Liquid Intro. Citalopram Withdrawal.

[Liquid]

Thank you so much, Sky.. I felt like this was beyond anxiety and that I was slowly losing my mind. It even got to the point where I was having trouble speaking and reading, my thoughts were so loud and intrusive. Even my own thoughts were uncontrollably nervous and negative and I couldnt stop them or the fear.

 

I have trouble coping because Im always so scared that this wont ever go away and I cant think rationally at all during the intense anxiety.

 

I bit the bullet and took a Clonazepam .5mg which I absolutely hate and resist taking. I didnt expect it to help in the least, but I was in such a bad state of panic that my fiance insisted. It took away 80% of the constant intrusive thoughts, does that mean they are just symptoms of the high anxiety brought on by the withdrawals?

 

I dont want to ever have to depend on benzos because I am terrifed of the potential addiction, so I only rarely take them as needed, but right now they are the only thing that helps.

 

You said these thoughts and way of thinking will eventually go away on their own?

 

Thank you again, Sky. You have done so much for me to keep me feeling grounded.

[JanCarol]

Hey Liquid -  

 

How are you going?

 

But atleast I know now that it is indeed withdrawal, or the reinstatement of Citalopram wouldnt have worked after only 3 hours or so after taking it, right? It does feel like it made a small difference, the anxiety doesnt have such a raw edge like it did.

 

Yep, that you felt a change so quickly is a sign that reinstatement is what you needed!  This is good news!

 

Is reinstating supposed to completely eliminate WD symptoms?

 

As Chessie said, when it works, it reduces WD symptoms.  Usually once you start having WD symptoms, all bets are off.  Things might work, might not, symptoms will morph and change.  It is why we taper - to try and prevent, or stave off, the worst of the symptoms.

 

Kind of worried about the potential of still going through withdrawals from the Effexor XR that I took for 3 weeks about 3 to 4 months ago. Is that something I should worry about or should I just stay focused on Citalopram?

 

I wouldn't think about it much.  Does it matter that there was a deer crossing the road when you got hit by the semi trailer truck?  The deer probably damaged your car, too - but the car has to be fixed now, regardless of how it happened.

 

In the same vein, I wouldn't worry too much about kindling.  I take kind of a neanderthal approach:  If brain is broken, how it got there matters less than what you are going to do to make it better.

 

And it does get better.

 

Are uncontrollable racing and intrusive thoughts a normal part of severe anxiety? Ive never felt this way in the past... 

 

They are a normal part of withdrawal.  Please breathe, and don't be in a hurry to rush to the DSM and diagnose yourself.  "Anxiety" - what does that mean, really?  If you have to give it a name, okay.

 

But I reckon you'd be better off just calling them what they are:  thoughts.  More thoughts.  More intrusive thoughts.  More racing thoughts.  Just call them.  Accept that they are there, acknowledge them, and think of clouds in the sky.

 

Your brain's job is to produce thoughts.  Your brain is doing this very well, even if it doesn't feel good, and is really difficult right now.

I think of the brain as a sky.  The clouds cross the sky.  Look, there's another one!  Watch your thoughts cross the sky.  Don't judge them or name them - and you don't need to identify with them, either.  Only thoughts.  Sometimes those clouds are dark, ugly, scary, and shoot out bolts of lightning - but you know it will pass, you only have to wait, and the weather will be different.  It may take awhile - this may be a big storm that will take weeks to pass.  But it will pass.

 

 

I cant help feeling like this is not withdrawal, this is just me going mental. I dont know why I cant accept it. Fear, I guess. I cant ever think straight ir rationalize anymore. 

 

Thoughts.  Clouds in the sky.  Or another one I like is train cars.  You are standing beside the train tracks, watching the train go by.  Each train car is another thought.  Clackity clack.  Thought-thought-thought - just clicking by - racing, sometimes, ugly sometimes, but let it go by.

 

Alto:

You might try 1mg rather than drop it altogether.

 

So where are you with this?  Did you stay at 10 mg?  Or have you dropped to 5 mg or 1 mg?  Please update your signature.

 

It feels like Im fighting with my own thoughts.

 

I reckon that fighting isn't working, and it's wearing you down.  Try observing them, instead.

 

In Withdrawal Symptoms, these techniques don't work as well (unless you've been practicing them for a time prior to withdrawal - it's harder to learn them when you are thrashing about in anguish) - but they are tools, and if fighting is not working, maybe you need to try some other strategies.

 

Observing

Distracting

Changing the channel

 

It does get better - it got better when you reinstated.  If you are going to change your dose to 5 mg or 1 mg, do it soon.  I'm worried you will have to taper from a higher dose if you acclimate to the 10 mg.

 

As far as "anxiety control," you reported that you never felt these intrusive anxious thoughts before the citalopram.  So it seems to me that the citalopram induced the anxiety, and the lower doses would be less stimulating.

 

 

[Altostrata]

Were you taking 10mg citalopram? Your reaction shows that was too strong for you.

 

How much are you taking now?

[Liquid]

Doc didnt want me on Cit anymore because of the reactions. Feel like a lost cause. He put me on 25mg of Sertraline and .5mg Clonezapam twice daily. Dont care about getting off meds anymore, just dont want to feel insane anymore.

 

Day 3 so far, appear to be handling it better than Citalopram. No side effects aside from feeling a little drugged and minor eyelid twitching. Decided to take Clonazepam as needed, dont really wanna take it continuously because it doesnt feel like it does much.

[Liquid]

I just wanted to thank everyone for all of the support and kindness you have shown me. I realize that you cant really help me from here as Im attempting to stabalize on Zoloft to help with my anxiety. Im seeing a psychologist on May 5th and will be starting talk therapy/CBT to work on everything else.

 

I will most likely return one day when I am on a new journey to quit Sertraline after I have stabalized on it for a few months. I will taper properly next time.

 

I wish you all the best.

[ChessieCat]

Hi Liquid,

 

Thank you for letting us know what is happening.  It's good that you are working on non-drug ways to cope.  I hope you have found a good psychologist first off but if you don't feel right with this one there are others.  If it is ever suggested to you that you change or add drugs, it might be a good idea to post back here before you follow the suggestion to get a second/third opinion.

 

At least you now have the knowledge of how to taper and of course you can still use your Intro/Update topic to journal your progress leading up to your tapering if you want.  It would be a good idea to keep some sort of record on paper of how you are going so that you can see the improvements as you go.

 

Hoping you start to feel improvement soon.  Take care.  CC

[UnfoldingSky]

Hi Liquid,

 

I wish you the best and hope things work out.  We'll always be here if you need more support in the future.

 

Take care,

 

US

[Liquid]

Thank you, I dont think I would have made it through without you guys. Its unfortunate that I had to return to meds.

 

Day 10 on Sertraline, just increased to 50mg yesterday.. I have improved immensely and have actually had some decent days. The goal is still to get my anxiety and depression under control and stabilize a bit before I begin the taper program.

 

Just wanted to let you guys know that I am slowly improving. Im tolerating the Sertraline really well and it seems to have actually stopped the withdrawal from the Citalopram. Now Im just dealing with leftover trauma and anxiety from the whole experience.

[UnfoldingSky]

Hi Liquid,

 

I'm not sure how you managed to get overlooked here, but it's good to hear it's been going well (except for the trauma of course.)  I hope you will keep us updated, and hope things have improved even more since you last posted.

 

Wishing you well,

 

US