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sadandconfused: Can't feel love on lexapro withdrawal

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sadandconfused

Hello everyone, 

I'm having an awful hard time with Lexapro withdrawal. I was under a lot of stress a little over two years ago and was put on 10 mg Lexapro in August 2015. About a month on them I met an amazing man! After only a couple months of being together I knew he was the one and we were making plans to get married within the next year and couldn't wait to start our lives together. About 8 months later my life was still amazing and I didn't think I needed pills anymore so I made the biggest mistake of my life and quit them cold turkey. I woke up about a month later and that's when my nightmare started. I completely felt like I lost feelings for my boyfriend/soon to be husband overnight. I can't explain it, it was like I knew he was the same person but I couldn't feel anything when I looked at him and being around him just didn't even feel right. We had moved in together about 3 months before that. It has been 18 months since that day and the feelings have still not returned. I'm really looking for any advice on this. How long has ssri withdrawal lasted for some of you? Did your feelings come back even when you felt they wouldn't? I know I'm probably asking questions that can't be answered but I'm desperate and I'm losing hope. I don't even know what to do anymore. 

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sadandconfused

Hello everyone, I know everyone is different. I was just wondering how long I should expect the anhendonia from quitting Lexapro cold turkey 18 months ago. My main problem is not feeling anything for my boyfriend who I was so so in love with before the withdrawal. I'm so devastated, I feel like things should be looking up. Should I be discouraged that the feelings aren't back? I was only on pills for 9 months. I feel so lost right now :( please tell me your experiences with withdrawal and if it affected your relationship. Thanks in advance. <3

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MiguelFreeman
On 13/12/2017 at 4:23 AM, sadandconfused said:

Hello everyone, I know everyone is different. I was just wondering how long I should expect the anhendonia from quitting Lexapro cold turkey 18 months ago. My main problem is not feeling anything for my boyfriend who I was so so in love with before the withdrawal. I'm so devastated, I feel like things should be looking up. Should I be discouraged that the feelings aren't back? I was only on pills for 9 months. I feel so lost right now :( please tell me your experiences with withdrawal and if it affected your relationship. Thanks in advance. <3

hi Post this on your introduction post it will help the admins helping you 

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RealMe
On 12/12/2017 at 11:23 PM, sadandconfused said:

Hello everyone, I know everyone is different. I was just wondering how long I should expect the anhendonia from quitting Lexapro cold turkey 18 months ago. My main problem is not feeling anything for my boyfriend who I was so so in love with before the withdrawal. I'm so devastated, I feel like things should be looking up. Should I be discouraged that the feelings aren't back? I was only on pills for 9 months. I feel so lost right now :( please tell me your experiences with withdrawal and if it affected your relationship. Thanks in advance. <3

How are you doing?

 

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sadandconfused
On 12/31/2017 at 11:11 AM, RealMe said:

How are you doing?

 

Hello, I'm doing okay. I've had a very off past couple days and I'm sure it's the depression from withdrawal. Something seems seriously wrong with my brain :( all I wanna do is sleep, I have no motivation and that's awful when you have to still work full time. 

How are you doing? 

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RealMe
14 minutes ago, sadandconfused said:

Hello, I'm doing okay. I've had a very off past couple days and I'm sure it's the depression from withdrawal. Something seems seriously wrong with my brain :( all I wanna do is sleep, I have no motivation and that's awful when you have to still work full time. 

How are you doing? 

Hi sadandconfused,

Have you been able to go to work?  I was retired when I withdrew from Abilify and Trintellix, and I couldn't even make my bed or get dressed.  If my husband didn't take over, I don't know what would have happened to me.  That was before I found out about tapering.  I had no motivation and all I could do was sleep or wish for the end.  I have a little motivation now, but my main motivation is just to recover from withdrawal symptoms.  I spend a lot of time on the computer and watching television to escape.  I used to be very active and interested in things.  Now you could give me a million dollars, and I would trade it in a second for healing.

 

You seem young, and I've read that young people recover more readily from AD withdrawal.  I was touched by your feelings of worry about not loving your boyfriend.  I haven't experienced not loving my husband, but I have felt an awful lot of guilt about being depressed and irritable and just not doing loving things for him and letting him take over so many of my responsibilities.  Today I tried to be extra attentive at dinner time.  He is very supportive, but he is frustrated and worried that he cannot seem to help me feel better.  As I progress with this withdrawal, I can occasionally act a little more cheerful, but I can quickly turn to a cranky complainer or a ball of crying helplessness.  Today I had a bit of a window, and I am so grateful.

 

In the beginning I would write down the little things I was able to accomplish.  It encourages me when I am able to do even small things despite feeling unmotivated and so tired.  Today I went to the eye doctor, went to the store and took one of my grandchildren to piano lessons.  I called a few friends and made an easy dinner for me and my husband.  This was definitely a good day.

Thanks for responding to me, and best wishes for continued healing,

RealMe

 

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sadandconfused

Hi everyone, 

I know there's definitely not a quick fix or "cure" for withdrawaling from an antidepressant, but I was wondering if there was anything that could help ease the anhendonia or speed up the process? 

Any natural supplements, foods, diet or exercise? 

I know it's a long shot, I'm just wondering if it's only time that will heal this or I can be doing anything to help myself out. 

Thanks in advance! 

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scallywag

sadandconfused, I've moved your post about withdrawal remedies to the Introductions Forum so that more people will see your question.

 

What non-drug techniques are you using to cope with symptoms?

 

Supplements: Many people have reported difficulty with supplements during withdrawal probably because of a sensitized or destabilized CNS (central nervous system). We have found that most -- but not all -- people tolerate magnesium and omega 3 fatty acids. Both can be helpful.  Pick one or the other and start with a small amount.

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil).

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker.

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Altostrata

sadandconfused, I merged other topics you started on the "what should I do" theme here.

 

Please review this topic, you've gotten many good suggestions. apathetic and ShakeyJerr went out of their way to counsel you.

 

Please also post your updates and "what should I do?" questions here rather than in the Symptoms or Relationships forums.

 

If you want to discuss your emotional anesthesia in Relationships, please add to the existing topic you started there, do not start a new topic. Thank you.

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ChessieCat

I've merged the new topic you created with the other topic you created in the Relationships area.  Alto previously requested that you DO NOT START A NEW TOPIC.

 

On 1/28/2018 at 2:28 PM, Altostrata said:

sadandconfused, I merged other topics you started on the "what should I do" theme here.

 

Please review this topic, you've gotten many good suggestions. apathetic and ShakeyJerr went out of their way to counsel you.

 

Please also post your updates and "what should I do?" questions here rather than in the Symptoms or Relationships forums.

 

If you want to discuss your emotional anesthesia in Relationships, please add to the existing topic you started there, do not start a new topic. Thank you.

 

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ChessieCat
16 minutes ago, sadandconfused said:

Thank you! Yes I'm tapering off very very slow and right now I'm at .5 mg. I'm close to being off but I definitely don't wanna rush it 

 

Please add your current dose to your signature.  Thank you.

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Gridley

sadandconfused,

 

Congratulations on getting down to .5mg.  You are right not to rush it.  This link has helpful information regarding when to jump off to zero.

 

 

 

 

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sadandconfused

Hey guys, 

it has been brought to my attention that I haven't been good about replying to messages or responding to my forums when I ask a question. I wanna go ahead and apologize for this. I've been extremely scatterbrained and obsessing about this withdrawal like crazy, I truly appreciate everyone on this site and advice that I've been given. I realize it's selfish of me to keep posting looking for answers while everyone else on here is having just as much of a hard time as I am. Thank you for everything you all have done, it really does mean a lot. 

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Gridley

It's okay, s&c.  Let it go.

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sadandconfused

My boyfriend told me he's sick of this pill situation and basically that we're gonna have to figure out something soon. Meaning we either get married while I am unsure about my feelings or we break up and I risk losing the love of my life. He made it very clear how he's over it and two years has been long enough for the withdrawal. I do all I can to show him these stories on here and tell him it just takes time to recover but he said he's not buying it anymore. As if I wasn't already depressed enough over the loss of feelings and now this.. I just don't get what the point of life is right now. I'm tired. I just wanna be happy again and I forgot what that even feels like. I hate my life right now and I hate these pills. I don't know what to do anymore 

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Itzakadoozee
43 minutes ago, sadandconfused said:

My boyfriend told me he's sick of this pill situation and basically that we're gonna have to figure out something soon. Meaning we either get married while I am unsure about my feelings or we break up and I risk losing the love of my life. He made it very clear how he's over it and two years has been long enough for the withdrawal. I do all I can to show him these stories on here and tell him it just takes time to recover but he said he's not buying it anymore. As if I wasn't already depressed enough over the loss of feelings and now this.. I just don't get what the point of life is right now. I'm tired. I just wanna be happy again and I forgot what that even feels like. I hate my life right now and I hate these pills. I don't know what to do anymore 

Well I know for a fact seeing as I’m living it that healing takes a damn long time. 

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sadandconfused
On 5/3/2018 at 11:48 PM, Itzakadoozee said:

Well I know for a fact seeing as I’m living it that healing takes a damn long time. 

 

I know. How long have you been dealing with this? I'm so scared cause I can't really feel the feelings but I know I don't wanna lose him. I would never forgive myself if I lost the love of my life because of some pills. This is so miserable. 

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Itzakadoozee
4 hours ago, sadandconfused said:

 

I know. How long have you been dealing with this? I'm so scared cause I can't really feel the feelings but I know I don't wanna lose him. I would never forgive myself if I lost the love of my life because of some pills. This is so miserable. 

Going on a full two years and I’m feeling worse then ever. But it’s my fault because I keep on binge drinking and feeling like poo. It’s hard not to drink because I used to drink all the time. I start to feel a little better and want to drink and socialize then BOOM! Back in hell again.

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Itzakadoozee
4 hours ago, sadandconfused said:

 

I know. How long have you been dealing with this? I'm so scared cause I can't really feel the feelings but I know I don't wanna lose him. I would never forgive myself if I lost the love of my life because of some pills. This is so miserable. 

Don’t worry anyways because I’ve had at least three “loves of my life”anyway , and if you lose him you’ll get another one.

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Justcope
On 10/22/2016 at 2:18 AM, sadandconfused said:

 

 

Hi everyone, I'm not sure if people still get on this site but I really hope so cause my story is similar to many I've read on here. I started nursing school last fall and was very stressed and I was put on lexapro 10mg.

 

About a month later I met an amazing guy. I absolutely adored him and we were head over heels for each other. About 7 months later we were making wedding plans and even talked about having kids not too far after.

 

I decided to stop taking lexapro because I was so beyond happy and didn't think I needed them anymore. I quit cold turkey. Which I knew was bad but I thought I could handle it.

 

I was okay for a while and then about a month later I can't explain what happened. It was like something in my brain literally snapped And I woke up one morning thinking I didn't love him anymore and questioning how I really felt about him. To say it was awful would be an understatement. I spent the next two days in bed crying and vomiting from panic. It was so bad.

 

I finally one day broke down and told my mom the feelings I had been having, and she didn't understand and was trying to figure out what was going on. My whole family knew I was crazy in love with him and this just didn't make any sense.

 

It's been 3 months since then and my feelings will come and go. Some days it's almost back to the old feelings where I know I wanna grow old with him but the next day I'll wake up crying and not wanna get out of bed. I seriously do not know what's going on in my body right now. I just want to be completely in love with him again. This is the most gut wretch in and heartbreaking thing I think I have ever gone through. This is not me. I just hope it's my head trying to get balanced out and once it does everything will go back to normal.

 

Any advice or words would be great. I would not wish this on anyone but it does give me some hope reading other people who have had the same issues with this drug. Thanks so much in advance!

Oh how I sympathise with you. I’ve had the same issue- this all came out since tapering off Lexapro. I can see your post is from 2016. I’m curious to see how you’re doing now. 

I really do think was a withdrawal issue... 

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sadandconfused
On 5/18/2018 at 9:14 AM, Justcope said:

Oh how I sympathise with you. I’ve had the same issue- this all came out since tapering off Lexapro. I can see your post is from 2016. I’m curious to see how you’re doing now. 

I really do think was a withdrawal issue... 

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this as well. How are you feeling now? I'm doing okay. Going on almost two years since I quit cold turkey. I reinstated the drug about 5 months later and now I'm tapering again and feeling bad all over again. I'll have good days where I think I can start to feel for him and then the depression will come back all over again. Maybe I'm tapering too fast..? I'm not sure. I'm just so ready for this nightmare to end 

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Justcope
17 hours ago, sadandconfused said:

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this as well. How are you feeling now? I'm doing okay. Going on almost two years since I quit cold turkey. I reinstated the drug about 5 months later and now I'm tapering again and feeling bad all over again. I'll have good days where I think I can start to feel for him and then the depression will come back all over again. Maybe I'm tapering too fast..? I'm not sure. I'm just so ready for this nightmare to end 

I know I tapered too quickly, but I’m not backing out now. I’m still on 5mg though as I’m too afraid to stop. 

I see a great psychologist who is helping me understand my anxiety, and why it revolves a lot around my feelings for my husband. When I’m in an anxious state, I don’t feel love so my thoughts spiral. This in turn makes me feel worse and worse, then guilty for thinking it. 

My psychologist has taught me one very important saying- “ don’t believe your anxious brain- it’s a liar”. 

I do have windows when I feel myself again. I focus on these times. Another thing I learnt is that you don’t just ‘stop’ loving someone- especially in my case where the week before I was happy and the next week I’m  freaking out about my marriage etc. especially when there are no reasons as such. 

There is a great article on here about spiralling thoughts that’s also been super helpful 👍🏻

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sadandconfused

Aside from the loss of feelings right now, does anyone know if B complex vitamins will help during withdrawal or is it best to stay off supplements during this time. My anxiety has gotten so bad I can barely stand it. Literally every little thing, from the loss of feelings to if something happens at work, the anxiety makes me wanna shut down and not talk to anyone which makes it really hard when I still have to work full time and I'm trying to save my relationship. I know the main healer is time but it's been almost unbearable lately. 

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Carmie
On 6/25/2018 at 8:15 AM, sadandconfused said:

Aside from the loss of feelings right now, does anyone know if B complex vitamins will help during withdrawal or is it best to stay off supplements during this time. My anxiety has gotten so bad I can barely stand it. Literally every little thing, from the loss of feelings to if something happens at work, the anxiety makes me wanna shut down and not talk to anyone which makes it really hard when I still have to work full time and I'm trying to save my relationship. I know the main healer is time but it's been almost unbearable lately. 

 

Hi Sadand confused, 

 

Just wanted to say a lot of people have trouble with B vitamins during withdrawals from what I’ve read. The only two supplements suggested on this forum are magnesium and fish oil, but only to start one st a time. Start slow and build up. 

 

We are so sensitive to nearly everything while going through withdrawals that some even have troubkes eith these two supplements, but many have found them beneficial.

 

Yes, this certainly is the hardest journey of our lives, we just have to keep taking every moment as it comes and distract ourselves when we’re in waves. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

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sadandconfused
15 hours ago, Carmie said:

 

Hi Sadand confused, 

 

Just wanted to say a lot of people have trouble with B vitamins during withdrawals from what I’ve read. The only two supplements suggested on this forum are magnesium and fish oil, but only to start one st a time. Start slow and build up. 

 

We are so sensitive to nearly everything while going through withdrawals that some even have troubkes eith these two supplements, but many have found them beneficial.

 

Yes, this certainly is the hardest journey of our lives, we just have to keep taking every moment as it comes and distract ourselves when we’re in waves. 

 

Sending hugs🤗

 

Hello! Thank you so much for your reply. I've heard that so I was just going to check on here and see what everyone thought. I will definitely try one of those! 

 

Yes it has been the hardest two years of my life no doubt. I'm so ready for it to be over. I really hope you're getting better fast! Hugs! 😊

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sadandconfused

Hey, I hope everyone is doing okay. Has anyone had a negative experience with reinstating meds? I really hope I did the right thing. After quitting Lexapro cold turkey, I reinstated 5 mg about 6 months later. Well I have been tapering off extremely slow, for the past year and a half. First, reinstating did help my crying spells and constant sadness but I still couldn't feel love for my boyfriend throughout the time and now that I'm almost off, all the anxiety and panic is returning. I've cried so much these past couple months about how broken hearted I am from still not feeling anything. I have gotten glimpses in the past few months and my boyfriend has said I have been doing way better than where we were at last year, so for a couple months I had that confidence that we would be a success story, but now that I've tapered again and I'm down to about .2 mg, I'm feeling miserable. I feel like I'm reliving the nightmare from two years ago, all over again. I'm so anxious that I shake, I don't look forward to visiting my family, which I know is awful and it has to be part of this withdrawal. I tried fish oil supplements and my brain felt like it was burning. 

I hate myself for ever starting these pills and for quitting them cold turkey and I pray to God that reinstating didn't make it even worse. I'm seriously at my wits end and I don't know how much longer life can go on like this. 

I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just so lost and devastated right now. I've thought about making an appointment with a neurologist but I don't know if it'll do any good becasuse I know time is the only true healer. I just want to be happy again 

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Altostrata

Hello, sadandconfused.

 

If you get withdrawal symptoms of any kind, stop tapering! At this point, you might want to updose a bit, to .3mg, then hold at that level to let your nervous system catch up with all the changes.

 

It's not unusual for people to find they need to stop tapering for a while and let their nervous systems rest.

 

Emotional anesthesia is a side effect of the drug and can persist after you go off it. It will very gradually go away over time. Be grateful instead of worrying about what you're missing. Enjoy your relationship as much as you can and show your appreciation for your loyal boyfriend.

 

This is a "fake it until you make it" situation -- putting yourself in a good frame of mind will help your nervous system heal, while worry will hold it back.

 

See

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms 

 

"Is it always going to be like this?"

 

The importance of feeling good

 

Creating a new self after withdrawal

 

What does healing from withdrawal syndrome feel like?

 

Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement

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sadandconfused
2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

Hello, sadandconfused.

 

If you get withdrawal symptoms of any kind, stop tapering! At this point, you might want to updose a bit, to .3mg, then hold at that level to let your nervous system catch up with all the changes.

 

It's not unusual for people to find they need to stop tapering for a while and let their nervous systems rest.

 

Emotional anesthesia is a side effect of the drug and can persist after you go off it. It will very gradually go away over time. Be grateful instead of worrying about what you're missing. Enjoy your relationship as much as you can and show your appreciation for your loyal boyfriend.

 

This is a "fake it until you make it" situation -- putting yourself in a good frame of mind will help your nervous system heal, while worry will hold it back.

 

See

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms 

 

"Is it always going to be like this?"

 

The importance of feeling good

 

Creating a new self after withdrawal

 

What does healing from withdrawal syndrome feel like?

 

Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement

 

Thank you so much Altostrata, I'm trying so hard. It's crazy looking back and seeing how much I loved him just a little over two years ago before I quit cold turkey and I cannot stand the fact that I can't feel it. I'm trying not to feel hopeless but lately has been worse because my boyfriend has been very clear that he's sick of waiting because of some stupid pill. I totally get it, I do, but I'm not doing this on purpose and I wish he would see that it's just as devastating for me as it is for him. I'm terrified he's not gonna hold on for much longer and I'm at a loss on what to do. I've seen several stories on here where the ssri user went through the same thing and they said the feelings returned even stronger than they were before and I pray that that's us but somedays I feel so hopeless. 

 

Again, I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself or be negative, I just can't understand why this happened and wish I knew what to do. I will read those articles, thank you! 

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Altostrata

If I were you, I'd stop complaining about your lack of feeling for your boyfriend and show him appreciation and gratitude -- unless you don't want to be with him any more.

 

Since you joined this site, you've been focused inward on your lack of feeling. This can be mistaken for self-centeredness. Think about it.

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sadandconfused

I completely agree that I've been selfish through all of this. I hate that I can feel okay and then literally within minutes think myself into hopelessness and then end up crying my eyes out. I know that gets me nowhere and I'm trying hard to remain positive and believe that this will get better. Thank you both 

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sadandconfused

Hey guys, I hope everyone is doing okay. I remember seeing a post a few weeks ago, but I can't find it now. It was about how while in a wave, you forget about how good a window was, is that normal with this withdrawl because right now I am really experiencing it. Just two weeks ago, I felt like I was starting to feel feelings for my amazing boyfriend again, we had a great few nights together and I even cried when he gave me a really sweet birthday card. But now, only two weeks later I'm feeling incredibly hopeless and I think it's because I was feeling good and tapered again.(maybe tapered too fast) but I literally don't see how I can taper any slower than I already am. I was at work last night trying so hard to fight the tears and the moment I got in my car I cried all the way home and I couldn't even give a legit reason why I was crying, other than I know I feel really depressed. Does this sound normal two years into withdrawal? 

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brassmonkey

Totally normal and a good sign of healing.

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sadandconfused

Thank you so much BrassMonkey. I really needed to hear that right now 

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littleball

Hello sadandconfused, I have a similar problem.

First of all, the thing that got me into meds was an obsessive disorder about my relationship, it was triggered my an antibiotic and it exploded very severely overnight. You may look on ROCD discussions around the internet. (But stay away from forums, people with OCD can make you feel worse). Of course ADs didn't do a **** for this. 

I'm not going to lie you, but since then I had several partners and... I still fight this problem. So the problem is not the partner. Wrong partners exacerbated this problem but I eventually broke up with them (I am talking about 2) for different reasons.

Since an year and a half, I am in a very good relationship. OCD is still present but it is way milder than one year ago. It has stabilized as long as the symptoms have, for better or for worse. My feelings for him come and go and I am not scared anymore of this process. I got how it works. I have windows and waves just like you, it is curious how this can happen for a specific feeling. 

 

My advice is: do counselling, it will help you to analyse your fears. Distract yourself and wait for the next window. Don't expect to be madly in love again, keep your expectations low. 

If you're not ready to get married, just don't. Talk with your partner but try to respect his feeling at the same time, it will help yours too. 

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