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Cabinhope

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A cautionary tale about sharing the truth with people....

I'm in AA and I have a sponsor. She's a former nurse, very old school AA.

I met with her Fridaiy night to discuss the tapering and the fact that I'm doing this without the specific direction of my psychiatrist. He knows but had recommended way too fast tapering.

I explained to her the science behind going very slowly and conservatively.

Woke up to a note yesterday from her basically saying I am 'unsponsorable', that I am not to speak (as is customary when picking up anniversary chips) this week, and that I am in a dangerous place doing this 'without a doctor'. She specifically takes issue with the fact that I am educating myself and finding guidance from an online, Underground Railroad of sorts. She has no idea about this sight or any other specifics.

It makes me feel angry and invalidated.

And it totally turns me off to AA. Ugh.

I thought I could trust her to understand that doctors do NOT know how to do this, that it's not a haphazard process, that I'm doing things as safely as I can.

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Sorry that someone you trust (have trusted) has been such a ___ (pick a word, I have a few mind ;) ) to you.
 
Although she's made it unnecessarily uncomfortable, I would guess that your sponsor has little authority to prevent you from speaking at the anniversary meeting. I hope that you can celebrate that milestone as you choose.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Thanks Scally. I'll find other meetings.

 

Meanwhile, and I'd love to hear input from any, there must be a fine balance between immersing TOO much in all of this, all the forums, reading, researching. It could become obsessive. And in my case at least, I think it could hamstring the process. Specifically, I see posts about people NOT recovering, becoming suicidal, getting worse, etc....

And this in response to GiaK's summer post about coming off of 6 things over 6 years:

 

Giak you are an inspiration to all. Very few if any have been exposed to as many drugs as you and came out on the other side. Truly amazing you are special! If I could ask what is the best thing to say to yourself during the strongest of waves when its beating you up ? I'm currently in a 6 day wave of akathisia and I've never experienced anything more than a few days here and there over my 23 months of WD.

 

"Very few, if any have been exposed to as many drugs and come out on the other side..."

 

Things like this...not helpful. I found this while looking at success stories this morning. So, try as I might to filter, I end up seeing things like this. And boy can they act as a thorn in my confidence. Same with the Washington Post story Laura Delano posted on fb a couple weeks ago.

 

So...what to do? I was 19 years old traveling alone in Central America. I didn't know I COULDN'T do it. I was unaware of the potential dangers....so I did something I didn't know I couldn't. I'd like for this process to be like that, albeit now armed with plenty of information about the way to proceed cautiously, about what not to do. I don't want to be paralyzed by these freakishly scary stories of doom and despair. I think I'm going to stop reading all this stuff, keep posting but stop digging. It's dizzying. And I've ended up in 2 Facebook groups about coming off, and everyone has different things to say about the URGENCY of getting off sooner than later, about diet, about which drug to do next. I think I'll quit those too. It's too much. I very much do not want this tapering process to become my sole identity.

 

Anyway, I've switched over to 20mg liquid, 12.5 tablet with the Trazodone. Funny how that switch is so odd for my brain.

 

Please share thoughts....

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

A cautionary tale about sharing the truth with people....

I'm in AA and I have a sponsor. She's a former nurse, very old school AA.

I met with her Fridaiy night to discuss the tapering and the fact that I'm doing this without the specific direction of my psychiatrist. He knows but had recommended way too fast tapering.

I explained to her the science behind going very slowly and conservatively.

Woke up to a note yesterday from her basically saying I am 'unsponsorable', that I am not to speak (as is customary when picking up anniversary chips) this week, and that I am in a dangerous place doing this 'without a doctor'. She specifically takes issue with the fact that I am educating myself and finding guidance from an online, Underground Railroad of sorts. She has no idea about this sight or any other specifics.

It makes me feel angry and invalidated.

And it totally turns me off to AA. Ugh.

I thought I could trust her to understand that doctors do NOT know how to do this, that it's not a haphazard process, that I'm doing things as safely as I can.

 

Hi Cabinhope,

 

Yup, I am at a crossroads with AA too now.  6 mos. yesterday for me.  I just can't seem to get it working(the program) with the W/D stuff anymore.  I don't want to go in and collect my chip and be put on the spot to say something helpful for another or risk tears or anger.  I am better off without the herb or any alcohol intake and am thankful for that however.  And wow........it's tough..........I was so into it all...........and it was helping...........I guess I must be in the depersonalization/derealization or something.  I am just so blah again.  My sponsor??..........she doesn't really know what I've been through and sometimes still go through with W/D.  I'm not sure what I will do with AA from here on out.  I am back on my island trying to get a goal or a plan going for winter.  Hugs to you and congratulations on 8 years.

 

best,

 

mmt

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Regarding AA, please don't give up. They used to say, 'don't quit before the miracle happens'. Being off street drugs and alcohol is a big deal. It's a remarkable program and can be such a solid 'family' of folks. I do think all these drugs, street or pharma, block us from the light so to speak. It saved my life many years ago and gave me wings I did not have to stay afloat.

 

It's a great program. Truly it is. But if it's not for you that's ok too. I'm not a zealot!

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks Cabinhope.  Yes, I hope to get back.  I know.......

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

I found that giving myself 3 days a week when I can be on SA has worked really well for me.  It means I can get the info I need, plus spend time helping people here, but that I also get 4 days per week of just living normal life.  I find that very necessary.  I've been much less caught up in it all as a result.

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Down to 25mg Trazodone from 33 last week. All is well! Spacey for a few days, but if anything I'm more involved with people and creativity level is good.

 

Anyone care to weigh in on which of these 7 drugs is the biggest culprit for hair loss? I was on Depakote once for a few months with noticeable hair loss, but this seems cumulative. I used to have long, THICK locks. Lately I've noticed it's so much thinner, not balding or anything like that, just thin. And it's in my signature, but they are:

Klonopin

Lamictal

Lithium

Paxil

Pristiq

Trazodone

Mirtazapine

I know, ANY of them MAY cause this but do any of these stand out?

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Now down to 18.75 trazodone. All has been smooth until just these past 4 or 5 days when I'm hit with a wall of anxiety around 4pm. It's not crippling, but it is massively unpleasant. It's heavy. I hate it. I'm pretty sure, based on something Alto said months ago about Trazodone causing the liver to metabolize medications more slowly, that the klonopin is giving up sooner as the trazodone is reduced.

 

So, is this transient? Is it the new norm? Will my brain adjust to this new arrangement of the other medications moving through my system more quickly? Or will the interdose withdrawal get worse?

 

Really want to hear your thoughts on this folks. Need reassurance. The good news, I guess, is that were it not for what I've learned here about withdrawal mimicking psychiatric symptoms I'd probably conclude that I was heading into a hole again. At least now I know it's the drugs.

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

CH - it's hard to know what will happen after only 4 days of a symptom. Keep your medications and dosing steady while observing + recording your symptoms.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

Hi all, down to about 10mg Traz. Going to hold that and start on Lithium as I have Hashimoto's, and I just want to get it off.

Jan Carol....yooooohooooooo! I read through the tapering Lithium thread but can't quite grasp what it is you did. Can you explain again?

 

And I am open to other suggestions.

I am on 450mg ER. Have been for 4 years.

It's a largish tablet that is scored suggesting I could further split it into quarters.

 

IDEAS? SUGGESTIONS? I'm thinking this...that I could take off quarters of this 450mg tablet and add back in liquid I make from 150mg capsules which would obviously be direct release....to achieve 10% decrements.

Please advise. Cheers!

Hope

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment
  • 3 months later...

Woops, just sent a note to administrators not knowing how to post in the new format yet here I am.

 

My question is about general course of action.

I really need input.  The last few times I've posted I've received no reply from anyone.

Is there a way I can get help?  Please.

Also with the new format I do not see how to amend my signature.

 

I'm off trazodone now, nice.  Which leaves 6 drugs.

Mirtazapine 7.5

Lamictal 81.25 (down from 100 this time last year)

Paxil 20

Pristiq 100

Lithium 300 (down from 450 this time last year)

Klonopin .25

 

The two things that have changed aside from trazodone are lithium and lamictal.

 

Regarding the lamictal......I had been taking 100 mg, in the form of 4-25mg tablets, for months.  Last month I tried to drop 25.  A few days in I realized it was too uncomfortable and bumped up to 87.5, adding back in 12.5.  I've been doing just so well, feeling better than ever in every way really, so I thought last week to drop that 1/2 table, 12.5mgs.  That would be 10%.

 

Again, a few days in I was experiencing extreme hostility, anger, impatientce, even being confrontational.  Just really bad.  And unpredictably so....like blowing up at my elderly father, my innocent and kind boyfriend, etc.  Not good.

 

Last night I added back in 6.25 mimicking what I did last month with success, adding back in half the amount dropped.  However, today again I was an angry hostile mess.  Years and years ago I seem to have had something similar and it turned out I was on too much paxil.  

 

So here I am, hat in hand asking for help.  Awhile ago it was suggested to maybe ditch lithium or paxil.  I'm feeling my way in the dark and really need input.  Am I barking up the wrong tree to push it too hard with the lamictal even though until now it was smooth?  My idea has been to take a little off of one here and there, getting the overall load down.  Now that the trazodone is no longer hindering my liver function I thought it could be good to do it this way, a little off of each.

 

Please share your wisdom and consensus.  What should I do next?

 

Hope

 

 

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus

Hello dear CabinHope,

 

Yes, this new software has had us all scratching our heads a bit!  To edit your signature, click on your name in teh top right of the screen.  A drop-down menu appears and you click on 'Account Settings' then over to the left of the screen, click on 'Signature'  Your signature will then appear, and you can edit and then press save. 

 

There has been some interest in this thread lately, taper-more-than-one-drug-at-a-time It's important to read the WHOLE topic, as it's quite complex, but it's probably info you are trying to process just now.

 

I'm going to let some of our more experienced mods answer your specific questions. 

 

 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Thank you so much.  Yes, I'll have another look at that thread and look forward to hearing from others.

Hope

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator

So you've been on this cocktail since the summer of 2014?  If not would you please give more details on the time from then until now.  Especially on the paxil.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Yes, I have been on paxil the entire time since 1995, 22 years.  I was off briefly for about 1 or 2 months in late winter 2013 which contributed to the landslide.  The paxil was reinstated in Spring 2013 at 40 then dropped to 20 later that summer.

 

Otherwise, all other drugs since spring/summer/fall of 2013, not 2014.  They were not all added at once but over a 9 month period in this order: paxil reinstated Spring 2013, klonopin (CT'd a few months later then reinstated) & Trazodone Spring 2013, Mirtazapine summer 2013, Lamictal & Pristiq together late summer 2013, finally Lithium fall 2013

 

To detail from 2013 until now....

Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Mirtazapine 7.5 have remained stable

 

Summer 2013--dropped from 40 to 20 paxil

Spring 2016--dropped from 125 to 100 Lamictal  

Summer 2016-Spring 2017 tapered Trazodone to zero from 50

April 201k7--dropped Lithium from 450 to 300

April/May 2017--switched from Synthroid/Cytomel to Armour then Naturthroid

June 2017--dropped Lamictal from 100 to 87.5

July 2017--tried to drop Lamictal another 12.5 but reinstated last night to 87.5

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment

And quit smoking CT from a pack a day in February 2017.  

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment
  • Mentor

I can't help you with your questions, but just wanted to pop in and give you a bit of encouragement. You've got quite a cocktail to go off of, but if you go slow and steady, you will be fine

 

I am sorry you were so over medicated, it's incredible what drs have done, prescribing these meds so irresponsibly.

 

congratulations on quitting smoking, that's fantastic!!

yoe are making healthy choices that will help you feel better overall.

 

good luck, I'm sure someone will be along shortly who can help you with your tapering questions

 

 

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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Thank you for your kind words.  I do feel discouraged right now.  Last week I did not.  Discouraged and low today.

 

The brutal kicker is that 4 years ago I was not depressed.  I did not go to my psychiatrist.  I went to my gynecologist looking for hormone help for worsening PMS.  That's how I got here.  Must be burning off some seriously bad karma this go round.

 

Grateful to reconnect with this community as I can go rogue and imagine that I've 'got this' and perhaps be more bold than wise, too confident and cocksure.

I guess I just need a plan of action so I don't go off trail at all.

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

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And just want to add that I have read and re-read Rhi's posts, particularly those in the 'tapering multiple drugs' topic and do feel so drawn to that approach.  I've mentioned this before.  It makes so much sense to me to lower them all slowly in tandem since it's all a big screwed up symbiotic tangle of different yarns.  There are so many.  But I have been waffling and confused about how to approach that so I just haven't approached it.

 

It's impossible to do this incremental lowering with the Pristiq as far as I can tell though I haven't read on that thread in a long time.  It makes me queasy to consider switching to Effexor just to get out from under a CR pill.

 

Then I've thought, maybe get rid of the Lithium altogether and then do the tandem thing with the remaining 5.  But again with the Pristiq.  OR I could pick 2 to keep in place indefinitely like Pristiq and Lamictal (?) and drop the others.  Sorry, as you all can see I'm at a crossroads.  

 

For the record I feel confident about liquid tapering and have various sizes of cylinders and syringes.  I would have to be very vigilant about writing down everything since my brain is fairly out to lunch a lot of the time and I easily forget what I'm doing from moment to moment.  The cognitive impairment is profound.  Yet I run a business and am opening a new one with partners so I just really look forward to emerging from this drugged cloud of silly confusion.

 

Ok, one last thing though I know this will likely be rejected by you guys....CBD.  I wonder if just the tiniest homeopathic tad of it could smooth things over as I come down as it sounds like it is very chameleon like in the brain, able to plug into various receptors as needed. 

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

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  • Moderator

Rhi is really the expert on tapering multiple drugs at once and her posts contain a lot of good information.  

 

Thank you for breaking out the information like that it really helps to see what's happening.  Tapering a cocktail is pretty tricky as you're coming to understand, there are so many options to choose.  A couple of things that stand out to me are the paxil and lithium.  Lithium is a toxic substance and it's use requires close monitoring.  For those reasons alone I feel it's a good candidate to get rid of early on.  Then there's the 22 years of paxil use.  I think this is the root of the problem and all the other drugs are being used to cover it up and are causing problems of their own.  Most people will start to go into tolerance after 10 -12 years on paxil.  After being on it for 22 it's almost certain that this is happening.  However, having been on it for that long it MUST be tapered slowly and carefully to be successful in getting off of it.  I was on paxil for a total of 23 plus years.  It took a taper that lasted five and a half years, but I've been successful in getting of if it.  Now, I did start my taper from 40mg which added a lot of time.  Starting from 20mg your taper shouldn't take as long.

 

I'm not really making recommendations yet, more just supplying information and thinking out loud.  We need input from some of the other mods who are more familiar with the other drugs in your cocktail than I am.

 

There are several threads that discuss CBD.  A quick search should supply a lot of information.  My observations say that it's not worth the bother, some people have found it helpful for the short term, while others have had fairly bad reactions to very small amounts.  In the long term it appears to be as ineffective as just about everything else we've run into.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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I'm with you on the Lithium and would be game to knock that one out next, solo.

 

Interesting to hear your thoughts on paxil and would love to hear more.  I guess I never considered that it, alone, would cause problems from years of use.  But as we all know there's no science behind any of this so who the hell knows.  

 

Holding everything.  I have this image of carefully deactivating a bomb that has a tangle of wires.  You guys are the bomb technicians, I'm the one responsible for deactivating it with your best input and cumulative experience. 

 

Having taken off what little I have and feeling so much better for it, I have a taste of freedom and liberation and hope I've never had before.  This latest lamictal hiccup aside, which has resolved, I have really been living a truly good life.  And I've felt just real excitement about revealing myself more and more as I peel away these chemicals.  Just want to do it 'right'.  If only there were just one or two.....Stick with me through this and watch, I'll write a book.

 

H

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator

" I have this image of carefully deactivating a bomb that has a tangle of wires.  You guys are the bomb technicians, I'm the one responsible for deactivating it with your best input and cumulative experience."

 

One of the best descriptions I've ever heard.  Attitude and understanding are two of the real keys to this process, and it looks like you have them in spades.

 

Paxil, as well as all ADs and APs (anti-psychotics) work by changing the physical make up of the brain and nervous system.  They "down regulate" the neurotransmitter receptors by turning them off which causes an excess of the neurotransmitter to build up and create the"desired effect".  In doing so they also affect all the other systems in the body.  In order to maintain this effect the drug must be present or else the brain etc. won't be able to make the "altered parts" work.  With out the drug there is complete chaos.  However, the body is designed to work in a certain manner and doesn't like having the drugs upset the way things should work.  Over time (many years) the body finds ways to work around the drugs, but it can't undo the changes the drugs are keeping in place.  This disparity causes the body to go into withdrawal even while the drug is present.  This is tolerance, or as we lovingly call it poopout. Tackyphylaxis is the medical term.

 

There are two things that can be done about it. Increase the dosage, which works for a while but has a lot of problems of its own. I went this route and it cause major problems in my life.  Or slowly decrease the dose and let the body readjust itself to the smaller amount of drug.  If done slowly enough the body can make the adjustments with out many problems, if done too fast the body gets very confused abd we get WD symptoms.

 

Paxil was originally developed to be used for six months max.  Then when doctors discovered that people were having trouble getting off of it they decided that it was "their original condition" returning and put them back on "for life".  This is part of the "chemical imbalance theory" which has since been disproved.  In fact the drugs are causing an imbalance that the body is struggling to correct.

 

That's the basics on paxil.  Pretty interesting stuff if you can step back from how bad it makes you feel.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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Oh yes, down-regulation, Peter Breggin, Anatomy of an Epidemic.....I've tried to educate myself as much as a lay person possibly can regarding neuro stuff.  I just have the most basic understanding, as you've laid out.  Not like Alto and Rhi and others but some.  I have also read a bit about neurosculpting, ala Norman Doidge, and so have also just the most basic understanding of how powerful the brain is and cunning and skilled it is at healing, laying new paths, adapting, etc.  I do understand that in taking these drugs away it must be done with patience and a steady hand and TIME.  I hope the bulk of these drugs hasn't done irreparable damage.  All I can do is my best with what I've got in my lap...while being as conservative as possible with my actions.

 

Thanks.....

H

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment

Ok, one last thing though I know this will likely be rejected by you guys....CBD.  I wonder if just the tiniest homeopathic tad of

My observations say that it's not worth the bother, some people have found it helpful for the short term, while others have had fairly bad reactions to very small amounts.  In the long term it appears to be as ineffective as just about everything else we've run into.

 

Are you seriously contemplating this?  No judgment - just checking.How is it going?

Edited by AliG

Many SSRI's and SSNRI's over 20 years. Zoloft for 7 years followed by Effexor, Lexapro, Prozac, Cymbalta, Celexa, Pristiq, Valdoxan, Mianserin and more - on and off. No tapering. Cold turkey off Valdoxan - end of May 2014

 

                                                  Psych Drug - free since May 2014
.
         

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Hi Ali!

How is it going?  It's going.  I disrupted myself a little by, I guess, pushing it too hard with the lamictal.  Figured I should re-hook up with you guys for direction instead of being intuitive and maybe a little haphazard even.  I've mostly stabilized but not all the way as I thought earlier this morning.  Is that what you mean?  How am I?  You can see in my signature that I'm all off trazodone and have come down some on both lamictal and Lithium.  Need y'all's input for next step(s).

 

CBD, cannabidiol.  The non-psychoactive extraction from the hemp plant.  Being lately touted to have remarkable healing properties for Parkinson's, epilepsy, brain things in general it seems.  But I don't want to rock my boat.  At all....but it makes sense that if it's working as an anti-convulsant when big pharma anti-convulstants are NOT working then it certainly gets one's attention.  

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment
  • Moderator Emeritus
6 hours ago, Cabinhope said:

 I have this image of carefully deactivating a bomb that has a tangle of wires.  You guys are the bomb technicians, I'm the one responsible for deactivating it with your best input and cumulative experience.

What a great picture!  And as Brass says, a great attitude and understanding of this whole process.  I'm following your thread with interest Cabinhope.  JanCarol has lots of lithium knowledge, so hopefully she pops in here too. 

2010  Fluoxetine 20mg.  2011  Escitalopram 20mg.  2013 Tapered badly and destabilised CNS.  Effexor 150mg. 

2015 Begin using info at SurvivingAntidepressants.  Cut 10% - bad w/d 2 months, held 1 month. 

Micro-tapering: four weekly 0.4% cuts, hold 4 weeks (struggling with symptoms).

8 month hold.

2017 Micro-tapering: four weekly 1% cuts, hold 4 weeks (symptoms almost non-existent).

2020 Still micro-tapering. Just over 2/3 of the way off effexor. Minimal symptoms, - and sleeping well.
Supplements: Fish oil, vitamin C, iron, oat-straw tea, nettle tea.

2023 Now on 7 micro-beads of Effexor. Minimal symptoms but much more time needed between drops.

 'The possibility of renewal exists so long as life exists.'  Dr Gabor Mate.

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Hmmm, I guess I have people stumped.  I have no plans to make any changes for at least another 4 weeks so it's cool.

 

Not to complicate things, and I should probably add this to my signature, but I need to throw this in there....I have migraines.  I never had a migraine in my life until starting these drugs.  The migraines do tend to be hormonally driven, however, the fact remains that they did not appear until 4 years ago.  I do know, though I have a poor understanding of it, that Lamictal and estrogen interact.  There is a strong interaction between estrogen based birth control and Lamictal so it stands to reason there's some degree of interplay between natural estrogens and Lamictal.  And I do know that Lamictal has a reputation for increasing headache activity in general.

 

That said, I have to take a triptan drug for these migraines.  The triptans, in my case sumatriptan, tinker around with serotonin.  I do have a concern about serotonin syndrome when I take the sumatriptan.  I have symptoms approaching serotonin syndrome when I take the drug.  Hot, edgy, dizzy, etc.  But it has never disabled me or sent me to the ER or anything.  Having one today so it reminded me.

 

Woohoo!  So there's that.

Hoping a happy weekend for all.

Hope

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

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  • Moderator Emeritus

Hi Cabinhope, I just read through your latest posts and am speechless at your doctors' way of experimenting with psychotropic drugs for hormonal issues, they should not be allowed to prescribe these drugs at all :angry:,  Gia is a real roe model for us, showing us that it can be done, and our Rhi tapering so carefully is an inspiration. 

 

As you have tapered trazodone recently and reduced lamictal by 20% and lithium by 33% it makes sense to hold for a while for your brain to catch up and have a break. 

You will get there in the end, and it will be worth it. As you get older you won't get worse you will get better because you are tapering a cocktail that is making you sick. Imagine that, your friends and family watching you walk faster and look younger as you get the poisons from your body instead of ageing :)

 

I had really bad headaches when I was taking effexor, and they got less intense as the dose lowered. I didn't even realise it until one day I remembered the last one and it had been weeks ago. I haven't had any since stopping. 

 

I tried CBD oil but very briefly and only took it once or twice, I was worried about reactions and about it showing in blood tests. I do remember one thing thouGH, I fell asleep on my daughters sofa and she told me after that it was really nice to see me sleeping peacefully and I should stick with the oil. I have a sleep disorder and she had never seen me sleep so peacefully, even said my snoring was like music :lol:

 

 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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Thank you mamma.

Yes, I plan to stay put for a month at least, perhaps more.  I know, steady wins the race.  I want it very much, to be off.  Just don't know plan of action.

Hope

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment
  • Administrator

Cabinhope, do your headaches come on at a particular time of day?

 

Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages so we can see if this is related to the Lamictal.

 

When was the last time you had liver and kidney function tests? You need to have kidney tests regularly when you're taking lithium, and you're taking a bunch of drugs that are metabolized by the liver.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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Ok, I'll have the liver and kidneys checked.  

 

I most often wake up with the headaches.  I do take the bulk of these drugs all at once just before bed.  I take the Klonopin, Lamictal, Lithium, and Mirtazapine at bedtime.

 

I will take better notes.  I keep a daily line graph charting my mood visually, but could be doing more to keep specific notes.  I have been feeling so great I think I just got out of the habit.  

 

A friend and I were talking last night and it occurred to us that switching around with my thyroid meds while tapering is probably just a really bad idea.  I'm waiting to hear about current thyroid labs as I'd bumped way up about 6 weeks ago, and have gone from a low-ish dose of synthetic T3 to a pretty high dose via desiccated hormone.  It feels like I could be over replaced.  We shall see.

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

Link to comment

Update of interest...thyroid labs from 2 wks ago were just shared with me yesterday.  Both T3 and T4 below range, slipping since April when I tried switching from synthetic T3/4 combo to NDT.  Even after 3 dose adjustments my body cannot make use of the natural hormone.  And I wasn't unhappy with synthetic, just experimenting.  

 

So, obviously have to let those #'s get back up.  Go ahead and remind me not to try to take on the world at once.  

 

Please don't let my thread go fallow.  Still need a plan for when the time is right.

 

Enjoy this day.

H

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

How are things now CH? Hope you are feeling better. 

**I am not a medical professional, if in doubt please consult a doctor with withdrawal knowledge.

 

 

Different drugs occasionally (mostly benzos) 1976 - 1981 (no problem)

1993 - 2002 in and out of hospital. every type of drug + ECT. Staring with seroxat

2002  effexor. 

Tapered  March 2012 to March 2013, ending with 5 beads.

Withdrawal April 2013 . Reinstated 5 beads reduced to 4 beads May 2013

Restarted taper  Nov 2013  

OFF EFFEXOR Feb 2015    :D 

Tapered atenolol and omeprazole Dec 2013 - May 2014

 

Tapering tramadol, Feb 2015 100mg , March 2015 50mg  

 July 2017 30mg.  May 15 2018 25mg

Taking fish oil, magnesium, B12, folic acid, bilberry eyebright for eye pressure. 

 

My story http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/4199-hello-mammap-checking-in/page-33

 

Lesson learned, slow down taper at lower doses. Taper no more than 10% of CURRENT dose if possible

 

 

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I'm doing well.  Mad at myself for fooling around with thyroid as it is delaying any tapering at all.  I at sticking with Naturthroid trying to get my levels up to where I think they should be.  Another group, thyroid focused, shared with me that my years of #'s reflect my never having been at the optimal portion of range for either T3 or T4.  I wish Karma were available to chat with me about thyroid, but I posted on that thread, here on this forum, months ago with no response.

 

Interesting though....after still being low for 3 months after 2 bumps up in NDT dose I made a quick foray back to Synthroid/cytomel last week thinking I shoudln't have abandoned that.  Within 4 days I devloped a large and painful lump in one breast, totally out of the ordinary for me.  I did not think to attribute it to Synthroid.  After 10 days back with synthetics, synthroid/cytomel, I was feeling totally crummy and edgy city.  Osteopath encouraged me to stick it out with Naturthroid last Thursday, same day I was sent to breast imaging for that surprise lump.  Even the oncologist was perplexed....ultimately, after ultrasound, labeling it a 'complicated cyst'.

 

Two days after stopping synthroid, boom, cyst gone, pain gone.  No trace of it.

 

Anyway, that's where I am.  Thank you for asking.  I'll be here until my 'free' numbers are not just in range but higher in range than they ever have been.

 

Separately, I am at a crossroads with my career having been in interior design for 20 years, having planned for the entire past year to open a new textile business with 2 partners, investors and inventory in line ready to go.  I had an auspicious conversation with a cool woman at my current shop a few weeks ago.  She's 62 and just getting her nursing degree, living in Denver.  Was in marketing her whole life.  I shared that I've missed the west, specifically Missoula, every day since living away but haven't known how to afford living there again, resolving to just stay here in Virginia.  She encouraged me to fast track an RN program and go wherever I want, that at 46 I'm NOT too old to switch gears.

 

But THESE DRUGS.  I can't remember anything!  It's hard for me to focus and absorb new information.  I want to be realistic about my limitations....BUT I also refuse to let this crappy situation (having landed on a bunch of brain drugs) hinder my life's potential.  Through everything, the total wreckage of my nervous system, the travesty of landing on these drugs...through it all I've continued to do life and mostly do it very well.  Yes, I am aware that I'm different, the drugs have affected my acuity.  But I'm tenacious and determined.  But where to draw the line between the retiring attitude of 'woah is me, I'm screwed' and 'I'm going for it'.  Or maybe the only question is, 'Is my brain too under water to consider rigorous academics again?'  What's realistic?  Assuming I could get through an RN program I don't want to be in the position one day of mistakenly giving Mr. Smith a double dose of morphine by accident because my brain is mush.  Sigh.  

 

I will say this, I'm already sharper today after coming off trazodone and down a bit on both lamictal and lithium than I was 4 months ago.  There's that.  Hoping that trajectory continues.

 

Input welcome.

1995-2012 Paxil 20mg, Tegretol 200mg

2012 Gynecologist screwed me up massively by suggesting a quick and easy switch to Lexapro from Paxil.  Eviscerated CNS.  Ended up on...

Paxil 40,  Mirtazapine 15, Lithium 450, Trazodone 50, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 125

August 2014 Pax 20,  Mirt 7.5, lith 450, traz 50, Pristiq 100, Klon .25, Lamic 125

April 2016–May 2019

Verrrrry slow, slow tapering of different ones here and there.  Currently sitting on:

Paxil 20, Lithium 225, Pristiq 100, Klonopin .25, Lamictal 50

Quote

Never surprise the brain!

 

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This is an interesting situation to be in, lots of possibilities.  How long has it been since you've been to Montana?  I went back to Bozeman a few years ago after being away for a long time and hardly recognized the place.  All the wide open areas were getting built up and many of the things I loved about the place were disappearing.  Before making a big change I would suggest a road trip to compare how things are to sweet memories.

 

When I was 46 I was just wrapping up my second career.  It took two more years, then I was forced to make a lot of changes.  I didn't retrain, but did make a major change in direction as I embarked on my third career.  When I was in Film School many years ago we had a saying, "there's the film you imagine, the film you write and the film that actually gets produced".  The same is true for life.  The trick is to get a final produce you can live contently with.

 

I have to be somewhere 20 minutes ago, but I'll write some more later.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

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