teeny: Stopped Risperdal after 5 years

[teeny]

Hello,

I have been on and off of psychiatric medication for a variety of conditions for almost 10 years. My doctors have tried almost everything, first to ease depression, then crippling anxiety, then delusions/psychotic episodes.

I have tried almost every drug under the sun, but usually didn't stick with them for very long. There were 2 combinations that I stuck with for a while, though.

In college:
Klonopin (as needed for anxiety)
Prozac
Abilify

This worked well until I moved home from college and saw a new psychiatrist. He put me on about 7 different medications, which I can't remember all of them.

I was admitted into a mental hospital and put on Risperdal to try. I took it because it started to relieve my symptoms, and I didn't know what else to do. After coming off of 4 of the 7 medicines (one being Lithium that I stopped cold turkey), I was left with 3 that I have taken for the last 5 years:

Risperdal
Lamictal
Klonopin (daily)

Recently, my doctor decided to take me off Risperdal, as I was having a variety of issues that may or may not have been related to the drug. I tapered the drug (but from what I read on here it was rather fast) from 1 mg to 0 mg in 2 weeks. At first I felt great, actually. I was super calm. The only thing I really felt was "vulnerable", like I could break at any second. And I had 0 tolerance to alcohol. Couldn't even drink a sip.

Now, almost a month later (last 1/4 of Risperdal was taken on August 6th), I feel worse than ever. I am struggling with dissociative symptoms, and anxiety so high that I didn't think it was possible to be this anxious. It wakes me up in the night with sweats, and I was up in the morning frozen to the bed with anxiety. I feel like I can't move my body the anxiety is so bad. Immediately pre-ceeding this was a whirlwind of emotions, ranging from extreme anger to happiness, to just acting "not myself". Ever since I stopped though I should mention that the fatigue has been unreal/unbearable. The first two weeks I couldn't make it through the day without a nap. Now I'm just super exhausted all the time.

I am looking for some support. Will this ever get better? I just got married and I feel so saddened that I'm not a "normal" person that can get up and do life. I feel like every day I never know what to expect or anticipate. It seems like when one symptoms disappears, another comes. Has permanent damage been done? Is there hope?

Edited September 3, 2016 by Shep
Added tags.

[Shep]

Hi, Teeny. Welcome to SA. 

 

I'm glad you found us, as it's likely that you're dealing with both side effects of your current meds, as well as withdrawal from Risperdal. Removing an antipsychotic can cause anxiety and dissociation as withdrawal syndromes. 

 

These links will get you started on what to expect: 

 

What is withdrawal syndrome? 

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

 

 

I'm going to ask the other moderators to weigh in, as you may want to consider reinstating the Risperdal. Here are a few links to read over until they post:

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms 

 

Tips for tapering off Risperdal (risperidone)

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

I'm a bit unclear about your medication history.  Please list:

 

• the current doses you are on for the Lamictal and Klonopin 
• your original Risperdal dose
• the dates you came off Prozac, Lithium, and Abilify and how quickly you tapered

Your inability to handle alcohol now is common. In fact, alcohol acts on some of the same GABA receptors as benzos such as Klonopin, so we recommend abstaining for drinking while you're going through withdrawal and for some time after you heal. 

 

Please be so kind as to create a signature. Here's how:

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

 

This is your thread to post updates and to ask plenty of questions. You'll find lots of support and information here. To answer your question - this is NOT permanent. You are not broken. You will heal in time. 

 

 

[teeny]

Thank you so much for replying and especially for answering my question. I read over most of the articles, but I should add that I can no longer take Risperdal as I began developing tardive dyskinesia.

[teeny]

To answer the other questions about my medication history, a lot of it was a blur, as I was on a lot at one time and can't recall the names of all I tried. But:

 

 

the current doses you are on for the Lamictal and Klonopin

your original Risperdal dose: Lamictal 50 mg AM, 50 mg PM and klonopin .5 mg up to 4x a day as needed (usually never take that much)

the dates you came off Prozac, Lithium, and Abilify and how quickly you tapered: unsure. I was in school. They were quick tapers and I don't remember struggling on any of them like this one with the Risperdal. Coming off lithium I was manic for about 2 months, but it wasn't extreme mental/physical symptoms like this.

 

My doctor tried to add in an antidepressant about 5 days ago to ease the anxiety and this Made me 100x worse that I was up all night vomiting with flu-like symptoms for 2 days. I took that one dose and then stopped.

[Altostrata]

Welcome, teeny.

 

If I were you, I would avoid adding other drugs to this mix. Your nervous system already is sending up danger signals with tardive dyskinesia. You need to let it calm down.

 

Your history does not sound appropriate for polydrugging. You started with depression, correct? It's likely the other symptoms were either side effects of the drugs or withdrawal symptoms from switching or going off drugs too fast. "Psychotic"-like symptoms can result from going off a drug too fast.

 

Please keep daily notes on paper about your symptoms, when you take your drugs, and their dosages, particularly the benzo. It may be, now that your nervous system is so stressed with withdrawal from Risperdal, you are having an adverse reaction to the benzo.

 

Does the anxiety get worse at a particular time of day? What does the Lamictal do for you?

[teeny]

The anxiety does have a pattern, kind of. At first it would hit me very badly around lunchtime, tachycardia so much I would have to get up from my desk. It would strike a lot out to dinner, etc. I used to drink a lot about a year ago, and I don't know if that masked things but I never remember anxiety to the point where I couldn't function.

 

Now the anxiety is the worst in the morning. I wake up with crippling anxiety like tight muscles and feel like I'm stuck.

 

The pattern to my benzo has been pretty steady so I can tell you now:

.75 mg when I wake up (around 8:30)

.25 around noon

.25 around 3 pm

.25 around 6 or 7 pm

 

I'm not sure what the Lamictal does for me, except I know when I started it it made me feel "normal".

 

I've been through the ringer of physical tests for brain problems like MS etc and they can't find anything. I used to be this fun, outgoing person, now my body gets stiff with anxiety, skin feels like it's crawling. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I get so dissociated I don't know where I am, but everyone around me tells me that I make compete sense. I am suffering inside but to everyone else I appear okay. I don't know what to do or how to get better.

 

Can I get better? Will I ever get through this?

[teeny]

I also would like to add that I often explain to my therapist that I "don't have a concept of time or space". That I feel "inside my own head". I often wake up in the morning confused by the day of the week, time, etc. I very much live inside of a bubble and can't think abstractly. I'm always in a "funk." I work in a creative field, and all of that is gone. Even when I try, I can't write, think creatively, I have no motivation to do anything, even things I used to love. I'm too focused on the fact that I will never get better.

 

Coming off the Risperdal on August 6, today was actually the first day I saw "clearly". And it was SCARY. it was like information overload, like somebody turned the saturation on a photo and it's sharpness way up high. Then it went away and the panic returned in its place.

[Shep]

Hi again, Teeny.

 

What you're describing sounds like what I've dealt with due to benzo and z-drug withdrawal. Not having a concept of time is called dyschronometria and we have this thread about dyschonometria here on SA.

 

The disassociation symptoms sound like depersonalization / derealization (dp/dr) and this link will explain more:

 

Derealization or Depersonalization 

 

This post in particular is a great description:

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1766-derealization-or-depersonalization/?p=7949

 

Dp/dr can be really scary, but if you can bring your awareness and attention to the present tense, it will help "ground" you. Ask yourself - what do I feel? Hear? See? Taste? Smell? 

 

Be very specific - I hear the traffic outside my window, I taste my peppermint gum, I feel my warm sweater, I see the words on the computer, I smell coffee brewing in the kitchen. Doing this exercise will also help with anxiety, as it keeps your mind and body actively involved in the present tense and not dwelling on the past or the future. 

 

You'll find more tips like this along your journey off these meds. 

 

The best non-drug coping skill I've learned to help with dp/dr is mindfulness. You'll find information about that and other non-drug coping skills here:

 

Non-drug Techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

 

You may want to start a new topic for yourself in the members-only benzo forum. We have a wonderful benzo moderator named Wellness who checks in periodically and can give you advice specific to benzos. Here's the link:

 

Members only benzo forum

 

The Ashton Manual will give you more information on what to expect with benzo withdrawal:

 

The 2002 Ashton Manual is at http://www.benzo.org...anual/index.htm

 

The April, 7 2011 Ashton Manual Supplement is at http://www.benzo.org.uk/ashsupp11.htm

 

Try to hold your daily Klonopin dose steady. You'll want to keep all of your current meds steady until you stabilize from your Resperidal rapid taper. And keep reminding yourself that none of this is permanent and you will heal.

 

Please place your recent meds in your signature, as that will help us easily see where you're at in your taper.  Here's how to do that: 

 

Please put your withdrawal history in your signature

[teeny]

This is all so helpful and I truly enjoyed reading those links, thank you. I want to explain one more thing in my intro:

 

I quit smoking this earlier this year. Cold turkey. My husband (then fiancé) and I did it together. My last cigarette was on January 10. In February I got very sick with C Diff. I was put on a 10 day course of antibiotic, Flagyl. This medicine made me go INSANE. I ended up in the ER. I did some Googling and found it can interact with some psych meds. Ever since the the Flagyl and C Diff, it felt like my body wasn't processing food/water/medicine correctly. It almost seemed as if my psych meds "stopped working completely" during the time I was taking Flagyl.

 

Ever since then, it has been insane. I ended up at the ENT for facial numbness and pressure that felt so extreme to be sinuses, but I didn't know what else to call it. My face often felt like it was "dropping" (even tho it wasn't), especially when under extreme stress.

 

I then ended up at a headache specialist and, finally, a neurologist. Numerous tests ruled out a lot of things. I stated getting these "headaches" in June-ish? That's when the whole thing with time began getting messed up. I started a vitamin regimen of magnesium, b12, b2, and d3. Seemed to help a bit with the headaches. I was so dizzy and confused, had no idea how I got my job done but I did. And I often explained the feeling as "falling through the floor" or "falling backwards" or the sensation I would fall backwards down steps. I went to acupuncture, desperate for relief, and this only made my emotions go more haywire. Although the needles in my ears provided temporary relief.

 

Don't know if any of this is relevant. But I thought I'd mention to see if anyone has heard of anything like this before. Thank you.

[Shep]

Hi, Teeny.

 

Yes, antibiotics can create a whole host of problems.

 

I know Flagyl is not a a fluoroquinolone antibiotic, but it's important for those going through benzo withdrawal to know about, so I'm posting a couple of links with more information: 

Some antibiotics, especially the fluoroquinolone antibiotics, can cause massive problems especially for people dealing with benzo withdrawal as described here: 

 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2435654/

 

Even months after coming off benzos, people on benzo forums have reported major problems with the fluoroquinolone antibiotics and are now being warned to try another type of antibiotic first. 

 

This is a list of drugs in this class of antibiotics:

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Fluoroquinolone_antibiotics

 

 

Many antibiotics - whether fluoroquinolone or another class - can cause GI issues and a lot of withdrawal symptoms can be revved up when the neurotransmitters and GABA receptors in the gut are messed up. And the C Diff itself could have also ramped up symptoms. 

 

Also, you've been through the polydrugging merry-go-round enough that you may be dealing with limbic kindling, as explained here:

 

Limbic Kindling -- Hardwiring the brain for hypersensitivity

 

 

Give your system time to settle down from the Risperdal withdrawal. This will give you time to read and prepare for coming off the other meds.

 

Also, please be careful with supplements. Due to kindling and a sensitive nervous system, you may be more sensitive to even supplements you did well on previously.  Many people find the B vitamins can rev up symptoms. You can do a "search" on SA and find more information about these kinds of vitamins. 

 

Two supplements that many people here have had good results from are fish oil and magnesium, as they can calm down the CNS. However, please research first and only add in one supplement at a time, starting with a very low dose in case you do have a bad reaction. These links will get you started:

 

King of supplements: Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil)

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker

 

You may also enjoy reading the Beyond Meds website, as it contains a lot of useful information about gut health during withdrawal:

 

Beyond Meds - Gut Health

 

Congratulations on stopping smoking. Even though you're struggling with psych drug withdrawal, it's important to celebrate these milestones.

 

[teeny]

Thank you so much, Shep.

 

I was reading through intros last night and came across yours. I read it for about 45 minutes. It was so impressive and inspiring and I just want to say you should be extremely, extremely proud of yourself.

 

As far as the "distortions with space and time"- I just woke up this morning with terrible anxiety, and my head felt like it was spinning as I tried to remember the day of the week. Even "Sunday" means nothing to me. I am still confused about this symptom, since it started before the Risperdal taper and I have been pretty steady with my benzo. I am unsure if I am going through benzo withdrawal.

 

A plus is that I did sleep okay last night. So I'd like to report that.

 

I've always been a little terrified of existance, if that makes sense. It's like I can't figure out where I am in relation to this or that. I don't know if it's because I shut myself in often, but I often feel scared to do anything because I don't want to feel badly. I avoid a lot of situations. Even fun ones, because they are not fun for me.

 

I am going to get started reading about the gut health. Thank you for this valuable info again.

[Shep]

I have to wonder if the antibiotic disturbed your nervous system enough that you had an adverse reaction to the benzo. Alto mentioned that possibility in regards to the antipsychotic throwing your system out of balance enough to do that, so it's possible the antibiotic could have done it before the antipsychotic was removed. Once the nervous system becomes destabilized, even meds that we used to tolerate can become problematic. 

 

This is an interesting thread on how psych drugs "remodel the brain":

 

http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1160-how-psychiatric-drugs-remodel-your-brain/

 

Many of us get sick long before we connect our symptoms to our drugs, so we are symptomatic even before withdrawing from the offending drug. This may be what's happening in your case, too. Even though you've stayed on the same dose, other factors have changed which effect how your mind / body can process the drug. 

 

To deal with the issues in not being able to remember what time it is or even the day of the week, I am still using an email alert system I set up on Gmail and Google Calendar. I also have the Gmail app on my cell phone. I set up the calendar to remind me of what I need to do. For instance, on Wednesday, I need to go to the store after work. On Wednesday at 5 pm, I will receive an email alert on my cell phone reminding me not only to go to the store, but also what I need to get.

 

I have these alerts set up for work, also, so I remember when certain tasks need to be started and what I need to remember. 

 

I used Google maps on my phone to help with the spacial problems.

 

So there's a lot of ways of dealing with these symptoms. I just let my cell phone become my memory and I was able to stop worrying, knowing that it will get better in time. 

 

And it's definitely getting better. 

 

The fact that you're sleeping well is great. If you can hold everything steady and stabilize, you'll be in much better shape to taper.

[JanCarol]

Hey Teeny - 

 

I'm glad you found us, and Shep in particular is very wise in the ways of how to survive crazy in a crazy world.

 

There are many who would say that our signs of stress are healthier than the stress we are reacting to - but society doesn't recognize them as healthy.  So we have to walk a tightrope between our wild, free inclinations to self-heal, and the obligations which we must fulfill in order to be active members of society.  I would call Shep an Adept at this tightrope walk.

 

Here's one I found some time ago, which I just found again today. 

 

Maybe you will find it authentic, and relate to it as part of your experience.

It's not a Breakdown

 

I hope you see the sun today.

[Jamieandlexapro]

I’m starting to put 2 and 2 together, I reinstated lexapro at the same time I started flagyl and this is my symptoms 11 months out