Skeeter's Journey

[tntd]

Hi Skeeter,

 

I just wanted to pop in and say hi. I've been thinking about you and I hope things are going well for you.

 

Hugs,

T

[peng]

Yes, difficult not to think of you, Skeeter.  Missing you.

All the best to you.

[apace41]

Hi, Skeeter,

 

I have not had a chance to read through your whole thread (I remember your introductory post from when you joined) but I will.

 

You posted such a nice message on my thread I figured I HAD to become a follower.

 

Just a quick note to say thanks again and hope you are doing well.

 

Best,

 

Andy

[RachelSusan]

Hi Skeeter,

Just thought I would check in.  You helped me at a time I desperately needed help. Again, I wanted to thank you. I'm still tapering and doing well. If and when you are able to come back we are here waiting. 

xoxo

RS

[virgo43]

I wanted to say hello. Wanted to hear about u. U haven't posted for a while. I was able to read ur story.

Take care and keep us updated.

[Skeeter]

Hello all!

Coulpe of possibly killer questions here! Background information, my last benzo taper was 19 months ago.

 

#1:  How long after being benzo s/sx free from a one day switch from 2mg Xanax to 20 mg Valium/diazepam would you wait before going in for dental surgeries (fairly major, and multiple) before you would consider trying Lidocaine (Known to cause those with past benzo WD major issues- note I am still on 15mg of Valium/diazepam for a nerve conduction issue with shooting pains), as it will be part of the lessor procedures (with full sedation on the major procedures, but many times during even sedated oral surgery, they will add Lidocaine with epi, as epinephrine constricts the blood vessels, and cuts down on bleeding).  I would say that for benzo, I am s/sx free x 10-11 months.  Should I wait longer?  Any of you that stopped a benzo, or switched benzoes, and di not necessarily stop them, and had dental procedures where you KNOW you had lidocaine, re welcome to join in, please, how far out were you being symptom free, and what was your outcome with the lidocaine?

 

#2:  I would like to start a very slow taper of Lexapro (for those unaware, it is a very stong AD, and I am very aware of this, so I will be going at 5% or less every 6-8 weeks when I do begin to be on the safe side until I know how I react, andmy goal is 5mg right now, as I take it for PMDD as well.  Does anyone know if multiple oral procedures as explained above would cause any issues during a slow AD WD, or possibly specific to Lex?  I do not want to wait until I am done with these procedures, as healing time is unknown (but known to be very extended after each portion, and I will be spending a lot of down time.  Worried about not starting my AD WD due to waiting for this.  Now I can hold for each procedure on the same dose  starting before each procedure, and after, for as long as needed, but is it known if it will make the procedures harder if doing a very long slow taper (or ANY AD taper) that I repeat I will stop before each procedure, and not begin Tapering again until I am feeling back to normal (but still healing?  I hope this makes sense!! I will wait if I have to butt we are talking 12-16 weeks between each procedure for the major ones (and there will be 4-6), so if you add them all up, and chances are, I will be a slow healer, it puts me in danger of running into my benzo or AD pooping out before I finish my AD taper, so I do have a valid concern, I think.  So anyone have any fairly extensive dental work done while doing any AD WD?  Did it affect you in any negative way?  I am talking the kind of Taper where function is at the top of my worries, and speed is not the main (or any) concern, as long as I am slowly moving forward.

 

Thank you all!

 

P.S. To my "regulars" who I used to visit spontaneously and vice versa), I apologize for not stopping in to visit you all of recent, but between health issues and other things, I have been down and out.  I promise to start revisiting as soon as humanly possible, right now I a dealing with a severe WD that has nothing to do with SA, and am just not up to checking up on you, but I will be back when I can, I promise!

 

 

Edited November 3, 2017 by Skeeter
spelling

[brassmonkey]

There's never an optimum time to start a taper, so if things are fairly stable it's just best to go for it.  Because they take such a long time there are going to be things crop up that will have to be taken into account as you get to them.  Usually adding a hold period when thing come up is the best way to handle them, especially if other drugs are involved.  For the Lex, I would suggest doing a 4% Brassmonkey slide. 1% a week for four weeks and then an additional 2 week hold.  That would be 4% every six weeks, which is in line with what you just talked about.  Spreading things out with the slide really will help cut the impact of the symptoms and making the little fiddly changes makes it seem you're being very proactive in doing something.

 

I had a root channel and deep cleaning while tapering and had no problems. 

[peng]

Skeeter,

I was on a benzo (ativan) 1977-c85.  Had several dental procedures then, do not recall ever having a problem.  I was struggling mentally, but was in full time work, too. 

 

The more we know, the more we have to worry about sometimes.

Good luck, anyway, thinking of you and best wishes to you for some relief!

peng

[Skeeter]

Thank you so much Brass and Peng!!

Brass,

You were tapering Lex at the time of your deep root planning and rot canal while tapering Lex?   I think I will have to do the BRASSMONKEY SLIDE!! It is a great plan (I just never, but I may hold longer in between, but that is why I like your plan, it allows for that any time during the hold.  I am quite ill (and will be for a while) and cannot focus enough to read how your side effects went, would you mind giving me a quick rundown,  if you can take pity on me at the moment, (due to a taper from a non-SA covered drug, I am unable to focus to read long text)?  Have you heard of fear based procrastination when first starting a taper?  My only run in with a bad AD issue was when I did not just switch from one to the other (never an issue with that), but was removed from 2 different over 8 weeks, then a 3rd.  I am left with a deep fear due to the after effects of that, which was a cold turkey by our standards, and was done on a doctor's advisement.  I would like to hear from others tapering Lex who had major dental surgery/surgeries, as we are all different, but I am sure you would tell me if you have ever heard of such an issue, RIGHT? LOL!!

 

Peng,

So glad that you had no issues with Ativan and dental issues!  Hopefully by saying that, you helped calm a lot of people over time.  Valium is a bit more well known to cause massive issues, but after so many months, let us hope I have the same response you did!!  I have been Benzo WD free (tho not totally Benzo free) for a loooong time.  Time flies when you are having fun, eh?

 

Thanks to my guardian angels (Yes, men can be angels, ever see "Michael" with John Travolta? So Yep, I got myself TWO handsome angels!)

 

[brassmonkey]

"Have you heard of fear based procrastination when first starting a taper?"  Starting a taper is a big step into the unknown and if you're symptomatic or had a bad previous experience it makes the unknown all the scarier.  The most common reaction would be to do nothing.  I was scared to death when I started my taper.  I finally decided that things couldn't get much worse that they were already and went for it.  Once you've taken the first step it starts to get easier.  The big thing is you're in control this time, you're doing the taper under your terms and in you're way.  That's an excellent position to be in.

 

Ah, my poor Skeets is really out of it ATM.  I've never been on Lex. The only thing I've take was Paxil. The root canal was pretty much a nonevent.  There was the usual pre-event nervousness but everything went very smoothly and there was no post event uptick in symptoms.  Same thing with the deep cleaning which required a lot of local pain killer.  Some other members have mentioned on their threads that they have had similar good experiences while others have mentioned having trouble afterwards.  You might want to talk to Bubble.

 

Hope your nonSA WD is going smoothly.

 

(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

 

 

[RachelSusan]

Skeeter,

 

I thought I would stop by and say hello. I did read your note about the health issues you are going through. I am so sorry to hear this and hope for the very best for you.  Please do not feel any pressure to respond. When you are able you will. Just take really good care or yourself my friend.

 

To catch you up with what's going on with me, there has been some ups and downs on my part. I had a great spring and summer taper with "zero symptom tapers." However in August it caught up with me. Right now I am holding because of that delayed withdrawal that started in August and went through the beginning of November, which I am now coming out of. I've had about a week of very low or no symptoms. 

 

xo

RS

[Skeeter]

On ‎11‎/‎15‎/‎2017 at 7:53 AM, RachelSusan said:

Skeeter,

 

I thought I would stop by and say hello. I did read your note about the health issues you are going through. I am so sorry to hear this and hope for the very best for you.  Please do not feel any pressure to respond. When you are able you will. Just take really good care or yourself my friend.

 

To catch you up with what's going on with me, there has been some ups and downs on my part. I had a great spring and summer taper with "zero symptom tapers." However in August it caught up with me. Right now I am holding because of that delayed withdrawal that started in August and went through the beginning of November, which I am now coming out of. I've had about a week of very low or no symptoms. 

 

xo

RS

I am so sorry that you were having a tough time (since it has been about a month). How are you feeling now? Thank you for understanding my slow response.
(((HUGS)))

SKeeter

[Skeeter]

I am returning here after some necessary time off.  I am sorry to all of my pals here who I have not been able to keep up with, but for reasons beyond my control, I was not able to help anyone but myself.  I hope to be able to spend more time here now that I am using voice typing (Dragon software), but due to medication changes beyond my control, pain has increased and so has my fatigue from dealing with that 24/7. I am not in a great place as a result, but hopefully being here will help.

 

One new med I am on (Not and AD or Benzo) causes depression in 70% of people in the first month, and that is my struggle right now, so I think tapering  Lex will need to hold until I can work this out. Insomnia due to increased pain is kicking my arse as well.  Hopefully being back here will help take ny mind off of my own struggles, I need that!

 

Thank you to all who have supported me via PM and here on my thread, it means the world to me!
(((Hugs)))
Skeeter

 

                           

[brassmonkey]

I'm glad you're feeling well enough to drop in Skeets.  I hope the new med sorts itself out quickly. Take your time and get better.

 

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))

 

Brass

[Gridley]

Always, always, be kind to yourself. 

[RachelSusan]

Hi Skeeter,

It's great to hear from you. Don't you ever worry about how long it takes you to get back to me. It's most important you take care of yourself right.  There is no pressure here. 

 

Thanks for asking about me. I am feeling OK right now. No WD symptoms. 

 

I am thinking about you and hoping you get some relief from your pain and your fatigue. I'm also sorry to hear about the depression. Perhaps that will start to go away as you body acclimates to the new medication.

 

xo

RS

[peng]

Skeets,

 

So sorry to hear of your bad time.  I hope some relief comes pronto.

Thinking of you,

love & best wishes.

[manymoretodays]

Welcome back Skeeter and I will follow......  Another amazing journey.  And it does sound like a tough stretch that you recently had.  It does help.......to be here, at SA.  And now........the Hollowdays(holidays).  May they be fine for all of us! 

 

Ahhh, self care........that has not always been one of my strong points.........yet, I am learning...........for example, the rather self indulgent 4 hour Epsom salt bath I took this past week, in the name of "meditation".  So grateful that I CAN do stuff like that.

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

mmt 

[Skeeter]

You all make me feel doted upon!  I have not have so many regulars on my thread, though I  do know it is read.  Thank you for spoiling me and missing me while I was gone.  I will visit all of your threads in kind.  Brass, I need to catch up on you, as I was trying to read beginning to end, same for MMT- I need to read you entire thread, but will follow you as well, and comment.

 

Brass,

I have to go through  just one more drop on this non-SA medication, and a Court date, but you have me pegged, I feel awful as a mod to admit this, but I am procrastinating starting my Lex WD. I am truly afraid to start, but this hold until March is truly out of my hands.  I just went through a different type of WD, and will be dropping that again in about 6 weeks (for the last time, I pray) then 6 weeks later, court, so I am looking at early/mid March as attending WC court for the 7th TIME (after winning the last 6 in a row over 15 years) in early March trumps everything else right now. 

 

RachelSusan,

I am so pleased you have NO WD SYMPTOMS!!!  What a marvelous place to be finally!  I am just thrilled for you!  I felt so bad for you when you were struggling, and the symptoms were so very strong, but you got through it. I am thrilled that you get to go through the holidays in such good shape.  Knowinf how hard things were just a year ago, I would not have thought this possible, but I am just thrilled for you.  I appreciate so very much that you cared enough to reach out during my rare updates.

 

Peng,

I truly hope you are holding when you need, and not pushing it just because it is the cold months there again.  Last winter (at lest part of it) was quite rough on you.  I do hope you have found a pace that works well for you, as I do not wish you to suffer like that again..  it is not a race, and you deserve better than to suffer.!  For those of you that do not know Peng, I do suggest reading his intro thread, as is it so very interesting.  He had the honor of working a very important career, one I am happy he got the chance to do!  He is very kind, and I love the times we get to chat.

 

Now to all of you who responded to me right away, I am moving a bit more slowly than usual, as we are finally, after a 3 year hiatus, having a real MN winter, it is so cold and miserable, and my health condition makes life very hard when it gets like this.  I cannot afford to keep the house at 85 degrees like I did for 4 years after my dx, so now I am here, but slow...lol.  Does not seem like climate change issues are affecting us as much THIS winter, but I could see it the past few years (we did not even have enough snow to be plowed even once last year, and only twice the year before, when the usual is 10-15 times! Now we are a little colder than usual.  BLECH!!  So, I will be visiting your threads to catch up and comment, just give me time!!

 

(((HUGS to ALL)))

Skeeter

[pinkfairy]

Skeeter ♥️

 

So good to have you back.so sorry it’s hard for you right now.

 

but so many people care about you.

 

big hugs to you & look after your self 

pink xxxx

 

ps hope your behaving 🌹

[RachelSusan]

Skeeter,

 

Take you time, no need to respond until you feel up to it.  I'm just thrilled that you are here.  Take care of your health first. 

 

It has been a rough year for me, but right now I am doing alright. Many thanks to you for your help during the most difficult part of the process. I'm not out of the woods yet as I find it is getting harder as I get into the lower numbers. The tools I have learned to use here on this site will hopefully help me to navigate these difficult waters.

 

Again, take care of yourself first.  We miss you but we know you are dealing with serious medical issues.

 

xoxo

Rachel

 

[brassmonkey]

Hey Skeets-- It's not procrastination, you're getting your house in order before you start your taper.  that's a good thing.  Get things settled and out of the way and you should be able to relax a bit about the taper. Being scared to take that first step is pretty common, I know I sure was. Once things get rolling you'll be very glad you did. As Mods we handle a lot of the difficult cases which can skew our view of what lies ahead for us.  Things aren't always as bad as we see them.

 

Reading my thread from the beginning, you're braver than I thought. LOL  Have I mentioned that the first 85 pages were lost when Prior Place closed down? That's where the interesting stuff was.

 

Hope the court date goes well.

 

(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

 

Brass

[Skeeter]

Sorry, my friends, you cared to reply to me right away, but I fell into a deep depression when put on a different drug not related to my journey here.  pretty much after I started posting again. started it Nov 23, thank god for amazing friends who step up to help when they see what you cannot. I slowly backed down to one a day, then stopped, and it took a  solid month to drop the depression after stopping. then less than a week later:

 

8 days ago my 26year old cousin OD'd on heroin, and was lost.  I did not know it, but he was addicted for years, the trouble when you have many people in your family, it is hard to keep up with each branch o the family tree, as my parents divorced and both remarried, and my dad divorced again, and remarried...and I had a huge family before that happened.  I guess it was good we have not been in touch, as it is hard as heck, but it could have been so much worse. He left behind a toddler. My heartbreak comes from the fact that my aunt kicked him out, did not want to find him dead (I agree wholeheartedly wit her decision), so he move in with "papa" our grandfather, who then found him. 15 months ago he lost his partner of 50-some years, "Gram." He has dementia, which I am happy for, as he will not dwell on it, it that sounds cruel, I do not mean it to.

 

 Sorry to address this here, grief is fogging me temporarily:

@RachelSusan

I realize I know nothing about your current situation, so I am writing this a bit blindly.  I promise to read your thread when I am able and hope to be a bit more relevant: Have you slowed down your taper (%), so your body can handle the drops?  Down to perhaps a 1 or a 2% decrease TOTAL (or even less) every 6-8 weeks (or shorter if you hit your "withdrawal normal", or longer if you do not)?  The lower you go the tougher it gets, as I am sure you know.  Please go as slow as needed. I know it sucks to extend it out, but feeling better is the best way to go!  I remember how awful you felt when you went too fast on accident, and you had tremors, and GI issues, if memory serves, plus a bunch of other issues. I hope you will again take my advice, and take it as slow as you need.  It took forever for everything to resolve last time, and I really care a ton to not see you there again!  Pushing it also can increase your chance of prolonged symptoms afterwards, so let that be a factor in your decision.  I do not want to see you suffer badly again. I am so proud of you for keeping going all this time, and am proud of the rests you take when needed!! You are amazing!! Remember that!

 

@brassmonkey

Thank you for helping give me permission to let go of the guilt and waiting until court to begin.  It is next month.  Now with the loss of my cousin, I am certainly glad I waited.  I know stressors will come up, but one is a planned stressor, so I am just thankful I am not dealing with the unplanned one as well as WD going to court.

 

@pinkfairy

So proud of you, I see you reaching out to others on their threads? Right?  I saw in my daily email where it appeared you were commenting on others threads.  I could not see the content, but you are great at calming others!  Hope you got your paint-by-numbers back, they are fun, and I "feel" so artistic!  Trying calligraphy is pretty cheap to do, and is fun, IMHO.  I am a lefty, so I practice with both hands, as everyone teaches for the right handed population, and the lefty book was too long for me to remember everything.  I do not do it often, but it is fun to do when you need something low stress.  it is repetitive, but you can make money addressing envelopes for weddings if you get good enough.  I bought The Calligraphy Bible, which has 10 different "hands"/fonts and shows how to do each one.

 

I hope to be back on the horse here very soon.  Coming here to help others when a drug makes you so depressed you cannot function is not possible.  Glad I am past it!

[ChessieCat]

Hi Skeeter,

 

Go to YouTube and search left handed calligraphy!

[peng]

Best wishes, Skeeter, thinking of you and hope the hard time you have been having eases.

Love,

Peng (another "lefty")

  

[brassmonkey]

Hi Skeets--  I'm so sorry to hear about your cousin. Not being in close touch might make it seem a bit easier, but it's a close loss none the less and will be upsetting.  I'm so glad you've come to terms with the waiting until things have settled, there's no need to be wrestling with that while all this other stuff is going on.  Each thing in it's time.

 

(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))

 

Brass

[RachelSusan]

Hi Skeeter,

 

Good to hear from you. I want to respond to your post however I am recovering from hip replacement surgery and rather tired today.  I'll respond more when I can. 

 

As always, thanks for thinking of me, especially with all the current hardships going on in your life. Speaking of your hardships, please know I am thinking of you and hoping things improve for you. You are very much missed.

 

Much love and thanks,

RS

[pinkfairy]

Oh hello you ❣️ Really pleased to hear from you ❣️

 

But not under the circumstances,am so truly sorry for your loss  !just know we’re all thinking of you...look after you & hopefully we will see you soon ❣️!Youve been through a lot & it’s taxing on your CNS,plus all that sadness to boot esp while in WD.xxx

 

yea have been trying,I just feel strange trying to help like it doesn’t help them if that makes sense.I lack so much confidence.Yes got my paint by numbers back :)) 

Have not spoke to him since either..

 

oh oh I will look into that “am righty”lol 

 

well you look after your self well my pal..missed you loads!

 

Take care pink xxxxxx

[pinkfairy]

Thinking of you 

xxxxxx

[manymoretodays]

Hi Skeeter,

And ouch.  So sorry to hear of your cousin.  Ugh.

And how is the weather?  Cold, cold, and more cold I hear.  I got to see my own cousin from your area recently.  And Mum.    90 years of age!  And it doesn't look bad at all......I mean this whole aging thing or being 90, for her.  Very grateful.......very, very much so.

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth,

mmt

[RachelSusan]

Hi Skeeter,

 

I was thinking about you and wanted to say hello.  I was saddened to read about the various negative situations going on in your life.  I hope that with time you might start to feel a little better.

 

I still use the tools you taught me.  I did have a bad spell with the tapers and this time around things go a little better.  My last taper was 5% but I think I am going to switch and start doing tapers 2.5% or less.

 

Thank you again for all the help, support, and time you gave to me.

 

RS

[Skeeter]

Oh RachelSusan, a hip replacement, my poor dear!  I do hope you are healing well!  I am sorry I was gone for so long! My Cousin's death hit me very hard.  Thank all of you fr your kid words.

 

Pink, You had better be behaving yourself!!!  I mean it now!  50 lashes with a wet noodle if you have been misbehaving...lol.  No reply necessary, dear.

 

Ah, my dear Peng, I love our conversations.  You have such wonderful stories that I could listen to all day.  Is Spring popping its head up there?  We still have a bit of snow on the ground, but it will be gone soon.  I know you love being outside once that wicked weather warms up. For any new readers tuning in, Peng had a very important job for many years, he watched the weather for, (excuse me on this, by dear chum, was it for AN airport, or several?  I remember it being one, which makes sense) an airfield, we shall say for now in his home country.  Takes far more expertise than my years in school and in EMS, because so many lives lay in his hands!  It is not the only thing he has done, just one noteable one. He has done other wonderful things, including travel extensively (which I am very jealous about) and is a very kind  soul to boot!

 

MMT, I have missed you as well.  I hope things are greening up for you, not yet here, we got hit with some late snow.  I read that you ski somewhere.  I am envious!!

 

ChessieCat, Thank you dear, I will check you tube regarding left handed calligraphy.  it is quite fun trying to be ambidextrous.  I throw with my right (well when I could throw...lol), open doors with my right, and eat and write with my left,  If is right arm dominant, and left handed.  Will miss you, kiddo! No response needed.  Thank you for the PM response. Chessie was wonderful during her very long time here as a mod.  I miss her dearly now that it has sunk in.

 

Brass,  Have missed your humor a ton.  You always crack me up.  (((HUGS)))

 

Oh, and I must not forget JC, with her beeyootiful kitty named Piper.  And she really does sing for her supper!  Amazing having animals, isn't it?!?!

 

This is my roll call, and I adore every single one of you!

Edited April 24, 2018 by Skeeter
spelling

[Skeeter]

Hello, all!

I am *sort of* back as a mod.  Reading up on all that I missed, and updating a spreadsheet/self given job that will be of great benefit the more I do-  has all taken time.  I am tracking which drugs are causing delayed WD (3-5 months seems to be the norm), and if they were on a benzo when they stopped their AD (always a CT stop per SA definition).  I will move on to posting for others very soon. Today, maybe?

 

I have felt a great amount of guilt for being a non-tapering mod. However, I did come to a realization, with how rough of I time I had from my benzo switch that should have taken months, but was done in one day, I am not surprised that I have been symptomatic for so long- I did not admit it at the time, but I was having ups and downs, in AD talk, I guess they would be windows and waves. This month is exactly 2 years from my last CT/crossover (I had 4 drug CT's total in a 4 month span, and one awful crossover from one benzo to another included in that time,,and that is the one that was the worst, and had the longest lasting issues. I actually started a different AD 1 year and 11 months ago, and I was one of the lucky ones on that, it was long before I came here. I just realized that though we tell others to take a break of several months at least after a sudden change like that, I did not take into account doing that for myself.  It truly has taken me 2 years to get to a point to where I can even think of a taper. I am amazed that it took this long, but am glad that i did wait. Finally I have let go of the guilt, even though I am still a non-taperer as of today. Is there any question as to why I would be nervous about tapering anything after being through what I went through up to this point? To me, nope- no questions, only understanding- FINALLY!  I guess I am a little slow, but as long as I get there, that is all that matters

 

I have a non-AD related health issue, and an upcoming court date.  I am choosing to not start in earnest until then, because I do have to testify in this trial (NON-CRIMINAL, it is Work Comp court...lol).  I need to be as self assured as possible. Side effects from tapering are not something I can deal with!! My nerves are enough, thank you.

 

Thank you to all who have stood beside me in my absence while popping in now and then.  I am very touched and thankful that you have followed me, and I hope to pay that back, or at least pay it forward to you...

 

Be well!

Skeeter

 

 

[manymoretodays]

Good to see you posting Skeeter.  I'm "sort of" too!

I have to get on out in this day now........sunny and nice.  Hopefully a still running lawn mower......to be determined. 

 

Love, peace, healing/inrecovery, and growth baby, growth,

mmt

 

p.s.  Best for court!!!!!!!   I can relate to the nerves.

Edited April 21, 2018 by manymoretodays
p.s.

[RachelSusan]

Welcome back Skeeter.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

RS

[peng]

Great to see you back, Skeeter.  You have been through the mill.  Dont push yourself too hard.  Your admirers love you and will understand.

Thanks for the kind words, but, heck! I was only a middle grade UK civil servant!  The eyes of our kids glaze over when I tell them about stuff!

If I want to get into show business, you can be my agent!