kahleeb: The Journey So Far...

[JanCarol]

I suggested abstention, while you are numb and not feeling.

 

You said:

First off, I don't think that is fair to her. Sex is something that, I believe, was designed by God to be the ultimate expression of love within the confines of a marriage. It is the closest you can get to someone physically and you connect in mind, body, and soul. I am the kind of person that wanted sex at least 3 times a week prior to stopping Lexapro. Did that happen? Not very often but we still have had a very active sex life. Even now, we still try about once a week but the connection is not there for me. I am like a robot going through motions.  I never have cheated on my wife but I often wonder if this is how sex feels in those situations. However, I would assume there would be some sort of thrill in that. There is no thrill, desire, enjoyment, connection, excitement, etc.

 

Do you think it is fair to her to go through the empty motions?

 

Talk to her.  Perhaps she doesn't need it as much as you think.  Perhaps she is doing what she thinks is right for you, because she loves you.

 

But there is a certain cruelty to: "I am doing this because it is blessed in the eyes of God, but I don't feel you, I cannot see your beauty, I cannot address this connection to you." and then do it anyway?

 

From a woman's point of view, if my partner cannot feel my hair, see my eyes, cherish my heart and my being, I do not want empty sex with him.  Then it just becomes a bodily need, like eating or eliminating.  

 

My suggestions about abstention are more about looking for connection.  Find the places where you do connect - and that may not be physical right now.  Maybe it is watching the kids sleep.  Maybe it is sharing food.  Maybe it is singing together.  Maybe it is holding each other - with no expectations for "performance." 

 

If you can come to this, it will be liberating, and has the potential to deepen and enhance you relationship further.  That, to me, is more fair to her than "going through the motions" that you do not feel.

 

Take care Kahleeb, I hope you see the Sun today.

[kahleeb]

Update 5/22/16: I saw the Naturopath on Friday and explained to her I was concerned that we were on the wrong track if she felt detoxing my full body—including my brain—was the key in resolving my issues. I explained that the more I study and research this, the more I am led to believe this is a Central Nervous System issue. She agreed with me and said we will come at it from a multitude of fronts.

 

For the Central Nervous System, I will continue to see the Specialized Massage Therapist in the office. She uses a variety of techniques to help bring healing to your Central Nervous System (CNS). The primary one in this is by using Tuning Forks. That may be wacky and sound “far out there,” but I am putting my full hope and trust in this helping me. 

 

I saw the Specialized Massage Therapist last week, on May 17, 2016, and we went over all my symptoms, details of what has been done, and what I am hoping to achieve. After some prayer, she was confident we had a plan of action with the Tuning Forks and skipping any other treatments—like the Essential Oil Raindrop Technique.  She did say that my Brain was not nearly as inflamed as when I saw her last. So this was a definite improvement. 

 

She talked about how the CNS and Pineal Gland specifically was probably a big reason why my lack of connection to Spiritual matters and Sexual/PSSD issues were taking place. She said these treatments she will do will help with the communication of the CNS. She said healing can and will take place and it probably won’t be as long as I fear it will be. In fact, after this last treatment, I noticed that I also have some attraction towards the opposite sex—mainly my wife—back. This is a HUGE step forward.

 

The Naturopath also agreed I should continue seeking treatment with the Emotional Freedom Release specialist.  I will refer to this as EFR.  I also went to an appointment on the same day, May 17, 2016, as the Specialized Massage Therapist. This EFR appointment wasn’t so great as some past emotions were coming back. This is mainly due to a situation with losing a friend, that I talked about a few posts ago, and some situations at home. My wife went to the EFR on Saturday for the first time and we will go as a couple at least the next appointment—on June 6, 2016.

 

To help make sure past emotions don’t find their way getting inside my organs, she put up a “shield” for me. I simply activate it everyday and it keeps the Negative emotions away. Negative emotions are all low frequency and it doesn’t stop positive emotions from entering me. 

 

The Naturopath seems very committed to coming at my issues from a variety of different ways. Mainly she is seeing what my body needs and trying to give it that. This is being done via diet and supplements. Once everything is within normal levels, I fully expect her to make some supplements permanent—while adding in a few others—and suggestions for permenant diet and lifestyle recommendations. 

 

Now, I am on a gluten free and soy free diet eating Paleo style. Will I do this forever? I don’t know. I do feel a lot better eating this way but I don’t think I will forever give up processed foods or always stay away from Gluten or Soy. I expect this to just be a period in my life where I straighten my body out. But, I do think I might eat more Paleo style going forward just because it seems so healthy. I am now down over 10 pounds since I first started. 

 

People who have known me for a while will look at me and tell me how “alive” my eyes are, how my skin color seems more vibrant, how I look so much healthier, and how I put off this positive vibe. Hopefully my brain will catch up to this soon so I can fully enjoy this.

 

I also wanted to address the concern about the Naturopath. So far I have heard one negative story here about them. I haven’t been able to find any others. Are there bad naturopaths out there? Are there bad people who practice alternative medicine? Yes. However, just because there are a few that are bad, it doesn’t mean they all are bad. If someone has a bad reaction to reinstatement of a medication—to properly taper it—does that mean everyone should quit reinstatement because of this bad experience?

 

I think we have a serious problem in the mental health field. Doctors are prescribing medications that they have no idea how they will interact with your body. Then when you have a negative experience, they basically take you off cold turkey and start you on something else to experiment with. Does this mean nobody should be on medication? Not at all. I feel it is a necessary thing for some people. It is, however, over-prescribed and the Pharmaceutical companies and doctors both have no idea how to properly get people off these drugs or what they actually do to your bodies. This is because they haven’t been studied correctly. 

 

I hope we can get this changed some day but it is hard to stop big money that pays off the politicians and leaders of this world to get their agenda passed.

[scallywag]

kahleeb:  Great to hear that your symptoms are diminishing. 

 

I was the one who had a "healing crisis" while working with an ND. If I understand it correctly the concern here at SA about the naturopath (which I share) is the approach -- coming at a problem in so many ways at once.  It's almost like a siege on an already-sensitized nervous system, little different from conventional psychopharmaceutical therapy which often recommends poly-drugging. If you can't get in to see your ND on short notice when something comes up with the treatment, you *might* be best served by asking for/insisting on a protocol that adds one treatment or supplement at a time in a gradual step-wise fashion and allows time (2 weeks +) for effects to appear. That way you're in a better position to identify what's of benefit, neutral, or negative and you'll be gently introducing treatments to your already-sensitized nervous system.

 

As the EPA says, "Your mileage may vary."

[kahleeb]

kahleeb:  Great to hear that your symptoms are diminishing. 

 

I was the one who had a "healing crisis" while working with an ND. If I understand it correctly the concern here at SA about the naturopath (which I share) is the approach -- coming at a problem in so many ways at once.  It's almost like a siege on an already-sensitized nervous system, little different from conventional psychopharmaceutical therapy which often recommends poly-drugging. If you can't get in to see your ND on short notice when something comes up with the treatment, you *might* be best served by asking for/insisting on a protocol that adds one treatment or supplement at a time in a gradual step-wise fashion and allows time (2 weeks +) for effects to appear. That way you're in a better position to identify what's of benefit, neutral, or negative and you'll be gently introducing treatments to your already-sensitized nervous system.

 

As the EPA says, "Your mileage may vary."

I can definitely agree with the "your mileage may vary" on a Naturopath but disagree with anything the EPA, or other government agencies, recommend or endorse. This is mainly because they are the reason why we have problems with AD and W/D to begin with. If they weren't having their pockets lined with cash, these drugs could be properly tested both while on them and when going off them.

 

I have had several bad Chiropractor experiences in my life and one "just okay" one.  I was pretty desperate after a back injury and decided to try another Chiropractor after normal medicine couldn't fix or diagnose my problem. I found a GREAT chiropractor who helped me get relief and I have been seeing him for over 5 years now.  Just like anything else in life, "your mileage may vary." This includes supplements, prescription drugs, doctors, clinics, etc.  For me, reinstatement was an absolute failure in relieving anything or providing any changes. But would I say it is a terrible thing to do? No, I would simply say "your mileage may vary."

 

I also agree that our systems are very sensitive when going through this. But I tend to believe it is better to throw everything against the wall and see what sticks--if you are under proper care.  I am not the kind of person that will sit around for years waiting to be healed or find relief if there are 20 different things I can do that "might help."  This may just be me though.  If there is something I can do and I don't try it, my mind won't let me rest until I try it.  

 

And I say all of this as a person that is not completely better.  If I had to put a number on it, 10% better would probably be too high.  I am on a healing road though and I have a path before me with things I am actively doing to help me get there.  If I don't have my hope in something to help me, then I will become like those folks over on the PSSD yahoo group who are "wallowing in self pity." You can't even come alongside someone like that and pat them on the back. I don't want to be like that at all.

[kahleeb]

I decided to email the pastor of my church, Denton Bible Church, and talk to him about the issues I have been having with withdrawals.  He suffered with a major depression issues years ago and was away from the pulpit. He is one of the few Evangelical Christian leaders who has stood up to say it is okay if you need to go on medication for these issues. He spoke on this subject, for the first time publicly, on March 27, 2007.  You can view his talk here. 

 

Like me, he was on Lexapro. However, until my email to him, I wasn't aware he is still on it.  He started on 10 MG and is now taking 20 MG daily.  He has attempted to get off his medication 4 different times and has failed each time.  I do not know the circumstances on how this failed. However, he told me his psychologist says that around 30% of people who begin taking SSRI drugs, like Lexapro, can never get off them without serious issues. They need to remain on them for life. If you can get off them, you should only do so by reducing your dose 5 MG at a time. Even then, you should stay on them for at least 10 years before attempting to go off SSRI drugs.  I do not know know how I feel about all of this.

 

The one bright spot was it was very refreshing for a respected man of God and Evangelical to not have any harsh words or criticisms about me mentioning my loss of Spiritual connection to God.  He did mention that most Christians have no idea what they are talking about when they say negative things and I should just not bring up the subject around others who are closed minded or could be potentially negative about it.

 

I also was doing some Google Searches for books on SSRI drugs and ran across a couple of books from Dr. Peter Breggin. One book he wrote was extremely expensive--even for the Kindle edition. It seems it is being sold a textbook so you have to rent it or buy it for a whole lot more.  The book I did get from him can be found here.  Anyone familiar with Dr. Peter Breggin?  His bio can be read here.

 

With no improvement in my spiritual connection to God and my connections to others--especially my wife--I would definitely consider going back on a full dose of Lexapro if someone could give me a large percentage that it would fix my issues.  Then I guess I would sit tight for 6 months and look at the 10% taper method talked about here.  However, Dr. Peter Breggin would appear to be against this thought so I continue to research my next move...

[kahleeb]

I went out to Los Angeles, California to cover the Electronic Entertainment Expo, or E3, and when I was out there and coming back I noticed a great deal of what I think is Depersonalization and Derealization.  The only way I can describe it is it is like I am living in some alternate reality. My kids, wife, mom, family and friends are all there and the same. But it is like something is off. My brain tells me that they aren't the same people and it is like a bad dream.  With this and my other symptoms not going away or improving at all, I feel trapped in that "hopeless" mode where I am going to be like this forever.  

 

I don't really want to consider medication to fix the issue but perhaps these drugs have damaged my brain so much that only medication can fix it?  I sadly reached out to my Psychiatrist that I have written about here and he told me: "There is a newer serotonergic antidepressant called trintellix, formerly Brintellix, generic name vortioxetine. It might rectify the problems you describe. I suggest you do some research on it."

 

This is probably a dumb question to ask this forum, but what are your thoughts on this drug and am I just asking for more trouble, down the road, if I try to take something like this to help now?

 

It seems like my options are:

• Try going back on Lexapro
• Try a new drug
• Continue with what I am doing and hope my brain heals itself in time

I wish there was a 4th option that was just Be Magically Better because the above options all are not very good.

[kahleeb]

Update 7/4/16: Still unsure about my next move, and not getting any feedback here, I decided to do some more digging online.  I came across some videos (which are also on Youtube, from a guy named John Gray. A lot of the stuff he said made sense and I tried to reach out to him for a private 1 on 1 session. He, however, isn't really doing these anymore. You can see the videos and thoughts he has about Depression and what makes a Man get this way here. He also recommends some products like Lithium Orotate that he sells in an online store or you can pick up from other places like Amazon. The Lithium Orotate is super cheap and comes with a lot of pills in a bottle.

 

Watching the videos, on Depression, from John Gray got me thinking, could I have low testosterone? Nah, surely not. I am only 36 and never suffered from it in the past. Only since going off Abilify and Lexapro, while continuing with Propranolol, have I encountered all these problems I have. Oh, what the heck, my insurance will cover the initial screening for $20 bucks so lets go for it.  I called up a local "Low T Center" about 25 minutes from my house and made an appointment on Saturday (July 2).  I got there and felt out of place. There were much older guys than me waiting for injections of Testosterone and I just kept thinking that surely I would be okay. I fully expected them to say that I was normal and they couldn't help me.

 

I explained to the doctor that saw me about my history with SSRI drugs and how I feel now after being taken off them so abruptly back on January 27. He hadn't seen a case like mine before and felt it would be good to proceed with the blood test since I was mentioning a TON of symptoms that signaled Low Testosterone. The results took about 20 minutes to get and I was told my Testosterone Number was 156.  To put this in perspective, normal range is 300 to 998. Once you hit 30, a guy loses about 1% of his Testosterone production a year. 156 is a number that someone in their low to mid 60's might have. 

 

My insurance requires I come in a second time for another blood test and additional screening before they will cover this. I definitely want insurance involved because TRT, or Testosterone Replacement Therapy, is SUPER expensive. The drawback to starting something like this is that once you get started, you are on it for life. This is because your body will completely quit making what little Testosterone it already makes. I have already been eating super healthy, losing weight, and doing everything I can to produce more Testosterone besides hitting the Gym hard 3 times a week. I just don't have the time or energy to do that in my current life situation with 4 small children as a stay at home dad.

 

Was my Testosterone low before January 27, 2016? It is really hard to say but I don't think so. There are now studies that show SSRI Antidepressants and Beta Blockers like Propranolol can actually destroy the Testosterone production in your body. You can read about some of these initial studies here:

https://www.anabolicmen.com/prescription-drugs-lower-testosterone/

and

http://www.priory.com/psych/sexdys.htm

 

These drugs I took, and most other drugs out there, are terrible for you. Sadly, I am going to have to have Synthetic Testosterone injected into me for the rest of my life to counter what has been given to me--what I was told by doctors, healthcare professionals, and the Federal Government as safe. I was lied to. Sure, could this Synthetic Testosterone also be bad for me? You bet. However, I am willing to try ANYTHING to not feel this way. 

 

While I have no idea if this will solve all my issues, it just might get me normal again. I am also saddened by the fact that no doctor, healthcare professional, or any other person even brought getting tested for Low Testosterone as an idea. 

[themasterpiece]

Hey, read my story. I am just 25 and I am also suffering from PSSD and extremely low testosterone

[themasterpiece]

And khaleeb, have you tried testosterone yet?

[Altostrata]

As this is a peer support site for going off psychiatric drugs and not specifically for the treatment of sexual problems, we're not in a position to recommend any new drugs for treatment of anything, including PSSD.
 
Taking steroids such as testosterone carries a lot of risks. If your hormonal system has already been upset by psychiatric drugs, adding large doses of a hormone may make some things much worse.
 
We can't answer questions about PSSD remedies here. There are several PSSD support groups where people are experimenting with various drugs. As far as I know, no silver bullet has been found and all the drug experiments carry substantial risks.
 
If you require intensive support for PSSD, please join the Yahoo group SSRIsex, pssdforum.com, or RxISK Research on PSSD | RxISK

[kahleeb]

As this is a peer support site for going off psychiatric drugs and not specifically for the treatment of sexual problems, we're not in a position to recommend any new drugs for treatment of anything, including PSSD.

 

Taking steroids such as testosterone carries a lot of risks. If your hormonal system has already been upset by psychiatric drugs, adding large doses of a hormone may make some things much worse.

 

We can't answer questions about PSSD remedies here. There are several PSSD support groups where people are experimenting with various drugs. As far as I know, no silver bullet has been found and all the drug experiments carry substantial risks.

 

If you require intensive support for PSSD, please join the Yahoo group SSRIsex, pssdforum.com, or RxISK Research on PSSD | RxISK

Talking about Testosterone should not be against these forums. As SSRI drugs are now known, by studies, to ruin the testosterone levels in men who have gone off the drugs.  This is exactly what I was talking about in the post you deleted.  Am I offering medical advice Nope. Am I telling someone where to go to get help? Nope. I was very vague and not specific in what I was referring to. 

 

I believe that the issues with PSSD go along with the symptoms of Spiritual Block or spiritual numbness and the ability to connect emotionally/spiritually with those closest to you. These issues all are connected and all happen from withdrawal of SSRI drugs.

 

The fact that you even mention the two groups above, for PSSD, is a joke. There is no help or assistance there.  Better yet, lets block this post because i mention PSSD in it and it isn't the focus of my time here. I have mentioned on several occasions that though I suffer from PSSD I am not here asking for help with it. But it is something I still struggle with.  

 

It is obvious that you and others do not care about me, what I am going through, or wish to offer me any help. I will no longer be posting here. I truly believe that if someone doesn't fit in the "little box" you have created to describe everything that happens, when off SSRI drugs, you don't care. If it doesn't fit within the posts already made, then that person is just making it up. 

[kahleeb]

As this is a peer support site for going off psychiatric drugs and not specifically for the treatment of sexual problems, we're not in a position to recommend any new drugs for treatment of anything, including PSSD.

 

Taking steroids such as testosterone carries a lot of risks. If your hormonal system has already been upset by psychiatric drugs, adding large doses of a hormone may make some things much worse.

 

We can't answer questions about PSSD remedies here. There are several PSSD support groups where people are experimenting with various drugs. As far as I know, no silver bullet has been found and all the drug experiments carry substantial risks.

 

If you require intensive support for PSSD, please join the Yahoo group SSRIsex, pssdforum.com, or RxISK Research on PSSD | RxISK

I also will add that going on Testosterone Replacement Therapy is not putting anything at risk. If your body is low on Testosterone, it will cause problems for you. This is true for both men and women. There are countless studies on this.  Low Testosterone can lead to health issues if not resolved.  For someone who sees how blind psychiatrists are to SSRI withdrawals, I find it very hard to believe you would be equally blind to the trust behind TRT.  

 

Remember, TRT must be done under the care of a trained medical professional and not done on your own.

[Altostrata]

Good luck with your testosterone experiment, kahlee.