sadandconfused: Can't feel love on lexapro withdrawal

[sadandconfused]

On 8/31/2018 at 12:27 PM, littleball said:

Hello sadandconfused, I have a similar problem.

First of all, the thing that got me into meds was an obsessive disorder about my relationship, it was triggered my an antibiotic and it exploded very severely overnight. You may look on ROCD discussions around the internet. (But stay away from forums, people with OCD can make you feel worse). Of course ADs didn't do a **** for this. 

I'm not going to lie you, but since then I had several partners and... I still fight this problem. So the problem is not the partner. Wrong partners exacerbated this problem but I eventually broke up with them (I am talking about 2) for different reasons.

Since an year and a half, I am in a very good relationship. OCD is still present but it is way milder than one year ago. It has stabilized as long as the symptoms have, for better or for worse. My feelings for him come and go and I am not scared anymore of this process. I got how it works. I have windows and waves just like you, it is curious how this can happen for a specific feeling. 

 

My advice is: do counselling, it will help you to analyse your fears. Distract yourself and wait for the next window. Don't expect to be madly in love again, keep your expectations low. 

If you're not ready to get married, just don't. Talk with your partner but try to respect his feeling at the same time, it will help yours too. 

 

Thank you for that. I do know about rocd and I think I developed it through all of this. My partner is everything I have prayed and hoped for in a man and I honestly know that I would be an idiot to let him go, but when the waves come it's like they take away any type of hope I have. I hate even saying this but right now I take comfort in knowing that I will die one day and none of this will matter anymore. I cannot eat without feeling sick, I've barely eaten anything the past few days and I can barely get out of bed to shower or anything. Work is god awful because I have no energy and I know I'm slacking but I cannot focus on work when I'm feeling this bad 

[Altostrata]

sadandconfused, if I were you, I'd see a counselor or therapist about why you are undermining your relationship with your fears.

[sadandconfused]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

sadandconfused, if I were you, I'd see a counselor or therapist about why you are undermining your relationship with your fears.

 

Thank you Altostrata, I've thought about going to see a therapist. I know it sounds dumb but one of my reasons for not seeing them yet is my fear of them thinking that I'm crazy. But I've heard they really can help you retrain your brain to think positive 

[Altostrata]

You need this

6 hours ago, sadandconfused said:

.... But I've heard they really can help you retrain your brain to think positive 

 

[sadandconfused]

Hi everyone,

I apologize for posting on here too much, I really do, but right now I'm just feeling so out of hope. From experience or stories you've heard, is it possible to feel worse when coming off Lexapro for the second time after reinstating because right now I am feeling absolutely miserable. It's hard to believe that a month ago i was in such a good place and thoughts things were finally looking up and about two weeks ago I went from .1 mg to about half of that(even though it's hard to measure when it gets that low) and right now I'm feeling worse than I ever have. I'm having really dark intrusive thoughts, tons of irrational fears and panic that doesn't make sense, my brain feels like it's on fire, the panic is so bad that I can barely eat without throwing up and I was awake for over 24 hours a couple days ago from shaking so bad. I promise I'm not saying this to get attention or pity, but right now it truly feels like death is the only way out of this. I'm so scared. Please let me know if anything will help me or if you really just have to suffer through this. Thank you 

[Altostrata]

We've told you repeatedly to make reductions much smaller than 50%, is that correct?

 

If I were you, I'd go back to 0.1mg and stay there for a good while, maybe several months. Let us know how you're doing.

[sadandconfused]

Hi everyone, 

please no negative comments, I cannot handle them right now. I'm having a really hard time right now. The anxiety and depression is at an all time high and I can't keep food down and can barely sleep cause the anxiety. Im having tons of suicidal thoughts, and just praying that I'll get into a car accident and this will all be over. I've done all I can do as far as tapering slowly and reinstating and all of it. My question right now is should I tell my bf and my family that I'm having thoughts of suicide? I do not wanna put them through anymore of this and I really wish I could go on keeping it inside but right now I really feel like I just can't. I don't know if anyone can help me but I just feel like I should tell someone 

[jozeff]

Hi sadandconfused,

 

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. 

 

Please tell your family about this. And your boyfriend! It's very important to release a bit of this tension you have inside. Share your thoughts so you don't feel so alone with all this negativity.

 

I read your whole story and I'm pretty sure you will get through this. You have a great partner and you love him so much. You can and will get better !

 

Never ever decide to cut your dose in half again. The lower the slower.....

 

I've been struggling with this medication myself and have become very sensitive to the slightest fluctuations. Go back to your previous dose and tough it out for a couple of days!

 

You will make this through!

 

I wish you all the best from the Netherlands. Hang in there and wait for the 0.1 mg to be effective again

 

 

Jozeff

[sadandconfused]

Hi jozeff, 

Thank you so much for replying! It seriously means so much. I'm pretty open with my boyfriend and family through this and I've cried to all of them, but a big part of me also try's so hard to keep it all in because I know they have their own worries also. My bf manages a business and trust me, when he walks through the door all I wanna do is cuddle next to him and cry, but I try to be strong for everyone. 

 

Did you also take Lexapro? How are you handling this? 

 

Again thank you 

[jozeff]

You are welcome!

 

It's ok that you stay strong for everyone but you have to get some relief. You brain is exploding with emotions and a good cry will help tremendously.

 

If your bf can handle it and you feel comfortable with him to cry a bit, why not. Sound like a great guy so keep him close!

 

I'm on citalopram right now and I tapered from 25 to 16.5 mg and crashed hard. I tapered by 0.1 mg per day for 85 days in a row which I considered a slow taper. I updosed to 18 mg six weeks ago and stayed there. I want to continue talking when I feel stable.

 

 

So, continue to heal, express yourself and share your feelings. Not to much so that people het tired of it (talk to my wife;). But make them part of your mental journey.

 

Stay strong and have a nice day.

 

Jozeff

[sadandconfused]

Yes I completely agree. Holding it all in and trying to act normal all the time when you're about to lose it is definitely worse. 

 

Hes an amazing guy! Sometimes I don't know how he puts up with all of this or why I deserve him but I'm beyond lucky for him standing by me.  

 

That's good! Updosing always seems to help me, it's just crazy cause I feel like I'm tapering so slow but even the tiniest difference can cause the symptoms! I felt I was in a really good place about two months ago and I made the mistake of making too big of a taper when I probably should've just held it there for awhile. 

 

I completely agree! Thank you and same to you 

[sadandconfused]

Is fish oil supposed to have side effects when starting it? I ordered some from Trader Joe's a couple months ago because I heard those were a really good brand. Well I took one and within a couple hours I started feeling sick and my brain was burning really bad. I didn't take it again until over a month later to see how I would feel and the exact same thing happened!

 

Does this mean I shouldn't take it at all? And does this mean I still have a lot of damage? I know the answers probably obvious.. I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this and why I can't tolerate supplements:( 

[jozeff]

Hi sadandconfused!

 

Nice to hear of you. I don't know about the fish oil. I can take 5 of those without noticing but I've read some stories about people being very sensitive to them. 

 

I hope someone has some advice for you.

 

Are you doing ok besides the fish oil?

 

Did you involve your family a bit more?

 

Hope you're doing well these days.

 

 

Cheer

Jozeff

[sadandconfused]

Thank you so much! 

I ended up talking to them the day I talked to you. It was pretty rough but it felt good to let them know and stop trying to keep so much inside. How are you? 

 

It seems like tons of people on here can take fish oil and they've said it helps but I have seen some that are extra sensitive. 

 

I just wonder if that means that I still have a lot of damage and just have to wait it out 

[WantoffVen]

I googled fish oil and it said you can have reaction from taking too large a dose or poor quality fish oil. But any of us can be allergic to anything. No two people are alike so I would either try a lower dose, a different brand or just not take fish oil right now. Can you eat salmon with no problem?

 

[sadandconfused]

Thank you!! I actually bought two different kinds, just a cheap kind and a more potent expensive one and the cheaper one wasn't as bad but I still didn't feel right after taking it. Yes I actually eat salmon pretty regularly(probably 3 or 4 times a week) so I wonder if I should just continue doing that and no supplements for a good while 

[jozeff]

Hi sadandconfused,

 

If you eat salmon that often I see no reason why you should take fish oil. 

 

You get way more Omega-3 by eating the amount of fish you eat.

 

Do you eat fresh salmon or canned?

 

 

Cheers

 

Jozeff

 

[sadandconfused]

Oh okay thank you! Canned normally but sometimes fresh, I know fresh is probably better 

[sadandconfused]

Sorry guys, 

I just feel so lost right now and there's no one I can physically talk to about it. This is my second time coming off Lexapro, with still no feelings for my bf of 3 years. Sometimes it feels like feelings come and go but they're not near as strong as they were. It's been almost 2.5 years since I lost feelings and I just don't know how much longer I should expect him to wait. I'm tired of crying multiple times a day, I'm tired of waking up with a burning feeling in my chest and stomach from the constant worrying. I've lost 10 pounds and my hair is falling out because of the anxiety. I do not wanna do this to him anymore. I want more than anything for the feelings to return but my gosh how long do we both have to endure this? As time goes on I get more and more discouraged. 

[Altostrata]

Sorry, sad. Nothing we can do to fix your feelings for your boyfriend.  Have you tried couples' counseling?

 

I also think you should find a psychotherapist and figure out if there's a way you can constructively nurture your relationship instead of depleting it by being constantly needy. Although I do not discount that you don't feel well, you can cope differently with your symptoms, in a way that does not push your boyfriend away.

 

Consider whether your distress has become the entire content of your relationship, rather than pleasure in your boyfriend's company.

 

Have you had a medical checkup for the burning feeling and hair is falling out? Such as a thyroid checkup?

 

How much Lexapro are you taking now? Did you go off it? Did your symptoms change when you went off?

 

Please update your signature.

[sadandconfused]

How do I update my signature? I know I've done it before but I can't remember. 

 

Thank you for your reply. No I have not tried counseling just because I fear that they will not understand the situation with the meds and the blunted emotions. I have considered multiple times going but part of my irrational fears are what's keeping me from it. 

 

My boyfriend has obviously been amazing through this and way more patient than I'm sure most partners would be and I do let him know a lot how much I appreciate him and I do everything a good girlfriend is supposed to do but he said it's not enough for him anymore. He wants to get married and have a family so bad(that's what I wanted also the first year we were together) and he doesn't understand why I can't just "snap" out of this since it's been over 2 years. He's also been getting tired of my crying spells which I told him I have absolutely no control over. I see his point, trust me, but I also can't speed up this healing process no matter how much I want to. 

 

I am completely off Lexapro now and I officially stopped September 11th. My crying spells definitely got worse after going off of it again, even after a very slow taper. 

[Gridley]

Here's the link for updating your signature.

 

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

 

Congratulations on being off Lexapro.  That's a big accomplishment.

[sadandconfused]

Thank you!! 

[Altostrata]

5 hours ago, sadandconfused said:

How do I update my signature? I know I've done it before but I can't remember. 

 

Thank you for your reply. No I have not tried counseling just because I fear that they will not understand the situation with the meds and the blunted emotions. I have considered multiple times going but part of my irrational fears are what's keeping me from it. 

 

My boyfriend has obviously been amazing through this and way more patient than I'm sure most partners would be and I do let him know a lot how much I appreciate him and I do everything a good girlfriend is supposed to do but he said it's not enough for him anymore. He wants to get married and have a family so bad(that's what I wanted also the first year we were together) and he doesn't understand why I can't just "snap" out of this since it's been over 2 years. He's also been getting tired of my crying spells which I told him I have absolutely no control over. I see his point, trust me, but I also can't speed up this healing process no matter how much I want to. 

 

I am completely off Lexapro now and I officially stopped September 11th. My crying spells definitely got worse after going off of it again, even after a very slow taper. 

 

If you truly want to keep your relationship going, you're going to have to get over your "irrational fears" and get counseling or at least have an honest talk with your boyfriend.

 

If your "irrational fears" are that your relationship is truly on the rocks, you will need to be honest with yourself and let it go. If your life is going in one direction and your boyfriend's in another, there may be no middle ground for you two. Acceptance and understanding will make this less painful.

 

You truly need counseling of some sort. Much as we might like to, we cannot provide you with that on this Web site. We don't have the training, and it seems you have a lot of personal issues you need to work through that have nothing to do with withdrawal syndrome.

 

Strongly recommend you also get medical testing for the hair falling out, etc., you might have a treatable condition, such as hypothyrioidism.

[scottly9999]

On 10/27/2018 at 8:02 AM, sadandconfused said:

 

Im so glad to hear yours are getting better! This is my second time coming off Lexapro and I'm feeling worse than ever and I'm just trying to keep in mind that my brain is still damaged and I have to wait it out. I just hate not knowing how long it will take 

Hi.

How long into your second attempt off Lexapro are you???

I'm a good solid 18 months and really starting to see progress now - although I'm sure another sh*tty wave is waiting for me.

[sadandconfused]

Hi! I'm really glad you're feeling better. I'm a little over a month off Lexapro for the second time. Somedays all I wanna do is go back on it again but I'm not going to. That's what got us into this **** in the first place. I just want relief so bad 

[sadandconfused]

@Altostrata Thank you for your reply. I have other physical and mental symptoms besides the loss of feelings, but that's the one that terrifies me the most so that's why everything I post is centered around my relationship, but I will try to post less about it because I know it doesn't help. 

 

I just can't understand how I was so happy before the Lexapro and while on the Lexapro and I never had any kind of personality change  while on the pills, but I feel like Ive completely lost myself since quitting cold turkey. 

 

I'm in the bathroom at work right now because I cannot stop crying and I just wanna go home and lay in bed and not see anyone. I don't wanna live like this anymore. 

 

I will go see a counselor soon, thank you. 

[Altostrata]

This has been going on since October 2016, sad. Very strongly encourage you to see a counselor as soon as you can.

 

You may need to let go of your relationship. One can grieve this, but you can get beyond it to a new phase in your life. Your being stuck in grief means that there's something more than the relationship, some fixed, erroneous belief about yourself that's keeping you from accepting change.

[arbor]

Hi @sadandconfused How are you doing?

[sadandconfused]

Hi @arbor! 

It’s been awhile. I’ve been meaning to come update my profile for some time now, just haven’t brought myself to do it. 
It’s been almost 3 years since I’ve been off Lexapro and some days are still hard, but I’m in a way better place than I was! 

The boyfriend I posted about on here time and time again, well we have a 10 month old baby girl and we’re currently engaged! The feelings definitely did come back. It started out slowly and it didn’t just all come rushing back at once or anything, but over time I realized I couldn’t live without this man and the patience and love he showed me throughout all of this is insane. He was definitely a saint for putting up with me! 
 

Lately I have been experiencing some increased anxiety and not sure if that’s due to withdrawal still or just normal life stressors. I’m still very sensitive to things, such as caffeine, vitamins, herbs, which is hard because I’m trying to find something herbal to help with my anxiety. Fish oil and B vitamins still give me brain zaps and strange sensations and magnesium doesn’t seem to work for me anymore, which is a bummer cause it used to work wonders. But I’m still determined. 
 

How are you? 
how is everyone else who’s reading this? 

[arbor]

What wonderful news @sadandconfused that you are doing better, and oh, my heart is jumping at the thought of your 10 month old baby girl.  You've come such a way and hung in there.  Thank you so very much for sharing.

13 hours ago, sadandconfused said:

I’m still very sensitive to things,

 

I guess this doesn't surprise me....W/d has got to be the most horrendous thing I've ever experienced.  I do hear from others that eventually even the extreme sensitivity eases.  For the time being, I've just decided to accept that since it's there, I'm not going to fight it....that's it's not about who I am so much as what I have to cope with.  I imagine with a new family you have a lot going on.  It sure is good to hear from you.  Your story means a lot--

Thinking of you 💗

Arbor

[PapayaShake]

Omg @sadandconfused 

I am so happy to hear that you are feeling much better and have your feelings back!

and you got engaged! congratulations!! I’m truly happy for you!

 

Hope you can find a way to solve the anxiety problems I am 2 years off and I also have the same problems with vitamins and supplements but still hopeful things will get better :)

 

 

[sadandconfused]

@PapayaShake

thank you so much!! Good to hear from you! I don’t think we’ve talked in over 2 years! 
 

Im so glad to hear you’re doing better! I don’t get on here near as much as I used to so I’m a little slow at replying these days, but feel free to pm me if you ever wanna talk!