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Machinehead: Should I go back?


Machinehead

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Machinehead, thanks for clarifying that your symptoms haven't worsened since reinstating, just that they haven't improved as much as you'd expected.

 

Writing a daily record of doses and symptoms:

 

 

 

I didn't realize I was going through withdrawal/reinstatement cycles while skipping doses (as recommended by my doctor) in March and April until I started tracking my doses on a calendar.

Keeping a record of doses, symptoms and times over several days will help you see patterns and help us to see what is happening throughout the day for you.

Yes Scallywag, thank you I'll start with a journal.

 

As of today, day 10, I've felt quite well. It's really hard to not think about getting worse or having another attack so the anticipatory anxiety is there to some degree. I've also felt some pain in my jaw (which has been better).

I try to stay active in order not to think so much so I cycled 40 kms today.

 

I also heightened the dose to 5mg. I need to be my "February-self". 5mgs was My last working dose and it's half of the recommended starting dose lexapro. If this works I'll just be happy I need this little to function.

Benzo (Iktorivil; 2mg): 1999-2012 Last dose: 0,1mg January 2012

SSRI (Escitalopram; 10mg): 2002-2016 Stopped 2,5mg February 2016 - Back to 5mg in July 2016.

 

"...You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs—Victory in spite of all terror—Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival." - Churchill

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Glad you are improving...hope things continue to get better!

1995 - 2015 antidepressants and antianxiety medicine
Multiple failed attempts to quit/taper anti d/anti anxiety meds since 2008

June 17, 2016 began prozac bridge to get off of effexor xr, stopped effexor xr on June 24, 2016, could not tolerate prozac due to severe side effects so I had to stop it  Currently...300 mg ER of lithium, 1 mg of estradiol, 60 mg propranolol ER, Fish oil 2 x a day, Magnesium Glycinate,  zinc, vitamin c, vitamin d, NAC

 

 

 

 

 

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good for you mh. now hold and dont bother yourself with worrying over whether or not it was the right call. there is no right or wrong call, only what works for you. i truly believe you will find peace in the simple act of making informed decisions and sticking to them. to be in limbo agonizing over what to do next is hell and only serves to prolong our suffering. 

 

now you can focus your energy on more important issues like healing and the future and enjoying spain.

38 year old male

50mg sertraline for seasonal affective in spring of '13 through spring of '16

began uninformed taper mid march '16 ending 6 weeks later around may 1st

withdrawal symptoms began july 4th '16

reinstatement of sertraline at 25mg on july 7th '16

august '16 - present: many setbacks even more victories

currently holding at 25mg and ill hold there forever if I have to

looking forward to the day I can begin tapering

 

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I also heightened the dose to 5mg. I need to be my "February-self". 5mgs was My last working dose and it's half of the recommended starting dose lexapro. If this works I'll just be happy I need this little to function.

Glad you're feeling better today. Please add this change to your signature.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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Thanks everyone, you are the best and deserve the best.

 

Signature changed

 

Just wanted to add something: It's my opinion that an unstable person is unable to make stable decisions. Please thrive for stability no matter the cost and then, and only then begin your journey to wherever...

Benzo (Iktorivil; 2mg): 1999-2012 Last dose: 0,1mg January 2012

SSRI (Escitalopram; 10mg): 2002-2016 Stopped 2,5mg February 2016 - Back to 5mg in July 2016.

 

"...You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs—Victory in spite of all terror—Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival." - Churchill

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REPOST from Swede in English (Google Translate, not the best, but the gist) from http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12565-machinehead-should-i-go-back/page-2#entry236990:

 

 

 

I have read your thread and recognize me in a lot of what you go through.

 

 It took over 5 years to figure out that it was the antidepressants that caused my problems on in November 2014, I started putting out Cipralexen in what I thought va a slow pace. Va without tablets in March 2015. I am on my 17th month without Cipralex and it is a brutal, merciless journey with totally incomprehensible symptoms.

 

During those seven years, I have not found a doctor who understands this release problem in any plan. General Psych doctors are probably the worst of them comes either escalation or change of preparations, pointing out that it is most likely the antidepressants that messed **** is often useless when they are not listening to their ignorance.

 

Some symptoms have disappeared, others have been added. Some symptoms "mutated" other symptoms increase in intensity while the other decreases. For me it's always the same, if something horrible **** symptoms to go away, take any other symptoms of which are at least as tough, and it's always the symptoms that are the focus for the moment is the most obnoxious.

 

It pointed out again and again on this forum is that time is our best (only) friend, I live one day at a time, sometimes one hour, one minute at a time.

 

Do you have any questions for me, so do not hesitate, I-American has some tips that may help.

 

Prefer to write in Swedish when I can not express myself exactly as I want in English! Take care!

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Machinehead's response, from  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12565-machinehead-should-i-go-back/page-2#entry236992:

 

 

 

Hello and thank you so much for your post! It's been just exactly as you describe for me. The only thing that separates us is probably the conviction that people on this side vs doctor has the right / wrong. I think no one / two right.

 

I am now, after living 17 years with the tablets, managed to get rid of benzo (after 13 years!) And now the last five months living in hell convinced that things are not black and white. SSRIs have helped me more than hurt me despite abstinence and the aftermath. I think there's a reason that we started taking these medications and the reason is not "cured" by SSRIs like insulin does not cure diabetes. I believe the reason for our problems will again take effect when the preparation has left the body, which is scientifically proven occur after a few weeks, if that.

 

I do not think we should kid ourselves. If you felt better with your medicine you should take it. Refusal to do it is just a symptom of not thinking logically.

 

The brain is difficult to recover after SSRI? Obviously .... but what it recovers to? ... Well ... recovering to your self without pills.

 

I know that I will work again only after 2 days with only 2.5 mg. I'm not going to start thinking broken me about what, who, how. I have a life to live ... and is not immortal. I'm not going to go around and blame my illness on a medication when I remember how I felt when I started.

 

Again thank you for your words and continued happiness. I wish to find a way in which you suffer as little as possible. Life is so full of pain, in which case !!! !

 

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Swede replied to Machinehead, here  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12565-machinehead-should-i-go-back/page-2#entry237060:

 

 

 

The fact is that for some work preparations are just as they should be and not collect or release is someone greater ordeal , two of my sisters have tested and have come away very lightly while I hit hard . All people 's different and I can only speak for myself but I had never needed these drugs , they helped me not one iota against OCD . OCD : n has become much better in this chaos and this after I stopped taking SSRIs , very strange. For some people it 's the drugs just a crutch to cope grab and work with their problems. There should be rigorous testing that determines if you can tolerate them or not. None of these preparations should get launched but a kind of antidote .... Wishful thinking , I know .
 
Happy that you feel relief sometimes I wish I could go back in time and step out crap for much longer .
 
Take care !

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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Hey Machinehead - 

 

Even if you stay on the 5 mg Lex indefinitely - you are better off than you were before, right?

 

I strongly agree with Oops:

good for you mh. now hold and dont bother yourself with worrying over whether or not it was the right call. there is no right or wrong call, only what works for you. i truly believe you will find peace in the simple act of making informed decisions and sticking to them. to be in limbo agonizing over what to do next is hell and only serves to prolong our suffering. 

 

now you can focus your energy on more important issues like healing and the future and enjoying spain.

 
Just hold, hold and when you've been well for about a month, hold another month before making your next move.  In the meantime, you can plan what you want to do next, and practice.  
 
If you taper more, are you going to go to a liquid?  Practice making the liquid.  When moving to liquid, it is recommended that you move to the liquid in the same dose and stabilize again.  Some people even start with half tablet, half liquid, to get used to the difference.  (there is a difference).  
 
Additionally, be aware that different brands of drugs can affect you differently.  Different generics, brand-to-generic - all of these are potentially destabilising, and I cannot agree with you more when you say:

 It's my opinion that an unstable person is unable to make stable decisions. Please thrive for stability no matter the cost and then, and only then begin your journey to wherever... 

 

It gets better from there!

"Easy, easy - just go easy and you'll finish." - Hawaiian Kapuna

 

Holding is hard work, holding is a blessing. Give your brain time to heal before you try again.

 

My suggestions are not medical advice, you are in charge of your own medical choices.

 

A lifetime of being prescribed antidepressants that caused problems (30 years in total). At age 35 flipped to "bipolar," but was not diagnosed for 5 years. Started my journey in Midwest United States. Crossed the Pacific for love and hope; currently living in Australia.   CT Seroquel 25 mg some time in 2013.   Tapered Reboxetine 4 mg Oct 2013 to Sept 2014 = GONE (3 years on Reboxetine).     Tapered Lithium 900 to 475 MG (alternating with the SNRI) Jan 2014 - Nov 2014, tapered Lithium 475 mg Jan 2015 -  Feb 2016 = GONE (10 years  on Lithium).  Many mistakes in dry cutting dosages were made.


The tedious thread (my intro):  JanCarol ☼ Reboxetine first, then Lithium

The happy thread (my success story):  JanCarol - Undiagnosed  Off all bipolar drugs

My own blog:  https://shamanexplorations.com/shamans-blog/

 

 

I have been psych drug FREE since 1 Feb 2016!

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  • 2 months later...

Hi machinehead, 

I really appreciated reading through your posts and all of the responses and advice from the Surviving community ( I'll skip using the unfortunate SADacronym.)  I've been off prozac for 5 months and having difficulties and am considering reinstatement.  I struggle with the some of the 

same issues you went through... the question of whether the symptoms are me or from the withdrawal.  the confusion and frustration over medical advice conflicting with grassroots knowledge of WD, and the feelings that arise at the thought of going back on a drug we have suffered so much going off.

 

How are you doing these days?    

1994-2009 Various SSRIs: Celexa. Then Celexa and Wellbutrin, Then Lexapro

and Welburtin,  Then Zoloft, Followed by Effexor.  I got off the Drug Merry-Go-Round in 2009 without much awareness of what I was doing.  I was in a fog of side effects and depression and just wanted to know what symptoms were really mine.   

2009-2013 off SSRIs, using exercise and nutrition to combat depression. 

Summer 2013-Spring 2016: Started Prozac to 60 mg, Valium 5mg as needed.

Early 2016: Experienced Prozac Poopout - Tapered off Prozac over the course of one month.

April 2016:  Off Prozac completely.  After a few months panic attacks started increasing.  I unwittingly began taking more valium to medicate the anxiety and panic. 

August 2016: Valium (as needed) not helping much.  I reached 20mg/day and still anxious all the time, then read up on longterm benzo use and habituation. I started tapering the valium. I know I probably tapered too fast, dropping 5 mg a week.  And then alternating days the last week. 

September 2016 Off Valium.  Chronic Insomnia.  Sept 15 Given Scrip for 50 mg Trazodone For Sleep but wary.  Traz not working. 

October 1 2016:  reinstated 1 mg of prozac . October 7 went up to 2mg prozac

Current Meds:  2 mg Prozac in solution.  Trazodone 50 mg.  Supplements:  Fish Oil, B-12, Tumeric, Magnesium

 

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  • 3 years later...
  • Administrator

@Machinehead, how are you doing?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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11 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

@Machinehead, how are you doing?

Hi there! Just fine thanks.
 

I went back to 5mg lexapro in 2016. It works like a bandage for my stress sensibility. I just went up to 10mg (week ago) again after realizing it never were the pills in the first place. 
I’ve  always been very sensitive and prone to strong stress reactions. The pill just dampens some of the  effects. “Whithdtawal” was just me feeling who I am without the dampener. 
i could live that way but not with all the stressors I constantly put myself through every day. 
We should not fool ourselves into believing the issue always is “somewhere else”. Society, pills, parents, partners, work...I’m a strong believer of responsibility and assume my organic weakness full heartedly. 
 

I wish everyone in here the best in your struggles.

Benzo (Iktorivil; 2mg): 1999-2012 Last dose: 0,1mg January 2012

SSRI (Escitalopram; 10mg): 2002-2016 Stopped 2,5mg February 2016 - Back to 5mg in July 2016.

 

"...You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs—Victory in spite of all terror—Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival." - Churchill

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Good to hear you're doing better.

 

On 7/9/2016 at 11:07 AM, Machinehead said:

...but sadly now some weeks ago, in my 5th month things are getting quite nasty. Symptoms are coming back, specially strong anxiety, panic attacks (not every day), nightmares, mood swings and specially muscle ache (jaw and back).

 

These pretty clearly were withdrawal symptoms. When did they go away?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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10 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

Good to hear you're doing better.

 

 

These pretty clearly were withdrawal symptoms. When did they go away?

 

I wouldn’t be that sure at all. I’m certain I burned out and those were stress, anxiety and depression symptoms.
No bandage+stressing as always=burn out. 

As mentioned; we should be careful finding culprits outside of ourselves.

Of course believers of AD as the ultimate evil always will see it as the main problem. As Christians see Satan and communists see capitalists.
A sick diabetic would probably not blame the insulin shot for his “withdrawal reaction”...I simply don’t buy that narrative. 

Benzo (Iktorivil; 2mg): 1999-2012 Last dose: 0,1mg January 2012

SSRI (Escitalopram; 10mg): 2002-2016 Stopped 2,5mg February 2016 - Back to 5mg in July 2016.

 

"...You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs—Victory in spite of all terror—Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival." - Churchill

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  • Administrator

Well, you know yourself best. Good to hear you're stable.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

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