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Liquid Intro. Citalopram Withdrawal.


Liquid

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I started on 1mg today to hopefully help with some of these withdrawals. I'm really scared, though. Ever since all of this happened.. I feel like my mind is completely broken. I just have this overwhelming sense of discontentment and fear, I can't physically feel things the way I used to and I always feel like my head is floaty or inflated but I can't explain anything because I've lost the ability to THINK through the anxiety. It feels like my mind is tethered so I can only think it through so far before I hit a dead end. It just feels like none of it makes any sense. I'm not even going crazy about it, but my anxiety baseline is still so high and I just feel numb and clouded. It feels like when youre in the middle of a panic attack and you cant think.. but without the physical symptoms of panic and it lasts almost all day, with small moments of a tiny bit more mental clarity.

 

I cannot foresee how this is not permanent and Im having an impossible time accepting that these are withdrawals and not just a combination of anxiety and partly just me losing my mind and becoming stupid. I feel like I will never be able to think clearly again and I cant feel anything outside of my own mind, its almost as though someone has cut my heart out and injected my mind with stimulants and is just forcing me to sit here and watch as my chest bleeds out and my mind dissolves into chaotic nothing.

 

The worst part is... it feels so natural. I cant even tell that Im going through withdrawals because I have almost no physical symptoms aside from a dull headache, maybe some aches and pains in my body and some facial twitching.

 

My heart tends to thud and race as well as my breathing becoming slightly labored at times.. but I can hardly feel any if this because I feel so physically numb and unable to think clearly, its like being high on marijuana all the time without actually feeling high. I hate this.

 

Is this actually withdrawal or am I mistaking all of this for a menral illness. Both my mother and maternal grandmother are bipolar and despite always being told by Paychiatrists that I am not bipolar, its something I have always worried about.. but my only real symptom before this has been GAD and melancholy depression, but never high euphoria, Im almost never happy.

 

Can SSRIs unlock or cause thought disorders? Im sorry for my chaotic posts, I just have no one else to talk to about this.

 

Or, is it possible that the medication permantly damaged my brain in some way? It feels like everything emotionalky and physically is dulled. I slip right in and out of panic without ever feeling the physical symptoms or adrenaline, I can hardly feel ANYTHING.

 

This feeling began ON the Citalopram, because the drugs made me feel so clouded and numb with cognitive impairment. Thats the whole reason I wanted off of the drug, so how the hell am I supposed to fix this if Ive been off of it for 4 months now and still experiencing it? As bad as the Effexor XR was previously, atleast I could FEEL and THINK.

 

Will reinstating fix this if this really is withdrawals or is there just something wrong with my brain at this point? Im especially concerned about not being able to feel physical symptoms or anything physical for that matter. Its like my brain isnt processing physical sensation, as if I had a stroke or something. What is this?

 

Its like Im stuck completely in my head and I cant experience life at all, even with the awareness of it all. I keep trying to break free, but Im just stuck in this place.

 

I cant say Im having waves and windows, the severity if my anxiety fluctuates throughout the day, though. But Im never able to "feel" more at any point. I cant enjoy anything, I dont ever feel good or have any pleasure/interest because I have this constant urgent feeling that I need to rush, not sure about what.

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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  • Liquid

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Hi Liquid,

 

I can relate to some of what you have written.  I'm not able to get into writing what has been going on with me over the years, but since joining SA and reading other people's descriptions of what they are going through or have gone through I think aha, I've had/have that too.

 

One thing that you really need to do is to be patient and learn not to stress over how you are or aren't feeling.  I understand that it can be very hard to do, but it helps our brains to heal if we don't cause it additional stress.

 

Remember that your brain is in turmoil at the moment.  It is trying to balance itself (homeostasis) without the drug.  Hopefully you will start to feel some improvement in the next day or two, but try not to dwell on it too much.  Don't forget it takes 4 days to get to full state in the blood.  Keep notes on paper of improvements and worsening of symptoms.  Having these details will help the staff to offer suggestions if issues arise.

 

I want to add more but I'm struggling a little bit myself at the moment so will leave it at that.  Maybe go back over the links already given.  The one about neuro emotions need fixing.  I'm going to do that now.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Hi Liquid,

 

I can relate to some of what you have written.  I'm not able to get into writing what has been going on with me over the years, but since joining SA and reading other people's descriptions of what they are going through or have gone through I think aha, I've had/have that too.

 

One thing that you really need to do is to be patient and learn not to stress over how you are or aren't feeling.  I understand that it can be very hard to do, but it helps our brains to heal if we don't cause it additional stress.

 

Remember that your brain is in turmoil at the moment.  It is trying to balance itself (homeostasis) without the drug.  Hopefully you will start to feel some improvement in the next day or two, but try not to dwell on it too much.  Don't forget it takes 4 days to get to full state in the blood.  Keep notes on paper of improvements and worsening of symptoms.  Having these details will help the staff to offer suggestions if issues arise.

 

I want to add more but I'm struggling a little bit myself at the moment so will leave it at that.  Maybe go back over the links already given.  The one about neuro emotions need fixing.  I'm going to do that now.

 

Thank you, Chessie. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time, as well. Thank you for responding even despite feeling like crap.

I'm just having a hard time with the constant negative thoughts that are popping into my head. I've had depression and anxiety in the past, but these thoughts are lethal and carry such a heavy weight to them that almost seems impossible to ignore.. The worst part is that they make sense.. Its constant negative thoughts about the state that I am in and that I wont ever be able to stop them and I will be stuck like this forever, thats it not withdrawal and its just the new me, etc.

 

I know you are not supposed to want the thoughts to stop because that gives them power, but I dont know how to ignore them as they seem to flood my head and push out everything else. I've never experienced anything like this in my life and I hope to god its withdrawal because it leaves me in such a state that I end up with suicidal thoughts because I cant see any other way out. I wont ever kill myself because I'm terrified of death and have people I need to live for, but I have thoughts about it just the same.

 

As I said, I pray that this is withdrawal and I hope that reinstating Citalopram will help me get rid of this awful anxiety and intrusive negative thoughts.

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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Reinstating 10mg today actually worked in a sense . It created an incredible buffer for the anxiety I was feeling and it is much less.. but on the other hand I feel so incredibly drugged.. not just tired, but very foreign an high. I felt this way during the withdrawal, but to a lesser extent. Never felt this way before the Citalopram. Would it be better to try 5mg tomorrow? Also experiencing facial numbness and teeth clenching.

 

Im worried that on a lower dose I might lose the anxiety buffer, or is it possible I might have even less anxiety at a lower dose?

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Liquid,

 

I've asked for the advice of the more knowledgeable mods on this one.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Thanks, Chessie. Still experiencing pretty intense flashes of high anxiety for no reason, which I imagine is still withdrawal. But atleast I know now that it is indeed withdrawal, or the reinstatement of Citalopram wouldnt have worked after only 3 hours or so after taking it, right? It does feel like it made a small difference, the anxiety doesnt have such a raw edge like it did.

 

Thanks for all your help and support.

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I had an improvement in about 4 hours when I updosed after becoming a member here.  I went from having a very foggy head and not being able to type.  Being a professional typist, it was very noticeable.  Once the increase kicked in my head cleared and I could type again.  I was amazed at how quickly and, because of the typing, how measurable it was.

 

Don't forget to keep notes on paper and to update your signature with ALL of the dates and dose changes.  This makes it easier for people to see your history at a glance.

 

BTW thank you for your thoughts regarding my personal situation.  Most of the mods are tapering so we all need to balance what we do here with how we are coping ourselves.  But that is also beneficial for the members because the mods understand a lot of what people here are dealing with.  In other words, we are real people dealing with real things too whilst trying to get of these rotten drugs.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Is reinstating supposed to completely eliminate WD symptoms? I notice that Im still have waves and flashes of random panic feelings that come and go and some accompanying intrusive thoughts, but I do feel a bit of relief.

 

I even have much more mental clarity, which is strange. I wanted off of the pills at 20mg because I couldnt think through the anxiety, but I became worse through withdrawal. Now Im able to pinpoint triggers and feel withdrawals separate from me. Im still in disbelief, but also relieved.

 

I will make sure to update my signature. :)

 

Absolutely. We are all human and it is very comforting to be able to relate to someobe that has or is going through it. You guys are super heroes.

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Liquid,

 

The idea of reinstating is to REDUCE withdrawal symptoms.  It's good that you are feeling and seeing some improvement.  That means that reinstating is working, which is great to hear.  And yes, I can certainly understand your relief.

 

It takes 4 days for the dose to get to full state in the blood.  The reason for a small dose which was suggested earlier was just in case you had a bad reaction with the reintroduction.  However, because it was only 4 weeks/1 month since you stopped 20 mg citalopram, 10 mg may be okay to stick with provided you get relief of withdrawal symptoms and don't get any bad reaction to the dose, which is what you were concerned about.  It's really a decision only you can make about whether to stay at 10 mg or reduce to 5 mg.  Keep notes on paper so that if issues arise you can post the details and suggestions can be made.  Remember that changing your doses messes your brain up.  It doesn't know whether it is coming or going so you need to Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable.

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Just realised that you asked this:  "Im worried that on a lower dose I might lose the anxiety buffer, or is it possible I might have even less anxiety at a lower dose?"

 

Unfortunately that is one of the things we just can't give an answer to.

 

The one thing you really need at the moment is to be patient.  You have done what you needed to do by reinstating, and now you need to trust that your brain is going to do what it needs to do and do its best to get stable.  Other than trying to stay calm and patient, there is nothing you can do to try and hurry it up.  This is the acceptance part of getting off the drug.  It will probably be best to stay on this dose for at least 2 months before even considering starting to taper.  It's can be hard to start with but it does get easier.  And I believe that the less stressed we can be about what is happening the quicker the brain can stabilise because it isn't busy dealing with unnecessary stress. 

 

Maybe check these out (if you haven't already done so).  Understanding what you brain is having to do helped me to be patient:

 

Brain Remodelling (Rhi's Description of Brain Healing)


Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

* NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA *

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:  (6 year taper)      0mg Pristiq  on 13th November 2021

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021   LAST DOSE 0.0025mg

Post 0 updates start here    My tapering program     My Intro (goes to tapering graph)

 VIDEO:   Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management

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Thanks again for all of the info, Chessie. Im still working on not being stressed because of the anxiety and its symptoms. Still getting random flashes of panic/anxiety, having trouble controlling the worrying thoughts that my brain seems ro run away with. Not sure if this is withdrawal symptoms or just my GAD.

 

Kind of worried about the potential of still going through withdrawals from the Effexor XR that I took for 3 weeks about 3 to 4 months ago. Is that something I should worry about or should I just stay focused on Citalopram?

 

Even though its not as bad sinxe reinstating, I notice that I still have pretty intense anxiety and find it difficult to control my worry. Insomnia is already back. I was getting around 7 to 8 hours a night and only got around 4 ro 5 hours tonight. Im hoping its because I reinstated the Citalopram at around 4 in the evening, but only time will tell.

 

Seriously considering trying to taper down to 5mg for the potential of less side effects, but trying to be patient and not do anything impulsive. If only I didnt struggle with such intense anxiety, this would probably be an easier ride.

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Seriously considering trying to taper down to 5mg for the potential of less side effects, but trying to be patient and not do anything impulsive. If only I didnt struggle with such intense anxiety, this would probably be an easier ride.

 

Hi, Liquid.  CC has been giving you great advice so I don't have too much to say other than that I would personally support the effort to see how 5mg works for you.  Always best to be on the lowest dosage the provides the same results and too much can sometimes be a cause of some "creeping" symptoms like anxiety.  While you don't want to be bouncing all over the place, a controlled test of moving down might just do the trick.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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Thank you, Andy. I was wondering the same. Im experiencing severe anxiety today that just kind of built on its own this morning. Lots of intrusive and racing thoughts. Im worried about taking it again, feel like Ill never be out of this hell. It feels like my brain is going crazy.

 

Going to try 5mg today, because its the only thing I can think to do. Maybe I jumped the gun a bit trying to reinstate at 10mg.

 

I feel like Ive been stuck in a high state of anxiety since the first week of Citalopram, I cant remember what calm feels like. Racing thoughts are starting to feel normal, but still never comfortable.

 

Are uncontrollable racing and intrusive thoughts a normal part of severe anxiety? Ive never felt this way in the past... They just dont ever stop on this med or during withdrawals. These meds have ruined my life.

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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  • Moderator Emeritus

 

One last link for you to consider:

 

Is It Relapse or Withdrawal?

This link wont work for me for some reason.

 

Sorry mate - my link must be out of date.  Try this:

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/6888-is-it-withdrawal-or-relapse-or-something-else/?hl=%2Brelapse+%2Bwithdrawal

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Hi Liquid, 

I now only read your first intoduction post - and I am sure that many many answers now will have given you assurance that you are in withdrawal. 
Your SSRI Story is very chaotic:) You switched so much, so fast - no wonder your brain is confused. 

Anyway, how are you feeling now? Any improvement? I certainly hope so! 

I can absolutely 100% relate to your obsessive thoughts/anxiety/worries. 
I deal with them as well in my waves and I swear, your description of how you feel could be written by me!
Every little thing gets stuck in my head and I worry endlessly. 
The first topic was aging - 24/7, every minute of the day I was horrified of the fact that we all age and get older. 
Then it transferred to worrying about my boyfriend and friends abandoning me, or "not liking me" anymore. 
At the moment I am concerned about sexual violence, because I read about quite a view rapes that happened in my hometown recently. 
I mean, of course this is a distressing topic - but you know - the way it consumes in withdrawal is just crazy. 

What helps me tons is: Mindfulness meditation, because you practice accepting your thoughts and not get consumed by them. 

Here´s a guided meditation that I do every day: 

 

and here´s another program by Michael Sealey, which is specially focussed on rumination/obsessive thoughts: 

 

Try it out if you find the time and let me know what you think:) 

All the Best to you! 
Pepita

2005-2006: Cipralex 5 mg

2009-2010: Cipralex 5 mg

2012-2015: Cipralex 5mg, 10mg 

tapered 10mg-7.5mg-5mg-2,5-0 (I always waited for a few weeks on the current dosage until I felt stable. Steps were too big I realized too late)

Completely drug free since August 2015

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Are uncontrollable racing and intrusive thoughts a normal part of severe anxiety? Ive never felt this way in the past... They just dont ever stop on this med or during withdrawals. These meds have ruined my life.

 

Liquid,

 

These types of thoughts are quite common in the kind of anxiety that withdrawal from these meds causes.  But, they are not permanent.  They will subside over time.  The issue that you need to deal with is that there are 2 separate sets of thoughts/fears/anxieties.  The first are "chemical" in nature and are the result of withdrawal.  For those, you need to use self-soothing techniques found on this board and try your best to control them -- they will not be eliminated immediately but they will improve and go away with time.  The second set are those that are the reactions we have to those feelings.  Those are far more within your control and can be significantly improved through things like exercise, breathing techniques, yoga, meditation, etc.

 

This will all get better but the most significant means of improvement, unfortunately, is time.  It is, however, the way that you live as you let time pass that defines how well you do in withdrawal.  The more techniques you can adopt, even though they may not seem to be helping at first, the better you will be able to cope in the long run.  Acceptance and self-compassion are the most critical elements in my view.

 

You will get through this.  It's not a pleasant journey but you will be okay.

 

Best,

 

Andy

Sertraline 50mg and Clonazapam .375mg from 2000 -- symptoms of dizziness Spring 2012

increased to .5 Clonazapam and 100mg Sertraline -- no improvement

Benzo microtaper from November 2012 to November 2014 (followed benzo sites "taper benzo first")

Started Sertraline taper in December 2014 cut by 25mg to 75mg; 62.5mg 1/1/15 and 50mg on 2/1/15

Held at 50mg through April 5 to use liquid 
Reduced dosage in 10% or less drops from 50mg to 25mg -- at single tablet of 25mg on 10/5/15

Transitioned to all liquid for accuracy while tapering -- Horrible insomnia -- back to 25mg liquid and held until October 1, 2016

10/16 -- 11/18 tapered very slowly to 10.6mg.  No real improvement and never really stable so updosed to 12.5mg (1/2 a pill) for convenience and long hold.

After 8+ months of holding with no noticeable improvement decided to add .4ml of liquid Prozac (about 1.5mg) to see if that improves the situation

Supplements, Magnesium, D3, Omega 3, curcumin, Valerian, 81mg Aspirin, L-Theanine, Vit. C,

 

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*topic moved from symptoms forum

 

This has never been an issue for me before. During this last course of Citalopram and during its withdrawal/reinstatement, I am constantly subvocalizing every thought. Its almost as if I am reading from a page and I cant stop mouthing the thoughts or moving my vocal cords during thought, this also makes the thoughts seem extremely loud.

I feel like I am going mental because this doesnt feel natural at all. Sometimes I will echo something I have just said, via subvocalization or mouthing it.

Ive never had issues with this before meds and its freaking me out, it carried over a month into withdrawal as well, so Im worried its permanent.

Is this a known symptom of any disorders?

Edited by Petunia
topic moved and note added

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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Nothing that occurs as a result of going off -or even going back on-antidepressants is permanent.

The variety of symptoms is endless. 

The general tendency to anxiety during everything to do with trying to get off of these drugs

always makes these other things-which are also anxiety based-worse.

Trying to worry about it less will at least knock out the anxiety you're adding to the situation-

Try remembering that the symptom can not hurt you-try just thinking more about how you feel

inside when it's happening-you have to just be aware of how you feel in a completely non-judgmental way.

It's a great mindfulness technique that calms you down pretty quickly.

Sept 12th 1992-began taking Imipramine (50mgs) for panic attacks.

Stopped Imipramine after 4 months (cold turkey).

7 months later experienced "mysterious" bad flu-like symptoms, although, without upper respiratory problems or fever. Because of this and a day of panic attacks, was put on Prozac (20mgs?) for 2 months and then, when that didn't work-was put back on  Imipramine,  plus Xanax 1 mg (4Xdaily)-October 1993.

March 1999-switched from Imipramine (50mgs) to Celexa.

2008-switched to Pristiq for 3 months, then back to Effexor XR (after bad reaction to the Pristiq).

Sept 1st 2010-Switched from Effexor XR (75mgs) to Effexor Generic (solid form) in preparation for taper.

Nov 15th 2010-Began tapering from 75mgs Effexor Generic.

January 13th 2014-.06mgs

April 17th 2014-      .03mgs

May 11th 2014-       .02mgs

Ended taper October 31st 2014

Oct 4th 2015-11 months post taper and completely back to normal!

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Day 3 on Reinstated 10mg: Lost my mind today. Severely unstable emotions. Felt like my mind went into chaos and my thoughts began to race for hours. This started about an hour after todays dose and continued to worsen for the next couple hours. After completely panicking and going psychotic, I feel into a nearly catatonic state and I physically and emotional shut down. I sat in place, unable to speak or remove myself from this daze. I became a passenger in my own mind and my thoughts continued to race without any help from me. They became jumbled and stuttery, almost as if I had a disorder that kept me from being able to easily release full sentences. My eyes began to dart around on their own during this and they just continued to search from left to right as I just sat there in a daze.

 

By the time I felt myself re-emerge, I had trouble finding motivation so speak, I was completely still just staring for an hour before this point. When I came to, waves of panic began to flash over me and my movement went wild. I was shaking and constantly repositioning with agitation while my mind went chaotic again. I was in such a delirius state, I felt like I couldnt stop moving or pull myself together. I was forced to just cry and shake while I endured completely losing control of my mind, worried that I was just going to disappear and turn into a vegetable.

 

I felt like I had to constantly stand up and sit back down, forced to angrily drag my feet across the floor over and over to satisfy the agitation and restlessness as if I had no choice. Crying and panicking, grunting every so often while holding my head and asking what the hell was happening to me.

 

I had no way of calming myself down, I couldnt. Ive never been through anything like this in my life. Ive rarely had panic attacks in my life and now I feel like Im watching myself completely lose my mind.

 

I dont care about getting off of these meds at all. I just want this to stop. Im not surviving this, suffering with constant anxiety all day and unable to distract myself, even though I am out of my house and interacting with people everyday.

 

If I need to get on another medication, then so be it. Im struggling with constant suicidal thoughts and just thoughts in general that dont feel like mine. Im done, trying to find reasons to live because this is too much. I cant tolerate waiting out the withdrawals and I cant tolerate Citalopram.

 

Aside from the obvious psychological effects that the Citalopram causes, it completely drugs me and leaves me feeling physically awful and high. I honestly cant put another one of those pills in my mouth.

 

Im thinking of just switching to Zoloft, so I can get stable on something and finally feel like myself again at some point. I then plan to very slowly taper off, once I finally feel balanced.

 

I know this is going to cause most of you to jump on me and suggest reinstating at a lower dose, but I honestly dont think I can. Im honestly struggling to want to keep living through this, and currently unable to find acceptance in these withdrawal symptoms.

 

Its agonizing because I cant control my own thoughts and its been like this both during taking Citalopram and after. My mind races constantly with uncontrollable thoughts about the anxiety, all day. Even when distracted, its using 80% of my concentration and is always there. Constant intrusive negative thoughts about the anxiety and how I wont get better. They feel like my thoughts but forced somehow onto me.

 

I cant help feeling like this is not withdrawal, this is just me going mental. I dont know why I cant accept it. Fear, I guess. I cant ever think straight ir rationalize anymore.

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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  • Moderator

Hey Liquid-- I'm sorry to hear that you reacted so badly to your third day of reinstatement.  That was not a good reaction and I agree, don't take any more.  For right now just focus on getting trough as best as you can, taking things minute by minute if necessary.  Roll with what ever it throws at you and things will sort themselves out as they go along.  I'm going to refer this to the rest of the mod staff and get their heads together and see what we can come up with.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Thank you, Brass. And Im sorry. I dont want to come off as one of those beyond help or reason, I think the fear is blinding me. Im not usually this person.

 

I mentioned my intrusive thoughts(if thats what they are) and uncontrollable worry/thinking about the anxiety to my psychiatrist and all he did was try to prescribe me Lamictal. I refused. Kinda lost faith in him at that point.

 

Are the automatic negative thoughts considered intrusive thoughts? It terrifies me that people normally have these, but maybe thats just the high anxiety making it seem scary.

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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  • Moderator

Having a reaction like that is extremely scary and can make any one of us doubt themselves.  Keep in mind that all these symptoms are the drug making trouble and as uncomfortable at they are they can't actually harm you.  Maintaining a positive attitude and not giving in to the fear are two of the best things you can do right now.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Thank you, Im really trying. I didnt learn about withdrawal until I was deep in it, having already lost my sense of self, confidence, and hope. Accepting that it is withdrawal is something that I struggle with everyday. Ive had intense anxiety nonstop which has all but killed my ability to rationalize through fear. I have moments of mental clarity sometimes, but its hard to see through the fog.

 

I did notice something throughout all of this, though.. This constant anxiety that I feel never fluctuates. After the experience I had earlier, I have since relaxed, but I felt no transition in the anxiety. Even though I went from complete and utter maddening panic to generally normal afterwards, the anxiety feeling didnt release or budge when I became stable. Its like the anxiety level is stuck and Im numb or something because of it.

 

I noticed it yesterday too, but didnt put two and two together. I was able to get out of the thick obsessive cycle because I was at the hospital to see a friend and was in constact conversation with nurses and his family. I managed to become distracted and not worry too much about how I felt, but I noticed that my anxiety level in the background was still there and never waivered. It just remains a constant burning fear or feeling that something is always inherently wrong and that its not going away anytime soon, if ever. Ive taken .5mg of Clonazepam in the past to try and lower this anxiety, but it never seems to touch it so I ultimately stopped trying. It feels like Im in a constant panic attack mentally, all day, every day. But without severe physical symptoms.

 

Your post about referring this to the other mods blew me away.. The amount of support on this forum still surprises me. Ive spent so much of this feeling alone and hopeless with no faith left in my doctors.. I really appreciate the support, it means the world to me.

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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  • Administrator

I agree with Brass, that sounds like a bad reaction. Did you take 10mg or 5mg citalopram? It sounds like it's too strong.

 

You might try 1mg rather than drop it altogether.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Hi Liquid, and sorry to hear of the bad reinstatement experience.  I was re-reading your first post, you say you were on Celexa four or five times?  How long was the longest period that you were off it between stints on it?

 

Maybe one of the mods can answer this but, is it not possible that Liquid's waited too long at some point to reinstate and that has led to kindling?

 

 

 

 

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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Id say 4 or 5 times within the last few years, maybe 3 months max, usually only a few weeks. Never enjoyed the way I felt on them. And this was with other meds inbetween.

 

Right now Im experiencing something strange, its been on and off through all of this.

 

It feels like Im somewhere else or .. I dont know. In another reality or just not grounded. I dont have any misconceptions about whats real.. I just cant shake this intense foreign feeling and these thoughts about what if nothing is real.. almost like I have this higher understanding unlocked and my brain cant handle it.. I dont know if this makes any sense.. Just strange irrational thoughts that I know are stupid but they terrify me anyway. I feel almost like Im going mental. Im able to keep it together but what the hell causes this feeling and does it go away? It makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

 

I keep glancing at people and wondering what they are thinking and this terrifies me for some reason. Normal things dont make sense to me anymore. I feel stuck or trapped in my own head, almost like the idea of always being in a first person perspective terrifies me. It doesnt make any sense as to why I am suddenly afraid of these things.

 

Sometimes this feeling goes away or becomes mild on its own, it fluctuates in severity.

 

My main fear is that it cant be undone. I just want to feel normal again and not think about/fear this otherworldly ****.

 

I feel like Im losing touch with reality. Is this Schizophrenia or something?

 

Also, what is kindling? Is Kindling reversible?

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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I feel for you Liquid so much of what you write was what I experienced from the drugs too.  Yes you can feel like you are in another reality, I had that feeling, which I put down to severe dissociation.  I did not feel grounded although a few things I could do helped a bit with that (like going outside and walking barefoot in summer, or swimming.)  This seems a common enough complaint for people who are affected badly by the drugs in some way, and yes it will go away. 

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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Thank you for the reassurance, Sky. I needed it.

 

I read a little bit about kindling but I dont know if I understand it, but Im freaking out a little bit. :( Is it like from all the constant med switching and reinstating my brain is permanently sensitized and Im stuck like this?

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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Also I am looking to see if I can find what I read about kindling, as I'd like to be able to quote it directly...Just give me a moment, I don't know if I will be able to dig it up...

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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Thank you for the reassurance, Sky. I needed it.

 

I read a little bit about kindling but I dont know if I understand it, but Im freaking out a little bit. :( Is it like from all the constant med switching and reinstating my brain is permanently sensitized and Im stuck like this?

 

Looks like I just posted at the same time as you.

 

No you are not permanently stuck like this, please don't worry. Let me see if I can dig up the exact thing I read, as I'd like to get clear about something relating to it..but please don't think you are permanently stuck like this, I went on and off Celexa too a bunch of times and I feel very grounded right now, haven't felt out of touch like you describe for a very long time.

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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Phew. That scared me, lol. Its nice to hear about someone else that had a tough time with Celexa and a similar history. Ive felt so alone through all of this. These psychological side effects are worse than any physical symptoms I can think of.

 

Celexa is a messed up drug >.<

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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Phew. That scared me, lol. Its nice to hear about someone else that had a tough time with Celexa and a similar history. Ive felt so alone through all of this. These psychological side effects are worse than any physical symptoms I can think of.

 

Celexa is a messed up drug >.<

 

I know, the psych stuff they can do is unimaginable isn't it?  But you will get there, it does get better, honestly.  Plenty of people here will understand where you are coming from too, I know you must feel very alone with this  as I was there too once long ago, and had a number of months where I was totally alone with it before these sorts of forums existed, but at least you are here now and have access to support.

 

And I agree Celexa definitely is a messed up drug, that's an understatement!

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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Okay I tried to find the passage about kindling relating to the drugs but haven't managed to locate it.  Very frustrating.  It was so long ago that I read this that I wanted to be sure my memory about it has held up but I can't find it right now. 

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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I woke up feeling decent today, but it only took a few moments before the anxiety entered my mind and the thoughts began.

 

It feels like Im fighting with my own thoughts. I will have a thought about how chaotic my mind feels and how I cant control what I think and then Ill have another thought questioning the previous thought and then I immediately start to panic about not being in control of my mind and how this is the way life is going to be now and Im probably going to have to kill myself(automatic thought, not something I want).

 

I know that the thoughts are caused by anxiety, but even after the anxiety is handled, am I constantly going to be fighting against my thoughts forever, or will it sort itself out? Im not sure if Ill ever be able to just be okay with the fact that my mind roams through thoughts that I dont want.

 

I havent really read about anyone else struggling with this, has anyone else had and gotten rid of this?

2015: Citalopram 20mg (2 months) - Venlafaxine HCL ER 75mg (3 weeks)

2016: Citalopram 20mg (6 weeks) - Sertraline 37.5mg (3 days)

I had horrible side effects from the Venlafaxine 75mg, used Fluoxetine 20mg for a week to quickly taper down the Venlafaxine to 37.5mg before discontinuing. I was switched to Citalopram 20mg 5 weeks later and was on them for around 6 weeks before discontinuing due to rare and severe side effects. The Citalopram was making me both mentally and physically ill, caused OCD-like symptoms and severely increased anxiety.

March 26th, 2016: Discontinued Citalopram 20mg. Suffering from Cognitive Impairment, Memory Issues, Blurred Vision, Dizziness, Brain Fog, Increased Anxiety, DP/DR, Neuro-emotions, Heart Palpitations, Brain Zaps, Shortness of Breath, Tunnel Vision, Difficulty Concentrating or Focusing.

April 24th, 2016: Reinstated 10mg Citalopram. Withdrawal symptoms reduced, side effects returned. Insomnia, tiredness, feeling drugged. Mental clarity improved, anxiety reduced.

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Don't worry Liquid this is not going to be happening forever.  My thinking felt well beyond my control as well and I had extreme anxiety too and I'm better now.  As powerful and intractable and automatic as those thoughts are now they will become less sticky and intrusive over time, and as long as you don't act on them they ultimately can't hurt you even though I know it's such an effort to fight them.   I don't know if you have tried meditation but that might help a bit with them.

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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Also distraction may help a bit too, as long as it's a positive distraction. 

 

And I didn't try this but one member here suggested that people draw some of their thoughts (where that makes sense to do of course) to try to help get them out of their heads, I wish I'd thought of that when this was happening to me as I would guess it really might have helped me a bit.  It was helpful for him at least, might be worth a try.

I am not a medical professional and nothing I say is a medical opinion or meant to be medical advice, please seek a competent and trusted medical professional to consult for all medical decisions.

 

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