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Buffy - finding my way

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Buffy

I am trying to find my way to a medication free life.

I am currently on 50mg of Fluvoxamine and have not been able to get lower without significant problems.

I am worried about how much to share. I have spent 12 years on a variety of medication, with worsening symptoms and new problems. I was a "good" patient, I followed their advice and their prescriptions. It didnt work.

My story is long, complicated and painful. I would like to communicate with others who understand.

Chirstmas day 2015, I discharged from a psychiatric hosptial. My medications at that point were - Lyrica 150mg, Fluvoxamine 200mg, tapentadol 100mg, clonazepam 2mg daily (often encouraged to take more as inpatient up to 6mg a day) with prn lorazepam (up to 5mg), olanzapine (up to 30mg) and paracetamol/codiene (up to 180mg per day).

I "woke up" last year after a CT scan revealed that my complaints of pain were infact real. I started tappering off Zeldox with my psychiatrists guidence. I had been on 80mg for 5 years, he dropped me 20mg in the first week. I ended up in hospital. From there its been a continual mess of them medicating me until I stopped seeing all of them around 3 months ago.

I am struggling, but many things are so improved. I want to continue to heal but have hit a road block.

Sorry to be scattered.

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AliG

Hi Buffy. Welcome to S.A. You will find lots of support and information here.  You've done well to come as far as you have. That's no small feat. What is the road block that you're experiencing?

Is Luvox  the only medication you are currently on ?  It would be great if you would put your drug  and withdrawal history in your signature. Doing this helps people understand your context. It appears below each of your posts. 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

We can offer more concise advice after we know a little more of your history. In the meantime, here are a few links that might help : 

Brain Remodelling

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/5095-tips-for-tapering-off-luvox-fluvoxamine/

 

Healing from antidepressants. Patterns of recovery/

 

Ali

 

 

 

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KarenB

You are in the right place for being understood - even if you are feeling scattered.  Slowly, as you find your way to bringing more healing into your life, you will feel less scattered and more like 'you'. 

 

What problems are you having when you try to go below 50mg?  If you browse round this site you'll find lots of threads and discussions about dealing with withdrawal symptoms (both emotional and physical).  Just see the Symptoms Forum. 

 

It's good to have you here Buffy, and as AliG said when we know more detail from you, we can give you more help.

 

Welcome to SA,

Karen

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Buffy

Thankyou for the swift response.

 

I will fill out my signature as I figure it all out, I am on a smartphone at this stage and have some difficulty. I am interested in those links - thankyou.

 

I am only taking 50mg of fluvoxamine. I do take over the counter pain medication on occasion.

 

When I tried to drop the dose to 25 mg, I had extreme nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea. I lived in the bathroom in a state of panic for days until finding information that the drop in dosage was likely too quick and I resumed 50mg. That was the most distressing for me - As well as all that comes along with not being able to eat and being in pain and alone.

 

I have been back on 50mg a few weeks and I feel ok now. I have dizziness, blocked ears, blurry eyes, pain, muscle spasms, bad balance, still some gastric issues but nothing too distrssing, fatigue, terrible memory, headaches, teethaches, shakes, dry mouth, crying and the usual, anxiety. Of course to mention every little thing would be a waste of time but those are what bothered me today.

 

Anxiety started all of this and is much worse now days, although I seem to be able to cut myself off? Im not sure of the psyc terms, they threw so many at me, perhaps dissociation?

 

I will get to my signiture asap as I have been on many combinations and am starting to suspect most of my issues were soley med related.

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Buffy

I am having major problems with motivation and energy.

 

I can push myself to do things, but at any moment my body seems to go "off" and I physically feel awful. I sit down before I fall and thats it for a few hours until I manage to push myself again. I feel no sense of achievement nor happiness for finishing a task.

 

Back when I was on Zeldox (geodon) my pdoc said I needed to do "behavioural activation" to get my energy back. For years I have forced interaction and activity with no benefit and usually high distress. I am dubious that forcing myself is effective.

 

I have my first rent inspection in 2 days. Perhaps no big deal for some, but its paralysing to me. Anxiety plays a part, no doubt. Guilt gets me moving. I know I'll get the place clean and suitable but I am scared at what cost? I am not dealing with pain well.

 

I should mention that I have back pain. Undetected for many years. After chiropractic treatment I feel much better. But now I am also aware my pain is real and not in my head (as previously suggested and treated by pdocs) and I find it more difficult to ignore.

 

Im still finding my feet here.

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AliG

Buffy. Just do what you can , and be gentle with yourself.  Your body needs time to rest , and if you can give it that at various times when you feel you can't push through, then your recovery will be quicker than ignoring your body signals.

Have you tried Magnesium baths. They might help a little with your pain , but if not they are great for reducing anxiety and promoting relaxation.

Ali

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KarenB

You're actually doing really well Buffy - you have so much to cope with, and getting your head around all this new information is no small thing.  I think you're right that pushing yourself so much probably isn't helpful.  Sometimes we just can't move out of a situation until we've give ourselves all the rest and care and healing that we need.  You know yourself much better than any 'professional'. 

 

For now, it's probably best to stick to the 50mg till you are feeling more stable.  Your last attempt to go below that was a 50% cut, so that would explain why it gave you so much trouble.  When you are good and ready for more tapering you'll have much more success if you go by 10% drops (or less if you really want to be gentle with yourself). 

 

Some good reading on anxiety:  Non Drug Techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

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Buffy

Thankyou both.

 

One thing after another as life often is. I am struggling with boredom, lonliness and hatred of my life (but not towards myself).

 

 

Im at the point I am so stressed to face another long week alone and in so much pain, that I want to take Zyprexa so I can just pass the time. I feel so weak.

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Buffy

Its the morning of another long week.

 

I dont know if i can stabilise on 50mg. Physically my body is sick and unwell but not to the point it was at the 25mg drop. I can handle the physical symptoms at this stage (although the nausea stops me in my tracks).

 

I am having itchy dry cracked hands, scalp and feet. This only ever occured on Lyrica. I dropped that a few months ago. Could it be related?

 

My brain is upset most of the time. I read through the suggested threads but have difficulty holding on to info. I was disappointed in the emotions thread, I was hoping for something new - but none of that is. I have done most of whats suggested over the years with zero help. DBT was the stupidest course I have ever done- it was all common sense!

 

Ive done over a decade of therapy. 7 years of psychodynamic therapy, with awful results. Therapy seems to make me worse.

 

Im not sure how to deal with my brain. It is so so angry. And bored. I had never really been bored before.

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Irvingkirsch

Thankyou for the swift response.

 

I will fill out my signature as I figure it all out, I am on a smartphone at this stage and have some difficulty. I am interested in those links - thankyou.

 

I am only taking 50mg of fluvoxamine. I do take over the counter pain medication on occasion.

 

When I tried to drop the dose to 25 mg, I had extreme nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea. I lived in the bathroom in a state of panic for days until finding information that the drop in dosage was likely too quick and I resumed 50mg. That was the most distressing for me - As well as all that comes along with not being able to eat and being in pain and alone.

 

I have been back on 50mg a few weeks and I feel ok now. I have dizziness, blocked ears, blurry eyes, pain, muscle spasms, bad balance, still some gastric issues but nothing too distrssing, fatigue, terrible memory, headaches, teethaches, shakes, dry mouth, crying and the usual, anxiety. Of course to mention every little thing would be a waste of time but those are what bothered me today.

 

Anxiety started all of this and is much worse now days, although I seem to be able to cut myself off? Im not sure of the psyc terms, they threw so many at me, perhaps dissociation?

 

I will get to my signiture asap as I have been on many combinations and am starting to suspect most of my issues were soley med related.

 

Hi, I tapered off Fluvoxamine a little over 3 months ago and I get the blurry vision too which is awful. On the days I sleep better, my vision is much clearer. Have you noticed that as well?I'm wondering if the blurry vision is a symptom of sleep deprivation.

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Buffy

Im not sure if the vision issue is related to fluvoxamine for me. When I started on Lyrica my vision was disrupted, it has not recovered but all sources say it will in time. The optometrists didnt want to recommend glasses because the issues come and go.

 

I have no doubt being tired affects eyesight, but I sleep 6+ hours a night with little problem at the moment.

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ryella

Hi Buffy,

 

You've found the right place.   :)  

We all have empathy for your situation and by some degree have experienced similar issues with psychiatric drugs. Reading what you've experienced, I honestly felt a great deal of things I could identify with.  Especially the physical sickness of withdrawal. Peace, love, and hugs.

 

I am currently listening to this video. Things like this, and other calming things of this nature may also be a good way for you to stay calm while weaning. 

 

 

And by the way, if your username is in reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, that is one of my favorite television shows! Or if that's your name, that's wonderful too.

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Buffy

Thank you :) I cant watch vids at the moment, Im on an iphone with limited data. My computer died last night - thanks to windows 10.

 

I am a major Buffy fan and it has been one constant strong source of hope for me.

 

Im angry today. I started so bored, but it mutated to hate and anger. I know anger is not good for me but ignoring it isnt either.

 

I guess its mediation time.

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Buffy

Im questioning everything. I feel so sick and the pain is ridiculous. The pain is far less than that of gasto that had me put on a drip with painkillers that had me thinking the orderly was a beautiful angel 5 years ago. I wont be presenting at emergency though.

 

Its been a month at 50mg and while I say I can handle the physical symptoms, there is not a moment that I dont wish I was dead.

 

What do I do?

 

I have a feeling my ears are infected too but the doc will take one look at my shaking sweaty agitation and probably try get me to go to hospital. They all do.

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ang

Hi Buffy., found you :)                     Ear pain can also be caused by the pills/  reducing the pills.         I still have it at night, some nights. I used to have chronic ear pain, and so many antibiotics, now I just think it was the meds I was on.

 

Is there anyone you trust, that could go with you to the doctors if you need your ears checked?  Are you in homeswest?   I also panic about rental inspections, but I ring them, and let them know of my fear and panic, so they are pretty good about it.          Do you have a doctor you trust?  

 

For my eyesight, I have some cheap glasses, you can buy them in the chemist,  mine are 1.5 x magnification.     Some days I need them to read a book, or read the computer screen,     most days now, I dont need them.                     Anyhow, much cheaper than getting proper specs, and no point.  My eyes have improved heaps.

 

What can you do to distract yourself? When you feel really bad?     Is it possible to get someone to fix the computer?   Can you watch television, read books?                       I found for me, when really bad,  I could do silly computer games,  mine was a simple one, just matching pairs.   It forced me to try and concentrate on something other than the emotional pain.    I still dont go out for walks yet,  but I can leave the house now, grocery shopping and stuff like that.

 

When was the last time you felt reasonably OK, like stable?  Before the cuts to the other pills?     I am hoping that information might help the moderators with some suggestions.                     Meanwhile, hang in there, and dont do any cuts for quite a while.

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ang

Oh another thought,   I will just toss it in and see if you think it might help.            I started seeing an addiction counsellor,   I regard the psych pills as addictive!   Anyhow, I only went a couple of times, as it just didnt seem to fit the mold,   the counsellor said he had helped people with the psych drugs before,  but I dont think he had.            Yeah, these pills are harder to get off than heroin,  so you are doing really well, although you cant see it at the moment!    They are more evil, as we  dont actually crave them,  but they are more addictive in the sense, that our bodies have adjusted to them,            so all that crap about them not being ""addictive"" is just a play on words.

 

Anyhow, you dont sound like you have support,  so perhaps if you tried to arrange to see  a counsellor,  ie as backup, and we all need backup!  It would be a good place to start, then you have someone, that is definitely NOT trying to push the pills on you,  they are trained to get people off pills.              Even though this is a really new area for these addiction counsellors, well just a thought,  would be better than seeing ANYONE trying to push the pills, and if something did happen, you have a backup to say, exactly where you are at?  Someone on your side, so to speak.

 

If you ever need a direct chat,  I am on the computer most days.    

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Altostrata

Welcome, Buffy.
 
I am so sorry you seem to have a history of mis-medication.
 
After being on and going off so many drugs, it will take time for your system to right itself. There will be many waves of bad symptoms. Please try to stay calm. Learning meditation would be an excellent approach to dealing with your distress.
 
What is your daily symptom pattern, your drug schedule, and dosages? Do you feel better or worse after taking fluvoxamine? Has your symptom pattern changed over the last month of 50mg?
 
If I were you, I would hold at 50mg for a good while, until your daily symptom pattern has some semblance of regularity.
 
See our Symptoms and Self-care forum  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/forum/8-symptoms-and-self-care/for suggestions about how to cope with symptoms.
 
For example, there's a topic about Epsom salts or magnesium baths. As AliG mentioned, these are often soothing and relaxing.
 
Many people do better with fish oil and magnesium supplements, see
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1300-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/
 
You might use olive oil or coconut oil, if you can tolerate them, on your hands, scalp, and feet.
 
How are your vitamin B12 and D3 levels? See

Vitamin B12 -- essential for mood, nervous system
especially http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1392-vitamin-b12-essential-for-mood-nervous-system/?p=12855

Vitamin D3 (cholecalciferol or calcitriol)

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Irvingkirsch

Im not sure if the vision issue is related to fluvoxamine for me. When I started on Lyrica my vision was disrupted, it has not recovered but all sources say it will in time. The optometrists didnt want to recommend glasses because the issues come and go.

 

I have no doubt being tired affects eyesight, but I sleep 6+ hours a night with little problem at the moment.

 

Very interesting, so you've gotten off all meds except for Fluvoxamine and you are sleeping fine naturally?! Wow, you are so lucky. That's awesome!

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JanCarol

Hey Buffy - another Buffy fan here - I don't really have anything to add to Ali and Alto's wise words, but I'll see what you have to say after you've read them.

 

You went on and off a lot of powerful drugs very quickly.  

 

How are you going?  Have you tried the epsom salts?

 

Please let us know how you are so that we can respond!

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Buffy

Wow heaps of info here, Thankyou so much!

 

There is much to answer. I dont want to write a novel but I will try to get to it all.

 

 

I used epsom salt baths for years (I am/was a competitive horserider for over 15 years, it is how I hurt my back, but was also so beneficial for my core strength) I do enjoy them. Pro-tip, buy epson salts at the stockfeeds. Supermarkets are grossly over priced and many tend to add chemicals. I had a bath after the inspection, it was nice for 10 minutes, but trying to get out has my muscles cramping right back up. Im worried to bathe in this home alone as I have bad balance and dizzyness. Ive needed a shower chair on and off for a few years but dont have it in there at the moment.

 

My days are muddled lately. Today I really listened to the pain, that I needed to relax before I even got out of bed. I have been practicing meditation for around 8 years. It took a long time for me to get into the "zone", holosync did help me get to that level. I no longer use it, ear phones hurt too much! I am usually able to meditate, I tend to know within 10 minutes if it will be helpful, sometimes I focus on the pain.

 

A councillor is an idea I have been playing with. I do have a caring housemate, but he doesnt get it, my best friend is currently in hospital with cancer (treatable at this point). My other good friend is heavily pregnant with a risky pregnancy. My mum is overseas holidaying. The rest kinda say Its my own fault for not staying on meds. I have rarely had a therapy free period of my adult life. Every single one suggested meds or med changes and were in close contact with my pdocs.

 

My last therapist was a psychodynamic psychotherapist and psychiatrist. She wasnt authorised to prescibe dexamphetamine but was sure I needed it, so meds came from another pdoc and she did the talk stuff. But every crisis ended up with more medication. Week after week I saw her, for over 7 years. It was only last year she said to me "I did the emergency department rounds, and I have never seen anyone in so much pain". Cue chiro, then realising pain was the root of the current problems! I tried to leave her a few times. I'd bring it up, that this therapy was making me worse, less funtional, i would end up so distressed she would make me promise to come back the next week and recommended a benzo after each session. The last session, I went in with an open mind, but determined to tell her that therapy was not working and i could not "hold" the emotions through the week, and spent days in bed after each session. She was frantic saying she saw "shifts", I asked what? Blank stare. She kept trying to make me promise to come back, at first I said no, but she was so forceful, I said I would think about it. I said goodbye to her shocked face and as I left she yelled down the hall was I suicidal? Does she have to call Dr H? Did I need hosptial? I paid and left fast as I could. She called me for weeks after. I wont answer the phone to a number I dont know now. Not long after that I got a no show bill from Dr H for an appointment I knew nothing of. So I wont go back to him either cos its a full $350 for a session I didnt book and its not the first time they've done it.

 

So Im a little weary of therapy.

 

Ang, it was a bulk billing gp who put me on lexapro, never saw him again. My parents searched for a doctor who would admit me to hospital, they made me pack a bag for each new appointment. I saw maybe 2 psychs with 2 suicial med changes, til Dr Charky-papp put me in Perth Clinic. 2 weeks the first time, 3 months the second time... And so I began the rotating door of the clinic. I have been through all of the perth clinic groups (most at least twice) and I have done many outpatient groups. I also did groups at sentians when that was open. I have been in mostly private clinics - Perth Clinic, Hollywood, Marian centre, none for less than 2 weeks - usually over a month. I have been put on forms twice, swan district and royal north shore, as well as the cops taking me into armadale evey single time I called lifeline... (NEVER mention intrusive thoughts to a phone line!!)

 

Sorry distracted there. Where was I,

 

Yes, I do tend to sleep ok - in saying that, I am generally in bed not long after the sun, so total time in bed is around 10 hours. I think knowing that I have melatonin (and it works for me) helps even though I havent taken it in over a year.

 

This time last year, I was on 80 -120 mg zeldox (ziprasadone) 200 mg fluvoxamine, 2mg clonazepam and 10 mg dexamphetamine with prn lorazepam and Zyprexa. Since then I have been on zyban (welbutin?) for energy, it made me so agitated, so they added xanax which completely made me troppo. I carved Help into my legs, I had never carved words into myself. (I did SH for a few years but not for a long time and never did I show anyone) I took a photo and sent it to my mum. The guilt of that kills me every day. I have never done anything like that!

 

After that was when I asked to be taken off the zeldox. And then in and out of hosptial for months, finally losing my job, animals and home 2 months ago. I had to move from my farm to a tiny villa in the worst suburb. At least I kept my Bunny (Anyanka the bunny for all you buffy fans ;) )

 

I realise now I dropped the meds really fast, but it was still slower than the pdocs ever did for me!

 

I am quite surprised, its taken an hour on iphone to write this, and I actually feel a bit better. Thankyou.

 

I will stop typing now, do some reading and get back to the rest.

 

Thanks for your support. I do not have much nowdays. I did have a fantastic network in my old community, but not anymore, and I am lost.

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Buffy

I have strange reactions to vitamins and suppliments.

 

Vitamin B seemed to make me busy in the head, and my urine was disgusting, I figured it was going straight through. Ive been on and off different brands over the years with the same result.

 

Vitamin D levels were low at the blood test before last, I only took a few tablets from the expensive bottle they gave me, and the next blood test it was normal. I was outdoors a lot with the horses though.

 

Zinc - out of the question! I was so so so sick taking this, whilst in hospital. It took them 4 days of me crying and living over the toilet bowl for them to think, hey maybe the zinc messes with her!

 

Magnesium is definitely something I want to try again. I am scared to get pills though, as even multivitamins make me spew. I used it on horses and it was fantastic ( along with vit b for nervous types). Is there a powder or another way of getting it? Diet?

 

I admit my diet is awful right now. When I can eat, its crackers. A wave of super hunger comes over me sometimes, so I binge on the junk near here. ($8.95 for 2 whooper meals from hungry jacks, whilst a cauliflower costs $6 and I's still have to cook it, convienence is almost detrimental :P )

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Buffy

My med history is extremely complicated. Everything started out as "monotherapy" but within weeks I had more drugs on top. Off the top of my head, I'll list some. I have only moved house 7 weeks ago and not sure where my paperwork is. (I am considering getting access to my records - has anyone done this? I think I read a thread on it, brain is fuzzy)

 

04 - lexapro - suicidal within 2 weeks

Switch to lovan, suicidal again. Added a prn and not long after I was hospitalised for the first time (I had never been in a hospital overnight in my life).

 

Mish mash of ssri's lovan to luvox, then mirtzapine, which made me swell, the first of the weight gain drugs. Then onto reboxatine, this stuff made me agro! The nurses gave me magazines to destroy, I covered my room in rubbish and got mad if anyone touched it.

 

A few more and it was effexor time. I think effexor should be illegal!! I have never been so incredibly sick in my life. Dr CP put it up to 675mg. Understandably, I went manic. Booked a $3000 holiday and then walked in traffic. Cold turkey off that, 3 wks sui watch and a spew bag attached to my face and a nappy on my arse. 6 months later was my first locked ward.

 

At the time I was admitted to royal north shore, I was on huge amounts of medication. I was on seroquel and Zyprexa daily, 40 - 60 mg dexamphetamine (pdoc encouraged use if I was tired) zoloft, lovan and sleepers. The hospital cut all my meds dramatically. They were shocked and said it was so dangerous to take that all together. I felt awful for 5 days where they restricted my medication and could not get hold of dr CP (it was christmas time). There were meetings, so many meetings. Eventually they got hold of Dr CP who confirmed that I had been taking medication as directed and I was released to sydney clinic. Im not sure too much of what happened in that time, I was in NSW too sick to travel home to WA and my parents were discussing taking Dr CP to court on advice of royal north shore. I had 2 friends also under the care of CP. both "bipolar". One ended up with liver failure at 22. It took a long time for her to get well, now she has a beautiful family, but her young daughter has serious health issues.

 

I feel that whole year of drugs set me up for failure in the following years. I went to a few different pdocs and therapists, always ending up on meds. I had a great run with Dr W, I told her the moment I met her that I would not go to hosptial. She never admitted me, I never needed it under her care. She retired and the doc hunt started again.

 

I started with my psychodynamic psychotherapist pdoc then. I chose her because she did NOT have admitting rights. She said I had adhd and started me on strattera. Half my body went numb, I was drooling, cold turkey off that as soon as she saw me. within a few months, I was back in the hospital system through her pdoc friend who became my meds doc. After more med mess arounds, I went on seroquel 900mg, I was ok for a little while but I was a zombie. I could not work with my horses in that state, even with the dexamphetamine they love to give me. Dropped the drugs completely, had an awesome 6 months manic til "mixed episode" and. Zeldox started as monotherapy but very quickly I was on an AD and stimulant. Then last year the discovery my pain is real as seen on a ct scan. Now I am where I am.

 

I have had hormonal issues, I believe from psych meds, diagnosed pmdd. I was reffered to my pdocs gyno friend from uni. He told me the Mirena was my only option (I got DVT/blood clot from the pill). So I had that done in 2014 and got worse than ever before. Another 3 months in hospital, started fluvoxamine/luvox, started codiene. I constantly complained of pain from it, they told me it wasn't hurting. It was. When it was taken out it was instant relief. And I was informed of cervix damage from insertion.

 

Then saddness for a while, I had been convinced not to listen to my own body.

 

Again later for pain management, I was referred to another friend of the pdoc. This one he was in clubs with. He doped me with Lyrica, polexia and codiene. He mentioned it was recorded that lyrica and fluvoxamine interact but oh so casually said that if I get serotonin syndrome its just a trip to the emergency department and no problem, not to worry.

 

 

Its all a bit complicated, so much can be fleshed out, the hormone issue alone is horrible for anyone, but not the issue here. It did influence how I was drugged.

 

The nausea is daily for me, I find travelcalm can help when the vomiting is constant, I have only used it twice in 7 weeks though. Its just nice to know something will help.

 

Dizzyness and balance are problems, we've put mats on the floor and most way around the house I have something to hold - this improves with chiro so could be back related.

 

Eating - either too sick, never interested, but I have put weight on (other say I look like I have lost it but the scales dont agree). I guess because when I have eaten, its been carb loaded.

 

I think I should stop there. Carried away a bit. I used to journal a lot but my handwriting cant be read now. Surpisingly my eyes are not too bad today - but I think I will get some chemist glasses for the days its not.

 

Thankyou for the practical suggestions! :)

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DarkSoul

good luck with all this, we all know how insane this is to go through. lay low and try relaxing. exercise lightly. try meditating. i wish you luck on your journey. soul

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Buffy

Thanks Soul. All the best to you, Dont let them tell ya you dont know body!

 

I take my meds at 5.30pm daily. I feel worse in the afternoon, but slightly better around 7. After I have taken the fluvoxamine, I wind down. Dinner, shower bed is about all I can manage, and lately I've skipped the dinner and shower bit.

 

Housemate has made a lovely home cooked chicken and veg meal tonight.

 

I am feeling so much better today than yesterday. Housemate mentioned that I took lorazepam sunday night, it had slipped my mind, I dont have much memory of the weekend (no illicit drugs or alcohol involved). That explains why yesterday was so bad for me.

 

I've been on and off benzos - mainly clonazepam and lorazepam. I never seemed to become dependent, I always took myself off them once released from hospital and used it prn. Funny, my pdoc said clonazepam prn could make me dysphoic but only a few months later, his mate the pain specialist told me to take it prn.

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Altostrata

Going on and off drugs makes your nervous system hypersensitive to many drugs, supplements, even foods. Sometimes people who have low vitamin levels can ramp up by taking tiny amounts at first and gradually increasing.

 

If I were you, I would get the B12 levels tested. Those drugs for gut problems tend to reduce the ability to absorb nutrients, particularly B vitamins. Low B12 can contribute to many symptoms, including low mood and pain.

 

Does fluvoxamine make you drowsy?

 

Benzos can "rebound" hours after you take them -- as they wear off, you get surges of anxiety or worse. It sounds like you have become hypersensitive to benzos and experience rebound or a paradoxical reaction to them. This is exacerbating your symptoms. If I were you, I would avoid them.

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Buffy

Thankyou for your advice.

 

Is vitamin B tested by blood test? Is there a brand that is better than others (I am an Aussie)?

 

I had known that the day after Lorazepam, I have some awful thoughts. Usually it had to do with putting my animals down, because I felt utterly incapable. I loved my animals and would never think that "normally".

 

I rarely do take benzos, but I need a reminder every now and again, that the come down is not worth the relief.

 

Fluvoxamine doesnt make me drowsy as such, but it is like the day has caught up with me and my body is floating and my mind is spaced out (i figured from the days fatigue)

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Buffy

So I went to the chemist after chiro and got a few things.

 

Magnesium, dissolvable tablets in water 300mg.

Vitamin B12 1000mcg

Vitamin C 500mg

 

 

It went really well with the new chiropractor. I got really queasy on the drive, basically stumbled in their holding the walls. I filled out the paper work and put a note that I was withdrawing from medication.

 

We had a good chat, she confirmed much of the advice given here. And she went really easy on me. I have a follow up tomorrow, and she said call her asap as soon as I notice anything amiss. Shes only a 10 minute drive away so I am thankful and relieved that I have support close by. She seems slightly concerned that I dont have a medical doctor overlooking the withdrawal, but I do have a GP within walking distance that I have seen once, he also takes walk ins.

 

I am not planning on lowering my dose of fluvoxamine until I am more well, I am aware this could be months, but that is ok as long as I can level out. I seem to be able to get through most issues with the thought "this will pass". I am not really functional, but havent been for a long time now, infact I am probably a little more functional when it comes to using my brain.

 

It is so nice to be able to breathe again!! Being able to breathe really helps anxiety and tension. I am so relaxed right now, I almost feel in a dream state.

 

Back to the vitamins - I had a magnesium drink but that is all I am adding at this point. I'll see how I go with it and how my stomach reacts.

 

Next I will start vitamin B, when do you recommend to add in new vitamins? How long does it take for any adverse affects to show up? Generally if a vitamin pill doesnt agree with me, it doesnt stay down.

 

Oh I have fish oil, I have taken it on and off for years. I was so happy when they released the no burp ones! I find many brands make me nausous, I do have about 500 pills left of the brand I like, so I'll add that too. How do you recommend taking these? Last time round I took 2 tablets 3 times a day with food.

 

Vitamin C I have seen mentioned for many problems. Im in no rush to start it. Cold/flu season is here, and I do feel it helps. Horseradish and garlic have also helped me with flu symptoms in the past. I wish I had remembered that when I had flu symptoms coming off antipsychotics!

 

I have to keep reminding myself to take full breaths, its too easy to keep it shallow since that is what I am used to.

 

Chiro also pointed out that I AM clenching my jaw. She will do some work to release that tomorrow. Also much of my body was "out" and I didnt realise until I felt the relief, this is common for me. She mentioned many symptoms that I hadnt. The only one she got wrong was constipation, its actually the opposite at the moment. But I was very impressed with how thourough she was in addressing symptoms.

 

Ok meditation time now. Not sure if magnesium or lunch or activity related, but Im spent.

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ang

Hi Buffy,  the bowel problems,  aggh,  yeah I still alternate between constipation, and the other   sh++tting oneself.        But gosh, it has improved so so much for me.   I am only nauseaus now, in the mornings, rarely actually vomit,  so that is improving wonderfully for me. 

 

All these things are just body healing, re adjusting after the chemical onslaught ..................  How is your friend with the high risk pregnancy?   I was a pathologist before,  please tell her, dont get jabs in pregnancy  (sorry had to say that!).       Anyhow, do you still have horses,  I had minis for a short while    (yeah during my manic stages........... I really had no where to keep them!).            Love that effexor (NOT!), gosh, I was only on 450mg,       wow, what were you on?  and you survived!  WOW!

 

Anyway, I am hoping we will become on-line friends,  I just think you are awesome!  What you have been through, and still so damn practical!   WOW!   And of course, I am only 450km  away, and yes understand the system in W Australia, and have experience with both private and medicare doctors.

 

Stay well, and type often  You may not realise it now, but just your posts, have inspired me, and I am sure so many to follow,  well done!

 

Ang

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Buffy

Thankyou Ang :) I appreciate the support more than I can put in words.

 

My pregnant friend was at king edward last week for a check up, she is ok but is babysitting another friend who is having addiction issues with Illicit drugs and she called me for help with him, last I spoke to her, so I didnt tell her any issues I was having.

 

My best friend had her cancer surgery today. I really wish I could have been there more for her in person rather than text, but Im really too unwell to confidently drive the hour to visit. Plus terrified of hospitals! She is recovering but in a lot of pain.

 

I dont have my horses anymore :( its the first time in 18 years I have not had easy access to ponies. They had been a lifeline for me. After I lost the job and house, we had to move to a tiny place in the suburbs. I've not lived "in town" for a loooong time, its very convienient but was a big change. Im setttling now though. Im on the homeswest list but still waiting for a place. The house I am in now is quite pleasent, even if small. I sold all my horse gear when I moved and brought a new bed and furniture, a BIG change from the farm lifestyle. The shower stays so clean here!

 

I am very sad about my horses. My last mare has retired now, shes out in a field with her daughter (who is pregnant with my dream foal). The dream foal was supposed to be mine at the end of the year, but without property, it is out of the question. I feel awful for her owners as they did this breeding specifically for me, and now I cant follow through.

 

They are a lot of work. I guess I didnt realise how much until I didnt have them anymore. It was really strange not to have to go and rug or stable or muck out or fill waters everyday.

 

I also had 2 young goats, chooks, a duck and my bunny. The goats and birds got rehomed through friends (I get updates which is so sweet). The bunny stayed with me. She's kept me somewhat sane! (If you consider talking to a bunny sane :P)

 

I am and have been a huge believer in the ability of animals to calm and in some ways heal. I have seen too much magic to doubt it.

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Buffy

Well mentally, I feel ok mostly, but physically I am still having bowel issues and nausea, so so hard to function. Holding at 50mg, i havent changed the dose and am not getting any better.

 

Suppliment are NO GOOD for me. All of the ones i brought made me sicker.

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scallywag

Buffy, welcome back.  Most symptoms are difficult; sorry to hear that you've been hit with the digestive ones that are their own unique bedevilment.

 

That's a great realization about supplements. If you need to try them later, you'll know to try them one at time and to start with very small amounts building up very gradually.

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Buffy

I have told people since I was 8 that suppliments make me sick. But every few years someone says "muscle spams need mag" or "you need calcium" and I give in cos its supposely worth a try. Its not.

 

no one ever believes me that they make me Sick. And I am convinced out of my own judgement.

 

 

So symptoms at this moment?

 

Pacing

Crying

Coughing

Very frequent bowel movements

Pain, so much pain, stomach, back, legs and neck.

Shaking

Agitation/anger

Shaking

Sweating (drenched)

 

Thats just this arvo.

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KarenB

You're coping with such a lot Buffy - I'm not surprised it's starting to weigh on you.  How do those symptoms you've listed relate to when you take your Fluvoxamine?  Are they better in the morning than the afternoon?  A symptom list like that, but which includes when you take your dose would be very helpful.  

 

Also, are you on regular or extended release?  Fluvoxamine has a very short half life, which can mean more w/d symptoms, so if you are on regular then you may wish to try splitting your dose into equal morning and evening doses. 

 

Let's see if we can figure this out.

 

Karen

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Buffy

Thanks for you reply, i am trying to get a list together. Withdrawal wise i seem better at the moment (holding on 50mg) but another rent inspection tomorrow and my back is out terribly. 60 yr old mother is more capable than me.

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Buffy

Sorry to pop in with a differnt issue but dont know where to turn.

 

Chest pain. I would class it 6-8 out of 10 pain wise (stabbing subsides to a 6 baseline for 4 days now). I went to te hospital and then the gp. They did not listen to me and only offered pain drugs. I gave in and took the gps drugs as she said "few side effects" . (Mobic)

 

 

I am very ill now on top of chest pain. As in **** the bed ill. I am constantly sweating and in what i consider very bad pain.

 

I feel so awful and dont know where to turn. The flashbacks since being in emergency have been silly, and i know anxiety is not helping (but also know its not the cause). Hospital tests were fine so i left asap. The nurse said she had never seen anyone rip the leads off and jump out of bed so fast.

 

Any ideas for chest pain relief positions or what i can do? Hot baths And showers help to a degree, im in 6 times a day.

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