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GiaK Radical, Transformative Healing of Body/Mind/Spirit

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GiaK

Expertly guided by the genius of my DNA

 

first posted on Beyond Meds: https://beyondmeds.com/2017/03/12/expertly-guided/

 

Healing is, among other things, a process of creating new mitochondria and new neural pathways. The body is transformed. I’ve never been here before — expertly guided by the genius of my DNA.

 

Healing in part for me is a deep acknowledgement and acceptance of my animal nature. I am interdependent with all of life just like any other creature on this earth. This understanding when taken in deeply and profoundly is as painful as it is liberating and therefore joyful too.

 

Homeostasis is not possible when one is on a radically healing path…healing is, by necessity, constant change.

 

Courageously move forward and into every feeling you ever were unable to feel due to oppressive circumstances. Feel them, let go and be free. Our nervous systems have recorded each and every instance of repression and denial. We have a store of tension from our ancestors as well. This store of repressed emotions, denial, violence etc is stored in our DNA. It is our “karma” …to be transmuted in this lifetime. Following its indications is intuition.

 

More reading:

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manymoretodays

Wow GiaK...........great post and writing and I agree!!

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GiaK

new post for this thread: first posted here: https://beyondmeds.com/2017/04/20/animates-life/

 

an email I sent to a friend I decided to share here as well:
 

Seems my thoughts as they’ve pertained to my healing process have been essentially planted by life-force so that I would achieve through my responses to my somatic experience, what was needed to heal the whacked out nervous system, gut, and immune systems etc. Never has it mattered if anything was clinically true or not…what mattered was that the narrative made sense to my ego so that I would follow directions and ultimately heal. 
 

Given the nature of this healing trip which has required insane amounts of blind faith and multiple near death experiences (I don’t generally talk about that because it’s too hard to believe for most people) it was the only way that an intelligent life-force (DNA instincts of some sort perhaps) could guide me to well-being.
 

It’s still a difficult process for the animal/ego bits that remain.
 

Intuition is always guided with lots of data collection of many different kinds. It does not happen in a vacuum. We need one another in a myriad number of ways, but it’s not always in the ways that convention dictate. For me it’s rarely in the ways that convention dictate.
 

Mystery prevails.
 

***

More related posts:
 

Seems a good time to share my latest video again as well since it really speaks to this idea as well.

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AwareButStruggling

Hi GiaK, 

 

I find your experiences completely and utterly believable. I think all those cascades of intrusive flashbacks have some sort of purpose. It's my understanding that some people may want to deal with them as chemical reactions and cascades, but, to me, it seems that there's some cryptic logic behind those memories that is something that begs to be addressed and worked with. Like many people who have gone through difficult, depressive phases, this depression is a teacher of sorts. In my early 20's I stumbled upon Stephen Levine's  "A Gradual awakening", and it was like a Bible of sorts to me. I am now fully aware how what we call depression/anxiety disorders really take root in an unhealed trama, and the inability to find someone to open up about it when it happened. And some of those initial wounds are so different from one person to another that I feel that the types of psych meds or even the order of psych meds many people end up on can be an indicator of manifestation of that trauma. It's something I've been thinking about over the last few days as the ativan dosage slowly drops and I keep remembering more and more of my life. Like Styron said in his interview with Charlie Rose. "You don't dredge these up. They pop up"  :)

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GiaK

Hi AwareButStruggling,

 

this is totally an awakening process for me, yes. you got it. Every bit of it can be put to good use and  s h i t, given what an ugly experience it is, it's the silver lining of sorts. I would never recommend this path to anyone in any case and continue to advocate for gentler means...(of course that goes without saying   ;)

 

all this heinous physical stuff has correlates in the psyche I've found. the drugs engrave those negative pathways forged by traumas far deeper into our neural networks as far as I can tell so the unraveling of it all becomes rather behemoth. 

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AwareButStruggling

I surely wouldn't recommend this method of awakening to anyone, either. It definitely didn't have to happen this way for me, as well. It could have been achieved the other ways. I think honoring my own sensitivity and learning how to be at peace with myself when I was not at peace with myself were the key. I still have a very ambivalent relationship about Prozac, which I took for many years. It seemed like a good decision at the time, and it didn't unravel my life the way Ativan had, for example. I don't recall Prozac being as creativity zapping and life altering as benzodiazepines ended up being for me. Not being anti or pro medication in any sense, but being on one psych med (Prozac) for many years wasn't soul destroying for me. Apparently, taking it was a sign that just practicing mindfulness and awareness simply wasn't enough, and that perhaps, cultivating loving and kindness towards myself was very much needed. For many years, I was in a place I loved to help others, but there was something lacking when it came to helping myself, not realizing that I had that power in me, and that resorting to external help rather than reaching deeper within was not necessarily the answer. Of course, it's scary as hell to reach within. Our emotional defense mechanisms are so finely attuned. There is a sense of grief I feel that when I reached out for medical help and was given ativan, I actually, most likely didn't need it. What I needed to realize was that I was going through another transformation and a challengnig period in life that needed to be embraced instead of being tranquilized.Easier to say with the hindsight, but I had already built up a lot of emotional backlog (yes, sensitive people are extremely good at doing just that), which had to be dealt with sooner rather than later. I am not sure that even seeing a conventional therapist would have helped. It was a time to put all self-help books aside, put all the other "coping skills" aside, and just give myself more time to reflect on things and find my own truths, rather than absorbing various opinions and advice from so many different sources. Healthy boundaries were something that I clearly needed. I do believe in something called a "healthy ego". Not necessarily thinking how amazing person I am or what not, but having a healthy ego in a sense of having healthy boundaries and recognizing where my own traumas ended and where the other person's began. Essentially, not being an emotional sponge, but actually recognizing and validating other people's suffering, without having to make it my own. Generally opening the heart to others, but also realizing how other people's narratives and emotions were affecting me internally.

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GiaK

thank you. yes, here is to learning our own truth! ...it's all held within us and that part is a beautiful thing to discover...if also a difficult path to find ourselves on.

 

I made a little post...expanding on my last response...thank you for the inspiration...I take it from where it comes...the post is here...it expanded on the last comment I made and then I added additional tidbits:  https://beyondmeds.com/2017/04/22/freedom-from-pharma/

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GiaK

NEW POST
 

Thank god for Dr. Google & Gut bacteria tell the brain what animals should eat

 

 

For people like me it is illness that calls us to wellness and waking up.
 

Thank god for Dr. Google. Seriously. And to hell with those who glance side-ways at those of us who’ve learned to doctor ourselves.
 

We commit *science* via observations of our own bodies everyday. We learn by coming up with hypothesis and then utilizing trial and error fueled by ever-growing body-felt sense intuition. Our discernment of what we need in order to heal grows in this fashion.
 

Since it was pharmaceuticals that gravely injured me it’s easy for me to make the choice for non-pharma solutions whenever possible. Indeed, I actually no longer tolerate virtually all pharmaceuticals. My body gets sick — in its wisdom of what it needs it rejects that which poisoned it now. It’s far bigger than “me.” It’s my DNA being allowed to express itself (or something like that anyway…I tread lightly around belief and know I know nothing really).

 

In any case, the more I learn about chronic illness in general (in the population at large as well as in my own body), the more I see how much of it correlates with choices we make as a society and a collective. So even when symptoms of illness seem to appear radically diverse there are actually often many root similarities.

 

I don’t wish this journey on others so I now speak out that people might be aware of their choices before they might otherwise become ill or more ill.

 

This doesn’t mean there are not times when pharma is appropriate … it means that becoming conscious of options allows for better outcomes in the long run. In this world of kaleidoscopic reality what might be right for me may be poison for you and vice versa…we need only learn to trust our own experience…and then trust that of others too. Live and let live. Let life unfold. Let the mystery reveal itself.

 

Yes, the body will reveal all sorts of things when we learn to listen. It’s got millions of years of stored knowledge in it’s DNA. Allow the mystery and we learn so much more than we can by only reading and studying by conventional means. I find that doing both…listening mindfully to the body AND conventional study make a much more effective pairing. When we allow intuition to guide our more conventional study there is no stopping us.

 

***

On another somewhat related note I am sharing an article from Phys.org — Gut bacteria tell the brain what animals should eat

 

A friend shared the above article with me. I responded with this:

 

Yes, we are animals too. I feel my microbiome. Both the good and bad bacteria. I’ve learned to listen and discern what my gut is saying to me in order to continue healing my entire being…nervous system and brain too. I have some weirdly acute interoceptive capacities. I’ve not yet met anyone else who can keep up with that I’m experiencing though I’m sure I’m not the only one. I’ve written to academics who’ve written papers on interoception but I get the feeling even they don’t know what I’m talking about. I imagine I’ll meet others who do at some point. I meet more and more people everywhere that help me figure all that is happening on this healing journey when the time is right, it seems.  (articles on gut and gut healing here)

 

More on related topics:

An earlier collection too: Information and inspiration for the chronically ill 

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GiaK

new little mini post: first published here: https://beyondmeds.com/2017/04/30/psychiatric-labels-2/

 

Psychiatric labels don’t make sense anymore

 

We are kaleidoscopic beings — endlessly variant. Social, political, psychological, ecological, cultural, biological all having impact.
 

When we don’t engage our kaleidoscopic reality in a very active way – thinking we understand anything at all is ridiculous.

 

Everything Matters — it’s the meme I use as a title for my work because it encapsulates our essence..

***

SEE HERE: Psychiatric labels don’t make sense anymore

Once you label me you negate me…  (Kierkegaard)

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manymoretodays

:)  I just used the word weird/weirdness myself in my intro/journal entry.  Like minds think alike I suppose.  I am working on the words I use, as well........seems to make a difference.

 

Love, peace, recovery/healing, and growth,

 

manymoretodays

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GiaK

Love, peace, recovery/healing, and growth, to you too manymoretodays! 

 

here is some more stuff from another post just published: 

 

From inside out to outside in…that’s what healing is doing.
Rewiring for dealing with reality starting from within rather than without.
When gut lining and brain barrier is compromised there is only porousness…it is reflected in the psyche manifesting as poor boundaries…
 

***
 

This is what is happening. I’ve never had a sense of self. That’s the part that gets labeled “mentally ill.” I woke up anyway.
Healing involves doing the opposite of what Buddhism (generally) teaches. It means coming back into the body and integrating the self from no-self rather than the other way around. It is not about losing the self because that self never was…in that way we are both ahead of “normies” and not too…The biggest problem is normies don’t know how the **** to help us and are in fact dangerous to us…
 

***
 

I’ve never wanted to preach to the choir. Really I have no interest in preaching. Writing is more exorcism than anything else. Sometimes it also happens to be helpful to others.
 

***

When people trigger us they may not be dangerous/nasty/whatever – it may simply mean that we are afraid…When we are fearless we see that no one is inherently dangerous/nasty/violent whatever…
 

***

Like it or not, it’s only in my woundedness that I know the things I know. In the process of deep acceptance of this clarity comes.
 

***
 

The body and the body’s wisdom has been shunned and abused for decades now. SHE speaks through the body and she speaks through stories, metaphor, science, philosophy and my any means necessary…ancient and modern. SHE has as many languages as there are human beings and if we can be flexible we can hear her in every human being alive right now. And even if we are largely in touch with our own bodies relative to the larger human family, inasmuch as we do not hear her, see her, feel her, right now, in everybody we encounter we are not awake.

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GiaK

  

Let your pain speak

price-and-power-title-400x400-e149832099

Let your pain speak. Pain management is often necessary and grounded in kindness and mercy. Pain avoidance on the other hand will go too far. Learn to walk that line.

The entire medical system, both for physical and mental health, is largely based on pain avoidance-it’s not sustainable. We must feel to deeply heal.

Fact is, healing hurts sometimes…this is okay.
 

See also:

***

When I feel deeply into the pain of needing to eat animals on occasion it’s the greatest lesson in the paradoxical nature of life/death, sacrifice.

***

Organic, non-gmo, pastured raised local chicken broth/soup with celery, fennel, reishi mushrooms, astragalus, cumin, fennel seed, coriander, celery seed, carrots, seaweed, nettles, oatstraw and more…cooked three hours for all the brain and gut healing goodness from the bones to go into the broth……homemade medicine is sooooo good.

***
 

Newsflash: spiritual, physical, emotional, biological, mental, physiological…call it what you want – it’s all the same thing…

And then? It’s all chicken or the egg from there…who the heck knows how it all started or why.

***
 

As I heal my gut and blood/brain barrier I find that I am pulled into less and less drama. Boundaries…total mirror in the psyche. Beautiful.

the above one liner was a thought I had after posting this too:

From inside out to outside in…that’s what healing is doing.
Rewiring for dealing with reality starting from within rather than without.
When gut lining and brain barrier is compromised there is only porousness…it is reflected in the psyche manifesting as poor boundaries…

it was the  biofilm acting as mucosa and gut lining that was saving and killing me both…an artificial boundary of the compromised being – switching from biofilm to newly grown mucosa lining is an act of great destruction and creation both.

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btdt

probiotics were a saving grace for me more than once for different things... 

research repeat

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ChessieCat

Hi there,

 

The staff at SA are wondering how you are.  We'd love to hear how you are doing now.   Would you mind dropping by and giving an update?

 

Thanks.

CC

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GiaK

me? I'm okay...things have been very trippy. I was really sick and miserable for 8 months after the ICU stay and then it all shifted...things have gotten back on track...though my body went straight into another hard-core detox...just demands a very hard-core cleansing diet with some supps etc. That is actually what really led to the ICU stay...my detox pathways couldn't keep up and I got too sick to manage. This time I know what I'm doing...or my body does...I can't say exactly what I'm doing except that a decade of mindfulness and study has really taught me to respond to my body. It went into detox mode on it's own...I have learned how to largely keep detox pathways open but it's also a lot of work. I can't really believe how detox can go on forever...I think it's largely because I've not been able to totally heal my gut and I produce a fair amount of endogenous toxins just by eating. And I still don't tolerate really extreme detox measures so eating keeps things going slowly...it's all moving in the right direction again, however.

 

this was my end of year message on my site:
 

"December 25th was the anniversary of the day I was in ICU almost dead last year. I was fearing winter most of the year but it’s turned out far better than I expected. I am alive today…following the love of life-force within me that continues to heal this body which remains challenged (but only in the eyes of those who do not understand sacred illness) … I AM. And I am continuing to heal and celebrate life in ways I didn’t know were possible.
 

This doesn’t mean life doesn’t remain difficult. It means that the joyous mystery of life seeps through everything when we start to have eyes to see. Thank you dear readers. I continue to be motivated first and foremost for those I advocate for. I am one of those people too. I love all of us. Happy New Year and enjoy revisiting the year on this site below."

 

thanks for asking! 

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Altostrata

https://beyondmeds.com/2018/02/07/coming-home/

 

Hyponatremia is really scary. What was the drug you took?

 

https://beyondmeds.com/2018/04/09/how-did-this-happen/

Quote

I never recovered completely the first time around. I still couldn’t make plans or rely on my energy from day to day. I was optimistic and happy in spite of a lot of ongoing pain and difficulty.  I considered that a variety of thriving. I love life. I still do and it’s not easy for anyone.

 

"The first time around" means when you came off all the psych drugs?

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GiaK

I was unconscious for a week and almost killed me (they really didn't know if I'd make it), so yeah, that was scary ...it also set me back hard-core but at the 8 month mark things turned around and now I'm ahead of where I was before the set back and my nervous system has down-regulated in ways in never had the first 9 years out.

 

It was trileptal. took it three days. bad mistake to say the least. 

 

 

yes, when I came off all the psych drugs. the Hyponatremia was a secondary brain injury to the first. 

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Altostrata

That's terrible. Hyponatremia is a known adverse effect of Trileptal. You must have had a hypersensitive reaction to the drug.

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manymoretodays
On 1/6/2019 at 6:15 PM, GiaK said:

It was trileptal. took it three days. bad mistake to say the least. 

 

Yowser GiaK.

And thank you for IDing what that medication was.

I had followed along at beyondmeds.com and wondered too.

And the why was for physical pain then causing insomnia?

 

Ironic too, as Trileptal/oxcarbazepine, was my last medication to get off of, and perhaps the only one I really tapered down prior to coming off of it.

.......and I'm doing okay.........all things considered........truly thankful for it all somehow..........and these communities.

 

So glad you made it through that one.  Many thanks to Paul as well.  And for all you do in sharing all you do.  Know that you truly have helped so many of us.

 

((((GiaK)))))

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays!

 

 

 

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GiaK

The why is really more complicated than I've even tried to attempt to respond to because I'm still in the middle of it. Essentially I'm in some sort of profound transformational process which frankly the Kundalini frame is the most helpful to me in terms of communicating  anyway. It has led to a detoxification process that's intuitively guided. The detox is gruesomely destructive but it also includes a rebuilding process which goes on and off because of how I'm injured and how the nervous system needs to be supported to withstand the process. I almost died because of this process and I was in agony as a result of it. I'm actually going through something similar this year that I am handling somewhat better this time around. Finding supports in odd places, again, through intuitive guidance. Anyway that may only serve to confuse more but I do like to try to speak to it directly and don't really know how to do it yet. I am working on developing language for it.

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JackieDecides
On 1/25/2019 at 6:41 AM, GiaK said:

The detox is gruesomely destructive but it also includes a rebuilding process which goes on and off because of how I'm injured and how the nervous system needs to be supported to withstand the process. I almost died because of this process and I was in agony as a result of it.

 

I'm so sorry it has been this bad for you. I wish I had something useful to say about it but that's about all I have. 

your posts here - and SA more generally - are SO much information, huge amounts, that I can't even begin to read through let alone respond to it all. I  skim. 

 

but I really appreciate that you take the time to come and post! 

 

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GiaK

Thank you for being here to receive. Sharing is clearly an important part of my healing process and without you it wouldn't work. May we all continue to get better together.

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GiaK

new post: 

 

Mini meditations for your pleasure in contemplation…

pexels-photo-289586.jpeg?w=720

I often think in brief statements and feel less and less inclined to go on and on about much in full-length articles. I still enjoy the full-length articles when they emerge, they just are not emerging as often. And so I offer the below. Nuggets of fun stuff to think about.

***

Hands are astonishingly beautiful. I highly recommend gazing at and watching your hands with mindfulness and love.

***

the idea of controlling one’s thoughts is rather amusing as well as simple fantasy. We can watch our thoughts and grow less attached to our thoughts but controlling them isn’t on the cards. Becoming familiar with them & watching them move like the weather is a very useful skill however

 

more: meditation

***

I said no to my personal mythology. Everything has radically shifted — the only paradigm: the

unknown.

 

more: personal mythology

***

“if I can do it anyone can” – yeah, that’s BS…we’re all different so even if something looks similar on the surface the contexts of our lives are endlessly varied. When we value our differences we can start to listen to the other rather than assume we know anything about them

***

We need to be aware of when we’re projecting…at this point I figure, if I’m feeling it, it’s mine. That’s not a popular opinion among those who call themselves “empaths.” Come on though…we’re either all connected or we’re not. Project and be in spiritual bypass or we can be radical and own our  s h i t  and grow and be healthy.

 

more: empaths and empathy

52415962_1606846309460281_3261517943183245312_n

***

We shoot for the stars when we really need to be shooting for the dirt underneath our feet.

***

Belief, Myth, stories, about that which we cannot see– that which is the realm of the spirit– are all ungrounded. The mystery is real– claiming to know what it is not so much.

Fantasies hurt. Seeking hurts. Letting go into the mystery offers relief.

 

more: belief

***

there is only one voice one needs to hear and it is a whisper

***

the healthy body wants a healthy inflammatory response. it allows for the flushing of foreign invaders out of the body. it’s not until the body is unhealthy, (beyond threshold in multiple ways) that inflammation gets out of control and starts hurting the body…

 

more: body healiing

***

The universe responds. It leads and it follows and it accompanies. Dance with the universe any way you see fit. She is waiting.

***

I don’t think my medicine it just comes into being as I work in my kitchen and watch. …food and herbal mixtures come upon me…I watch as it flows out of me…my body leads the way…the recipe as much a surprise to me as to anyone else… the act of CREATION, the act of MEDICINE in the kitchen.

***

Of course we’re wrong about some stuff. We all are pretty much all the time. The clearer we get the more we don’t attach to ideas … we can still use them for utilitarian purposes….and learn and grow. I started practicing non-belief many years ago now. Non-belief goes along with being in the mystery, in the unknown.

***

We got to give it all up. The romance, the fantasies the mythologies. We wake up into the ordinariness of our life. And yes it remains miraculous too.

***

some people are able to create their own safe spaces…may those of us who’ve been graced to have the resources to do this work help create spaces for our less resourced sensitive brothers and sisters in pain.

 

more: mental illness system and alternatives

***

52258682_593093357821520_3408763260474753024_n

***

FIRST POSTED HERE: https://beyondmeds.com/2019/02/14/mini-meditations-for-your-pleasure-in-contemplation/

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Adili13

Hi Gia, 

 

I just wanted to let you know that you’ve had a profound impact on my life and my recovery. A little over a year ago, I found one of your videos on YouTube, and my life has never been the same. Though this process is painful and though we have endured serious injury, prior to finding this community and people like you, I truly felt no hope in my life. I think you are an unbelievably special person. Every time I think about the goodness and the light in people like you and Laura Delano, it brings me to tears. Crying has been very healing for me, as well as a strong meditation practice and engaging in Tonglen whenever the feeling arises. Anyway, I just want to celebrate you for being you and all the good you have brought into the world. 

 

Peace,

 

Anthony 

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GiaK

Thanks for letting me know Anthony.

I agree about crying too--good medicine.

We all need one another.

Best to you.

🦀🦋🐌

 

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GiaK

As we take over our own health care and come to know our bodies we are changing the world.
 

img_20190226_083841_133.jpg?w=664



Been doing stuff like this on occasion on Facebook and Instagram. Feel free to download image straight from here or share from Facebook/Instagram if you so desire.
 

More: Iatrogenic (medically induced) injury
 

Let’s learn to LISTEN to ourselves and each other
 

Learn to listen to the inner guru

 

new post: https://beyondmeds.com/2019/02/26/envision-a-world/

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GiaK

sorry that pic is so big. can't figure out how to get it to go smaller. 

 

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Rachellynn

I really need hope right now🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

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GiaK

Hang on -- the one thing we can count on is that things change and on this journey things get worse and they get better and they get worse and they get better. Overtime perspective comes and we find ways of finding Joy even when things are very difficult. Hang in there.

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JackieDecides

So true.

Hopefully we get stronger so that when things get worse it's not as hard.

Or something like that. 

Edited by JackieDecides
More words

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noearthlyfamily

hi GiaK...

 

ChessieCat reccomended you as one of the few people who've made it thru tothe other side of withdrawal to the success of healing after over 20 years of psych meds. i had commented earlier that i wish there was someone who had made it thru after being on the meds as long as i have (24 years) that is a success story to give me hope,  and i'm so glad she reccomended you so i can read your story and be encouraged that healing after 2 decades on multiple psych meds is indeed possible and doable!

 

HUGS!

noearthlyfamily

 

and i just bookmarked your website and will be binge reading and watching it in the next several weeks!

 

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noearthlyfamily

and yes, i am a humanimal and i'm hunkering down under a bush and nursing my wounds as my instincts tell me to! 

 

i went no contact with my narcissist family of origin and released the resentments i had toward them. now i feel nothing, which is a relief from 46 years of being gaslighted and scapegoated as the crazy one and made to be the black sheep for all the other family member's sins...i hold no anger anymore for them all, just pity. now i know that the feelings i have and had were not crazy or imbalanced but just intense.

 

i am able to see my actual part in things better now, without taking on that blame and guilt for what was done to me or blamed on me. your blogsite is so inspiring!

 

now i know that the feelings i have and had were not crazy or imbalanced but just intense. 

 

thanks for your insights

 

 

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