TNTD: Wellbutrin: cold turkey due to debilitating side effect

[scallywag]

tntd: symptoms and waves, sigh indeed!

 

It sounds as if your son is like most people -- he craves and needs social interaction.  Certainly therapy, such as DBT, or meditation would be more helpful to him in the long term than medicating social anxiety. Gosh, I wonder what's available in terms of treatment for someone serving in the Air Force. Is there anywhere he can see what's offered on his base?

[tntd]

Hi Scallywag,

 

A nice window about now would be good but I think I'm too close to the end of my cycle and things are getting a little intense. So far not as bad as last month though

 

I'm thinking the same thing you are about my son. I really wish I could just bring him home and help him work through it.

 

I think DBT would be great for him I just don't know if they offer it. I'm worried they are going to label him, medicate him, and then kick him out. He would lose most of the benefits of serving in the military if they do that. It would be considered failure to adapt. I'm so frustrated for him and I've read enough to be afraid for him too. I was reading Medication Madness and the things that people did on these meds is horrible. In addition the risk of withdrawal, as we all know, that is not something we want a loved one to have to endure.

 

I'm going to talk to him about seeing if he can cancel the psychiatric appointment and schedule one with his pscychologist to see if there are any groups that the Air Force offers.

 

Thanks for your concern and comments. I'll let you know what happens.

[tntd]

I'm still in a wave though it is still less than it was at this point last month. It's more up and down instead of being steady. Before I was in withdrawal this would happen at this point in my cycle too, just not to this extent. At least I am seeing improvement. That makes me happy even while I'm anxious 

 

I'm watching the documentary "The Marketing of Madness: The Truth About Psychotropic Drugs". Quite interesting. It does make me wonder though what can be done for people who really do have problems. Therapy I think is the best thing. That is what helped me be drug free for about 12 years. Not sure why all my coping skills did not help during the move though. If they had I wouldn't be in this pickle. There must be some middle ground to helping people who really do have problems without resorting to these dangerous medications. I have read about amino acids helping but they can have their drawbacks too, as can herbs. It's all just so frustrating and heartbreaking. 

 

Hugs to everyone

[downtongirl]

Hey T....where did you find the documentary?  Is it on netflix?  I would love to watch it and have my husband watch it.  Does it touch on withdrawal?

 

What i wish is that the FDA would make the pharma companies come out with medicines and treatment centers to help people wean off of and treat withdrawal symptoms like they have for alcohol, prescription pain medications, and illegal drugs.  I guess the reason they haven't done so is because they haven't found a drug to treat it like they have methadone for heroin withdrawal or either they make way to stinking much money on selling us this crap and don't want to hurt their profit.

[tntd]

HI Downtongirl,

 

Follow the money!! So much of the psych world is based on money for pharmaceutical comapnies and the dr's that work with them.

 

I found the documentary on YouTube.

is almost 3 hours long and I'm only half way through it. There has been mention of withdrawal but they haven't gone into it much as of yet. There are a lot of documentaries about Psych drugs on YouTube. Some Doctors have videos too, like Dr. Peter Breggin who is a psychiatrist. He has a lot of good info. Robert Whitaker also has some good videos. They both have written books about psych drugs and I know that in Dr Peter Breggin's book "Medication Madness" he has a section on withdrawal. I got it from my library. I'm reading Robert Whitaker's book "Anatomy of An Epidemic". I got it from my library too. I haven't gotten very far in it yet but the history at the begining is interesting. 

 

ChessiCat has a website with a lot of good books on it.  http://adwithdrawal.weebly.com/

 

It would be nice if we didn't have to go through all of this. One of my problems is that I just moved and I have become very isolated. I see a lot of things that I would like to do but I don't have the energy most of the time. Doing just small things exhausts me. I used to exercise daily and now I'm lucky if I get out for a walk. Low energy and agoraphobia. It's frustrating because I see that so many people during withdrawal can get out and do things and that is what I would love to do. I feel really trapped in the house. Fortunately it varies and I have days when I can get out and do things. 

 

I am in a wave and today has been pretty bad so far. I wanted to get out and do some things with my hubby but when I got up I didn't even want to open the curtains because it made me too anxious. Being on the computer and interacting with the wonerful people on SA has been helping.

 

I really hope the propanolol works for you Downtongirl. I'm glad your Dr put you on a low dose instead of a high dose. I recommend reading Altostrata's story if you haven't already. 

 

I hope today is better for you,  Hugs

[downtongirl]

Thanks T....where can I find Alostra's story?

[ChessieCat]

I've posted in your topic DG but will also post the links here:

 

Biography of Founder of Surviving Antidepressant Website, Alto Strata
 

Video:  Alto Strata's Paxil Prolonged Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome (8 minutes)

[tntd]

Thanks ChessieCat

[downtongirl]

Thanks ChesieCat...I appreciate it!

[tntd]

Ick. I feel horrible today. I'm so used to my symptoms being anxiety and agoraphobia that this change was unexpected today. I woke with the same anxiety but then I just started feeling sick, headache, fatigue, wandering pains (those are weird and annoying), exhaustion. I just want to go curl back up in bed, which I tried but I couldn't sleep even though I'm exhausted. 

 

I envy all the people on this site that can get out and do things. I know I'm not the only one who is mostly housebound but it is really hard because of the isolation. I am grateful for the people here that interact with me, it really helps me not feel so alone. 

 

This wave has been really long and though it didn't start out bad it has progressively gotten worse. I know this is a common way to feel but I feel like it is never going to end and I will never be able to get back out and do things. I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself today too,and scared. I keep telling myself it will get better but sometimes it is hard to believe.

[downtongirl]

Hello T....you are not alone....I feel pretty bad today after a decent yesterday.  I managed to get to church today but feel like I am in a complete fog almost fell asleep during the sermon....irritable....nausea....aches and pains.....etc.

 

Sorry you are not feeling well....I hope you feel better soon!

[tntd]

I actually woke up without anxiety this morning, and then I remembered that my husband was going on a business trip and thus began anxiety issues. I think I'm in a window and am only having anxiety and depression issues because my husband is gone for the next three to four days. His traveling always makes me anxious. It always has, even before withdrawal. 

 

One of my struggles with withdrawal is that I can't seem to exercise. I'm too anxious to most of the time and then I'm too tired when I don't feel anxious. I have been trying to take my dog for a walk every day but this weekend my wave got too bad and my poor furbaby had to suffer with me by not getting any walks. This moring I was feeling better though, so long as I don't think about my hubby, so she got her morning walk. Then I actually persuaded myself to do a little tiny bit of weight lifting. It felt good but was so sad. I used to curl 12lbs 15 curls for three reps. I used a three pound weight this morning and did I rep of 15. I did other muscles too but all at the lower level. My muscles were exhausted. It's a start though. I'm hoping I will be able to continue. 

 

I was feeling well enough that when I took my furbaby out to the backyard for a bathroom break I ended up doing some extensive weeding. I think I over did it. When I went inside I was shaking. My daughter recommended a coconut water and that helped a bit. Lots of nice electrolytes in there. I was too exhausted to cook though so she made dinner for us. She is now off to work and I am home alone. I'm not used to being alone so I am trying to keep myself distracted. Even though I'm feeling better being alone seems to bring up some feelings of "depression".

 

I'm hoping I didn't overwork myself today. Did I push to hard? It was all stuff around the house. I actually felt like I wanted to get out and go somewhere today but my with my daughter having to work I couldn't. It was nice to actually feel that way though. For the past two weeks I've mostly just wanted to hide in the house. Even so there were moments today when I wondered if this process will ever end. Knowing how a CT can last is kind of scary. On top of that I still have a long benzo taper in front of me. I so desperately want to stabilize so I can get on with that. Of course just being stable for awhile would be nice  I recently read WDnormal on Elbee's thread and I found it helpful as that is what happens when I am in my windows, even though I'm not tapering. I suppose there are similarities with CT and tapering in that way. In any case, all of it is hard.

 

Continued healing and hugs to all.

[wantrelief]

Hi tntd,

 

I read your thread and really relate to the problems you have had with getting out of the house.  I too have had this same problem - it is the worse feeling.  I just have this strong feeling of not wanting to go outside.  I have no idea what is causing it.  I am working right now and manage to push myself to go to work but outside of that, all I do pretty much is stay inside.  It is like my body just won't move.  I have only experienced this in withdrawal, am not normally like this at all.  It is really really hard.  Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone!  

 

Oh - and I totally relate to how you are feeling about a benzo taper too - I have that in my future as well.  At least you are off the ADs though - I am still stuck on that too!  

[downtongirl]

Woo Hoo T...you had a nice day!  I am very happy for you!  I too struggle with over doing things when I feel like doing something....I am not saying that you did over do it but I understand your wondering if you did...I usually second guess myself after a good day of activity too.

 

I'm  sorry your husband has to be gone....look at it like this...you have made it one day with out him that is one day less than you did yesterday!

 

I hope tomorrow is even better for you!

[tntd]

Hi Wantrelief,

 

Thanks for stopping by and sharing your story with me. It helps so much to know I'm not the only one who struggles with not being able to go outside. I don't know how you make it to work everyday. There are times when I have a dr's appointment and I just stare at the door and cry. Magnesium has been a big help in getting me through the door though!! I'm hoping I don't need it tomorrow.

 

Hi downtongirl,

 

Thanks for the cheers  I wish I felt as well today. Not sure if I physically over did it or if all the stress from my husband traveling finally got to me. He and I are best friends and I miss him terribly when he is not home, which of course adds to the stress. Especially in the evenings when I am all alone. 

 

Today has been really rough. I think I have cried almost all day long. I did manage to make myself take my dog for a walk this morning but it didn't change my level of anxiety at all. Then the mood swings happened and I ended up all emotional and crying and sad. I was doing ok and then my daughter had to leave for work. 

 

My sister texted me and she is going through withdrawal with hydrocodone. She wasn't sure but by the symptoms she gave me I know she is. I sent her an email with a bunch of info on withdrawal from opiates and PAWS. I'm hoping she doesn't need it but she has been on the meds for 10 years. She has severe Rheumatoid Arthritis.  So now I'm worried and stressed about her too. My hubby says I need to worry about myself only right now, but that is hard. I love my sister and I she has been through so much. She almost died a few years ago because of a bad reaction to an RA med. 

 

My husband is supposed to come home tomorrow. He isn't sure when he will get here but that is ok because I have dr's appointments tomorrow afternoon. First my DBT group and then my psychologist, so I won't be home until a bit later myself. My goes up every time I think about him traveling. It is a six hour drive. He travels a lot and I usually just try not to think about it but the long drives really get to me. I don't know what I would do without him. Hopefully I will never have to find out.

 

I called my mom tonight, it's her birthday tomorrow and I didn't know if I would be able to call her tomorrow or not. I'm going to make everyone mad now. My mom hops on and off these meds without any problems whatsoever. She decided to change drugs because she couldn't afford the one she was on (it suddenly went up to $600 after insurance). She popped right off of it and onto a different one with no problems. She asked me how I was doing and I told her I was still struggling with withdrawal and she said, "shouldn't you be done with that by now?"  Needless to say I wasn't too happy with her. Plus I was starting to cry again. Anyway, she is a biologist and I started explaining a few things to her and she got it really fast. Now she's is hoping that I don't have to go through it much longer. I still don't think she understands fully but it's better than her thinking I should be over it already. I don't think anyone who hasn't gone through it understands it fully. Our family who watch us maybe get it the most, except when they don't care (dg, so sorry).

 

It's no wonder I'm having a bad day. Stress much? I may take some extra magnesium tonight.

 

Hugs and healing, we all sure need it! 

[wantrelief]

I am so very sorry you had a rough day.  It is so understandable with your husband being away - even when feeling well that would throw anyone off.  Good for you for taking the dog out - you should be proud of this accomplishment!  

 

Truthfully I have no idea how I make it to work and I am wondering if I should be.  It is a very stressful job and I worry about making a mistake (it is in the medical field, ironically).  Everyday I think about quitting and might end up doing so but at the same time it provides me a distraction, something else to focus on.  I have a harder time at home because then I really have a chance to feel how sick I am and have the horrible feeling of not wanting to do anything.  Today I felt so sick I almost went home but I stuck it out and made it.  I think it is like your being able to go to a doctor's appointments and group - it is a responsibility so you go through with it.  I am having trouble doing things that I don't have to do.

 

I am so sorry about your sister.  I relate to this too as my sister (my twin!) is on AD medications too and a few years ago she tried to switch medication and ended going through horrific withdrawal. At the time I was in the middle of tapering Zoloft and the stress of knowing exactly what she was going through caused me to crash majorly.  That is when I started Klonopin and ended up switching to Celexa.  So I really understand your being worried and stressed about your sister.  She is so lucky to have you and your knowledge of withdrawal.  In the end after a lot of difficulties, my sister ended up going back onto her original medication and has been fine ever since (although I always worry about her (and my) future on these medications).  I wonder if there is more support out there for opioid withdrawal - it seems like there has been a lot of focus lately on that issue, unlike the lot of us stuck on psych meds.

 

I am sure your mother appreciated your call today, it doesn't matter if it wasn't her actual birthday day - you were so thoughtful to do that. I  am amazed with how some people are so lucky with going off and on medications, cold turkeying (sp?) and switching without a problem.  I guess that is why doctors don't get us when we have such difficulties as there actually are people out there who don't have these issues.  

 

I am so glad your husband will be home tomorrow - that will be such a relief for you.

 

Hope the magnesium helps you get some good sleep tonight.  

[Mjau]

Hi tntd, thank you for stopping by on my thread! I read you've had a stressful day. Healing thoughts to you and hope you're finding relief!

[tntd]

Thanks wantrelief,

 

I sometimes wonder if I would do better if I did have a job or something that I was required to do. I'm not sure though because some people do worse when they have to push things. It's hard to know which is better. I'm glad you have been able to work and find it helpful in keeping you distracted. 

 

Hi Mjau,

 

Thank you for your healing thoughts. I sure need them.

 

 

I seemed to sleep well last night but when the anxiety started around 6:30 this morning it wouldn't stop and just kept amping up. I think all the stressors from yesterday and then my husband is driving home today are contributing. I just want to find a way to hide. I also have dr's appointments today that I just want to cancel because I'm so anxious and crying. It's like the terror days I remember being described on a thread here. I think Petunia talked about it.

 

I did manage to take my dog for a walk. She has been fussing at me though because I'm crying and she doesn't like it. Unfortunately her whining at me makes me even more anxious. I love her so much though and it is usually such a comfort to have her around. She slept with me the last two nights while my husband was gone. It helps.

 

I still have to get in the shower which I have a hard time doing when I'm super anxious. I will make myself go. I am planning on filling a thermos with magnesium water to help me get through it. Though the magnesium water I had this morning didn't seem to help as much as it usually does. I have also been trying to relax and accept, breath....nothing seems to be helping though. Sometimes I wonder if sometimes the neuro-emotion can be so bad that we just have to wait it out because nothing else works. So not enjoying this today  . I just have to get through it and hope that tomorrow will be better. 

 

Hugs and healing

[downtongirl]

Hello T!  So glad your husband is coming home that will make you feel better.  Good for you for taking the dog for a walk.

 

Couple of questions for you....

 

1.  Do you think your symptoms are any better than at the beginning of June?

 

2.  Does your L-Theanine help?

[downtongirl]

Hey T.....how are you today?  Did your husband make it home?  Been thinking about you!

[tntd]

Hi downtongirl,

 

My husband did make it home safe and sound. Thanks for asking.

 

In response to your questions, up until my husband went on his trip I would have said that my symptoms had steadily been improving. Even my waves hadn't been as bad and I could see the difference.

 

I konw when I first started taking the L-theanine it did help. I've been taking it so long now that it is just part of what I do. I do think it is still helping though.

 

 

 

Unfortunately I'm not doing any better today. I'm still having waves of intense anxiety and now it's trading places periodically with depression. Lots of wishing I would just die going on along with waves of crying. I'm not sure if his traveling made things worse, because they are a lot worse than they have been in over a month, or if I did too much on Monday. Maybe it's a combo. I also experienced derealization for the first time. Not fun, especially when you're driving down the highway. My psychologist said that disassociation is common if you've had extreme anxiety. I'm still experiencing the derealization off and on today. I'm also finding it hard to keep myself distracted. I just want to curl up and make it all go away. 

 

I didn't feel like my psychologist was much help yesterday. He wants me to create a safe space at home where I can go when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I told him I already have that. He thinks that my own anxiety is contributing to the withdrawal anxiety and that my original anxiety is basically back and that is why I'm having so much trouble. I don't agree with him but at the time we were talking I hadn't come to that conclusion yet. 

 

Does anyone know if there are times that there is nothing we can do but endure the neuro-emotions? None of the coping skills are working. 

[tntd]

Had another really bad day. Woke up to anxiety surges along with increasing anxiety and a huge thunderstorm. The storm lasted most of the morning so the furbaby and I didn't get to go for our walk. When the rain finally stopped I was too anxious to leave the house. I did manage to take her out to the bathroom but I couldn't stay out for long before feeling overwhelmed and needing to go back into the sanctuary of my house. 

 

My daughter was home today and she found some comedy clips to share with me. It's hard to feel anxious when you are laughing. It's too bad it doesn't make the anxiety stay away but it was nice to have the break. She had a migraine from the storms so we just hung out and watched TV and tried to keep me distracted. 

 

I said to her last night, "I bet watching me go through this makes you never want to take a psychotropic drug", and she said, "that's for sure". This is a good thing because they often try to use these drugs to help people who have chronic migraines. 

 

I know I mentioned that my psychologist thinks my anxiety is causing a lot of this and I said no but I have to say during the day today when my anxiety was at the terror level I did start to wonder, "what if my anxiety has come back and I'm not even in withdrawal anymore". I have to admit that thought really scares me. The thing is I do have coping skills and I was off medication for 12 years and I dealt with the anxiety when I would have it, which wasn't very often. I don't ever recall having anxiety every day all day long even before medications.

 

Is there anyone who was diagnosed with anxiety that had it all day everyday before meds or is this just a drug injury that is causing this to be all day everyday? It's exhausting. Am I causing this anxiety myself now because of the trauma of the withdrawal?

[ChessieCat]

Is there anything you may be eating or drinking that might be a contributing factor?  Do you drink alcohol or caffeine?  Some people can have issues with artificial sweeteners.  Or too much sugar intake?

[downtongirl]

Hello T....I have had anxiety disorder with occasional panic attacks since I was six....to say that I was always in a constant 24/7/365 state of panic would not be accurate but I was anxious about something or worried about something every day since I was six.  Do you think you have reached tolerance to your klonopin?

[wantrelief]

Hi tntd,

 

I don't think what you are feeling is your original anxiety.  For me anything I had before meds is way worse with withdrawal.  

 

i was never diagnosed with an anxiety disorder but I feel like ADs caused me to have an anxiety disorder.  I have felt levels of anxiety when trying to come off of these meds. that I never knew existed and it will be there all day, everyday, just like you are describing.  I think doctors and therapists just don't get it and think it is "your disorder" as that is how they are trained.

 

I really hope tomorrow is a better day for you!

[tntd]

Thanks for the wonderful responses CC, D, and wantrelief,

 

I tend to eat a really clean diet. I have been eating a paleo diet for years now and it helped decrease my leveles of anxiety even before we considered moving. I haven't had any alcohol since I went CT and I only have "bullet proof" decafe coffee on rare occasion. Then I take and extra l-theanine to help deal with the small amount of caffeine in it. The only thing I can think of is a small increase in the amount of carbohydrates I've been eating. I've periodically done it before without ill effect though. As for artificial sweeteners they all made me sick when I tried them many years ago so I have stayed away from them for years now. My sweetener of choice is stevia and I don't use it that often. 

 

I've been wondering if I have reached tolerance on my klonipin. My pdoc said we wouldn't be able to tell if I reach tolerance because it would be the same symptoms as the CT withdrawal I'm going through.   Not sure what I would do if I am in tolerance. D I can't imagine having anxiety for pretty much all your life. I was able to go through a CBT course and get off all meds for about 12 years. Then we moved and my anxiety/panic came back full force. Back on meds I went. Then depression hit after we moved so more meds for that. All meds I had been previously exposed to so I probably had some limbic kindling going on and now I'm trapped in this state.

 

For me the anxiety it far worse than anything I experienced prior to meds, except for panic. I had rolling panic attacks and would go from one to the next for days. Fortunately I haven't had that in withdrawal but my anxiety is so high that I feel like I just can't stand it. It's like it's right on the edge of a panic attack all the time. I was taking the magnesium but then I got depressed so I quit and the depression has lessened but the anxiety is back to the full force. I do the breathing and try acceptance but as soon as I stop focusing on that the anxiety slams back into place. 

 

Today hasn't been quite as bad. I've had a headache most of the day though. Anxiety has been off and on all day along with depression and a crying spell or two. Still waking up with anxiety surges to start the day. The surges in turn turn into full blown anxiety and that goes on for awhile. I actually had some moments today when I wasn't anxious and I wasn't quite sure what to do or think, almost like I didn't know how to feel or act without some sort of intense emotion going on.

 

We have had a few days of storms. I'm wondering if that may have something to do with the increased symptoms. This is the longest wave that I have had. I had been in a pattern of having a window every two weeks. I'm in my third week of this wave now. I was hoping things would go the other way and my windows would get longer, not my waves. Is this something that happens though, waves increasing for no apparent reason?

 

Hugs and healing

[tntd]

Having another bad day. Anxiety surges on waking that turned into full blown terror. I made myself go for a walk with my hubby and furbaby but it didn't help much. I did use Changing the Channel and that worked so long as I was able to concentrate on the new channel but then the anxiety would come slamming back if I stopped thinking about the leaves, or puppies, or whatever. It would be nice if it was a longer lasting fix but I'm grateful it helped even for a short time. 

 

I had more derealization today and my cognition is in the dumps. I can't seem to remember what I'm doing half the time or more. Chest pains have returned and so has the fatigue. It seems weird to be so anxious and so tired at the same time. Makes it pretty much impossible to take a nap though that sounds lovely and like a great escape from everything.

 

It's so frustrating knowing that less than a year ago I was so efficient and on top of things and now I can barely keep myself clean let alone take care of my family. It's a good thing my kids are grown. I don't know how people with little kids get through this. Your strength inspires me.

 

I was wondering if a food reaction causes increased withdrawal symptoms how quickly would it occur and  how long would it last?

[downtongirl]

Hello T...I have been wondering the same thing....I don't know if it is so much of a particular food item for me as I think it is eating in general that tends to set off withdrawal symptoms for me....I tend to have more symptoms after my lunch time meal so it seems when I have just a small lunch like a banana I do better but I can't understand why?

[tntd]

Hi D,

 

That is strange. Do you normally have the same thing for lunch everyday? I know our gastrointestinal systems can get pretty messed up in withdrawal and I have read on some posts that some people have specific things they have found that make their symptoms worse. I have problems with my system too and I can never figure out what has caused it. Except when I have to much magnesium

 

I've been working with Wellness on the benzo forum and she is wondering if I've reached tolerance too. Either that or something else is going on. I don't know if CT makes things less predictable. I suppose it could be nothing more than an extra long healing wave. I'm having a really tough time of it though. 

 

I have an appointment with my pdoc on Wed. I hope to enter a window before then but if I don't I will definitely be talking to him about the possibility of tolerance. I'm just afraid he is going to tell me to just increase the dose. He really doesn't see why I want to go off of the benzos. He also didn't understand why the other doctor wanted to take me off the benzo. If it were up to him I would currently be taking at least 2mg of clonazepam. I don't want to think of how long a taper from that would be. Anyway, I have no idea what he will want to do if he thinks I've reached tolerance. He does listen to what I want though so I'm hoping to get some good info and suggestions from this forum. 

 

I'm thinking about you, hugs

[downtongirl]

Does your doctor believe in antidepressant discontinuation syndrome?

[downtongirl]

T....how does magnesium affect your stomach?  I increased my magnesium yesterday and today...wonder if that is a factor in my symptoms today.

[tntd]

My doctor does believe in anti-depressant discontinuation so I am lucky. He has never seen anyone have it like I do. Of course he may have seen it and just thought it was a relapse for that person and if they weren't as informed as I am.... anyway, he doesn't want to give me anything else because he says my CNS is too sensitive right now. He didn't know anything about low doses of lactimal and Altostrata said a Dr needs to be really knowledgeable about that to give that a go so I didn't push that.

 

As for the magnesium I can get stomach pains, gas, and diarrhea from it if I take to much. Also I can get a really dry mouth. I take a lot of magnesium though and I have for years. It has only been the Natural calm that I put in my water that has given me problems, that I know of anyway. I know that this site recommends going really slow when introducing or increasing anything so you don't end up with worse withdrawal symptoms. Magnesium can also cause me to get depressed so I have to be really careful with it. 

[tntd]

Today has been another rough day. I thought I might be going into a window at first but it didn't end up appearing. 

 

I woke up with the usual adrenaline surge and increasing anxiety. I was able to take my furbaby for a walk this morning. It was cool out and that was nice. I'm not sure what happened because it was at this point that for just a few minutes maybe half an hour I felt less anxiety but it returned in full force. It did reduce a little after I took my clonazepam but I was also on the computer and that always distracts me from the anxiety so it may have been mostly from the distraction. 

 

My daughter and I watched a bit of TV together and that was nice. Then she had to get ready for work, but my husband came home early and sat with me while I shared some information about withdrawal with him. He has been so supportive. He went upstairs and made dinner because I just couldn't make myself leave the distraction. We had dinner and my anxiety started to increase again so I'm back in front of the computer again. 

 

I'm really getting frustrated. I used to get a reprieve from my withdrawal symptoms in the evening but I haven't had that luxury this week. The only reprieve I get is when I am distracting myself with something else. I couldn't even make myself go for a walk with my husband this evening. Of course after he left I felt like I should have made myself go. I did that yesterday though and it was not a good experience. I was so anxious the whole time that I couldn't wait to get home. 

 

I guess I should be glad that at least I can sleep. I know there are others here that get no relief from symptoms at any time. I really feel for them. It's horrible that any of us should have to go through this. 

 

I am sending thoughts of health and healing and warm hugs to all in need.  

[tntd]

I seem to be experiencing a lesson of the intense symptoms of my wave. It doesn't feel as good as my previous windows but it is better than the intense wave I was experiencing. I'm still waking from sleep with adrenaline surges and anxiety. Even in my windows I don't seem to get a break from those. 

 

I didn't sleep well last night so I'm really tired today. Doesn't make me want to do much of anything. I wish I could take a nap but I haven't been successful at that since I started my withdrawal. As soon as I doze I get an adrenaline surge and I'd rather avoid those. 

 

Despite my anxiety I have the hardest time staying away from shows that I have always liked. Mystery, action, adventure. I hope I am not doing any damage to my CNS by watching them. Does anyone else have this problem?

 

I have another question. I am supposed to have a Levulan PDT Treatment done on my face for precancerous lesions. It is scheduled for Sept 12 and I'm really nervous about it. It is supposed to be moderately painful and they use a medication that they leave on for about two hours and then they apply blu light for about 17 minutes. I'm just worried it is going to cause a flare up of withdrawal symptoms. I've been debating canceling the appointment, I scheduled it back in May before I CT'd my med, but it's not like the lesions will just go away on their own. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

[wantrelief]

I am so glad you are experiencing a lessening of your symptoms today - less is good!

 

I haven't been able to watch much TV (I can't seem to concentrate for long on it which is not like me at all) but in past withdrawal experiences I have watched shows I would normally like that are more of an intense nature and I don't think it affected me.  I have read others say they couldn't watch shows they used to watch. So if you are able to and it isn't bothering you while you are watching them then I would do it - anything you can use to distract is helpful.

 

I don't know anything about the procedure you need to have but I am wondering if you should do it as it sounds important to take care of the precancerous cells.  It might even be a relief to have it done as you know you are taking care of yourself, if that makes any sense.

 

I am glad you had some relief of symptoms today, tntd.  I'll be thinking about you!

[tntd]

Hi Wantrelief,

 

A lessoning of symptoms is always nice. Thanks for your response about the tv shows and movies. I have some days when I can watch them and others when it makes me more anxious so I can't.

 

I hope your are finding some relief today. I know you have been having a really rough time of it too. I know I have to tell myself over and over that I can do this. If it weren't for this forum and other methods of distraction it would be so much harder. We will get better.

 

Hugs and healing