Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

spectio: Is this Depression or Withdrawal?


spectio

Recommended Posts

Hi, Tim, as you describe all your symptoms, I can acknowledge feeling ALL of them, sometimes at the same time! Talk about a trial! I wouldn't wish this kind of hell on anybody.

 

I'm glad you spent some time with the rescue folks and that they brought you back into the fold. Sounds like a good group. I wish I had enough symptom -less days where I could visit with some of the groups in Reno and talk to them about my backward little town. For now, just the thought of doing too much sends my anxiety upward.

 

I did manage to trap the one neutered cat that brought all this uneasiness into my life a couple of months back. I also retrapped. another cat in the same place. About three weeks ago I set traps out and caught a young tuxedo male. I neutered, ear notched him and turned him lose at a my mothers house where a friend and I take care of carts who lived at my office when it was open. Well, turns out this little boy made the two or three mile reurn trip to the place where he was born. It was surprising but not unbelievable. So I have these two homeless cats and I have plans to house them for a couple of months to see if they are in the smallest way tameable. I can't just turn them loose in one of my other colonies because obviously the possibility exists they will go back to their old, though less than hospitable home. After that I don't know what I can do with them long term. That kind of worries me

 

I thought through the veil of my unrelenting anxiety that I could just take them into Reno to the Nevada Humane Society and let them find them a place. Last week, I talked to a client who had adopted a dog from the NHS. They told me there were 60+ dogs, and over 200 cats! So, I don't know if I want to add to their overwhelming problem. And this is going into kitten season! I worry I would turn these guys over to them and they would spend the next year in a cage. Not many good choices for feral/semi feral cats.

 

I know of Bonnie Brown but have never met her. She has a tough job and has been there a long time. I have taken other cats there over the years because I just couldn't turn them over to the local shelter so I am very thankful they are there. I don't know how they do it!

 

Thanks, Tim, for the positive, hopeful thoughts you sent my way. I really do appreciate your encouragement. I need all the encouragement I can get!! I've actually had a couple of pretty good days where my anxiety was low and I got out and did a few things. I went to a "duck workshop" today in Reno. One of my old college professors is a local Audubon Society member and was the moderator. It was a very lightweight lecture so no anxiety associated with it. Afterwards we walked around a lake close by and Id'd ducks. It was fun. I just remember walking around looking at birds and how calm I was. It was truly miraculous! After that I took in a movie and called it a day.

 

I wish for you calmer days, less tinnitis, hopeful moments. You're fairly early in withdrawal, Tim and you're going about it the right way, nice and slow. Things will steadily improve and you'll see better and better days. I liked your comment about laying in the bath tub. Are there any meditation groups in your area? I know my brother meditates with a group of people in Los Angeles. I bet that would be a powerful tool! In my little town, rest assured I am the Only meditator.

 

Okay, Tim. Keep in touch and I'm always here if you need to talk! HUGS TO YOU, TOO!

I started withdrawing off remeron in August of 2009, with the help of a holistic physician.The reason for the withdrawal was a year or two of off and on nausea, deterioration in my thinking, and more depression. It took me a full year to work from 135 mg down to 45mg. At that point, more drops were causing more depression. Unfortuately, the nervousness that I was also feeling for the last year continued with the 45 mg. Thirty one days ago, I stopped the remeron. I am still feeling the nervousness every day and the last week, I am feeling what I think is depression but not sure. In bed in the morning, I'm already dreading another day feeling this way. I am intensely unsure of myself and find it very hard to do anything. I was a practicing veterinarian for 29 years until I found I could not practice anymore. First of all I couldn't think, or remember, and I had absolutely no confidence in anything I did. These were things I did with relative ease for twenty+ years. So, this feeling of no confidence has been during the time I was on the AD(the last 2 years) and today. I take no other medication other than my blood pressure meds. I tried supplements with my holistic dr. but they seemed to make the intense nervousness even more intense. Anyway, I truly feel stuck.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Spectio,

 

Thank you very much for a very interesting post and for giving me some encouragement despite your own situation. I share your concerns about sending cats and dogs to shelters only to see them caged, sometimes for years. It's heart-breaking to think of it. Fortunately the shelter I visited is well connected and there seem to be enough potential adoptees registered to take away and kittens and puppies quickly. It's the adult animals, especially those with "difficulties" that are hard to re-home.

 

I have been on a roller-coaster of bad, worse, a bit better, bad, worse, a bit better of late. I pulled a muscle in the lower back while working with a spade outside in the cold about two weeks ago and that has been excruciating. Laying down, sitting and standing were OK, but moving from any one of these states to another was a real pain. After a week I had recovered quite a bit and this Monday I was able to walk over three miles comfortably and with no problems. But the pain has returned this last couple of days along with the cold weather, so where I was 90% healed, now I am only 70%. Lower back pain is a new experience for me so I'm on a learning curve.

 

In line with my latest modest dose reduction, I've also experienced the normal symptoms including a bit of anxiety, depression, obsessive thoughts, hypersensitivity, the full doom cloud. I can't understand how other people are so damn OK with life while I am struggling to keep going. Getting off these meds is a nightmare, even when you do it slowly. Sorry I can't be more positive this time around. I know it's a wave and will pass eventually.

 

You've been off of remeron for a while now, so in theory your brain should be healing itself steadily. Have you noticed any improvements in the past few weeks? The road is a rocky one for sure, and with plenty of ups and downs and switchbacks, but we have to have faith that it is leading us out of the dismal valley of drug-induced deathwishing and into the sunlit uplands of ordinary life.

 

Take good care and take it easy on yourself,

 

Hugs from Tim

Started Paxil 10mg on 29 Nov. 2011. Began slow taper in Feb. 2012. Took final dose on 26 June 2013. 

 

Started Valium 2mg in Feb. 2012. Began reducing dosage in May 2012. Took final dose on 26 June 2013. Now fully recovered.... sort of!

 

 

"While I might trust the doctor to remove a splinter or lance a boil, I do not believe he has the knowledge to restore a brain." - Spock

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

Hi Spectio,

 

It's April now, perhaps the prettiest month in my part of the world. There's a miraculous transformation from the bare branches and dead-looking grass of March to the abundance of fresh greens and all kinds of bright flowers, insects on the wing, all kinds of fragrances in the air, not to mention pollen. I'm very fortunate in not (yet) being affected by allergies, unlike half of the people around me.

I haven't been around to Surviving Antidepressants for a couple of weeks, but I thought I'd better check up to see how you've been. I hope you are feeling better and keeping active. But even if you're not, recovery is bound to come eventually and it may be closer than you think. I've read so many "success stories" where people slowly got better, and quite a few where the improvement was rapid or spontaneous two or three years after the last pill was taken. So even if you lose hope, don't lose heart.

 

Still, my taper goes on, and I'm down to 1.8mg of paxil now and looking to finally step off it in the summer. I've had plenty of downs and not so downs recently, but I'm in a window now rather than a wave. And I hope it stays this way because for the next few days there will be plenty to do in the office as well as in the garden. As I posted in my journal on another site I frequent, I'm busy but not rushed, and I'm not panicking about the prospect of being rushed. Looking at the various things in the IN BOX, I'm sure I can do everything I need to do at a reasonable pace and still have time for lots of tea breaks. When I'm in a wave, every little molehill looks like a mountain and any straw is liable to break the camels back. I'm glad not to be in that state at the moment.

 

My main issue is a little hard to describe, perhaps because it is a little hard for me to grasp. My brain and nervous system are not functioning in such a way as to make me calm, even when I have nothing specific to be upset about. They aren't allowing me to relax and enjoy the roses or the cherry blossoms, even though I can see and smell their beauty. They aren't allowing me to fully partake of the the little moments of joy we get from finishing a crossword, getting a joke, doing something satisfying, eating ice cream, overcoming an obstacle, etc. That Joy switch seems to be jammed in the OFF position. I guess this is anhedonia of a sort. It's mild compared to what I've suffered in the past. It doesn't hurt. And it feels very "chemical". And as a result of this inability to experience emotional highs or even very much in the way of moderate joy, I find myself feeling not quite alive, not quite real.

 

This is far better than anxiety, panic or depression, but to use a TV/radio analogy, the brain is not tuned in properly, or else it's operating without a functioning ariel. I'll just have to keep going like this, keep tapering, and keep having faith that the problem will resolve in time once I'm off the Paxil.

 

The dog, Harrison, is still feeding here but still determined to remain feral. We'll see how long we can let this go on. English setters running wild in the Japanese hills is probably against the law. This week I lost another cat. This one was an old, tired and emaciated male named TIgger. He used to bounce just like his namesake. He had a good time here over the years. SO now there are ten, and they are all healthy and leading lives of luxurious leisure that I couldn't even dream of for myself.

 

Wishing you the best,

 

Tim

Started Paxil 10mg on 29 Nov. 2011. Began slow taper in Feb. 2012. Took final dose on 26 June 2013. 

 

Started Valium 2mg in Feb. 2012. Began reducing dosage in May 2012. Took final dose on 26 June 2013. Now fully recovered.... sort of!

 

 

"While I might trust the doctor to remove a splinter or lance a boil, I do not believe he has the knowledge to restore a brain." - Spock

Link to comment

Hi, Tim! So glad to hear from you. You sound, in many ways, better than the last time we talked. I'm so glad to hear that! I know what you mean about the "not feeling anything" thing. And your anxiety is down! Wow! Such good news!

 

I too have not visited the site lately either. I just passed the 19 month anniversary a couple of days ago. It's hard to believe. I wish I had glowing reports to make to you and everybody else. For the last four or five weeks I really haven't felt well. About five weeks ago, I started having more and more nausea accompanied by an increase in my b.p. I raised the dose of lisinopril from 30 to 40 mg. I've steadily had more dizzyness, more confusion, and more headaches. The really weird thing is that I've developed some real anger issues at the same time. My brain feels so irritated that I can't concentrate on people's conversations and I have a terrible time remembering.

 

I do have less anxiety but the last week just feel so bad that I'm actually feeling depression off and on.

 

This bloop pressure issue has been a dilemma for a long time. Last summer I spent four months trying to find a different drug to get away from these side effects. I think I tried every class of drugs. First the beta blocker. Got horrible depression from that. The headaches, nausea, dizzyness did greatly improve, but just didn't feel like doing anything. I tried two sets of calcium channel blockers. The last one I stayed on for two months. I counted 30 different side effects in the end (including depression) . Went back to the lisinopril out of desperation. The last visit I had with the cardiologist, he suggested I go back on ADs. I was VERY discouraged!

 

So, the last week I've gone back down on the lisinopril and incorporated a low dose of a diuretic. I had a fair day yesterday. Today, my head hurts but b.p. is below 140/90. I don't feel so confused.

 

I'm entertaining the possibility of multiple drug resistance. After the psych experimented on me with multiple drugs, I took supplements under my osteopaths direction for a year, I already have a sulfa allergy, maybe I can't tolerate any drug!

 

I'm at my wits end trying to figure out who to go to to look at this whole picture and do some thoughtful diagnostics. Just had lab work done a month ago. Practically NO change except for a slightly reduced sodium ( that has been that way for four years that I know of).

 

Haven't been doing much, Tim, but mainly because I just feel sick all the time. I don't think I have the anhedonia you speak of. In a way, I wish I did!

 

I'm sorry you lost another kitty. Like you said, though, he had a loving home and devoted owners. You can't beat that! Harrison the dog sure does have trust issues, Some animals just can't break through that wall of fear! All my animals are okay. I do have a couple of progressing kidney cats. I don't do anything special for them. Just make sure they have plenty of water.

 

The weather here is similar to yours. The fruit trees are all out in glorious color. The mountains still have snow on them although they say that this year will be very dry. We didn't do to well on winter storms. My alfalfa field will take it hard this year.

 

We'll get through this. We can't let the b_stards win, can we!

 

Don't loose touch, my friend. I think of you and your beautiful home often. And your loved animals!!

 

Talk to you soon!

I started withdrawing off remeron in August of 2009, with the help of a holistic physician.The reason for the withdrawal was a year or two of off and on nausea, deterioration in my thinking, and more depression. It took me a full year to work from 135 mg down to 45mg. At that point, more drops were causing more depression. Unfortuately, the nervousness that I was also feeling for the last year continued with the 45 mg. Thirty one days ago, I stopped the remeron. I am still feeling the nervousness every day and the last week, I am feeling what I think is depression but not sure. In bed in the morning, I'm already dreading another day feeling this way. I am intensely unsure of myself and find it very hard to do anything. I was a practicing veterinarian for 29 years until I found I could not practice anymore. First of all I couldn't think, or remember, and I had absolutely no confidence in anything I did. These were things I did with relative ease for twenty+ years. So, this feeling of no confidence has been during the time I was on the AD(the last 2 years) and today. I take no other medication other than my blood pressure meds. I tried supplements with my holistic dr. but they seemed to make the intense nervousness even more intense. Anyway, I truly feel stuck.

Link to comment

I like to read about you two, Spectio and Tim. So intelligent and patient. You both give me hope.

C/T Celexa and Trazadone on Jan.29th 2014
Prescribed 1mg of Klonopin every 6 hours on Jan.29th
Began tapering Klonopin April 18th..stretching time between doses...at first one hour for 2 weeks then a half hour for app.10 days then another half hour 10days later.
Presently at .25 three times a day..6 2 and 10pm. Trying to stabilize.
Also still taking gabapentin 300mgs 2xs a day..

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...

Hi, everyone! I haven't posted for a while but check in often. I am 33 months off remeron and I wished I could say fully recovered. Unfortunately, not yet. I am posting because of some observations I have made the past few months which are probably just confirmations of experiences others are having during recovery.

 

The most important thing I can emphasize is, and it has been said numerous times from many recoverers on this forum, EVERYTHING MATTERS!

 

I was diagnosed with normal pressure glaucoma in May of this year and have been using daily eye drops since then. The headaches I was having before the diagnosis disappeared and haven't really been a problem until the last couple of days. Also my eyes started burning and I could not wear my contact lenses. The other issues that have cropped up in the last couple of months are revisitations of early morning awakening accompanied by terrible fear and pounding pulse.

 

The jury is still out but today I skipped the drops and have been wearing my contacts all day without problem. I'll find out if the drops have been responsible for the early morning issues in the next couple of days. All I know is that it is the only change I've made lately and I've been feeling as bad as I did at the beginning of withdrawal for a couple of months.

 

Five or six weeks ago I started using gaba and magnesium to see if they would help my morning misery. After about a week I was getting progressively more angry and irritable. It didn't dawn on me if might be the supplements. It took a few days but I did feel more "calm" as the days went by.

 

I guess the point I would like to stress for others out there is to be vigilant whenever you change anything or add anything new to your daily routine. If you're feeling extraordinarily different from the way it's been, step back and take notice of what's new or different. Don't automatically assume you are going crazy or need to take drugs again!

 

As a final note has anyone been diagnosed with more serious eye issues during withdrawal? I know I've been weepy eyed every morning during recovery. The optometrist told me people with nearsightedness seem to be predisposed to getting glaucoma. I've been nearsighted since fourth grade.

 

Hang in there everyone and be aware!!

I started withdrawing off remeron in August of 2009, with the help of a holistic physician.The reason for the withdrawal was a year or two of off and on nausea, deterioration in my thinking, and more depression. It took me a full year to work from 135 mg down to 45mg. At that point, more drops were causing more depression. Unfortuately, the nervousness that I was also feeling for the last year continued with the 45 mg. Thirty one days ago, I stopped the remeron. I am still feeling the nervousness every day and the last week, I am feeling what I think is depression but not sure. In bed in the morning, I'm already dreading another day feeling this way. I am intensely unsure of myself and find it very hard to do anything. I was a practicing veterinarian for 29 years until I found I could not practice anymore. First of all I couldn't think, or remember, and I had absolutely no confidence in anything I did. These were things I did with relative ease for twenty+ years. So, this feeling of no confidence has been during the time I was on the AD(the last 2 years) and today. I take no other medication other than my blood pressure meds. I tried supplements with my holistic dr. but they seemed to make the intense nervousness even more intense. Anyway, I truly feel stuck.

Link to comment
  • 7 months later...
  • Administrator

spectio, how are you doing?

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Link to comment

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy