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Need strong catharsis


rowinghippy

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Not a classic self care/symptom, but felt it fit in this section regardless.

 

Long story short, I'm so incredibly angry to my core that my life is in shambles and that I'm in agony everyday. It's made me depressed and suicidal.

 

Historically, I'd vent whatever anger I had through physical activity, but in my present state exercise is not really an option, as it would just make symptoms worse. Things like meditation, yoga, etc. are fine and good, but not cathartic.

 

I really need a way to release this bottled up anger. I (figuratively, please don't read this literally, I'm not violent) want to kill something because I'm so angry, but obviously my anger has no target.

 

I don't know what to do. My anger leads me to be depressed and ruminating, and fills me with self hate and hate for my life. I hate myself for not being able to give up and kill myself (although I've been close).

 

So much anger, how do other people deal with it? It's not like withdrawal, this drug, or my anger are leaving soon.

4/24/16: 20 mg citalopram

8/1/16: 15 mg

8/22/16: 10 mg

9/16/16: reinstated to 12 mg

12/1/16: 11 mg

2/20/17: 10 mg

11/20/17: CT, med free

1/18/18: began regimen (keto, synthroid, supps, etc.)

11/21/18: off keto, lowered synthroid, began exercise

2/07/19: off synthroid/all supps

4/15/19: began tirosint (clean version of synthroid, with less side effects)

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  • 1 month later...
  • Moderator Emeritus

I've been known to throw dishes, glassware and ceramic flower pots on the tiled kitchen floor or concrete floors in the garage/basement. It's one way to make use of broken or unloved items.

This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.
1997-1999 Effexor; 2002-2005 Effexor XR 37.5 mg linear taper, dropping same #beads/week with bad results

Cymbalta 60 mg 2012 - 2015; 2016: 20 mg to 7 mg exact doses and dates in this post; 2017: 6.3 mg to  0.0 mg  Aug. 12; details here


scallywag's Introduction
Online spreadsheet for dose taper calculations and nz11's THE WORKS spreadsheet

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi rowinghippy

 

I was very sorry to hear what you have been going through. For me, one thing that sometimes helped was writing out all my feelings and anger. I typed it out on the computer. I also tried to validate my feelings, to allow myself to have them and I used to tell myself it was totally understandable under the circumstances.

 

I know you mentioned that physical exercise can exacerbate things for you but what about walking? Obviously not the same as a good run but it might still release some pent up tension.

 

Punching a pillow also occasionally helped.

 

 

I came off Seroxat in August 2005 after a 4 month taper. I was initially prescibed a benzo for several months and then Prozac for 5 years and after that, Seroxat for 3 years and 9 months.

 

"It's like in the great stories Mr.Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer."  Samwise Gamgee, Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers

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