need to sit tight at that dose and let your body work through it. As far as your benzo, Ativan is the worst to cold turkey from, it is adding to your already tough situation, how long have you been off it? Do you have any? You may want to reinstate a small amount and taper from there, go on the benzo forum, wellness will help you along with the benzo. Hang in there it will get better in time. Ali

[dpoleonacough]

Thanks for the response guys. Im on my fifth week off of Lorazepam cold turkey. I really dont want to mess with benzos again. Ive considered going on diazepam for a taper but Im so scared of Benzos now, I dont think I could take them again. It wouldnt be so bad if I could just get back on a regular sleep pattern. I didnt sleep for about 2 weeks when I stopped Ativan and thats when I was given all these other sleep meds. Again Im terrified of all of them. Im terrified of getting hooked on one of them and then having another terrible withdrawal. My brain has had enough of this and really dont blame it for being so pissed off. I just have to get back on Prozac and let it work again. But now Im terrified of Prozac not working on me again,because I messed up the reinstatment so bad. It has been 7 weeks being back on Fluoxetine and Im stiil suffering from anxiety and insomnia. And now Im paying far to much attention to this ringing in my ears. I hate to admit how much it bothers me. Ive always had Tinnitus but now it just seems like Im focused on it way to much. I read something about Tinnitus and Benzo withdrawal a few weeks ago and it caused me to obsess about it. So yeah Im a mess but I guess we all are thats why were on here. It feels good to talk to other people going through this. Again thank you all so much.

[JanCarol]

Hey dpole - 

 

I'm glad you found us.  Please stay on your current dose of Prozac.  Bouncing your doses up and down has been bouncing your brain and nervous system like a basketball - you need to let the basketball settle before you do anything else.

 

I'm sorry you are not sleeping.  There are some expert insomniacs in here.  Please consider something besides drugs to improve your sleep:  

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/604-important-topics-about-symptoms-including-sleep-problems/

and

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/555-tips-to-help-sleep-so-many-of-us-have-withdrawal-insomnia/

 

In reading your introduction, I get the feeling that you want the Prozac to work again.  Here's the thing - now that you have bounced your brain a few times - it is not likely to produce the results that it used to.  Additionally, after 11 years, it may be wreaking havoc on other systems, as serotonin is involved in your digestion, endocrine, hormones - that tablet you take doesn't go directly to the brain and stay there - it affects your whole body.

 

I believe it is important to look at non-drug methods for managing your behaviours.  Because that's really what the drugs do - they make you a little numb, a little nonchalant, so that you aren't controlled by your behaviours - you're controlled by the drugs instead.

 

What if you are the only person who can control your behaviours?  What if drugs won't give you that space that they did before?  This is a very real possibility.  Please consider Non Drug Techniques for Coping with Emotional Symptoms

 

The first one I would recommend you look into is CBT.  http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/SelfHelpCourse.pdf

The next important one is mindfulness:  Mindfulness and Acceptance

 

There are other tools, and it is up to you to find the tools that work for you.  There is a lot of material here on SA.  I've been here for 2.5 years, and I still haven't learned everything there is to learn here!  Hopefully you can find something that helps you.

 

I do know this - the moderators here know how to safely taper the drugs.  And I think that will help you immensely.  The doctors have been trained how to put you on the drugs - only recently has anyone considered "how to come off," and very few doctors are trained & knowledgeable about that.  There have been hundreds, maybe thousands of people who have used the techniques and tools in this forum to take control of their life and drugs.

 

Breathe, you can get through this.  It does get better.

[JanCarol]

PS could you please add dates to your signature?  This helps moderators understand where you are in your journey - how long ago was the "bounce" and note when & how much the bouncing slows.

[dpoleonacough]

I was put on antidepressants for a serious and debilitating brain disorder of severe OCD. My quality of life without them would have been severely unstable. I dont think I would have been able to go to school or have a career. Antidepressants did help me tremendously! But like most I was worried about the long term effects of them because no one really knows. I went 11 years with only minor OCD breaks and I was happy and a productive member of society. I cant say that Id be comfortable without drugs to keep me stable. I just couldnt deal with the stresses of daily life. Stress is what causes me to have OCD breaks and the stresses of being an adult are so severe that Im sure I would relapse over any stressful incident. I really thought that Prozac was a safe med and that the other newer meds were the scary ones. It seemed so benign when I was taking it. I never knew how powerful it was until I stopped it. And even then It took a few months and the death of a dear personal friend for me to have a nervous breakdown. 

What are you suggesting than, that I go back on Fluoxetine until I am stable again and then slowly wean myself off. I think that would be crazy. Because than this would all happen over again. I have to consider my friends and family as well. Putting them through again would be very terrible. Im so confused and mad at what I have done to myself. Id be lying if I said that I wasnt considering suicide. 

[JanCarol]

Many many of us were put on the drugs because we were told our "disorder" was debilitating and we would need the drugs for life.

 

My beast was the Bipolar Beast - and we all know how important "meds for life" are for bipolar.  My version of bipolar was "stickiness" very similar to OCD - difficulty switching from in to out, awake to asleep (and back again), feeling and non-feeling, selfish vs. caring.  I would get stuck in a mode, and that became my entire reality.  The answer from the medical profession was drugs.

 

I'm sorry if I've challenged your viewpoint and diagnosis, but those of us who have gone through the withdrawal tunnel - often believe that the drugs caused more harm than good.  Maybe there were better options, other than just numbing the mind to the upsetting stimulus.

 

For me, I've learned that there are better options.  That the drugs are there to control behaviour - and if that's what you really need and want - then okay.  SA is about being in charge of your own health decisions. And right now, in the grips of fluoxetine withdrawal - you are not in charge of that, either.  

 

One of the problems with the drugs - they can be fickle.  In my opinion, too fickle to trust your life to.   The drug is in charge.  The tools here at SA are for helping you take control again - of your life, your symptoms - even your "serious debilitating brain disorder."  There are people here who have done so.

 

Please consider - I'm not insisting that you go without drugs.  In fact, I'm asking that you stay on your last dose of Prozac.  Maybe even 10 mg would help you through these symptoms.

 

But I am asking you to also consider - if the drug doesn't "work" like it used to - what do you plan to do?  What are your other options?  That is why I offered a number of links for you to explore.

 

I am suggesting that you go back on the Fluoxetine until you get your withdrawal symptoms under control.  Then, when you are no longer suffering from withdrawal, map out a new plan of how you will take charge of your situation.  This may involve drugs (we cannot help with that), or it may involve other alternatives (that's what we are about here at SA).

[Altostrata]

Welcome, dpole.

 

You are currently taking only 20mg Prozac, is that correct? If I were you, I'd stop changing the Prozac, stay at your current dosage.

 

Please go to http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/29-members-only-benzo-tapering-discussion/to discuss benzo withdrawal and what you should do.

 

dpole, your situation is what it is. You had a honeymoon with the drugs, now your relationship has changed.

 

My guess is your symptoms are from benzo withdrawal, and made worse by the changes in Prozac. Going up and down and on and off psychiatric drugs can leave your nervous system very sensitive to all kinds of stimuli, including other drugs.

 

Sleeplessness is a very common symptom in both antidepressant and benzo withdrawal syndromes. Because your system has been sensitized, taking drugs to sleep can make the problem worse.

 

In these situations, you have to treat your nervous system very gently to get it to settle down. Many people here are in the very same situation.

 

You may be very angry, frustrated, and desperate for a solution. If you are thinking of suicide, please contact your local suicide hotline. Being a Web site, we cannot handle that kind of emergency.

 

Please go to http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/29-members-only-benzo-tapering-discussion/ to discuss your possible benzo withdrawal syndrome and what you should do.

[dpoleonacough]

I apologize for the suicide comment It was very stupid of me. Im trying very hard to be strong its just very hard. I appreciate you concern.

[Ali4]

Don't worry, we all go through it, it's all part of wd. I've been there myself, no need to apologize, take care of yourself and talk to people close to you, explain how you feel, it's always nice to have someone to talk too. You WILL win this fight and come out stronger when it's over. Ali

[dpoleonacough]

Hello to all on this forum.  This is dpoleonacough's sister writing today.  My brother decided to take his own life on May 20.  After reading this forum I strongly urge all of you to contact a doctor and start managing your medications and symptoms with the help of medical professionals.  If you do not like service you are recieving, demand that you see someone else.  Be as honest with your health care professionals as you are here.  Peer councelling on medications???  This is not the place to be managing your delicate brain chemistry medications.  You all deserve to get the help you need.  But get it from people who are trained to help.  Don't let it

[mammaP]

I am so sorry to read this very tragic news and send my condolences to you and your family.   

 

Sadly many many people feel desperate after stopping drugs, or have terrible side effects and come here when doctors have failed them. 

We support each other and never recommend drugs to people but try to encourage them to take the ones they are prescribed and 

if they want to come off them, advise them to taper very slowly. We recognise the importance of keeping doses stable and not stopping suddenly.

 

I am so very sorry that Dpoleonacough took his life, it is a terrible thing for a family to go through  and words cannot express how sad I am for you all.

My heart goes out to you.  

 

Mamma P

[maria323]

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't post on this site often. I totally agree that there are too many people giving advice here who aren't medically trained. I went through a horrific withdrawal for almost a year. It became so unbearable I had to go back on meds. I'm stable now. My heart breaks for all the people who got off meds and went thru the horror I did. I know there have been more who visited this site who also took their lives. For anyone suffering out there, there's no shame in taking medication. Get the help you need, There are good docs out there.

[mammaP]

I just want to clarify that we do not recommend anyone to stop their medication and when people arrive here in withdrawal from cold turkey we advise reinstatement of the medication, but it is correct we are not doctors so cannot recommend any other drugs, that can not be done by a Doctor. If someone has a doctor who recognises withdrawal and works with a patient they are to be valued. Sadly they often prescribe more and more drugs that make people more and more sick.

We are just people who have suffered and are still suffering, in the same way as AA is run by people who are themselves alcoholics, people come to us and thousands have been helped.

We are devastated when we lose a member, and must remember that the drugs cause suicide in many cases, it is there right at the top of the patient information in big letters. There are also warnings on stopping medication and suicide is often a result. We often advise people see their doctor when they appear suicidal and they are are sometimes ignored or given a cocktail that makes things much worse.

This happened here too and Dpoleonacough came here suffering terribly from cold turkey, more drugs and desperately trying to find relief. We are so sorry that we couldn't do more, but we are sadly unable to undo the damage from these drugs .

 

Maria I am pleased that you are feeling better now, and that you found something that helps you.