Buffy - finding my way

[scallywag]

Buffy, I'm quoting the post you made in the chest pain thread because it provides more detail than you've posted above. I wish I had an answer to your question; sadly, I can't help you with that.
 

Im hving an awful time. Pain hit middle of my chest 8am on the 16th of sept.

Called dial a doc - they said hosptial. Went to hosptial. They tried to drug me. I said i would take medications if needed to treat a problem but would not take pain meds since you cant find a problem.

Pain still bad went to gp. She said its muscular and gave me pain drugs, despite me saying i did not want pain drugs and in my opnion was not muscular pain as the chiro was my first port of call. He cant fix lungs...

Pain got too much. I took the gp's stupid drugs. I got stupidly sick. Pooped the bed, the lot.

Called dial a doc they say go to hospital. Hospital can only help if i want pain drugs and I do not!

I begged for help, eventually decided to take 1mg clonazepam as that has the least side effexts for me and at this stage I am panicing. I took it 2 hours ago. I am slightly sleepy- definitelty no effect on the pain. I do feel calmer but scared of how I will handle the come down ans if this chest pain doesnt leave in the night - what to do next?

[Buffy]

Mum took me to another gp as the pain is the same. He told me pain meds dont cause diarhioea.... I looked on the packet info when I got home - side effects - nausea and diarhioea. I hate doctors who lie. He sent me home with a script for valium...

 

I didnt fill it. We started to go to hospital again but we're worried they section me as i was in an agressive panic. So I came home, found a stash of ole pain killers and had a palexia. I threw it up pretty quick. Mum said i needed to calm down so 2 mg of clonazepam this time.

 

Ive been pretty much immobile since. Headachey and my back is bad from tryin to relieve my chest.

 

On a good note - the adult nappies i brought are awesome and comfortable and make me a little less anxious about pooping the bed again.

 

so Im heavy duty meditation. Some light stretches and thats anout all i can do. The chest pain is constant and the same but im starting to learn to block it out - unfortunately it also makes me disconnected and there fore les aware of my agressive tone

[Buffy]

Thankyou.

 

Im sorry ive not updated for a while, the chest pain fiasco has only just resolved. I still suspect withdrawal as nothing much was found.

 

Anyway, not dropping my dose at all yet, my concept of time os scewif its only been about a year off antipsychotics, and still a few konths iut from the last drops that were all done too fast. I am getting better but at times the stress drags me down. Im having trouvle with impulsivness and anger that were not issues before meds. My weight has ballooned but my pain is MUCH better so i am trying to up the activity level. I have muscle spams ans im not sure if this is weakness? My mouth drags down. I find it hard to meal plan and shop. Sometimes i shop and am too sick from it to eat for days and there goes the lot! I cant get help so its just keep tryng. A self care thibg i need to learn to deal with in any state.

[Buffy]

I am very unstable. I have times of ok, but my menstural cycle is related to my mood, i get suicidal some months (which is still better than getting suicidal EVeRY month) and i just feel like why bother. I cant stop getting my period, i have 20 more years of that ahead. I'd just rather not bother anymore.

[Buffy]

Sorry, dont stress not gona do anything. Just venting and when i am stuck in the toilet i get confused as to what i am posting where and need to stay off the ithing

[KarenB]

Glad to hear that Buffy.  I was sitting here trying to work out what to reply...

 

Perhaps a good focus for you would be things that could help keep your mood/emotions stable, which in turn would flow on to keeping other things stable.  For myself, keeping my mood stable involves eating no white flour/sugar, doing 5 mins gentle yoga first thing out of bed, getting outside, listening to guided meditations, spending some time with friends who are more stable them me .  The first and last ones I listed there are probably the most important, for me anyway. 

 

How about meals you can cook and then freeze?  So nothing goes off, and you have easy meals when tired. 

[Buffy]

Thabks for trying.

 

Ive been doing qigong daily for around 3 weeks. I have become quite agressively manic since begginig it. It does give me more energy but no outlet for it - i get abusive. To myself and thenperson who lives here. I still do qigong becasue i feel bettwr but no one else around me does

 

I have bulk frozen meals, most contain meat. I left the freezer open on te weekend and lost the lot. Doesnt matrer tho cos i can never stomach it anyway. Ita ok for my housemate though ao i guess its just me that cant hack frozen meals

[KarenB]

I was thinking of things you cook then freeze - not those pre-packaged frozen meals you buy.  Something like making a batch of pasta sauce and freezing jars of it, which you can then add easily to pasta.  Or make a lasagne and freeze it in meal sizes.  You can make things which appeal to you. 

[scallywag]

If the energy you are getting from qi gong is helpful, would you consider either taking fewer sessions or stopping altogether to switch to something less stimulating, e.g. tai chi?

[Buffy]

After my chiro appointment i can try tai chi again. It was too hard for my back, but with the strength ive built from qi gong i think i could give tai chi another go.

 

I just realised it is a full moon and many of my anxieties eased. I thought i had lost it, i was gone, going to be locked up and drugged for saying nasty things. But when i saw the moon, i became aware. I have observed my mood is erratic around the full moon, which my mentural cycle is also in sync to. When i saw the moon i realised why i had been so hopeless and anxious.

 

Ive since done some deep meditation. I find it very hard to balance all of my self care needs. Im ignoring my body because its so demanding and i cannot fuction if i cater to it. Its responding in pain, i just need to wake up to it and listen in the first place.

 

Ive ignored and pushed through pain for so long, i was put of touch with myself and lost. So far away. I can ground myself to an extent but i still feel pretty far from my body. Its like the snippets of being in touch are harder than when i had none - but i crave that inner calm.

 

Im probably not even making sense.

 

Through the worst of all this - the internet has been there for me - people like you guys. Friends on fb. No one in real life was. Im still kinda reeling from that. Thanks for taking time to reply to me.

 

 

Kathy yeah i had cooked bulk meals, we went on a roadtrip last weekend, but the freezer was left open. The bulk cooked meals were meat meals, and all defrosted. Do you have any ideas for veg meals to freeze? I rarely have prepacked dinners as the salt gives me cramps. I apprecoate your imput and hope i havent been a b****. Im not so good at this.

[KarenB]

Buffy, you're doing great.  You're not in an easy place right now.  Be gentle with yourself. 

 

Vegetarian lasagne?  With layers of pasta, a cheese sauce, a tomato sauce, and veges. 

Lentil patties. 

Home-made baked-beans (just omit the pork/bacon) are delicious.  You can make a big batch then freeze in small jars. 

If you want a really inspiring vegetarian recipe blog, see My Darling Lemon Thyme.  It's delicious!

 

Karen

x

[Buffy]

Thanks!

 

Im wondering now how much is withdrawal and how much is me just not able to cope in this city/world.

 

Christmas is fast approaching, i only just realised. The nightmares started in October. I dont have any pressing family plans. We might go camping, but otherwise its no pressies and no stress. Christmas day will be one year since psych hospital discharge. So i was still on heavy doses of lyrica and pollexia at discharge.

 

Ive probably scrambled my brain by dropping it all at the doctors recommended rate. At this point i feel like there is no reason to work so hard to get better to live in a world i utterly hate.

 

Ive given up a heap of times but i just keep breathing.

 

 

 

I want to officially report my side effects from zeldox specifically and my struggle now with fluvoxamine. Maybe someone will need it one day

[Buffy]

I am Not sure - is it time to taper?

 

Daily - agitation especially in the morning. Mania and disorganised thoughts/speech, motormouth, constant movement, approx 3 hrs sleep, nausea, decreased appitite, decreased pain, increased energy and mental energy, yet disprganised in the brainpan. Agressive and at times verbally abusive. Variety of physical panic type symptoms.

 

I have sudden panic attacks - could be the tinyest of triggers, i feel on edge and lose it hysterically crying often.

 

Acted on intrusive self harm thoughts approx 3 wks ago. Guilt. Scared to act on more.

 

50mg if fluvoxamine. I'd rather go slower than fast. How do i access a compound pharmacy?

 

The mania and panic is draining me fast. I need something to change.

 

I walk qigong garden pets tv discussion etc daily no job. So stressed over what?

[scallywag]

You might find information about a compounding pharmacy for your area in this topic:

Compounding pharmacies in the US, UK, and elsewhere.

 

I found one near me through a google search.

[Buffy]

I am looking to start tapering my 50mg fluvoxamine and have very manic symptoms around 12-16 hours after taking it until I take the next dose and sleep a bit.

Is this interdose withdrawal or a side effect of the dosage?

How would i spilt it from here? 25mg every 12 hours?

Edited December 23, 2016 by scallywag
moved

[scallywag]

I've moved your post/question from a topic in Tapering to your introduction topic so that all your information, questions and answers are in one place.

 

To answer your question, it would be helpful to see notes of your symptoms and doses for a few days. Please keep notes on paper of your symptoms and the times of your dose(s). This post has a useful format for a daily log:
Take notes of doses and symptoms

[Buffy]

Thanks scallywag. I am posting from my phone still but have forgotten my login to start posting from my computer - that would be easier for me to navigate on- i'll keep trying to figure that one out.

 

Im not sure if christmas stress or takin meds at the wrong time messed up my stomach so badly lately. I will keep a diary and wait for it to settle.