Davegirl

[Davegirl]

Today is a bad day.  It started last night.  I had been feeling pretty ok..stabilized.  Still a lot of work to do, but didn’t feel like I was in the spiral of withdrawal anymore.  Yesterday I did my usual routine but something felt a little off all day.  I went to visit a friend, which often helps me feel better.  I meditated like usual.  I took a 3 mile walk in the evening thinking surely that would quell any lingering anxiety I was feeling. 

 

When eating dinner afterwards I started to feel anxious.  I couldn’t finish eating.  I was folding laundry and started to cry because I was so frustrated with feeling this way.  I sat and cried to my husband.  I didn’t feel better so I took a shower.  I started to feel worse.  Just low.  I got out and ended up having a talk/argument with my husband again about all this.  (He has been upset I went off the meds at all and ended up like this).  I was sobbing and sobbing.  I started to shake and get the physical anxiety.  It was late by the time I went to sleep.  I have been sleeping better lately and I do a sleep meditation while in bed, which I did. 

 

I slept fine until I woke around 6 am…immediately anxious, like when I was in the middle of withdrawal.  I have spent the next several hours like that.  Trying to sleep, with my stomach flip-flopping.  Feeling restless, not able to stop moving my legs or just be still.  I did more meditation but it didn’t really help.  My stomach is in knots.  I don’t feel “right”.  I feel hot under my skin and irritable. 

 

I don’t know what happened.  I feel like I did when I was completely off the meds and in withdrawal.  My mood is very low.  I feel hopeless and just like I’m screaming for help.  I am once again terrified that this will continue downward.  I just don’t know what to do.  I’ve been back on 2.5 mg of Lexapro (generic) for 3 weeks.  It has been about 90 days since I asked my doc if I could try coming off the meds. 

 

I know recovery is not supposed to be linear.  I get it.  I certainly wasn’t feeling 100%, but I was feeling better than before I reinstated.  I’m desperate to feel better.  I just don’t know what to do.  There has been some stress lately with our trip coming up and some family stuff (sick relative) back home.  I try not to dwell on that stuff, but I know it is affecting me in the back of my mind.  I feel like I’m doing everything I can to help myself and here I am.  What now? 

 

I am angry at myself for ever even saying I wanted to discontinue the meds.  I’m angry at the therapist and docs who put me on the meds and just left me like that for years and years.  When I feel like this I keep thinking I should just be back on the meds for the rest of my life, but I’m really scared to even try to go back on!  Once again I feel stuck…Looking for any help/advice/insight/positivity.  I was never this bad before ever going on meds.  When I feel like this I am scared I will end up hospitalized.  That was never in the picture prior to meds, and especially on them.  Please tell me I won’t feel like this – or God forbid, worse – forever.  Should I be increasing the meds?  I just need help right now and I don't even know who to trust...the docs would updose me right away, or worse if I end up in the hospital they will pump me full of meds.  My husband just wants me fixed, now.  My mom got better without meds, so I know it is possible.  My sister the nurse keep telling me just to take the meds.  Another friend who pointed me toward this site keeps telling me to hang in but she's never been through this.  I don't know what to do or believe.

[scallywag]

Withdrawal symptoms come and go with no apparent reason. Sometimes all there is to do is to ride out a wave of symptoms.

The Windows and Waves pattern of stabilization

[herewego]

Your option are ride out the wave & do nothing, updose to a huge amount which you probably don't need to reduce your symptoms and would mean a longer taper and is more likely to cause a bad reaction, or updose just a bit to try to relieve symptoms (though no guarantee)  since your trip to Europe is coming up so soon. If I were you and didn't have Europe coming up I would ride it out. But if you do decide to updose a little I wouldn't go any higher than 5 mg. But I am not trained like the mod's here at all, with recommending an amount, it is just want I would do myself with a trip coming up.

[Davegirl]

I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out...if I need to go up to the 5 mg or not. What is the opinion of someone on here who knows?

 

I went to a new therapist today that I think can be very helpful. I'm also going to ask her what she thinks. Just trying to accumulate opinions to help me make a decision.

[Altostrata]

Did you accidentally skip a dose? Are you using a liquid? If so, how old is it?

 

If none of the above, you might want to try increasing by 0.5mg to 3mg and see how it affects you.

[Davegirl]

Altostrata,

I didn't skip a dose. Been taking it every night, same time. Believe me, I've been very concerned about messing that up...lol. I have 5 mg pills (very small) and I break them in half. I also take care to make sure they are as symmetrically broken as possible. Because the pills are so small and I really don't want to mess with liquid, the only choice I would have is to take the whole 5 mg pill instead of halving it. I'm sort of trying to get opinions so I can make a decision. trying to figure out why I was doing ok and then suddenly not. I have had some stress going on that could be playing into it. I know about the windows and waves. I don't know. Just part of the struggle, I guess. I just want to be well!!

[Davegirl]

I don't know if my last post was visible as 'new'...still trying to figure out if I should up the dose from 2.5 mg to 5 mg. small pills and don't want to mess with liquid, so that's the only choice I have with increasing. Thoughts?

[ChessieCat]

AD drugs are stronger than many people realise.  Doubling your dose may destabilise your CNS which is why it is better to increase a small amount.  Alto has already suggested:  "increasing by 0.5mg to 3mg".

 

It may be inconvenient to "mess with liquid" but taking 5mg may end up making you worse which is why increasing by a small amount is suggested.

 

You could take a combination of 2.5mg tablet with liquid.  Tips for tapering off Lexapro (escitalopram) (see towards the end of post #1).

 

It takes 4 days for the drug to reach full state in the blood and about another 7 days for it to fully register in the brain.  Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable and keep notes.  You could use this:  http://hulpgids.nl/a...es/pdf/DESS.pdf

[herewego]

Eventually you are going to have to figure out a method to reduce more accurately either with a liquid (I mix with ORA-Plus to suspend more evenly) or with a scale. However you are at such a small amount that a scale may only be good for so long until you have to switch to a liquid or find a really good, but much more expensive scale. That is why many here switch to liquid as they get to smaller amounts. Who wants to spend $1500 on a scale for the really small amounts - though some do. Another option if you don't want to worry about messing around with liquids while you are on your trip is to get a pill cutter (you are cutting your 5 mg in half right? Are you using a pill cutter or just a knife?). If you have a pill cutter you could cut your 5 mg pill in half, then cut one of the halves in half again. Then take the 2.5 mg one (the one halved) and then also take one of the quarters giving you another 1.25 mg for a total of 3.75 mg. This would be a bit more than Alto suggested but would be a quarter less than the whole 5 mg pill. Then you could see how you do on that amount for 2 weeks which would mean you would be watching your symptoms while in Europe. You could always go a little down back to 2.5 mg if you have a bad reaction while you are away. Wishing you the best on your trip and with stabilizing.