AnaTheCat Posted October 11, 2017 Author Share Posted October 11, 2017 Ok, it's been a while. I live, and that's about it. I'm tired of being sorry about myself. So, before I abandon this topic, let me state a few things. I hate my mom and I love her at the same time. She's the worst and also, at the same time, the best I have in my life. The one, that will never leave me, no matter if I want it or if I hate it. As long as she lives. I realized I've become a person I never wanted to be. This is pretty much about my job and skills. How did it happened...? I've became bored with life so much, that I've felt like having mental breakdown is better. More interesting. I don't expect much from life, from anything. I've buried most of my dreams. And so, I think I'leave this topic for a while. I'm tired of thinking about myself. I don't want much with life. I want it leave me alone. Medical history: 2005 - 2006 – diagnosis: OCD. Meds: sertraline (Setaloft), from 30 mg to 120 mg. Side effects: insomnia, anorexia (psychic inabillity to eat), obesity; some sleep medication (don't remember the name), side effects: halucination. 2007 – sertraline withdrawal by myself. Reducing the dose slowly (120 mg – 90 mg – 60 mg – 30 mg – 0 mg). Felt great for about a year. 2008 – diazepam, taking ocasionally if needed. 2010 – paroxetine (Seroxat, then: Parogen) for OCD. From 20 mg to 40 mg. Side effects: none. Piracetamum (Memotropil), side effects: general weakness. Withdrawal of piracetamum: after two years (none withdrawal syndrome). 2016 – attempt to withdraw paroxetine. Severe depression after month and a half. Insomnia, nervousness, loss of weight. Suicide thoughts. Returning to paroxetine in march. From 10 mg to 20 mg. Side effects: sudden suicide thoughts, serotonine syndrome, panic attacks. Other meds: Clonazepam 0,5 mg for three days (benzodiazepam), side effects: none; Alprazolamum (Xanax): from 0,25 mg to 0,5 mg; side effects: obstruction, acne, period stoppage. Withdraw after a month, side effects: one-day lasting histeria; Trazodonum (Trittico CR): from 75 mg to 25 mg. Side effects: somnolance. 2016, June – dropping the dose of paroxetine from 40 mg to 30 mg. Side effects: mood swings. Withdrawing Trazodonum from 25 mg to 0 mg. Side effects: wide mood swings and fretfulness for about a week; too rapid, don't recommend. Went back to 25 mg of trazodone and 40 mg of paroxetine. 2016, July - dropped trazodone by 10 %, went back to 25 mg after two weeks (cause: depresion). 2016, October - 10% paroxetine drop, leaving trazodone at 25 mg. 2016, November - second 10% paroxetine drop. 2017, October - 25 mg of paroxetine, 25 mg of trazodone. Boredom. Tired. No hope, no joy. For now. Suplements: vitamins – C (600 mg), D3 (4500 IU), K2 (6400 IU), B15 (50 mg); hawaiian spirulina; fish collagen; fish oil (1 spoon); probiotic; magnesium (50 mg), selenium (200 mcg); flaxseed (1-2 spoons/day); minced milk thistle (1 spoon/day). Diet: mostly vegan, gluten-free due to doctor's advice. Drinks: water, green tea, cistus incantus. Books I recommend: Your Body Many Cries for Water by Fereydoon Batmanghelidj; Hidden Therapies by Jerzy Zięba; Deadly Medicine and Organized Denial by Peter C. Gøtzsche; The Microbiom Solution by Robynne Chutkan; Urban Shaman and Mastering Your Hidden Self by Serge Kahili King. Link to comment
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