Antipsychotic survivors? Interested in your stories

[Armorall]

@Kovacks Yes! I just came from an activist event last night and lemme tell you, I'm probably now even more the life of the party than before psychiatric drugs, because I'm so overjoyed to have it back. And it keeps getting better. In the last month I stopped using my white noise generator at night because the ringing in my ears is not so bad/gone at times. My sleep scores on my fitbit are rising to 91-94 (think of it as a grade on an academic paper) 2-3 times a week now. 
But yes, at some point you will feel better, and later you will feel good enough to be a source of a good time. You will feel *good* again! 
 

[saeed]

48 minutes ago, Armorall said:

@Kovacks Yes! I just came from an activist event last night and lemme tell you, I'm probably now even more the life of the party than before psychiatric drugs, because I'm so overjoyed to have it back. And it keeps getting better. In the last month I stopped using my white noise generator at night because the ringing in my ears is not so bad/gone at times. My sleep scores on my fitbit are rising to 91-94 (think of it as a grade on an academic paper) 2-3 times a week now. 
But yes, at some point you will feel better, and later you will feel good enough to be a source of a good time. You will feel *good* again! 
 

Congratulations, this is a good news.

keep it up.

[Armorall]

@saeed Thank you! Please message/tag me if you ever want any support. Have a great day!

[saeed]

10 hours ago, Armorall said:

@saeed Thank you! Please message/tag me if you ever want any support. Have a great day!

Thank you very much, your story is inspiring.

[Kovacks]

17 hours ago, Armorall said:

@Kovacks Yes! I just came from an activist event last night and lemme tell you, I'm probably now even more the life of the party than before psychiatric drugs, because I'm so overjoyed to have it back. And it keeps getting better. In the last month I stopped using my white noise generator at night because the ringing in my ears is not so bad/gone at times. My sleep scores on my fitbit are rising to 91-94 (think of it as a grade on an academic paper) 2-3 times a week now. 
But yes, at some point you will feel better, and later you will feel good enough to be a source of a good time. You will feel *good* again! 
 

Did you ever get your core back? Like I would crunch at ecstacy moments and this would make my raps good. It's so feint now that I can't even get exactly my point across. Hope that makes sense, like that sex that really pushes something over the edge

[Armorall]

@Kovacks yup, I am capable of ecstatic moments, when I'm not having them, it's just because I'm not in a situation to have them, not that my body/brain is limited. I'm a musician and can feel and enjoy all the music I used to again (and I go out dancing A LOT). I got it back in April. In our city, we have a bi weekly event with DJs outside. I'd be playing and enjoying more live music and clubs were it not for Covid, but at least I can go out dancing twice a month, lol

[Armorall]

@saeed thank you. Yours will be, too!

[Kovacks]

6 hours ago, Armorall said:

@Kovacks yup, I am capable of ecstatic moments, when I'm not having them, it's just because I'm not in a situation to have them, not that my body/brain is limited. I'm a musician and can feel and enjoy all the music I used to again (and I go out dancing A LOT). I got it back in April. In our city, we have a bi weekly event with DJs outside. I'd be playing and enjoying more live music and clubs were it not for Covid, but at least I can go out dancing twice a month, lol

There was a line by ice t that said, I see dead bodies floating in the water and I grin. I could never have that amount of smugness again. Do you know what I mean?

[Armorall]

@Kovacks you mean like a playful self-satisfaction? Sure you can! I know, it seems out of reach. Our symptoms mess us up and make it feel like they are forever and there is no end, probably because you feel so far away from who you once were, so it seems doubtful that you could ever come back so completely to who you were before injury. But you can and you will. I know, I didn't believe it either and it's frustrating because no one can tell you when it will happen. There was no way I could have expected my brain to turn when it did. I told my husband I will probably not be able to work forever, we shouldn't buy a new home while in WD, we should move to a lower income home in preparation for the long, long battle. But it happened. Thankfully he didn't listen to me and he stuck around. Not to bash anyone who is taking precautions because of WD, because we cannot predict the length of it, just offering an example of how much I couldn't believe that relief is coming. Have you watched Daily Grind/Michael Priebe at all? I watched some of his youtubes (and Baylissa's) just to watch survivors and see their happy expressions, their seemingly productive lives. They are here to remind us. Baylissa told me to make a video to discuss what I was going through, then save it, so that I could make a video later and people could see how much better I was. I couldn't make the first video because it was too painful to wonder about how long it would take before I could make the second video. I regret not making it now. So, I'm just saying, I get it. It's too hard to imagine, and suffering is very deep. But, it will come. I took a cocktail of SNRI and my doc ripped me through 3 different antipsychotics. If I can get back to myself, you can get back to yourself. I'm sorry that the date of when that happens is not obvious. It is the condition that we have to wait through...but it will happen. 

[Kovacks]

10 hours ago, Armorall said:

@Kovacks you mean like a playful self-satisfaction? Sure you can! I know, it seems out of reach. Our symptoms mess us up and make it feel like they are forever and there is no end, probably because you feel so far away from who you once were, so it seems doubtful that you could ever come back so completely to who you were before injury. But you can and you will. I know, I didn't believe it either and it's frustrating because no one can tell you when it will happen. There was no way I could have expected my brain to turn when it did. I told my husband I will probably not be able to work forever, we shouldn't buy a new home while in WD, we should move to a lower income home in preparation for the long, long battle. But it happened. Thankfully he didn't listen to me and he stuck around. Not to bash anyone who is taking precautions because of WD, because we cannot predict the length of it, just offering an example of how much I couldn't believe that relief is coming. Have you watched Daily Grind/Michael Priebe at all? I watched some of his youtubes (and Baylissa's) just to watch survivors and see their happy expressions, their seemingly productive lives. They are here to remind us. Baylissa told me to make a video to discuss what I was going through, then save it, so that I could make a video later and people could see how much better I was. I couldn't make the first video because it was too painful to wonder about how long it would take before I could make the second video. I regret not making it now. So, I'm just saying, I get it. It's too hard to imagine, and suffering is very deep. But, it will come. I took a cocktail of SNRI and my doc ripped me through 3 different antipsychotics. If I can get back to myself, you can get back to yourself. I'm sorry that the date of when that happens is not obvious. It is the condition that we have to wait through...but it will happen. 

Did you take paliperidone? Is it the same thing you take? Sorry for not making sense. I mean did what you take give you the same effects it would give to someone with paliperidone? I believe you. It's just. I'm not doing that well

 

It's just I really want to get better and I don't think il feel the same. I know you said you get back to seemingly yourself or completely yourself. Is that very true? I don't want to be this ***** up mess forever. I got a lot to do and people counting on me and the **** is getting intense

 

[Armorall]

@Kovacks I didn't take palperidone. You can see the myriad of anti-psychotics that I burned through in my drug signature. Antipsychotics are a dicey drug, but, from having read so many people's stories on here, I'm willing to conclude that the difference between brand names is like the difference between any brands. Like Levi's jeans and  Dickies do basically the same thing, they just have a different name and a slightly different look. I can't tell you anymore that yes, you will feel the same eventually and no, I cannot give you a  time frame on when that is. I know you want a date, I wanted it, too. But, unfortunately because drug companies like to deny our situation and give some bogus answer as to why it is happening, further research is inhibited. And, if you read a lot of threads here, you can tell that it's hard to predict when it will stop, regardless of time someone took it or what combination of drugs. 

Yes, I feel for you, because, aside from the hell that is withdrawal, the secondary thing is that you suddenly are having trouble acquiring resources. All I can say is that you should write down all your social safety nets (friends, family) and use them if you haven't already. Also, if there's a way to seek out doing work that is possible while you are in withdrawal (for instance, I was researching medical data entry instead of teaching, lucky for me, Covid happened and I could teach from home during WD). I have this dream where drug companies at least recognize what they've done to us, then set up a sort of hotel/spa so that  WD victims can go there and recoup for an indefinite amount of time. But, that is not profitable, so it won't happen unless there's enough pressure for exposure. Anyways, I digress. I know you need daily assurance that this will end. I know you've waited a long time. I'm sorry no one can give you an answer on when it will end, and I also clung to trying to find that answer as well. Try to find the things that have traditionally worked for us in waiting it out-walking in the forest, yoga at home, and magnesium when needed. You will turn, but yes, how you burn up the time before then will also assist you. 

[Kovacks]

On 10/2/2021 at 5:25 AM, Armorall said:

@Kovacks I didn't take palperidone. You can see the myriad of anti-psychotics that I burned through in my drug signature. Antipsychotics are a dicey drug, but, from having read so many people's stories on here, I'm willing to conclude that the difference between brand names is like the difference between any brands. Like Levi's jeans and  Dickies do basically the same thing, they just have a different name and a slightly different look. I can't tell you anymore that yes, you will feel the same eventually and no, I cannot give you a  time frame on when that is. I know you want a date, I wanted it, too. But, unfortunately because drug companies like to deny our situation and give some bogus answer as to why it is happening, further research is inhibited. And, if you read a lot of threads here, you can tell that it's hard to predict when it will stop, regardless of time someone took it or what combination of drugs. 

Yes, I feel for you, because, aside from the hell that is withdrawal, the secondary thing is that you suddenly are having trouble acquiring resources. All I can say is that you should write down all your social safety nets (friends, family) and use them if you haven't already. Also, if there's a way to seek out doing work that is possible while you are in withdrawal (for instance, I was researching medical data entry instead of teaching, lucky for me, Covid happened and I could teach from home during WD). I have this dream where drug companies at least recognize what they've done to us, then set up a sort of hotel/spa so that  WD victims can go there and recoup for an indefinite amount of time. But, that is not profitable, so it won't happen unless there's enough pressure for exposure. Anyways, I digress. I know you need daily assurance that this will end. I know you've waited a long time. I'm sorry no one can give you an answer on when it will end, and I also clung to trying to find that answer as well. Try to find the things that have traditionally worked for us in waiting it out-walking in the forest, yoga at home, and magnesium when needed. You will turn, but yes, how you burn up the time before then will also assist you. 

Does your vocabulary come back? Was yours ever gone. I can barely say what I try to say

[Armorall]

@Kovacks yes, when I had expressive aphasia, I definitely had a vocab problem. I had trouble choosing nouns and recalling various words. I'll have to look back on my journal to see what exactly I had trouble with in terms of word choice (there were particular categories), but it was definitely a thing. Yes, it all came back. I answered this question for someone else recently- as an activist, I sit in debates all the time and can argue fluidly and clearly, maybe even better than I used to be able to. I think I came out even sharper than I used to be, or maybe I'm more courageous after facing WD, I dunno. 

[Bernard]

Word-choice has become such a problem to me. I struggle so much to express myself. Even when I read, I’d read the same lines 5~6 times to ensure that I got it right m. But it feels really bad it really makes me hate reading. 
yeah I’d check words in the dictionary every day. But it’s just not fluid I know their meaning but just don’t know—anymore— when and how to use them. I just feel disconnected and detached from everything. I used to be very comfortable with my speaking, I’d give presentation of my work with ease. I’d learn a language so easily as well. It would flow, words just came out naturally without thinking. Now even in my native language it’s a battle. And that depresses me so much. It just doesn’t flow, something has been broken. And it kills me. I dread the day I took those drugs. 
So yeah what a word means, how do we spell it… huge struggle. 3 years that I live like that. Creativity gone, my brain is just off. 
courage to all of us, let’s stay strong. I’m sure it will come back. But not gonna lie, it’s rock bottom for me.

[Josef]

Feel good bernard, I hear you 😢

[Bernard]

Thanks!

[Kovacks]

On 10/12/2021 at 9:37 AM, Armorall said:

@Kovacks yes, when I had expressive aphasia, I definitely had a vocab problem. I had trouble choosing nouns and recalling various words. I'll have to look back on my journal to see what exactly I had trouble with in terms of word choice (there were particular categories), but it was definitely a thing. Yes, it all came back. I answered this question for someone else recently- as an activist, I sit in debates all the time and can argue fluidly and clearly, maybe even better than I used to be able to. I think I came out even sharper than I used to be, or maybe I'm more courageous after facing WD, I dunno. 

Ok, I want to draw out for you a diagram

I want you to read this left to right as time which is the way I talk

The first diagram on the upper left is how I used to talk, a way of tense rythym

Because I am so skilled; I can actually keep the conversation always above the line of inappropriateness.

My question is: do you understand the second diagram? Cause that is where my communication level is at right now

I just don't know where the diagram is

[Armorall]

@Kovacks I think if you need to check in with people to see if your words are easy to comprehend, the people around you can tell you that. My job here was to answer your questions about my experience and it was also my wish to tell you that it does get better. Nothing more. 

[MarkDavid]

I was able recently to go down from 40mgs of ziprasidone (Geodone) to .375 mg of Risperidone.  I had been taking .5mg Risperidone about a year ago and for 3 years up until that point.  So going down .125 mgs is making me feel real good and like I may be able to get off these Anti-psychotics one day.  Slow and easy.  Because I have anger and irritability from time to time.  Yet my sleep is magnificent.  All because I am tapering and detoxing very slowly.  From .5mgs of Risp to 40 mgs of Geo to .375 mgs of Risp.  And I am tempted to speed it up really fast and I try and try but always have troble with anxiety and sleep so I will stay low and slow.  There is at times but not always a little bit of low mood that may or may not be considered depression.  But it is not continuous and I was told that you would feel depressed going off of Geodon.  They say only reduce by 10% a month at the most.  That time is your friend so take all you need of your friend to help you through this.  Now I have the great idea of making this into a liquid solution so that I can taper even more slowly and have better results thanks guys.

[Escitalopram21]

I am now 9 months off seroquel and 8 months down from 10 mg to 3 mg of lexapro. It sure has been a bumpy ride. I AM seeing improvemts but i have to keep reminding myself every day because i tend to ruminate too much. I ”tapered” seroquel for 4 weeks (Thanks doc) and let my brain ”rest” for 2 weeks before ”tapering” lexapro in 4 weeks. So in a total of 10 weeks i was off my meds since 12 and 6 years back. No wonder my brain is scattered and struggling. Right now i have had many relatively good days, Meaning i can take care of my family, go to work but that is how far i am coming. I dont socialise w people and really struggle to make plans for the future. I tend to ruminate on my ability to live a full life off the drugs the most. And summers have been very hard on me so i really hope that by then i can live more ”normally” since i have two Young kids. 
 

How are you doing?

[Bernard]

anyone is up to talk a bit about their withdrawal experience?
Christmas is coming up, and I'm planning on celebrating it alone, I don't have the motivation and the hearth to do it with my family. I just don't feel it.
So I'm sort of anticipating a really bad moment, with some high moments of depressions, self-loathng, and rumination over my past, and how much I regret having been on psych-drugs.
If anyone is at the same place, feel free to reach out.
All the best

[Driksdog]

Hey Bernard! 

I saw ur Post and recognized u also got Abilify. Same here. Very dirty sh... I am off all drugs since last April. I improved very good then smoking crashed me helish. I found out that smoking reduces glutamate longterm and glutamate is directly linked with dopa. So I hope thats my crash and it resolves again with time. I felt and feel similar thinks like u. Special the stolen soul and personality experience is horrible. 

I am from Germany. I spent so much times in France. Always went to the Atlantic for surfin. It's a nice country. 

I also going to stay alone on Xmas. Hope ur OK. 

Greetings dog 

[MarkDavid]

Hey Bernard.

I hope you have a merry Christmas.

I am coming off Anti-psychotics too.

And it is important to give myself a break. 

I really believe one day it will be better.

But I am not pushing myself too much.

I just accept what I am not able to do yet

comfortably and what will push me too far.

So I rest comfortable in my room and am not

detoxing to fast.  I sleep at night.  And stay away

from people for large portions of the day.  I am not

forcing myself to work but taking life as it comes.

And one day I believe I will be able to have a job

and socialize more.  Take it easy and know we care 

about you. I hope you treat yourself today.  

[Escitalopram21]

@Bernard @Driksdog @MarkDavid

How are you feeling from day to day?

My worst symptom now and for some time already is my anhedonia. I am feeling so so flat. I dont have ANY motivation to do anything and even feeling depressed. 
 

i have experienced so so many different symptoms.

 

would anyone of u like to share?

[Driksdog]

Hi Esci! 

I still got anhedonia ofc. I have windows but most of the time 0 energy and I can't feel exited from anything. Cant say more than... U are not alone. I dont have it from ssri. It was the AP. Still hope I recover some day. Hope the best for us. 

Greetings dog 

[Escitalopram21]

@Driksdogwow. I now realized you were on quetiapin for only 8 weeks. I was on them for 6 y, my recovery Will be long 💔

[Driksdog]

Hi! 

Yes man. But I took abilify for nearly 5 month. Dirty drug. And after 3 other meds trying to save me. Not a good idea. 

Greetings 

[MarkDavid]

@Escitalopram21  I have no dried up mood yet (anhedonia).  I feel more than I did before and I like that.  But I am still titrating down and am not off the anti-psychotic yet.  I took them for 5 years so It will be a slow process perhaps.  The worst withdrawal symptom I have is sleeplessness but I can quickly reverse it by takin a small crumb off my left over pill.  So I am slowly going down and the withdrawal symptoms are at a minimum at this point.  I have the power of God in Christ to see me through this.  So I feel like I'm cheating a bit.  His resurrection power helps with my medical and physical issues.  And apparently with my psychological issues too.  I'm doing too well.  But I still feel akathesic, and feel a wave of instability pass over me from time to time.  I was avoidant in social situations more and felt self-conscious.  Also I almost went back to drinking because I felt overwhelmed.   I feel mild depressions and lack energy a lot.  I have concentration problems and lose focus in an instant.  My memory really and truly is shot.  I feel like pacing all the time.  So I am definitely going through it along with all of you. I hope the best for you.  And if there is anything else I can do to be supportive just let me know. 

[RedBunny]

☼-redbunny-zyprexa-rollercoaster

 

finally free and recovering beyond my wildest dreams  able to sing which id only dreamed of, and making my dreams come true (that which lead me into mania and psychosis in the first place). Anything is possible, fruit is medicine, live laugh and love y’all  ❤️

 

Edited February 2, 2022 by ChessieCat
redid link to Intro topic

[Lilabella]

Hi, @RedBunnydid you suffer withdrawal symptoms from your fast taper, it looked like you went down in pretty big jumps. I'm on olanzapine and about to start a 10% taper. Thanks lila 

[RedBunny]

@Lilabellahi i definitely experienced a bunch of withdrawal symptoms, such as headaches, nausea, anxiety, and insomnia for months. I’m not 100% sure in retrospect how to have best avoided these symptoms, but I do believe rest whenever possible, switching to fruits that your body can accommodate such as high water fruits (watermelon, oranges, peaches), and intermittent fasting periods, which I don’t encourage beyond listening to your body to give it rest when it needs and to avoid stress eating. Breathe as much as you can, i like to take my anxiety and use it as energy to work on breathing and healing my head and lungs. I went through months of feeling massively better and am currently running another detox, so the process may take time. It could be overnight. Have faith, be patient, you got this. You’re the world, all the healing power is in you. ❤️

[Lilabella]

So would you say those symptoms have gone now? I am hoping a slow taper means I don't get them too badly as I have a young son to care for. Sounds like you are healing yourself well its interesting what you say about fruit. 

[david1123]

Hi Is there anyone here who has taken antipsychotics for over a year and recovered, or have any success stories associated with it? I cannot find them myself and it worries me.

[lainfalco]

I was getting succes tapered bad reinstate . Now i cant get sstable again but im.trying 

[Escitalopram21]

@david1123

i was on seroquel 50 mg for 6y. One year off and i would say 60% healed or more even though i almost Cole turkeyed.

[hayduke]

I am 5 1/2 months off and doing well enough.  The biggest challenge at this stage is freeing oneself or confronting the trouble in the family and relationships that induced the issues in the first place.

 

Life and the healing process are not really any less gruelling at this stage than during the taper, but things still keep improving.

I will post back here much later when I have an update with more road in the rear view mirror.

Cheers, take it slow and stick with it.  Keep working on your self care, it's a great foundation from which to face the issues that got you drugged in the first place.